Chapter Text
Yugure led them up several sets of stairs and an ornate wooden door that Eritta couldn’t help but reach out and touch to be sure it was real. The design took up the entire set of double doors: a starburst with other patterns carved in and around it like the manadalas she’d seen on wall hangings in Ben’s apartment. Cyclamen flowers lined the center, the wood warm and variegated, almost like olive wood, but more fragrant, like a warm, spiced, date liquor. There was a seaside city and mountains marching into the sea, water so blue she had could not believe it was real, the soft singing of…
Eritta blinked hard.
The door wasn’t even painted. Had she been spelled by the door? Was that something that happened? But no, she knew what ether felt like. She knew what a spell was. It hadn’t been a spell.
“Are you ok?” Yugure asked softly, and Eritta realized that her hand was on the door, edging around one of the starburst’s points, caressing it gently. She was choked up, tears half-formed in her eyes for something about that wind, those smells.
She shook her head, blinked the tears away, and snatched her hand back in quick succession. “Yeah, no, I’m fine,” she said, and when Yugure paused, as if not quite sure whether she was telling the truth, Eritta forced herself to smile. The fog of whatever the door had done was fading away, like a bad case of déjà vu, and smiling dissipated it further. “No I just got a little light headed for some reason.”
“That’s…concerning.” Yugure said. “But if you want to meet him it’s your call.”
“I do,” Eritta said, glancing at the door again. The door didn’t have ether on it, she was surer of that now than she had been before. It still made her feel a little swimmy, like something itching from inside her, but she firmly looked away and the feeling went away again. Maybe it was a reaction to something else.
“All right,” Yugure said, and opened the door for her, calling into the short hallway, “Master Jinkun? We’re here!”
“Good.” The door shut behind her, but it was Jinkun’s voice that stole her breath. It wasn’t a response of desire, nor of fear, but it felt the same way – a sweep of almost horrified comprehension on the back of her neck that only grew worse as Jinkun spoke again. “Come in. I only have two hours.”
It was like someone had lit up her nerves with a touch of lightning, and Eritta swayed in place, staring through the open door unable to make an expression or form a coherent thought. It felt like the rising of bile in her throat but… brighter, not acidic, filled with energy and possibility. She’d once drank one of Ben’s energy drinks, and the waves of sudden existence from the caffeine taking effect, the blooming of awareness had been so intense she’d felt for an hour like she could taste colors. Now that same kind of awareness hovered at the back of her throat, pushing up against the base of her skull like an enormous pile of child’s scribbles.
Keep breathing. Maybe it would pass like at the door.
Keep breathing.
Breathe.
“Eritta?” Yugure’s voice was far away, but sounded concerned. She was too busy counting her breaths, teetering on the edge of something. It felt like something was trying to get in, scratching at her soul like a plaintive cat. Don’t let it through, don’t open the way, don’t let it fall, don’t let it go…
“Eritta!” Yugure tried again, and this time when she didn’t answer, they leaned through the door to speak to Jinkun, presumably at his desk inside the room. “Master, I think she’s waking up. Do you want to talk her through it or should I?”
“She’s fighting it?”
“That’s what it looks like.”
There was a soft rustle, footsteps which she felt, and the ball of existence, of energy, lurking in her chest, aching to burst out, only buzzed faster as the footsteps approached.
She was not prepared for the silk-clad man who slid through the door to stand in front of her. He was wearing something that looked like it was out of Chinese period drama: the robe was navy dyed silk with silver trim and a tree embroidered in white with pale green leaf buds and delicate pink flowers. Some part of her laughed but she could not let it slide out, her body was too rigid from holding back…whatever it was.
He was about the same height as Yugure, perhaps a little taller, and his hair was bright blonde, pulled back into a loose braid at the back of his head with bangs in front.
“Eritta Domian,” Jinkun said, inclining his head when she met his gaze. He was soft spoken, but his eyes quickly flicked from her to Yugure and back, and he nodded to the healer slightly as if to confirm what the healer had said. “My name is Jinkun Taiyou. The feeling you are experiencing is an ether awakening.”
She couldn’t speak, but the near hysterical laughter nearly bubbled up again, and her hands shook with keeping it back. That couldn’t be right. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel like the ether as she’d been experiencing it all this time. It was more like holding back pain. If she didn’t move, if she held herself just right, she wouldn’t feel the pain.
“We intended to do this when you had coached in the process, but it appears we are moving ahead,” Jinkun continued. “You feel a pressure of some kind? Something that you must hold just right or it will break? Some people describe a balloon that will pop on them, some a wave of water, some like clinging to a rope.”
She could not move to nod, but this time when she looked at Jinkun, it seemed as if he was outlined in sharper relief than the rest of the world, like he was more real, more present, than anything. Worse, fear and grief doused her when she looked at him. Why? She looked away.
Jinkun continued, his voice coaxing as if she were a skittish cat. “You don’t need to look at me, Eritta, but you need to let that feeling through. The pressure is the formation of an ether bridge between your body and your atman.”
