Chapter Text
“John… we need a pail.”
The statement doesn’t quite make it through the hazy fog of the aftermath as you coast from bliss to an exhausted calm. Your hips and thighs ache. With the last of your strength you push yourself off of Karkat and roll over onto the cool floor. The motion causes you to slide out of his nook and you shudder against the cold air now hitting your groin. You can feel warm thick gobs of something slide down the inside of your thighs.
“They’re under the bed.” He pants.
Karkat is sort of pushing your arm, trying to make you get up. But, because you didn’t really hear him the first time you don’t really understand why he wants you to move. You’re perfectly content to just fall asleep right here with your head sorta next to the toilet.
“Nngh... What?” You manage to ask through garbled lips.
“Johnnnnn!” He groans insistent. “I’m not fucking kidding. It hurts!”
“WHat!?!!” You sit up a little too quickly and just narrowly avoid smacking your head on the edge of the sink. Karkat pushes at your back now that your shoulder is out of reach.
“Go get the fucking bucket!” His groan is more pained.
You pull yourself to your feet, legs a little shaky. You take a step and trip over Karkat’s sprawled legs, managing to face plant through the open door onto the wood floor of the dressing room. Fuck. Somehow you quickly recover, nose throbbing, and hobble over to the bed in the corner. Dropping to your knees, you pull back the sheet and peer under the bed.
There isn’t much to be seen. A few boxes are carelessly strewn among what looks like discarded clothing but nothing else. You reach for one of the light grey boxes and pull it out into the light. It’s an album box filled with pre signed band cut outs. You take another quick glance beneath but there’s nothing else to be seen. Where’s the bucket?
You walk back over to the bathroom and poke your head in the door. Karkat has curled up into a ball. The look on his face is making you panic a little bit. Is he really in that much pain? If this happens after every time you two have sex, you may never do it again.
“Karkat. I can’t find it. There isn’t anything under your bed.”
He whines something unintelligible.
“What was that?”
“Shit.” He writhes a moment and looks between your feet at the bed. “Are you sure?”
You glance back.
“There are some boxes. It looks like they just have CD’s and that kind of thing in them. I didn’t see anything that resembles a bucket.”
His eyes squeeze shut and he contorts his face in nothing short of what you imagine to be worse than a ball shot.
“Argh... Damit Sollux!” He snarls. “Always stealing my fucking pails!”
Taking another glance around the room, you don’t find anything that could be useful.
“Um... feel free to be totally upset by this, but if we don’t have a pail... could you just use the toilet? I’m not sure how this works.”
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’M NOT USING THE TOILET! I CAN’T EVEN FUCKING MOVE!”
“Well then how would you expect to use a bucket?!” You don’t mean to shout back, but it just sort of happens. “Ok... what if I like- picked you up- would it work then?”
He shakes his head, panic plain on his face.
“I can’t.”
“You can’t what? Karkat this is ridiculous. You look like you were just hit by truck! We need to do something.”
“G-go get Sollux, or Porrim.”
Your jaw drops. This is unbelievable.
“Karkat! I am NOT about to just waltz out there and tell the whole band we just had sex! That is definitely not a thing that is about to happen.”
Karkat growls in frustration. His eyes dart up at you pleadingly and you return his pleading with a firm No! You are so done with this. So he’s a little uncomfortable, it can’t be that bad can it? Like when you really have to pee but there’s nowhere to go and your bladder hurts like all get out. You’ve been there before during Bio 238. You’re an experienced veteran of crossing your legs. Karkat will just have to suck it up. You pull your lips tight with determination and bend over, placing a hand on his shoulder and maneuvering the other under his chest from the back. He jerks away from your touch and squirms.
“Gog no! Don’t you fucking dare!”
“What other option do we have? Cause I’m not going out there and you can’t make me! You can sit here and be miserable, or use the toilet and we’ll never speak of this again. Make your choice.” You let go of him and take a step back. Folding your arms across your bare chest you make your stand.
“You’re supposed to be my matesprit. Why won’t you just go get someone? Or at least ask for a pail?”
Your hand hits your face and you sigh.
“I am your matesprit... Would you really not be the slightest bit mortified if I were to go out there and tell someone that you were stuck on the bathroom floor because we had sex? Why would you even keep having sex if this is what happens afterwards? I don’t get it.”
“Seriously? Are you asking for another bio lesson now?”
“I guess I am cause, this is making no sense to me whatsoever!”
You sink back onto the ground besides Karkat’s frame. It was story time and it had better be worth it... shit that sounded like something Dave would say.
Karkat shakes his head and mumbles curses.
“You trade nooks, okay!?”
“What? That doesn’t make any sense either!”
“You don’t both fill nooks at the same time! I mean, you can, but that’s a wiggler mistake. It’s better to fill and empty one and then fill and empty the other. You know, take turns.”
Your hands find themselves in your hair. This still isn’t answering any of your questions.
