Chapter Text
It soon becomes apparent how easy it would be to fall in love with Toni Shalifoe if Shelby were to let herself. If only she could. But she knows what awaits her in the long term if she does. And she can't go through that again. She isn’t prepared to watch yet another person she loves slowly wither away and die. A century ago, she would have deemed the time she gets to spend with that person worth the pain and sorrow of inevitably losing them, but not anymore. Or so she thought.
Somehow Toni is capable of lighting a fire in her that was extinguished many decades ago. The virtual warmth courses from her heart through her veins to the rest of her body, making her feel like the living once more.
Even with Becca she never felt quite so alive as she does with Toni.
It feels wrong. To depreciate the memory of Becca like that for a woman she's only known for such a short time but already feels so intensely for.
One week soon becomes two weeks, two become three and before Shelby knows it, a whole month has gone by and she's still here.
With every passing day, it becomes harder for her to leave. But she has drawn this out long enough. She was never supposed to stay this long. It’s a decision she made a long time ago. No matter how much Toni makes her want to stay, it's time for her to go.
Warm arms encircle her waist from behind. Shelby leans back, into the embrace, as Toni rests her head on her shoulder and whispers in her ear, “Come to bed.”
Shelby’s heart flutters. It’s the closest her heart has come to beating in centuries. She closes her eyes, relishing in the warmth of the embrace and the setting sun.
Shelby turns around in Toni’s arms and takes in the sight of the woman holding her. Dark curly waves cascade down her shoulders. The warm glow of the setting sun illuminates the freckles and birthmarks that dot her face, highlighting the amber in her kind, serene eyes.
She's breathtaking.
A flicker of worry passes in Toni’s eyes. Her brow creases as she gives her a hesitant smile. “What?”
Instead of answering, Shelby kisses her, softly and languidly. Wistfully, and savoringly.
Without breaking the kiss, Shelby walks her backwards to the bed. When Toni’s knees make contact, Shelby pushes her to sit down and straddles her before capturing her lips again.
Toni breaks away and waits for Shelby to open her eyes. “Are you okay?” She asks, her eyes searching Shelby’s.
She brings her hands to Toni’s face, skimming her fingertips along her jawline and caressing her cheeks. She lightly traces Toni’s parting lips with her thumb. “Yes,” Shelby whispers and leans down to kiss her before Toni can start to question it.
The next morning Shelby wakes up after falling asleep with Toni flush against her as usual, after memorizing her body for the last time.
Her face is nuzzled in Toni’s neck, her arm thrown across her torso. Their legs are intertwined and Toni has her arms around her. Her hold is light as she sleeps, but when Shelby tries to move, it tightens ever so slightly, as if even asleep she can sense what she's about to do.
It won’t be long before the sun comes up. Shelby allows herself a moment longer as she breathes in the familiar, sweet, tantalizing scent of Toni’s skin and the blood that flows underneath, before retracting herself from her embrace, slowly and ever so carefully so as to make sure not to wake her this time.
If she woke her up to say goodbye, Toni would just convince her to stay again. And Shelby can't have that. She would just be prolonging the inevitable. It's time for her to leave. The longer she stays the more Toni might grow attached to her. She can already see it in her eyes. The adoration that could so easily turn into love. And she can't let that happen. Shelby leaving would just hurt her all the more. And the last thing Shelby wants to do is hurt her.
The painting she was supposed to burn lies on Toni’s desk. Shelby decides to leave it. To leave Toni something to remember her by.
She walks around the bed to Toni’s side and presses the lightest kiss on the crown of head, after which she takes off her daylight ring, places it on the nightstand, and leaves her house, just moments before the sun is set to come up.
She knows she’s doing the right thing. The thing she needs to do. But she can’t help but feel a heavy pool of sadness and regret settling deep within her chest as she leaves Toni’s place, the cool winter air of the morning taking away all of the warmth Toni’s body gave her, the usual deathly chill taking its place once more. Why did Shelby have to make this harder than it has to be? She should have just left it at that one day.
Shelby walks down the beach towards the shoreline. She takes off her coat, drops it on the sand and stops walking once she reaches the water. She listens to the pleasant rumble of the waves crashing gently on the shore, the sound soothing her conflicted mind as the water laps at her feet, before retreating again, each time further as low tide draws the water away from her. But she stands still. Waiting. Her skin tingles almost unpleasantly, anticipating the arrival of the first sunrays.
Alongside the inner turmoil, a peacefulness of the like she has never felt before settles over her, knowing what awaits her when the sun finally rises above the horizon.
As her skin starts to heat up, uncomfortably this time, she closes her eyes. She's not sure there is a god but she has always believed there's something out there. Nothingness just seems so unfathomable. She hopes she'll see her family again. She can already envision their faces, welcoming her to wherever death will take her. Would they look like they did before they died? Or would the afterlife have granted them their youth back? She wonders who else she'll see. She thinks of the people she has lost over the years. But as she thinks of Becca she can't stop her thoughts from drifting back to the woman she just left behind without as much as a goodbye. She hopes Toni will forgive her. But she understands if she can't.
She's human. She'll move on. Her memories of Shelby will fade and so will the pain of Shelby leaving. She just hopes Toni won't forget her completely.
Even with her eyes closed, Shelby is utterly aware of the first sun rays as they reach above the horizon, and in the end it’s with Toni on her mind that she waits for the flames to engulf her.