Chapter Text
-4-
“Park-ssi, I think we have been over this a few times already.” Lee Joon-woo commented. In his tone of voice it was evident a certain amount of stress, yet not the kind people use when they are actually concerned about something.
In Joon-woo’s case there was an edge to it; it was showing his patience running thin as if, instead of talking to a grown up, he was chatting with a child.
Lee Joon-woo was a fifty-two years old man, captain for ten years of Seoul Jongno Police Station, and already awarded for a successful career. He joined the police force when he was twenty one years old, studied hard for it, and took it seriously from the moment he wore his uniform the first time. It was thanks to his position that he met his wife when he was twenty five and she was twenty two. It had also helped him to pay for his children’ studies: one becoming a doctor and the other an engineer. He loved his job and helping people, yet, age had made him grumpier and the honest justification of turning the world into a better place had probably faded with the passing of years.
“We cannot do more than what we are already doing,” Joon-woo stated, hitting his desk with his fingers as if he was trying to make his point clearer. Seonghwa, however, doesn't look down at his hands or the multiple papers on his desk. He wasn’t ashamed to admit he had waited for five hours so the man finally stopped acting as if he was busy and decided to let him enter his office. “Kim Hongjoong’s case is still open, but it has surpassed the six month mark. He has been passed to a long-term missing person. Our team hasn’t found new information and we need concrete proof. Do you have any of that right now?”
“Kidnapped.”
“Huh?”
“Hongjoong is not just missing, ” Seonghwa squeezed his fists under the desk. “He was kidnapped. He was abducted from his home. Isn’t that proof enough that Wooyoung did it?”
“There’s no video showing that.” Joon-woo said and then he sighed as if he was tired. “We checked the cameras, Park-ssi, you were present. Kim’s family was present. The videos didn’t show anything weird. The apartment was clean and even the computer didn’t hold any fundamental information. The university stated that Hongjoong dropped out of college on his own. Beside, you need to remember Hongjoong’s condition.”
Seonghwa felt the bile in his throat and forced himself to not react violently. That would just make the other kick him out.
“But… that doesn’t make sense.”
Seonghwa was gritting his teeth
“You’re not trying.” Seonghwa continued and he tried to take a deep breath, calm himself down, but the police were doing shit. Nothing that could help him. “You’re not even making a real effort. Hongjoong could be in danger right now. If you could listen to what I’ve been trying to tell you the past times then-”
“Park-ssi,” Joon-woo’s words were sharper. Suddenly, the whole room seemed quiet. Seonghwa knew that the other officers were looking at them from outside. The walls were made of glass anyways and it made you feel as if you were in a zoo. “Your theory made Jung Wooyoung the main suspect, right? That he was the one behind everything and the kidnapper in this case! Ha! But there’s no papers against him. His history is clean. Besides, they were, how did you say it? A couple- right, they were gay, geez, kids these days keep on inventing terms for everything. We have been over this, Park-ssi, multiple times and if you don’t have concrete proofs there’s nothing else we can do. I can assure you we are doing all in our power to find a solution to this. Perhaps, you need to get used to the idea that Kim Hongjoong went away willingly. With the condition he had and his way of living I wouldn't blame him!”
Seonghwa felt himself trembling but because of rage. He observed the officer’s face and for a second, pictured himself standing up and slamming it against his desk. If he could, he would do it repeatedly. Seonghwa wanted to throw his stupid trophy against the wall and yell that they were useless pieces of shit. He hated him. It felt like a joke that right now Seonghwa was practically begging someone to help him, to just listen, while somewhere Hongjoong must be in who knows what situation.
He took a deep breath and then stood up. His legs felt as if they were made of jelly.
“You’re fucking useless,” Seonghwa cursed.
It was the first time for him.
In his whole life he never imagined himself cursing an officer, but he didn’t regret it.
The man didn’t react either, he just smiled and wished him a good day.
Seonghwa stepped out of the office and walked away without even bothering to look, hitting whoever stepped in front of him.
-
Seonghwa left the police station with the same bitter taste of previous times.
He had to swallow down three times and do his best to keep track of his heavy breathing, but the feeling of rage and nausea was still attacking him. It made him believe he was going to throw up at any given moment, but instead he kept on walking and rushing down the crowded street. He didn’t even properly think where he was going to and passed the subway station in which he arrived.
