Chapter Text
You just woke up, but you can already feel the tension in your shoulders. It was a hard week for you, work, school even Wanda and Nat made days difficult for you. Everybody expects something from you, deadlines are not being kind, and everything is piling up in the exhausting hill of responsibilities. You feel yourself sinking recently and if it wasn't for your whole future at the line, you would probably stay in bed for the next two weeks. Recently even thoughts about your future were too heavy, usually working as a motivator, now they are making you feel like you're at a gunpoint.
You didn't have to wake up with the sun today, after working till three am at the bar you needed that rest and thankfully everybody made sure not to bother you. You get up from the bed and immediately make it, so you can start your day not feeling guilty about having a mess around you or not being productive. It doesn't happen often but you actually plan on resting today. You put some music on and after meditating and giving offerings you hear a light knock at your door.
“Hey.” Darcy stands in a doorway, two coffees in her hands. She always looks out for you, even in those small ways, and to be honest you do feel special. She would never do coffee for Maria or Kate.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, everythings okay.” She sits down on your bed, and sets the coffee on the side table. You decide that freaking out about the stains right now is not a good idea. You will deal with it later. To your surprise Darcy is ahead of you and she gets up and grabs coasters and your meds, she hands them to you with your coffee.
“Thanks.” She nods and sits down at the previous spot.
“Do you want to talk about your date?” You don't, you know she cares and that's where it's coming from, there is still anger lingering at the back of your head, that she set you up like this.
“I- '' She looks puzzled, like she can't place exactly how to put into words feelings she has, but you understand.
“I know.”
“I was worried that you wouldn't agree to go. I should’ve handled it better, done it differently. To be completely honest, after we dropped you off I had been scolded by Carol already.” She laughs and you can't help but join her. You take a sip of your coffee, happily making yourself believe that it will wake your brain up more, and let her continue.
“It wasn't nice. I'm sorry, I don’t want to act that way towards you.”
“Thank you, I appreciate you being honest. I was mad, yes, even now I still am a little bit, but it’s going to pass. I'm just happy to be done with this.”
“They called Carol after that night, and they didn't sound happy. She didn't tell me anything, at least not that much, but… Yn, what happened?” you don't want to get into it, but Darcy is your friend, she is on your side, and you want her to feel included.
“Shuri called me in the middle of our dinner. I had to pick up Junior, it was an emergency. There was no taxi, no uber, nothing and this restaurant was so far away.”
“Yeah, again sorry about it.” Darcy scratches the back of her head, trying to ease down the nerves.
“They gave me a ride, and then we went to the theme park with Junior.”
“It doesn't sound so bad.” She is confused, but at the same time she knows that nothing with you is just simply… simple.
“It wouldn't be if I had any say in that. Darcy I had so much work I did not sleep the night after that. I agreed on extra work, i didnt had any food other that a fucking corn dog with junior that day, and nobody asked me about my opinion.” You start pacing around the room, you always talk with your arms and the more agitated you are the more they are working.
“Did you tell them that?”
“Yes I did. After the little family trip of course, I'm not a monster. I couldn't do that to Junior.” She nods in understanding. You both spend 20 more minutes chatting about everything that happens, while you clean your room. You will always happily use a body double to make yourself more productive, and it's so much easier with someone actually next to you. After a nice morning together and more cleaning around the apartment, Darcy told you that Kate asked you to call her and that it was rather important so you called right away.
“Hey sweetie, you wanted me to call?... Yes ... mhm … no problem i got this, don't even worry about it, I’ll text you after everything … I’m always careful … Yes, I love you too.” You finished your phone call, and as you were sitting in the kitchen Maria could hear everything. She just finished cleaning the dishes after herself, knowing how much you hate, when one of them leaves something in the sink, after you cleaned the whole kitchen. They are really helpful with your hyperfixations.
“What the bitch wanted?” You roll your eyes at the name that she used for Kate.
“Be nice. She asked me if I could pick her things up from Val, she left some clothes in her godless danger zone cave.” You answer by not taking your eyes off your phone, already looking for the bus and metro schedule.
