Chapter Text
Cas didn’t understand quite what was happening. First Dean had kissed him and, now that Cas had gotten him home, Dean was being handsy and flirtatious and it was really just too much. Thought the kiss had been unexpected and all too brief, it had been so familiar still that Cas ached with it. When he heard Dean whisper “My sweet joy” to himself, Cas wondered why the universe was punishing him.
No sooner had Cas gotten them both through the door than Dean had him shoved against it and was trying to kiss him again. Cas wanted more than anything to let him. Then Dean’s fingers caressed his ear and Cas was distracted enough that Dean managed to cross the space between them and press his lips against Cas’s.
Dean’s lips were hot and plump on Cas’s own. It was so, so familiar, but it felt even better than Cas remembered. Dean’s mouth moved in the perfect rhythm, at the perfect speed and when his tongue slipped forward, Cas’s was already sliding out to meet it.
Cas knew he should stop. Dean was engaged to someone else and he was too drunk to think straight, but, heaven help him, Dean still knew just how to kiss him. It was a little sloppier than normal and it tasted like stale champagne, but Cas couldn’t hold back the little sound of pleasure it drew from him. Dean moaned back in response and pressed him harder into the door.
When the knob caught him in the back, it helped return Cas to his senses. He pushed Dean backward and managed to hold him there until his eyes flickered open. He looked so adorably confused that Cas wanted to just kiss him again, but he held firm.
“Dean, we can’t do this. You live here with Lisa. You’re engaged. I can’t—”
“We broke up,” Dean said, leaning forward again and looking relieved. “At the beginning of the week. She’s already moved out.”
Cas was so shocked that his arms went lax and Dean was able to bridge the distance again. Cas turned his head at the last second, but Dean just started kissing his neck instead.
“Why,” he gasped out. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
His heart was thundering in his chest. It was too good to be true. He didn’t think Dean had changed so much that he would lie to get him into bed, but he wasn’t certain. What Dean was doing with his tongue and teeth was more than a little detrimental to his thinking, however. He got so lost in the sensations for a moment that when Dean answered him it came as a surprise. He’d forgotten asking a question.
“I don’t know. It looked like maybe you and Balthazar were back together. And I wasn’t sure until I saw you tonight what I felt about you. And... I don’t know, Cas. ‘Cause I’m an idiot, maybe.”
Cas let Dean kiss him on the mouth again then. His hands were starting to roam too and Cas didn’t intervene for the time being. It just felt so good and he’d wanted it for so long.
“Dean,” he panted when he could get his mouth free again. “Dean, we need to stop. You’re too drunk for this. I don’t want this to happen when you’re not one hundred percent with me. Please?”
Dean groaned. “Why you gotta be so... fucking... sensible, huh?” Dean carded his fingers through Cas’s hair and gently massaged his scalp. “Feels so good to be close to you again, Cas. Missed you so much.”
Cas closed his eyes and tried to will back the tears that were threatening behind his eyes. “It does,” he said, almost choking on the admission. “I missed you too, Dean.”
Then Dean leaned back suddenly and when Cas opened his eyes those green orbs were laser-focused on his own. “Am I like a ghost that won’t leave you alone, though? Should I leave you alone, Cas?”
Cas made a face and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”
“The photo. The one in my mom’s office. I saw it tonight. Looks like you think I’m haunting you and won’t leave you in peace or something. Should I move into the light, Cas?” Dean asked, his face pensive.
“No, Dean, no, that wasn’t... You weren’t meant to see it. For me, it meant... well, I thought that a double exposure photograph was the only way I’d ever get to have you hold me again,” he said quietly.
Dean’s kiss was not sloppy this time. It wasn’t sexual, either. It was firm and strong and almost desperate. “I didn’t break up with her for you, Cas.”
Cas was thrown for a moment by the seeming non sequitur. “Oh, okay,” he stammered. “That’s good, then.”
“I mean,” Dean said, leaning back and giving Cas some much needed breathing room. “I think I’ve been having feelings for you since we met up again because she and I were already kind of over by then.”
