Chapter Text
Robin Buckley is in her bed.
Her bed.
With an arm draped across her waist and that perfectly adorable nose buried into her neck. Robin's breaths are soft and warm, the weight of her really nice on Nancy's torso. She might still be half asleep, but she knows without a doubt that she has never ever felt like this waking up next to another person. She blindly searches beneath the sheets for Robin's hand, long and slender fingers attached to a palm that's always warm but never sweaty .
She lifts the woman's left hand and stares at it, the outline of it only slightly visible in the very faint sliver of light peeking in through the blinds. Slowly, she trails a finger along it, tracing Robin's fingers and curling each one in until her hand is making a fist. Pointing Robin's knuckles towards her, she presses her lips to a few of them.
Her lips linger and-
"What are you doing, Wheeler?" Robin groans into her ear.
She jumps
"Sorry," she whispers against Robin's skin, a slight embarrassment rushing through her body.
Robin chuckles lightly, the sound sticking to her skin. The woman shifts, mattress barely squeaking with the movement, and steals her hand back. She pouts, but that's quickly wiped off of her face when Robin presses the warm palm against her ribs.
"Don't be sorry, Nance," Robin murmurs. She presses her lips to Nancy's shoulder. She shivers and shifts too, rolling and rolling until she can press her face into Robin's neck. "You're kinda needy in the morning, Wheeler."
"Come up with another nickname," she whines.
" Sure thing, baby ," Robin replies. Strong arms are wound around her shoulders, pulling her close. She's only recently learned that Robin is actually a lot stronger than she looks. But she's too busy melting into Robin to respond, being fully engulfed by her. It's her scent. Her strength. Her everything. "That better?"
"Much," she says, nodding.
"Good," Robin says. The woman's arms loosen and a hand slips between them. A finger hooks under her chin and tilts it upward, their gazes connecting. They're blanketed in silence for the very briefest of moments, a comfortable sort of thing. Robin smirks and says, "Hi."
"Hi," she replies.
It's her turn to make the move. She lifts a hand to Robin's forehead and pushes the hair off of it, finger trailing down her jaw. Her fingers spread against Robin's skin and she pushes up, closing the distance between them. Neither of their lips move and they seem to just be basking in the warmth of each other's mouths.
"You know," Robin says, each word tickling her bottom lip, "I don't hate you being needy in the morning. It's sweet."
"You're sweet," she counters.
"Come up with something I've never been called before," Robin retorts.
"How about annoying?" She says, sighing.
"Oh, no. That one's been used before. Several times," Robin says.
"Would you just shut up and kiss me?" She grounds out.
"Bossy bossy," Robin says.
She complies anyway. Robin kisses her. Her warm, pliant tongue sweeps over her bottom lip and smooths out those ticklish prickles. She opens her mouth, allowing access to her tongue as the kiss deepens. She slides her hand down Robin's neck and to her chest, fingers twisting in the material of the t-shirt the woman is wearing. She stole it from Robin's apartment at some point and it ended up in her laundry. Convenient considering Robin wouldn't even want to wear anything that belongs to her to sleep in.
The kiss slows down to chaste kisses until Robin says, "Come here."
Her arms slide around Nancy and pull s her into her warm body. She falls into the woman easily. She rests her head on the woman's chest and slides her hand across Robin's middle. She absently moves her hand to the hem of Robin's shirt and slips it beneath, immediately skating her hand across the skin.
"Is it going to be weird?" Robin asks, "Because I don't really like weird."
"Will what be weird?" She replies.
"Going out there," Robin says, "I haven't exactly ever dated my best friend's wife before."
"Babe," she groans, "Stop saying it like that."
"Why? It's the truth," Robin says, "Nevermind. It's too weird. I'll crawl out of the window."
"It's now or never," she replies, hand stilling over Robin's belly button. This seems to have become her motto. Everything is now or never. She pats her palm against Robin's stomach, the skin making a distinct sound as she does. "Besides, awkward is your specialty."
Robin laughs lightly but the quiet swallows them whole right after.
"Hey," Robin says suddenly, hand that's behind her back finding her shoulder and squeezing, "This is the first time I've ever stayed the night with you."
"Seriously?" She asks, "I thought for sure you had spent the night in this room once or twice."
"I don't remember," Robin says, "But it's the first time I've spent the night in this house with you ."
“I guess it is,” Nancy replies. She tilts her head up and looks at the woman’s perfect face. There’s freckles dusted along her skin. Nancy must have it really fucking bad to think everything about this woman is perfect. She’s usually a flaw seeker. She presses a kiss against Robin’s jaw and says, “But not the last.”
Robin hums and turns her head. She finds Nancy’s lips in a kiss, gentle and warm. It’s so easy and comfortable. She doesn’t know how she lived her whole life without doing it before now, before this year.
“Not the last,” Robin repeats, whispering it against her mouth.
Shortly after that, they get up. They both need to use the bathroom and her bladder just isn’t what it used to be before she had kids. She finds some jeans in her closet and pulls those on since she didn’t have any bottoms on. Steve had easily handed over a pair of sweatpants to his best friend, just enough alcohol to not make him think about the situation too much.
While Robin is in the bathroom, she wanders out into the kitchen. She opens the door of the refrigerator, looking through it to see if they have anything they could eat. There are eggs and sausage next to the milk. She’s realizing for the first time that Steve organized it very specifically. She must not get in the refrigerator enough.
She isn't particularly hungry, but before they all went to sleep last night Steve had proclaimed breakfast was a must.
She pulls all of the ingredients out of the refrigerator and closes that, the cold chill from it still lingering on her skin. She opens the cabinets, trying to decide if she wants to convince the two that pancakes would be worth the hassle too. She knows everyone else in the house likes waffles more, but she prefers pancakes.
"What are you looking for, baby?" Robin says, hands settling on her hips. She doesn't know when Robin learned how to walk so quietly. She's usually all limbs and can be heard from across the room. Movements like a rhino. Now like a cat.
"Pancakes?" She says like a question.
"Whatever you want," Robin says.
The woman reaches up and grabs the pancake mix. She sets it down on the counter in front of Nancy then wraps those strong arms around her waist. She's taken aback for a moment at Robin's quick agreement. It isn't like her to be so agreeable.
"Whatever I want?" She says, "Why would you say that?"
"Because, I want what you want," Robin says, "Sounds good to me."