“Oh, that should be fun.” Maria goes around the kitchen island and leans her back on it, right next to where you sit. You found that about her pretty early, how flirty and cocky she is, once she feels comfortable with someone. It takes a while, but once she gets to know you, you would never say that she was shy at first. She is touchy, her love language always makes her try to be close to all of you. Some people find it confusing, but you learn at some point. Her smugness it's a part of your daily life and you enjoy the entertainment.
“Yeah.. you are not going.” You get off the stool and start walking into your room to grab your bag. Your backpack is something you can’t leave the house without, you have a lot of useful things in it, which some of your friends find weird. There was always this sense of journey in you, or maybe running away actually, but this feeling made you always prepare to leave. Your backpack is always ready to help you survive if there is a need for you to.. well you aren’t sure what, but whatever that feeling means, you want to be ready. You have first aid there, a knife, dry pack meals which are not the worst and saved you a couple of times, along with unused metro and bus tickets, just in case and some rope. Sounds like a serial killer pack but all of the things were useful more times than you thought they would.
You put your shoes on, take your hat and dark jacket off the hook, and as you leave the apartment Maria comes running out of her room.
“Maria you’re not going.”
“Shut up, we have a bus in 10 minutes, come on.” She put her vintage 90s style jacket on and went out leaving you to close the door. She also learned a lot about you, and how discussing anything with you and trying to convince you of something is usually a waste of time. You respect that and her, the way she talks to you makes you feel safe with her, you know what to expect, there are no games, no double meaning under any words, no malice or anger behind anything. She lays things on the table and you feel safe with honesty. You don't fight her, you close the heavy door, almost tripping over the shoes again on your way out and follow Maria to the bus stop.
Drive took both of you not more then 20 minutes, Valkyrie lives in one of her friends houses from what you know. There have been a couple of times when you were picking Kate up from there but you never went in, for Val it was an issue itself that you are even in the neighborhood. From what you noticed from the outside there is a flag in the window, which is a red flag itself, cigarette buds pretending to be flowers in the garden and broken mailbox in front. Overall a very welcoming environment. You come up to her door and knock hard on the surface, trying to make sure she will hear you over the loud techno music. You feel nauseous, and you know that will not be an easy pick up, but you would do everything for Kate, even put yourself in dangerous situations so she doesn't have to. You hear screaming coming from the inside, someone yelling over music to open the door. Maria is right behind you, she grabs the right part of your open jacket, which is exactly why you didn't want to bring her with you. In situations like that it's hard enough for you to make sure you are going to be okay, and as sad as it is, anyone coming with you as a support is just an additional responsibility to you. Doors open with unnecessary force. In front of you there is Valkyrie, drunk out of her mind, in the middle of the week, before noon. To be honest if someone would ask you to describe her that's exactly what you would say.
“The fuck you want?” Off to a great start.
“Don't make it harder for yourself, give me Kate’s things back and we will be out of here.” She scoffs at you and spits on the ground. That's a comedy behavior and if you wouldn't fear things escalating because of Maria, you would already have a good laugh. Val comes out of the doorway and invades your personal space, trying to dominate you as she is always tired when you meet with her. It was an interesting battle and you were enjoying playing this game with her, till one day when you overheard how much unnecessary shit Kate had to hear from Val after that. She was always jealous of how close you were to Kate, and since that day you tried to be … less with Kate, when her girlfriend was around. You can smell the horrible alcoholic odor coming from Val, since Kate broke up with her it seems like she fell even lower, you didn't think it was possible. You stand your ground not letting any fear get to you, but Maria takes two steps back, not really enjoying the fact that she had to let go of you.
“Tell this slut-'' keep your cool yn, don't kill her, you promised Kate to be as civil as you can “-that if she wants anything back, she needs to come for it herself. I will make sure that she will have a really nice time with me, time she will remember for a long time.Whore likes it rough, but you should know something about it right Yn?” Valkyrie pushes you to the ground taking you off guard and she closes the door behind her, laughing. You get up and straighten your clothes, you can feel your facade breaking, almost as you can hear the sounds of cracks in your patience.You can feel your heart beating in every single vain, your teeth are clenched together, tha same as your fists. You never felt so angry in your life, at least you don't think you did. You never felt so angry at someone and yourself, that you let this relationship go for so long, you recall all those moments when you thought that Kate was silently screaming for help, and you weren't listening. At least this, now, in this moment, you can and will make it right. Maria comes up to you and touches your shoulder bringing you back out of your head.
