Chapter Text
‘You might have had a point, you know?’
He turns to his right to glance down at her as they walk along the sidewalk.
‘About what?’
‘I’m not used to the kind of team you guys are.’
‘Well, I’m sorry to hear that.’
He means it. She deserves to work with good people. Hates the thought of her working alongside people who don’t always put the team first. Who might not work in a way that prioritises her safety as they should do.
‘Which way?’ she asks him when they get to the corner, and he gestures to head right. There’s usually a cart at the end of the next block that’s pretty good and it gives them longer to talk than heading to the place across the street from the district.
‘How long have you been with them?’
‘Robbery Homicide? About eleven months.’
Eleven months. He really has been an asshole to her. He’s been a detective for nearly six years now. Thinks of how he was less than a year into the role and wishes he could go back in time to the start of this week and do things a little differently.
A little better. A little smarter. A little more ruled by his head.
‘And you like it?’
She dips her head from side to side in a so-so motion. ‘I don’t know. I like some of the cases, but I don’t think it’s somewhere I’ll stick long term. How long have you been with Intelligence?’
‘Little over four years now. Worked Organised Crime before that.’
‘Oh yeah?’ she asks, genuinely interested. ‘How’d you find that? I heard a rumour they might be adding another detective in the coming months.’
She’d be a great fit there. Her undercover work would make her a strong candidate. He tells her as such and he’s kind of endeared by the flush that spreads across her cheeks.
‘I liked it there. Not that I can put in a good word for you. My old sergeant still holds a grudge that I left and came here.’
‘Must have wanted to keep hold of you then.’
He shrugs. Maybe. He’s never really thought about it like that. Just thought it was more of an inconvenience that he left quite abruptly.
There’s a queue of about two or three people at the coffee cart given its proximity to the lunchtime rush and they step into line.
‘You want anything to eat?’ Jay asks nodding to the snacks available on display.
She narrows her eyes at him. Damn it, they really are painfully blue. ‘What if I say I want one of each?’
Her response makes him laugh. ‘I’d say your dentist won’t thank you, but okay. Nothing I don’t deserve.’
She nods accepting his response with a smile. ‘I wouldn’t say no to some chocolate actually. Just not the whole cart.’
‘Get whatever you want,’ he says, and he thinks that it confirms what he thought - she has a sweet tooth.
He places their coffee order as she hands over the chocolate and it feels good, right, that he knew her order just as he had earlier and maybe that does make him a touch pathetic. She’s leaving anyway. What difference does it make?
They walk back to the district in easy conversation, and he smiles at the way in which she devours the chocolate she’d picked up.
And it feels easier again when it’s just the two of them. When he’s not trying to navigate being caught off guard by her in the bullpen. He likes her. Sure, she knows exactly how to get him riled up, but she’s smart and funny. Curious and independent. A riot of contradictions.
She’s gorgeous too.
Kind of hard not to notice that fact.
Somehow seeing her looking cross with herself for her hair blowing in the caramel of her chocolate bar only highlights this fact to him.
And that’s the crux of it. He hasn’t felt anything for anyone in the longest time. Not anything beyond basic attraction at least.
Sure, he’s gone home with girls a couple of times after a night out but never because he wanted anything more than a night and if he’s honest, he’s not hugely into the one-night stand kind of life either.
He did that plenty when he got out from the army; he doesn’t want to go back to that person.
And each to their own, but it’s not him anymore. Never really was in the first place.
But there’s something about Hailey and it’s terrified him this week. Made him act like an asshole which he has no excuse for. He’s a grown man.
And the simple truth is, he should be able to handle himself around a colleague he happens to find beautiful but he thinks he’s failed pretty miserably at that this week.
---------
As it turns out, the kid was the key to getting to Span and yet it doesn’t feel quite as she thought it might when she hears Corey and his child advocate agree that he’ll provide a testimony against Span.
Kevin has done a great job in there and what the boy is sharing is true and yet…
She rests her forehead on the glass.
It’s a death sentence. The kid will quite literally be signing his life away. Span is too well connected and too seasoned in killing to let such a betrayal slide.
‘You okay?’
She turns to see Jay standing in the doorway to the observation room. Concern on his face.
She nods. Straightens up a little.
‘He agree to it?’ he asks quietly coming to stand beside her.