“But it still hurts the other one right? So why put each other through this!”
“Well if you have a good partner who has a pail ready it’s over fast. And why the fuck would you ask that!? Everyone wants to have sex!”
“Clearly!”
You almost want to punch Karkat in his beautiful face, this is stupid. Beyond stupid. It is quickly infringing upon being so stupid you're willing to actually get up and hunt down a pail in your birthday suit.
“God damn. Karkat why are you making this so hard?”
He huffs and fidgets with discomfort.
“I can’t begin to describe how much I resent you for even insinuating that I’m the one making this hard!”
His face twists into a condescending sneer.
“All you have to do is throw on something and walk two feet down the fucking hall and quietly pull someone aside and get a fucking pail.”
“Ok. You know what fine! I’ll do it. I will go get you a stupid bucket and then die from how stupid this is. Breaking news! It’s really stupid!”
You stand up again, looking around the bathroom floor for your boxers and glasses. Finding them you first push your glasses onto your nose and look back at Karkat. He’s scrunched up a little bit more with a mixture of anger, pain, and relief contorted onto his face. You sigh. This must be what kind of pity trolls mean when they talk about red feelings. It hurts you to see him like this.
“I’m sorry. I’ll just go get that bucket now.”
You turn back into the dressing room, one leg raised to pull on your underwear when the main door clicks. Instantly your hands dive to cover your shame and your face turns back to the familiar red that had graced it so much already tonight.
“Would you two keep it the fuck down? I’d tell you to get a room but clearly you lovebirdth have already-” Sollux Captor stops mid-sentence, inconspicuous grey bucket at his side. He just freezes, taking in the sight of you. Butt naked, boxers in hand, futilely trying to cover up your wangdoodle.
He regards you quietly for a moment, letting the silence grow between you, his visage apt of emotion. Your eyes wander to his right hand and the bucket he’s holding. Glory be to everything holy he brought a bucket! Now you wouldn’t have to ask for one and Karkat would be okay. Phew what a life saver!
Sollux quirks an eyebrow but says nothing. The nerves in your limbs twitch and tingle with nauseating realization. You used to wonder what went on behind those backwards 3D glasses but now it was killing you. Shit you’re so embarrassed! God damit he knows! He brought a fucking bucket because he thought you were fucking his friend and now he’s shamefully caught you in the act and seen almost every bare inch of you. A strained groan comes from the bathroom.
“I can see your shadow John. What the fuck are you waiting for? Twelfth Perigee?”
You are about to open your mouth in protest but Sollux beets you to it, still aptly beholding your beauty.
“It’th the pail fairy!”
Despite the inflection of his voice, he doesn’t even crack a smile or look the least bit disturbed.
“I hope you brought my fucking pail back you shitmongering pail snatcher!”
You can practically feel Karkat’s glare from the bathroom behind you. It makes you jumpy. Sollux just laughs lightly as if Karkat had told him something slightly humorous, like his shirt was on backwards.
“What are moirailth for? I hope you don’t mind that FF and I borrowed it.”
“I DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS!!! Hand the bucket over and get fucking lost you bulgewhoring globefondler! John, get your ass back in here!”
Sollux just doubles over with laughter and clutches his side. His brows furrow into amused arcs.
“Thay pleathe.”
There’s a growl echoing from the bathroom followed by an angry shout.
“Captor! You douching piece of shit, give John the bucket and leave!”
Sollux shakes his head.
“What’th that KK? You want me to leave you here to thuffer and take the bucket with me to make up for how rude you’re being? Well ok. If you thay tho.”
He shrugs and turns on his heel. What? Oh fuck is he really going to leave just like that?!
“You. Fucking. Nookstain! You know what pain I’m in! Stop fucking with me!”
Sollux stops and turns back around. He holds the bucket out to you and winks. Or at least you think he does. His eyebrow moves but it’s hard to tell with his glasses.
“Then thay it.” He insists.
“Oh fucking hell... FINE... Please... give John the bucket and get the fuck out of my dressing room!”
Sollux lets out a clipped chirp and his shoulders shake with the effort of suppressing more. He takes several steps forward. You shuffle step, expecting him to meet you halfway to pass off the bucket but then he stops, still seven feet across the room. He casually lifts up his arm and, after a brief moment of “what the fuck?” horror, the reason for this motion dawns on you. The bucket goes hurtling through the air directly at you at an alarming height.
Oh holy shit! If you catch it you’ll have to drop your boxers! But if you don’t.... People might find out you had sex and Karkat will kill you and then he’ll go back to prison and you’ll never see-
The bucket is suddenly upon you. Your brain kicks into autopilot and you reflexively reach up for the bucket like a highly trained athlete who was bred for catching stuff in midair! Only... you’re not an athlete and your hand-eye coordination is a negative thirty. The bucket falls at your feet with an ear shattering metal clank. It vibrates its metallic scream announcing to all John and Karkat are filling buckets! Come and see what all the noise is about! John is naked!