For now, he needed to walk in order to calm down.
Yeah, it had been six months and there was no news from Hongjoong’s location.
His family was more than destroyed. For what Seonghwa had been told by Hongjoong’s hyung, his mother had fallen into a heavy depression while his father had been fired from his job because he was too focused on his son’s situation to concentrate on his work. Seonghwa daily talked with Bumjoong, mostly to exchange information, but he feared that Hongjoong’s older brother was also losing hope in finding him.
It was as Hongjoong had disappeared from Earth.
Seonghwa hated everyone who was sitting there with their thumbs up in their asses. Yet, he hated himself the most because he had been stupid and blind.
He wasn’t like that anymore. No. In fact, Seonghwa understood the truth the moment he entered Hongjoong’s apartment three days after his official disappearance.
At that moment, Seonghwa had a bad feeling, a hinch of something, and decided to go and visit him even though Wooyoung would constantly say he was just sick and tired.
“He says you shouldn’t bother going, hyung.” Wooyoung had said to him more than once, shrugging and smiling. “You could catch his cold.”
Stupid.
That afternoon when he changed paths and went to his old apartment, he wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. However, Seonghwa had rang the bell and nobody answered. Therefore, he ended up feeling awkward in his place. He tried again and again, but nothing came.
At that moment, he sent multiple texts to both Hongjoong and Wooyoung, but just then he noticed these were not even being sent to their phones. Like that, the disgusting feeling creeping up his back turned into dizziness and Seonghwa didn’t care about mannerisms or politeness. He just pressed the code for the door and decided to enter because Hongjoong was a chronic internet addict. In a way, he was always online. It was strange for him to not answer his texts, unless Hongjoong himself would have said that he was going to be busy for a while and wouldn't be able to reply.
Of course, the door didn’t open.
Seonghwa had tried another time, but the situation repeated.
He had looked at the digits without blinking, processing what the heck was wrong.
That was the code, he was sure of it. Seonghwa himself had picked it because he couldn’t trust Hongjoong to decide on one and not forget about it.
Then it clicked, of course it had been changed and the only person who could have done that was Wooyoung himself.
Something like that wouldn’t have been strange considering he was the one living there after Seonghwa had moved together with Yeosang. Yet in that moment, when everything became odd and Seonghwa was already feeling the sweat rolling down his back, he thought an action like that was beyond just having a little bit of privacy.
Seonghwa had to call the company so they could unlock the door. He explained that he had been living there in the past with his best friend, but had moved out. Now, he was worried about him because he wasn’t answering his calls, nor texts. The company said they would send someone and one hour later, Seonghwa was finally entering the apartment.
At first glance, there was nothing strange.
Seonghwa observed the living room and kitchen space. He saw the mugs resting beside the coffee machine. For some reason, he decided to open the fridge and saw containers with food that was close to rotten. Then, he went to the rooms: Hongjoong’s one was just as he remembered, but messier. Then, he turned to the one he assumed was of Wooyoung and found his bed, a computer, and a picture pressed to the wall. The picture had nothing interesting to it: just the sunset on a beach.
There was nothing weird in the apartment, yet, that was the reason for Seonghwa to doubt more.
He went to the living room again and decided to call the police first, saying his friend was missing. The second step was talking with Hongjoong’s family.
Police arrived quickly and Seonghwa didn’t allow them to kick him outside while they searched the place for something (for what? Seonghwa couldn't know, but the anxiety he was feeling made him believe he was getting ready for a bloody knife, a used gun, or a corpse below the bed. Anything). Seonghwa narrated to the first officer who introduced himself and asked him questions that it had been a while since he contacted Hongjoong and that was strange. He explained the weird behavior of the weeks prior to the disappearance: how Hongjoong had fallen strangely sick and Wooyoung did everything for him.
“Wooyoung?” The officer in charge of taking notes of Seonghwa’s words asked.
“Hongjoong’s new roommate.” Seonghwa specified. Sitting on the couch of the living room, at that same moment, he started to develop the habit of picking up his cuticles. More officers were searching inside the cabinets, below the table, inside the rooms. On that spot, Seonghwa noticed there were no shoes by the entrance, neither in front of the door where Hongjoong would usually messily store them or inside the closet that was used for that. Looking at that, with no particular reason, he decided to add: “And his boyfriend.”
