Chapter Text
Theodore - Teddy - was very kind. He was tall, handsome, and spoke with a very light, soft accent. He was an exchange student from Holland who was spending the year in London, studying and learning. He was just... nice, which was a pleasant, refreshing change for Liam. She had initially expected him to be a little arrogant and cocky because most of the alphas she had met - not socially, but just in general - tended to come off that way. He was polite, let her order for herself, and actually seemed to listen to what she had to say.
Apparently, they had met during a game of pong with Louis and Harry, which Liam knew was probably just their way of setting Liam up with someone. Even though she really didn't think she was ready to move on or start meeting new people, she was a little grateful for being introduced to Teddy that way. Maybe they were on to something. Maybe.
In the middle of listening to Teddy's joke about two alphas walking into a bar, Liam smelled something distinctly familiar. It made her cheeks flush, burning as she struggled to keep herself from turning around. What the fuck was Zayn doing here? Liam had half a mind to hiss and scowl, but laughed instead when her companion did. She didn't know what the punchline was, but she guessed it was funny. Maybe.
But... it wasn't Zayn herself, was it? Whoever it was smelled very, very strongly of need and mine and exuded alpha pheromones that were almost dampened by... what? A beta? Betas usually didn't smell like much of anything, at least, not to Liam. Maybe like lavender, or vanilla. Liam sipped her chai tea to mask her scowl. It had to be Zayn's stupid roommate.
They'd met, briefly, the evening before. By met, Liam meant that she'd spotted her talking to Louis and Greg, and her blood boiled, and she'd had her fourth (fifth?) shot of the evening in her indignation. What was she even doing there? It was nice to know who she was, anyways. Was she with Zayn now, intimately? And why was she at the coffee shop now? Maybe she needed coffee now, too... but could Zayn have sent her to spy on her? She was at the party the evening before, and it didn't quite make sense because Liam wasn't sure who exactly she knew at the party, but... well.
Liam tried not to think about her, because she was with someone who actually seemed interested in... her, in what she had to say. It almost made her feel special.
After their drinks and their light snacks, Teddy suggested a walk around campus, which Liam happily agreed to. Because it was fall, their campus had quite the cozy, lovely feel to it. The leaves were just turning all sorts of different colors, burgundy and gold and violet, and there was a distinct, bittersweet crispness in the air that chilled Liam in the most delightful way.
They'd been walking around in circles for almost an hour before Liam realized that she had to get home to finish a couple of assignments before class the following morning. Teddy hugged her goodbye and kissed her cheek, and asked if it was okay for him to call her some time, maybe, so they could do this again. She nodded, sheepish, and told him she looked forward to seeing him soon.
On the walk home, she felt... happy. She had thought it was going to be a total disaster. She was still too emotionally vulnerable and knew that it wouldn't be the best idea for her to be considering dating anyone because she wouldn't be a good partner. She was sure that going on a date would remind her of Zayn somehow, and that she'd burst into tears instantly and cause a massive scene and ruin it; or that the alpha or beta in question would turn out to be super creepy and weird and turn her off completely; or... well. Liam had just entertained a variety of reasons why dating wouldn't work out too well. It wasn't a good idea, she told herself, but... well. Teddy seemed nice, and at the very least, he could be a good friend. A very handsome, sweet, and gentle friend who could maybe be a good partner, but a friend only.
There was just... the spark wasn't there. Everyone has a spark with their mate or with someone they connect with, don't they? It was obvious between her parents, how they doted and loved on one another and seemed to be so in tune that they didn't even have to really speak to one another to know what was happening between them. And with Harry and Louis, that spark was manifested more physically than anything else, how they were always touching, always in each other's space and how they always seemed to find a comfort in each other. Niall and Jade were a full on fireworks display, love and joy and something heady and spiritual connecting them in an obvious way. They all understood their partners and seemed to just /fit/ well together.
