Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

********
Hurrying away, Rodney hated that he felt guilty. Guilt! Not something he had much experience with, but he knew it when it twisted in his guts. Sheppard had looked so… Rodney didn't know the word, but he felt like he'd kicked a kitten.

Sheppard had been staring at Rodney's ass. Rodney was positive of that, and he'd just wanted to make it known that his previous offer of a blowjob was off the table. Of course, Sheppard had denied he'd ever wanted one, but Rodney knew that couldn't be true.

They never talked any longer, or shared a powerbar, and Rodney kept waiting for Sheppard to say something. Demand recognition for what he'd done to make Atlantis a home for them. He didn't.

Sheppard hadn't even bragged about all the ships he'd destroyed before nearly being burned to a crisp. Now there he was, looking like he'd been punched in the gut, but Rodney had never promised Sheppard anything, not a damn thing.

"Rodney?" Zelenka asked.

He didn't bother answering. He glanced back and saw Sheppard doing nothing but staring at his tray. Now Sheppard's face was blank. Rodney hurried to catch up with Zelenka. There were so many repairs to be made now that they had a ZPM.

"I never understood him," Rodney muttered.

Zelenka snorted. "You never tried."

*********

It was typical of John that he'd fixate on someone who wanted nothing to do with him. "Way to go, John," he mumbled under his breath, putting his tray in the dirty pile. He was also pretty sure a few people were looking at him with actual sympathy. He much preferred the few glares of resentment from scientists who wanted all military drop-kicked out a space gate.

Forcing himself not to slink, he got the hell out of the cafeteria, vowing to eat more MREs in his room.

"Major Sheppard to the gateroom. Major Sheppard."

He walked faster, picking a spot to stand as far away from everyone else as was polite. Daniel gave him a bare nod. "Play it again, Rodney."

"Atlantis, this is the Not-the-Enterprise." They all heard a woman's laugh in the background. "We're on schedule to be there in a bit. We had to stop at a planet and get some new air, but we're all fine. Hope you're planning a party for us. O'Neill out."

"Obviously, they're carrying more than a full passenger load and taxing their life support system." Rodney waved his hand. "In a bit isn't an exact measurement."

Daniel smiled. "Three days, give or take. Recommendations on where they can land?"

"East Pier has more working transporters," Zelenka said. "Major?"

Surprised to be asked, John still nodded. "Less flood debris that way too. I'll take some people down there and make sure we're ready."

"You might want to take someone with an actual degree in engineering with you," Rodney said in a loud voice.

"Good idea. Rodney, go with them," Daniel said.

"Full gear," John said with a very false smile.

"Do I need my leash?" Rodney's venom made several people wince. John wasn't one of them. He contented himself with a shrug.

"The major threw it in the ocean," Daniel said. "And that reminds me, did we get all the collars off?"

Assuming his part of the meeting was at an end, John went downstairs and touched his radio. "Ford, get a team, gear up, and meet me at transporter eight."

"Yes, sir!" Ford always loved an adventure, even if it was in his own backyard. John counted on him to bring some C-4, but he did grab an extra round of ammo. Clipping on his P-90, he took several deep breaths and considered slapping himself several times. He could do this and not look like a complete idiot. He had to be able to work with Rodney. It was that or go hunt for Ancients with Dr. Weir.

Shuddering at that idea, he tucked away a few extra powerbars - for himself - and took his time getting there. Ford and a team were waiting for him. Rodney wasn't.

John tapped his ear bud. "Daniel, do I have to wait for McKay?"

"Yes."

"Damn." John found a wall to lean against. "Did Zelenka ever give you a report about his secret lab?"

"He and Dr. Beckett say they need more time." Daniel paused. "Should we send a jumper out to see what happened out at the satellite?"

"I don't recommend it. A couple of hidden darts and we'd be in trouble." John wouldn't let anyone go but himself. "Have the Daedalus swing by when they get here."

"Good idea." Daniel laughed. "And it's the Not-the-Enterprise."

