Chapter Text
Follow Up To Official Memorandum to all On-Base Personnel Regarding Princess Leia Organa's Absence from Base
Transmitted: 3 ABY, Day 103, 21:32 hours
High Command has received an unprecedented number of replies to our Memorandum regarding Leia Organa's absence from base. Initially, High Command planned to ignore these replies, which are rife with conspiracy theories that are, frankly, beneath the dignity of each individual on base and insulting to High Command Member Princess Leia Organa, to Captain Han Solo, and to High Command itself. However, High Command has now received nearly 75 replies on this topic, almost all of which present grossly erroneous theories and misinformation.
High Command therefore feels obligated to take this opportunity to clarify that there is no truth to the idea that, as some have suggested, "Han and the Princess have finally decided to shack up and make beautiful babies together." Similarly, Captain Solo and High Command Member Organa have not "confessed their undying love and run away together", nor have their "finally given into their uncontrollable lust that is obvious to everyone." The Alliance can rest assured that Captain Solo and High Command Member Organa are on a routine mission together, risking their lives for the Alliance. Any connection between them on this mission is strictly professional, and they were brought together on this mission by High Command for strictly professional reasons. To suggest otherwise is demeaning to both Solo and Organa, who have heroically volunteered for this mission at great cost to themselves, realizing it may entail the loss of their lives.
High Command is also aware of the unfounded rumors that Commander Luke Skywalker has left the base. High Command can assure the Alliance that there is no truth to these rumors.
Finally, High Command resents the implication (and in some cases direct accusations) that it is 'hiding something'. High Command has nothing to hide.
Further messages of this nature will be met with disciplinary action.
Leia's eyes flickered downward as Han took the glass and he felt a momentary flash of relief, which was followed by a feeling of emptiness he didn't care to analyze.
"Thanks," he said shortly, taking a generous gulp and trying to decide where he could possibly sit. The couch that Leia had commandeered was the obvious place, but Han felt anxious just thinking about sitting that close to Leia for an unspecified amount of time. There were a few other chairs scattered around but they presented the opposite problem-- they were so far away from Leia's current position as to make it seem like he was deliberately avoiding being close to her if he sat in one of them. As several long moments passed without his making a move to sit, he wondered if it might be easiest just to stand until he was done with the whisky and then immediately make some excuse to get away. It wouldn't be hard-- at this point Leia would probably believe anything he said about something being broken on the ship, and the worst part was that, given the Falcon's track record when she was on board, he couldn't really blame her.
Even as he contemplated his escape, though, her eyes met his again, and he found himself unable to think much of anything as she scooted to the far left of the couch and then patted the seat next to hers.
He hesitated for another moment, but her expression was open, guileless, irresistible, and before he really realized what he was doing he was sitting next to her, as far apart as the couch allowed, taking another gulp of the whisky.
"I left for a stupid reason," she said without preamble once he was seated, causing him to nearly choke on the alcohol. With everything that had happened that day he'd all but forgotten her promise to let him know what was going on between her and High Command, and the whole thing somehow seemed much less pressing after the pirates and the hyperdrive. He was still intensely curious about what was going on, though, and so he didn't have to try hard to look interested as she continued, biting her lip in a way he found undeniably sexy,
"It was impulsive."
It was only with great difficulty that Han managed to refrain from either laughing or teasing her about that outrageous statement. The idea of Leia acting impulsively about something involving High Command was a little like the idea that Luke might really have the Force.
"I'm sure that's not true," he said carefully, still struggling not to smile, but meaning it nevertheless.
"It is," she said miserably, taking a sip of her own whisky and grimacing slightly as she swallowed. "I was upset because they don't think I could be a General."
It took Han a moment to process the words, and when he did he set down his whisky, turning his body more fully toward hers. "I-- didn't know you wanted to be a General," he said carefully, conscious of the fact that she was confiding in him for the first time since Sweetheart's Day. "You always seemed happy with your position in High Command."
"Oh, of course I'm not happy with my position in High Command," she snapped, astonishing him. "They don't let me do anything important, half the time they treat me like a child, and when I do finally get to do something important everything is a huge debate. They spent six hours debating whether I was going to be allowed to go on the mission to Champala. Six hours." She looked at him, and then added, as though concerned he was missing the point, "consecutively."