For Cas, that still didn’t clarify much of anything. He assumed Dean’s inebriated brain was making connections that he himself was not. “Dean, you’re not making a whole lot of sense right now. How about if I leave and we talk about this tomorrow.”
“No! Stay,” Dean said and he was practically whining. “We don’t even have to do anything, I promise,” he said, pressing against Cas and kissing his jaw again. “Just maybe some more kissing till I fall asleep.” He nipped at Cas’s ear. “I prolly can’t even get it up right now, anyway, with all I drank tonight.”
“The rather unmistakable erection you’re pressing into my thigh would argue otherwise, Dean,” Cas said in a flat voice. Then, as Dean pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his temple, Cas relented. “Fine. I’ll stay. But hands off,” he said, firmly pressing Dean off of him.
Dean pouted, but dutifully backed up. “Fine. Big baby. Let’s go.” He grabbed Cas’s hand and practically dragged him to the bedroom upstairs. He seemed to sense Cas’s hesitation when they walked toward the bed. “Don’t worry. Brand new mattress. Bought it yesterday.”
It turned out to be memory foam and Cas found himself drifting off much more quickly than he expected. This was despite the fact that Dean had insisted on lying facing each other the way they had when they were younger—and on holding hands.
He woke up in the middle of the night and wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t yet opened his eyes when he felt a finger gently tracing the contours of his face. It made his heart thunder in his chest, but he was still feeling too vulnerable to be just let himself enjoy the touch.
“Are you going to be done mapping the blind man’s view of my face anytime soon or should I just give up on sleeping?” he asked in a voice that might have been more commanding if it hadn’t been half muffled by a pillow.
The finger on his face instantly stilled and then withdrew. “Sorry. Just wanted to check that you were really here.” Dean voice was small and quiet and Cas felt like an asshole, even as warmth spread through his chest.
Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled it to where his T-shirt pocket covered his heart. Then he reached out and traced Dean’s face with two fingers. “I’m here. And you’re here.”
“Can I kiss you again now that I’m sober?” Dean asked in a quiet voice.
Cas wanted that, even more than he wanted sleep. Yet he knew they shouldn’t do any of this until they had talked. Before he could answer, Dean was pulling away.
“Gonna pee and brush my teeth. You can decide by the time I get back,” he said as he padded toward the en suite. “There’s Listerine strips in that drawer if you want one,” he called over his shoulder.
Cas considered the situation. They really needed to talk about everything. Lisa, the break up, what any of this meant. But it was late. And Cas had had an emotional roller coaster of a week. And right now, he just wanted to take what he’d been wanting for so long. Surely explanations could wait another few hours? Surely he could have one kiss? He took a Listerine strip.
When Dean came back in the room, Cas was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting. He held out his hands for Dean to take and gently pulled him forward. Dean came willingly and took Cas’s face in his hands. There was nothing sloppy or alcohol-tinged about Dean’s kiss this time. He took his time, sipping at Cas as though he were fine wine, to be savored.
Their mouths parted in unison and their tongues caressed each other. The strokes were gentle at first, but soon Cas realized—in the dim part of his brain that was still working—that one kiss would never be enough.
Soon, Cas found himself lying on his back, with Dean pressing full length on top of him. Boxer briefs and T-shirts were the only things separating them now and Dean’s erection was nestled just below Cas’s, putting a sweet pressure on his balls.
Dean started to rock his hips slightly and Cas gasped against Dean’s throat. He tasted the salty skin there, grazing it lightly with his teeth. On instinct, he started mouthing at all the places his body remembered Dean liked. Dean stopped him with another kiss, this one needier than the others.
Dean was tense now, no longer lost in the moment. It was so obvious that it broke through Cas’s own lust-haze and he was about to pull back when Dean lifted up himself. Dean sat up in bed and away from Cas, staring at his hands.
“Cas, don’t... if you’re not going to be here in the morning, don’t do this.” The words clawed at Cas’s chest and stole his breath. “Or if, like, this is just a sexual thing for you. I don’t... I can’t go through that again. Holding back during sex and then waking up to find you gone. I can’t.”