Every inch of you goes into a catatonic, mortified still. Sollux is beyond laughter. He’s click chirping like a fucked up cricket and heaving for breath, both arms desperately clutching his stomach. He takes off his glasses and wipes away mustard tears with the length of his arm. You see his di-colored red-blue pupiless eyes. A moment of shock attempts to reach you but you don’t have the capacity for it at the moment. As he takes another attempt at breathing, he looks at you and stops abruptly, verbalizing his surprise.
“Jeguth fuck!” His voice goes up an entire octave, laced with crazed laughter. “Ith that what human junk lookth like? God damn. No wonder KK couldn’t wait to fuck you.” He gives you an appraising look with his creepy eyes. Every cell in your skin crawls. You let go of the boxers to grab the bucket. You’re naked.
“Sollux, what are you still doing here! Leave! Now!!! And stop gawking at my matesprit you perv!!!”
“I’d thay I’m thpellbound, but thith ith jutht too much!” He whir chirps.
You find the part of your brain that controls your hands and you manage to hastily swipe them over your willy.
Sollux pauses in his laughter. He looks at the bathroom and frowns, suddenly serious again.
“Are you thure you’re alright KK? I don’t need to grab Porrim? Do you need thome athpirin or an ithepack or anything?”
“What I need is for you to get out! Thanks for caring but I would like to finish my business without knowing my perv of a moirail is hanging around cause he likes to watch.”
“Calm your tit’th athole. I’m going. Thith ith more pity than even I can handle. Good luck.”
He stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns shaking his head as he vacates the dressing room, psionically closing the door behind him.
As soon as the door clicked shut you grabbed the bucket off the ground and dash back into the bathroom. You sit at Karkat’s feet, the pail between your knees.
“Uh... now what?”
He’s pretty much exactly how you left him. He managed to rotate himself towards the door a little and so he’s more sprawled out onto his stomach then before. Besides that, Karkat’s state hasn’t really changed much. When he looks up at you, his eyes are filled with relief, most of the anger washing away from his features.
“Thank Gog. My nook is burning.” He grunts.
“Well. Then let’s do something to fix that.”
You move the bucket off to the side and scooch a little closer to Karkat. Leaning down you place a hand around his back and the other under his arm. Your intention was to lift him up of the floor, but he gives you a sharp hiss in response. You draw back from him with a questioning look. His eyes sort of glare back at you, unsure of what you’re trying to do. Again you have to wonder if this is what troll love feels like. Karkat looks so... helpless... All you want to do hold him in your arms and tell him everything will be ok, make sure he never has to give you that look again.
“John, why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m a crippled gimpfuck who needs to be in a plastic safety device.” The slits of his eyes narrow further in pointed contempt.
You let go of him and laugh.
“Karkat, It’s just... you look so pitiful lying on the ground. In your bathroom of all places. It’s like you’re a lost puppy or something.” You look into his eyes again. “I’m just trying to help.”
His expression softens and he sighs, looking twice as fatigued as he had just a moment ago. The only hint of emotion lingering is a tinge of apprehension.
“I know. Just warn me before you do anything, ok? I’m kind of on edge at the moment.”
His eyebrows dip into the most pathetic sad-face you had ever seen. Karkat was either at the lowest point of his life, or he was a skilled master at garnering your pity. You give him a small smile.
“Ok.” You lean down again. “I’m going to try and get you up onto your knees. You can hold onto me for support. I can’t imagine that this is going to be very easy for you.”
He clicks with a smirk.
“I’m giddy with anticipation.” His voice is full of sarcasm and you chuckle at the joke.
Wrapping your arms around Karkat’s torso again you take a deep breath. The troll hisses again but not as severe, more out of pain than rebellion. Well. Here goes nothing.
“On the count of three... One... two... three.”
With the last syllable you yank Karkat’s frame up off of the tiled floor. He lets out a small cry of discomfort but doesn’t do anything to stop you. You pull him to your chest, his arms now clutching at your neck and back. Ok. That wasn’t too bad. You take a moment to breathe, to let Karkat compose himself. Getting up so quick has probably sent blood rushing to his head. You smile. And away from somewhere else. You can feel his breathing steadying to keep rhythmic time with yours. He leans into you, exhausted already. Despite the situation, love washes over you and you bask in it, letting it submerge you. It heightens everything... his warmness, his closeness, your bare chests pressed together, his heartbeat wrapping on the door of your sternum... you let yourself be content, if only for a moment. A shudder from the troll in your arms brings reality and pity back to your senses, chasing off the tides of passion.
You figure it’s time to finally finish this. Despite how much you would like to stay in this position forever, your matesprit is hurting and you can’t stand it a moment longer. You’ll have other moments like this one. You both will.
After all, you smile to yourself, the show must go on.