Han shook his head, unable to suppress a small grin. "I dunno if you've noticed, but the committee isn't exactly known for its speed. And that mission was dangerous-"
"But that's just it," she said earnestly, leaning just the slightest bit closer to him. "It would be one thing if they didn't think I was qualified to be a General, or if they didn't think I'd be good at it. But their main argument against it seems to be that it's too dangerous for me. If it were up to them I'd never do anything at all but chair meetings about social life on base and give speeches over the holonet. They want me to be a figurehead but I'm not just a figurehead. I'm qualified to do more than that. And then they wonder why some people on base don't respect me. Mon Mothma thinks it's sexism but I wouldn't respect me either if I thought all I was doing was sitting in my room making propaganda videos."
Han did smile then, shaking his head wryly. "Sweetheart, I don't think anyone on base thinks you just sit in your room all day making propaganda videos. They all know you come out every once in a while to harass me and Luke."
She hit his arm with a cushion, but to his relief she was smiling, not having taken offense for once. "You're a cad," she said, shaking her head, but there was no bite to the words as she continued to smile.
"A cad, huh?" he asked, grinning back. "Well, it's a step up from Bantha-breath."
She hit him again with the cushion and he put up his hands in mock surrender before turning serious, really thinking about what to say to her.
"I understand that how they treat you is frustrating," he said after a long moment, and her smile faded, replaced by a more solemn expression as she seemed to realize he was going to be serious for once. "I won't pretend I haven't noticed it or that I think you're wrong, because I have noticed it and you're not wrong. They're overprotective, and you're under-utilized. But I think you aren't really seeing the whole picture."
"What do you mean?" she asked, seeming genuinely interested in something he was saying for the first time in weeks, and his brow furrowed as he leaned toward her, hoping he wouldn't screw this conversation up.
"It's not all bad, to be a figurehead. Or at least, it's not all bad for the Alliance to have one. I can understand why you don't like that it's you, but it's valuable, what you do. You mean something to people. Sure, they don't really know you, and they only have this idea of you, but at the end of the day it's an important idea."
Leia's brow furrowed. "I don't understand. Important how?"
Han hesitated, again thinking hard about how to put it. "Like-- that video you made, right after Yavin."
He worried she might not remember which video-- by now there were literally dozens of videos of her making the rounds on the holonet-- but she immediately rolled her eyes, making a face. "I'll never live that down. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't even have anything prepared, I just started talking-"
"No," Han interrupted, surprising himself by how passionately he felt about the issue. "Or, well, yes. You did just start talking. But the things you said-- for people who were scared, who were hopeless-- those words meant something. Seeing you meant something. You being alive meant they weren't doomed to die. You having hope for the future meant they could have hope for the future. You believing in the Alliance meant they could believe in the Alliance. So you're wrong, if you think you're 'just' a figurehead, or that your being alive and safe means nothing. For a lot of people, you're what gives them hope. And no, it's not fair to you, and yes, you're a lot more than that, and you're capable of a lot more than that. But to act like that's nothing-- well, you're wrong. It's not nothing. It's all some people have. And when you think about it that way, you have to understand why the committee might be reluctant to risk your life, even for a good cause."
Leia looked away, then looked back to him with a slightly stunned expression. She opened her mouth, then closed it, and if he hadn't known her so well he would almost have thought she was trying not to cry. After a minute, though, he decided she must just be surprised that he'd said something to her that didn't contain a single insult. "I had no idea that you'd thought about this," she said finally, sounding touched and still looking rather shocked, and Han felt uncomfortable and very uncertain about what to do.
"I hadn't, really," he replied quickly, not entirely sure whether that was the truth, and for a terrible moment he felt like she was looking through him, into him, before she took another, larger sip of whisky, not cringing this time.
"They want to make you a general, you know," she said after a moment, nearly causing him to drop his own glass. Instead he just took another large gulp of the alcohol before looking around covertly for the bottle to pour himself more.
"You're joking."
"I can assure you that I could not make this up," she said dryly, her eyes flickering to his nearly empty glass as she made the bottle of whisky materialize as though from thin air, pouring them both a generous portion. "They've been talking about it for months. If you'd agree to accept a commission, I'm certain that's the one they'd give you, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it would take a few more hours of debate."
"And whose idea was this?" Han scoffed, still not believing her. "Luke's?"
She shook his head. "No. I can honestly say Luke and I had nothing to do with it, but I've spoken in favor of the idea many times in Committee."