"No," she replies, voice firm and unwavering. She turns in the woman's embrace, hands lax against her backside. Robin's eyebrows are furrowed but those hands slip into the pockets of her jeans anyway. "You are not this agreeable, ever, and if this is because I'm your girlfriend now instead of just your friend then I don't want to hear it. I like you for you, dumbass, and I don't want you to start acting all weird all of a sudden."
"I'm not acting weird," Robin says, sighing, "I'm gonna go wake up your husband to make your pancakes."
Robin presses a chaste kiss to her cheek. All she can do is roll her eyes in response, tired of being charmed by Robin just trying to press her buttons. Still, as Robin turns on her heel, she reacts quick enough to reach out and lightly smack her ass but the sweatpants are a thick padding.
Robin, her husband's best friend, her girlfriend, laughs and she makes her way down the hallway and into Steve's bedroom.
The kids are still at her parents' house. After a night out together, they all have intentions and sitting down to talk about what's next from here. If Robin and Steve can actually act like adults to have a serious, adult conversation. Hopefully he's managed to digest the gravity of what's happening here after having a few days to chew on it.
She starts the coffee pot. It heats up and all she can do is stare at it while she holds her empty mug. She doesn't do a lot of the cooking. She actually thinks that while she lived in Chicago for college Robin and Steve took a cooking class or two together. They are both fantastic cooks but if they ask her to pick who's the better cook she will refuse to answer. (She's leaning towards Robin right now.)
As the liquid starts pouring, the two friends come into the kitchen. Steve's hair is disheveled and he's still yawning. Still, she can see the hints of a sparkle in his eyes.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," she says, turning to face them.
"Morning," Steve replies with a smile.
"Wow, asshole," Robin says, nudging him with her elbow, "I didn't get nearly as nice of a response."
"You jumped on me," he says, scoffing as he rubs at his eyes, "Coffee, please, Nance."
He groans like a zombie. Robin smacks him in the back of the head and walks around the island that separates them. He's protesting her in grunts and growls. When the coffee stops brewing, she pours him a cup and hands it over for him to add all of the sugar and milk that his heart can desire.
“Your wife wants pancakes,” Robin says, slapping him on the back.
He grunts and says, “Your girlfriend, your responsibility.”
“Come on,” she says, pouting, “We don’t have to have pancakes if you don’t want.”
“Just make the woman pancakes,” Robin says.
Robin stands next to her and drapes an arm across her shoulders. She rolls her eyes but, when she looks up, Robin is smiling back down at her. She’s filled with an incessant need to kiss her girlfriend.
“You can kiss in front of me,” Steve says.
“What?” She asks, tearing her eyes away from Robin and looking at her husband.
Steve sets his mug down on the counter and leans against it. He looks at them, seems to get lost for a moment. Unless he’s just tired. His gaze tightens after and he seems to have half smile in consideration.
Then he says, “It might take some getting used to but there’s only one way to make it all feel normal anyway.”
Robin's arm slides off of her shoulders at an excruciatingly slow pace, every centimeter that Robin leaves feels like it's on fire. She stares at Steve, gauges his face to read what he actually isn't saying. It's suddenly a crazy concept to her that she went from kissing Steve to kissing Robin and they're all standing in the same room right now.
"We don't have to," she says. They hadn't last night. Not if Steve could see them. It hadn't necessarily been a conscious thought. It was just the way it worked out because they were both present in the moment. Possibly to keep him from saying too much.
"I know you want to," he says, "I could tell last night and I can tell right now."
"Are you sure?" Robin says.
"Yeah," he says, "I'm moving on, you know? Plus, I know you've always been in love with Nancy."
"I what?" Robin says, seemingly stunned by his statement, "I'm not in love with Nancy. I mean, I haven't always been. This is a totally new development. These feelings. And, besides, I was never going to act on my feelings as long as she was your wife. I would never. Not if it would make you hate me or something. Besides, she was straight and now she's...not."
"Rob, you're rambling," she says, raising a hand to the woman's shoulder and squeezing.
"Right, I was trying to say," Robin says, "I don't want you to hate me."
"Oh man, Robin, I could never ever hate you," Steve says, "Either of you. I want you both to be happy and if that means being together then I support it."
Nancy smiles softly, hand sliding down Robin's spine and slowly curling it around her.
"Do you mean that?" Robin asks.
"Duh I mean it. What Nancy and I had was nice, great, but that's over now," Steve says, "And who else would I trust with Nancy or my kids more than you?"
“Steve,” she interjects, her brain freezing up, “We can’t tell the kids. Not yet.”
“Why?” He asks.
“I haven’t exactly talked to Robin about that,” Nancy says, “Plus, I want to see how they might feel at the prospect of us moving on before we tell them. The last thing I want is for them to hold any anger towards any of us.”
“I’m ok with it,” Steve says, “Why wouldn’t they be?”
“You know why,” Robin says.
“Well, I get that,” Steve says, “But they were ok when they learned you’re a lesbian. So.”
“That’s different,” Robin says, “I’m not their Mom.”
“Well, that’s where you’re wrong,” Steve says, “You date my wife. You start to take on that role whether you want it or not.”
“I can’t just be the cool gay aunt anymore?” Robin says, visibly deflating, “I’m gonna have to rethink this whole thing.”
“Hey,” she whines, smacking Robin’s arm, “Take that back right now.”
Robin turns to her with a grin, immediately wrapping those arms around her waist. Her hands clutch the back of Nancy’s thighs as she lifts her off of the ground, spinning just lightly. And, slowly, like time has stopped, Robin leans in to plant a pliant kiss against her lips. Steve be damned.
“I’m joking,” Robin murmurs.
Steve turns on the stove, saying, “No going back now, Buckley.”
“Good,” Robin says, voice so dreamy right now.
“Besides,” Steve adds; getting pans out, “When we told them that Nancy’s a lesbian, they took it really well.”
She sits at the island and watches them make breakfast. They are experts of being aware of where the other is, just like old times when they lived together back before she and Steve moved in together. Watching them together has always been something that she enjoys.
Robin ends up making the pancakes while Steve makes the eggs and sausage. Moments like this with anyone else would make her feel like the odd man out, but they never make her feel that way. As Robin turns with the pancake mix, she grins at Nancy.
