Chapter Text
Since that first phone call requesting Karin’s presence, there had been non stop texts and other calls telling her to come in for a shoot. So many that it got to the point that Karin gave up and compiled, exhausted just out of sheer rage. Even Emma and Kanata were angry on her behalf, going so far as to typing up a complaint letter to send. Karin almost let them email it off.
But at the end of the day, it was just easier to give in and let her employers do this. It was just one time. Anything after this, Karin would hold her ground.
Karin just wants to never get out of bed again.
Sunday morning arrived, and fighting back angry tears, Karin made the trip to the studio, with Emma and Kanata for company. They stood either side of her, both pressing up against her in comfort as they wait in a huddle for their train. Even on the train, they sit all side by side in a row, with Karin in the middle. The physical pressure feels nice, protective, comfortable. Not for the first time, Karin rejoices in how much she loves them both. Her friends really do make everything okay, or at least bearable.
They manage to cram some small amount of study on the train, enough to make Karin feel a little better about the midterms coming up.
All three girls were tired, Karin could see how stretched thin they all were. It’s not fair. How had anyone survived school before this? It’s often something one sees in movie: the last year of school is filled with mean teachers and scary deadlines and the threats of failing. But they never show the amount of study that actually happens, all the tears and panic attacks and restless nights. How is anyone supposed to cope?
There’s not even the reward of satisfaction after completing a mock paper or writing out notes anymore, the sense of achievement that Karin used to love no longer ties her to the end goal. It’s just her and her wrung out brain.
The train trip is mostly silent for the three of them. The air is slightly chilly, that has Kanata donning a thick knit cardigan and Emma clutching a thermos flask of hot coffee. Karin gazes at the two sporadically, between her reread of study notes.
Kanata usually looks pretty sleepy, that's always a given. But it’s normally cute. The big yawns that leave tears in her eyes, the gentle exclamations while she stretches, and even the small, content smile that graces itself on her face when she rests her head on someone’s lap. But now it’s not cute. Kanata is quiet, with a small pouting mouth and a picker in her eyebrows as she concentrates on the textbook she’s holding.
And she’s not the only one looking so burnt out.
Emma’s freckles stand out more against her paler than normal skin, except for the dark tone under her eyes, looking fragile and tired. Even strong, optimistic Emma can’t seem to escape the horrors of sleepless nights. It breaks Karin’s heart.
As soon as this week is over, they’ll be free for a little while, and Karin is gonna help throw the best damn slumber party ever. Maybe even she is looking forward to Friday a little bit.
Once they reach their stop, Emma and Kanata accompany Karin all the way to the studio building, where Emma wraps her arms around Karins neck, and Kanata hugs Karin’s waist.
They’re warm, a nice heavy warmth that Karin can use as armor to survive the day. A reminder that this is what she has waiting for her.
“It’s just one day, Karin. You can do it.” Emma says, pressing the words into the hair near Karin’s ear before stepping back. Kanata gives one more squeeze, before she follows suit.
“Emma and I will be hanging around here, so as soon as you’re done, we will all head back together.”
Karin almost cries.
Instead: “Thank you both so much. Try not to have too much fun without me.”
The separating laugh they share rings in her ears as she leaves them outside. Maybe it’s not so bad of a day.
Despite her nature to keep her emotions secret, Karin decides to not hide the fact that she is pissed. Yes, she knows that it’s unprofessional and yes, she knows it’s petty. However, amplified with the stress and exhaustion, Karin just cannot be bothered keeping a lid on it today, especially since this temp agent didn’t give her the same consideration.
So she strides into the building and punches the buttons in the elevator, and stalks her way to the studio room, throwing the door open.
She almost prays she gets fired.
That’s not how it goes though. With barely a word, people start ushering her into the chair in front of a basin and mirror, as makeup artists and hair stylists dive into her like she’s a bucket of candy.
Often, sitting in the chair while everyone fusses about her is kinda of relaxing. She can simply tune out everything and just let her thoughts take her to wherever she damn wants. It’s the closest thing Karin has to meditation. It’s not so bad.
But it seems like the temp agent has it out for Karin today, cramming as much misery into her as possible.
The temp hovers over Karin, getting in the way of the makeup artists and starts speaking.
“You know, you cause me a lot of grief this week, i didnt know if you were going to turn up. I have no idea what I would’ve done if you didn’t, I didn’t sleep because I was so stressed about it. Why were you being so difficult? You know, your main agent had nothing but good things to say about you but I don’t know, the lack of respect that everyone here has shown me has been horrendous. You would think…”
She drones on and on, not stopping until the hair stylist snaps at her to go away so they can work.