"You've spoken in favor of the idea many times?" Han asked doubtfully. "Have you been getting drunk to make it through the committee meetings? Not that I'd blame you-"
"You know perfectly well I'm only ever drunk when I'm around you," she interrupted, taking another swig of the whisky as though for emphasis before bumping his shoulder with her own almost playfully. "And anyway, I don't know why it would be so hard to believe I'd speak in favor of the idea. It can't really come as any surprise to you that I wish you'd accept a commission and agree to stay on with the Alliance-- I've said so often enough."
While that was true as far as it went, he couldn't have been more astonished if she'd grown a second head. "Yeah, but as a General-" he began uncertainly, trailing off when her eyes flashed up to meet his again. He expected her to just let it go, or to start hurling insults at him, like she almost always did when the conversation was getting too serious, but instead she leaned toward him, her expression earnest, sincere.
"I've told you before that I think you're a natural leader, so the position is a good fit in that way, but it's more than that. You're calm in a crisis and can make logical, well-thought-out decisions under enormous amounts of pressure. You're able to weigh risks quickly and accurately, and you're able to make the tough decision when the tough decision needs to be made. You're courageous in battle, but you're not foolish, and you're probably the best pilot we have. The real question is why anyone in their right mind wouldn't want to make you a General."
As he stared at her with his mouth open, he had the uncomfortable feeling that his expression mirrored hers after he'd made his ridiculous speech about figureheads. With difficulty he forced himself to smile casually, taking another sip of the whisky. "I had no idea you'd thought about this," he said, trying to sound teasing as he echoed her words from earlier, but to his chagrin the words didn't come out teasing at all, and his voice sounded serious, earnest even to his ears.
"I haven't, really," she deadpanned, shooting him a smile before nudging him again with her shoulder, gently this time.
"Don't take this the wrong way," he said after a moment, "but if you want a different job with the Alliance, something where you actually feel like you're doing something and making a difference, have you thought about asking them to make you head of recruitment? You certainly have a way of convincing people."
"Are you convinced?" she asked eagerly, and he wondered just how much whisky she'd had to be talking this way, just how much he'd had to let her. And then, out of nowhere, he let himself imagine her reaction if he said yes-- the smile that he knew would split her face, the gleam that would enter her eyes, her excitement as she would kiss him-
He came back to reality with a grimace, not sure where the idea of her kissing him had come from, and he took another large gulp of whisky before shaking his head, more determined than ever not to give into the crazy feelings he had for her and making a note never to drink Corellian whisky with her again.
"No," he said gruffly, and as her face fell slightly he found himself adding, more gently, "but if I were some other guy I'm sure I would be. You have a way of encouraging people."
"That's funny," Leia said, tilting her head thoughtfully and looking at him like he'd said something profound. "That's what I've always thought about you."
"About me?" he scoffed, certain she couldn't be serious, but she nodded, looking very serious indeed as she leaned forward again, her knee pressing against his.
"Yes, of course about you. You get the best results out of every man and woman you come into contact with, and you do it without even trying. I think if I didn't admire the ability so much I'd be jealous."
"Every man and woman except you," Han retorted without thinking and then instantly regretted the words, dreading what she might make of them, but instead of reacting as he might have expected she looked at him in surprise
"Oh, no, especially me," she said with unexpected intensity, but he couldn't understand what she meant at all.
He shook his head, deciding to go for humor. "You're telling me the insulting person you are around me is the best version of you? Because if so I'm not sure I'd want to see the worst."
He expected her to be offended, or at least to pretend that she was, but to his shock, she laughed, another one of those rare, real laughs that took his breath away. "No, I didn't mean that. I meant-- something else." For a long moment he thought she wasn't going to elaborate on what that something else might be, but then she squared her shoulders the way he knew she did when preparing for a battle, but this battle seemed to be against herself as she continued. "For instance, after Alderaan."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "You mean when Luke and I rescued you."
To his surprise she laughed again, although he didn't know what he'd said that might be funny. "No, I don't mean when you and Luke rescued me. That wasn't exactly your finest moment. I'm still convinced that if you'd had your way I'd be dead in a garbage chute somewhere."
"That garbage chute was your idea!" he protested, but even as he did he smiled at the memory.
"I never said it was my finest moment, either," she shrugged, shooting him a small grin before her face turned serious again. "But I'm actually talking about after all of that. Everyone expected me to fall apart. And to be honest with you, there were times when I wanted to. I lost almost everything that mattered to me in less than a standard minute. I was devastated."