She's surprised by Steve being so comfortable with them having physical contact of any kind in front of him. She's tried to put it off to be considerate, but he hasn't seemed to mind. It makes her think about when she told Robin she thought he was trying to set them up. He had been persistent about her spending time with Robin.
She just had to come to that conclusion on her own time.
🌈
On Wednesday, she goes home after work just long enough to change and to ask her kids how their days were. She double checks with them that they're ok with her missing dinner and bedtime before she kisses both of them on the head and leaves. By now, the drive to Robin's apartment is familiar. She's counted every turn on multiple occasions. She knows the exact amount of time it takes before she parks her car and finds herself in front of Robin's door. She doesn't knock this time. She just opens the door and goes in.
She closes it behind her, expecting to her girlfriend, but Robin isn't in the living room or the kitchen. She leaves all of her accessories on the chair in the living room and wanders towards the woman's bedroom. She does find her there, tucking a shirt into her pants.
"Hey," she says, breath hitching at the sight of the woman in front of her, "Wow."
"Wow?" Robin asks, chuckling lightly.
"You're just so," Nancy pauses and gulps, "Sexy."
Robin grins and steps forward, sliding hands around her waist. The woman lifts her feet off of the ground and spins her before setting her down. It's all part of Robin's affinity for romance, something she excels at while Nancy absolutely does not. She appreciates that the woman doesn't get deterred by that though.
"I missed you," Robin says.
She blushes. It still does make her heart melt. She's never exactly had someone be so open with those feelings to her. Not even when she was in high school and dating Jonathan long distance. The heaviness of missing him faded over time and it became the new normal. Sometimes she wonders if they had broken up when they actually should have instead of dragging it out if things would be different right now. She would probably have gotten with Robin a long time ago. She probably wouldn't have children.
Her eyes trace the woman's mouth while she moves her hands along Robin's neck. Then she takes her index finger and traces Robin's jaw. She's busy staring at the bit of Robin's chest exposed where the buttons of her shirt are undone. She doesn't understand how Robin always looks so enticing, so alluring. They could skip dinner and she could take all of her clothes off right now. She wouldn't regret it.
But, she does want to have a conversation first.
It's important.
"Can we talk?" She asks.
"Oh, you know me," Robin replies with a smirk, fingers digging in to the small of her back. She's done a lot of thinking since Steve said something just a few days ago. It's been eating at her while she imagines a world where they're one, big, happy family. "What's on your mind, baby?"
She steps out of Robin's grasp and finds the woman's hand, grasping it tight. She tugs Robin to her own bed, the sheets a plaid of brown and blue. They sit on the side of the mattress and she makes sure that they're facing each other.
"So," she starts, not really sure how to even broach the subject, "You know how I have kids?"
"Yes," Robin replies, "I know your kids."
"Right," she says. She lifts her free hand to brush the hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear. She doesn't know why she's so nervous. "Well, telling them about us would mean that we're in this. We can't just decide we don't want to be together anymore."
"I agree," Robin says, rubbing the back of her thumb.
"I want to tell them," she says.
"You do?" Robin asks.
"It might mean that sometimes you're the bad guy. You'll have to put your foot down when you've never really had to," she says, keeping her gaze turned away, "It would mean staying the night at the house with the kids there maybe."
"Maybe," Robin repeats.
"And it means that they might look at you differently," she says, "But I want to tell them."
"Ok," Robin says.
"Ok?" she repeats, eyes locked onto a spot in the pattern of the comforter.
A finger hooks under her chin, guiding their gaze back together. Her eyes become trained on Robin's blue one and she doesn't look away. Despite the nervousness, she feels a comforting warmth spread through her chest. Robin smiles gently, then leans in. Robin's lips touch hers, soft and grounding.
When they pull back, Robin says, "Introduce me to your kids."
She laughs lightly. She reaches up to cup Robin's face, letting her palms envelope her girlfriend. She says, "You're going to love them."
"I already do," Robin says.
They go to dinner after that. A nice place, a little pricey. Robin's pay isn't much as a teacher. She knows because she knows what Steve gets paid. She doesn't know her budget yet either, not with their new agreement. But, it's the first time they've really been anywhere other than the bar.
She pushes her food around her plate until Robin calls her out, makes her eat more. She appreciates that Robin doesn’t fall for her nervous habits. She enjoys food, but she always feels weird eating in front of people. Even the people that she loves.
Robin drove them to the restaurant. Which is, probably, the first time she’s been in the car while Robin is driving in a long time. At least her driving has improved over the years. Robin also holds the door open for her and closes it gently.
Back at Robin’s apartment, they entwine on the couch. Their hands roam. Their mouths explore. She tugs on the zipper of Robin’s pants and feels around.
“Let me take care of you,” she says, kissing Robin soundly.
Robin nods profusely, tongue too busy poking into her mouth to utter a response. Robin is wet already, underwear damp beneath her fingers. They gap between the woman’s thighs increases, like she’s parting her knees for Nancy. But, right now, she really wants to do something else.
She pulls back and looks into those darkened eyes. They’re a blue that she only sees in moments like this, when Robin needs her so bad that she can barely speak. Just a few months ago, she didn’t know Robin like this.
She smiles and balances herself against Robin’s body, hands steadying herself against the woman’s chest as she presses a knee between Robin’s thighs against the cushion of the couch. She lowers herself strategically. She has one foot on the floor as she leans forward and kisses her girlfriend again, softly. She slides her hands down Robin’s front and to the button on her jeans.
Robin’s hands cup her cheeks, holding her in place for just a moment. Her hands work at Robin's pants, pushing on the waistband until they're sliding over her hips. Robin releases her face to help, to life herself off of the couch and help slide the pants down her thighs until they get to her knees. She pulls back and gets to her knees on the floor, in the space between the couch and the coffee table, hands on Robin's thighs.
She slides her palms from Robin's knees to her hips, staring up at the other woman. She's about to do something she's never done before. She gets to it quick, pulling Robin's pants off and moving to her underwear. She pulls that off too, tossing it aside onto the floor. She places her hands back on Robin's knees and inches them up her thighs again, leaning down to kiss Robin's inner thighs. She wraps her hands around the woman's hips and pulls her to the edge of the cushion. Then, she leans in and tastes Robin.
