Chapter Text
"My dearest, beautiful and spirited Kathiyani,
How are you feeling lately? How is Edwina doing? Does she still enjoy spending time with Lord Gils? How is your mother handling things? It must be hard for Lady Mary, knowing that when Edwina succeeds, it means you will be going back.
It is hard, is it not? To root for something that is not at all perfect?
I want to be with you, more than anything, but I do feel guilty tearing you away from your family. I can imagine your feelings in this regard are mutual, if not worse.
Not too long anymore, my dear Kathiyani, till I can have you in my arms again.
I am counting the days, and pray they will come sooner than we both anticipated.
I love you, with all my heart.
Your Pranav."
Kate frowns after reading her fiance's latest letter, he didn't mention the dress or respond to her doubts about Lord Gills.
By now he must have received them and it wasn't like her fiancé to ignore her doubts.
He could be following her lead to just keep the letters light and cheerful like she did.
Kate couldn't blame him. There isn't much time to debate this further, she has to get ready for tonight.
Another ball, another time to play pretenses.
Luckily tonight she'll have Pranav at her side, with his dress on her body she feels more connected and less alone.
"You look so beautiful," Edwina cries out when she spots Kate in the dressing room. "Pranav is such a sweetheart, sending you such a wonderful gift."
Kate nods briefly, she isn't able to keep her gaze away from the mirror.
It might be a bit cocky to agree with her sister, but she really does this time.
Kate feels handsome, the orange of the dress brings back good memories of home.
She thinks about sunrise and flowers, to the point where Kate even remembers the scent of the house she used to live in.
"Kate?" Apparently Edwina tries to get her attention for a while, because she waves her hands for Kate's eyes and laughs when Kate makes a tiny noise out of fright when she sees her sister standing before her.
"What is it Edwina?" Kate acts as if nothing strange happens. "I was just thinking about Pranav, and home," she sighs. "I cannot believe he did this."
"Me neither," Edwina claps her hands to express her excitement. "I want a suitor that is just as thoughtful."
"And you will," Kate's mood shifts, she stops twirling and takes her sister's hands in hers. "You have to tell Lord Gils, the sooner you set him free, the sooner you will feel better."
"I know," Edwina smiles a tiny grin. "Maybe you are right, stalling the inevitable is not good for either of us."
Kate is relieved her sister finally starts to get it.
"We can have fun tonight, no suitors, just us." Kate takes her sister in her arms just like she did a hundred times before. Her arm rests on her waist and the other holds her arm in the air.
"I know how to lead, it can be about you and me tonight."
Edwina relaxes in her arms, so Kate steps to the side and spins her around.
"We can dance, just like we did back home."
Edwina giggles. "Why can I not marry you, dear sister?"
"Because I am afraid, my sister, I am not what you're looking for."
"It would be so much easier though," Edwina skips a beat and starts to laugh. "I know I like you, I know you like me for who I am. It is rare to find."
Kate nods, she knows this to be true.
"I want what you have," Edwina whispers. "I want to be able to laugh without feeling self aware, I want a man that challenges me just like he does."
Kate frowns, the conversation takes a turn she did not foresee.
Pranav doesn't particularly challenge her so much it's obvious, so what was Edwina talking about.
Who was she talking about?
"I want a combination of the two," Edwina Answers before Kate asks. "I am sorry I did not know how else to bring it up." Her cheeks flush and because Kate's grip loosens from shock, Edwina breaks free and steps aside.
"What are you talking about?" Kate gasps a bit. "Which combination?"
"Lord Bridgerton.." Edwina says carefully. "I see your eyes light up every time you two are together. Almost like they do with Pranav."
Kate starts to feel uncomfortable, not because it isn't true, but because apparently she doesn't hide it very well.
"Almost?" She has to know, "you are exaggerating."
"If you say so," Edwina shrugs, "either way I would love to have it."
The thought hadn't left her mind, even when Kate is preparing for the dance she keeps thinking about her sister's words.
Almost like they do with Pranav.
All Kate hopes is that the difference is not as obvious for everyone, because if her mother found out, she doubts she will be as understanding as her sister turned out to be.
Kate fumbled with a loose curl, her hair complimented her dress perfectly. The maid has made a perfectly braid that falls over her left shoulder. The dress too fits her like a glove. Kate beams with pride when she looks at herself in the mirror. Pranav truly knows her body, because it highlights all her good features. Not in the obscure way of course, just subtle enough for her to notice and for it to make her shine like never before.
If he was here, Kate was sure she would ignore proper etiquette, and dance with him the whole night.
"Katie, honey," Mary cheers loudly as Kate joins her family in the drawing room, "you look absolutely stunning."
