Archive of Our Own

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36  BETTER BE SURE

Kai isn’t used to this studio. It's further south in the city and he has to travel a long ways to get here and navigate vaguely familiar streets. The building is oddly shaped, and there are always more people in it. Mostly it just takes a while to get to, and he misses the other facility.

When he was younger and still dancing, the pre-collegiate division and general dance studio was housed in the same studio where the company now rehearses. Lots of things have changed during his absence, including this location. This is his mother’s second branch now, where the little kids are taught dance every evening, and if Kai didn’t know that Sehun was just a few rooms down teaching a similar class, he’d feel very much alone.There’s nothing quite as odd as spending three hours teaching wailing children how to move their feet, and at the end of the day to send them home and hear only silence echoing back. At least he survived Day 1. It's only Monday, but this is the only night he's agreed to teach, as per arrangement with his mother.

He packs his bag and changes his shoes, throws on a sweater and tosses his other coat over his shoulder. He’s not ready to leave yet. Sehun promised him a cheap dinner in congratulations for becoming a teacher, and his best friend still has another fifteen minutes of teaching to do.

Kai finds himself poised in the hallway outside of Sehun’s classroom where a long plexiglass window allowed outsiders to see in, and the students to see only a mirror from the inside. A few parents mill around in the hallway. One of them actually recognizes Kai from his younger days. He remembers the woman as the mother of one-time fellow dancer. It seems the woman’s oldest daughter has given up the art, but her younger sister still attends. 

Half a dozen awkward questions later about why Kai doesn’t dance in the company, and he’s exhausted both mentally and physically. He can’t even recall exactly which variation of half-lies and half-truths he gave this time. His answers always change from person to person. 

‘Oh yes, I was gone for a little while.’  ‘Yes, I moved to another state.’  ‘Well, I don’t really dance professionally anymore.’  ‘Yes, my mom spends most of her time at the other studio.’  ‘Well you see, my back isn’t quite in shape…’  ‘Is it an injury? Well, yes and no…’  ‘Yes, I’ve been getting some physical therapy done on it…’  ‘Oh, well thank you for your thoughts and well-wishes.’ 

By the time she found someone else to talk to in the lobby, Kai wishes he had left sooner. Five more minutes till Sehun finishes his class. Kai leans up again the glass and lazily watches his friend. Five years ago he never imagined that Sehun would make a decent teacher, let alone a good one. It wasn’t even his passion, really, but teaching ended up suiting him well. Resting bitch face aside, Sehun actually had limitless patience for kids. It would be a shame if he ever gave it up. He was so much better than Kai.

“Hey, were you waiting long?” Sehun asks as his class finally dribbles out of the room and into the arms of their awaiting parents.

“Nope. Hungry though. What’s this meal you promised me?”

Sehun grins happily. “Ramyun! The Japanese kind, if you don’t mind. I found a good place around the corner a couple months ago. You’ll love it.”

“I’ll love whatever you’re treating,” Kai says, clapping his friend on the back.

“Did you tell your boyfriend that you’re cheating on him for free food?” Sehun jokes.

“What Baekhyun doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Kai winks.

“Tut tut,” Sehun articulates. “Oh well. He’s probably busy tonight anyways, right? Late rehearsals and all that?”

“I think so.”

“You only think? Don’t you know? Don’t you know what he’s up to at every minute of the day? What if he sneaks off on you!” Sehuns gasps, overdoing the scandalized face.

“You mean like how I’m sneaking off him on now?”

“Well, duh!”

“I told him I was having dinner with you tonight.”

“See that’s the kind of thing that’s— oh, what?” Sehun nearly misses the point. “You told him? Psh. And I wanted to have some fun. You’re too tied to each other. It’s boring. You’re such a boring couple.”

“We are not!” Kai insists, although personally he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with being a boring couple. 

“Yes, you are. You haven’t even done anything yet.”

Kai shushes him quickly and looks around, double-checking that they’re out of hearing range of any parents. Once they’re on the street he resumes the conversation. “Well not completely, but we have talked about things…”

“Yeah? Like what kinds of things…”

Things like Kai Bai Bo. Kai doesn’t say that though. He shrugs off Sehun’s attack and demands they find food first. Sehun decides to let it go, for now.

A few minutes later Sehun ushers them into a tiny strip of a restaurant, and the smell of ramyun and spices distracts them completely. He orders off of Sehun’s suggestions and checks his phone while they wait. 

Baekhyun: How was your first day?!

Baekhyun: Were the kids all brats and did you win them over with your charm yet??

Kai grins and hurriedly types in his reply. Baekhyun likely won’t answer since his messages were sent half an hour ago, and if he has his schedule memorized as well as he thinks he does, his boyfriend shouldn’t get another break for another twenty. Not that breaks mean anything when a company is rehearsing late.

Kai: I’m dead. I’m lying in a ditch. I was kicked to death by a million little feet

Kai: About to eat ramyun with Sehun. He’s annoying.

“Hey. You’re supposed to be paying attention to me tonight!” Sehun complains. Kai shuts his phone off not a second too soon. “Quit talking to Baekhyun for a moment, okay?”

“It was just one text. Chill.” Kai beams across the table at his friend.

The arrival of their food signals another halt to Sehun's complaining. Both are starving and the broth is hot, and it nearly makes up for the chill night weather. Kai shivers a little too hard when another group of customers come through the door, a gust of wind behind them. His muscles retract and something in his neck tightens uncomfortably. 

“Are you okay?” Sehun asks in response to the slight frown on Kai’s face.

“Yeah.”

“You sure?” It sounds like a casual question, although Kai knows that Sehun means more.

“Yes. Just a little tired. Been on my feet all day.”

Sehun considers him for a moment with a blank face, and then he returns to his bowl. “Just don’t push yourself, okay?” he adds quietly before taking another spoonful. 

It’s Tuesday evening again before Kai expects to see Baekhyun. Apart from a late lunch on Sunday, they haven’t seen each other since then, Baekhyun because of his rehearsals and Kai because he actually is a student, and his assignments are giving him a lot of grief. He sits in his currently empty apartment and attempts to write an essay, but most of his attention goes to why on earth Kyungsoo’s side of the room always seems to look nicer than his. Kai even made his bed this morning, but it doesn’t help much with the overall clutter of his things. 

He likes Baekhyun’s apartment better. Frankly, he likes Baekhyun’s single bedroom better. His boyfriend is supposed to drop by soon, but then again Kyungsoo is also due home within the hour.

The phone rings just as Kai decides to go back to his work, although the caller isn’t one he expects. 

“Dad? Hey.”

Despite the fact that he lived in the same town as the man for nearly two years, they don’t actually have a habit of communicating regularly now that Kai’s moved back home. 

“Hey, Kai. Just thought I’d call and see how you were doing.”

The last time they spoke was roughly three weeks ago, and Kai hadn’t exchanged more than a few pleasantries about his life, and just a hint that he might be seeing a boy. About his sexual orientation, they’d never had a real discussion. His dad didn’t disapprove, but then Kai never elaborated, so there was nothing specifically to approve or disapprove of.

Now locked into a conversation about the weather and movies and holiday plans that Kai wouldn’t be able to attend anyways, he gives up his essay and crawls on top of his bed with the phone still held to his ear. It’s definitely a better way of passing the time than staring at a computer screen. 

“So you don’t think you’ll be able to visit for Christmas this year?”

“No. Probably not. I’ll have some school stuff to work on over the break, plus…” Kai paused to swallow and then fluff his pillow out behind his head. “Plus, this will be the first holiday in a couple years with mom so…”

“Yeah, I understand. Well, how about Spring Break? Do you get that off?”

“I do… maybe. Definitely summer though.”

His dad hums casually through the receiver. “Well that sounds like a plan.” Someone yells in the background and Kai hears other people talking including a yip that sounds horribly like his dog Monggu. “Hey, your brother wants to chat,” his dad says then. “I’m going to pass over the phone. Talk to you later, ok? Call us soon!”

Kai tells him goodbye, and then switches his cell phone to the other ear. His eight-year old half-brother comes on the line shortly after that.

“Kai? Kai?? Kai, I miss you!”

“Hey, David. Missed you too!” He can’t help but smile at his brother’s excited little voice. 

“What are you doing? Are you busy? Do you like New York? When can I come to visit? Monggu misses you!”

Kai laughs into the receiver and tries to slow the little boy down. “Hey, one thing at a time! But what do you think I’m doing right now? I’m talking to you!”

He hears him pout over the line, grumpiness setting in for all of five seconds before he’s off on a rant again about his school day. Kai has a moment of nostalgia for all the times David would talk to him and hang out with him on a near daily basis back when he lived in Houston. Kai hadn’t lived with his dad’s new family, but they had rented a small flat for him that was two blocks from the high school he graduated from, and a block away from Kai’s doctor’s office. He’d borrowed a car too, and could drive to see his family every couple of days. David was one of the people Kai missed most, after his dad and his dog.

“Did you know we got Monggu a friend?” David tells him happily.

“No? You did?”

“Yep. Another poodle. Her name’s Jjiangu, and she’s white and she’s a real toy poodle!” 

“Aww, that’s great.”

Someone knocks on the door, and Kai stands up to answer it, his brother still yapping away about how the dogs got along, and how his mother’s cat hated them both. 

Kai pulls open the door just as Baekhyun is about to pound on it again. He nearly trips into the room, and Kai just grins at him. 

“What are—?” Baekhyun starts to scold. Kai points at the phone at his ear before he can finish, and Baekhyun shuts up. He makes himself at home quickly, dropping his dance bag onto the floor by the bed and throwing himself onto it face first.

Kai only hears half of what David is telling him now. The image of Baekhyun passed out is too good to pass up. 

“Hey, Kai, what are you feeding me! I’m starving!” Baekhyun cries, half into the mattress.

“And then Sadie was sitting on top of the chair and Jjiangu walked by her, and she hissed at her and scratched her nose!”

“Feeeed me!”

“Ooh, is somebody there right now?” David halts his story-telling.

“Yeah,” Kai tells him. “My friend, Baekhyun.”

He hears David make a little sigh of comprehension. “Ahhh, Baekhyun the guy you used to talk about?”

“Yep, that Baekhyun.”

The real Baekhyun, hearing his name, picks his head up and frowns. “Who are you talking to, and why do you make me sound like some kind of nutter?”

“Is he the guy,” David continues, “that you liked? Are you… are you dating him now?”

Kai smiles down at his boyfriend in a teasing manner. “Yep. We’re dating now.”

Baekhyun looks mildly satisfied.

“Oooh. Congratulations? Can I talk to him? I want to talk to Baekhyun! Can I, Kai? Can I say hi, Kai? Pleeeaaase?” 

Kai chuckles. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t scare him, okay?”

“I won’t!”

To Baekhyun he holds out the phone and mouths, ‘It’s my brother, David.’

‘Your half-brother?’ Baekhyun whispers back.

Kai nods and Baekhyun sits up and takes the phone. 

“Hello?”

“Hello. Are you Baekhyun?”

“Yep. Is this David?”

“Yep!”

“And are you the boy who stole Kai away from me for two years?”

The boy on the other end of the line thought that was hilarious. Kai hears his cackles even though he’d given away the phone, as well as the fervent denials that come just a moment later. 

He turns away and starts rummaging in the fridge for something to feed Baekhyun with. Choices are limited, but at least there are some left-overs and a microwave. Gourmet meal tonight. 

“Okay, David. It was nice to meet you too!” Baekhyun calls after a few minutes of play-talking. Kai turns around, waiting to see if he needs to take the phone back. “Do you want to talk to your brother again? … No? … Okay. Bye-bye!”