She licks at Robin's folds, nibbles at her clit, sucks it into her mouth, until the woman is coming against her tongue and face. Robin gasps and moans, so soft and poignant, as she comes. It gives her a new sound that she'll crave to hear again and again. When Robin's able to breathe a little bit better, she pulls her in for another kiss and growls at the taste on her tongue. She smiles, feeling powerful, wondering if this is how Robin feels all of the time.
"You're so perfect, Nance," Robin murmurs against her mouth.
They kiss for awhile longer. They makeout like she didn't do enough as a teenager, giggling and smiling. Reluctantly, she peels herself off of the women because she has to go home. She has to go home and sleep alone in her bed when she could be sleeping next to Robin.
She drinks a glass of water and pouts as Robin finds something cleaner to put on in the other room. As she's leaning against the counter, back facing the rest of the world, Robin's arms slide around her middle and pulls her into a hug. She's never felt this kind of sadness at the prospect of leaving a lover. Still, she has to. She will because she loves her kids.
Robin walks her to the car. She probably feels that closeness right now too. She kisses her with the door open, pressing her body to the car.
"I love you," Robin says, letting her get into the car.
Then Robin shuts the door and she’s on her way home to her lonely bed.
🌈
The thing about Caleb is that he is much more sensitive than Delilah. And yet, it’s Delilah who keeps crawling into her bed at night. She’s become such a light sleeper, between trauma haunting her and baby monitors. So when the bed shifts in the slightest, it wakes her up with a gasp.
She sits straight up and is just relieved her instinct isn’t to reach for her gun when she sees her daughter. Delilah is crawling into her bed, which isn’t the first time this week or even last week. It’s starting to concern her.
She steadies her breathing and silently helps Delilah settle into her bed beneath the sheets. She lays in the middle of it. Suddenly, Nancy wonders what it would be like if Robin were here too. Would Delilah still climb into bed? Would she sink in between them and curl into her? Would she cling to Robin? She always does. But would it be different in the middle of the night?
Delilah rests against her arm before she can even lay back down, using her bicep and upper arm as a pillow. Delilah faces outwards, away from her. The little girl’s hair tickles her arm, the tank top she has on exposing enough of her skin for that to be possible.
She stares down at her daughter for just a moment before reaching up to slide her fingers through Delilah’s hair. She settles back down. She curls her arm around her daughter’s middle and rests her check on the crown of her head.
She worries, suddenly, that things will change.
And of course it’s keeping her up. She doesn’t fall back to sleep until it’s almost too late to allow herself to fall back to sleep. But she wakes up with just enough time to get ready before waking her daughter up and having her go to her room to get ready.
She makes her way into the rest of the house. Steve stands behind the counter making breakfast. She gives him a smile while she secures her bracelet into place.
“Morning,” she says.
“Morning,” he replies.
“Don’t forget,” she says, reaching into the cabinet for a mug, “We’re supposed to meet at the lawyer’s office today at three-thirty.”
“I didn’t forget,” he says, “Robin still picking them up from school?”
“That’s what she said,” she says, “Do you think…”
She trails off. She lifts her mug of coffee to her mouth, inhales, and takes a slow sip from the steaming mug. She thinks about letting Steve in on everything, getting his opinion. As Delilah’s dad.
“Delilah keeps coming into my room in the middle of the night,” she says, holding the mug at her diaphragm as she leans back against the counter, “Do you think we should be concerned?”
“Have you tried talking to her about it?” He says, “Maybe something’s bothering her and she just hasn’t figured out how to say it.”
“I want to tell them about Robin tonight,” she says, “But I don’t want it to make things worse.”
"I don't think it'll make this worse," Steve says. He pauses and places his head into his hand, resting his elbows on the counter. He looks straight ahead, not turning to look at her. She can't exactly tell what he's thinking. He stands up again and turns to face her, leaving the food behind him. "They don't know what any of this means. They don't understand divorce or dating or any of that. They're going to feel how they feel and the only way we can talk them out of feeling that way is to prove to them that they're safe."
"Yeah. You're right," she says, slowly digesting his words, "I just worry. What if...when she comes into my room and Robin is there it scares her? Or what if she's mad at me? Or, worse, what if she's mad at Robin? They've both always had a special bond with her."
"They're kids," Steve says, stepping towards her. He smiles softly, reaching out and settling a hand on each shoulder. He rubs her shoulder gently for just a moment, then pushes her hair back behind her ear. "They'll get over it. You're here. You're present. You're not going anywhere. You love them and they know it. Robin loves them and they know it. Everything is going to work out."
"How do you know?" She says, snorting sarcastically.
"Because I'm smart," he says. She laughs. He leans forward and wraps his arms around her shoulders. The steaming mug is trapped between them, the steam trailing upwards and into their faces. She feels his cheek on her forehead and his hands slide over her back. It doesn't feel like it used to. He pulls back. "The world isn't going to end just because you've moved on."
He smiles and pats the top of her head. He turns back to making breakfast while she drinks her hot coffee. The kids come down and eat. She eats a piece of toast because she has a feeling that her girlfriend will ask Steve if she ate something. She eats it to placate someone who isn’t even here. It’s while chewing it that it occurs to her Robin has always been looking out for her.
She helps Caleb and Delilah get in the car after that. She puts their backpacks on the floor at their feet and buckles them onto their booster seats. She slides in behind the driver’s seat after that, starting the car and fiddling with the radio dials until she finds a song. It reminds her of Robin singing along and it’s nice. She puts on her seatbelt and backs her car out onto the road.
As she drives, she asks, “Is it ok if Aunt Robin picks you up from school today?”
“Yeah,” Caleb says.
“Lilah?” She says.
“Why won’t daddy pick us up?” Delilah says.
“We just have something we have to do,” she explains, “We’ll be home soon after.”
“You will?” Delilah says.
“And I bet you can play a game or watch a movie,” she says.
“Maybe,” Caleb says.
She drops him off first. He can unbuckle himself now. She unlocks the door and he pulls the handle, pushing it open. He grabs his backpack and hops out, telling her goodbye before closing the door. She watches him enter the school building. He’s sensitive but independent.
She starts driving again. It’s just a few blocks to Delilah’s school. She looks at her daughter in the rearview mirror. She sees the little blonde girl mouthing the words.
“Sweetie,” she starts, looking at the road ahead and clenching the steering wheel, “Is something bothering you?”
“No,” Delilah says.
“Has something been scaring you?” She says.
“What do you mean?” Delilah says.
“You’ve had a hard time sleeping in your own bed all night,” she says.