"Got it." John quirked half a smile, seeing Rodney in all his grumpy glory coming towards them. "We'll check in once or twice, Sheppard out."

"'Bout time, McKay," Ford grumbled.

"I took the time to get the proper equipment," McKay groused right back at him.

"I'll get our six. McKay, lead the way." John made sure they wouldn't be in the transporter together, and then did his best to be as far back as possible. The thought that he was acting like a crybaby he firmly pushed away. He just didn't want to argue - that was all it was.

Whenever they came across broken furniture, John shoved it in the closest room. It didn't take more than twice before his men got the idea. They cleared hallways while Rodney stared at walls, ceilings, took readings, and generally complained while pronouncing that it was safe enough but he wouldn't want to live down here in the damp.

"Which brings me to this point - has anyone considered that all the people arriving will need rooms? They're not sleeping with me!"

"Gee, Ford, did we think of that?" John drawled.

"Pretty sure we didn't, sir." Ford shined his light up at the ceiling. "Major, use that super gene of yours and crank up the lights, will ya?"

John turned a circle, thinking the lights brighter, but they stayed low. "Not enough power."

"Too much damage to circuits," Rodney said with more than a hint of derision.

"Not much further." John almost felt like whispering. He opened the doors to the pier with relief, making sure they stayed open. It was sunny, cool, and a breeze whipped down the hallway. "We'll rig up some lights so no one panics."

"And by 'we' you mean 'me,' right?" Rodney gave everyone a good glare.

"Ford, do another sweep back to the transporter. This time, check every room." John kept his P-90 up and ready. For some reason, this hallway gave him the creeps, and he'd learned long ago not to ignore those feelings. He touched his radio. "Stackhouse, bring a jumper out and around to the East Pier."

"You don't really think there are still Wraith in the city, do you?" Rodney edged closer as the rest of John's men disappeared back the way they'd come. "I thought we were just telling people that to get their attention." He pulled a life signs detector from his vest and peered down at it. "No one but us."

"Have you seen the Daedalus? How much space will it need?" John tried to focus on that, instead of the itchy feeling crawling up his spine. They should've brought Teyla. Her Wraith sense was never wrong. He turned back, Rodney's silence worrying him. "Rodney?"

"Something weird here." Rodney peered down at the detector.

John saw the furrowed brow and slightly opened mouth. "Ford, I think we got Wraith. Cadman, seal off the city."

"Yes, sir!" Cadman's voice came through loud and clear.

"Raising the shield," Chuck said.

Teyla's voice burst into John's earbud. "Wraith!"

Before John could do more than step in front of Rodney, there was a blur of movement to their right. Rodney made a choked sound of fear, and John instinctively went left. There was no time to think, but fury pounded through him. All the anger and rage that he'd bottled up boiled out of him, and when his P-90 jammed, he emptied his 9-Mil, and the damn thing was on him.

Something slammed into him, and then blew through him, and his last thought was for his knife.

*********

It was the quiet that woke John up. The sound of nothing was loud in his ears, and he lay there motionless, trying to hear something. Something that would reassure him that he wasn't dead. He arched his back, reaching desperately for Rodney.

"Hold on, John. Hold on."

The blistering hot touch was enough, and he crashed without any regrets.

*********

"Nothing quite like going from the frying pan to the fire," someone drawled.

"He saved my life." That was Rodney, who wasn't yelling for a change, and John wanted to go to him, but nothing in his body worked.

"Not exactly a point in his favor."

*********

"Decided to join the land of the living, lad?"

John pushed weakly at the blanket. He'd been awake nearly three seconds and all he could feel was a crushing sense of claustrophobia. He needed out and away. "I want to leave."

"Major, lie down now." Carson pushed at him, and he gathered his strength to shove him away and swing his legs over the bed. "Major!"

"No!" John's skin blazed like someone had poured gasoline on him, and he needed to run. "I'm leaving!"

"Oh, Christ." Carson radioed for help, and John fumbled off the tape, pulling out the IV. The ceiling closed in, and Teyla was suddenly right there. John grabbed her close.