Baekhyun thumps the phone into the bed and sighs happily.

“Well?” Kai asks. “Now that you’ve met the family?”

“It was just your little brother, so I don’t know if that counts for everyone, but wow — he sounds cute!” 

Kai pouts.

“I mean. You’re cuter, obviously,” Baekhyun amends.

“Better,” says Kai. “Okay, so we have left-over fried rice, left-over takeout, or ramen. What sounds good?”

“Hmmmmm… none of those options.” Baekhyun stands up and slowly trudges up into Kai’s little bubble. Arms encircle his waist and a chin folds itself over Kai’s shoulder.

Kai pretends to ignore him. “It’s left-overs or nothing.”

“And what if I choose nothing?” 

Against his will, Baekhyun starts to pull him away from the tiny closet-like kitchen. Kai shuffles backwards still in Baekhyun’s arms until Baekhyun hits the corner of the bed and sits down, pulling Kai down with him. He topples onto his side, Baekhyun right behind him as he scoots higher up in the bed, arms relinquishing him just long enough to settle right back to where Baekhyun wants them.

“Now isn’t this better?”

“I thought you said you were hungry?”

“Yes, but it can wait. I haven’t seen you in two days. Two days! That’s unreal!” Baekhyun complains. He takes out his frustration by painfully massaging Kai’s back.

“Hey, quit pummeling me. That hurts!”

Baekhyun desists, but continues to mutter. “Whatever. It’s not like you don’t deserve to be beaten. Two whole days and you can’t even make time for me.”

“I had homework! You had rehearsals!” 

“Excuses. Excuses.” Baekhyun holds him tighter. “So, your brother seems to know who I am.”

Kai grunts. “I may… have mentioned your name once or twice.”

“Once or twice?” Baekhyun laughs. “I bet you had a stalker-ish picture of me framed on your wall above your bed.”

Somehow, Kai doesn’t remember how, he ended up rolled onto his back with Baekhyun crouching mostly over his chest.

“Better than the picture you had of me with my eyes stabbed out.” Kai smirks.

There is silence in the room for a full three seconds. Then, “I did not stab your picture!!”

Baekhyun tosses about from the motion of Kai’s chest rocking with silent laughter. His face is so indignant with burned pride and it never fails to make Kai’s heart soar. He covers it up every time with unabashed glee, laughing so hard that Baekhyun can’t get a word in edgewise. He has to hold on to Kai’s body like a surfer riding a particularly turbulent wave, arms and legs clashing. “I did not!” he tries to insist, not caring that his words are lost into the folds of Kai’s shirt as Kai holds him down. 

Kai breathes wildly as his laughter abates, and as he comes back to his senses he realizes that Baekhyun is now snug as a bug, completely on top of him with his head burrowed into his neck. Kai runs a hand through Baekhyun’s sweat-stained silky, black hair, and it’s just light enough that Baekhyun squirms in delight as his nails brush against scalp. 

“Did you come straight from dance?”

“Yes,” comes Baekhyun’s muffled reply. “Why? Do I smell like it?”

“A little.” 

One of Baekhyun’s fists comes up to punch the fleshy front of Kai’s upper arm. 

“I wasn’t complaining,” Kai says. His fingers resume their little dance through Baekhyun’s hair. “Still hungry?”

“Nope.”

“I thought you were hungry.”

“I’m hungrier for you.”

“O-okay…?” 

All Baekhyun has to do to kiss him is lift his head and place his lips just right. Kai gasps when he does, quick to reciprocate. He thrusts his arms quickly down to close around Baekhyun’s waist, urging him upwards along his body, the better to deepen the kiss. Baekhyun parts his knees along Kai’s hips and holds himself up, lips never coming apart. He lets Kai set the pace as they slowly reacquaint themselves with the other’s body. Two days apart, but it’s been even longer since they could really touch other, privately, when no one was around.

Baekhyun grounds down slightly, the thin material of his baggy dance shorts not leaving much to hide. Kai groans and pulls his head back, desperately trying to steady himself, even though he’s the one lying on his back.

Baekhyun goes to work again on his neck, but just then Kai remembers something.

“Baekhyun… Baek… Hey, stop. Wait a minute.”

“What?” Baekhyun whispers. 

“Well, this probably shouldn’t go any further…. here….”

Baekhyun freezes and holds himself up. He suddenly remembers where they are too. “Uhm… where is Kyungsoo and when he is due back?”

“Any time now,” Kai says sadly.

Baekhyun inhales one long breath of air and then sighs. He rolls over, content instead to whine and toss around. Finally, he stills and looks contemplative. “How sound proof is your bathroom?”

“Not very,” Kai admits.

“Damn. Oh well.” He pushes himself into a sitting position side-by-side with Kai, and then slides towards the edge of the bed. With his feet on the ground he bends over and fishes out a pile of clothes from his bag.

“What are you doing?” Kai asks.

“Borrowing your shower. Don’t forget to turn on your shower cam this time.” Baekhyun winks as he hops off the bed. He shuffles backwards towards the door with a cute, expectant smile. “Something hot to eat by the time I get out?”

Kai grins up at him, hands still supporting his halfway sitting posture on the bed. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Baekhyun chirps. He backs into a small shelf in hallway and yelps as he stumbles to avoid half a dozen falling objects.

“I got it. Go shower!” Kai jumps off.

“Sorry! I’ll be quick!” Baekhyun scampers the rest of the way to the bathroom door and Kai just chuckles after him.

Before Kai can start picking up the mess though, he gets a saving text from Kyungsoo including notice of his roommate’s imminent arrival and he’s bearing food. It’s the best news of the day. Or at least the second best news since Baekhyun said he’d come by after rehearsal. 

Kai tosses the left-overs back into the fridge, and since the water in the shower is just turning on, he figures he’s got five more minutes to complete an e-mail to one of his teachers before Kyungsoo gets back and/or Baekhyun comes out.

Kyungsoo gets home first. Kai rescues the bags of food just as his roommate trips over some of the fallen junk. 

“Oww— what?” He surveys the mess at his feet.

“Oh! Sorry! Forgot to pick this stuff up. Sorry, my fault.” He deposits the food on the counter and crouches over the floor to help Kyungsoo pick up a now-scattered pile of mail, a random set of keys, some smallish school book he’d left precariously on the top shelf, now on the floor. 

Kyungsoo swipes up a handful of crumpled take-out receipts, some dollar bills and a few coins. “How’d this stuff get on the floor anyways?” He picks up a small medicine bottle and rattles it around experimentally.

“Baekhyun bumped it on accident.”

“What, did he just not see it?”

“Was walking backwards into it…?” Kai explains.

“Oh. I see. Hey, since when have you been using this stuff again?” He holds up the plastic bottle.

“Uhhm, a few weeks?” Kai avoids staring at it too long.

“Hmm. Oh well. Wanna see what I brought to eat? I didn’t know what he’d eat so I just got an assortment of sandwiches. Surely something will work?”

“Should, yeah. Thanks for getting stuff.” Kai stands up.

Kyungsoo sniffs carelessly. “No problem. Everyone’s gotta eat.”

Baekhyun comes out of the shower minutes later with a towel around his head, clean shirt and shorts. 

“Hey, Kai. Do I have a bruise here?” He lifts the edge of shorts high up revealing his thigh, and Kai blushes since Kyungsoo is also looking. At least his roommate looks away rather quickly, clearing his throat in a polite warning.

Baekhyun looks up, jaw dropping. “Oh. Oops.” He relinquishes the fabric, covering his legs and Kai directs him to the bag of sandwiches. “Food!” he exclaims, excitedly. “Can I eat on your bed?”

Kai nods. He’s already eating and dropping crumbs onto his comforter, so what’s one more to add to the mess?

“Did you bring it?” Baekhyun asks of Kyungsoo. He gnaws off a huge bite and crawls up onto the bed using just his knees. Kai rocks uncomfortably, trying to keep his balance.

“Yeah. It was easy to pick up,” Kyungsoo replies. He spins around rather lethargically in his desk chair, feet crossed and knees up on the armrest. 

“Cool. Well thanks. I’ll treat next time around,” Baekhyun decides.

Kyungsoo grunts to show he heard, and the only noise any of them make for the next few minutes are the sounds of eating and swallowing. Kai thinks it’s a little weird and awkward, but then that’s how he normally is when it’s just him and Kyungsoo. Adding one more person to the mix, even if it’s Baekhyun, doesn’t appear to shake things up very much.

“Ahhh, that was good!” Baekhyun declares finally, tossing the wrapper and then reclining back onto one of Kai’s pillows. 

Kai frowns. “You’re gonna get it wet.”

“Get what wet?”

“My pillow. Your hair?” Kai reminds him.

“Wow, grouchy much?” Baekhyun teases. He scoots further upright though so his head rests against the wall and then looks to Kyungsoo for support. “Is he always this way?”

Kyungsoo just shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“It’s my pillow!” Kai whines. “I like this pillow. It’ll smell if it gets all wet. You don’t take a shower and then go to bed with wet hair anyways. It’s not good for you!”

“I’m not about to fall asleep anytime soon. I’m just resting.” He rolls his eyes, and Kyungsoo smirks sympathetically.

“I’m not even going to ask why you were taking a shower here,” he says.

“Heh!” exhales Baekhyun loudly, embarrassing Kai who shushes him deliberately. “What? I came from rehearsal and you already said I was disgusting so I needed to shower.”

“I didn’t say you were disgusting.”

“It was implied.” Baekhyun sings out, and he purses his lips. 

Kyungsoo continues to rock himself left and right in his chair, enjoying the show. “Hey if you guys want to fight I can take a little walk?” He grins.

“We’re not fighting,” Kai pouts.

“Okay, well if you wanted to do something else, I can still take a little walk.” He grins even more evilly. 

“Been there! Tried that!” Baekhyun declares.

Kai swears he’s going to try hard not to die tonight.

Because Baekhyun insists that Kyungsoo doesn't need to go anywhere — and Kai was pretty sure Kyungsoo wouldn’t anyways — they settle for watching an old movie on Kai’s laptop, which is perfectly aligned to be seen if everybody sits on Kai’s bed. Kyungsoo takes the farthest end and separates himself by a pillow in his lap. Kai tries not to be too clingy with Baekhyun and mostly succeeds. Halfway through it Kyungsoo closes his eyes and dozes anyways.

“Should we stop the movie?” Baekhyun whispers to Kai.

“Nah. He said he’s seen it before.” 

When the movie ends, Kai nudges Kyungsoo off his bed and coaxes him onto his own. Then he pulls a sweater over Baekhyun’s head and insists on walking him home. 

“Want to stop for coffee or dessert somewhere?” Kai suggests, just as Baekhyun yawns. His hair is all dried, but Kai makes sure his hood covers him up sufficiently.

“This late on a Tuesday night? I need to sleep and wake up at a normal hour tomorrow.” He pouts.

“How about dessert then?”

“At this hour on a Tuesday night, Kai? You’re on.”

The place they find isn’t exactly like the coffee shop Baekhyun once followed Kai to, but it is a little similar, and the memories it brings — no longer awkward — make them both smile as they slide into opposing seats of a booth. Baekhyun insists on ordering the biggest pastry they offer, and tea, ‘Because it’s less caffeine than coffee and it tastes better.’

Nothing quite wakes him up, but that’s okay. Kai doesn’t mind this kind of sleepy Baekhyun, and he knows that he truly does need to get enough rest.

“What’s the rest of your week like?” he asks.