“Yn-” she grabs your clenched hand “-your knuckles are white.” That's just a second of making a decision, at this moment you knew what it's going to take to make this end, to set Kate free, and you were ready for it the moment you left your apartment.
“They’re about to get red.” The force of opening and shutting doors behind you makes Maria jump. She stands outside wondering if she should follow after you, she hears the music abruptly stop and then shouting. She takes two steps towards the door and as she is about to put her hand on the cold handle she hears the sounds of fighting, something breaks, sounds of glass shattering hurt her ears. Her eyes get teary and she doesn't know what to do. She won't be able to physically help you, and she knows for sure Val wasn't alone in the house. She stands in the yard and takes out her phone, trying to pick up Pepper's number with shaking hands. She immediately picks her eyes up at the door at the squeaky sound of opening. You come out and really slowly close the door behind you, one hand on the handle and second one holding a bag. Contrast between you entering and exiting the house is making Maria question if the first one even happened. The first thing your friend notices is that your knuckles are actually red, but so is your face and your shirt. She comes to you really fast trying to take a better look at your face.
“Jesus Christ Yn! Are you okay?” She lifts her hand and you grab her wrist stopping her. You lift your head up, letting her take a good look at you.
“Let’s go, we are walking home.” She doesn't question you, she just grabs the bag from your hand. Maria doesn't comment on your busted upper lip, or greenish bruise appearing under your left eye, or the cut on your right eyebrow that drowns your vision with blood, or even the way you hold your ribcage. She listens to you, but at the same time being so worried about the state you are in she texts Pepper what happened, hoping that she will know what to do and how to help you. You are irritated with your clothes getting dirty and splitting one of your knuckles open. You don't feel pain, you feel satisfaction that you finally got something done, that you finally stood up for someone you love, adrenaline still kicking in keeping you painless, it's a good feeling, probably too good, but that's something you will worry about later.
On your way home Maria got information from Pepper to just bring you back and everything will be taken care of. You two are one street away from your apartment complex and both of you recognise Peppers car standing on the street. Not really feeling like talking, you tell Maria that you will just head upstairs and take a bath, maybe try to get rid of this already dried out blood from your face.
“Yn, you look like hell.” You are highly aware of that and Pepper’s comment is really unnecessary.
“Kate finished her job earlier today. I picked her up. I was planning on picking up Maria too and taking those beautiful girls somewhere out to eat.”
“Cool, have a nice time.” You can’t tell if that was addressed to you or Maria, or if Pepper was asking your permission, but your face hurts and you just want to go upstairs.
“I'm sorry I can’t leave Yn alone.”
“Yes you can. Go have fun.” You send Maria a smile forgetting how painful it is for you right now to use any face muscles.
“But-”
“Precious, Yn is right, also I don't think that she wants Kate to see her this way, am I right?”
“Very, I’ll be okay, have fun.” You give your friend a short hug and leave with Kate's bag. Pepper’s comment is right, you wouldn’t want any of your friends to see you this way, that's why you didn't want Maria to go with you in the first place, but you can't help feeling slightly hurt by that. Maybe it’s better for you to be left alone right now, coming up the stairs you worry about Darcy's reaction, she will for sure yell at you for being reckless.
You enter the apartment and set Kate’s bag in the washroom to immediately wash everything that it contains. You walk around the apartment only to find out that you are alone.
“Well, for the better i guess.” Talking to yourself is a normal thing, saying out loud a plan for the day, concerns or just letting your thoughts flow outside, airing out your head is something you enjoy with your loneliness. You are happy to be alone, nobody will see you being hurt, nobody will worry, take care of you or freak out at Val. You don't need that, just you and your solitude is enough.