‘Yep.’
And she makes the mistake of glancing up to her left. Sees the understanding in his eyes. He gets it.
‘Never feels quite like you’d hope, does it?’
‘He’s just a kid, Jay. I dunno, it just –‘
‘Doesn’t feel right,’ he finishes simply.
‘That’s because it isn’t.’
They both wheel round at the sound of Voight’s voice before he comes to stand beside them looking in through the glass. ‘I’m not criticising anything this team has done but we know we’re killing that kid in there and I just don’t know that I can make my peace with that. Not like this.’
Both Hank and Jay’s eyes land on her. She’s been the driving force behind this case. She’s been the one so desperate to get him – to nail Span’s ass and get him back off the streets. To stop him from hurting people.
‘You’re right. So, what do we do?’
--------
They bring him in. Bring him in regardless. Despite the fact that Voight took the kid downstairs for ten minutes and when he came back, he retracted his whole statement.
And it’s right. It’s the right thing to do.
He’s still a child.
But she hates that Span will get away with this again.
They can bring him in for questioning though. The boys worked at his lot. It’s enough to ask the bastard to ‘help’ with their investigation.
But there’s got to be something. Some way they can still get him. She’s poured through the files once more but it’s not there. Or of it is, she’s too exhausted to find it. They don’t have him without Corey.
She sets her pen down in frustration and looks across from her at the empty seat Jay had vacated around twenty minutes ago when she was on the phone. She can make out he, Al and Antonio huddled together around Al’s desk behind the cabinets.
Decides to go and top up her water. She’s just taking a sip from her bottle when there’s a tap on the door and she turns to see Antonio smiling at her.
‘You’re gonna wanna hear this.’
She turns and follows him out. Sees Voight head out of his office too as they watch Jay pin a series of photos on the board.
‘They’re the photos from our surveillance,’ Hailey notes.
‘Yep, they are,’ Jay says easily. ‘But you know what they show? They show Span contributing to the delinquency of and distributing of alcohol to minors which as it turns out, is a clear violation of his parole.’
Hailey’s mouth falls open a little and her eyes meet Jay’s. ‘This gets him?’
His eyes stay on hers. ‘This gets him.’
Antonio comes forward with the paperwork linked with his parole. Hands it to Voight who scans in and nods.
‘Well, it’s not quite what we wanted but this will get the guy off the streets until his sentence finishes up at least.’
Antonio hands a second copy to Hailey. It will. It actually will.
‘How did you guys even?’ She knows it’s not the most coherent of sentences but Jay seems to grasp what she’s getting at and maybe part of her is a little frustrated with herself too. A little frustrated she hadn’t thought of it herself, but she’s overtired. She knows this. Between this case, trying to slot into the team and fighting feelings she doesn’t want to be having, this week has been a lot.
‘You, actually,’ he says with a smile as he perches on the edge of his desk.
‘What?’
‘When you were on the phone before, I heard you mention the term ‘technicality’ when you were chewing out the guy on the other end of the line and I just thought it was worth following through.’
‘Well, it’s paid off,’ Al says easily clapping Jay on the shoulder and he, Jay, he’s really not the douchebag she thought he was. Maybe even wanted him to be. Because here he is with a bashful smile on his face at being praised.
‘Okay, good work. Great work. I need to call in the change in events, so he’ll have to stew a while longer. I imagine we’ll have some visitors storming up the stairs shortly when I tell them about Corey.’
He’s not wrong. She knows it won’t go down well with the prosecutors.
‘The rest of you, make sure this is all water-tight and then we’ll move.’
And Voight is right about the lawyers and the brass arriving but whatever happens behind his office doors happens swiftly and it’s about fifteen minutes later that he emerges and addresses the bullpen.
‘Okay, we got the green light for the parole violation.’
‘That’s good, boss,’ Adam says.
‘Well we’re not flavour of the month down at the DA’s office now, but it is what it is. Halstead, Upton - take a crack at Spence.’
She turns to look at Jay and he looks a little surprised too. They’ve hardly been the most consistent pairing this week.
‘Sarge?’ she asks.
‘Go for the kill but we both know we won’t get far - then drop in the violation. It’s something at least.’
She nods and rises to stand as Jay does. He hands her the file and she frowns at him.
He’s the ranking officer in this unit. The one who actually works here.