Baekhyun has to think about it. “Dance dance. Rehearsals. More rehearsals. A few more classes. Choreo change to accommodate Suho for a few parts. More dancing, and I’m missing something… oh! More rehearsals. Also, an actual dress rehearsal on Friday down in New Jersey, and I’m not looking forward to it.”

“How come?”

“Because… Friday is date night! I’ll miss date night with you!”

“How about Saturday?” Kai suggests.

Baekhyun ponders. “Saturday is another smallish performance but… we’ll probably be back by early evening. It’s a matinee so, definitely home by that night. Okay, let’s do Saturday!”

“Are you sure you won’t be exhausted?”

“Can I say something sugary sweet?”

Kai narrows his eyes, daring him on. “Go for it.”

“I’ll never be too tired for you, Kai.” 

They stare at each other while Baekhyun makes a smarmy, sweet face, and finally Kai looses it.

“Okay, no more late night pastries for you,” he says with as much determination as he can muster.

“Aww, but Kaiiii.”

“No. Come on, you should get back already.”

“Fine.”

They huddle together on the way home, Baekhyun shivering because he was stupid and only wore shorts, but he refuses to be hurried and Kai can’t make him walk any faster.

“You know it’s going to be like this a lot, right?” Baekhyun says when they approach his apartment.

“What?” Kai asks with a slightly sinking feeling.

“Me being busy. For most of the holidays.”

Kai pulls him close and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “I know.”

Baekhyun continues to speak as they walk. “Extra rehearsals. Random performances all over the place. A few out of town trips. Whole weekends gone. A couple whole weeks even.” The more he talks the sadder he gets. “I don’t want to keep leaving you behind…”

“You won’t,” Kai assures him. 

“But—” and for this Baekhyun stops walking completely. “Are you okay with this? With… me doing this? Dancing and going everywhere and…” 

Kai thinks he must be too scared to even look Kai in the face. Baekhyun keeps his head down and stares at the ground.

“We’ll make the most of our time together, though, Baek.” Kai tries to cheer him up.

“But, that’s only half of the problem!” Baekhyun nearly shouts. As if realizing he was over-acting, he immediately quiets down. “Isn’t it?” he asks in a near whisper. “God, I need to sleep… I’m sorry.”

Without having to think about it, Kai hugs him. “No. There’s no problem, Baek.”

“You sure?” His arms wrap securely around his waist. 

“I’m sure.”

“You better be sure,” he adds petulantly.

Kai has to laugh. “Oh, I am.”

37  THE NEXT STEP

Baekhyun's couch has certainly seen a lot of action in the few short months since he and Tao purchased it for the apartment. It's lived through pizza stains and whole bottles of overturned soda, random pens left uncapped and bleeding into the cushions, a burn mark that Tao claims was there even before he bought it used, not to mention all the rumored and not-so-rumored extracurricular late-night uses it's seen in the time since Baekhyun has been dating Kai.

None of that at all compares to the filth Kai and Baekhyun are currently observing, two males cuddling and cooing together with heads bent and arms entangled, and their names are Tao and Sehun.

“I thought you guys were going out tonight?” Baekhyun eyes them accusingly, since the sanctification of his apartment is now at stake.

“We are. Just got – awww she's so cute! – sidetracked,” Tao answers without even looking up.

Kai gulps from where he stands, unable and unwilling to stop the action that is his best friend sitting side by side with Baekhyun's roommate, hips and knees touching and a cat sprawled out evenly across their laps. Both are indeed dressed to go out, and very fancily too minus their outermost jackets. The once tiny kitten has other ideas, apparently, and that is to maintain her warm spot on the two seated males, and to drive Baekhyun absolutely crazy.

“You said you were leaving half an hour ago!”

“Why're you trying to rush us out?” Tao finally looks up and sneers, upset.

Sehun sniffs knowingly, elbows Tao, and whispers privately into his new friend's ear. Meanwhile they pet the cat who continues to grow ever comfier in their laps, purring all the while, and Baekhyun sighs. 

“I'm giving them ten minutes and then I'm kicking them out. If I have to steal the cat, I will too!” Baekhyun whispers to Kai, clearly on the defensive and Kai doesn't quite know why. Special plans! is all Baekhyun had told him during the week. Kai just didn't know what these special plans were, and honestly he was too nervous to ask his boyfriend to elaborate. Baekhyun liked being secretive, apparently. And this was the first day they'd really seen each other all week. So when he puts it that way, then yes, Kai would also like Tao and Sehun to leave. 

They're going to the opera. It's Tao's new thing. Baekhyun can't really get over the idea of it, especially now that he's persuaded Sehun to accompany him tonight. 

“Whatever,” Baekhyun says. “We'll be in my room until you guys leave. Bye. And have fun doing whatever not-gay-together things you're doing tonight, okay?”

Baekhyun doesn't wait around to see the guys rolling their eyes, although Kai does. He gives them a shy little wave, and Sehun gives him a thumbs up in reply. He doesn't know why, but he follows Baekhyun into his room and shuts the door behind him. 

Baekhyun is already sprawled out on his bed, belly down, arms and legs in an x-shape. Kai watches him for a minute and smiles, and then completely unbidden, Baekhyun laughs with his cheek pressed into his comforter and shakes his head as best as he can. “Those two. Oh well.”

He falls silent while Kai sits on the bed. The only noises Baekhyun makes are the slight sighs of gratitude when Kai runs a hand tentatively across the ridge of his spine ending in a slight massage of Baekhyun's shoulder blades and neck. 

“Can you like... never stop doing that... ever?” 

“What, this?” Kai tickles him instead of massaging him. 

“Nooo!” Baekhyun shrieks. “No, stop it! Stop!”

“I thought you said, 'Don't stop?' I'm just obeying instructions,” Kai teases.

“Horrible. You're horrible! I hate your guts. You're the worst! You're the.... Oh, okay, you're the best again.” He relaxes completely under the ministrations of Kai's heavy, pressing fingers. “See, this is why I date. Because everyone needs a personal masseuse after a dance performance and it helps if they're good looking like you.”

Kai punches him hard in the back.

“Oww! That felt good actually. You hit a good spot. Do it again!”

“No.”

“Why not?” Baekhyun whines.

“Because you're being mean to me.” He pouts even though Baekhyun can't see him, but continues to massage him anyway. All of Baekhyun's retorts fall silent as he moans lazily. 

Finally, several minutes later, they hear the front door open and close. Baekhyun lifts his head, suddenly perky, and gives a small hooray and a shout of joy. “They're gone! Yes! Wait, are they gone?”

Kai leans on his side on the bed, one elbow propping him up as he watches Baekhyun jump out of bed and pull open his bedroom door. He sighs, because he was just getting comfy, but there goes his boyfriend out of the room and Kai really wants to know about whatever special plans Baekhyun has for tonight. He had a hunch, and he thought it had something to do with Baekhyun's bed, but now he's not so sure.

“Woo woo! They are gone!” 

Kai gets to the doorway just in time to see Baekhyun drawing back the blinds from where he was peeking outside. 

“Are we doing something illegal? Because this is certainly suspicious,” Kai says.

“Illegal?” Baekhyun laughs. “Nope. Just a surprise I promised you once!” He stops and surveys the room, eyeballs the couch, and then shakes his head. “I was thinking about doing this out there, but... Taohun plus cat have been on that couch and so... perhaps not. Besides, I don't trust them to not have forgotten something and return unexpectedly. Bedroom then!”

“B-bedroom?” Kai's voice warbles. 

“Yep! Okay, give me one second. Just... wait out here?”

He bounds into his room, pauses at the door and then winks at Kai, who stands stock still in the middle of the living room, confused and nervous behind belief. He's not even sure which emotion is winning out at the moment. All he can do is stare at the now closed door and pet the cat; Velvie is completely disgruntled now that her two lap pets have gone away. Kai picks her up and together they sit on the sofa, although unfortunately the action upsets her when she realizes he's not Tao. Just like a cat. She jumps away and wanders off and leaves Kai all alone. He tries to distract himself from the sounds of things thumping in Baekhyun's bedroom, but it is rather hard. After all, what on earth is Baekhyun doing in there that Kai isn't allowed to see? Yet.

It seems longer, but barely a couple minutes later Baekhyun opens the door and beckons Kai into the partially darkened room. The atmosphere has already changed. Baekhyun has left the bathroom door open so that a night light shines through and strangely nice in the dim. On his dresser, he'd cleared away the usual cluttered junk and lit two basic, unscented candles in mismatched votive candle holders. 

“Sit. Sit,” Baekhyun tells him, pointing at the bed. He himself then turns around and bends over, fiddling with something on the floor that Kai can't quite see. He gulps and perches awkwardly on the edge of the bed, watching Baekhyun's crouched form with a mixture of dread and excitement. The night light plus the candles... it's all setting a certain kind of mood.

The flashlight Baekhyun suddenly tosses onto the bed next to him though doesn't.

“What..?” Kai starts to ask.

“You can play with that. Just don't shine it directly in my eyes, since that kind of hurts.”

Baekhyun stands up, back still facing Kai, and he holds something in his hands, still concealed. “Are you ready?” he asks, turning his head just far enough to glance at Kai. He wears a huge, mischievous grin and he smiles, almost tauntingly. 

“I'm not sure for what but... okay?”

Baekhyun winks and then looks at his feet. There's a blackish box placed down on the floor, and something connecting it to whatever is in Baekhyun's hands. He toes it, and there's the click of a button and Baekhyun swings around dramatically as music starts to play.

It's a portable karaoke machine. 

“You're going to sing to me,” Kai deadpans.

“Shush,” Baekhyun says, holding a microphone up to his lips, already prepping his face into a serious, professional expression which is completely at odds with the tone of his voice. “This is a serenade, and I don't sing for just anybody. Call yourself special, okay? I even brushed up on my Korean for this song.”

“You're singing to me, in Korean?” Kai asks just as Baekhyun starts humming with the music, eyes half shut in concentration. 

“Yeaaah...”

“I'm getting a private serenade, in Korean?” Honestly Kai thought they were going to have sex, but it would probably be rude to say that out loud.

“Geu nalgaega jeojeuni - Yes, you are. Now, quiet.” 

“Where'd you get the karaoke machine?” 

“Gipeojin haru teum sai – borrowed it from Chanyeol –  neoneun joyonghi dagawa.”

Baekhyun holds up a hand in frustration, so Kai refrains from asking anything further. He scoots backwards more on the bed and supports himself with his hands while the device plays a soft backtrack. Baekhyun's voice overpowers it slightly, and Kai has to admit it's absolutely beautiful. He sings shakily, as if he's unused to the task but the effort he's driving it home with more than makes up for his nerves. 

“Neon ssodajineun dalbiche syawo/ You're showered by the pouring moonlight – Geu hwangholhan pyojeongeun bon jeogi eobseo/ I've never seen such an entrancing expression – Geurimcheoreom meomchun nega boyeo/ I see you still like a picture – Geu siseon kkeuten/ at the end of a gaze.”

And he grows ever more confident.

“Is it nice? I can't tell anymore.” Baekhyun misses a few lines to inquire.

“It is,” Kai replies, smiling more and more as Baekhyun continues to sing.

“It's called Moonlight. See?” Baekhyun points to the bathroom night light, the faint bluish light their apparent moon. “Where's your flashlight? I need a spotlight!”

Kai laughs silently, no longer wanting to distract him. He'd already forgotten about the flashlight beside him, although he doesn't know where to point it once he's got it on. He settles for somewhere above Baekhyun's head, catching only the topmost fringes of his un-styled black hair. 