The emotion in Dean’s voice was so raw, it made Cas want to hold him and rock him and promise him everything would be okay. He’d had no idea how hard their last sexual encounter had been on Dean. He knew it couldn’t have been good, and his own experience was horrible, but he didn’t know it had hurt Dean that badly.
“Dean, I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He wasn’t sure if his instinctive response was brave or stupid—or if it was really the time for either one—but the words were out before he could stop them. Then again... “I drove us here in your car, for one thing,” he said with a smile. “I was actually a little worried that this was a drunken rebound.”
“It’s not, Cas,” Dean said. “I’ve wanted this for a while,” he confessed, still looking at his hands. “The past few weeks has been really confusing.”
“Sounds like it. And I don’t know if this will make it better or worse, but—” He took a deep breath before launching into his own confession, tired of hiding his feelings. “I made that photograph because I realized that I’m in love with you. Again or maybe still, I don’t know. And maybe you aren’t ready for that yet, but if you’re not, I’ll wait.” He took Dean’s hand. “If you’re single again, and you want me too, then there is nothing else that I can see keeping us apart, once you’re ready. And I don’t want to waste another second.”
Dean was back on top of him before he finished forming the last word, pressing him back into the mattress and kissing him until he saw stars. As before, he slotted his cock against Cas’s and rolled his hips deliciously. Cas, for his part, rocked up into him with just as much want and need.
They were pawing at each other, kisses getting messier and less structured by the moment, when Dean froze and then went limp. His face was buried in the crook of Cas’s shoulder and Cas could feel as well as hear his ragged breaths.
“Fuck,” he said. The word was short but full of disappointment and a little petulance, Cas thought. “I don’t have anything. Like, I’ve got one condom, I think, but no lube. Fucking none.”
“Something wrong with this?” Cas asked, reaching down to pull both their erections free of their underwear. Cas wrapped his hand around them both and fucked up into his hand and against Dean.
Dean groaned in satisfaction. “Nope, not a thing,” he said, thrusting into Cas’s fist.
He reached blindly into the drawer to grab the—thankfully pre-lubricated—condom and then pulled away and rolled it onto himself. When he was done, Cas grabbed eagerly at his cock again and groaned in satisfaction as they rocked together.
“You should fucking kiss me again, Dean,” Cas growled, pulling Dean’s face to his with his free hand. Dean seemed to find no issue with the request.
It wasn’t perfect, but it was by far the best sex Cas had had in years. Four years, if he was honest. Unlike the last time, there was no holding back, not on either side. He and Dean were both present in the moment, making eye contact and touching everywhere they could reach of each others’ skin.
It didn’t take long. Cas had been wanting this too much for too many weeks—years?—to be able to hold off his orgasm for any length of time. They were kissing when Cas felt his pleasure building toward release.
“Fuck, Dean, I’m so close,” he panted against Dean’s chin. “Come with me. Can you come with me?”
Dean didn’t answer, he just let out a low moan that told Cas he wasn’t far behind. They came within seconds of each other, shouting hoarsely and swearing and lost in the moment. They kissed at the end of it, as their endorphins took them off somewhere for a few seconds and their brains started coming back online.
-----
When they pulled apart, Cas rolled over onto his back, heavily. Then Dean was bounced around slightly as Cas got himself onto his side and up onto his elbow. Dean mimicked the position and soon they were facing each other. He found himself feeling inexplicably shy, now that it was over. Or maybe vulnerable was a more accurate word.
Cas reached out with his his hand and lightly trailed his fingers from Dean’s shoulder to his hand, then back up. Then he expanded his territory of exploration, bringing out gooseflesh on Dean’s skin with his featherlight touch on some more sensitive areas.
“Never thought I’d get to do this again,” Cas said softly, eyes filled with something Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to name.
There was a painful lump in his throat he tried to swallow down before he reached up and took Cas’s hand in his own. He twined their fingers at the first knuckles and painted swirls on Cas’s palm with the pad of his thumb.
“Neither did I,” he said, staring at their hands. Then he looked up into those too blue eyes and added, “But I never stopped wanting to.” A smile ghosted across his lips as he dropped his gaze again, pulling Cas toward him so that they were cuddling instead of holding hands. “When you walked into the restaurant that night with Balthazar... For just a minute, I forgot Lisa was there. I forgot anything had ever changed. I wanted to stand up and run to you.”