Teddy was nice and they connected well as friends, but that was it. There was nothing else there between them, no raw magnetism that attracted Liam or made her feel like she absolutely had to see him again. Liam knew it would be platonic at best - Teddy probably felt that way, too.
During her trek up to her room, she wondered what it was. Teddy would be a good mate. Strong, attractive, kind, and he seemed to see something in Liam, seeing as he'd still wanted to talk to her despite how sloppily drunk she'd been at the party. Wasn't Teddy the full complete package? Why did Liam not want him?
Was she... frigid? Was she broken now because of Zayn, and unable to recognize what a good alpha looked like? It worried her. She sighed and kicked off her shoes as she walked into the small living room of her apartment, uneasy. Zayn had no right to affect her life like this anymore, and Liam didn't want to miss Zayn or even think about her, but she couldn't help the sudden hot tears that welled in her eyes.
She missed Zayn, she missed how she felt when they were together and missed how Zayn would say her name so reverently and lovingly even when they were having a row, how she patiently helped her deal with her own issues. She missed baths with her, late night fast food runs, telling her all her hopes in dreams in a cocoon of blankets in her bed in the middle of the night. She missed road trips, she missed the sex, the intimacy she'd craved all her life and had finally found in Zayn. She sunk against the door and wept, knees against her chest as she wrapped her arms around them.
Liam sat there and cried for a long time, finally letting herself mourn the end of a relationship she'd had with, what was to her, at least, probably the love of her life.
•
Louis eyed Harry as they stood in line, as well as the other people who milled in and out of the little shop. He watched different pairs and different dynamics, keeping a gentle, but reassuring, hand on the small of Harry's back. She was looking at the menu boards on the wall, black chalkboard with all sorts menu items in varying shades of green, pink, and purple. She swore by their cinnamon buns, and Louis had heard more than a handful of people highly recommend their protein shakes, so here they were for lunch.
He watched an alpha in maybe his mid to late thirties glance at the omega bathroom doors anxiously, and his curiosity was piqued until he spotted the small felt box in his trembling hands. Oh, for fuck's sake, Louis thought, or at least - well. He wanted to and maybe a few months ago, he would have. But it had been a solid year since Louis and Harry began to seriously and exclusively see one another and be in a relationship, and for months, Louis had been toying around with the same idea.
The redhead gulped and dug a finger into the collar of his shirt as he waited, still gripping the small box tightly. Louis isn't jealous, he's happy for the man, but he wishes he could gather the courage and confidence. And in public, of all places - what if he or she says /no/? He feels secondhand anxiety for the guy, tension rolling off the anxious man in waves. Harry bristles at it and leans a little into Louis, her thin fingers digging into the material of his shirt near his hip.
"Babe? Know what you want yet? I know you're on a diet for footie but we should really split that chocolate cake for dessert, don't you think?" Harry asked, looking up at him. The eyes that meet him are happy, happier than they were when they first met. The scheming and cunning look had been replaced by something like love and comfort, melty, gooey and it never ever fails to soothe Louis, even when he's calm and there's no real rage or fire burning inside him.
The way Harry's eyes fix on him always threatens to suffocate him, and Louis swears on everything he holds dear and near and close to his heart that he'll never ever get tired of it. Her eyes aren't just /green/, they're almost like emeralds, twin pools of green that glimmer and glisten, always glossy and soft, almost glassed over when they fuck.
"Lou?" He startled then and nodded, not really having listened or paid much mind to her request. Louis would give Harry anything, the Sun, the moon, a whole fucking galaxy or universe if she asked for it. She grinned and leaned into him to peck his lips, making him laugh a little as she snuggled into him.
As the line moves forward, Louis glanced over at the man again. He was fidgety and kept smoothing down his hair, rubbing his palms against the fabric of his jeans, adjusting his shirt. They made eye contact and Louis smiled a little before he realized that it was their turn in line and that he should probably order something to eat. He decided on the salad with a weird, funky name, but it seemed pretty good if the cashier's review of it was accurate. They ordered a milkshake to split, and then took a seat at a nearby table to wait for their meal, which came out not soon after.