"Is this the dress your fiance sent you?" Lady Danbury clicks her tongue approvingly, "I have to admit; for a man that is supposed to be a prince; he has good taste."
Kate feels how her cheeks flush. She nods absentmindedly, because her thoughts wander off to him again.
What was he doing? How would he react if he could see her?
"He is perfect," she ultimately says when she feels how eyes are still on her, "it is comforting to have a piece of him with me."
"I understand," Mary nods fiercely, "it must give you a sense of purpose, knowing who is waiting for you back home once your task here is done."
Kate notices Edwina's eyes gazing at her, and when she looks up she sees the panic on her face.
"There is no rush," Kate says quickly, "Edwina must not settle for convenience, she needs to listen to her heart, like I did."
Edwina gives her a tiny, thankful smile. And to distract the woman in the room even more, Kate twirls around to make her point and show her dress in all its glory again.
It works. And to her great relief the other man that seems to be on her mind an awful lot lately, disappears further to the back with every compliment she gets.
"My lovely Pranav,
My thoughts are with you as always, but mainly because whilst I am writing this letter, my eyes drift off to the lovely dress you have sent me, it is waiting for me to wear it. Honestly, I have never been this excited for a ball without you present. So, from the bottom of my devoted heart I want to thank you again. It makes me feel close to you, and it is what I crave the most.
Today I have talked with my sister. I told her she should step aside for a moment, figure out what it is that she wants, and not to think about what people (my mother and lady Danbury) expect from her.
I think she understands and that she will end things with Lord Gills tonight.
I am glad my sister heard me, but I am also saddened by the thought it might very well mean I will be apart from you longer.
But you of all people will understand it is my duty to reassure my family is doing well before I retreat and go back to the life I belong.
Wish you were here to dance with me tonight.
Forever yours,
Your Kathiyani."
Kate stands near the refreshments, she takes a sip of her second glass while she watches her sister talk with her suitor.
He doesn't look happy, but the polite way he nods and smiles, comforts her.
Lord Gills is a decent man, just a bit too decent to make her sister's heart beat faster.
"Enjoying yourself, miss Sharma?" A familiar voice distracts her, but from the moment the first letter reaches her ear she knows who talks to her.
"Can I be honest?" Kate avoids his eyes by taking yet another sip from her glass.
"Please," Lord Bridgerton, "I did not take you as a liar, nor would I want you to ever feel like you cannot tell me the truth." His voice sounds soft, almost too soft, and without her realising her eyes find his.
Subconsciously Kate takes a tiny step backwards, but she couldn't help herself.
Lord Bridgerton's eyes are positively burning with something she doesn't quite understand, and it feels best to create some distance before it gets even worse.
"Yes, well.." Kate hears herself mumble.
"I did not think you would ever be lost for words, miss Sharma," the smirk that was almost too small to see before, grew into a proper one, "I apologise if I have something to do with it."
"You think too highly of yourself, my Lord." The arrogance that he so comfortably spreads around like it's the most normal thing in the world, brings Kate's thoughts back into the room.
"I see," he chuckles, his eyes never leaving hers, "but I am still waiting, Miss, are you having a delightful night or not?"
Kate forces herself to smile politely, "not as much as I had hoped, but I see my sister is laughing again, so I will be good momentarily." Kate pointed to the left, where her sister talked to miss Eloise.
"Are you saying you do not like to talk to me?" Lord Bridgerton fakes being hurt by her comment, he has his large hand on his heart and makes a wounded face.
"You cannot tell me this is the first time anyone has ever told you they do not like your attendance, my Lord."
"Apart from my family it is a rare experience," he answers quickly, "but then again, I have never met anyone quite like you."
There it is again, that fluttering feeling in her stomach that Kate tries to ignore. To her great displeasure it only gets worse when she sees how his eyes glaze over her. When he parts his lips to speak, she knows nothing that he's about to say will make it disappear.
"And before you leave me here, standing all alone, I have to say you look dashing tonight, miss Sharma."
His comment took her off guard, Kate hates to admit it, but there was no way she could ignore the thrilling sensation that runs through her spine.
"Thank you," she tries to sound as unaffected as possible, yet she feels how the little tremble in her voice gives her away instantly.
"It's the dress," Edwina appears out of nowhere, "her fiance sent it to her, is that not sweet?"
"Miss Edwina," Lord Bridgerton bows lightly to greet her, but he seems just as startled by her interference as Kate is, "lovely to see you, you look beautiful as well."
Kate frowns, and she sees how her sister does the same.
"I did not mean to overstep," Lord Bridgerton speaks quickly, "I think it has been well known and clear that is not my intention anymore."
Edwina relaxes and gives him a stunning smile, "In that case; thank you, my Lord."