Cas gave a laugh that sounded like it might be trying to turn into a sob instead. “Oh, God, Dean, so did I, you have no idea. You looked so happy to see me and, for just a split second, it was like no time had passed at all.” Dean felt Cas’s lips press down on his collar bone. “It’s been getting steadily harder ever since, not to be with you.”
Dean squeezed Cas tight and kissed the top of his head. “My saving grace,” he whispered. “You’re with me now.”
“My sweet joy,” Cas said, and lifted up to kiss Dean.
There was nothing heated about this kiss, but it was desperate and frantic and messy. It was Cas trying to express his years of longing through touch and without words. Dean recognized it because his own longing had been equal. He knew his return kiss was equally wild and needy.
“I love you, Cas,” he mumbled against Cas’s mouth. “Fuck, I don’t think I ever stopped.” He petted Cas’s hair. “Even when Lisa and I were happy, whenever something reminded me of you... I still felt this pang, you know? And when you sent me that picture of us... did I even tell you that I’d been searching through all my boxes for it?” He let out a small laugh. “You always did seem to read my mind.”
Cas huffed a laugh, but he didn’t argue.
“I was surprised you couldn’t tell how bad I was struggling not to reach out and touch you or... I don’t know. I guess I did try pretty hard to hold on to the thing with Lisa.” He blew out a harsh breath, willing his shoulders to relax again. “I think I was scared. Life with Lisa would have been inferior to life with you, Cas, I know that, but... if I didn’t have you again, I couldn’t lose you again.”
Without his consent or permission, Dean’s body burst into tears. It took him some time to realize that Cas was crying right along with him. They held each other, kissing and stroking one another for their own comfort and for the other person’s.
“I won’t let anything come between us this time, Dean,” Cas said when they were calmer again. “But I meant what I said about allowing you time, if you need it. I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready.”
Dean mulled it over. As much as he wanted to say no, he didn’t need any time, they should jump right in, he knew that wasn’t really fair to Cas. He needed to make sure his head—and heart—were on straight before they tried to start their relationship again.
Slowly, Dean nodded. “I think you might be right. I think it would be better if I took a little while—not long, but a little while,” he assured Cas. “To get myself right. I want us to have the best chance there is, Cas.”
Cas just smiled and kissed him again. “I’ve waited this long. I can be patient a while longer.”
Dean hugged him close. “I don’t know if I can, but I want to try.”
“We’ll still talk and see each other, right? Just as friends?”
“Yeah, of course. I don’t think Mom is going to let you out of having dinners at her house any time soon and she’ll probably want me there too,” Dean told him, smiling.
“Just so we’re clear, this temporary separation starts after breakfast in the morning, right?” Cas asked, expression fierce.
Dean laughed. “Shut up and go to sleep.” He kissed Cas on the nose and then rolled over.
Cas immediately slotted up against Dean, taking the big spoon position. “I love you,” he whispered into Dean’s ear.
Dean murmured it back and then he could feel Cas’s breathing even out. More relaxed and happy than at any other time in recent memory, he too drifted off to sleep.
---
When the sunlight woke Cas the next morning, it took him a few moments to parse the input his body was sending to his brain. There was a warm body pressed against his, an erection nestled between the globes of his ass, and a leg shoved between his own. A hand lazily traced circles against his hip and a mouth pressed lazy kisses along the line of his shoulders.
“Dean,” he said hoarsely, when his brain finally supplied the information.
“Mm, that’s me,” Dean whispered as he sucked Cas’s earlobe into his mouth. “Figured I owed you an apology for being such a dick about the water,” he murmured as the hand on Cas’s hip slipped forward and grasped Cas where he wanted it most.
Cas gasped. “I think that’s very generous of you. What did—ah! What did you have in mind?”
Cas had jerked awake not long after they had dozed off, insisting Dean drink a large glass of water. He’d done it to try and spare Dean a hangover headache, but apparently he would be reaping other benefits as well.