“Irwojil su eomneun seulpeun neoui story/ Your sad story that can't come true – Gakkawojilsurok deo apajil teni/ The closer I get the stronger the pain will get … Geu sarangmaneun Stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah.”

Baekhyun sways his hips in a way that has Kai actually cracking up, although he does his best to hold it in. It's sexy, except that Baekhyun purposefully overdoes it, and he's got a smile that says he knows what he's doing, even if his eyes pretend otherwise. If Kai didn't know him better, he'd say it was all a gag. Sadly though, he actually recognizes this as Baekhyun's way of seduction. 

He also knows that it kind of works...

Kai plays with the flashlight, darting it across Baekhyun's body several times before Baekhyun steps forward and does it again.

Actually it works really well. 

“Ireoke naega neol aetage bulleo/ I'm anxiously calling you like this – Dagagaji ma, baby/ Don't go closer baby – You're wings wings will get wet/ geu nalgaega jeojeuni.”

Baekhyun smiles the closer he draws in, a smirk upon his lips that has Kai dropping the flashlight. “Still nice?” he asks as he lets the bridge of the song play out by itself. 

“Yes,” Kai says, encircling his hands around Baekhyun's hips. He wets his outer lips and tries to breathe normally. “A little morbid but I can get over that.”

Baekhyun laughs, mic still in hand but no longer singing. He leans forward and kisses Kai quickly on the lips before standing upright again and fixing Kai with a piercingly emotional - and thus hilarious - gaze. 

“Jamsiman naui gyeoteseo/ Rest by my side – naeryeonoko swieogado dwae/ Rest at my side for a little while – When dawn comes you can fly towards the place where the moon gets dark/ Meondongi teumyeon jeo dari jeomuneun geu goseul ttara geuttaen naraga, yeah.”

Kai tries to drag him down again, but Baekhyun resists, cringing already from his boyfriend's impatience.

“Hang on! Here come the adlibs. I practiced this part so much! Oooohhh wooooo. Oohhh wooowhoooooow oooooo! – Kai, stop it!” He can barely do it between laughing and Kai running his hands along the sides of his body. He twists and scrambles out of the way, all the while still trying to hit his notes, most of them spot on despite Kai's interference. “Ooohoooo whooooo – Let me finish! Ohoooo woooooo! I swear I can't stop loving you!”

“You're going to drive the neighbors crazy!” Kai warns between laughing and pestering his serenader.

“Toniiiiight! - Tonight I don't care - Toniiiiiight!”

All forms of singing come to a halt the moment Kai gets his hands around the microphone, thrusting it aside in favor of grabbing Baekhyun himself, and even Baekhyun gives up the fight the moment he crashes down on top of Kai. The last few bars of the song finish as they kiss instead, almost playfully, and then Baekhyun relaxes on his chest, breathless. 

He pants, as if they'd just finished a complex make-out session, and yet all he's done was sing. 

“You're amazing,” Kai says lightly. He's no longer impatient to touch him now that he's got Baekhyun for a blanket. 

Baekhyun lifts his head a few inches and exhales shakily into his neck. “And you better know it. Wow, I'm tired. Singing is a lot of hard work. I'd almost forgotten how to.”

“I see...” says Kai. “How come you picked this song then? I thought you didn't like this kind of music anyways?” 

“I don't know.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Chanyeol sings this song a lot though. Oh man, you should hear him trying to hit those high notes.” He chuckles appreciatively; Kai can't even imagine it. “And, well... I kind of like this one song I guess. Even if it's a strain. Ack, I should sing more.”

“How come you don't sing more often?” 

“Because...” Baekhyun says. “I don't know... I do other things. And I don't really like singing in front of people. Dancing comes easier to me, if you'll believe that.”

“Oh yeah? Then what was that hip roll, huh?” Kai teases.

“Hah! You loved it.”

“You bet I did,” Kai admits. Using his forearms for leverage he pulls himself further up into the bed so that he's not quite touching the head pillow, but his legs aren't trailing on the floor either. Baekhyun lazily follows him, crawling up on his hands and knees. “So... how'd that move go again?” Kai dares to ask.

Something snaps inside of Baekhyun. Kai can tell by the way his eyes suddenly go out of focus and suddenly Kai is once again aware of how dimly lit the room is. In spite of Baekhyun's temporary distraction by song, Kai can't believe he had doubts about what the ambience was for, and he's really left in no doubt when Baekhyun tries out his hip roll... right on top of his body. 

Kai gasps, nearly chokes. Baekhyun doesn't even try to move away this time. He just holds himself there, everything pressed together and their lips just inches from each other, close enough almost to kiss. There's nothing else Kai wants more – and then Baekhyun cracks up and rolls away. 

“Haha! Oh wow, that was cheesy. Why do you let me do things like that?” Baekhyun cries, a hand on his chest as he laughs and side-eyes a very still, barely breathing Kai. 

“Uhm... I don't know. Because it's hot?” Kai admits. He can't look Baekhyun directly in the eye though. He almost wishes he hadn't dropped the flashlight on the floor, otherwise then he might still have something to play with. 

Baekhyun continues to laugh, although the volume and intensity drops considerably. “Well, that was my contribution to tonight. I did promise I'd sing to you sometime.”

“You did.” Kai remembers. He also remembers that there's something else they haven't done yet either.

“I need water,” Baekhyun says suddenly, sitting up. “My throat is parched now. Wow, I need to practice those high notes a little more before next time.”

“Next time,” Kai repeats hushedly as Baekhyun gets up and crawls across him to reach the floor. He scrambles out of the room and Kai doesn't move. Instead he shuts his eyes hard and grasps along the surface the comforter with both hands, almost like a snow angel, as he tries to ground himself. Somewhere above his head his hand touches fur and he realizes belatedly that Velvie has snuck in and now lays sleeping in the corner of the bed. He lets it stay and swings his arm down again just as Baekhyun reenters the room.

“You look wrecked,” he says after swallowing the last gulp of water. “Was my singing that awesome?”

Kai snorts. 

“I'll take that as a yes?” Baekhyun answers for himself. Before Kai has a chance to respond, Baekhyun is climbing onto the bed again and with one fluid motion he rips off his shirt. 

Kai wasn't ready for it. Wasn't ready for the surge of emotions that come from seeing Baekhyun hovering above him shirtless, his hair a little messy, and his lips still wet from drinking water. 

“Hey,” Baekhyun says softly, looking down on him. 

Kai also can't remember how to use his limbs. Not even when Baekhyun reaches for his hands and fits them around his waist again. He barely grasps the skin and Baekhyun leans forward to mold their lips into one.

They're cool when they touch, a shocking phenomenon that Kai is eager to change. It shocks him into moving again, into holding Baekhyun tighter and pulling him forward, down, lips never disconnecting. Baekhyun's eager hands find the bottom of his shirt and pull up, gently asking. Kai arches his back and within seconds he's also divested of his shirt. Bare chests meet as Baekhyun leans down again and this time he rolls them over. 

Baekhyun wastes no time before pressing his hips upwards and holding Kai down. It's moving so fast that Kai can barely breathe. He pulls up abruptly, a hand to Baekhyun's bare chest and looks at him beneath hooded eyes. 

“Are we...?” His question goes unfinished.

“Doing this?” Baekhyun helps.

“Yeah.”

“Are we?”

“Can we?” Kai tries not to act so excited. “I mean, do you want to? I don't want to... if you don't...”

Baekhyun laughs, almost scoffing, and without moving the rest of his body he lifts his head to Kai's ear. “Do you think I really lit candles just for the benefit of my song performance?” He drops one barely-there kiss to the edge of his ear, and it has just enough wetness from Baekhyun's tongue that Kai collapses almost immediately. 

“Pants off,” Baekhyun pushes him up. “If you think I'm messing with zippers, you're wrong.” He inhales shakily. “I can barely get my own off in this state.” 

“Trust you to be romantic like this.” Kai doesn't wait though for any further instructions. They both sit up Baekhyun scoots hurriedly out from under him, each rushing and fumbling with their own jeans. Kai wins the race, and is rewarded with the image of Baekhyun still struggling with one too tight pant leg that just so happens to require assistance. Kai helps him strip it off and toss it over the bed. They're both sitting in their boxers and about to reach for the next level when Baekhyun puts his hand back and shrieks.

“What is–! Oh my God, it's the cat. What is the cat doing on our bed!? Uhhhhhhhh..... When did it get here? Moooove.” Baekhyun nudges it, but Velvie refuses to go. 

“She's been here this whole time,” Kai says, confused.

“What? This whole time! You mean she's been watching? On my bed?! Moooove,” Baekhyun tries to dislodge the black and white animal again, but once again Velvie just sits there and stares.

“What's... the problem?” Kai can't figure it out. 

“The problem is that I'm not about to do this with her watching!” Baekhyun says.

“Uhhhh....”

“It's creepy! Don't you find it creepy?” 

What Kai actually finds creepy is that they're sitting on Baekhyun's bed mostly naked about to have sex for the first time and all Baekhyun can think about is a cat.

“Not... really?”

“B-but,” Baekhyun sputters. “It's like Tao's cat. It's like Tao's spy, and it's sitting on our bed just casually watching and it won't moooove. Plus, it was sitting on their lap earlier. And that's double creepy.” 

Kai sighs. “So, what if I move her, will that make it better?”

“Yes, but she won't move.” 

Kai never realized boyfriends could be this cute. In ten seconds flat he's crawled across the bed, picked up Velvie, and gently tossed the indignant cat out of the bedroom before closing the door. “Happy now?” he asks, stalking back over to the bed. 

Baekhyun looks stunned. “Wow. Yes. And... wow, that was hot.”

“I picked up a cat, and you call that hot?”

“Well... duh.” Baekhyun inclines his head, and as if remembering finally what they were doing just a minute ago, he smirks and grins, one arm coming out to claim the skin along Kai's neck as he crawls back into bed. “Uhm... anyways... what were we doing?”

Kai pushes him down and kisses him. “I think you know.”

“I do?” Baekhyun teases, squirming out of his hold for just a second. He tenses when Kai teases a hand down to the waist band of his boxers, and his voice drops just a little. “Well then, guess I better walk you through this. First we can start with these–” Baekhyun pulls at the elastic around Kai's waist – “and then we can get to what's in that drawer over there, huh? Actually, before any of that...”  he pauses.

“What?” Kai asks solemnly.

“Can we just... kiss for a bit?”

Kai smirks. “Absolutely.”

Baekhyun spends much of the next morning trying to tell Kai how much he glows, but Kai doesn't quite buy it. He does beam and blush a little, but in the light of day Kai pretends that nothing happened. It amuses Baekhyun immensely, especially when he tries to taunt him with seductive words in the middle of breakfast, which just so happens to be out in a public cafe. 

“So what did you think about in the exact moment you–?”

“Can we not talk about it here?” Kai whispers, scandalized. He checks their surroundings, as if worried that little children might have heard or even understand Baekhyun's taunt. It's too adorable, really, Baekhyun thinks.

They sit side-by-side at a little table with a pastry between them. Kai's master plan – which he neglected to tell Baekhyun until he suddenly insisted they leave – was to go out for breakfast. Nothing fancy, but Kai claimed he was craving something special from a place he used to eat at a lot when he was a kid. Even if it was just a special pastry, Baekhyun didn't mind. Most Sunday mornings he usually lazed around anyways, and Kai was usually busy or gone elsewhere, or to study and catch up on school work. It's already a treat to wake up next to his boyfriend and actually have the whole day to spend together. Especially now that they are in a new place in their relationship.

For a man who experienced something new last night, however, Kai is looking vaguely off, almost worried. 

