Chapter Text
Chapter 21: Herd mentality
The next morning, Artemis sort of...staggered into the dining room. Not surprisingly for the affluent Fowl family, the glass table had already been replaced with an identical model. No comment was made about the addition, but the Eurasian bodyguard was stone-faced as he handed his former charge a bowl of oatmeal.
Artemis wasn't paying great attention as he took the only empty seat. He was actually spooning in his first mouthful when he let his eyes drift sideways and noticed his right-hand neighbor: Holly.
Holly gave him a little smile, her own mouth full, and began the process of swallowing, ready to wish him good morning.
Her swallow was interrupted as Artemis swiftly leaned in and pressed a brown-sugar-sticky kiss to her cheek.
Holly had just about unblocked her air passage when Artemis scooted his chair to press flush against her own, their thighs now touching right down to the knee, his ankle hooking to hers, keeping her close. That done, he went back to eating.
Holly focused down at her food, not daring to look up at the family. And especially not daring to look at Angeline. Artemis was certainly still a Fowl...but he was also an elf, and even he was willing to drop some dignity after a long, restless night alone.
If Holly was going to be temporarily diurnal, she was going to take advantage of the sun. In the interest of being efficient with magic restoration, she had taken on most of the healings in the LEP over the last few days, putting her stores of magic down to about a tenth of full. Being so low, the winter sun did not feel like its normal sapping malevolence, and she eagerly took to the grounds after the Fowls and Butler left for the airport to pick up Juliet and her ritual sacrifice.
Er...fiance.
Holly had expected Artemis to sit at the patio furniture and catch up on Ops Booth work, but the man surprised her, not only following his lover onto the lawn, but surpassing her by removing shoes and socks, delicately putting his naked soles onto the long blades of grass.
Holly stared at his pale toes, which wriggled under her gaze. “Communing with nature?”
Artemis sighed with the great dignity he had regained after eating and showering. “Is it unbelievable that I should enjoy this feeling? It is a rare treat. Haven has so little grass.”
Which was entirely true. Grass is a tremendous water-waster, so most every green expanse was fake, if a very well-made fake. The only substantial real lawns were in the weather park—which doubled as a wildlife habitat, and thus could not be very freely enjoyed by visitors—and the 18th hole at the Principality Hill golf club, which even Artemis hadn't visited.
So Holly removed her own kicks and swung her leg back and forth, letting the blades tickle her soles. The grass was preparing for its winter hibernation, and the gardeners hadn't needed to mow for weeks. This left the blades soft and in some way Holly thought they felt content as they slid between her toes. “Did you do this often before?”
“No,” Artemis said, copying Holly's leg swings, though only moving an inch or so, compared to her long arcs. A full-body shiver overtook him and he raised his brows at the lawn. “I never considered doing so until I found it was no longer an option.” He looked up at his mate, quite obviously embarrassed by this current indulgence. “It is pleasant, I suppose.”
Only those who knew the man well would be able to tell how much he was actually enjoying himself, based on the fact that he'd commented at all.
In confirmation of his statement, Holly spread her arms wide, falling onto her back and writhing against the vast expanse of the high lawn.
Artemis coughed into his fist and put both feet firmly to the ground. Despite the absence of all family and staff, his eyes darted around the grounds, anticipating some sort of observation. “Let's not go crazy, love.”
“You started it!” Sitting up—leaving behind a grass angel—Holly dug her hands into her hair and shook to remove some loose blades. Green was her color, but not so much on her head. “If you aren't going to join me down here....”
Artemis looked down at her, brow rising, a quirk coming to his lips that made Holly's pulse jump.
But then he looked up to the sun and frowned. Clothed, it wasn't unpleasant, but they both seemed to conclude that the effects of light on their entire bodies would be far more uncomfortable.
So he refocused, across the high lawn to a wooden structure set against one of the boundary walls, flanked on both sides by thick trees. “We have been rather rude, I suppose, delaying our hellos. I propose we rectify that.”
Holly followed his gaze and broke into a smile. Sitting up, she patted her backside to remove more grass (making Artemis question his earlier decision). Sidling up to her boy and accepting the wrapping of his arm about her waist, Holly joined him in the walk to the stables.