You go to the bathroom and start undressing, a big mirror on the side wall allows you to see all of your injuries. Bruise is purple by now, and your face is covered in red, you are not surprised that Pepper had this disgusted look on her face. You slowly take your shirt off along with your bra, and just then you can see how dark is your right rib cage. Valkyrie took advantage of this one movement when you stumbled on something and fell in her house. She managed to deliver one kick onto your chest,at least you turned to the side in time and swept her off her feet. You would be happy to say that she looks worse than you, but you can’t, you promised Kate, so you protected yourself just as necessary. It doesn't matter how much you want to see her in pain, suffering for everything she has done. Val didn't have an easy life, but that doesnt give her a right to ruin others.
You decided on taking a warm shower and then getting some numbing ointment along with some food into your system. You are not sure if you had breakfast today, and your stomach is starting to hurt. You leave the foggy bathroom, covered in your towel and go straight into the kitchen. You start looking through the cabinets for a first aid box you have in the apartment, unaware of someone sitting in the living room.
“Need help Yn?” You jump at the sound of Natashas voice and a box with medicine falls to the ground spilling everything out. You hang your head low, without even turning around to make sure your towel stays secured around your chest and take two deep breaths. You hear Nat and Wanda get up and move closer to you. You turn around and to their surprise you are in much worse condition than they imagined when Pepper called them. Your face swells a little bit around your one eye, blood luckily only slowly going out of your lips and brow, but you have to still make sure to wipe it once in a while. Wanda covers her mouth with a shocked expression on her face, while Natasha looks just.. angry, but you can't tell if thats because of how you look or if that's just her face, to be fair she is always kind of angry. You don't have energy to play their game, to discuss, talk, talking hurts, you want them gone.
“Pepper called us.” Ah that explains it.
“Great, she is not here. I'll Let you know when she will come back.” You don't even try to pick up the box, you leave the kitchen and go to your room, aware of your half naked situation. You need to put some sweats on, and take care of yourself. It takes you just a couple of minutes and you are hoping that they are gone by now. You are going back into the kitchen and to your surprise they are sitting by the island, drinking tea and right next to them there is a third mug, yours green one.
“Yn, how are you feeling?” Wanda is concerned but you don't own her nothing, so you stay silent.
“Look-” she gets up from her seat to approach you by the fridge, you need to eat something.
“-I know you are not really fond of us-” You scoff at that under your nose, and you regret it immediately, when sharp pain goes straight into your head. Adrenaline is gone and you can feel everything now. You grab the side of your head trying to keep it at bay. “-but we want to help… let us help.” You think about it, you are tired but in too much pain to go to sleep. They picked the medicine up but you still have to look through it to find the right kind and ointment. Even thinking hurts now.
“Yn, can you please sit down?” Natasha’s voice is soft, you never hear her speak in this way, maybe once, just once when at Carol's party you caught one moment when Natasha and Wanda were alone. The way they were with each other, spoke to each other, praised each other, this is the voice Natasha used. You are not really sure what's the reason, maybe you are too tired for that right now, but you listen. You drag yourself into the living room and sit down slowly on the couch. Natasha is immediately next to you with a cup of tea and Wanda on the other side holding painkillers, a sandwich and numbing ointment, almost like they read your mind.
“Darcy told us what you might need, she called and also asked us to apologize that she is not here. Carol took her on a business trip and she will be back in two days.” You nod at the information, warming up because of the tea or maybe the fact that wherever Darcy is she has your back.
You take your painkillers, eat a surprisingly good sandwich and the last thing you need to do is use the ointment.
“Thank you for your help.” You make a move to take it from Wanda's hand but she moves it out of your reach.
“Let me.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Just no. Leave it okay?” You try to grab it again and in that moment Natasha puts her hand on the side of your body, just to try and get your attention, talk you out of being so stubborn, but she doesn't know about your ribcage. The moment her palm lands on your shirt, the sharp pain follows through your whole body, you scream a little not being able to contain your reaction in time. They both look scared while you bend down in half, trying to breathe normally and stop crying. You can’t hold it in, you try by biting your lip, which reminds you that it's still bleeding and the bite really didn't help. You get up, out of their reach, you stand in front of them, looking and feeling like a mess.
“Please just… leave. I'm going to be okay, I’ll handle it, just give me that and leave.” You clench your jaw like your life depends on it. Your tears are mixing with the blood coming out of your lip. Wanda makes sure to stand up slowly, treating you like you are about to break down, crumble into pieces and nothing makes you more pissed than this pity look in her eyes. She wants to say something, not really sure what, but her wife is faster.