The police’s pen had stopped and he looked up at him.
Seonghwa had known what was going on inside that man’s brain.
“Boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” Seonghwa nodded. “They were dating, but everything happened too fast. For what I know, they started their relationship the day after Hongjoong was almost robbed- He actually filed a report about that.”
“I’ll check on that when I come back to the station.” The man had said and after clearing his throat, he wrote something more. “So, you said things were strange before the disappearance and it was related to this… boyfriend of his?”
“Yeah.” Seonghwa nodded again. “Wooyoung would constantly say he was too sick to attend his lessons. I was also too busy to come here and check on him. I thought… I thought there was no reason for me to not believe Wooyoung’s words and Hongjoong was talking to me via chat- I can show you the conversation if you want, but… Then he started taking more time between the replies and just apologized, saying he was tired all the time. He took a lot of naps. I thought he must have been really sick.”
It wasn’t strange for Hongjoong to sleep a lot, mostly because he didn’t sleep enough.
When that happened, Seonghwa assumed it was because of his cold or whatever he had gotten. However, when narrating such a situation to the officer, something else started to grow in his mind.
“Aha.”
“And then he didn’t reply anymore.” Seonghwa had concluded and finally, he looked at the officer’s face. “Hongjoong would have never gone without saying something. His family doesn’t know about him either. He’s not the kind of person who would do something like that.”
“We’ll investigate that.”
It was at that moment that another officer came closer to them, but instead of talking to Seonghwa he went to the one who was taking his declaration.
Seonghwa observed how the new incomer touched the officer’s arm and whispered something to his ear. Looking at that, he couldn’t be sure what had been said but it was enough for the man to apologize and said he needed to check something. Then, Seonghwa had been left alone in what was his own living room months ago and while looking at the space that was both familiar and unknown at the same time, he wondered when everything had gone to shit.
He had looked at the spot on the floor where he and Hongjoong would sit together to watch stupid programs on television. Sometimes, when one of their mothers decided to have pity on them (usually, it was a weekly occurrence) Seonghwa would be the one in charge of peeling the fruit of the session. Hongjoong was not the kind of person who ate vegetables and Seonghwa was way too tired of throwing them when he tried to cook them for the other, but at least fruits were of Hongjoong’s delicate taste. Yet, even with that, Hongjoong was annoying in how picky he was with them.
He liked red apples, not the green ones, and they needed to be cut like bunnies or he said he didn’t want to eat them. Mandarines needed to be perfectly peeled and that included the thin white skin that was attached to the meat. Bananas couldn’t be too ripped, they needed to be perfect. When he had grapes, he only wanted the green ones and he would take an endless amount of time because he had this annoying habit of trying to peel them with his front teeth.
Seonghwa scoffed every time Hongjoong reminded him of those details.
“You’re a pain in my ass. That’s what you are.”
But still, Seonghwa would do it for him because Hongjoong was his best friend and he loved him deeply.
He still does.
Seonghwa needed to concentrate and think that Hongjoong was okay. It was just a strange moment, but it didn’t mean Hongjoong had disappeared from Earth.
(Right?)
So, while Seonghwa squeezed his fingers, trying to silently take deep breaths to calm himself down, he looked at the exact spot on the floor where he had shared with his best friend multiple times and thought:
When things started to go wrong?
Seonghwa thought about it.
Hongjoong was a transparent person. Seonghwa only needed to look at his face once to know there was something wrong with him. When something was bothering him, Hongjoong had this way to look at the walls, the ceilings, the windows, or pick up at the skin around his nails in a nervous habit. For that reason, Seonghwa had noticed the moment Wooyoung had made an appearance in his life because it was at the same time he started to pay more attention to Yeosang.
Seonghwa had never considered himself a bad boyfriend. He remembered anniversaries and always made something for them, even if it was something small like buying a single flower or inviting the other to eat. He made sure of sending goodnight messages and good morning ones. When Yeosang was stressed, Seonghwa made sure to ask him what he needed: solutions or containment. He got matching items such as keychains, shirts, and rings. Even when Yeosang never asked for it, Seonghwa always told him with whom he was going to meet and when he was coming back.