She had met the Fowl Arabians before, but there was something endlessly fascinating about the beasts. “Beasts” wasn't even so much an insulting term to use for the creatures. Intelligent, certainly, and peaceful without a doubt, but dangerous and, unfortunately, sometimes unaware of their strength. Many a horse-loving fairy had found themselves thankful for their healing magic after being thrown by a full-moon-stolen mount. The danger didn't tend to stop any fairy, though. Human legends of kelpies didn't come from some magical beast, but from observations of very stupid, very stubborn fairies being thrashed about the countryside.
For a basically aristocratic family, the Fowls did not have a large herd. Unless one counted the hooved but non-equine members that had begun to take over stable space as older horses passed on. Angeline, being ever on the lookout for ways to save the environment, was experimenting with using livestock to tend the grounds, and the stalls contained sheep, goats, and alpaca, all calling to one another in a strange language that mixed all their tongues.
Bilingual livestock. More common than one might think.
And while these creatures were important in Angeline's trials, showing off their lawn care and production skills, Holly only had attention for one creature.
“Oh...Acorn,” she gasped, vaulting to the top of the stable door and holding out an open palm. “You are...huge.”
The brown mare snorted, swiveling forward, dark eyes blinking slowly. “Am I?”
“Extremely!” Holly laughed as the horse came forward, extending her neck and butting her nose into the elf's chest. The major wrapped her arms around the great skull, feeling like an absolute pixie in size, and squeaked in delight as the creature lifted its head, her feet leaving the wood. She hung there for several seconds before dropping to the hay and going to stroke the mare's stomach.
Acorn looked over her shoulder and gave another fond snort towards the elf, flipping up her red hair. For most pregnant women, being told you look big is a huge insult. For a horse, it was the best of compliments.
Artemis was certainly less athletic than his former lover, and always a bit more wary of horses, following a childhood of being told to respect their power. Rather than joining Holly in the stall, he pulled a short ladder over, rising until he could cross his arms on the door, which would have come to his chest as a human, but which now completely surpassed his height. “I believe we should be congratulating you, Acorn. Heart of Gold....” He shook his head, still stunned. Even for the Fowls, it would have been a prohibitive stud fee.
Though perhaps worth it, based on how Acorn took a deep, deep breath, her exhale half-whinny, half almost-human sigh. “He was...magnificent.”
Holly laughed and Artemis saw that she was now leaning against the horse's flank, ear to her stomach, which was still not quite expanding, despite Holly's earlier compliment. “I'll bet he was! You got two in there or something?” She slapped Acorn's belly.
The mare looked back again and snorted at what was merely a love-tap. Her response of whipping Holly with her tail caused far more protest, though also a chuckle from Artemis.
Time passed remarkably swiftly. Artemis had long known that many animal species were more intelligent than humans might believe, and Holly's previous contact with the Fowl herd had taught him that horses were, in particular, talkative, but he had never before had a chance to have an extended chat with his old mount. While Acorn could not quite understand the concept of employment, she could fathom “work” of a sense, and approved of her old rider being thus engaged. She listened carefully to his description of his house (or, as she kept calling it, “territory”). And she really got that Holly was his mate.
She didn't understand...everything, though.
“Did you leave the rest of your harem alone?” She asked Artemis, giving a stern horsey look.
For just a moment, Artemis thought she had said “herd.” The words were almost the same in pronunciation. A quick glance at Holly—who was hiding her face in the horses mane, shoulders shaking—showed that there was no misunderstanding on his part. “I...Holly is...the, um...only mare for me.”
Acorn tossed her head, black mane arcing. “No other mares? That...that's so sad!”
“I am quite alright,” Artemis reassured.
“Not for you! For you!” The last was said with the horse's neck craned up so she could look down at Holly. “Aren't you lonely?”
Holly patted Acorn's neck, keeping in a grin. “I manage.”
“Do not be so foolish!” Acorn reprimanded, so sharp Holly ceased her caress. “If he is unable to win another mare, then you must lure one into his territory!”
Artemis spluttered. “I...I don't...I wouldn't....” It was the first time a creature of a lower mental order than his own had rendered him speechless.
Holly seemed greatly amused by this fact, crossing her arms and shaking her head. “Acorn...I can't do that to another mare. Even if I did bring one to the territory, he'd have no idea what to do with her.”
“Yes I would!”
Holly tilted her head at her mate, brows raised.
“I...I mean....” Artemis swallowed and lowered both his eyes and his voice. “No. I would not.”
In the next few moments of silence, Artemis prayed it would be a painless death.