“So this is your old neighborhood?” Baekhyun asks, continuing a discussion they'd been having earlier on their way north.

“Yeah. Most of my childhood, and shortly before I went to Texas my mom sold our flat and bought the other place where she lives now. That's why that place doesn't seem much like home. I didn't live there long.”

“I see... so this area is your haunt then, huh?”

“Yep. And...” Kai hesitates. “If you don't mind, I'd like to take you someplace. We don't have to stay for very long if you don't want, but... would you come for a little while at least?”

Baekhyun doesn't know how to respond. A firm “yes” sounds fine, because really – what place would be strange when he's with Kai? He nods his head affirmatively and Kai smiles. 

“Cool. Well then...” He checks his watch. “We should go soon.”

Their walk takes them through a park, where an early morning baseball practice is occurring. Kai takes his hand as they stroll, leading him past the field and through a playground and up a small hill, beyond which Baekhyun can't much. 

“Did you play here a lot?” he asks.

“Mmmm,” Kai replies, squeezing his hand. 

They come around a small bend, and pass a few more streets and suddenly Baekhyun recognizes this place. They have been here before after all. 

“We're back at that cathedral,” he says, shocked and looking around. Somewhere around here is the statue where Kai basically confessed and Baekhyun freaked out and kissed him. Fond, if somewhat embarrassing memories. “The statue where...” 

“Yep,” Kai says. “Today though we're... going in?” He asks a bit tentatively. 

Now that Baekhyun thinks about it, there are bells playing from somewhere high up above. “Going in... as in, going into a church... during a service?” Now he sees why Kai was checking his watch. It's just about 11:00 am.

“Y-yes...” Kai falters. 

“Do... you come here often?” Baekhyun asks.

Slowly, Kai nods. “Just about every week... I guess, you haven't noticed that I'm usually never around on Sundays.” He looks almost dejected, but now it dawns on Baekhyun that this is indeed true. 

“I've been coming around here by myself a lot. Even before I moved away. Not much has changed though. When I came back to the city, it was kind of hard to adjust to things. Since I wasn't really a dancer anymore, and even my mom seemed like she had changed. Not that she did really. It was me that had. But, I remembered this place where I used to come as a kid and... and, it's nice. I just wanted you to come sometime... with me. No pressure. Look, you can just sing. You can sing right? Hymns. They're kind of old, but pretty, and I mean... I know you can sing. We... verified that last night.” Kai gulps. “So... we can sit in the back, alright? Do you mind?” 

“I... guess I don't mind,” Baekhyun says. The puppy eyes on Kai are more than compelling. Plus, the cathedral is so large from just the outside and he can't help wondering how big it is from the inside too.

Kai quickly ushers them around to the front of the building, taking his hand as they walk in. It's a long, extremely long way down to the nave of the church. Baekhyun is so struck by the pillars and columns and windows that he almost forgets how they're walking alongside each other – holding hands even – until halfway down. He suddenly pulls his hand out, worried.

“Kai...” he whispers quickly and then winces. Even that sound carried further than he would like. “Kai, what about... us... I mean... we're... guys...? In a ch-church?” 

Kai turns to him, almost just as confused before he realizes what Baekhyun is asking. Then he smiles, confidence manifesting itself in him again since the first time they woke up this morning. He takes Baekhyun's hand again and with a smirk Baekhyun could have killed him for, whispers loudly. “Oh, forgot to mention it... Baekhyun, this church actually marries gay people. So uhm... you know.” And then he winks. 

38  NOT THIS KIND OF SPOTLIGHT

TWO MONTHS FORWARD

It's almost the middle of winter; Christmas is lingering just within sight, although there's another week and a half to go, and the closer that daunting date gets the more pitiful Baekhyun feels. The holiday seasons are their busiest, sadly. Starting the week of Christmas and running all through January and February the company goes into full performance mode, and most of those dates they'll be out of town, out of state, and for a small stint they'll be gone halfway across the country. That's days and weekends, and at least one full week when Baekhyun will be on the road sharing a bed with Tao, and they'll be sharing a room with Minseok and Luhan. Neither Baekhyun nor Tao are looking forward to it exactly, and Baekhyun's willing to bet the other two aren't either. It'll be one hell of an awkward trip, and the season starts in two days. They take off on the first round on Sunday.

Baekhyun slumps to the side of the dance room chugging water like he's dying for it, just like everyone else he's been dancing with all day. It's now suddenly so vital that rehearsals go without a fault that every instructor, choreographer, assistant instructor and even Mrs. Kim herself has been attending, or at least wandering around full-time. 

Luhan looks a little like he's dying too. He doesn't even bother with sitting against the mirror but straight out flops onto the floor like a snow angel, which is probably how Minseok sees him - a melting snow angel at least. The elder of the two fans the weaker with his hand, Luhan whines that it's not enough circulation, and Minseok pulls out a random flyer from his bag to fan harder.

Tao observes them with a sly, disgusted smirk.

“Who's watching your cat when we leave?” Baekhyun asks them a minute later. About a month ago Luhan moved in and the two promptly rescued a cat to complete their impromptu little family.

“Suho,” Luhan wheezes between breaths.

“Oh,” Baekhyun comments softly, and then looks around. Suho, after trying to rehabilitate had been trying to work himself into a few of his older routines, but the strength and stamina he'd lost were his downfall. Essentially kicked out of all holiday routines, he remains still on the sidelines, watching the dancers rehearse with a serious stink face. All progress Baekhyun had made with him on a personal level too was almost destroyed by the return of a perpetually grumpy Suho, destined to remain on hiatus until the company returns and he can try again.

“You did actually confirm with him, right?” Minseok suddenly asks Luhan.

“Yes, of course. Why? Are you doubting me?”

Minseok mumbles something unintelligible, lips pursed and eyes suspiciously rolling just a hair's breadth. 

Luhan blinks a few times, and then instantly fumes. “Minseok, babe! Look, just because I forgot to pay the water bill that one time doesn't mean I'm always going to forget everything else!” 

“I was just asking,” Minseok retreats airily, innocently. He goes on with his fanning, probably because Luhan needs it even more now.

“It was one time! And I'd only been there a week. I've never been in charge of bills before!”

Baekhyun can't decide if Luhan's just whining now to be petulant or whining because he knows Minseok thinks his pout face is cute. Knowing Luhan though it's a little of both. Baekhyun and Tao both happen to make eye contact through the mirror and smirk at each other. The display between these two has been nearly unbearable in the months they've been together. It's kind of like Baekhyun and Kai, but they don't technically work together and so not everybody has to witness their insufferable togetherness all the time. 

“Travelling's going to be such a nightmare,” Tao commiserates in advance.

“Tell me about it,” Baekhyun replies.

As they stand up, their break now over with, Minseok asks Tao, “What about your cat then?”

Tao looks over at Baekhyun and Baekhyun shrugs and says, “Kai's gonna check on her at least every day.”

He texts his boyfriend later that night when they're nearing home.

Baekhyun: Hey want to come over tonight? Just got off and I'm dead but I would probably find some hidden energy for you ^_~`

There's no immediate reply, although Tao's phone receives a message shortly thereafter. He reads it, snorts, and then shoves it down into his pocket as he and Baekhyun walk. 

“Sehun's on his way over if that's alright,” he says.

“Ahh, sure. Kai probably will come too so... that... yeah, that's cool.” It's a strange universe when the four of them can all manage to hang out and everybody acts like this is cool, but something about the dynamic is off. Sehun and Tao continue to be just-friends, even though Baekhyun is rooting for them. Kai refuses to make a play to aid them in either direction although he does find it amusing. 

Baekhyun is saved the trouble of doing another night though.

Kai: Can't. Dress rehearsal tonight and I probably won't be done until super later. Sorry.

“Oh, right. Damn.” Now Baekhyun remembers. Kai has only mentioned it like about ten times in the past two weeks and here Baekhyun goes forgetting again. He must be getting too old if he can't manage to dance all day every day and still remember to keep tabs on what his boyfriend is doing. 

“What's that?” Tao asks him.

“Oh, nothing. Kai's not coming though and I forgot. Hey what are we going to eat? Want me pick up something and meet you back there?”

“I'll never say no to someone else arranging dinner.” Tao laughs. “Hey, I guess you're going to his thing tomorrow night then?” he asks.

“Yes.” Baekhyun may forget a lot of things - like tonight - but he doesn't forget everything all the time. Baekhyun shivers uncomfortably when he realizes he's starting to think like Luhan. “Wanna come?”

“Yeah, I do. Just asking if I could tag along with you.”

“That's fine. Okay, meet you at home. I'm detouring here to get Thai food. Last chance to pick someplace else! Going going gone. Thai food it is!” Baekhyun yells.

Tao only half-heartedly tries to contradict him. “Aww, and I wanted--”

“Nope. The majority has already spoken. See you in a few!” Baekhyun smiles proudly and disappears around the corner. 

Twenty minutes later Baekhyun returns to his apartment swinging two bags of take-out to find a strange scene happening right outside his door: a tall, looming and somewhat scared looking man with blond hair paused with his hand up ready to knock, but he can't quite find the courage to actually knock.

“Kris?” Baekhyun says with some suspicion.

The blond drops his hand and cranes his head, frightened. A sound comes out of his mouth, but it's not intelligible.

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun asks. He steps forward, inevitably making Kris take a few steps back so that Baekhyun can open the door himself. 

Kris gulps loudly. “T-Tao,” he whispers. “I came to see... ehh... or... apologize... to Tao...” 

Baekhyun smirks. Kris doesn't look at all confident, and he grows even less so at Baekhyun's face, but he steels himself as the door opens. Baekhyun doesn't know what Kris expects to do, but to his own personal glee he hears two voices coming from inside which means Sehun is already over. “Good luck,” he tells the outsider. “Guess you can come in and say it yourself.” 

The invitation is without a drop of kindness, but Tao sees him already and Kris can't back down now. 

The room goes silent as he enters, although Baekhyun goes on like nothing is happening. He sets the food on the counter and tries not to look interested in how Tao is taking this whole thing. Sehun stands off to the side, his mouth hanging open a little like he wants to ask, but doesn't know how to.

“Kris? What are you doing here?” Tao asks. He's more curious than anything else, Baekhyun notes.

“Uhmm.”  With Baekhyun plus an extra guest, Kris looks doubly uncomfortable. “I came.... apology...” he mumbles.

“What's that?” Tao makes him repeat himself.

“Came to apologize...” says Kris with just slightly more meaningful purpose. 

Tao inclines his head. “Wow, okay. But it’s been a while.”

“I know…” Kris looks miserable. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for being late, or sorry in general?”

In a small, hesitant voice Kris says, “Both?”

Tao blinks once, twice. Then, “Okay.”

Kris blinks too. “Okay, what?”

“You came to apologize. Okay, I accept that. Anything else? I'm about to eat.” He nudges his head in the direction of the food bags where Baekhyun stands and Sehun looks on awkwardly. Tao goes on. ”You're not about to say something else stupid though, are you? Like you apologize and want another chance, right?”

Another strange noise emanates from Kris' mouth. 

“Right? Because, that answer isn't okay. It's a no.”

Baekhyun does a mental fist pump, and he imagines he also sees Sehun doing it too. At least Sehun looks pleased that Tao isn't backing down. 

“I... wasn't... wasn't...” Kris almost answers, and then catches himself so he's not caught saying a lie. “Anyways, I just wanted to say that. And I'm sorry. I'll go now. Uhm, Merry Christmas?”

“Bye,” says Tao with finality, a little cheerfully. “Merry Christmas.” He smiles.

