Chapter Text
“Touch yourself.”
She jerked her head up at the command, wide-eyed and speechless—and for an uncertain moment, Astarion thought she was going to refuse. But then her face split into a wide grin. “What, right now?”
He didn’t let his relief at not being immediately shut-down show. “You made such a fuss over being a wonder worker,” he said coolly. “Prove it.”
Her eyes darkened deliciously. She trailed a hand over the front of his chest, sliding over the ruffled collar of his shirt. “I’ll need some help.”
He shook his head and enjoyed the way she pouted. “Ah, ah. What happened to not needing anyone’s help to orgasm? Don’t tell me you’re all talk.”
“Careful,” she warned. “If you’d really like to keep your hands to yourself, I won’t stop you.” In a more serious tone, she added, “You’ll tell me if it goes too far?”
His heart tugged at her thoughtfulness, even in the midst of their flirting. “Of course, pet,” he assured her. “The moment I’m uncomfortable.”
“Good.” She leaned in as if to kiss him, but instead pushed him lightly to the ground. Astarion fell onto his pillows and blankets with only a small yelp of surprise, and looked up at her amusedly. Tav wasted no time dropping to her knees to straddle his lap and pressed a searing kiss to his lips. He eagerly reciprocated, only for her to pull away all too soon, leaving him chasing air.
She was already in the process of undressing. In one smooth motion, her shirt was pulled over her head and tossed across his tent. “Where do you want me?” she asked, and some hungry thing flared in his chest.
It was up to him. She was at his leisure to command.
“Just there.” Astarion indicated a spot on one of his rugs, nicely centered for him to enjoy the show she was putting on. Tav gave him a triumphant look and one last kiss before scooting off his lap. Before he could fully sit up, her pants were gone, too, leaving her in just her underwear.
She settled on her knees, kneeling on the rug, her legs slightly spread. The light of the lantern caught on her earrings, dazzling and silver in the near dark. And he was wrong before, when he thought her eyes were sparkling—they were glowing. Astarion was lightheaded at the sight of her. A small part of him was already flinching in preparation for the usual flare of self-loathing that accompanied sex, but it hadn’t appeared yet. Good. He was determined to enjoy this with her, without his past rearing its ugly head.
“The second it goes too far,” she reminded him, and he nodded vigorously, eyes locked on the way her fingers traced the inside of her thighs.
“The very instant.”
Satisfied, she let her fingers trail higher—over her sex, up her stomach and ribs, over her breasts, and back down again. His breath hitched each time she toyed with the waistband of her underwear, and the smug look on her face said she was watching him just as closely as he was watching her.
“You could tell me what to do,” she offered. “Order me around a bit. If you want to be more involved.”
His eyes flicked up to hers. Her cheeks were flushed bright pink, her lips parted, her eyes glinting in the low light. He wasn’t the only one affected by this, and it only made his pleasure grow. “Oh, would you like that?” he asked, feigning surprise. “Leaving your pleasure in my hands, being at my beck and call?”
She swallowed hard and nodded.
He hummed, pretending to be unbothered. His cock was already painfully hard in his pants, and she’d barely begun. “Tell me what you think of when you’re alone,” he commanded.
“I think about you,” she replied, spreading her thighs wider. Her fingers slipped under her waistband.
“What about me?”
“Everything. Your eyes watching me. Your hands holding my hips down, pinning my hands over my head. Your fingers leaving bruises, marking me as yours. Your mouth—” She bit off a moan as she finally reached her clit and began to circle it. Astarion was profoundly disappointed that he couldn’t see exactly what she was doing with her underwear in the way.
“Take those off,” he said raggedly. She hastily complied, and he barely held back a moan at how they stuck to her. His cock twitched as she sunk a finger in to the first knuckle. “What about my mouth?” he asked, returning to the earlier topic.
“You’re kissing, biting, sucking,” she panted. “Your tongue—” She held out two fingers in a silent invitation, one already soaked with her. Astarion leaned forward to take them into his mouth, mindful of his fangs, and swirled his tongue around them. She gasped as he released them with a wet pop. “Doing that exactly, yes.”
He smiled and licked his lips to taste the last traces of her. Leaning back on one hand, Tav sunk in both fingers and began to pump them in and out. And as delicious as that was, Astarion couldn’t look away from her face—her half-lidded eyes, her flushed cheeks, her little gasps of pleasure. Shivers shot up his spine. “What else does my mouth do?”
“You say the most debauched things. Praising how I look on your cock, how well I take you, when I get louder—"
“Do I tell you that I love how soaked you are for me?” he interrupted breathlessly. “Gods, you’re drenched. Look at you, barely even begun and you’re ready to fall apart. Such a needy thing.”
She shuddered, eyes fluttering shut, hips rolling. “Yes, yes, just like that.”