Dean rolled his hips forward at the same time he stroked downward with his hand. “Well, if you pass me that lube I found in the bathroom cabinet this morning, I’ll be happy to show you.”
Cas expected to be prepped, but instead, Dean just slicked both of their cocks and then rocked between Cas’s thighs while he stroked Cas’s erection. Occasionally, Dean’s head would catch on Cas’s rim or press against his perineum hard enough to ping his prostate, but the motion of Dean’s hand, the sound of his breath in Cas’s ear, and the feeling of his whole body touching Cas’s was enough. It reminded him of the way things used to be when they were teenagers, still learning all the ways their bodies could work together.
It didn’t take either of them long. Afterward, Dean bundled the sheets up for the wash and then they both made their way into the bathroom for a shower. Under the warm spray, they shared round three—blowjobs this time—and then quickly finished washing up.
By the time they got dressed—Cas in borrowed clothes—and before they could discuss breakfast or what happened next, Dean’s cellphone was ringing.
“Hey, Mom,” Dean greeted warmly as he shoved one foot into a boot. He paused in tying the laces as he listened to her talk. “Oh, actually, I was going to have breakfast with Cas... yeah, it’s just...”
As Cas busied himself with his own shoes, anxiety began to creep in for the first time. What if Dean took some time away and realized too much time had passed? What if he decided he didn’t want Cas, after all? Cas didn’t think that was the case, but life had been too long not on his side for Cas not to worry. He spared a glance at Dean and realized those green eyes were trained on him, concern in them.
“Well, let me ask him, okay?” Dean tucked the phone against his chest. “Mom’s inviting us both for breakfast. We can say no. Or we can just talk after.”
Before Cas could form a reply, Dean pulled the phone back up to his ear when a noise was heard on the other end. “What?” Dean blushed and mouthed, “Fuck,” with his eyes closed. “Um, he’s here because, um, he, uh—”
Cas grabbed the phone. “Hi, Mary. I stayed after I made sure Dean got home safely, since I was so tired. I’m not sure he actually remembers much about that part, to be honest,” he said with a small smile at Dean to show he was just teasing.
“He was pretty soused, wasn’t he? Lightweight,” she teased. “Listen, come for breakfast, all right? Both of you. I wanna see my boys.”
Cas’s smile was fond. “The boys you just saw last night?”
“Cas Winchester, are you sassing me?” Mary asked sternly, though Cas knew it was in jest.
“I wouldn’t dream of it. We’ll be over in a few minutes,” he said.
“Good,” she said approvingly. “Love you. Tell Dean for me too.”
Before Cas could respond, the line went dead.
“Mary loves you,” he said as he handed Dean back the phone. “And she wants us for breakfast because she wants to see her boys, apparently.”
Dean snorted and shook his head. “Guess I should’ve known there wasn’t any other choice.”
Cas seemed unable to stop the smile on his face as he finished putting on his second shoe.
“You got a thing for my mom, Cas?” Dean joked as he picked up his keys and wallet to shove in his pockets.
“She called me Cas Winchester,” he said quietly. “Been a while since she’s done that.” Tears pricked his ears, but he blinked them back. “I liked it, that’s all.”
Dean reached out and brushed a thumb across Cas’s cheekbone, staring into Cas’s eyes. Dean pulled Cas forward into a gentle kiss.
“I like it too.”
Cas turned their small kiss into a hug that lingered. “I love you so much, Dean. Tell me we’re gonna make this work.”
“I love you and we are. We will. Not letting you go again, all right?”
Cas nodded. “We’d better go, huh? Don’t want to keep your mom waiting.”
Dean pulled away with a snort. “Suck up!” he called as he strode out of the room.
Cas chuckled and followed close behind.
Once in the car, Cas felt his nerves abating. Riding in the Impala had always been soothing for him. He’d always felt so proud to be allowed shotgun. He was still in shock that he’d been able to drive her now. He laughed to himself at his use of the female pronoun.
“Tell yourself a joke you never heard before?” Dean asked with a smirk.
“Sort of,” Cas said. “I called the Impala a ‘her’ in my head. I think that qualifies, don’t you?”