By that point, Karin is shaking, angry and upset and so overwhelmed with noise and fatigue that she can’t help but let slip a few tears.
“Sorry,” she whispers to one of the makeup artists doing her mascara, a young guy with a lot of piercings in one ear. He’s one of the regulars, who’s piercings have never been the same twice since she’s known him. He’s always been really nice to Karin, often telling her stories about his days in college or about his fiancé, all stories that made her laugh.
He doesn’t try to make her laugh today. Instead he clicks his tongue and shakes his head, grabbing a tissue and delicately drying her lashes and fixing the now messy makeup.
“She’s been nothing but a pain since she started here. It’s not your fault. Just a few more weeks and she’ll be gone okay?”
Karin just sighs.
He smiles at her gently.
“Just sit tight for now. It will be over soon.”
The actual photoshoot isn’t so bad. It’s for a vintage inspired magazine, and this issue's theme is the western 1930’s glam. It’s certainly not Karin’s typical style, but she enjoys it nonetheless, being shoved in fur coats and silk dresses, even a few suits too.
The main thing is that the temp agent doesn't bother her again.
And while she doesn’t get all that much time to study, she does get a few selfies in, hiding the outfits of course, but of her makeup, and sends them to the idol group chat.
She reasons that it could be good inspiration for future makeup looks when they do a performance. Really though, maybe she just could use some nice attention, maybe some praise. Is that so wrong? She doesn’t think anyone could judge her too much for it.
Karin:
-5 photos attached
Ayumu:
-hey looking good!!
Yu:
KARIN!!! you look amazing!!!
Ai:
-awww you’re so cute!!! I wanna try that!!
Shizuku:
-So pretty! You look like a Hollywood star <3
Ai:
-lol wheres emma I bet she’d eat this up
Kanata:
-was about to say, you all should’ve heard the noise that came out of Emma’s mouth. she fully squealed
Kanata:
-bright red and everything hehe
Ai:
-HAHAHA
“Oh my god,” Karin whispers to herself as the teasing messages roll in. She feels her own face heat up, her stomach twisting into something painful as she fights down the embarrassing giddiness of it all.
Resisting the urge to sink to her knees, she decides to lean into it. Just to tease, that’s all. Absolutely not to push for more, to hear how Emma might also be just as embarrassed.
Karin
-oh? Should I send more emma?
It feels so cringe to say shit like this. Karin knows. But it’s also easier to say this sort of stuff through a message, when no one can see her blush.
Normally, flirting with girls to tease them comes so easily to Karin, like second nature to her. But as soon as it comes to her Emma, the one person she would flirt with and mean it, she just freezes up. Emma makes her feel nervous, in a good way, but jittery and shy, and then it really defeats the whole purpose for Karin to even try.
But this. Karin could work with this.
Karin:
-maybe I could send some to just you
Emma:
-maybe you should then
Fuck fuck fuck. The other reason why Karin can’t try flirting her way to flustering Emma, is because Emma is for some reason immune to it, and gives it back stronger, seemingly without effort.
Karin is dying here. How is she supposed to get anywhere with this?
The chat continues on, suddenly sparked by Emma’s theoretical gauntlet throwing. Karin doesn’t know how to respond.
“Karin? Are you almost done getting changed?” The temp suddenly calls out. Karin jumps, suddenly remembering the here and now, and that she was supposed to be getting on another suit.
She clicks her phone off and finishes pulling the jacket on.
“Yes I’m coming now.”
Karin doesn’t look at that trainwreck of a chat again when the shoot finally wraps up, instead sending a message to the group of just her, Kanata and Emma, letting them know that she's finished.
It’s about midafternoon when Karin steps out of the building, with no trace of the morning’s chill. Karin squints against the bright sunlight, so used to the artificial white lighting indoors. The days are getting longer and hotter, just another reminder that midterms are coming up and summer break is close. Normally, the excitement for summer outweighs the stress for midterms. Because summer brings so many good things; late nights and sleep-ins, her birthday, lazy hangouts with friends, yummy food and drinks…
But this year feels different. This is her last year before everything changes. School has been all she has ever known. What will happen to her friends? Will they all stay in touch? Does Emma go back home? What will happen to the other six who still have a couple years left?
There’s just so much uncertainty about the future that it makes Karins head swim.
Seriously, how does anyone cope with this?
Someone calls out in front of her. Looking up, she sees Emma waving and Kanata walking quickly to her.