“I just thought you might be lonely,” Delilah says.
“You don’t think daddy’s lonely?” She asks.
“I don’t know,” Delilah says with a shrug she catches in the mirror, “Boys don’t get lonely.”
“Who told you that?” She says, snorting.
“Princesses always needs saved,” Delilah says, “And you don’t like princes.”
“Oh, sweetie,” she says, pulling into the school parking lot, “I’m ok. And the movies aren’t always right. Women are strong and independent. They don’t need a man or anyone else to save them. We can be our own heroes.”
“We can?” Delilah asks.
She parks the car and unbuckles her seatbelt. She turns around and looks at her daughter. She says, “Yeah. You can be anything you set your mind to. But, if you want to check in with your daddy and see if he needs you, I bet he would love that.”
“You think so?” Delilah asks.
“I do,” she says, “But you can still come check on me every now and then if you want.”
“Ok, mommy,” Delilah says.
She smiles at her daughter for a moment before she helps Delilah out. She walks the girl inside and watches her run onto her classroom. She’s just an afterthought now.
She goes through her day like normal. She just leaves early to meet Steve at the lawyer’s office. The meeting Taylor is quick and to the point. She looks over their assets and they fine comb some final thoughts and agreements. At this point, they’re mostly doing it for the lawyer’s satisfaction. They’ll only have one more time in this office afterwards.
Then they’ll be divorced.
When she gets home, Robin is sitting in the couch between Caleb and Delilah. They’re watching Toy Story which is somehow Delilah’s favorite movie. Steve walks in behind her. Neither of their children look up. She shakes her head, amused, and goes into her room, putting her purse down.
She kicks off her shoes and changes clothes into something a little more relaxed after work. She chooses maroon pants and a blue sweater. She doesn’t really have plans to go anywhere but she’s never been very good at loungewear.
She goes back into the living room. The credits to the movie are rolling and the kids are nowhere to be found. Robin and Steve are laughing in the kitchen. She almost feels bad interrupting. But she has something she wants to get out of the way. She approaches the pair and slides a hand across Robin’s shoulders as she reaches her side.
“Hey,” she says. She curls a hand around Robin’s shoulder. The other one lands flat against Robin's stomach. She tugs the woman down, lightly kissing her jaw. All beneath Steve’s warm gaze. “Come with me.”
“Where are we going?” Robin says.
“To tell the kids,” she replies. Her hand skates across Robin’s shoulders, down her arm, until their fingers entwine. She steps back and she sees Steve follow. She hesitates then. “I really appreciate how supportive you’ve been, but I think we should do this without you.”
“Yeah,” Steve says, running a hair through his hair, “Probably. If you need me, just holler.”
“You got it, buddy,” Robin says, slapping him on the shoulder.
It’s as she climbs the stairs, Robin behind her, that she realizes it’s her and Robin that’s the ‘ we ’ now. She audibly gasps, hand covering her mouth as she stops abruptly halfway up. Robin runs directly into her.
“Nance,” Robin breathes, casual and familiar, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she says, lightly shaking her head as she turns slightly. She leans against the wall. She stares at the woman, taking in those gentle blue eyes and those perfect lips. She smiles and says, “I’m just really happy. With you.”
“I’m really happy with you too,” Robin says, reaching up to take her hand. Robin steps up, standing the same height as her now that she’s in the step directly behind her. She leans closer, a breath away, but stops. She whispers, “I really want to kiss you.”
“Kiss me,” she says softly. Robin grins and kisses her. The kiss is chaste. It leaves her chasing Robin’s mouth. She whines and pouts. “We are doing that again. Just better.”
“After,” Robin says, motioning them upwards.
They proceed upwards. She peeks into Caleb’s room. He’s laying on his bed with a book in front of her. She feels Robin behind her, looking right along with her. They linger for just a moment before Robin goes into Delilah’s room. She can hear the little girl laughing as Robin comes back, the little girl cradled in her arms.
She knocks on Caleb’s door and says, “Can we come in?”
“Sure,” Caleb says.
They all move into the room. He sits upright, crossing his legs in front of him. He seems confused, inquisitive, a look he definitely gets from her. She sits down in the mattress in front of him. Robin sets Delilah down and sits on the floor. She doesn’t get how she’s so limber. She’s barely sitting before Delilah is throwing herself into Robin’s arms. Robin catches her with a playful huff, immediately curling those arms around her.
“We wanted to talk to you guys about something,” she starts. She leans forward, folding her hands between her knees as she leans against her thighs. She looks at Robin to ground her. Her smile is so beautiful and warm that it inspires her. “I know that everything around here has been weird and confusing. I don’t really want to add one more confusing thing into the mix, but I do want to be honest with you about everything.”
“Not just your mom,” Robin adds, “I want to be honest with you too.”
She glances at Caleb who still looks confused. And she sees Delilah who doesn’t seem to understand. And Robin’s hand reaches out to cover hers, holding it tightly in a way that’s always comforted her.
“The truth is,” she says, swallowing thickly, looking over at Robin, “I never expected that I would feel this way about Robin-“
“Aunt Robin,” Delilah corrects.
Robin smiles and lightly tickles the little girl. She’s always been so good with them. All she can hope is that damage won’t be done with her next words.
“Right, well,” she says, looking at Caleb again who understands a little more, “To me she’s more than that. She’s smart and kind and amazing and beautiful and I love her. I’m in love with her.”
“Ohhhhhh,” Caleb says, like a lightbulb, like he gets it.
There’s no way.
“You might not understand what everything means, but one day you will,” she says, “And I know that it’ll take some getting used to, but you might see us do some things that you only ever saw me do with your daddy.”
“Hm,” Delilah thinks.
“I love you guys very much,” Robin says, “And that’s never going to change.”
“Love you too,” Caleb says.
Robin smiles at him, letting her hand drop to her knee, and says, “You might see me around here a little bit more. Would that be ok?”
“Duh,” Delilah says.
“Cool,” Robin says, “I promise you guys that all I want is to make your mom very happy.”
“So you’ll keep her from being lonely?” Delilah asks.
“I’ll keep her from being lonely,” Robin says, “Scout’s honor.”
“Good,” Delilah says
“Ok,” Caleb says, eyebrows still furrowed, “So you and mom are girlfriends?”
“Yeah,” Robin says, “We are.”