Han hesitated. Leia had never talked to him directly about what had happened to Alderaan and he hadn't expected her to start now. There had been times he was pretty sure was was thinking about it, and even times when she'd told him stories about her family, and growing up there, but there had never been a time when she'd seemed inclined to talk about the planet's destruction and he'd never thought it was right to push the matter. He wasn't sure what to say, now that she was finally bringing it up, and so he decided to just wait for her to go on. As the silence continued, though, it became clear she did want or expect a response of some kind, and so he replied sincerely, all traces of joking gone from his voice. "Of course you were. Anyone would be. But you're wrong that everyone expected you to fall apart. I never thought you'd do that."
"No," Leia agreed, a ghost of a smile flitting across her face. "You never thought I'd do that. Over a thousand people were on base at that time, and of all of them, one person didn't expect me to fall apart. Even Luke, and Mon, and Riekaan all seemed to just want me to get through the Battle of Yavin before I fell apart. It was never a question for them that I would. But you never treated me like they did. You treated me like you expected me to keep going. You treated me like I could take it. You treated me like I could take your barbs on top of it, too." She shook her head, her eyes slightly distant, as though she were lost in a memory. "Not even I knew I could take it, but every time I thought about falling apart you were there. And I'd think to myself, if that arrogant smuggler thinks I can keep going, then I can keep going."
Han shook his head, feeling that she was wrong in some essential way. "You'd have kept going anyway."
She looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. "Yes, I think I would have. But it was easier knowing someone else thought I could." She hesitated for the first time before placing a hand on his arm, and even though her touch was light he felt as though it was burning into him as she continued, her voice oddly impassioned. "That's why I really wish you'd accept the commission they want to give you. Not because I think you're a natural leader, even though you are, or because I know you'd be effective, even though you would. But because when I think about our troops-- not the ones that are highly skilled or trained, but about most of our troops, the ones who come to us without experience-- I know there's no one I'd rather trust their lives with than you. And I don't just mean that I trust you more than anyone to keep them alive-- I mean I trust you more than anyone to believe in them and to make sure that they're actually okay."
"Leia," Han said heavily, feeling deeply moved and also terribly unworthy of her praise. It had been easier, all these months, to convince himself that what she felt for him was mostly contempt or something like it. To think that she might actually have a high opinion of him, when she wasn't busy insulting him within an inch of his life, was almost more than he could process. Worst of all, though, he was suddenly finding it hard to remember all the reasons that he couldn't accept a commission-- all the reasons that he didn't want to.
"Han," Leia replied, startling him from his thoughts. As his eyes met hers her grip on his arm tightened, just slightly, and she leaned just one more inch toward him, looking as though she felt it was the most natural thing in the world that she'd be sitting next to him, that their knees were still touching. Carefully, not allowing himself to overthink the gesture or what it might mean, Han placed his own hand on top of hers. Leia looked down and blushed, just slightly, but she didn't move away, and after another moment her eyes shot up to meet his and she licked her lips. "Han," she repeated, but her voice was different now, warmer and somehow inviting, and for once Han thought they were probably on the same page about what she was inviting him to do as he tightened his grip on her hand.
[I am sorry to interrupt the mating rituals,] Chewie said suddenly from the doorway, and Leia jumped back as though someone had fired a blaster at her, nearly falling off the couch, and sending her glass of whisky crashing to the floor.
Han looked from Chewie to Leia in disbelief, feeling like the whole situation was too surreal for him to even be upset.
"It's okay, Chewie, we're not arguing now," Leia said after a long moment before flashing a slightly sardonic smile. "At least, not too much."
Han cringed as he waited for Chewie to correct Leia's understanding of the word 'mating' but to his relief the Wookie didn't seem inclined to linger on that now.
[I am sorry,] Chewie repeated, [but High Command is hailing the Princess through the Falcon's main communications system. They say it is very urgent.]
To Han's shock Leia rolled her eyes, though some distant part of him realized that given the events of the past 24 hours it shouldn't really surprise him. "I don't want to talk to them. And Han and I are busy. Tell them I'll call back later. Or better yet, tomorrow."
[I told her you were busy, Princess, but Chancellor Mothma said it could not wait,] Chewie roared as Leia's brow furrowed prettily.
"It's Mon- herself?" Leia asked, sounding disbelieving, before shaking her head. "Guess I'm in more trouble than I thought."
Han knew he should probably be concerned with what the leader of the whole Rebel Alliance wanted with Leia, but as Leia shot him one last look before turning and heading toward the cockpit to talk to Mon, all he could think about was Leia telling Chewie they were busy and what she might have meant by it.