"Teyla, you have to help me. Take me to New Athos," John growled, fighting his way to his feet.

"Major, the doctor wishes for you to remain here," Teyla said in her most patient voice.

"No." John rubbed his aching chest, remembering the claws as they drove into him. "Please, Teyla. You have healers. Take me there."

"Major!"

Some lingering sense of duty made John straighten his back. "General O'Neill."

"Lie down, and that's an order!"

John forced his brain to spit out a solution around the panic that gripped him. "I'm on medical leave, and I choose to spend it under the care of the Athosians." John tore off the sensor that clung to his hand, seeing them all take a step back. "Sir."

Everyone seemed to freeze, and John felt his blood racing around his body. He saw stunners come up in slow motion, and he ran, but he didn't turn loose of Teyla. He needed her help to get off the city. He stopped at the transporter. "Are we going?"

"I believe we are." Teyla's eyes were wide, shining, and she'd never betray him. "Daniel, the major and I are going to New Athos. Please dial the gate."

The transporter put them close to the gateroom, and every hair on John's body stood up as he stepped from cover. She put up her hands. "Do not fire!"

The wormhole engaged, and John nearly kissed the vortex, bolting for safety. He knew they were after him, and he ran deep into the forest. Running, running, all that mattered was running.

*********

Halling found him, slumped against a fallen tree, and John didn't have strength to run another step. He shook and shivered, leaning on him with no shame, and while nothing made sense any longer, he appreciated the steadying hand on his back when he fell down to vomit.

"I have heard stories of men who went insane after being fed upon for only an instant," Halling said, helping him up. "Do you remember if this happened, John Sheppard?"

"No. Yeah." John scrubbed his hand over the scars on his chest. "Someone shot me too."

"It is healed." Halling suddenly had more people helping, and John let them carry him to the village. Never had a big pile of furs seemed more welcome. He collapsed, feeling a million years old and wanting only to sleep. He hadn't slept in forever, but his skin wouldn't stop jittering, and his heart raced, and vomiting was no fun.

"I'm not insane," John croaked.

"I see that." Halling wet a rag and brushed it over John's face. "Dr. Beckett is very upset."

"I bet he is." John didn't remember anything but running. "Teyla?"

"I am here." She dropped the tent flap and knelt at his side. "You are ill."

John didn't think so. This felt more like what he'd read about crack addicts and withdrawal. His hands shook, and he craved… something. He didn't know what but he needed it now. "The Wraith--"

"Dr. Beckett believes it injected you with something he is calling the Wraith enzyme. It is to keep us strong enough to be fed upon." She tucked the furs and blankets close around him. "He also believes it is highly addictive."

"This is gonna suck." John wanted to claw his eyes out, but at least he didn't want to run any longer. "Please don't take me back."

"We will not unless we must, but I am certain Dr. Beckett will come here now that we have found you." Teyla washed John's face as if it were the most important task in the world. "I can feel your heart pounding."

"I hurt," John croaked, trembling and trying to pull the furs closer. "Can't sleep. Can't eat."

"You will be fine," she whispered. "Rest. I will stay with you."

He shuddered violently, waiting for his skin to peel off or something else awful to happen. Wraith enzyme - it even sounded bad.

*********

His throat hurt from screaming, and every muscle ached from trying to fly out of his body. All he wanted was to die, and they just wouldn't let him.

"Easy, lad."

Cursing and yelling at him made no difference, and John wasn't up to any more of that. "Gun."

"What did he say?" Carson asked.

Swallowing pain, John couldn't even manage to say it again.

"I believe he asked for a gun," Teyla said.

********

BDUs, black T-shirt, black socks, and one piece at a time John tried to put himself back together. He was missing a few chunks, but he no longer felt like ripping his skin off so he counted it as a good day. Carson said a lot of things about time and recovery, and he tried to believe. Sliding his shirt down over his chest, he told himself again that the scars would fade, and then sat down to put on his boots. On his feet again, he found the belt and pulled it tighter by a notch.