“You remember what we talked about earlier?” In comparison to Jinkun’s voice, which felt like sweet torture, Yugure’s was cool spring water, and Eritta turned her eyes to the healer, finding the gold earring in his ear. “From the land to the body. Through the atman. Out by will. Awakening isn’t the out by will part. It’s the first time your atman connects to the land through your body. You can let it in. It won’t hurt us, and we’ll make sure it doesn’t hurt you.”
“Frankly, this might be a better awakening than one of the Institute ones,” Jinkun commented with a wry smile. The pressure grew so strong that she had to close her eyes and hold her breath for a moment, desperately trying to convince herself to listen, to understand what they were saying. “Most people don’t have a demigod present for their awakening.”
“Exactly,” Yugure chuckled. “Let out that breath, Eritta, try to get your breathing back to normal. I’m going to steady your shoulders, ok? I want to be able to catch you easily.”
The healer’s hands on her shoulders were cool and firm, and Eritta closed her eyes again, concentrating on breathing. It didn’t feel like she’d be fine if she let the pressure go. It felt like she would be burned out, crisped to a cinder. It felt like she would be letting her fingers be jammed into an electrical socket. But the more rigidly she held the power, the more electricity it created between her mind and her body, and the worse it felt.
Jinkun’s voice only made the leap into blackness feel more dark, and yet she listened keenly. “Eritta, have you ever made a dam in a puddle? Perhaps with sand, or mud? If you make a tiny stream through the top, water will drip through at first, then run through and erode the dam until suddenly, it all falls away. This is not the trickle, nor the stream. This is the moment it all melts. It is a deluge, Eritta, but rest assure that the river upstream is clear and steady. You will not hurt us with that deluge, Eritta. You will not hurt yourself. Let the flood go through so the river can steady.”
When she was six, she’d clung to a high dive board for almost two minutes while her father wondered if he should go and get her. Her grandfather had called up. Take your time, Eritta! After a storm, the sailing is smoothest!
It wasn’t the height of the board when she stood on it which scared her. Nor the exhilaration of falling, knowing that the pool would catch her. No, the hardest, most terrifying part was the moment of intent between standing and looking over the pool and being suspended in midair; the transition.
On the high dive board, the pool had been there to catch her. Eritta forced herself to open her eyes and look at Jinkun again, the strange agony of his presence. She tried to feel for Yugure, standing behind her with his hands at her shoulders. She trusted Yugure. Jinkun was confusing, but with Yugure there…
Just let it come through. That was all she had to do. Let the dam break so that the river could form properly.
Eritta found a deep breath, grit her teeth and forced herself to forget what she was doing, just for half of a moment. It wasn’t so much about building anything, so much as it was about stopping herself from propping something up.
And the moment she looked away, the moment she forced herself to stop concentrating so hard on keeping still and silent, keeping the energy at bay, it all came away, whiting out her vision with a brilliant flash of golden white.
There was a roar, then a thunderclap so loud that her ears began to ring. Someone yelped – it was probably her, and she lost her footing, slumping into Yugure’s arms.
“I’ve got you,” Yugure said, “You’re good. You’ve got it.”
Half blinded, a wave of exhaustion slammed into her, and she slumped to the floor, head landing on Yugure’s knees, where the healer began almost immediately to stroke her hair. “Well, that was exciting, wasn’t it?” they said, and it sounded like they were talking to Jinkun.
“Lightning is not the guess I would have made from her blood test,” Jinkun’s voice said, and without the swell of ether pressing on her psyche, he sounded much more normal, with a tone a little deeper than Yugure’s and an accent she couldn’t quite identify. “But it’s possibly good news for the ward.”
“I think she mentioned she was considering medical school on Earth, too,” Yugure replied.
“Too ‘spensive,” Eritta forced herself to mumble.
“Too what?” Jinkun asked.
“Expensive,” Yugure clarified and chuckled. “You woke up quickly.”
“Not sleepy,” Eritta said, though a yawn itched at her throat. “Just… woozy. What happened?”
“A very semi-controlled ether awakening,” Yugure chuckled. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch it faster, Eritta. I should have realized way back at the door what was going on.”
“Ether can be drawn into the body early in life,” Jinkun said. “But it doesn’t go on to the atman until awakening – when the bridge between the body and the atman becomes whole and solidified. Usually, we try to set it off intentionally… it's a more comfortable experience. But in your case, I suppose the stress and excitement of the last few weeks…” he glanced up at his entryway ceiling, and when Eritta followed his gaze, she found black scorch marks etched into the smooth stone.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” Eritta said. “I-I-“
Jinkun cut her off. “I promised you would harm no one, and you did not. Plus…” he waved a hand. The scorch marks disappeared as if wiped off by movie magic.
“I guess we’d better explain Demigods and Gods next,” Yugure said with a chuckle as Eritta gaped at the clean ceiling.
“I’ll make tea and get some food,” Jinkun said, standing. He smiled again. “Welcome to Meratain, Eritta.”