"You are most welcome," he winks briefly at both of them, "you were talking about the dress?" With a small hand gesture he brings the three of them back to the beginning of their conversation, "your Fiance sent it?" The crease in his forehead deepens, "seems like he knows you well."
Edwina nods, but all Kate tries to do is ignore it. She doesn't want to talk about dresses again with him, she was too open with him the other day, and it can't happen again.
"He remembers all that I like, yes. From the fabric to the color." Kate states matter of factly, as if that closes the subject.
"The color does make it look like the sunset has kissed your skin," Lord Bridgerton narrows his eyes and if Kate's not mistaken she sees how his cheeks flush a little, but it didn't discourage him, "and I think it is safe to assume it will look gorgeous when someone spins you around."
"Ah, yes!" Edwina cheers out loud waving the slightly inappropriate comment away, "you know, now that I think about it, maybe you should dance tonight."
Kate clenches her jaw, what is Edwina doing? She thinks while chewing the inside of her cheek. First the comment about how she acts around Lord Bridgerton and now this?!
But Edwina doesn't stop, no, in fact, she only makes things worse.
"Maybe you two should dance," she points from Kate to Lord Bridgerton, "I mean, it is rather innocent to dance, and if anyone asks you can tell them you wanted to ask Kate if you could court me."
"Edwina!" Kate hisses, she doesn't want to dance with him, she doesn't want to stand close to him, she doesn't want to let him lead, and most of all she doesn't want to suppress all that she feels whenever he looks at her like the way he does momentarily.
"Katie, this way you can tell Pranav how it looks, he would want you to dance and have fun in it." Edwina is being dead serious and lifts her eyebrows to show her confusion.
"We can dance when we get back home." Kate tries, but her efforts are in vain, because when she looks from her sister to Lord Bridgerton, he offers his hand and Kate has no choice but to take it.
"You are worrying what people might think, are you not?" Suddenly Lord Bridgerton's voice is drained from its confidence and he looks genuinely concerned.
Up until that moment, Kate's only focus has been upon their connecting hands, startled, she looks up and unwillingly the truth comes out; "yes, I do not like to dance in public with anyone other than him."
"I see," he lets go of her hand and allows her to take her leave, "I must apologise." He says softly.
Kate doesn't understand why the next words leave her mouth, but they do, and after it there's no going back.
"We are here now, one dance would not break me." She reaches for his hand again and puts it on her waist.
Lord Bridgertons nods with the softest sparkle in his eyes ever. “Just keep looking at me.” he whispers, "no one else matters," he could probably tell she was feeling uncomfortable, and he succeeds, because within mere seconds, Kate feels herself relaxing.
When the music starts, she doesn't have to pretend she likes it, she truly does. Usually, her overthinking blocks her feet but now they seemed to be working in perfect sync. with Lord Bridgerton that is. His eyes keep contact with her while his hands send shivers down her spine every time he gently pushes against her back to send her into a spin. When the song ends it takes them a moment to realise it, but his bare hands touching her almost sends her over the edge.
And when the music ends it takes her a while to notice, because the way she feels Lord Bridgertons breathe on her skin, his hands on her, and the way her back is pressed against his front, is too overwhelming.
"Now you can tell him," Lord Bridgerton says after clearing his throat, "and if you are willing to share, I would like to know how it felt as well."
Kate didn't have time to come up with an answer that was appropriate, he leaves before she can do so much as open her mouth.
"My dearest Kathiyani,
My humble apologies for being this vague in my response. I promise I will make it up to you.
I know that lately I have not been able to give you as much attention as you deserve, and my absence in writing and gestures must be frustrating.
Therefore, to show you I can do better, I need you to be in the house in the week of the 6th of october. Can you do this for me?
You know I want what is best for us, right?
Love you, with all my heart.
Your Pranav."
Kate rereads the letter multiple times, it didn't make any sense. What is Pranav talking about? He already did the unthinkable, he sent the dress, he made her feel reconnected to her with that gesture like she didn't thought possible, and somehow there was going to be more?
Pranav was attentive, he really was, but what else could he do?
It is a good thing though, Kate thought while reading it again. Because it worked at first, but then it backfired. Because while wearing the dress at the ball, the dance with him, and the way she felt while doing it, unbalanced her. There had been a dream, even more vivid than the ones before, and when Kate woke up, all sweaty and filled with longing , all she could think about was how his tongue would feel on her skin. How his hands would rip her dress from her body, and how much she craved to be filled by his manhood.
It was disturbing, and unwanted, because she didn't dream about her fiance anymore, no, ever since the ball, she solely dreams about Lord Bridgerton.