Kris doesn't speak again. He heads for the door and disappears behind it, and as it shuts Baekhyun whistles long and low and then starts pulling apart bags noisily as he reveals all the food. Tao strides over to them and catches Sehun staring.

“What?” he asks.

Sehun shrugs. “Nothing. That was... that was interesting, is all. That the ex?”

“Not even,” says Tao.

“Oh good. Well, because I wasn't sure what to do. I mean like, you looked pretty capable of handling it, but I wasn't sure if I should step in and pretend to be the new boyfriend or something, and so I just… didn’t.” Sehun grabs a box of food, utensils to eat it with and sits down at the table. 

Tao joins him and nonchalantly sniffs at his meal. “I wouldn't have minded if you did.”

Behind them, Baekhyun gleefully rejoices and reaches for his phone.

Baekhyun: It is so going to happen one day I swear to God. Tao and Sehun I promise you it's gonna happen.

Kai: If you say so

Baekhyun: Oh I do say so.

Baekhyun: Btw why are you there when Sehun is here?

Kai: His rehearsals were yesterday. They split them up into two nights. It's everybody tomorrow though. You're going to be there right? 

Baekhyun: of course. I'm treating you to dinner afterwards too remember. Better look forward to a hot meal. ;)

Kai: As long as it's Italian. I haven't had Italian in years.

Baekhyun: Sounds good

Baekhyun: Wait but I'm not Italian... 

Kai: Too bad for you ;)

The backstage area is cold, colder than Kai remembers. Maybe because the air is on full blast for the benefit of the dancers, but Kai is standing around being relatively still. A flock of students rush past him in haste, a whole string of little girls in purple, flowery tutus, several harassed looking stage moms and a teacher issuing commands in a whisper that nevertheless carries weight over the entire group. Across the stage on the opposite side Kai thinks he can see Sehun standing bored with his own class and, unfortunately, several others that aren't even his to begin with. He's drawn the card for crowd control until the finale is over, and Kai can't think of a worse person for the job than Sehun. The mob of dancers all under the age of ten swirling around him and chatting aimlessly proves it. Kai can hear them even from where he stands. 

“Curtain up in five... four... three...” says a man in the corner wearing a head-set. 

Kai looks up as a stream of light pours in from the door to the back hallway and dressing rooms, and he breathes a sigh of relief as he sees his class making their way backstage under the careful tutelage of another couple moms. The one nearest to him gives him a sigh and a shrug, and she mouths something that looks like 'wardrobe malfunction sorry we're late'. Fourteen little girls in cat costumes file in line next to him, their pink dresses acting as a buffer between them, and more than one girl carries her tail in her hands, flicking her neighbor. One brave little boy with a black tail stands more silent than the rest. Normally a ham but a very charismatic kid, Kai might almost say he's cowed by the performing atmosphere. Except the way he takes in every detail of his surroundings in rapt attention reminds Kai of something not unlike his own sense of awe when he was that age. 

The finale music kicks on just as the curtain opens, and the first swarm of dancers pours onto the stage. Kai gathers his class close. He's only had them for two months but even he's impressed how well they adjusted to getting a new teacher halfway into the year. 

“Alright, guys,” he says. Almost fifteen heads turn to look at him, although a few are still off in la-la land, and a few more are rubbing at their make-up with their hands. It's really too much to expect ten-year olds to look completely flawless after a three-hour long performance with so much downtime in between.

Kai inhales steadily and tries to look friendly. “Alright! You've already performed your dance, and the hard work is done. Last number now, and all you have to do is go out there and smile and wave and remember the ending part and then you can be done, okay? Now smile big - and yes, Choa, yes Way, when this is all over you can go back and take off your make-up, I'm sure of it. Promise. Okay? Now, go get 'em! Break a leg!”

One of his girls near the end of the line pauses on her way by and tugs on his hand. “Mr. Kim? We don't really have to break a leg, do we?”

“No no,” Kai laughs. “You don't actually have to do that. In fact, I wouldn't advise it. So... don't... break a leg. Okay?” It's too hard to get his tongue around the phrase, but he does it anyway.  

The boy, Dongwoo, who is last in line, smirks when he walks by. “Girls,” he complains. “They just don't get it.” 

Kai resists the urge to pat him on the head for good behavior; he settles for smiling blandly instead. That kid will go far, he hopes.

The rest of the finale is out of Kai's hands from then on. Line after line of dancers from teenagers to toddlers pour across the stage in succession, each backing up when a new group comes out until there are literally a hundred of them under the bright lights and the music finally ends. The audience claps and everyone bows again and again, and finally it is over and most everyone sits down on the stage. 

It's awards time.  The lights equalize over stage and audience, and the music dims. Kai's mother's friend Boa who manages this particular studio steps out on stage with a mike. Kai hears her start to speak without actually hearing her words. Too many recitals and performances he's had in theaters like this, and never before has it ended with him still in the wings. He wishes Baekhyun was backstage with him instead of sitting in the audience like a dutiful partner watching not Kai perform, but just his students. 

Sehun startles him, all of a sudden appearing at his side. “Heyyy, what's up?”

“Nothing,” says Kai, a little winded.

“Nothing? Hey, you okay?” Sehun squints at him worried.

“Yeah, fine. Just tired.”

“Tired tired, or tired from being on your feet all day?”

Kai sighs. “A little of both probably.”

A nearby mom hushes them for talking too loudly. Kai and Sehun both back up a few feet further into the wings to continue talking.

“I'd suggest we high-tail it out of here like good rebels,” Sehun whispers and Kai laughs.

“Sneak out the side and up to the catwalk?” Kai reminisces.

“Watch the show from the rafters and hope nobody actually bothers to look up.” Sehun sighs fondly at the memories. “Man there was that one time I was positive your mom looked up and saw us—”

“— She did.”

“— but she didn't notice – wait, what? She did see us?” Sehun looks flabbergasted to learn his childhood memories are wrong.

“Of course she did!” Kai clarifies. “How could she notice us? We weren't actually discreet up there.”

“We were thirty feet higher than the stage!”

“And giggling. Loudly. I got such an earful for that. Promised never to do it again, blah blah blah, and then got yelled at the very next time. You were lucky you weren't her son because she never dared to actually scold you herself. I don't know why, but mom always thought I was the ringleader of the two. She never realized what a rotten kid you were; otherwise maybe she wouldn't still be employing you.”

Sehun looks scandalized now. “Ringleader? Troublemaker? Me? No way. It was all you,” he says, though neither believes him. “Shame we can't do it now, for old times' sake.”

“What, sneak up on the catwalk?” Kai asks.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, shame,” Kai agrees. He reaches with his arms above his head and bends over to give his poor beleaguered legs a stretch and then yawns loudly as he rights himself.

“Responsibility sucks,” says Sehun. “Why do they make us go out there and pass out the attendance awards?”

“I don't know? Maybe so you aren't forcing the three-year olds to walk up to a stranger and put out their hands for a flimsy piece of paper that says 'Congratulations! Your mommy and daddy brought you to every class this year!'“ 

Another of the stage moms cranes her head around to give them a stare down. Both flinch and shut up. 

“We really are bad at this,” Sehun whispers a minute later.

“Bad at what?”

“Being adults. What else?”

Kai snorts and continues to whisper. “Speak for yourself. I'm doing just fine.”

“Yeah, right. Oh well. At least we have the holidays off. That's a couple weeks of no school and no dance classes, and I can go back to being a bum for a short while until next semester starts, and then we do this whole thing all over again, day in day out.” He sighs wistfully, and then panics because he's lost track of time and the first line of little ones are standing up to receive their certificates from their teachers.

“Just one more semester for me,” Kai clarifies.

“Huh? Oh, that's right. Are you sure then?”

“Pretty sure. Just gonna finish this semester and then I'm handing my class over to Ms. Jung again,” Kai says quietly.

Sehun sighs glumly. “Oh well. If it's too much, it's too much. Hey maybe that means you can stop popping those muscle relaxers like candy,” he says with a little attempt at humor. 

“What? I don't— it's not that often,” Kai protests.

Sehun laughs, quietly because they're starting to draw attention again, and in any case it's almost time to step forward and go on stage with their kids. 

“Hey, you've told Baekhyun already, right?”

“Yeah, couple days ago. Why?”

“Just curious what he said,” says Sehun.

Kai doesn't remember Baekhyun's words so much as he remembers what they did after that not-entirely-sad conversation. Recently they'd been doing a lot of things that didn't require words. Or lights. Or clothes, for that matter. 

“He understands. He says he's happy I tried,” Kai summarizes it briefly.

Sehun hums, but there's no more time for chatting. 

Kai has to step up first. He takes the stack of certificates and awards from the assigned pile and waits patiently for the teacher before him to finish. He walks slightly on stage. It's disconcerting that he can see faces in the audience when typically they're just a sea of gray, washed-out features. He looks for Baekhyun instinctively, although it's definitely no easy task. Lights there may be, but it's still a packed auditorium of dancers’ family members, parents, and a whole lot of fidgety siblings. 

He can't find Baekhyun, or Tao, although he knows based on earlier texts that his boyfriend is out there somewhere. 

Baekhyun: Omg kitty cats how can you handle teaching that much cuteness every week?!

Baekhyun: Sehun's class can't even compare. Not as cute definitely not

Baekhyun: Stick your leg out the wings and I'll consider that your solo ok?

Baekhyun: Still waiting for sexy legs

Baekhyun: You suck

Baekhyun: Love you <33333  

The teacher ahead of him finishes with her class and it's Kai's turn now. He walks up to the podium, nervous suddenly when he realizes how bright are the lights that shine down on him in this particular spot. They're way brighter than when he stood on the edge of the stage, and a million times whiter than from where he's been standing all evening, in the shadows. 

Suddenly, he does see Baekhyun, barely. His boyfriend is waving and smiling from somewhere a quarter of the way back, Tao sitting beside him. He realizes with a jolt that this is the first time Baekhyun has seen him on stage since they were younger, not since the days they competed against one another, knowing each other's names but not really knowing each other. Baekhyun's never seen him dance, really dance, in all the time they've been together. 

And he won't. Not ever, probably. Not anymore.

That thought gets stuck like a sore spot on the back of his throat, something he can't swallow and he can't dislodge. Were the stage lights always this bright? It seems unreasonable that Kai can't remember anymore. It's been too long. He shuffles his way to the podium and sets down the stack of certificates, smiling vaguely at the audience before turning around partially to locate his students. He clears his throat, but he fears he may come out sounding hoarse. 

How much time has gone by, he can't tell. All he knows is that he can't keep standing here, but he also wants to be able to use his voice and he's not entirely sure he's still got it.

So many of the dancers fidget about on the stage, particularly the little ones. They're tired and hungry and most definitely distracted by the hoards of people now looking back at them. Some of them have started waving. Others actually try to shout cute greetings to their parents in tiny, high-pitched voices. A few adults attempt to shush them, but it only works a little.

The lights flicker, or perhaps it's his imagination. He clears his throat once more. “Good evening,” he says, bending forward a little to speak into the mike. His voice isn't as shaky as he thought it might be. 

Before he can speak more, however, the lights definitely flicker again. The stage crew has decided it's wiser to dim the audience just a tiny bit, not completely, but Kai can no longer see Baekhyun when he looks again. And he needs to see him; needs that support. He needs to know there's somebody out there with eyes only for him. Just not looking at him, observing him, but knowing him. 

Kai grits his teeth. It's unfair that he can't see him anymore. By comparison, there's a very large stage light focused on him now, blocking out his view of everyone else. He doesn’t need this kind of spotlight. Doesn’t want it. He doesn't need all eyes on him. He just wants two. 