‘It’s your case,’ he tells her with a soft smile, and she knows she holds his gaze for a beat too long but after how this week started, after how they started this week off, it means something.
Means a hell of a lot.
She swallows hard and takes the file from him. Pulls her shoulders back. ‘Let’s get this guy.’
And Span is as slippery as she expects him to be. That smug air surrounding him that frankly she’d like to knock off his face. People are dead because of him. Children.
And they’ve tried, both she and Jay, but he’s not gonna trip up. And Jay is good. Good in the box. The kind of ease that only comes with experience rolls off him and this side of things is a little newer to her but she’s not a rookie. She’s just not been trusted with these things like this unit seems to implicitly trust its members.
She goes with the parole violation. Spreads out the photos before him and watches Span’s smile falter somewhat as she talks through the photos.
Jay leans back in his chair beside. Folds his arms across his chest. ‘So really, she’s got you.’
‘On what?’
‘Oh it’s minor, for sure,’ he says easily, ‘but there’s clear photographic proof of you violating your parole order. And more than that, it buys time, time for us to get to work, and when you get out, you can be damn sure you’re on our radar.’
And she can’t lie, there’s a certain satisfaction in seeing the man start to squirm. ‘I’ll file a complaint.’
‘For doing our jobs?’ she chimes in. ‘You’ll struggle to get far with that.’
‘It’s harassment.’
‘It’s due diligence and if you’d have stayed on the right side of the law…,’ Jay starts only for her to take over.
‘Well, we wouldn’t have had to come around, would we?’
‘I’ll be out in eighteen months,’ he spits at them. ‘I’ll just think of this as a little vacation.’
‘Oh, you do that,’ she says stacking the photos back together and then tapping them on the table for good measure. ‘But when you spend a dollar of that money from the bank, and we know you will, then we’ll be knocking on your door.’
They both push their chairs back and Jay smiles down at the guy.
‘Told you. She’s got you.’
‘See you around, Span.’
And yeah, it feels pretty good to shut the door on that scumbag.
They step out into the corridor and she turns to face him. ‘Whoah,’ she says shaking her arms out from the adrenaline rush.
‘Yeah, that didn’t feel too bad,’ Jay smiles at her. ‘You did great in there, Hailey. Really great.’
She feels herself flush under his praise but she can’t look away from him. From his smile. From the way his eyes settle on hers. Working together like that felt good.
‘Yeah, you too.’
Voight steps out from the observation room and looks between the two of them. A hint of something on his face that she can’t read as she and Jay both take a step back not quite realising how much they’d gravitated into the other’s space.
‘You two were a hell of a team in there.’
And something about it being said out loud causes her to straighten up. Feels Jay do the same beside her. She’d known it already. Had felt it when they’d been in there. The rapport, the ease, the way she almost knew what he was going to say next.
‘I’ll go start the paperwork,’ he says and disappears down the corridor back toward the bullpen.
She doesn’t realise she’s watched him walk away until Voight clears his throat.
‘Good job in there, Hailey.’
‘Thank you, Sargeant. I appreciate that.’
She heads back past him following in Jay’s direction, but she doesn’t feel quite ready for the bullpen yet either. Makes a beeline for the locker room instead needing a minute to herself.
--------
‘Oh hey, I thought everyone was gone.’
He looks up at her words as she steps out of Voight’s office looking a little taken aback. He’s glad they finally got this case wrapped for her. If maybe not in the way she wanted.
‘They all headed to Molly’s. Celebrate finishing the case.’
She quirks a brow at him. ‘You not in the mood?’
‘Said I’d wait and extend the offer to you.’
‘You sound thrilled about that.’
He smiles at her words. The kind of customary no nonsense he’s coming to expect. ‘No, I’m sorry. Guess I’m just tired. You should go.’
‘But you’re not gonna?’
He watches her flip the lamp off on her desk and log back into the computer to properly shut it down.
‘I spent two nights this week with those idiots,’ he says affectionately. ‘That’s enough for this week.’
She laughs then as she turns off her computer.
‘I’m kind of tired too. Does that make me old?’
‘Well, it certainly makes me old if you’re old,’ he quips rising to stand.
She makes an adorably awkward noise and gathers the remaining things from the desk before slipping her leather jacket back on.