“Cool,” Caleb says, repeating what Robin said while smiling, “I have a girlfriend too.”
“You what?” Nancy says, eyes widening.
“Yeah,” Caleb says with a shrug, “Her name is Emily.”
“What do you and Emily do that makes you boyfriend and girlfriend?” She asks, tentatively.
“Trade lunches,” Caleb says, and she breathes easier, “Hold hands.”
“No,” she groans.
Robin laughs and then, “You finally asked her out?
“Last week,” Caleb says, beaming.
Then she watches the two high five and she begins to regret everything.
“This was a bad idea,” she says, “You’re a bad influence.”
She gets up and leaves the room.
She somehow convinces Robin to curl up under her blankets and stay the night. She feels bad when she's caught. Because she stole enough of Robin's clothes that there's a selection for what Robin can wear. She would feel a lot worse if it hadn't worked out. With Robin's arm wrapped around her waist, she sleeps just fine.
🌈
There’s a certain feeling she gets as she straddles Robin’s waist that she’s never felt with anyone else. Maybe it’s a sense of power that she wasn’t privy to before. She smiles down at the woman whose hands are sliding over her thighs in a lazy caress.
She keeps eye contact. It’s nice to no longer avoid looking at someone in her most vulnerable of moments. She moves a hand down to curl it around Robin’s wrist. Then she lifts the woman’s arm and bends down. She kisses the crease of Robin’s elbow, moves to Robin’s forearm. She moves her hand to kiss Robin’s wrist too, then her palm.
She keeps going. She kisses the pad of Robin’s finger, right there at the tip. Then she does something unexpected. She licks the digit before taking it into her mouth.
Robin inhales sharply.
“Fuck, baby,” Robin says, husky and wanting, “What are you trying to do to me?”
She slides her tongue along Robin’s index finger, watching her lips part slowly. When she pulls it out of her mouth, she pauses to nibble at the tip of Robin’s finger. Her girlfriend squeaks.
“We should go,” she says.
“You are such a tease,” Robin grounds out.
“You said you wanted to go to the bar,” she reminds the other woman, “See your friends. Shoot some pool…”
Robin groans. It's low and feral. A protest of sorts. Hands work up her thighs, curl around her hips. Robin moves her own hips upwards, thrusting like she can make a compelling argument to get Nancy to stay.
“I don’t want to go anymore,” Robin says. Nancy smirks. The prospect of not going to the bar and seeing these woman makes her feel a little sad though. Robin sighs. “Fine.“
Robin pushes up on her elbows. She looks into blue eyes and sees that fire in them. It brings her warmth. She thinks about Robin promising her daughter that she won’t feel alone. She wonders if this feeling will ever fade.
“Hey,” she says, dropping her hand to Robin’s chest, “Do you think it’s always going to feel like this?”
“Awe, babe,” Robin says, balancing of her weight on one elbow to circle her wrist, “It’s only going to get better from here.”
“Yeah?” She says.
“I promise you, Nance,” Robin says, “I won’t let there be one dull moment between us. I’ve loved you forever and I’ll love you always.”
“You’re an idiot,” she says.
She smiles to hide her blush. She smiles because Robin is adorable and makes her heart flutter. She smiles because she can see herself like this with Robin now, in 5 years, in 10 years and so on. She’s never pictured it like that. Not with Jonathan and not even with Steve. She’s bought into heteronormativity for as long as she can remember. But not anymore.
“Your idiot,” Robin corrects.
“Yeah, you’re my idiot,” she says. She leans down and kisses Robin. She feels it in her fingers as they curl around the woman’s neck. She feels it in her chest as she lives and breathes. She feels it in her stomach as it burns hot. Against Robin’s lips, she says, “I love you. I love you I love you.”
It’s one thought.
One breath.
Robin grins at her. Lifts the hand around her wrist to her hair and brushes it back behind her ear. Those fingertips linger, trailing down her jaw. Then Robin is pinching her chin and pulling her in for a kiss. It’s gentle yet desperate, a sort of poetic inking of want and need and desire that lives under her skin.
Begrudgingly, they separate. They make their way to the bar where Kelly and Joann or already at the pool table. Susan is at the dart board with Michelle. Valerie is at the bar, talking with someone she’s never seen before. Julie is in line for the bathroom.
Everything has changed.
She walks in holding Robin’s hand instead of missing her touch. They don’t meet at the table like usually. They mingle with people outside of their circle. When she tells Robin that she’s going to the bar to order their drinks, Robin pulls her in for a kiss. She can feel Robin’s eyes on her as she walks away.
She orders them two beers and waits.
Someone is beside her saying, “You’re really beautiful.”
“Thank you,” she says.
She looks back at her girlfriend. Robin isn’t looking at her. She’s busy laughing. Her head is slightly tilted back. She stares at Robin’s throat, thinking of all of the places she’s kissed.
“Do you come here often?” The woman asks.
“Yes,” she replies, glancing at the stranger, “With my girlfriend.”
The bartender sets two drinks in front of her. She places the 10$ bill Robin gave her onto the counter. She grasps the drinks and returns to the table. To Robin. She hands it over and slips between Robin’s knees, leaning back and into Robin’s chest. Robin sets her drink down and slides both arms around her middle.
Everything has definitely changed.
Months ago, she couldn’t have imagined herself enjoying public displays of affection. In fact, she had never considered herself all that affectionate. It had been a rare occasion and definitely not something that she needed. But now, she feels like she needs a point of contact with Robin at all times.
Months ago, she wouldn’t have found herself in a bar like this. Around people like her. Surrounded by people who couldn’t give a shit that she’s desperately in love with another woman.
Months ago, she doesn’t actually think she knew what this sort of romantic love felt like. She feels like she’s in love for the first time. With someone who makes her feel loved and wanted, makes her feel supported, who can’t stop touching her either.
Everything keeps changing for the better.
🌈
They both open their car doors at the same time. They step out and their eyes lock over there vehicles. Steve smiles. She smiles back. They close their doors.
“You ready for this?” She asks.
It’s a Tuesday. Their kids are out of school for the winter break. She dropped them off at her mom’s this morning on the way to work. Things with her mom have been pretty good, considering. Although they haven’t revisited the queer conversation, she respects Nancy enough not to bring it up. At least not in a negative manner.
“I’m ready,” Steve says, “You?”