As it turned out, death would be preferable, as Holly and Acorn broke into near-identical brays of laughter, the horse kicking a back leg out happily as she gained victory over her old rider.
Based on his experience with another equine some years before (though that one had boasted a rather dangerous head-mounted weapon), Artemis came to the conclusion that horses had very inappropriate senses of humor.
The thought of his old encounter with the last living unicorn (though this title would soon be false, thanks to the efforts of Haven's zoological society) connected to the day's arriving guests, and Artemis was quite willing to follow that distraction. “Juliet should be arriving home soon. I believe we should return to the security room.”
Struggling for some sort of dignity, if only for the benefit of her mate, Holly pulled away from Acorn's side, giving her a last few slaps to the shoulder. “I've got to go. Stallions. Always ordering us around.”
Acorn snorted agreement and lipped Holly's hair as she passed. When the elf vaulted over the stall door, Artemis was disturbed to see that the back of her hair now stuck up. Glistening.
A bit vindictive, Artemis decided not to tell her.
As it turned out, Artemis's timing couldn't have been better. Just before they shut the door, the faint but unmistakeable sound of crunching gravel came from the front Manor drive. Holly went to attention, looking for an immediate hiding spot, but Artemis grabbed her arm and yanked her inside the house and down the halls.
Herding indeed.
He took Holly into a room that would have been dimly lit, but for the rows of computer monitors. There was a faint whir of hard drives and other computer equipment, which they soon tuned out.
Artemis grabbed two rolling chairs and jumped onto his, legs dangling off the edge. By the time Holly had joined him, he had already found a keyboard and begun typing, eyes locked on the largest screen.
“We could watch the surveillance feeds anywhere, but this room can double as a panic room, in case Mr. Chu is in danger of discovering us. Please, text Juliet and Butler so they know where we are.
Holly obliged, her message simple. It in no way warranted the reply of “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! <3!” Still, this made her smile, though Artemis merely rolled his eyes on being shown the lady wrestler's sentiments.
The correct line of cameras were drawn up and the two elves watched in fascination as a car—a full limo, instead of the traditional Bentley, to accommodate the full family—came arcing around the last bend, stopping before the steps leading to the grand front doors.
Artemis fidgeted in his seat and Holly shot him a sideways look. “Anxious to see your childhood love?” she teased.
“I did not love Juliet in that manner,” Artemis replied, the blandest look ever upon his face. “I merely kissed her—once—out of pity.”
“Pity, huh? Don't think so. You were a sharp boy. Planning ahead, I think. Getting your 'blonde bombshell' before she was fully armed.”
Artemis rolled his eyes. “I do not, contrary to the colloquialism, 'prefer blondes.'”
Holly found herself smiling, resisting the urge to play with her blazing hair.
“I find black hair to be vastly preferable.”
Holly glared at her lover, but he just let his lips twitch as Butler exited the driver's side and came around to open the passenger doors.
Artemis Sr. came from the front seat, no doubt there to keep the driver calm and on the road, with his prey so close. The rest of the Fowls filed out, taking far too long, the twins betraying their age by getting in a scuffle over who would exit first (lost to Lucy, who showed surprising dexterity by vaulting over them both, walking away with supreme casualness as her brothers scowled after).
And then, Juliet stepped out.
Holly always felt a little shock on seeing Juliet. She'd met the girl at sixteen, and really got to know her only a few months before her eighteenth birthday. She'd been so...unique that those two encounters had seared themselves into Holly's memory. To her, Juliet was a tall, blonde teen with compact muscles, gray-blue eyes to match her brother's, and a sort of energy that could infect even the stoic Artemis Fowl, turning him practically prankster against Jon Spiro.
Now? Twelve years. Twelve years since they'd first met, and Juliet had just turned twenty-eight. She looked, Holly realized, even older than her elf friend, who was flirting with the end of her first century. Which was not to say Juliet appeared old. Her face might have had no more baby roundness, and she'd left the strange semi-adult phase of college students and 20-somethings behind, but she was still quite pretty. Just no longer a drool-worthy nearly-legal princess. A true queen.
“Sure you're not into blondes?” Holly teased.
“Oh, I'm 'into' them,” Artemis allowed. “They merely come in second.”
“...second?”
“Shh,” Artemis reprimanded, leaning in towards the screens.
The final passenger exited.
Holly's eyes widened. “What...the....”