"Major?"

John skimmed his hand through his hair for no reason. "I'm ready." He turned and saw the slight flinch. "I can see fine."

Stackhouse nodded a little too energetically. "That's what the doc said."

They'd brought him back to Atlantis to save him, and he'd never thank them for it. Carson had shown him the enlarged black pupil that now passed for an eye, and he supposed it was too late to stab it out. The Wraith had left their mark on him, in him.

"Another damn meeting," John muttered. He wasn't sure if Stackhouse was supposed to escort him, but he knew the way. People winced away, some gasping, and he wished someone had gone ahead and posted his new look on the cafeteria bulletin board.

Conversation stopped when John stepped inside the conference room, and he took a seat without saying a word to anyone.

"Let's get started," Daniel said. "First, Major John Sheppard, I'd like you to meet Dr. Samantha Carter."

"Nice to meet you," she said with a smile. "And thank you."

Somewhat confused because he didn't know half the people in the room, John went with a small nod. "Glad you're here." He wanted to get the painful part of this over with and done. "General, as you've taken command, I'm certain my presence isn't required at this meeting."

"You'd be wrong," O'Neill said with a smile. "I suffer. You suffer. Daniel, go ahead and talk until our ears bleed."

Daniel grinned in a mean way. "Glad to. Carson has informed us that you have some memory loss, Major."

John gave him a terse nod, trying not to flush. He felt like a damn lab rat, everyone staring at him.

"I'm more than sure that it'll resolve itself soon enough," Carson said. "But you may need a refresher course as we go along, Major."

John looked around the table, seeing who would meet his eyes and who pretended to be busy elsewhere. Teyla smiled in her honest way, and John was glad he hadn't forgotten her.

"Instead of all of us staring at Sheppard, let's discuss our imminent death, shall we?"

"McKay has an excellent point," O'Neill said.

Filing the name away for later, John leaned back, forced his body to be still, and listened. He didn't have anything to add at any point so he stayed quiet, glad when coffee and sandwiches were delivered and they took a short break. It gave him a chance to step outside into the fresh air and take several deep breaths.

"If the claustrophobia gets bad, Major, let me know, and I'll make your excuses," Carson said from behind him.

"Oh, please, you never do that for me!"

John stayed turned away, breathing and sipping his coffee. For some reason, he had a memory of his father telling him to always drink it black. Cream and sugar was for cereal, not coffee. Those words spilling from his father's mouth were more real than the people around him.

"Major? Major!"

Fast, he turned, seeing instant worry on their faces.

"It's time for another one of your crazy plans, Major." The man named McKay raised his chin, blue eyes flashing.

Frowning, John saw the scientist was more than serious. He'd had plenty of time to think while recovering in the hospital, and he'd only come up with one idea. "The Ancients hid the city. We need to do the same."

"But we don't know how they sank it!"

"What we really need is--" Zelenka started.

"A cloak!" Fingers snapped several times.

Sam got in the mix then, and John ducked back into the conference room to snag a sandwich. He ate it next to Teyla, enjoying her quiet company.

"You are feeling well?" she asked.

He leaned and whispered in her ear, "I don't know some of these people."

Teyla stepped almost on his boots and quietly put names with faces for him. "I do not know the bald man in the green uniform either."

"That's Colonel Caldwell, kids," O'Neill whispered, smirking. "The Daedalus was his before I stole it and renamed her the Enterprise."

John looked him up and down, not quite understanding but willing to take a chance. He moved around the table and stuck out his hand. "Major Sheppard."

"Colonel Caldwell." They shook hands, and Caldwell didn't move away. "And she's still the Daedalus."

John sensed that was an argument he should stay out of. There were so many things he didn't know, but only one thing he wanted to ask. "Weren't you mad? About the whole hijacking thing?"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." Caldwell gave an easy shrug. "We could discuss it over chess tonight."

Hiding his surprise, John considered and then nodded. "Be a pleasure, sir."