“But surely it’s not all praise. That doesn’t sound like me,” he said, and she shook her head. “No, I didn’t think so. I think you’ve been naughty, keeping this all to yourself. I’m not sure I should let you finish.”
“No, please, I’ll be good,” she pleaded. “I’ll be so good for you. I’ll do anything you want.”
They both knew this was a game—that he wasn’t as powerful and she wasn’t as powerless as they pretended. Pride and pleasure coiled in his belly at the thought that she was only doing this because he asked, that she wouldn’t take orders from anyone else.
“Hm.” Astarion’s gaze swept up and down her form. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Would you do this again for me? And I do mean only for me.”
She nodded vigorously, pumping faster, thumb circling her clit. “Yes, of course. Anything. Whatever you want.”
“Good girl,” he said, and Tav let out a whimper—an honest to gods whimper. Astarion filed away that information for future use. “Oh, I wish you could see yourself. You look positively sex drunk.”
“And it’s all for you. This is what you do to me.” Her thighs quivered, and she threw her head back. “Gods, Astarion, I’m going to—"
“Stop,” he said suddenly. Through the haze of pleasure, Tav ceased all movement and looked up at him, halfway between disappointed and concerned. And that was sweet, but it wasn’t why he’d stopped her. Astarion simply couldn’t standby any longer. He needed to touch her or he was going to lose his mind. He held his hands out towards her. “May I?”
She smiled teasingly, and when he didn’t move, took his hands herself and drew them to her hips. “What happened to being ‘all talk’?”
“You’ve proven your point,” he said thickly, marveling at the feel of her flushed skin. Unable to take the space between them any longer, he hauled her closer, seating her squarely in his lap. “Where can I touch you?”
She groaned. “Anywhere, Astarion. Just hurry up and do it.”
He wasted no further time, surging forward to kiss her while dragging his nails over her thighs. He swallowed her moans as she ground into him, and it took every ounce of his self-control to not come right there. He was nearly giddy with excitement and arousal. None of this was mapped out or scheduled or scripted. It was completely random, spurred on only by their mutual attraction and care, and it felt better than anything he’d done before.
Astarion nipped her bottom lip as he pulled away, and she whined at the loss of him. He held up his hand. “Suck,” he ordered. Obediently, she took his middle and index fingers into her mouth, down to his knuckles, and hollowed out her cheeks. It was a good thing he didn’t need to breathe, because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to even if it was necessary. He pressed down on her tongue, watching with rapt attention, and her perfect lips curled in a smile as she released his fingers. A line of spit trailed back to her mouth, and a shudder ran through him.
Brushing his fingers along the inside of her thighs, he lined them up and looked to her for approval. Tav softened—almost imperceptibly, but Astarion saw everything she did—and nodded. His fingers pushed inside her with no resistance, and gods, she was dripping. He almost couldn’t believe it; all that from her imagination and a few words of praise. Tav ground her hips down onto his hand, desperately chasing her release.
“Baby, I need more—”
Astarion added his thumb to her clit before she could finish the thought, and her walls clenched around him. “Do you want to cum?” he asked breathlessly.
She nodded, her chest heaving. “Yes, gods yes.”
“Say please,” he told her. She let out a choked laugh that turned into a moan when he curled his fingers inside her. “Say please.”
Her face was contorted with pleasure, even more beautiful up close. “Please, Astarion.”
“Good girl,” he said again, and it tipped her over the edge. With a gasp, she came onto his hand, her legs spasming with its force. Astarion held her as she rode it out, admiring how beautifully she performed for him.
It took a few minutes for Tav to come back down and catch her breath. When she pulled back from Astarion, she was still breathing heavily. Her neck and chest were covered in a sheen of sweat, and he was so captivated by her it almost hurt. Wordlessly, he held up his hand, the silent command clear. Without breaking eye contact, she took his fingers in her mouth, swirling her tongue to clean them off. He wondered if he might faint from how painfully hard his cock was. She released his fingers, and Astarion surged forward to kiss her again, swiping his tongue across her lips to taste her.
“How was that?” she asked, when they broke apart.
“Incredible,” he answered immediately. “You were incredible.”
“It was good for you?”
He pulled her toward him and fell backwards, so they were both laying down on his pillows. Tav settled on his chest, her legs between his. “I’ve never been so turned on in my life,” he said, and she smiled smugly. “How do you feel?”
“Very satisfied.” She yawned, and added, “Also tired.”
“I’d imagine.”
“Can I do anything for you? You did so much for me…” She trailed off as she tried to sit up, but Astarion pulled her back down before she went too far.
“You’ve already done enough for me, I assure you,” he said. “Tonight was about you.”
She tucked her head under his chin. “Alright. But you know I’d be happy to, if that’s what you wanted?”