And he’s not sure if it’s the little, slightly longing, glance back she does at the bullpen as they head for the stairs or the realisation that she’s walking out of there and not returning that makes it sink in.
That she’s leaving.
And he really doesn’t want this to be it. He needs more time.
‘You wanna grab a quick drink?’ The words leave his mouth before he can even really comprehend them.
‘I thought you’d had enough of them?’ she smiles as they start to make their way down the stairs.
‘I might not have enough energy for Molly’s, but I can do a drink.’
‘With me?’
He pauses where he stands with the gate open at the bottom of the stairs and turns to face her.
There’s certainly surprise there but there’s something else too. Possibly the same something that has his heart beating a little quicker when her eyes meet his.
‘Sure, you know - you finally got the guys.’
‘We finally got them. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to get there without the team.’
He turns to face her, and she smiles a little sheepishly before ducking under his arm holding open the gate for her. ‘Give me two minutes.’
He watches her make a beeline for the front desk and Platt who he throws a hand up in goodbye too. He heads outside and really he’s not too sure if that was a yes to grabbing a drink or not. He’s never too certain with her.
He lingers by his truck for a couple of minutes when he hears the door go once more and looks up from his phone to see Hailey step out and make her way over to him. Surprise a little evident on her face that he’s still here. That he’s waited for her.
As she walks over to him, he can see that her cheeks are flushed prettily and he’s not sure if it’s from the chill that sits heavily in the evening air or from her conversation with Platt.
Regardless, she’s beautiful when her eyes land on him and he thinks he can see the same mix of hesitation and anticipation in her eyes that he feels himself. It catches him off guard and her lips come together in a smile.
‘Still maybe wanna grab a drink?’
There she is taking him by surprise again. Beating him to the punch.
‘Yeah, yeah that’d be good.’ He tells her the name of a bar a few blocks over that’s a little more polished than Molly’s but keeps the same homey feel.
They’re unlikely to run into anyone they know there either and he doesn’t spend too long dwelling on why he’s made that choice.
‘Okay, yeah. I think I know where you mean.’
‘Follow me down there,’ he tells her easily and she nods at him before turning away to her car and when he does pull out the lot and heads down the street, he glances in his rear-view mirror, and he might be wrong since it’s dark out, but he could swear she smiles when he meets her gaze.
--------
She’s not entirely sure what she’s doing here.
Sitting in a bar just the two of them. She genuinely didn’t think they’d be here at the start of the week. Nor did she think she’d feel so happy in his company either.
The last half an hour has had her smiling more than she has in a long time. He’s funny in a kind of dorky way that she wouldn’t expect from how he conducts himself at work.
And the fact kind of infuriates her a bit because she needs to find reasons to not to keep looking at his lips, not more reasons to feel drawn to him.
She watches as he picks at the label on his beer bottle before he glances up at her. ‘I really didn’t mean to overstep in the bullpen earlier.’
‘You already apologised.’
‘Doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad though.’
And they’re genuine, his words. They were earlier and they are now. She meets them with a joke because it’s easier. Safer.
‘So, you do have a heart?’
‘Ha ha.’
‘Seriously, Jay - it’s fine. Heat of the moment thing. I might have done the same in your shoes.’
‘Oh, so you’d be worried about my safety, huh?’
She screws one eye shut. ‘Is that what it was earlier? You were worried about me?’
And she sees the heat creep up his neck. Can’t help but bite her lip as she turns back to her own beer. It’s not just her feeling like this.
‘See I’m not sure I actually said those words,’ he smiles a little boyishly.
‘Eh, the implication was there. Maybe you don’t hate me after all.’
That gives him reason to pause. He tilts his head at her and though his tone is still light, his expression shifts a little. ‘I don’t hate you, Hailey.’
‘I mean, maybe you’re right. On the sliding scale of loathing, maybe we’re closer to vaguely disliking right now rather than actual hate.’
He shakes his head at her, fighting a smile. ‘You’re wrong,’ he says fixing her with a stare she can’t look away from. ‘I’d say the scale is at tolerate if I have to.’
‘You asshole!’ she laughs and he looks all too pleased with himself before taking another sip of his drink and then his eyes settle on her once more. She sees his tongue dart out to wet his lower lip. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
He dips his chin and looks up at her. Eyes sparkling. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
She narrows her eyes at him, but it only makes him smile and shake his head at her before he speaks again.