“Hey, watch what you say about my Baby, now,” Dean said.
“Your deep-seated attachment came back awfully fast. Are you the same Dean who let me drive a while back?” Cas teased.
“Ah, but I get to keep her now, you’re forgetting.” Dean’s face grew serious and he glanced at Cas, taking his hand. “I can afford to be attached when I know I don’t have to let go.”
Cas squeezed back and he didn’t let go or stop smiling all the way to Mary’s house. Dean’s smile stayed in place too.
Mary was waiting for them on the porch when they drove up, waving and smiling broadly.
“You think she’s gonna know as soon as we walk in the door?” Dean asked.
Cas snorted. “You really think it’s gonna take her that long?”
They shared another smile and got out of the car together. Cas hung back slightly to allow Dean time to greet and hug his mother. Then she was motioning him forward impatiently to join the hug. As her arm snaked around him and Dean’s wrapped around just above it, Cas felt the strongest sense of rightness, of contentment, that he had felt in a long time. Maybe since John Winchester’s accident.
Finally, Mary let them loose and ushered them into the house. Within moments, they were in the kitchen and Cas had a hot cup of coffee in his hand, made just the way he liked it. Mary made the two of them sit as she brought over skillets of hot food to ladle it onto their plates, as well as a bowl of fresh fruit. By the time she was done, Cas had scrambled eggs, spinach, bacon and potato hash, and a large pile of fresh, ripe strawberries on his plate.
“This looks incredible, Mary.”
“Smells great, Mom. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
Mary scoffed as she sat down across from Cas and next to Dean. “Please, like it’s trouble feeding my babies. Now hush and let’s eat!”
For the next few minutes, they busied themselves with obeying her instruction, but then she set her fork down and got up to refill their coffee. Cas suspected that their interrogation was about to begin. Strangely, he didn’t feel all that worried about it. He’d known for some time how Mary felt about he and Dean together, after all.
“All right,” Mary said, sitting back down. “So tell me what happened last night after you two shared a four alarm kiss and Cas had to drive you home, Dean.”
Dean carefully chewed and swallowed the bite in his mouth, then wiped his lips with a napkin. He glanced at Cas and squared his shoulders.
“We went to Vegas and got married,” Dean said, solemnly. At her confused frown, he said, “What exactly do you wanna know? I was drunk, Mom. Cas and I had years of sexual tension banked up. You really want the details?”
“Dean Winchester, do not think because you are six feet tall and cute as a bug that I will not turn you over my knee and spank you till you cry.”
“Mary,” Cas interrupted. “I think I know what it is you’re asking. The answer is, Dean and I had a long talk. We both expressed how we feel.”
Mary’s face lit up and she grabbed Dean’s hand. “So you’re together?” she asked excitedly.
Dean glanced at Cas again before he said, “Not exactly. Not yet. But we will be.”
Her face fell and she looked confused. “What?”
“I just broke off a pretty serious relationship. I’m gonna take a few weeks to get my head all sorted out, and then me and Cas are going to give it a shot.”
Mary glared at him and picked up his plate, taking it away and putting it on the counter.
“Hey, I wasn’t finished!” Dean protested.
“You can have your breakfast back when you stop being an idiot. You’ve been in love with this boy since you were sixteen years old, Dean. What’s to figure out?”
“Yeah, I have, so I wanna make sure we have the best chance at that. What are you taking my breakfast for, anyway? It was Cas’s idea!”
Cas wanted to kick Dean for his betrayal, but it was likely Cas would have done the same, under Mary’s scrutiny.
She turned her glare on him then, walking over to grab his plate too. “I thought you had better sense, Cas, I really did.”
“Mary,” he pleaded. “You know this is better. Don’t you want us to—”
“Dean,” Mary said, ignoring him. “You said you realized you weren’t in love with Lisa anymore, right? That you hadn’t been in a long time.”
“Yeah, but—”
“So you’re not grieving. You and Lisa were basically roommates... or maybe friends with benefits is more accurate, but still. If you had a roommate, or even a fuck buddy—”
“Mom!” Dean said, blushing, but she ignored him.