It seemed like the whole restaurant stilled when the omega walked out of the loo. She had a scarf wrapped around her head, thin face calm and ambivalent as her eyes met her boyfriend's. She seemed much younger than her boyfriend, and certainly surprised when he knelt down on one knee and began his proposal. Harry's mouth dropped open in a soft coo, whispering about how cute it was to Louis, who watched the whole ordeal transfixed. The girl, who ever she was, was crying, hands covering her far as she nodded and said yes. They kissed and hugged, wrapped in their own special moment and time. People cheered and whistled and congratulated the happy couple.
"God, isn't that adorable? I hope they're happy together. They make a cute couple," Harry sighed, munching on her sandwich. She dabbed at her lips with a napkin, and then and there, Louis decided that they would be mates. He didn't know when, or how, but Harry would be his mate. He /wanted/ her as his mate, wanted to see her happy, and one day... maybe have a coffeeshop moment of their own. Maybe. "Have I got something on my face?" she asked softly, leaning in. "You're looking at me funny. Are you alright, babe?"
"Peachy," Louis said softly, wrapping his ankle around Harry's, reveling in the soft smile she gave him, the blush that suffused her cheeks and the dimples that pressed in, accenting her bright smile.
•
Zayn grunted softly as she rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. God, she was just happy that ordeal was finally over. Her ruts were mostly pleasant things. Even when she was younger and single she'd come to enjoy them because they were /meant/ to be enjoyable. Of course, the best rut of all had been the one she'd spend with Liam and any rut would fail to compare, but - well. This one had just been... lackluster, three days of tugging off and thinking about nameless, faceless bodies, about Liam mostly, and about just getting rid of all the desperation and anxiety she felt pooling inside her. But it was over, thankfully. Everything is normal, functional, and Zayn finally feels like herself again.
She's exhausted and sticky and sweaty, so she decides that it's high time she showers and cleans off all these weird, sticky stains. Louise is lounging in the living room with a cigarette and some fashion project when Zayn walks in, towel around her body.
"Alright, babe?"
"Yep."
"Think Ted's coming over, is that cool? He said he had the notes for your art history exam." Zayn squinted. God, Ted was such a fuckboy. He was nice to everyone and cool, kinda, but still a fuckboy because he loved to toy around with girls and had a string of them at his beck and call. Still, an art major like herself, Teddy and Zayn did have common ground in terms of their classes and artistic interests. That was as far as it went. Teddy thought they were friends, and secretly wanted to bang Louise. Like Zayn didn't know. Fucking prick.
Zayn smiled tightly and made a face. What the fuck? It smelled like Liam. Something smelled like Liam and Zayn didn't know why. It was probably just in her head, some sort of weird, freaky after effect of getting off to her for almost 72 hours straight.
Zayn was meticulous during her shower. First, she washed her hair, which was now somewhere between blonde and metallic grey. A weird experiment with Louise that had actually gone very, very well, and while Zayn did kind of miss her dark hair, she liked this color too. It made her look edgy and cool, and kind of fit her personality. After that was sorted, she scrubbed down her body with a purple loofah, letting the water rinse her off and taking a deep breath. Why the fuck could she still smell Liam? It was weird, faint and distant but still... Liam-y, like she was nearby, or had been with someone who was near her lately.
Which was weird, but - okay. Whatever. After she felt clean and renewed, Zayn stepped out of her shower, drained it, and wrapped herself in the robe that hung on a hook behind the door. She tied the sash, untangled her hair and did it up in two space buns before wandering out into the living room again. Why the fuck did Louise look so nervous? Had she begun to feed into that stupid idiot's soft lines and wilting accent? Goddamnit.