“Yeah, I think so,” she says. They meet on the sidewalk near the front door. They both stop and they stare at each other. Or she stares off in thought while he studies her. He’s never been very good at studying. “I just want to say…”
“I’m listening,” he says after a best.
“You were the best husband I could have asked for. Even through all of this, you’ve been great. I don’t know if it would have worked out that way with someone else, but,” she stops and breathes. He tilts his head to the side. Not much. Just enough to make her feel like he’s giving her his undivided attention. “But I’m glad it was you that I chose to walk with in this life. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my children. It was absolutely your true calling.”
“Gotta give yourself a bit of credit,” he says, “I never expected I would be so uptight about things. You keep me balanced.”
“I will,” she replies, “We both will, if you’re cool with Robin joining us in this parenthood thing.”
“Only because it’s her,” he says.
“Did you, um, try to set us up?” She says.
“Maybe a little,” he says, “I just planted the seed. You’re great together.”
“How do you know?” She says, smiling softly.
“Because I know her,” he says, “And I know you.”
“I guess that’s true,” she says.
She reaches out and grasps his hand. It’s cool and clammy. His hands are significantly rough for a guy who doesn’t really use his hands. He wants to coach the basketball team. That would make his hands a little rougher. They curl their hands together. It doesn’t feel quite like it does to hold Robin’s hand.
“Let’s get it out of the way,” Steve says.
She squeezes and lets go. He steps forward and pulls the door open. She slips in first but he’s on her heels. Together, they make it to the office and wait their turn to meet with Taylor.
When they sit side by side across from her, she seems to be more welcoming.
“You two look happy,” Taylor says.
“Relieved,” Steve answers, “Glad to have the weight lifted.”
“You haven’t signed yet,” Taylor says with a smirk.
“The weight is lifting,” Nancy says.
Taylor smiles and leans forward. She slides the papers across the desk, directly in front of her. She looks down, reading over the decree. The dissolution of marriage for no other reason than maybe they weren’t even in love. At least that’s the way it is for her.
She looks at him and says, “I’m so sorry, Steve. I didn’t mean to steal so much of your life.”
“That’s ok,” he says, reaching over and putting a hand on her knee, “I got the better end of the deal.”
“Sure you did,” she says, laughing.
Taylor hands her a pen and she signs where the yellow arrow points. Taylor flips the page. She signs. Taylor flips the page. She signs. Taylor flips the page. She signs. It goes on until the stack is down to 1. Taylor rebuilds the stack and slides it in front of Steve.
“Your turn,” Taylor says.
Steve takes the pen from her. He signs where the blue arrow points. Taylor flips the page. He signs. Taylor flips the page. He signs. Taylor flips the page. He signs. It goes on until the stack is down to 1. Taylor rebuilds the stack and pulls tt back across the desk.
“It’s official guys,” Taylor announces, “I just have to get a judge to sign off on them. Then you are no longer married under the court of law.”
“See?” Steve says, grinning at Taylor, “Weight lifted.”
“Thank you so much,” she says.
They shake hands. Steve copies her. She picks up on something. They walk out but she stops in the lobby, noting that there isn’t anyone around. She turns back to Steve.
“Was it just me,” she starts, “Or did our divorce lawyer give you the look?”
“Did she?” Steve asks.
“You should ask her out,” she says.
“Hm,” Steve thinks.
“The worst she can do is say no,” she says, “Go for it.”
Steve practically jumps into action. He knocks on the office door and goes back into it. She wanders outside and leans against the hood of her Subaru. The one that Robin convinced Steve was a fantastic car. That’s how she got it.
He comes back out a few minutes later with a grin.
“Did she say yes?” She says.
“She said yes,” Steve announces. He pulls her into a hug. She hugs him back. “Tomorrow night? Is that ok with you?”
“Of course it’s ok,” she says, “We can help you pick an outfit.”
He rolls his eyes.
She picks up her kids on the way home. The night is normal. She doesn't see Robin. But she comes over the next day while she's at work. She has lunch with Steve and the kids then hangs out with them. It's nice to be greeted warmly.
They sit on Steve's bed to help him pick an outfit, but Robin does most of the picking. He wears a yellow sweater and a pair of black pants. When he leaves, Robin vows to steal that sweater someday soon. They wave Steve off like a couple of proud parents.
"Is this lawyer hot?" Robin asks, leaning a hip against the kitchen counter.
"Yeah, she's pretty," she says.
"Good," Robin says, "He deserves someone pretty."
"I agree," she says.
"Bet she isn't as pretty as you," Robin says, beaming down at her.
She feels a blush in her cheeks. Robin leans down, palm braced on the counter top. Their lips touch. Her hands flatten against Robin's stomach.
"Mommy?" Caleb says. They pause. She slides her eyes open and quirks an eyebrow. She pulls back and turns her gaze to him. "Can we go to the arcade?"
For a moment, she thinks of Max. She thinks of picking her brother up from the arcade, just a few times, and seeing Max ride off on her skateboard. She thinks of sitting next to her, a young girl, illegalizing a weapon so she can take out a monster that ultimately kills her. Her breathing feels short.
"You ok, babe?" Robin asks, hand moving to her neck.
"Yeah," she says, gaze fluttering to her girlfriend's, "Fine. I'm fine. Do you want to go?"
"We can," Robin says, smiling softly.
So they do. Robin takes the stairs so fast that she thinks the woman is going to fall, She comes back down carrying Delilah. They all get their shoes and jackets, gloves and hots, and pile into Nancy's car. She drives them to the arcade. It's been updates over the years. It nearly shut down twice. She wrote an article the last time that brought it back to life a little bit. She had to do it for Max.
She parks the car. Delilah holds Robin's hand as they walk inside. Caleb buries his hands into his pockets. The place is a little busy but not overly busy.
Robin gets them some coins. She hands some over while Caleb drags the woman off to the air hockey table. She follows Delilah around and puts the coins in when her daughter finds a game that she wants to play. She helps a little bit, but Delilah is pretty smart and independent. She figures the games out quickly. She glances over at Robin and Caleb, watching them. Her heart warms that the woman she loves makes everyone in her house, in her family, so happy.
They aren't at the place for very long, maybe an hour, before Delilah gets hungry. She tells Robin who coaxes Caleb into leaving. They go to a diner for some food. They sit across from each other. Caleb sits beside her and Delilah sits beside Robin. Delilah is touching Robin almost the entire time. Her girlfriend touches her foot under the table. Robin even takes Delilah to the bathroom when asked. It makes her heart swell.