“—you wouldn’t think twice about walking straight from them to Cas, would you?”
“No, but—” Dean said, at the same time Cas said, “Mary—”
“Cas, what’s he gonna learn about himself in the next two or three weeks he doesn’t know already?”
The question gave Cas pause. He honestly didn’t know. He had just felt as though Dean should take some time in between relationships. To be alone. He decided that was his answer.
“I don’t know. I think he should have some time to himself. Time alone to—”
“Time alone? Time alone. What do you think the two of you have had for the past however many years since you left for college, Cas?”
Evidently, Dean was starting to see things Mary’s way because he was staring at Cas now, a questioning look on his face. Cas stared back, feeling helpless. He didn’t want to be apart from Dean. He just thought they should be.
“Don’t you think you two have wasted enough time?”
Cas sighed. “Mary. I don’t know why you’re refusing to see reason here. I’m not telling him to go on a safari in Africa. I just want him to take a week or three. Think things over. Make his peace with what happened between him and Lisa. Is that really so illogical to you?”
Mary continued to glare at him for a moment before she sighed and closed her eyes. “No,” she said, wiping a hand over her forehead. “No, it makes perfect sense.” She got up and brought their plates back. “I guess I got so excited by the idea of you two finally back together.”
He and Dean glanced at each other and then reached out to take one of Mary’s hands in each of theirs.
“So are we, Mom,” Dean said.
Cas nodded. “We really are.”
She smiled then and got up to hug them again.
----
That afternoon, as he stood in the middle of his empty living room, Dean wasn’t quite sure why he’d argued with his mom on the issue. Looking around, he wasn’t seeing Lisa everywhere. He was seeing Cas. Cas had only been in the house a handful of times, but Dean thought he fit there in a way that Lisa hadn’t. Certainly, Cas had left a lasting impression.
Dean caught sight of the Impala collage and smiled. He could easily imagine Cas’s photographs hung all over the house. When they were young and convinced their future was together, he’d seen it then too. He hadn’t known what their house would look like, but he’d always imagined their walls lined with Cas’s pictures.
With a pang, he realized, he didn’t want to wait a week or three. He didn’t want to wait a minute or three. He wanted to be with Cas again. Officially and without question.
Still, he knew he might need a second opinion, so he grabbed his phone and called Sam.
“Hey,” Sam said, sounding a little breathless. “How’s—what’s, uh, up?”
Dean narrowed his eyes. “Not much. Just looking for a little advice. What’s up with you?”
“Me? Oh, not, you know, much,” Sam said hurriedly. There was the sound of a door closing as Sam stepped into a new room. “What kind of advice?”
“Sam.”
Sam blew out a breath. “I spent the night with Cas’s brother.”
Dean thought his eyes might be in danger of leaving his head. “You... like, spent the night, spent the night? Seriously?”
“Yes, Dean, seriously. I think my crush on Cas should have made it obvious that I’m not entirely straight.”
Dean laughed. “Dude, I’m not judging you for pete’s sake. I’m just asking.” He cleared his throat. “And anyway, um, I kinda spent the night with Gabriel’s brother, so....”
“What?!” Sam exclaimed. Then he whooped. “Hell yeah, man! That’s awesome. You two belong together.”
“Well, that’s actually kinda what I wanted to talk about.”
“Okay?” Sam asked in confusion.
“Cas thinks I should take some time to deal with the whole end of the Lisa engagement thing.”
“Hm. What do you think you should do?”
“I think,” Dean said, sliding a hand across his jaw. “I think that I just want to finally be with Cas. I don’t want to wait for some theoretical day in the future. I don’t think I need to wait.”
“Then I think that’s your answer,” Sam said.
“You don’t think I’ll regret it later?”
“Maybe. Or maybe you’ll end up regretting wasting time you could’ve spent with Cas. Life’s short, man. Don’t try to logic love.”
Dean snorted. “Wow, my nerdy little brother’s a romantic. All right. Thanks.” He cleared his throat again. “And, uh, good luck with... you know, whatever you got going with Gabe.”
-----
Cas was already regretting his decision to give Dean space by the time he’d been home ten minutes.