This isn’t exactly how he planned his life, but there are still plenty of things he can do, wants to do even if this wasn’t the particular goal. Well, he did kind of plan on getting Baekhyun. Everybody has a fantasy they carry that they don’t entirely expect to come true. Who knew it would be possible to get Baekhyun like he did? Deep down he never imagined life turning out like this. This is enough.

“Good evening,” he says again, turning his brain around and finally focusing on the task at hand. “I want to thank all the dancers for their performance tonight, and their parents for making this happen. Especially for those in my classes who got me in the middle of the semester. They've done so well, and I thank you for the opportunity of getting to teach them. First up are our perfect attendance awards...”

The restaurant Baekhyun drags them to is a fairly big, sprawling spot with tables and booths all over the place. He tried only reserving a table for two, but several days before their mutual friends shot down Kai and Baekhyun’s plan.

It'll be one of the last nights of the year that everyone can hang out before those in the company start their grueling travel schedule. Baekhyun, Tao, Minseok, Luhan, and Yixing are all soon to disappear, and the others will remain. Kai and Sehun are pretty resigned to the event, although Suho hasn't gotten over his failed recovery. He taunts Yixing through their entire wait time with threats of stealing back his role come next spring, and judging by his look of formidable intensity, Baekhyun is fairly certain he'll do that, or die trying.

“Hey, where's Kyungsoo?” Kai asks when most everyone slides in and around the large circular booth. 

Luhan grabs a stack of menus and starts shoving them around, grumpy because Minseok wouldn't agree to sit in his lap. 

“He ditched us,” Sehun answers after a moment. “He's on a date. Can you believe it? A date. With a girl. And here I always halfway suspected he was gay.” 

“Kyungsoo was gay?” Baekhyun says, astounded. “Who for? You?” he jokes to Sehun.

Sehun scoffs. “Me? No way. Actually I always thought-” his voice trails off. “Oh well, never mind.” 

“I'm hungry!” Luhan interrupts randomly.

Minseok tries to shush him. Suho scowls at the outburst, but Tao only quietly agrees with him. “Family platter? Share? Anyone?”

“I will,” says Sehun, raising a hand.

“Oh good, well since there are eight of us, we can get four large meals and split them, couple-style!” Baekhyun declares happily. He winds an arm firmly around Kai's lower back and rubs circles through his shirt with the tips of his fingers. 

“Who said anything about couple-style?” Suho complains while avoiding direct eye contact with Yixing. Nobody even deigns to notice his statement. Suho might still think he and Yixing were keeping up the farce of not dating, but nobody else did.

“Don’t you think that’s going to be too much food?” Minseok suggests.

“Nope! I’m ravenous!” Luhan cries. He spreads the menu open before him and Minseok and scoots closer so they can both see it, shoulders touching and cheeks nearly flat against the other's.

Baekhyun laughs. “Yeah? But for what?” He winks at the two of them and Minseok glares back just a tiny bit.

“Do they have pizza? Isn’t pizza Italian?” Yixing asks. Everyone leaves that explanation for Suho, although Yixing rejoices when he does find it on the menu. Suho is then left with persuading him to get something else.

It takes too long for the food to come out, but in the meantime Baekhyun is entirely cozy. He messes with Kai’s hair without hindrance until half of it is sticking up on one side, and Kai can’t shake it out enough to make it settle back down. Once through that though, Baekhyun goes to work on the sleeve of his sweater shirt. He sneaks a hand all the way inside along the inner part Kai’s arm.

Kai hisses at his cold fingers. “What are you doing?” He squirms.

“Warming my hands!” Baekhyun cries innocently. “I’m cold.”

“You have your own sleeves.”

“But like I said, I’m cold. And you’re hot.”

“Not even going to react to that statement.” Kai shakes his head.

“You know what?” Baekhyun whispers to him a few minutes later.

“Hm?”

“You looked really good today. In a suit on that stage. Please tell me it won’t be the last time you dress up like that because I really could barely contain myself. Ask Tao if you don’t believe me.” Baekhyun snickers.

“Oh, I believe you alright.” Kai laughs.

“Reminded me of the old days when I got to stare at you like that, and you never even knew I was looking.” Baekhyun knows his voice is sultry and low. Knows that it drives Kai crazy, especially in a public setting where he can’t do anything about it. “Shame it wasn’t as skintight as the things you used to wear though. Ohhh well. Guess I don’t need to use my imagination too hard these days.”

His hand that’s not twisted across and into Kai’s sleeve slides stealthily along the lower part of Kai’s back and sinks just barely below his belt. Baekhyun smiles normally while keeping a watch on Kai’s expression, steely like he’s trying not to squirm or say anything in front of their friends. He’s gotten too good at this, Baekhyun thinks, pretending like Baekhyun’s not really a lovesick pervert who likes to mess with his boyfriend in public spaces. Baekhyun has probably given him too much practice.

He untucks Kai’s shirt just a bit to warm his hand on direct skin, and finally Kai does gasp as his touch.

“Why are your hands always so cold?” he complains loudly.

Sehun finally takes notice. “Hey, Baekhyun. Quit bothering him! It’s disturbing for the rest of us, okay?” He narrows his eyes at Baekhyun, although he doesn’t spare Kai a scathing glance either for allowing it all.

“If you want to complain about something, how about you interrupt those two love birds over there then?” Baekhyun retaliates with a finger in Minseok and Luhan’s direction. Luhan halts guiltily with a piece of bread dripping with olive oil just inches from Minseok’s open mouth.

Suho grimaces. “Geez Minseok, can’t you even feed yourself? I—“

Yixing shuts him up by popping a piece of bread into his own mouth and Sehun and Tao fall completely into giggles at Suho’s look of mortification, mouth full like a chipmunk and not of his own doing. Luhan joins in then and continues dipping bread.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun uses the distraction he’d earned.

“Psst,” he whispers directly in Kai’s ear.

“Hmm?”

“Have I mentioned I love you today?”

“Mmm. You haven’t really. Not enough times,” Kai answers and pouts. “Not enough to make up for all time you’ll be gone.”

“Oh, well I guess I should do something about that then. I love you.” He presses a small kiss to the side of Kai’s mouth, checks that their friends are still occupied with Suho-baiting, and then twists to kiss Kai again, this time full on the lips.

Kai doesn’t have to do much in return. 

He leans forward just as Baekhyun sits back, huge smile in place and eyes glistening.

“I’ll miss you,” Kai says.

Baekhyun tuts. “No you won’t. In fact you’re probably be ready for a short break from all this togetherness.”

Kai starts to protest, but Baekhyun stops him.

“And you better use your vacation from me to your fullest, because when I get back, I’m not letting you out of my sight for days.”

“Days?” Kai asks softly, slyly, because he doesn’t want to draw their friends’ attention and possibly interrupt their fun.

“Weeks,” Baekhyun amends with a sneer.

“Weeks? How about months?”

“Months? I could do months,” Baekhyun agrees, licking his lips. “How about years though?”

“I could definitely do years.”

“Decades? Think you could live with me for decades?”

“How about we start with the next set of holidays and work our way to decades,” Kai says with an enticing eye smile.

“I guess I can agree to that,” says Baekhyun.

They seal the deal with another kiss, and when the gagging noises of their friends’ reach their ears, Kai and Baekhyun can’t even be bothered to respond with more than a haughty sniff. They’re beyond such teasing now.

39  FINALLY, THE DUET

SIX MONTHS FORWARD

“Miserable. I’m absolutely miserable. How can you even stand this place?!”

“Are you… going to put a shirt back on?” Kai asks.

Baekhyun is standing in the middle of a park, sweat seeping out of every pore in his body even though all they’ve done is walk around in the mid-summer Texas sun for ten minutes. Baekhyun already wants to go back to their nice, air-conditioned car. He doesn’t know how Kai managed to live here for a whole day. The fact that he lived here for several years makes even less sense.

“Uhh, actually yeah. Shirt is good. Shirt catches the sweat. Man I didn’t pack enough clothes for this trip. I am never letting you talk me into something like this again.” Baekhyun is full of complaints. He has been ever since they arrived here.

“You do know that millions of people find this weather pretty bearable?” Kai remarks.

“Have we really resorted to talking about the weather?”

Kai raises his eyebrows. “You started it.”

Baekhyun sticks out his tongue, dons his soaked t-shirt once more and then mimics with his hand wherever it is Kai wants them to go. Surely there are movie theaters or restaurants, or other indoor areas they can spend time in, but Kai just has to drag them all over the place, outdoors. Baekhyun will even take a museum right now if it’s cool inside.

“Fine,” Baekhyun says. “But no hugs. I’m too hot and miserable for body contact.”

“Hmm, okay. Since you were ultra cuddly in the wintertime back home.”

It’s only day two of their first ever trip together. As promised, Kai wanted to bring him here to meet the other half of his family. It was nice and exciting, but Baekhyun always imagined they would come during a holiday, preferably one that occurs during the cooler weather. This wasn’t how he pictured it. July when the temperatures were peaking around 96 degrees and everyone here said this was relatively cool for what it could be. Baekhyun would never understand these people.

“Come on. You won’t melt, much,” says Kai as he tries to corral him in a certain direction, all the while trying to obey Baekhyun’s request to leave skin-on-skin contact for another time. Probably Kai will rue the day he decided this was the most suitable time to bring him here, but then again with their respective schedules, there isn't much of a better option.

They're staying with Kai's dad for the time being, in one impersonal guest room down the hall from Kai's little half-brother. David is every bit as cute as he sounded on the phone, and he adores Baekhyun. Kai is immensely proud of this, but then the kid does share portions of his DNA so it was a given he'd like Baekhyun.

Really though, the second-best bonus to coming back was introducing Baekhyun to Monggu. Since the first moment Kai arrived in the house, the little dog has ignored every other living soul, including David, so excited was he to see and greet his first and one-time owner. Kai had gotten him as a puppy, a poor Christmas present from his mother, but even before he moved to Texas the puppy had outgrown their New York apartment, and honestly, Kai hadn't been well enough to properly look after him. David could though, and that was why he left him behind. 

The welcome home licks almost made up for it. Kai and Baekhyun are barricaded in their room, a reprieve of cool air and relative silence from the rest of the house. Kai's dad was respectful enough, but his step-mother was an question-hungry warrior for every detail about his life and even Kai had a limit for her kind of overly polite and formal nosiness. 

"This dog is great," says Baekhyun. He sits on the floor, back to the bed, petting only the tail end of the brown mottled poodle because the dog only has eyes for Kai sitting next to him. 

"Is there a 'but' to that?" Kai side-eyes him.

"I don't know. Is there?" Baekhyun asks himself, actually curious. 

"I still can't figure out if you're a dog person or not. You're obviously not a cat person-"

"Who says I don't like cats?" Baekhyun protests.

Kai laughs. "Uhm, you? Every time one sneaks onto your bed?"

"Only when you're on there too." He pouts. "Divided attention, and all that."

Kai snorts. "Whatever. I don't believe you."

Baekhyun huffs, but lets the conversation go. He worms the hand nearest to Kai through the barrier that is the poodle, and finds Kai's hand to hold. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Fine. Mostly," Kai answers. "I'm tired though."

"Hmmm, I bet. We did a lot of wandering around today."

Kai smiles. "Yes, but I missed this place. And I wanted you to see some of the places I liked. Won't get to do that after today."

"True," says Baekhyun. But he wishes Kai had gone a little easier on himself.