He had done everything in his power to have a healthy relationship; because of that, the moment Yeosang had sat down in front of him, telling him that he was getting worried about the seriousness of their relationship, Seonghwa had been left speechless for a good five minutes.
“We have been together for a while, but I don’t see that you want to take the next step with me.” Yeosang had said in a meticulous way, hands folded on top of his knees and back straight. When Seonghwa had looked back at it, he noticed how staged it had sounded as if Yeosang had practiced such words again and again in front of a mirror. “Like, for example, living together.”
I don’t have a problem living with you, Seonghwa had answered and then he decided to worded it again when noticing how rough it sounded: I want to live with you. It’s a great idea. We should look for apartments.
And that had been.
Seonghwa had scolded himself because how couldn't he notice Yeosang’s needs? Of course he wanted them to live together. Weren't they already sharing a lot of time like that? Yeosang would go to his apartment and, if not, Seonghwa would make sure of being on his. Yet, the problem was found in the fact that they didn’t have a space for themselves. Therefore, it seemed logical that Yeosang was after that.
However, while Seonghwa looked at the ground of his ex-apartment, remembering his best friend peeling grapes with his front teeth, officers walking around and faking searching for something, Seonghwa’s eyes had widened at the same moment the pieces started to fall together.
The information started to order similarly to this:
Yeosang mentioning something he had never seemed to care before; Seonghwa searching for a place; Yeosang saying that it was fine, he already got one because his best friend helped him with that; Hongjoong needing a new roommate so he could pay for the rent and having a breakdown because of it; Seonghwa suddenly remembered Hongjoong mentioning that he ended up changing his course and there was a loud kid approaching him; Seonghwa telling him how that was Wooyoung; Wooyoung who was Yeosang’s best friend; Wooyoung, the person who was magically in the right place, at the right time when Hongjoong had been robbed; and Wooyoung the person who ended up becoming Hongjoong’s roommate in the blink of an eye.
Seonghwa’s head had started to hurt at that point and he was sure the whole room was moving. All of the sounds around him became just background noise echoing in the walls, not entering his brain properly. He took a deep breath. Exhaled. Inhaled. Needed to fill his stomach and then slowly emptied everything.
Who was Jung Wooyoung anyways?
Seonghwa noticed he never actually cared about making that question.
“Oh, we are childhood friends.” Yeosang had answered with a shrug and the wave of a pretty hand when Seonghwa encountered the boy for the first time.
It had been a coincidence (had it been?). They were in a coffee shop close to the university and Wooyoung, oh, how surprising, had appeared out of nowhere and jumped on Yeosang’s back. He talked loud, not caring about the ugly looks from the people who wanted the quietness, and also laughed flamboyantly. Wooyoung looked at Seonghwa as if they were old friends and not someone he had just met. He bowed, but then tilted his head and pointed at Seonghwa’s face asking him if he was also a dancer. Why? Because he had the eyes of an artist.
“We are besties .” Wooyoung corrected him with a foxy smile. Seonghwa didn’t know what to do, but he smiled because it was the polite thing to do. Yet, there was something in the way Wooyoung looked at him that made him shiver. “And also childhood friends. Pretty cool, huh? We went to the same highschool and now the same university!”
“Yeah, but you can see Wooyoung has always been the loud one.”
“I suppose you must be Seonghwa.” Wooyoung said and his arm rounded Yeosang’s shoulders. “The boyfriend. I have heard a lot about you. Well, Yeosang is my bestie, as I told you, I need to know with whom he's talking. Perhaps, you understand it. Do you have a best friend, Seonghwa hyung? Oh, you’re older so I can call you hyung, right?”
“Eh? Yeah, sure.” Seonghwa asked, not knowing what to do. The table for two had turned into for three when Wooyoung pulled a chair from another spot and sat with them. “And yeah, I have a best friend.” Although Hongjoong hated it when Seonghwa tried to say it. He got embarrassed each time. “Yeah.”
“So, you get it!”
Who was Wooyoung?
Seonghwa had asked himself while looking at the ground and then, right there, he noticed a strange stain that hadn't been there before. It was dark. He couldn't exactly tell what exactly. Seonghwa was considered a clean freak, so of course he could tell exactly what wasn't there before. It could be nothing, but for some reason his brain had gone to the worst scenario possible and like that the only source for such stain was one: blood.