‘You’re so damn suspicious of everyone.’
‘Well, you’re damn frustrating.’
‘Oh I am, huh?’
‘Mmm hmmm,’ she hums and takes another sip from her drink needing something to do because she finds herself becoming increasingly distracted by the scruff on his face and the way the maroon button up he’s wearing stretches over his arms.
One of his eyebrows lifts in silent question. ‘Not sure if that’s a compliment.’
‘Oh, it’s not. There should be no wondering there.’
He laughs. Tilts his head back and she watches as his adam’s apple bobs.
The sight makes her swallow and she kind of hates that fact.
But she also wouldn’t mind seeing the sight again.
‘You okay over there, Upton?’ he asks and the grin that spreads across his face is a little knowing. More than a little.
He knows exactly where her mind was drifting to.
‘Shut up.’
There’s a pause as his eyes lock on hers. He tilts his head closer and she hates how she does the same. Leans into his space a little.
His voice is low when he speaks again.
‘You gonna make me?’
She scoffs but then his eyes drift to her lips and she thinks, fuck it.
She grabs the front of his shirt and hauls him close smashing her lips into his.
There’s the briefest of moments where he’s surprised and doesn’t move against her. The briefest of moments where she questions if she’s just made a monumental fool out of herself and needs to sprint for the exit.
But just as her fingers start to loosen in his shirt, his hand tangles in her hair holding her close, tilting her head as his tongue teases open her lips.
And god, the simple act of kissing him is overwhelming. He smells so good when he’s this close. Feels even better as his lips move against hers and somehow kissing him makes every part of her come alive.
Kissing him feels like kissing someone for the first time. Her body alights with nerves and want and are those god damn butterflies in her stomach?
She’s furious with herself for feeling like this about a guy she shouldn’t want, and yet it feels kind of right too.
They eventually pull away coming up for air and he looks as wrecked as she feels right about now.
‘We’re in the middle of a bar,’ he smiles a little sheepishly.
She takes a steadying breath. Decides to just go for it. How can she not when simply kissing him feels like that? When he makes her feel like that.
‘You wanna maybe change that?’
He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and sets his card down on the bar to pay their tab. She takes that as a yes. A smile winding its way onto her face.
And suddenly it all feels easy when he smiles at her too. Makes her feel like maybe they should have just done this when they met. Might have made this week a lot simpler.
(Though it also would have been a strange way to greet someone at a crime scene.)
She’s not sure why she tells him to follow her to her place. She’d always rather hook up at a guy’s place because then she can leave when she wants to.
But she glances behind her in her rear-view mirror and can’t help but smile at the sight of his truck following her.
He parallel parks into a bay beside when she pulls up outside her place and she feels oddly nervous all of a sudden when she gets out her car and finds him waiting for her leaning against the side of the truck.
She gestures with her head for him to follow and walks up her front walk with him close behind.
As soon as her key is in the lock, she feels his hands on her waist from behind. As she steps inside, he follows her, turning her around to press her against her front door. He crowds her space with a smile on his face and kisses her again.
And it makes her feel like she had in the back in the bar. The touch of his tongue against hers making her want him. Want this. And all other thoughts leave her mind when he kisses her like that. When his hand tugs the hair at the back of her neck like that.
‘Jay,’ she breathes out as his mouth moves down her neck.
He pauses and lifts his gaze to meet hers.
‘You okay? I can stop?’
She smiles at his words. Under no circumstances is that what she wants.
‘I don’t want you to stop.’
He cradles her cheek in his hand and runs his thumb over her dimple. His eyes following the movement of his hand.
‘God, I’ve wanted to do that all day.’
It’s such a soft thing to say. Such a soft thing to do. So at odds with the way he’s just pressed her up against the front door so she can feel how much he wants this.
But if there’s one thing she knows about him, it’s that he seems to take her by surprise at every turn.
‘You have a nice place,’ he whispers against her lips making her laugh.
‘You can literally only see the inside of my door right now.’
‘Want to show me around then?’
She pulls his lips back down to hers and pushes her hips against his. ‘In a second. I’m good right here for a minute.’
They do find their way to her bedroom. He’s now down a shirt and she can’t help but stare at him: the man is chiselled.