Zayn dressed comfortably, loose shirt, some underwear, some leggings, and was about to rejoin Louise in the living room when Teddy popped in on them. Teddy lived a floor above them. The scent which had thrown Zayn for a loop earlier now slapped her clear across the face. /Teddy/ was with Liam?
"Hey, toots," Teddy said, holding up the notes in a manilla folder. He grinned at her and tossed himself down in the couch across from Louise, and shot her a smile that made her skittish and pink. Oh, fucking hell. "How was your...?"
"Great," Zayn gritted, sitting down near him. Had Liam rubbed herself on his clothes or something? (She'd done that to Zayn's sweaters once, post heat. It was adorable and it always made Zayn feel fond when she thought about Liam, cute and naked, snuggled up in a nest of Zayn's clothes on her bed. Now, however, it made Zayn feel like she was about to fucking snap.)
"Got any beer?" Teddy asked, glancing at Louise. "Be a doll, won't you? Get us some beers."
"Don't have any," was Zayn's response, throat thick. She was going to kill him if he didn't fuck off soon. Her rut was gone, but she was still overly aggressive and testy, hormones working their way out of their system.
"Yikes. What crawled into your knickers, Z?" He seemed put off by her attitude, but Zayn couldn't be bothered to apologize.
"Nothing." She could feel Louise's eyes on her face, but didn't look at her. He had been with /Liam/, or with someone who sure smelled a whole lot like her ex girlfriend. Teddy raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and helped himself to one of Louise's cigarettes, tossing the carton back on the table after lighting it.
"Hey, so, guess what," Teddy said, changing the topic of conversation. "Guess who I met at the party."
"Who?" Her fingers were digging into the material of her leggings, nails pressing insistently into her skin. Was she shaking? She felt shaky.
"She's a fucking babe. Total lightweight, but she seems pretty alright when she's sober. Clingy, though, but what a fucking ass. God bless. Liam Payne, or some shit. I don't fucking know," Teddy rambled, blowing smoke up towards the ceiling. He glanced at Zayn, squinting a little at her. "Alright, babe? Don't look too good."
"I'm... I'm just tired." Zayn could barely speak, not trusting her own voice, shaky and weak. She was either going to cry or punch him if he kept talking. "Liam, you said?"
"Yeah, you know her?" Louise looked at Zayn, knowing full well the depth of the relationship between Zayn and Liam. She said nothing, sewing a skirt on a mannequin quietly. Zayn managed a small shrug. "Well anyway," Teddy continued, shrugging flippantly as he took a drag off the cigarette. "I think she's, like, friend's with Tommo's bird. You've probably met her. We're gonna go out this week. She's such a fit lass, you know? Tight little body. Could do without the voice, and all the fucking talking, but I can deal. Seems like she'll be a tough lay, but worth it. Like a challenge, you know?"
"Yeah? Great, uh - um," Zayn was going to smash something, she could just feel it. Or cry, which was a thousand times worse. "I've gotta study for that final, man. Thanks for the notes. Fuck off." She laughed weakly and he huffed but nodded, and wished her luck with her studying.
"I saw them today, when I got your scone things," Louise murmured after Teddy left, looking guilty as she frowned a little. "Seemed like a date to me. I wanted to tell you before he got here, but."
"Good, it's... It's good, you know? I... she deserves... she, um... yeah. Good," Zayn stammers, not even sure of what the hell she's supposed to say. Liam and Teddy? Really? What kind of infernal hell was she living in? And out of all people?
•
When Liam finally bumped into Zayn on campus, it took her by surprise. It seemed to be a genuine accident. Still, it was bound to happen, no matter how much Liam dreaded and looked forward to it at the same time. On the one side, Liam loathed the idea of seeing Zayn because it would reopen wounds that had healed, but on the other, clearly more delusional side, she'd wanted to see Zayn solely because visually taking her in brought her a great deal of pleasure and joy. Or at least it had.