“Lift up your shirt.”
“Pervert.”
“Yn.. this-” she points at you and moves her hand around “- all of this,as much as it's cute and admirable, it's pissing me off. You really think this is just about you?” You want to argue back, make your statement, not back down, you are just not sure if you have enough energy for that.
“No Yn, it's not. What do you think Kate will feel, after seeing her friend suffer because of her. And yes I know she didn't do it, but you fought for her, you really think she wont feel responsible for that?” You stay silent, feeling like a kid being scolded, you feel your chin getting wet with blood and tears. Your ribcage still hurts and makes it hard for you to breathe. You are ready for Natasha to start screaming at you, but she just let her wife take over.
“I'm going to lift your shirt up okay?” You don't fight them, you let her. She slowly lifts up your right side of the shirt revealing dark purple and pink bruises, covering at least three or four of your ribs.
“Oh..yn.” You look at Wanda and you see one tear falling down her cheek. You cover yourself up fast and take two steps back to put some distance between you two.
“Satisfied?” Natasha looks sad, and disappointed. You can't read them and that's the most frustrating thing for you.
“We have a personal doctor, she works for us and has a monthly payment, doesn't matter if she works or not. I called her and she will be here in thirty minutes. Will you please let her take a look at your ribs and face? I promise it won’t cost us anything” She is actually waiting for your answer, you look between them. Wanda with the ointment in her hands holding it so tightly, Natasha with a phone in her hand and this terribly worried look on her face. Another sharp pain goes straight into your head, you bend down to try and not react too much to it, but they can see.
“Yes…I…yes, please.” Natasha nods at you and you leave the room, uncomfortable with the situation, you decide to wait for the doctor in your bedroom.
It takes 40 minutes for the doctor to get to the apartment. At this point you took two more painkillers you had in your room, and you tried to just lie down in a way that hurts the least. You didn't check on Nat or Wanda, they can take care of themselves and as much as you would like to care even a little, the state you are in is hard to do so. Kate and Maria called you to check up on you. Of course Maria told everybody everything. You managed to pull some strength out of yourself to sound well, like you are doing okay ish at least. Seems like they bought it, you don't need them to worry more then they do already. Wanda came to your room to ask if the doctor could come in, you thought she would try to stay with the both of you but fortunately she left and gave you some space. Doctor said that it would be good to do xr-ay of your ribs but they don't seem broken, just really bruised. She stitched your eyebrow and said that your lip will heal on itself, you are relieved that you don't have to go to the hospital, that would probably ruin you financially.
After the meeting with the doctor you walk her out of the apartment making sure she wouldn't start talking about your state with Wanda and Natasha. Apologizing for the mess at the entrance you thank her and close the door behind her, wishing her a nice rest of her day. You are facing two issues now. First you need to get rid of both women from your apartment and get ready for your shift at the bar. You are not really sure how you will manage, but you have to somehow. You feel presence behind you and you are not ready for questioning, you are not ready for anything right now.
“What did she say?” Natasha is holding Wanda's hand tightly, trying to calm her down a bit.
“I'm healthy as a horse.” She just rolls your eyes and that somehow makes you feel bad.
“I'm sorry, first I really appreciate your help with all that, it means a lot. She said that I should be okay with my ribs, she stitched my eyebrow and lips should heal on their own.” Wanda reaches out with her hand. Very lightly she touches the area around your eyebrow, soft palm is feeling cold on your heated face. You don't know why but you let her get a closer look at your face, Natasha grabs your chin and picks it up slowly to take a better look at your lip. As she lets go her thumb touches the corner of your lips, and you feel her touch linger there even after her hands return to her side. It's hard to explain what's happening with you, pain mixing with the feeling of comfort, hurt mixing with soft touches, that's too much for today, or for the whole month, it's hard to tell, but you start crying out of nowhere. Silent tears escaping through closed eyelids, too afraid of what your eyes might be saying right now. You feel Wanda's hand touch the side of your head, lightly playing with your hair. Normally you would find it awkward. Silently standing at the entrance of the house, nobody is speaking, your eyes are closed and your fist clenched. You feel yourself lean your head in the direction of Wanda’s hand. The sound of your phone ringing brakes whatever was just happening between all of you and you open your eyes, looking scared and embarrassed.