He gives a cursory two second glance around her room. ‘Yep, nice. Told you,’ he says before reaching for her hips once more and she laughs before his lips find her ear. Before he nips at her earlobe and whispers to her that she has too many clothes on right now.
She shucks out of her jacket letting it land on the floor with a thunk and then pulls her t-shirt up and over her head.
‘You’re gorgeous.’
She doesn’t have time to process his words before he’s kissing her once more. Before she’s dragging a hand down his back that makes him hum into the kiss. Before he reaches around to unclasp her bra as he drops to his knees before her and guides her to sit on the edge of the bed. Before his tongue teases across her chest and then to her nipples making her gasp and hold his head closer.
She feels like she’s on fire and they’re still half clothed. Feels like she might never have enough of how he makes her feel and he’s barely touched her.
Her head falls back and his name leaves her lips on a groan as he leaves a wet trail of kisses in his wake across her chest.
‘Fuck, Jay.’
He rises to stand and leans down cupping her face in his hands and kisses her soundly as she reaches for his belt. As good as this feels, she wants him. Knows they both need a release from whatever has been building between them this week.
They make quick work of shucking him out of his jeans and she stands to unbutton her own as he helps her to peel off her jeans. Both of them laughing at how they catch around her ankles and she has to hop out of them.
And in the dim light of her room, she vaguely registers that it shouldn’t feel this easy. There shouldn’t be laughter like this in amongst the desire and the wandering hands. Not with someone she’s known for less than a week. It all feels too good and she can’t stop herself when she reaches a hand into his boxers making him curse.
He stills her hand and looks her in the eye. A silent warning that she needs to stop or this is going to be over pretty quickly and she smirks before pulling them the rest of the way down his legs.
He lifts her up and carries her onto the bed lying her down in the middle of her sheets. Kisses her as he moves over her. And his body this close feels like electricity through her veins.
She threads one arm around his neck and the other presses against his ass pulling him closer to her. The hand that isn’t keeping his weight supported above her trails down her side and across her stomach until it reaches the top of her underwear, and he pauses kissing her. Both their eyes fall open and she looks at the silent question in them and nods.
She’s sure.
His fingers dip lower and her hips rise towards his. She bites her lip to stop herself from crying out. Holds an arm over her face but he halts his movement and gently lowers her arm away.
‘Hey,’ he murmurs softly. Waits for her eyes to find his. ‘Don’t do that. I wanna hear you. Tell me what you like, Hailey. Tell me what feels good for you.’
That, she thinks. Those words make her feel good.
Christ, when was the last time someone asked her that?
His fingers start to move once more and a noise escapes her that she didn’t give permission to.
‘That?’ he asks her quietly.
‘Yeah, that.’
And she finds what makes him feel good too. What makes his eyes roll back in his head and what has him breathing unsteadily. What has his fingers tightening on her hips and her thighs.
And then they find it again and again.
And it’s later, much later, when they’re still tangled up in her sheets that a little clarity comes back to her. She glances at the man lying beside her. At the very naked man who she’s merely been talking to for the last twenty minutes and she knows she needs to say it.
The realisation brings a sinking feeling to her chest because she knows he’s not going to look at her the same as he is right now.
And she’s been selfish wanting to keep that. Been selfish when it’s felt this good.
She lets out a sigh and its heavy. Weighted. Looks up at the ceiling before she speaks.
‘Voight offered me a spot.’
The silence that follows is loud. She feels him shift beside her. Feels him pull back a little. Straighten up.
‘In Intelligence?’
She nods. Glances to her left and watches his face with care but his expression gives little away.
‘Wow. That’s huge. Well done.’
He smiles at her, but it feels a little hollow. She gets it.
‘I haven’t accepted it yet,’ she says quietly, shuffling so she can see him better.
‘Okay.’
‘Say it, Jay.’
He presses a hand between his brows. ‘You didn’t think to tell me that before we slept together?’
And there it is. Nothing more than she deserves and he’s not even being unkind about it which somehow makes it worse.
Her voice is more emotional than she intends it to be when she speaks again but she didn’t mean to hurt him and she thinks that she has. ‘I didn’t plan on kissing you; it all kind of snuck up on me, Jay. I’m sorry.’