And now it is the 7th of October. Kate avoided going outside for days, afraid she would run into Lord Bridgerton again.
Kate is known for her self awareness and her dedication, but all trust had left her.
Kate honestly didn't know what she would do if she ever saw him again. She doesn't trust herself, she might just blurt out she likes him.
"Katie?" All of the sudden Mary appears in her doorway and forces Kate out of her daydream, "are you ready to break the fast or are you going to spend the day in your chambers again?" The look in her mother's eyes is concerned and her tone even more.
"I am fine mother, I will be there momentarily." Kate fakes a smile.
"Okay," Mary hesitates, but steps in the room after some brief internal consideration, "you know you can talk to me, do you not?"
Of course she can't fool her mother, so Kate let her smile go. "I do not wish to speak to you about anything, for there is nothing that bothers me, mother." The lie leaves Kate's mouth rather fast, maybe a bit too fast.
"Kate," Mary spreads her hands, "I know when you are unwell,"
Kate frowns, she highly doubts this but that isn't a topic she wants to discuss at the moment.
"Hush," Mary says quickly, "I know what you are thinking sweetheart, but when you refuse to take Newton out for a walk, I know something is up."
Of course it was Newtie who gave her away, Kate thinks while a loud sigh leaves her mouth. Her dog truly is the mirror of her soul.
"Maybe you are correct, but I do not want to talk about it." Kate admits a little reluctantly. "I will be downstairs in a bit."
"Okay sweetheart," Mary looks like she wants to say a whole lot more, Kate can tell this much by the way her mother shakes her head. If she would have said more, she never knows, because the maid that enters the room disturbs them both.
"Miss Sharma?" Clara says, her eyes are wide with excitement and somehow Kate knows what's happening.
This has to have something to do with Pranav, she thinks.
"Yes?" Kate answered the maid with a polite smile.
"Your presence is demanded downstairs, there is a man downstairs that asked for me to fetch you as quickly as possible."
"Oh," Kate's heart skips a beat, but she hates herself for being this excited, forget him Kate! She punishes herself by squeezing her thigh roughly with two fingers. "I will be there as soon as possible, tell him to wait for me."
Clara nods, bows and leaves the room.
"What are you doing Kate?" Mary's surprisingly firm tone makes Kate look up again.
"What do you mean mother?" Kate tries to act oblivious.
"Do not act so foolish, we both know why you are flushing, you like him. "
"Who?"
"Kate," Mary hisses, "please, you do not have to go to him, I can tell him to leave."
"I am perfectly capable of telling him myself." Kate lifts her chin and stands up, "if you will excuse me, that is exactly what I am going to do."
Kate stands in the hallway, Mary had let her pass without further comments. It is obvious her mother is right, but Kate is too proud to say it out loud.
She will, however, tell Lord Bridgerton he should leave and never do this again. To be honest; it pains her, but she prayed with all her heart the things Pranav has in store for her will make up for it.
"Where is he?" Kate asks a servant when she is downstairs, "in the drawing room I suppose?"
The servant nods, "have fun," he says, and only when Kate is about to open the door, she realises how strange that comment was.
She doesn't have time to think about it any longer, because after that it all goes so fast, for a moment, Kate has trouble comprehending.
Apparently Edwina entered the drawing room from the other side, and her loud screams of excitement filled her ears.
"Pranav!" She cheered, "you are here!"
Kate freezes on the spot, too shocked to move.
"You are amazing! Kate will be so happy."
"That is what I hope," Kate hears her fiance say brightly. His deep voice sounds familiar and kind.
After this it stays silent, Kate assumes they hug and greet each other.
"First you sent her the dress, and now this!" Sounds moments after the silence.
"What?" The confusion in her fiance's voice grounds her. Moments ago she grabbed the door to open it, but now Kate needs it to steady herself.
It all clicks, so fast Kate gets dizzy. She hears what's going on in the room, but the truth has already hit her.
"The dress, the lovely present you sent Kate the other day."
Why wasn't she surprised? Has she somehow always known?
"The color does make it look like the sunrise has kissed your skin" she recalled how he said it, how his eyes had taken her in. How it made her feel, and how happy she was when she opened it.
Kate can't face Pranav this way, she has to collect her thoughts first. Her fiance was here, this was all she wanted for weeks, months even. Until it wasn't, because it wasn't him who made her this happy, it was someone else who sent her the dress. A lovely handsome Viscount that slowly but surely became her friend. But friends don't send friends dresses, friends don't dance like that. You don't dream about a friend like she does.
All that Kate thought was true suddenly isn't anymore. She isn't dressed for riding, but it's the only thing that gives in to her desire to run away from it all.
So she does, she gets on her horse and rides away, fast and far.