Liam had been preoccupied with her books and sorting them into her backpack while at the same time talking to Louis on the phone about dinner that night with Niall and Jade at his place, along with Harry too. Of course. She almost dropped her phone when she ran into Zayn, quite literally, books and black backpack falling on the leaf littered sidewalk.
She hung up wordlessly, looking at Zayn. She felt like she looked like a wreck. It's been a busy week since the party and she'd barely had enough time to get herself together that morning, never mind her outfit or the sleepless, exhausted look she usually wore on her face. Liam's face burned as she made eye contact with Zayn.
She'd changed her hair color, and seemed to be smoking again, but she was still... Zayn. She knelt to get her things wordlessly, unable to say anything or look at her for much longer. She wanted to cry, and cursed the tears that pooled in her eyes. So much for telling Zayn off, then, like she'd planned so many times before when picturing this moment.
Zayn's fingers clasped over hers gently as she told her to calm down, smiling a little. She helped Liam gather her books and even sorted them into her backpack for her.
"Long time no see," Zayn said, eyes not breaking away from Liam's for a single second. The gaze wasn't intense or cruel or mean or even malicious, and neither are her words - they're mere facts. They really haven't seen each other in a long time.
"Your hair is grey," Liam stammered thickly, holding her bag to her chest. The smile Zayn gave her made her feel wobbly. She was going to faint. She was. Liam couldn't breathe and she can't think. She wants to hold Zayn and wrap herself around her tightly, but she also wants to huff and storm away. She stands there, rooted instead, as Zayn shrugs and tells Liam about her new hair color and runs a hand through it casually. "What - um - how are you? Good?"
Liam finds that they're sitting on a bench, and wonders how they got there. Zayn seems to have that sort of hold on Liam. She smells so /good/, too; after months of not being near her at all, to have her so close so suddenly throws her for a loop and really makes her dizzy.
"'M alright, I suppose," she said softly, crossing her legs and setting her large tote to the side. She's got paint on her, clay under her fingernails, and sunglasses in her hair. She seems happy. Is she with Shoshannah? Liam reprimands herself for still caring whether she is or isn't. They broke up. They can do whatever they want. "And you?"
"Okay." Her voice cracks, and Liam forced herself to stare at the setting sun instead of Zayn, trying to get her composure. She closed her eyes. She wasn't going to cry in public, much less in front of Zayn.
"Don't sound okay to me."
That small sentence is what makes Liam snap, and whatever sadness and depression she would have felt morphs into anger and frustration as she whips towards Zayn, brown eyes hot and angry.
Her anger builds slowly.
"Okay, and? Are you the feelings police? Isn't Shoshannah gonna get mad that you're talking to me? I know how she feels about me," Liam said dryly, struggling to keep her true emotions in check.
"Stop talking about Shoshannah, Liam. For fuck's sake, give it up. Why do you always have to bring her up?"
"Why do you always have to be such a fucking liar?" Liam countered, raising an eyebrow. "If you're seeing her, I don't care. It's none of my business anymore."
"Aren't you seeing anyone?" Zayn's tone is equally as testy and annoyed now. "Teddy, perchance?"
"Teddy? What - who the fuck told you about that? What the fuck do you care, anyways?" she hissed, squinting at her a little as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Huh? Aren't you busy spreading it open for Shoshannah?! Don't worry about little old me, Zayn. Do you really want to know how I am? I don't fucking sleep anymore! My hair is falling out, my weight is up and down, can barely fucking eat anymore the way it is! I'm just fine and dandy, no thanks to you!" She's standing and shaking now, hands gripping the straps of her backpack. "I'm not myself anymore, Zayn. /That's/ how I am. I'm not with Teddy. You're both proper knot heads and you can both fuck right off," Liam said, turning to go to her dorm.
She doesn't let herself think about the outburst until she's safely behind her bedroom door, having tossed everything onto the floor. It was a very public, angry outburst, and embarrassing... but it felt kind of good to tell Zayn those things, the /truth/ about it all. What did Zayn want her to say?