‘I get that but,’ he breaks off and closes his eyes briefly. ‘Hailey that was hours ago. You could have told me at any point before we crossed this line. Crossed it multiple times.’
She presses her hands over her eyes wishing she could take this feeling away. She’s somehow messed this all up when the last couple of hours have had her smiling more than she can remember.
‘I’m sorry. Jay, I really am sorry.’
She desperately needs him to understand that but it’s not about her. Not right now. Thinks she might deserve whatever comes her way as a result of her omission.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ His tone isn’t accusatory. More hurt.
And that’s worse.
‘I, my answer isn’t good enough.’
‘Try me.’
She sighs. She owes him that much. Goes for honesty. ‘Guess I was scared.’
‘How so?’
She shifts on the bed. God, she hates being vulnerable like this. She’s not good at feelings. Not good at any type of openness with other people really. She’s felt on her own for so long. Kept her walls up to keep herself safe.
‘I don’t know – of everything. That we’d be back to square one. That you wouldn’t want anything to do with me again.’
‘Hailey,’ he breathes but she carries on.
‘And it felt good, okay? It felt good and so I let myself have it and I shouldn’t have.’
God she feels emotional right now and she’d like to think maybe it’s because of the several orgasms she’s had tonight, but she thinks it’s really that she feels like she’s losing whatever this is between them before it’s even really begun. She forces herself to pull in a couple of breaths because she absolutely can’t get upset right now.
‘I should have told you. I get that. That was an asshole move and I, I’m sorry Jay.’
He lets out another heavy sigh and pushes himself to sit upright in the bed and Hailey, she braces herself for him to leave.
She gets it.
She’s been so stupid.
‘I’ll give you a min to get changed,’ she says quietly and turns to swing her legs out the bed when a hand reaches out to stop her.
‘Just wait. Just give me a minute to catch up, okay.’
She stills where she is with her back to him and the silence in the room is deafening. She thinks it must only be a minute before he speaks again but it feels much longer.
‘I dated the detective who used to sit at the desk you’ve worked at this week.’
And that one sentence feels like such an important piece of the puzzle of Jay Halstead that she’s been trying to solve. It explains so much.
Explains too how her decision in the heat of the moment to not tell him Voight’s offer is now even more complicated than she’d thought.
She’s messed up.
She still hasn’t turned back to look at him because how does she explain the tears in her eyes. She can’t cry in front of him. She just can’t. Not when this situation is her making.
‘Her name was Erin. We’d been dancing around one another for a long time until we got together. We dated for about a year until she just…left. There was a tough case. A really hard case where we lost someone and she got mixed up in the wrong things. Couldn’t see which way was up. I tried to help, but she quit anyway. I guess she needed a change but…’
She hears the slightly unsteady breath that leaves him before he continues.
‘And she and Voight were like family. He hated the fact we were together. Sometimes I think he hates the fact that it’s me that’s still there and not her.’
She closes her eyes letting the words wash over her. How complicated the two of them have just made things. How complicated she’s just made things.
How complicated her taking the job would be. Will be. She wants to. Really she does but now she’s not sure she should. Feels like she’s picking at an old wound of his when that was never her intention.
And what the hell is she doing making an opportunity like this hard for herself? An opportunity she’s worked so hard for. Fought for. And now she’s made everything complicated by sleeping with a handsome guy with a charming smile?
Only she can’t quite explain it away as neatly as that. If only it were that simple.
‘Jay, I’m sorry. I know they’re just words but I mean them. I didn’t mean to…’ she tails off not too sure how she’d finish that sentence anyway.
‘I’m sorry too.’
And the honesty behind his words makes her swallow a lump down in her throat. What the hell is wrong with her?
‘I’m sorry I was a dick to you this week.’
And that really wasn’t what she thought he was apologising for. She thought he was saying he regretted the last few hours.
She’d understand.
She feels him reach out to gently rest a hand on her shoulder where her back is still turned to him. His words soft when he speaks. ‘Hailey, will you look at me please?’
She really doesn’t want to right now, not when she’s feeling this vulnerable, but she turns to face him and sees the concern etched on his face too. For the mess they’ve gotten themselves into but also, she thinks, for her.
‘I was unfair to you at the start of the week, but it wasn’t about you.’
She nods. She understands. He’s still clearly hung up on his old partner and he’s being honest with her and even if it’s hard to hear, she appreciates that.