Seeing Robin with her children, she knows that nothing with anyone else ever would have worked. When they get back to her house, they even get the kids ready for bed together. They bathe Delilah and, while she helps Caleb clean up, Robin reads to her daughter in her bedroom. Once they're all in bed, she drags her girlfriend downstairs to watch a movie on television, entwined together on the couch under a blanket.
By the time Steve gets home, she's fallen asleep in Robin's arms.
🌈
One year later...
By now, they've come up with some kind of routine. Robin comes over to their house a few nights a week. She grades her papers at the kitchen table. On the couch. In Nancy's bed.
Sometimes, she goes over to Robin's apartment. But not as often as they did before. Maybe once a week. Or less. Because now, they don't go to the bar every week because Robin wants to spend time with Caleb and Delilah. She wants to celebrate birthdays. She wants to go with Nancy to her mom's house and hold her hand on top of the table. Because not only is she bold, but she gets a kick out of seeing that look in her mom's eye. It's hard to argue because Delilah is usually hanging off of the othe hand.
They are careful when they kiss a little too deeply in the laundry room. Or when Robin slips between her thighs and presses their bodies together in her bedroom. There's always a mindful moment where Robin stops and thinks the kids could walk in at any moment.
At some point over the last year they had a conversation about that one time Robin dated a single mom. Before her. A long time ago. When Nancy lived in Chicago and Robin wasn't actually out to her.
At some point over the last year, Steve got his groove back. He didn't really date Taylor long term. They did go out a few times. Steve even informed them that they had sex a few more times than that. But it fizzled out. He went on a few more dates. He became Hawkins eligible bachelor like he was before they got married. He's dating a woman named Rachel now.
That takes him out of the house. It leaves them to live in domestic bliss. She's pretty sure that he isn't coming home tonight.
She looks at Robin beside her and thinks about the last year. She thinks about how perfect everything has been with them. Sure, they've had a few arguments, but they weren't too serious. She thinks about how seeing Robin a few nights a week doesn't feel like enough.
So, without thinking, she says, "Move in."
It's her fault because Robin is deep into a book. She doesn't mean to say it anyway. When Robin pulls those beautiful eyes off of the page, she looks at Nancy like she doesn't quite understand what she means. She probably didn't hear her.
"What?" Robin says.
She has the opportunity now to pretend like she didn't say what she said. But she doesn't think she wants to take it back. She repeats, "Move in with me. Uh, us."
"You want me to move in?" Robin asks.
"I want to fall asleep beside you and wake up with you every day," she says. Robin puts her book down. She doesn't even think that she marks where she's reading. Robin turns towards her, pulling one knee up and leaning back against the pillows. "The mornings when you're here, everything runs smoother than without you. It's like everything makes sense and it feels right."
"It does," Robin says.
Robin smiles and reaches over, finding her hair and digging those fingers into it. Hand tightening in her hair, the woman pulls her forward until their mouths touch. She finds herself being pulled into the woman's arms and she spreads out over the woman.
She pulls back and says, "Is that a yes?"
"Never thought I would say yes to moving in with my girlfriend, her kids, and her ex-husband," Robin says, "But yes. I would love to live with you guys."
A month later, they're moving pieces of furniture out of their house and some of Robin's furniture into the house. Her clothes are moved into Nancy's bedroom. Some of her stuff is moved up into the spare bedroom across the hall from the kids' room. They fit some of the bookshelves into her room and Robin's boxes of books are put in front of the shelves in wait to be put up. It's a new adjustment, but it definitely makes her room feel more lived in.
The kids are at her mom's house.
She's sweating when she collapses onto the bed, laying out across it to let her body breathe beneath the fan. Soon after, Robin and Steve carry Robin's dresser into the bedroom and she wonders how they're going to make everything work. She'll figure it out. She has to. It's the least she can do after all of the sacrifices everyone else is making for her. She watches them set it down.
"You're not being very helpful," Steve teases her, smacking her ankle as he walks by.
"But you are being cute," Robin says. Robin stops and slides her hands up the length of her body until they're circling her wrists. Robin presses down against her, kissing her hotly. Everything about this room is hot right now. "Almost done."
"Thank god," she murmurs.
"Then I'm all yours," Robin says.
"Finally," she says.
Robin laughs and pushes off of her. She watches the woman walk away and disappear into the garage. There are a few things that'll stay in there for now while they all decide what they want to keep and what they are comfortable parting with. Steve's car is in the garage and hers is parked behind his. Right now, Robin's car is behind hers so the moving truck can be in the driveway too but when that's gone Robin's car will probably stay next to hers.
A few minutes later Robin comes back and says, "We're gonna drop off the u-haul and we'll be right back."
"Ok, baby," she says.
When they leave, she starts going through the boxes of books. There's 4 different book cases that now line the entire wall closest to the door. Her chair still sits in the corner on the other side of the room on the other side of her nightstand. Across from her bed is her dresser and directly beside that is the door to her bathroom which leads to the closet. It's a large walk-in closet. Robin's television now sits on her dresser.
She sorts the books. They're all in different languages. Although, most of them are in English. There are a few on sexulity that she had never noticed before. She thinks about that one Friends episode that Ross said Carol and Susan had a lot of books about being a lesbian. It's that episode that had made her revisit her own sexuality. She puts some of the books on the shelves. She hears the garage door open and Robin and Steve come back inside.
"We're back," Robin announces. She comes into the room, their room. It isn’t just her bed anymore. It’s their bed now. Robin wraps those arms around her waist. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Just being helpful,” she says teasingly.
She turns in Robin’s embrace to face her girlfriend. Robin leans down and kisses her. It’s eager, with tongue and hands gripping her ass. She slips her arms around Robin’s neck. She giggles as Robin picks her up. The woman lays her on the bed slowly, easily slotting between her thighs as they kiss.
“We have to pick up the kids,” she murmurs. She wraps her legs around Robin’s hips. Robin slides both hands up and into her hair. She shivers. “I love you so much.”
“I love you so much,” Robin repeats.
Robin slides the tip of her nose along hers before she kisses Nancy softly.
She doesn’t know if life could get any more perfect than this. She’s in love. Everyone she loves the most is now living beneath the same roof. Her kids are happy. She’s happy.
She’s happier than she’s ever been.