It wasn’t solely because he walked in on his brother and Dean’s doing unspeakable things in his guest bedroom, but that certainly didn’t help his peace of mind. Sam turned a shade of red most commonly associated with a second degree sunburn and Gabriel refused to stop smirking, as smug as if he’d learned the secret for turning lead into gold.
“Sorry your night didn’t go as well as mine, Cassie,” Gabe said with a pop of his eyebrows, once Sam had left.
“As a matter of fact,” Cas said crisply as he flipped through CDs and looked for something that might soothe him. “My night and my morning went every bit as well as yours. Probably better, frankly,” he added, looking up. “At least, up until the scarring trauma of seeing my only brother naked and impaled on my childhood friend’s frighteningly large penis.”
Gabriel finally looked slightly guilty at that, but his smirk didn’t falter. “Sorry. Didn’t expect you back so early.”
“Gabe, it’s one-thirty.” He and Dean had spent so long talking with Mary they’d ended up just staying for lunch too.
His brother shrugged. “Whatever. I’m gonna take off. You’re crabby when you catch me inflagrante with hot boys.”
“Please stop talking,” Cas pleaded.
Thankfully, Gabriel left quietly after that and Cas had some time alone. Unfortunately, that just left him more full or regret than ever. He could be having a nice day off with Dean. More over, with naked, affectionate Dean, covering all that freckled skin in all the kisses and touches Cas had missed since freshman year of college. The night before his father’s funeral hardly counted.
When the knock came at the door, he set his scowl firmly in place, more than ready to give Gabriel a lecture. As he jerked open the door, however, he quickly realized his brother was not on the other side of it.
“Hey, Cas,” Dean said.
“Dean,” Cas whispered. He wasn’t sure why, but the moment felt important.
“So, um, turns out my mom was right. I don’t wanna wait. I just wanna be with you.”
“But—I... we decided....” Cas trailed off lamely, not having any effective argument at hand.
“Yeah. Thing is, I went back to my empty house and I realized it doesn’t feel that way because Lisa left.” Dean stepped closer. “It feels that way because you’re not in it yet.”
“Dean, what are you saying?” Cas managed to gasp out, his knees feeling as if they might stop supporting his weight at any second and his heart trying to beat out of his chest.
Dean slid his hand across Cas’s jaw and stepped even closer. “I’m saying, you’re it for me, Cas. I don’t want to take any time to think about it because I already know. I don’t need to date you for a while to make sure. It’s always been you. I tried for years to pretend it wasn’t, but it never took.”
Cas reached up instinctively and curled his hands in Dean’s shirt as he was pulled forward into a kiss that left him dizzy.
“Move in with me, Cas. Let’s stop wasting time and instead start catching up on the time we missed.”
“Yes,” Cas said, without hesitation.
Dean grinned, eyes shiny and bright. “And then, you know, maybe marry me and adopt my babies.”
Cas grinned back. “Maybe one life-altering decision at a time.” He kissed Dean again. “But still yes,” he whispered as he pulled away.
Dean looked like he was torn between laughing and crying, so instead he hugged Cas tightly and whispered, “My saving grace. Fuck, I love you.”
“My sweet joy,” Cas whispered back. “Love you too.”
Dean laughed, even as a single tear escaped his eyes. “Mom’s gonna be so fucking smug.”
“True. Maybe we should wait to tell her?” Cas suggested, hands moving up Dean’s torso with intent as he pulled him inside and closed the door. “I mean, if I’m going to be moving out, I think we should at least christen a few of the rooms before I go, don’t you?”
“How about in the studio?” Dean said, blushing furiously in a way that told Cas he meant with the camera rolling.
Cas grinned. “Yes! But later. First, let’s start with my bedroom.”
“Sticking with the classics, I like it,” Dean said huskily.
Once they had made their way to Cas’s room, Cas went into the en suite to grab a towel to speed clean up afterward. When he returned, Dean had a frame in his hands. The frame.
When Dean looked up, he was smiling. He set the picture back down and walked over to kiss Cas like their lives depended on it.
Maybe their lives didn't, but Cas was pretty sure their happiness did.