Push it down, drown it out.
Just one more week.
Kanata ends up plonking her head on Karin’s shoulder for the trip home. It’s not so bad except she needs to get off one stop before Karin and Emma do, and Karin is gonna feel real bad waking her up.
For now though it’s okay. Because Karin quietly tells Emma about her day, how horrible the temp was, and how she just wanted to cry.
Emma is a little taken aback with Karin’s openness, she can tell, as Emma’s eyebrows raise in mild surprise and her mouth falls open slightly. But it’s fine, Karin is simply too tired to keep herself hidden right now. And the temp agent really did just make things worse.
“But at least, one of the makeup artists said that she will be gone in a couple weeks, and then everything will go back to normal. So I just have to hang on til then.”
She watches then, as Emma tenses her jaw and exhales forcefully from her nose.
“How is that fair though? You shouldn’t have to ‘hang on’ or put up with anything for any time! There’s no one you could talk to?”
“Well I mean yeah. But they’ll just tell me the same thing everyone else has: she’ll be gone soon.”
Emma turns away, folding her arms with a pout. Knowing how much she cares makes Karin soften. It’s really sweet, and so so validating, knowing she’s allowed to be angry.
She slides her arm around Emma’s, and tries to gently pry it away from her. When it’s free, she determinedly holds her hand, and watches as Emma’s face falls away from frustration and into something more open, eyes going wide as she once again turns to Karin.
With a squeeze, Karin says, “Thank you for caring, Emma. It means the world to me, and it’s more than enough to get me through this.”
“But-”
“I’m okay, promise. I’m just letting off steam y’know?”
Emma sighs again, more defeated than upset. Then: a small smile, and a hand squeeze back.
“If you say so.”
They’ve been holding hands a lot lately, enough to make it feel both normal and so unclear where they stand with each other.
Emma has always been a physically affectionate person with all her friends, never shying away from hugs from anyone. But Karin knows it’s different between them, unintended or not. Longer hugs when they are both just standing around after idol practice, heads resting against heads, legs touching when they are sitting around with friends. Karin notices. And maybe it’s just that Emma likes Karin enough to want that. But surely Emma feels it too, right?
Lately, Karin seeks it out, selfishly. But Emma is always happy to oblige, with just a smile and no trace of shyness. But it’s so unclear what this is now. There’s no way Emma doesn’t feel it.
It scares Karin so much. The age old fear of what if this is just being friendly?
What if this is just how girls are friends?
But then, she looks at how Emma holds her other friends, how she compliments them, how she talks about them.
Karin isn’t sure what it is. But there’s definitely a difference.
Emma keeps a firm grip on Karin’s hand, and doesn’t let go, even when the both wake Kanata before her stop, even when they reach their stop, not even when they are walking from the train to the dorms.
They only part when they get to their rooms, when Emma digs for her keys in her bag.
“Did you wanna come in for a bit?” Emma offers.
Karin wants nothing more than to sleep.
“Sure,” she replies.
Karin gets to sleep in the end, as her and Emma curl up on her bed and pass out for a good five hours.
She wakes to Emma sitting up typing on a laptop. Karin can see from where her head is pressed to Emma’s side, that Emma has gone and typed up notes for Karin.
The week goes by painfully slow, yet incredibly fast at the same time. Exams are all crammed yet spaced out so far apart over the five days, with nothing but studying in between. Lunch is spent in the library, sometimes others are there, looking just as sluggish and uptight as Karin feels.
Even Ai looks stern as she reads through a textbook on Wednesday.
Karin barely gets to say a word to her, though Ai does offer a half hearted smile and a thumbs up, when the bell rings. It’s small, but it does wonders to perk up Karin.
That’s the most interaction Karin gets with any of her friends during school hours. A brief high-five with Yu here, a quick wave from Setsuna there, maybe a small glance from Shizuku at one point.
Karin misses them all. She doesn’t care how tired she is on Friday, the karaoke/slumber party they all have planned is something she is suddenly and intensely looking forward to. She needs it. She wants it. As though it’s been months since she last got to hang out with them and not days.
When Karin isn’t studying or in an exam, she’s sleeping or eating. The only reason she remembers to ever eat is because Emma comes around with food she made, sitting on the couch in silence as they refuel. Few words are exchanged between them but that’s okay. Karin understands perfectly.
They often nap together too, which ordinarily make Karin fluster or have yet another crisis of what ifs, but she’s too fatigued to care. All she knows is Emma’s reassuring warmth next to her, and the rest doesn’t matter.