It wasn't that he wasn't an attractive man. It was that he was a man. Not a young man. If Holly had to guess, mid-40s. Asian, his natural facial features combining with his age to create deep creases next to his eyes. His hair was mostly black, but undeniably graying, pulled back and tied at his nape, the end of the four-inch ponytail so perfectly flat that Holly thought he must have chopped it minutes before.
“Jimmy Chu,” Artemis introduced, absurd in his formality. “An alias, of course. And a terrible name, really. Horrific pun. Former Blue Diamond. He only performed duties as a bodyguard for four years before retiring to open Farmer's Bar in Los Angeles. Serves as the primary contact and supplier for all of Madame Ko's students flying into LAX.”
“How old is he?” Holly demanded.
“Forty...three,” Artemis said, squinting. “Last week. I imagine he proposed on his own birthday.” Pausing, he finally murmured, “A good idea....”
“He...but...that's—”
“Holly, you are seventy years older than me,” Artemis pointed out.
“I'm a fairy!”
“Are you saying no one in Haven finds our age difference objectionable?”
“No. I'm saying fuck them.”
Artemis smirked. “I imagine Juliet has a similar stance.”
Holly was inclined to continue her protests, but the drama on screen drew her back in.
Juliet was thin, her muscles compact. Butler freely displayed his strength with a broad chest and bulges in his arms. Jimmy was between, and also middling the two Butler's in height. And being between two Butlers is never a good thing. Especially when you knocked up the baby of the clan.
Both men might have had the blue diamond, but Holly had no illusions over who would come through in a fight. Neither, it seemed, did the Japanese suitor, for while he wasn't running from Butler, he certainly wasn't meeting his eyes. Or speaking. Or moving without being told.
Butler glared down at the doomed defiler of little sisters.
Juliet displayed either great bravery or an utter lack of self preservation, taking a plastic bag from the limo and hooking her arm to Jimmy's. Smiling at Angeline, she blathered something, winning what looked like a rather strained laugh. Then she began jogging up the stairs, Jimmy forced to follow, Butler creakily turning his head to watch them go.
“Oh...this shall be fascinating,” Artemis rumbled.
Holly shoved Artemis's shoulder, but he just kept on grinning.
For the next fifteen minutes, he observed. So closely Holly was sure he was writing an ethnographic study in his head. 'On male dominance displays in bodyguard society.'
Holly watched, too, but with more trepidation. Not just for this foolish man, but for the young woman who had, for unknown reasons, been caught by him in one of the most complete ways possible.
The family moved into the kitchen, where Juliet got busy unloading a plastic bag, which turned out to be loaded with...Styrofoam containers.
Next to Holly, Artemis whimpered.
Sounds a little echoed though the surveillance system, Juliet announced her need for “a pit-stop. I mean, shesh! I didn't think the peeing thing started until the second trimester!”
She laughed, but her brother crushed the gallon of milk he'd removed from the fridge with a single hand. The liquid sloshed over his shoes and pants, but Butler ignored it in favor of looking at Jimmy.
Looking.
Aaaaaand looking.
Jimmy sank lower in his seat, oblivious to Angeline's questioning. His shirt seemed to turn from an attractive muscle-tee to a raggedy child's top with just his change in posture.
Juliet skipped out of the kitchen, grabbing a second bag of food on the way.
“Oh, gods be praised,” Artemis moaned.
Holly raised a brow, but somewhat understood when Juliet reached the surveillance room and ripped the door open, not even bothering to knock, confident Artemis was already buzzing her in. The suction releasing disturbed the air, bringing in a rich scent full of perfectly balanced spices.
“Din din, Arty!” Juliet cheered, holding up the bag, which had a vibrant orange puddle at the bottom.
“I love you,” Artemis keened.
Holly might have been alarmed if Artemis had hugged Juliet, but he saved his tender embrace for the food.
“He's way too easy,” the wrestler said, watching her childhood friend unpacking the haul. “'Brain the size of a planet,' he says, and you bring him one meal and he's aaaaall yours.”
Then, turning to Holly, Juliet held her arms open.
Holly plastered herself to Juliet's front, ear pressed to the woman's stomach, eyes closed tight.
Shaking her head, Juliet patted Holly's head. Then held up her suddenly wet hand, glancing down at the glistening bit of Holly's hair before discreetly wiping her hand on the back of Holly's shirt. “Ain't nothing to hear, you know,” she teased.