The last few months have been hectic for them, and a little bit stressful if Baekhyun is being honest. He's been busy, over-worked with rehearsals and performances and workshops. The holiday travel schedule was only the start of several more later winter trips, a few in the spring as well. He hasn't gotten to spend as much time with Kai as he would have liked. Most weekends, but not every weekend. A few evenings a week. Sometimes they only had time to eat lunch together, or to grab a late-night dinner before Baekhyun passes out on his bed, Kai beside him. 

He wishes he was a more ideal boyfriend, or that Baekhyun could at least have more time to be around him. There were definitely weeks when he thought he must be a failure, and he didn't know why Kai even bothered with him - yet each time they were reunited Kai never complained except to tell him a voice halfway to whiny that he missed him, that he was glad they were together now.

The other problem about being so busy was that every time Baekhyun came back, or finally got time for a legitimate date night, he noticed things different about Kai. Maybe if they were together all the time he wouldn't see it, but after spending three days, five days, a week and a half apart, he was starting to notice things. Kai being more exhausted than usual. Kai wincing when he walked, or bent over, or stood up after a long period of inactivity. His side of the apartment was messier than usual; Kyungsoo had started to do most of Kai's laundry. 

By the middle of spring, Baekhyun finally made him sit down and tell him honestly how he was doing, made Kai explain to him everything that needed doing.

"I'm taking the summer off," Baekhyun said in finality. 

"What? No, you don't have to do that," Kai had protested. 

"No, I mean I already have the summer off. There's a long break for the company. I don't even have to beg your mom for a vacation, although given the circumstances she probably couldn't reject me now." Baekhyun beamed. He'd since managed to wrap Kai's mother - and his boss - around his little finger. Ever since Kai patched up his relationship with her, they'd all developed a very pleasant, comfortable familiarity. 

"You don't have to come," Kai had said.

"You're right," Baekhyun agreed. "I don't have to. But I want to. Please?"

For spring break Baekhyun took Kai on a short train ride upstate to meet his parents, instantly regretted it because after five minutes in his house Baekhyun's parents were already treating Baekhyun like the forgotten son, so eager were they to welcome Kai into the family. Minzy told more horror stories (from Baekhyun's point of view) and everything was just so goddamn perfect. He wished they could have done more, but the week wasn't long enough. And Kai wasn't strong enough.

And now they are here. 

"Are you ready? For tomorrow?" Baekhyun asks tentatively.

Kai rolls his eyes. "No." But he laughs. 

Baekhyun smiles apologetically. "I'm sorry. Stupid question, I know." 

Kai doesn't respond to him again. He continues to sit there petting Monggu with the hand Baekhyun isn't holding. It's been a trying week, and it's about to get even more so. Baekhyun wrings his fingers through their conjoined hands, squeezes down on Kai's comfortingly, and he rests his head on Kai's shoulder. He sighs happily, sighs again when he feels Kai starting to let loose from all the tension he's been building up. 

"Love you," Baekhyun whispers. 

"Love you, too," says Kai even softer.

Kai is starting to panic. Something inside his head is telling him that he's just being stupid, that there's absolutely no reason to be worried. That the surgery is just a routine operation, his doctor does this procedure about three times a week, and has been doing it for years. It's simple, in and out. He'll be awake in a few hours and everything will be fine.

But for a few hours he's going to be out of it. He hopes they put him to sleep before putting on the catheter. He doesn't want to witness that, not even on himself.

Hospital gowns aren't really his thing. He's also cold laying on the stretcher and he doesn't know why it's taking so long to get this thing over with. One minute he's impatient, and the next minute he's totally fine with the delay. A delay means nothing's happened yet, that nothing could possibly go wrong yet. Even if the odds of something crazy happening during the procedure are ridiculously low, that doesn't mean it couldn't happen... that doesn't stop Kai from wondering if he'll be the one person it does happen to. 

He wouldn't let David come to the hospital with them. He stayed home with his mother, while Kai's father drove him there, Baekhyun by his side. Just like last night too Baekhyun is holding his hand. Or rather he plays with Kai's hand and fingers and palm because Kai is too nervous to lay still and he needs a distraction. His hand is also clammy and that's making him doubly nervous.

"Pssttt." Baekhyun is trying to get his attention. Kai is rather more interested in counting the ceiling tiles of their small, family waiting room. His dad is pacing now outside, probably on the phone with Kai's mother in New York relating all the medical details of the scheduled procedure. She had called earlier to wish him the best. As if Kai was preparing for a dance competition and not a minor spinal operation to minimize the pain in his back. To help him at least feel normal again. 

"Pssttt." Baekhyun pesters him again.

Kai groans. "What."

He senses his boyfriend's pout, and when he turns his head to look at Baekhyun he is correct. 

"Gosh, you're grumpy today."

Kai smiles. Somehow Baekhyun had known he didn't want nice words of comfort. Kai wants to be humored right now.

"What are you thinking about?" Baekhyun asks. "Excited that you'll get the next couple of weeks being waited on hand and foot?" 

"Yeah. I'm gonna run you ragged," Kai teases him.

"I don't doubt that." Baekhyun laughs. "Time to figure out if you're really worth all of this effort." He leans forward and places a kiss in the center of Kai's forehead, sweetly, in contrast with his words. 

"You'll be begging to run away by the end of it," says Kai. 

Baekhyun considers him for a minute. He runs his hands now through the unstyled fringe of Kai's hair, and Kai closes his eyes at the joyful feeling. When he opens them again Baekhyun is still staring at him. It's possibly the fondest he's ever been looked at in his life. Baekhyun is a year older than him, a career away from him, ten times as busy as him and currently with more friends, most of whom he'd stolen from Kai. If Kai could go back in time and tell his fifteen-year-old self that he'd be here one day, lying on a stretcher with an absurd blue hospital gown and Baekhyun - that magnificent creature he'd seen on the stage - that Baekhyun, with him, he'd swear it was a dream. This could never be anything more than a dream.

Baekhyun is beautiful in a very tired sort of way, and Kai thinks it must be because Baekhyun is just as worried as he is. He just doesn't say it out loud. He's given up his summer to come on this trip and be with Kai and help nurse him back into mobility when the surgery is over with. And then they'll go back home, together he hopes, and start the next stage of their lives. Baekhyun promised him that, sternly, lovingly. And right now Baekhyun looks so serious, so mature, and Kai loves his side of him so much. 

Then he winks, and the allusion of serenity is gone, replaced in a heartbeat with that other side of Baekhyun that Kai absolutely adores. The cheeky side that once fascinated him so much from a distance, that pressed all the wrong buttons and inflamed the place where Kai balanced all his disappointments and dreams. The Baekhyun he'd not been expecting when he finally got to meet him, and in some ways it was shocking and in other ways it was perfect. How did he get so lucky.

Baekhyun laughs, wrinkles his face and practically sneers at Kai with a giggle in his throat. "What. You think you can scare me off? Not a chance. You're stuck with me, Kai. So you better be cool with that, because I'm not going anywhere else for two whole weeks. It's you and me all the way."

"And Monggu and my dad and my stepmom and David. Don't act like you'll be the sole martyr here." Kai smirks.

"Okay, so you've got a whole bundle of helpers. So what. I'm the only one who matters."

"You are," Kai agrees finally. "You are."

He dreams then.

Somewhere in between being rolled away and waking up five minutes later - was it five minutes or five hours? - Kai is conscious enough to know that he's in pain. He can't roll over and he can't turn and he can barely turn his head, and even though several nurses seem to be in the room with him, they're not fussing over him. Maybe that means everything is fine. But still, he is in pain, and so he sleeps. And he dreams.

Did he used to be a dancer? Kai thinks he must have been a dancer. He's on a stage, and that part seems familiar but something in his head remembers how he hasn't done this in years. He's not the right age for this. He hasn't danced in years. When was the last time he saw a stage like this? When he danced barefoot with complete abandon and all eyes were upon him? 

He can't see the audience for all the stage lights in his eyes. Part of being a dancer is to be blind to everything else. Dream Kai knows this, remembers this, revels in his. He feels his body moving like it hasn't done in years, and it is amazing. 

The music changes, the lights change. He doesn't know where he is. He can't remember this part. He's forgotten the choreography and soon everyone will know it. He never makes mistakes like this. He's never this unprepared. Something about this dream is entirely unrealistic, and yet... there is something new to it. Something more real than anything.

He's not alone on the stage. 

And then he wonders.

When did this become a duet? 

Kai's never done a duet before. He was always the main dancer, the principal, the soloist. The spotlight was always on him. But now it's on someone else. A boy with silver hair. Or is it blond? Or maybe it's just the way the lights play dance upon the other boy's hair? Lighting it up in a way so that Kai can't see his face, but he still he thinks he recognizes him. Recognizes the way the dancer comes toward him and reaches out a hand and the faceless one smiles at him, and Kai feels joy. He takes his hand and they start to dance.

He remembers the choreography now. How could he ever forget a duet like this? Dancing with someone else like this. Two spotlights on two people, and it suddenly becomes one spotlight on two people, and then one spotlight on... somebody else. Kai is fading away now. The stage around him grows dark until all he sees is the other boy, and he grows dimmer but his face suddenly shines. 

Baekhyun.

He knows who it is now. He was dancing with Baekhyun. Like he always meant to. Like he always wanted to. Like he finally got to do. It was Baekhyun.

Kai.

Baekhyun, and he doesn't want to say goodbye yet. He doesn't want to leave the stage, but everything is growing darker until even the stage is black, and Kai stands in complete darkness, alone but not alone.

Kai.

He doesn't want it to end, but all acts have a closing scene.

Kai...?

He fidgets. Or rather, someone is fidgeting with him. With his arm? With his hair? The stage alights again, but this time he doesn't recognize it. It's smaller and brighter and the walls seems to close around him alarmingly tight. The ceiling has tile patterns. No dance stage has a ceiling with tile patterns. 

"Kai? Are you awake?" Baekhyun's voice. Baekhyun's face. Another duet.

Someone moans, and Kai doesn't know for a moment who it is, until it happens again and he realizes it's himself coming to.

"Kai? Are you awake? Oh please tell me you're finally awake. You have no idea how bored I've been all this time. Just sitting here playing with myself... well... wait that sounds weird... by myself... oh, never mind."

Fingers through his hair and across his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose and his lips. Kai groans again, and tries to move.

"Easy now," Baekhyun says. "Don't get too carried away. I promise I've just been sitting here playing with my phone. I even downloaded Candy Crush just for you. I swore I'd never get it, but desperate times, you know." 

"Baekhyun?" Kai's voice sounds gruff to his ears.

"Yeah?"

He closes his eyes. He really just wants to sleep again, but a part of him wants to remain awake and tease Baekhyun about his new crush. 

"What time is it?"

"Super late in the day. I've played endless levels of this game and now I'm ready to burn my phone. How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink? Actually I'm not sure what you're supposed to have right now. Let me call the nurse. Do you want to see your dad? Or I can call your mom? No, I should probably get the nurse first. I'll just-"

"Baekhyun."

His boyfriend freezes. "Yes?"

Kai smiles, or at least he thinks he smiles. Whatever he does it seems to work because Baekhyun sits down by his bed again and holds his hand. "Yes?" he asks again.

"I missed you," Kai says. 

"You... you what? You were only out of it for several hours. How could you miss me? I've been here the whole day?" Baekhyun smiles indulgently, lovingly.

"That's several hours too long that I missed." He chokes. His throat is dry, and Baekhyun looks mildly worried. He starts to stand up again, but Kai holds his hand. It's just light enough that Baekhyun knows not to let go. 

"Well then," he says. "Now starts the days where I'm not leaving your side so... get ready." And Baekhyun winks. 

END