‘God, you got right under my skin at that crime scene, and I didn’t know what to do with it.’
She finally looks up to meet his gaze then. Surprised by his words but more so at the soft, slightly boyish, smile on his face.
‘You might have bugged me a little too,’ she admits.
‘You’d never know.’
And his words make some of the tension in her chest leave her.
‘Jay, you don’t need to let me off the hook here. I messed up.’
‘Maybe, but we’re here now and I honestly don’t know that I would have done anything differently tonight had I have known.’
Her heart thunders in her chest. Surely she’s not heard him right. ‘What?’
‘I wish you’d have told me, but I don’t know that I would have walked out the door if you had.’
Oh
He clears his throat before he speaks again.
‘I don’t know how to deal with having feelings for someone I work with again, but you should absolutely take the job if you want it. It’s a great opportunity and one you’d be really good at. We’d be lucky to have you. My stuff is my own crap, and I won’t make things hard for you - I promise. You have my word on that.’
Her mouth falls open. She appreciates his words but there’s something else in them that makes her heart skip a beat. ‘You, you have feelings for me?’
His face flushes and it’s incredibly endearing on someone who looks as he does sat up in her bed with all his muscles exposed.
‘I mean, I don’t really know what they are yet but yeah. Yeah, of course I do. Hailey, I knew I was attracted to you but tonight has been…’
‘Yeah,’ she breathes out. She’s not sure how to finish that sentence either but it’s all felt so right.
The last few hours have felt so good - easy and exhilarating at the same time. It’s unnerving but she doesn’t want to lie. Not sure how far it will get her when he’s naked beside her in her bed anyways. ‘Yeah, me too, Jay. If I’m honest, that’s part of the reason I didn’t say anything too. The feelings I mean. My feelings.’
His answering smile makes her stomach flip.
‘So maybe we just get to know each other first,’ he says reaching for her hand where it lies on the bed between them. His thumbs traces back and forth across the back of her hand as if they’ve been doing this for far longer than the last two hours. She watches as Jay pulls his hand away seemingly realising what he’s doing.
‘Get to know each other?’
‘Yeah,’ he nods. ‘Give us both some time to adjust to working together. That way you can settle into Intelligence and then we can decide what we want to do when we’re ready. No pressure. It’s nobody’s business but ours anyway.’
She reaches across and tangles her fingers with his. She doesn’t have the greatest track records with dating, especially with dating cops, but there’s something here. She knows it. ‘Yeah, yeah that sounds good.’
They’re quiet for a moment just taking the other in.
‘You still gonna call me out on stuff all the time?’
‘Oh absolutely,’ he grins. ‘Are you?’
‘Of course.’
‘Good.’
‘Hey, Jay - thank you.’
He tilts his head at her. ‘It’s your career, Hailey. You don’t need to thank me for anything.’
‘One more thing,’ she says as she climbs more fully onto the bed. ‘That cooling off thing. Getting to know one another?’
‘Mmm hmm,’ he hums sensing where she’s going with this as he trails his hands up and down her arms.
‘You didn’t mean that starts right now, did you?’
‘God no,’ he laughs and pulls her down on the bed until her lips meet his. ‘It’s not the morning until the sun comes up.’
--------
‘Good to have you on board, Detective. Welcome to the team.’
She stands and takes Voight’s outstretched hand. Lets herself enjoy this moment. This is real. This is happening. She’s in Intelligence.
‘Thank you, Sarge. I’m really glad to be here.’
The sergeant cracks something that vaguely resembles a smile. ‘You know I gotta tell you, I wasn’t sure if you’d accept. You keep a lot in and I know you and Halstead butted heads a little this week.’
She thinks about last night. About the way he’d made her come alive. About how understanding he’d been. About the way she’d woken this morning to his arm slung across her holding her close. About how he’d wished her good luck for this very conversation before he’d headed back to his place.
‘It’s all good,’ she smiles. ‘We worked it out.’
And when she exits Voight’s office to head back to Area Central to talk to her boss, she sees him appear at the top of the stairs.
‘Detective Upton,’ he smiles at her. Eyes sparkling as he sips the coffee in his hand.
Her eyes meet his and she grins right back as she breezes past him. ‘Detective Halstead.’
They’ll figure it out.
They’re gonna be just fine.