“Lies,” Holly said. “Shirt up.”
Giggling, Juliet let the elf lift her peasant top, as if the wisp of fabric was ruining the acoustics. “You can't do this to every pregnant woman you meet,” she said, remembering the elf's response to Angeline's last pregnancy.
“Experience has yet to prove that,” Holly cooed.
Juliet looked to Artemis. “Seriously? Does she?”
Artemis looked up from his draconian worship of lunch. “She is...conservative for a female elf.”
Faintly disturbed, Juliet took a polite half-step away from Holly, and the woman was good enough to let her go, though she sighed.
“All the regulars,” the wrestler said, pointing to Artemis's horde as she continued her slow retreat. “Naan, rice, samosas. Palak paneer, and they did a tikka masal with mushrooms.”
Artemis sagged. “Not chicken?”
“The nigh-immortal fairy-boy is not getting my pity for being a vegetarian,” Juliet snapped, though with good humor, and Artemis grumbled, too disappointed to fight.
“I've gotta head back,” Juliet said, focusing again on Holly, “or else the kid's going to be forced into a single-mom household. But I was hoping you could leave the genius alone for a night. Lucy wants a sleepover before the wedding.”
“Um...sure,” Holly replied. “Only...not exactly leaving Artemis.”
Juliet scowled. “Can't bring him. No boys!” It was a rather good Lucy impersonation.
“No,” Artemis drawled, unpacking his meal. “Mother will not allow us to share a room.”
Juliet started at this. “Well...huh.”
“Huh.” Artemis repeated. “Did she intend for you and Mr. Chu to share a room?”
“Dunno. Probably not. Wedding tomorrow and all. And it's a bit different, isn't it?”
“How, pray tell, is it different?”
“Well...” Juliet gestured at her stomach, then slapped Holly's back. “Her horse is still in the barn!”
Holly snickered way too much at this, and, in response to Juliet's quizzical look, Artemis said, “Ask Lucy about Acorn.”
Nodding slow, as if with full understanding (a lie), Juliet left.
With another longing sigh, Holly retook her seat. The food intrigued her somewhat, but some concerns remained in her mind. “Artemis?”
He only had about two percent of his focus on the elf, being too busy getting double and triple portions of food, but that was a sufficient level for his genius. “Hmm?”
“Am I really like that? With babies?”
He snorted. “Do you recall what you did when we heard of Chief Fleetwind's family plans?”
“...no,” Holly lied.
“You went out that evening and bought baby-sized firemen hats.”
“It was a gift!”
“They hadn't even conceived yet.”
“I was being prepared!”
“You were being neurotic.”
“Was not!”
“Get over it, Holly.” Artemis took a fork to his plate, mixing together the orange stuff with the yellowish rice. “You like to stomp about and give orders and shoot things, but show you a baby or a puppy or a Hallmark commercial, and you just melt.” Scooping up the mix and holding it near his mouth, Artemis...dropped a bombshell.
“You. Are. A. Girl.”
Holly gasped.
Artemis smiled wide enough that even his open mouth, prepped for nomming, still displayed amusement.
Needing a quick revenge, Holly grabbed Artemis's hand and shoved the fork into her mouth.
Artemis prepared to shout a reprimand, but it appear this would be unnecessary.
Holly shot back in her chair, eyes wide, cheeks puffing out. Keening, eyes watering, she fanned at her face. She squirmed in her chair. She slammed a fist to the table.
Artemis crossed his arms, ticking the fork against his undeveloped bicep. “Is it polite to steal food, Holly?”
She moaned, curling in on herself.
“Are you sorry?”
She nodded violently.
“Will you do it again?”
She nearly got whiplash negating the idea.
“Here,” Artemis said, taking a cup of faintly yellow and extremely opaque drink from the table, handing it to Holly. “Lassi. Milk and yogurt.”
She almost knocked the drink across the room instead of grabbing it, but conquered the panic long enough to suction the straw with such passion that Artemis grew jealous.
When the drink had subdued the fire, Holly gasped for air, eying Artemis's plate warily.
“That is the mushroom tikka masal. The other dish will be somewhat milder.”
Holly panted and took another drink.
Then, grabbing her plate, she frantically spooned out equal parts green and orange, covering all with rice.
“I know, right?” Artemis said, and he shoveled in an unmannerly large portion of orange rice mix and bread.
Burning.
Gods...he really missed the surface.