It’s rough, but the sheer frenzy of it all meant that in a blink of an eye, it was Friday afternoon, and Karin sits back as she wraps up her last midterm.
For the first time in what feels like years, Karin smiles with genuine relief.
As per the plan, Karin sets off to the shop with Ai and Rina to buy snacks, while the others help Emma set up the form area.
Karin kinda wishes she thought to buy everything before now, because the last thing she wants to be doing is standing up and roaming around outside. While the heat wouldn’t normally bother her, there isn’t a lot of energy she has left to shrug it off now.
However, as she walks alongside tiny Rina and a bouncy Ai, she is glad to not be alone in the endeavor.
Ai chatters the entire way there about nothing and everything, not stopping for a pause until they all find themselves in the sweets aisle at the local grocery store (thankfully blasting the air conditioning).
Karin, with a basket hanging from her arm, is browsing a selection of chocolates when Ai speaks again.
“So… what gunna be the move tonight?” Karin glances over to her, expecting the question to have been directed at Rina, but is startled to find both girls staring at her.
Ai’s cheeky expression already has Karin feeling hot in the face.
“Wha- what was that?” She tries to spit out sternly, ruined by her embarrassment.
This makes Ai grin wider. She slings a casual arm around Rina and leans on her. While Karin isn’t as tuned to Rina as Ai is, Karin is beginning to learn Rina’s expressions, and can tell by how slow the shorter girl's breathing is, how carefree her hands swing by her side, that Rina is at the very least relaxed. Possibly also laughing at Karin.
“Well I don’t know about you, but this pining has gone on long enough for me, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ai,” Karin grits.
“Surely you can admit it to us right? Dude, you’re so obvious! With all the hand holding and always touching and shit? God the way you look at her dude, it’s enough to melt any heart.” Ai fake swoons then, wrapping both arms around Rina and starts rocking her back and forth.
“Tch,” Karin turns back to the chocolates and grabbing whatever is in front of her. “L-like you’re one to talk. You two are basically joined at the hip right now.”
She looks back to see Ai’s mouth drop open in -
disbelief? Even Rina’s eyes seem to widen. And Karin thinks that maybe this is a small victory, they’ll both start blushing and pull away in embarrassment any second now, she’s got them-
“Wait, you don’t know?” Ai says, genuinely surprised.
“Huh? Know what?”
“Ai and I have been dating since the start of idol club, Karin.” Rina says, with a tilt of her head.
The three of them stand quietly, as Karin tries to process this.
“Really? Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“Oh my god. Karin, we thought it was obvious!” Ai exclaims, pulling away from her girlfriend to double over with laughter. Rina rests a small hand on Ai’s back, and turns back to Karin.
“Sorry, we really did think it was clear. I hope that’s not an issue.”
“No of course not!” Karin shouts, them winces as she remembers they are in public. Stepping closer, she lowers her voice.
“Like, I’m kind of relieved if I’m honest. And happy for you both. Well-” giving Ai a mock glare, she rolls her eyes at Rina. “Happy for you at least. I’m sorry you have to put up with this train wreck of a person though.”
Rina sees through the mocking with a really small smile. Not quite a smile, but a softening of Rina’s features. Karin can tell that’s a smile.
“It’s going to be okay, Karin. Once Ai gets the teasing out of her system, we really can offer advice. If you want. For Emma.”
Ai stands up and wipes tears away from her eyes, and assumes her original position of arms slinging across shoulder. It is obvious now, in hindsight. Karin mentally kicks herself. Either she is the most oblivious person in the world or-
No, that’s just it, she accepts grumpily. Ai wins this one.
“Thanks,” she mumbles, feeling awkward and exposed and just. Drained of brain capacity. “Maybe later, I’ll take you up on that.”
A lie, but maybe buried deep in the swirly mess of her emotions, is the awakening of something small but exciting.
It would be nice to talk to someone about her ever growing affection for Emma. Maybe even some advice.
Maybe.
“Whoa you guys took forever! I’m starving!” Is the first thing Karin, Ai and Rina are greeted with at the dorm common room.
Kasumi crowds them out as Karin laughs and brushes past her to the coffee table near the couches.
“I’m really sorry, we saw the cutest dog on the way back and we had to say hello!” Ai says as Rina joins Karin in depositing the snacks.
The couches and armchairs have been pushed closer together and further away from the tv, to make room for the air mattresses that are currently resting along the wall. Karin glances at everyone before looking at Emma, paranoid that she somehow found out about her conversation with Ai and Rina.