Who was Jung Wooyoung?
Yeosang’s best friend. Childhood friend. For what Seonghwa could observe, and considering Yeosang came from a family of money, Wooyoung was probably rich. He was studying something related to computers and engineering. Beside the first time Seonghwa had seen him, he encountered him at least four more but it had always been brief. Wooyoung always talked too much and changed topics fast. Seonghwa didn’t have the opportunity to grab at one, trying to dig deeper into something, when Wooyoung was already asking another question or sharing another experience that in fact didn’t even tell shit about anything.
Especially not himself.
What’s your favorite food, hyung? (Well, I don’t know. I like to eat so I’ll need to think about it. Probably, something with meat and-) You know? When it’s difficult to decide about something, I toss a coin. I think that’s the best way to pick an option. You say oh, I really want this option to be the one! So you know that’s the real one. Oh, what do you prefer, hyung? Beach or forest? ( I would say forest because- ). Did you know that red pandas make themselves bigger when feeling threatened? Isn’t that like the cutest shit ever? Wow! I need to go now, but it was a pleasure, hyuuung!
Wooyoung had more friends beside Yeosang, but Seonghwa never got the opportunity to meet them.
The boy had been just a dot in Seonghwa’s life. Something that is present, but too small to pay attention to it for real.
It was just there.
Until he became Hongjoong’s roommate and then his boyfriend.
Until you notice that there’s an actual dot there and everything you read changes.
What an odd thing that had been.
What a coincidence.
But then… Then…
Seonghwa blinked and his eyes ached because he didn’t notice he had been looking at the spot for too long. The noises around him increased. Police were moving. Seonghwa was standing and then he had thought something really simple, but what changed everything for him: It wasn’t a coincidence.
“Seonghwa-ssi.”
Seonghwa had turned his head to the side, eyes wide open, and before he could understand what was happening, he looked at the officer’s face. It was the same man who had taken notes of his previous information. Good. Seonghwa wanted to tell him more. He needed to tell him about Jung Wooyoung and how fucking suspicious everything was. It was fishy. Considering everything that had happened, the only strange piece was Wooyoung himself.
“Officer, I-”
“Seonghwa-ssi.” The man repeated and then, he sighed. “I need to show you something.”
Oh, no.
Seonghwa had walked the hall assuming the worst. He was going to faint. Then, he entered Hongjoong’s room, scared to look at the floor, but the officer pointed at something and when he turned his gaze, Seonghwa found the space corpseless. At first, he didn’t know what he was looking at, but the strange objects were on the bed.
Although he was an adult already, Seonghwa had felt the heat go to his cheeks and he turned his eyes to the wall.
“All of those were found in Hongjoong-ssi’s room. There are more. In all honesty, we are nobody to judge what everyone does in their free time and their private space, but this is quite the collection. Our team found toys, lingerie, and well, what seemed to be masks. You may understand that today the internet is really popular and some people can make money out of it, so…” The man talked for what seemed like an eternity. At the end, Seonghwa turned his back to the room. “We wanted to ask you if you knew about all of this?”
“No.” Seonghwa had answered. “I didn’t.”
Fuckers.
Seonghwa walked faster and kicked a rock on his way.
The memories kept invading his head.
It filled him with rage.
Of fucking course, after such discovery the investigation took another turn. Police did what they needed and contacted the Kims too. However, the situation got more complicated and it was evident they were blind with their own prejudices with the information related to Hongjoong’s orientation and his activities on the internet. His mother had cried when they were informed that Hongjoong had been posting sexual videos of himself. His father had done his best to keep himself composed, but Seonghwa had looked at his face and how his shoulders had dropped. At least, the police didn’t do something stupid like trying to show them the videos, but they, in fact, did the nasty move of showing a picture of Hongjoong’s profile so they could see it was him. The face masks that appeared on the videos and the space was exactly the same as the one in his room.
Why was that important? Because the police’s theory was that Hongjoong had been uploading such videos to gain money. It wasn’t an uncommon practice, but quite illegal in their country.
(At the mention of that word, Hongjoong’s mom had cried louder.)