“I need to pick it up. I'm sorry.” They follow after you into the living room. You look at your phone and the caller id makes your body shiver.
“What?” You start pacing around, you feel the eyes of both women follow your moves and you are making sure to stay extra careful with how you speak.
“No…Yes, at the end of the week.” You look at them sitting at the kitchen island, not even pretending that they are not listening.
“That's too much… I need to pay for school this month…No…Well, fuck you back… Listen, you take this or nothing at all, goodbye.” You hang up your phone and grab the side of your head, feeling the pain creeping up your lower back, coming from the tips of your fingers that hold the phone, through your spine into the top of your head. It's sharp but a little less after numbing yourself with pills. Your phone rings again and you are not having it today.
“WHAT?!” You regret not looking at your phone this time. “Shit, Steve, I'm sorry. Yeah my shift starts at six.” That makes Natasha stand up
from her chair. She is looking at you as you just said the dumbest thing she ever heard. “Yeah I understand but you know, Darcy can be dramatic. It’s not that bad… No! Listen, I need the money, okay? Don't ask Bucky, I'll be there.” He starts arguing, telling you how dangerous it can be for you, telling you that you might have concussion, or just some head trauma, that he can lend you the money for the day, he is really trying to keep you off of work. As you are about to talk back to him, Natasha takes your phone from your hand and tells Steve that you will call him back in a second. The audacity.
“You are an adult Yn, right? Then let's talk like adults.” That will be an interesting conversation. You are taking it into the living room, following Natasha with Wanda closing behind you. You sit down on the couch and they give you your mug filled with warmed up tea. It's even your favorite of the month, chamomile.Something about the smell and taste of it makes you feel calmer. You wait for one of them to start, not really knowing what they are even doing here at this point, you feel ashamed about how much you let them get close to you, maybe a little bit sick even, or maybe it's just because of your head.
“You should sue her, the girl that did this to you.” It's not a question and surprisingly it's coming from Wanda.
“No.” You know it might not make any sense to them but you have your reasons.
“I don't understand you Yn. Why? She hurt you, she did something horrible to your friend, why are you even trying to protect her.”
“I'm not protecting her.”
“You are, and you are putting Kate in danger because of it.” That makes you shut up and listen. For once you let them continue, really taking in what they are saying. The feeling of your throat closing up makes you feel like a kid again and you don't like it.
“You really think that she will be noble and won’t try to get you back, or Kate. If she would want to hurt you she has at least 3 ways of doing that.” You just look at her not really understanding what she means by that.
“Kate, Maria and Darcy. They are your soft spot Yn, you would always protect them or die trying. But sometimes you are fighting with somebody bigger than you, something bigger. How will you protect them if you are at work all the time, how will you protect Kate when she finishes her work at midnight and you are not with her. And even if you would pick her up everyday, you can't be at 3 places at the same time. You need help and we can provide it.”
“The question is will you let us?” They are looking at you in a way it's hard to describe.You feel the care they try to give but you can help but follow your thoughts and your gut feeling about the “why” of their intentions. What's in it for them? The thought of your friends getting hurt is crashing for you. It feels like the ceiling is slamming onto your chest making you unable to breathe. You hate feeling hopeless but you are not stupid, you can admit when your power or control over the situation goes thin with how serious things got. You need them and that is the worst thing that can happen to you. Needing somebody gives them control over you, your life, your decisions and it's just a matter of time when they will use it against you. You don't know when, but there will be this one moment, when one of them will cross your boundaries because you own them. They helped you, they were good and nice so it means that there is invisible space to hurt you, to make it even. You just need to trust yourself that you will be able to handle it when it comes, because it will, it always does. People prove you right, but you don't have a choice.
“I just want her out and far, can you do that? Can you help?” It comes out through your clenched teeth.
“We can” Natasha seems proud of herself, the sickening smirk on her face makes you believe that she is happy about this whole situation.