No such thing. Everyone in the room seems pretty normal, all having changed out of their uniforms and into casual, comfy clothes, and unbothered by Karin’s presence at all.
Emma is crouched in front of the tv cabinet, fiddling with wires for what looks to be a PlayStation 4 console. Kanata sits beside her, unwrapping controller cords from each other. Setsuna and Shizuku are sitting on the couch with a pile of games between them, both too invested in reading the covers to notice Karin. Ayumu and Yu share one of the armchairs, also sharing earphones and seem too invested in whatever is on Ayumu’s phone to look up to notice Karin as well.
Emma notices.
“Oh hey, how did you go?” She says, looking over her shoulder to see Karin, a greeting smile in place. She plugs some cords to the back of the console, and with a satisfied huff, swivels around on her knees and faces Karin properly, donning the sweetest beam that Karin has ever been blessed with. How is that fair? This girl is going to be the death of her.
“Good, I think we got enough for all of us.” She smiles back, placing her plastic bag full of chocolates and candies atop the table. Rina and Ai walk up beside Karin and do the same.
“We got some biscuits and baked goods too. Oh and also juice and soda! We are all set in the snack department.” Ai says, feigning standing to attention and saluting. Everyone giggles at her enthusiasm, as Kanata places down the controller and heaves herself up.
“I’ll get some bowls and cups for everyone then,” she eases, wondering past everyone and into the kitchen.
“Wonderful,” Emma says, also climbing to her feet. “We are almost done setting up here. I suppose you three wanna get changed?”
All three girls nod.
When Emma smiles in response, offering Ai and Rina her room to get dressed in, it finally feels like summer break. Karin finally feels weightless.
Anyone looking in would not think that these ten girls just finished taxing midterms with how lively and happy everyone was. They laugh and sing and eat sweets and just unwind.
Some rounds of Mario Kart and Sonic Racing later, Karin finds herself squished up between Emma and Ai on the couch watching a horror movie. Rina sits in Ai’s lap, and Emma has her face pressed into Karin’s shoulder, and is almost in her lap as well, but out of fear rather than anything else.
A particularly brutal jumpscare has Emma squealing and burying her face deeper, and Karin can’t help but laugh.
The credits roll, and it’s quickly decided that karaoke must happen now before the nightmares sink in.
As Shizuku swaps discs around and inserts singstar, Karin wraps her arms around Emma and rocks them both dramatically.
“Aw is big brave Emma scared? What happened to your big game talk before hmm?” She teases. Emma lifts her head and stares at Karin sternly, but Karin knows she’s being playful.
Their faces are really close.
“Aren’t you supposed to be making me feel better?”
“Oh, is that what you want? How do you want me to make you feel better then, hm?” Karin smirks, feeling brave enough to squash the nervousness, to lean into her a bit more, maybe be the one to make Emma flustered instead.
But Emma’s face changes, dropping the sulky act as an idea obviously comes to her. She perks up and sits back.
“You know, you never did send me more photos of yourself in that pretty makeup. Maybe you could sing me a song instead.” She says defiantly.
Karin feels dizzy with the rush of heat to her face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, Karin wasn’t meant to be the embarrased one.
“What-”
“Ooh, better yet!” Emma suddenly claps her hands and scrambles off the couch, leaving Karin to fluster by herself. “How about I sing for you, yes?”
By now, everyone else is giggling, and Karin, while very much not enjoying being in the spotlight with so many people, is enjoying this attention from Emma.
It makes Karin feel electrocuted, like there’s remnants of buzzing still crackling beneath her skin, making her heart race with some unnamed emotion.
Karin leans into the taunt.
“And what are you going to sing for me, Emma?”
It’s not often Karin gets to see this side of Emma, the teasing, sharp confidence in place of her usual soft, wholesome temperament.
With a cheeky grin, Emma picks up the controller and starts scrolling through the song options.
“The most cheesy, romantic song on here. I am going to serenade you on this fine night, mia cara.”
A gaudy, twangy kind of music begins to play, and as the lyrics begin to show on screen, everyone absolutely cackles with laughter.
To add to Karin’s mortification, Emma doesn’t look at the screen, instead turns around and sings every sappy line directly to Karin.
Karin doesn’t know if she wants this to stop immediately or for it to continue forever.
Emma is singing in that lovely, earnest voice of hers, about love, about wanting her. Directly to Karin.
And in that moment, with their eye contact uninterrupted, Karin can’t tell if this is a joke anymore.
It’s not fair.
It was never a joke to me. I am going to make you realise. I am going to tell you how much you mean to me.