Anyways, Hongjoong had done it and among all of that, he ended up dating Jung Wooyoung. Wooyoung came from a rich family and the boy was a chaebol. He was an orphan and his two brothers had died years ago, so Wooyoung was the one who inherited all of the money. Two were put together and police ended up with the idea that probably Hongjoong decided to escape with Wooyoung. Where? Nobody knew. But for someone who was that desperate for money, Wooyoung seemed like salvation.
You must be joking, Seonghwa had said the first time he heard that theory.
They were blaming Hongjoong and saying that he had run away on his own. That wasn't fucking possible. He would never do that. It was a fact Hongjoong had recorded himself to gain money, but because he was desperate. Seonghwa himself felt stupid for not noticing Hongjoong’s strange actions. He never thought too much about it, but instead of being angry or disgusted, he had felt guilty.
He was his friend, how couldn't he notice it?
They could have come with a solution together.
And with that, the police didn’t want to accept Wooyoung as the only one to blame. Not even when Seonghwa kept on saying that it was probably him the one who did everything. He sketched all about what happened so he could get to Hongjoong. Seonghwa was sure that Hongjoong’s disappearance had to do with him.
Yet, they kept on saying the same:
“There’s no proof for that. There’s nothing that can make us believe that Jung Wooyoung had something to do. He was his… boyfriend, but we did an investigation on him and his records are clean. His belongings are clean. If he’s also away, well, who knows! He’s rich. Probably he's out there on a little vacation or something. Perhaps, both of them are!”
Useless pieces of shit.
Seonghwa had never considered himself a violent person, but these last weeks he has become more and more aggressive.
He was going to find Hongjoong.
Wooyoung wouldn't hurt him (he wished). He was sure of that (He hoped). If he had done everything he did just to be with his best friend, then Seonghwa wanted to believe he would be careful with how he behaved.
With that in mind and feeling tired, Seonghwa entered the first café on the way. The smell of coffee hit his nostrils and after taking a deep breath, he went to the cashier, picked the first thing on the list, and waited for his order to be ready. He took his cup and sat down on a corner, close to the window. He sighed and looked at how careless everyone seemed outside, yet Seonghwa felt like his life was being pulled apart.
Fuck. He couldn't even sleep properly these days.
The shop was comfortable and clean. It didn't have a modern decoration and there were not a lot of clients. Seonghwa noticed the pastries and how there was a group of high school girls giggling and taking pictures on the other side of the place. There was a couple too, they seemed to be in their twenties, and when Seonghwa looked at how their bodies pressed close together, Seonghwa thought about Yeosang.
He hadn’t seen the boy in quite some time.
First, because Seonghwa had been too worried about Hongjoong to properly pay attention to him. This was something Yeosang understood and respected, he even tried to help. Yet, then Seonghwa’s attention focused more and more on Wooyoung and in that moment, the younger seemed to put distance between them. Yeosang had kindly explained that he couldn't accept such words against Wooyoung. It was true that he could be considered intense and strange ( sometimes . How? Seonghwa had asked, but Yeosang had dismissed. Is he obsessive? Seonghwa had thrown back, and Yeosang’s eyes had sharpened and said that’s enough in a defensive way), but he couldn't be a bad person.
Wooyoung. Poor Wooyoung. He had gone through a lot already. First, his parents were killed when he was young and stupid. Just a teenager, you see? Nobody even found the culprit. Then, one year after, his siblings were the next to follow. His older brother fell from the stairs and broke his neck. His younger one died after eating nuts to which he was extremely allergic. How couldn't Seonghwa have pity on him? Wooyoung never came back to his old house, even! The memories were too fresh. It hurt too much. And how could someone so blessed be so miserable at the same time? Wooyoung was a genius. Yeosang explained how he was always there to fix his computer because Yeosang liked to watch movies on illegal websites and always got viruses.
Seonghwa then said that Wooyoung's life could have been a misery, but that didn’t explain his disappearance. The one that was at the same time as Hongjoong’s.
“Sometimes he does that.” Yeosang had answered, his voice raising with each new word. The boy was not someone who yelled. He was soft spoken and educated, but on that occasion it seemed he was one step away from shouting at him. “He goes away and then appears. He needs some time to think. We’ll ask him when he comes back.”
Sure.
That was nothing but bullshit.
Seonghwa knew he wasn't going to come back and after he stated that, Yeosang said that they should break up.
He answered that it was okay.