“How much will it cost me?” Everything has a price and you want to know it before you will agree on anything. Wanda tries to comfort you but you won’t fall for that.
“Yn you don't have to pay us anything.”
“I can't not pay, tell me how much.”
“Dinner, you said that it feels like work on our date. You own us dinner. “ Natasha states and you take a second weighing your options.
“Okay, deal. I'm gonna buy you dinner.” The idea is not your favorite but you are grateful for the opportunity to pay them back somehow, maybe it will lower down the feeling of guilt you have about them helping you.
“No,no. You're gonna cook us dinner, at our house, we have an amazing kitchen, wanda will gladly help you, she has amazing taste. right honey?” If Nat is trying to contain her excitement about having the upper hand she is not doing a very good job.
“Oh yes, we do.” Wanda answers by not taking her eyes off of you, especially your lips. You don’t know if she is trying to flirt with you or is looking at your cut, that's still bleeding a little, you feel the iron taste every time you run your tongue on it.
“Okay.” This is too important and you know it. Sometimes we have to admit when we lose, today you feel that way.
Next twenty minutes you spend on walking through the whole process of getting a restraining order against Valkyrie. It takes a lot of talking and paperwork but Wanda is amazing at her job so winning the case should be a matter of a couple weeks. You maily want it for Kate and your friends, you would rather not be on any record but Wanda is really stubborn about it, so you agree. After explaining and taking all the notes they have to take pictures of your injuries.You don;t want them to see you half naked but you understand the necessity of it. You ask Wanda to be the one taking the pictures, there is something about Natasha tak that makes you feel a little unsafe, you can't put your finger on it but it's there, and as hurt as she looks she doesn't argue. Evening came fast, it's getting dark pretty early at this time of year, so you made tea for all of you, as a small thank you towards two older women, that showed you a lot of kindness. You are all sitting in comfortable silence, they made you call off work which you understand, also Steve texted you he will kill you if you would come. You can feel their stare on you but you don't address it, keeping your eyes down on your green mug. The next thing that Wanda says takes you a bit off guard.
“I know you are scared, Yn... but you are doing just fine.”
“It doesn't feel that way.” You didn't catch yourself in time, you don't know where it's coming from but you feel yourself opening up.
“You are doing just fine.” Natasha joins in, your shoulders visibly stiff, mug in your hands lightly burn your palms with warmness but you can't let it go. You feel yourself slipping in some way, into the deeper part that is usually kept at bay, out of everybody, out of the outside world, inside of you, reminding you that it exists as clenched fists or stomach ache. You make yourself into a vessel that can only hold that much, each night in some controlling way you let go of some pain, stress or any hard emotions that are filling you up. Today you didn't get much time by yourself and it seems like you're overflowing, and you hate yourself for the stains you make with your sadness.
“It doesn't feel fine... why doesn't it feel fine?” It's funny how you think anyone can have an answer to that, even more, people that know nothing about you. You hate how pathetic you sound.
“It seems like everybody is making you reach unreachable standards, they expected too much so now you don't allow yourself any rest because you feel like you need to reach higher. But you are doing just fine, sugar. What you did today was heroic, maybe a little dumb, but you did it out of love and that was admirable” To your surprise what Natasha says actually makes some sense, and you feel it in your work, in your devotion to your friends, or in the ways you try to handle your struggles.
“It's true.. I think it's true.” You take your eyes from your mug and stare directly at Natasha, to make sure that the things you say flow through every single part of her, to see in her eyes that she actually understands. You swallow the pain, with the lump in your throat and as you reach for the raw part of you, knowing that you will regret it tomorrow you show both of them more true than before part of yourself .
“It is true Tasha.. and it changes nothing.” Your tone was the one ending this conversation. You see by Wanda's face that she wants to argue, tell you that you are just wrong, so, so wrong about this, but her wife grabs her hand and squeezes it two times with a light smile on her face. You stand up and put your mug into the sink. You move towards your room and they dont stop you. You hear them gather their stuff as you reach your door. You defeated them, proved one more time that nobody can save you from yourself. Good fucking job, be proud . You think to yourself while hearing the entrance door closing leaving you alone in an empty house. To be honest if you weren't stuck in your body you would do the same.