“I know.” He kissed the top of her head. “You’re sweet to ask.”
“I just want you to feel as good as you make me feel, that’s all,” she said. “You’re incredible, you know?”
“I’m well aware. Would you ever be interested in doing that again?”
“Are you joking? Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready.”
He laughed, even as a bolt of pleasure swept through him. “Everything we said was what you wanted, right? Nothing went too far in hindsight?”
“You were perfect. I meant it when I said you could order me around.”
“You do take orders well,” he mused, and she poked him in the ribs. “What? You do. And you clearly loved following them, so I don’t see why you’re punishing me for pointing it out.”
“That’s a secret for your ears only, got it?” she said crossly. “I better not hear any gossip around camp about it.”
“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about the others finding out from me. After the show you just put on, I’d imagine they already know,” he replied. She shivered in his arms, and Astarion smiled wickedly. “Do you like the thought of that? Our companions knowing I’m the one making you sing so prettily?”
Tav scoffed. “As if there was ever any doubt.”
His earlier fears had caused a fair amount of doubt. “Hm. I hope you already told Halsin to shove off, else he might be waiting for an answer out there.”
“I turned him down the moment he asked, and can we please not talk about our companions when I’m not wearing any pants?”
He hummed in contented agreement and wrapped his arms around her more securely. As much as he’d enjoyed her performance, what made it even better was that he was able to enjoy it, without any bad memories creeping in to steal the moment away. He was in a rare, hopeful mood, and he allowed himself to go so far as to think that perhaps not even Cazador could hurt him forever. The pain had to end somewhere. He wanted to find it with Tav at his side.
She was the first to break the stillness between them, as usual. She always had just one more thing to say. “As much as I enjoyed that, I meant what I said earlier,” she said quietly. “I don’t need sex, in any capacity. You don’t ever have to do that just to make me happy.”
Astarion was somewhat surprised. “Were you thinking about that the entire time?”
“No. I trust you to tell me when it’s too much. I only wanted you to know that it didn’t change anything about our agreement.”
“Our agreement to be celibate, you mean?”
A smile colored her tone. “I’m not sure that was our exact verbiage. And if it was, we can’t say we’re celibate after tonight.”
“Masturbation doesn’t breach vows of celibacy.”
“I’m fairly certain you can’t call it masturbation when it’s your partner’s fingers.”
“Ah. A good point,” he acquiesced. His hands traced up and down her spine as he searched for the words to answer her. “To be honest, I was a bit worried myself. It would ruin a perfectly good evening if we had to stop in the middle of our fun. But it didn’t feel like before.”
Tav sat up enough to look into his eyes.
“Watching you felt…good,” he continued, then let out a small huff. “Inadequate as that word is. I’d like to try it again sometime. A performance that exquisite deserves an audience, after all.”
Her cheeks flushed. “Well. Good. I’m glad.”
He reached up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. His hand caressed her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. “You really are perfect,” he breathed. “In every way.”
“You’re a sap,” she said amusedly, leaning down, and Astarion couldn’t deny himself one last kiss. When she pulled away, she added, “But you’re also very cute, so it all works out in the end.”
He rolled his eyes as she got up to redress, and she shot him a curving smile over her shoulder as she hunted for her underwear in the low light of his tent. Astarion lounged and watched her contentedly, calling out likely places to look for her misplaced clothes while doing nothing to help. It was easy. Comfortable. He wanted it to keep happening.
After a few minutes, she’d only found her underwear and one of his spare shirts, and her increasing annoyance, mixing with her tiredness, was not a boon for her search. Astarion suggested she come to bed, and she was happy enough to leave her remaining clothes to their hideouts until morning. She braided her hair to the side, gave him permission to drink his fill, and, when he was done, kissed him sleepily. Astarion cleaned her neck as she dozed, only rousing her long enough to insist she put on his shirt. A moment after tugging it over her head, she was asleep again.
Astarion laid down beside her and pulled his blankets over them both. Careful not to wake her, he pulled her back to his chest, and pressed his face into her neck. Her scent washed over him, and he was glad his shirt would smell like her next time he wore it. If he got it back, that was. She was sneaky when she wanted to be. A woman after his own heart.
“Glad I didn’t have to pitch my tent,” she mumbled.
Astarion kissed a path from the back of her neck to a spot just behind her ear. “So am I,” he said, not taking his mouth from her skin. “Thank you for tonight, little love.”
She pressed further into him, and her warmth leached into his cold bones. “I like when you say that.”
“You like everything I say.”
“Mm. But I like when you say sweet things best.”
“Go to sleep,” he ordered gently.
She made a small noise of protest, but in just a moment, her breathing had evened out, and she was well and truly asleep.
Astarion stayed awake for some time yet, listening to her heartbeat and wondering if he could ever translate his feelings into words.