Seonghwa looked away from the couple and took a sip from his coffee. He burned his tongue and left the cup on the table. With tired eyes, he looked outside and rested his cheek on his hand. The music of the shop was calm. It seemed like a lo-fi mixtape and Seonghwa thought that Hongjoong would have liked this place. He imagined he would have entered quickly, ashamed of getting the attention from the clients, probably wearing one of his favorite jerseys and leaving his backpack on his side. He would have taken out his sketchbook because he enjoyed doodling, and then asked Seonghwa to buy his order for him. Of course, Seonghwa would have done it because he knew how difficult it was for his friend to talk with strangers.
While he looked at the first glimpses of the afternoon arriving, Seonghwa thought the same thing he had repeated for the past months:
I miss him.
“ Eeeiiigooo , it’s good that boys like you are dating.” Someone said behind him. It seemed like the voice of an old woman. Seonghwa tried to look at the reflection, but he couldn't see the details. Yet, he could check that it was a granny who appeared to be with his grandson. “You’re young, handsome, tall, and well educated. I’m sure she’s a lucky girl.”
“Thank you! Well, I’m the one who is lucky to have him.”
“Oh?”
“Aish, ahjumma, don’t make that face. It’s a new era, after all. We are good people and completely in love.”
“I’m not- I’m just… It’s so weird and… But!” The woman was stuttering. Seonghwa frowned and for some reason, didn’t try to look away. There was something in the conversation that made him unable to part his eyes. “Not in a bad way. I think that if you love each other, then that’s okay.”
“Thank you. Yeah, well, he has been dealing with some hard things these past months. Aish, my poor boy. He cannot even leave our place because he suffers from anxiety. He needs me to fetch him groceries and his meds- Yeah, because he’s taking meds. In fact, he developed an addiction to them. He cannot go one day without them. My poor angel,” the voice of the boy got rougher and for a moment, there was silence. Seonghwa wondered if he had started crying. “But we are happy together. I’ve been helping him to overcome that, but yeah, as I was telling you… he developed anxiety and also paranoia. It’s difficult because when I try to make him stop his consumption he gets this withdrawal and- Oh , I’m sorry, granny, I shouldn't be telling you all this. But it just has been so, so hard.”
“Oh, dear, I’m sure he’s going to be okay. It must be… Difficult. He seems like a complicated person and you shouldn't be responsible for him.”
“You’re mistaken there, granny. He’s my everything. My savior. My angel. When I was in a really bad moment of my life, he appeared like a miracle. I couldn’t forget his face. He made me a better person. Of course, he didn’t know me, but I didn’t stop until I found him.” There was a laugh. “He’s beautiful and delicate. Just like a doll. The old ones, you know, the ones that were made of porcelain.”
“You talk about him like you’re really in love.”
“I am.”
Seonghwa’s back tensed and his heartbeat got faster. He blinked and noticed he was shaking. Why? He just… There was something off. What was it? What made him react like this? His skin was covered in goosebumps and there was a heavy pressure on the back of his head.
“Well, it’s okay, granny. I’m the happiest person in the whole world.” There was the sound of a chair being pulled and the boy stood up. Seonghwa looked at his reflection and the shape of his body. There was dark hair and a black hoodie. “I was getting my angel’s favorite treats. He really likes the cream pastries from here. He has been behaving well lately and we will not be able to get them again.”
“Are you moving away?”
“Yeah. Somewhere far away and calmer. It’s going to be better for him. I’ll take care of him, I assure you that.”
“I’m sure you will!”
Seonghwa’s eyes opened wide and he clenched his fist. The shivering stopped for one second and it was the same one where he took a deep breath. Everything happened fast and slow at the same time. The gears in his head were moving slowly, making a clicking sound, and then they started working again at the normal speed when the boy passed by his side and went straight to the door after saying his farewell to the old lady.
He stood up when the boy’s face slightly turned in his direction.
Seonghwa was sure their eyes met.
Wooyoung just smiled, opened the door, and left the shop with a plastic bag in hand.
Seonghwa stood up in one jump, knocking the chair and almost turning the table. He didn’t have the time to apologize. He rushed to the door, pushed someone who was trying to enter, and stepped outside on the street. He went in the direction he saw Wooyoung going, but he walked and walked, looking everywhere.
However, there was no one.
-end-