"Okay, people, we're going to continue with senior staff only!" Daniel smiled. "Everyone else can run for their lives."

They did, and John followed, very sure that he wasn't senior staff, half the people in the room outranked him. A hand on his shoulder pulled him up short.

"Hey, Sheppard, don't think you get out of this." McKay snapped.

John shoved McKay's hand away, hating the touch on skin that still felt too tight. "Back off."

Everyone froze, Carson sucked a breath, and McKay drew himself up. "I always suspected under that Quaker goodness you were hiding a foul temper."

Forcing himself to stay calm, John kept his voice level. "I don't know you, and my religion isn't something you're allowed to mock. Back off," he enunciated the last two words very clearly. He saw fear flash across McKay's face.

"Sheppard, why don't you go with Carson?" O'Neill slid between them. "Rodney makes me want to murder people on a good day, and for you, this might not be such a great day."

"Aye," Carson said.

"No more sedatives," John growled, glad when McKay moved away. "Not my fault the guy's grabby."

"Very true." Carson stayed behind him the entire way, and he groaned when the needle came out, but he didn't complain.

"I'm going to my quarters, Carson," John said firmly when his blood had been taken again for the thousandth time.

"Do you remember where they are?" Carson didn't look intimidated.

The image of Rodney McKay, clad only in boxers jumped up in John's memory, and John blinked. "No."

"I thought not." Carson ditched John at the door to his quarters, and John found himself reluctant to go inside.

It'd just be another cramped room, but this one with his clothes inside. Instead, he made his way out to the East Pier, wanting to see her. He'd read the reports in the hospital. They'd landed without incident, four hundred souls on board, all desperate to get off and breathe deeply. Their complement had been mostly made up of scientists, but with a few select military men O'Neill had handpicked.

John had to admit that O'Neill didn't go small when he stole military transport. He stopped a good distance away, trying to get a sense for her lines. She was boxy but sleek and he approved of the big bays that most likely held fighters.

"Like her?"

Not surprised, John nodded. "She looks like a fine ship, Colonel. It's probably a good thing you threw General O'Neill off. He'd definitely want to keep her."

Caldwell laughed. "He's greedy that way." He gave John a long look. "I have to admit that I thought you'd be angry about losing Atlantis to him."

The truth wasn't an easy thing to pin down. "She was my first command," John said, not sure what he wanted to reveal. He kept his eyes on the ship. "I thought we'd all die, so it's a win, right?"

"Is it?" Caldwell wasn't giving him an easy out. "She's a beautiful city."

"That she is." John turned to look back at her, putting them almost face to face. "Did we know each other before?"

"We'd met in passing. I made sure to glower." Caldwell assumed an easy parade rest. "We rescued everyone we could get a lock on, but we stopped before we left the galaxy."

"To see what the military was doing about the loss of its assets," John said, mind twirling with possibilities. He was afraid for those left behind. "And other countries? How did they react?"

"Maybe I didn't make myself clear. We didn't limit ourselves to the United States. Most of our scientists came through from Cheyenne Mountain." Caldwell nodded at John's look of surprise. "Russia had the most, but thanks to Sam we were able to lock on to the collar's signatures and beam them out. They were given the choice. Most stayed, a rare few went back."

John could picture the chaos and mix of languages. "Did the Apollo try to stop you?"

"Colonel Ellis had been conveniently ordered to investigate a Goa'uld problem." Caldwell smirked, clearly enjoying his story. "The Prometheus is out on a long patrol."

"So what happened?" John was ready for the ending. "Did they start killing people?"

"Nothing happened." Caldwell gave an easy shrug. "No news. Nothing. I think O'Neill is hoping that we can open a dialogue at some point."

"I want a tour of your ship," John said, not wanting to say how ridiculous an idea that was. "And you and I both know that our government will just go out and round up some more bright people and collar them."

"They might." Caldwell led the way. "Can you see out of that eye? I don't want to get in your blind spot."

"It's light sensitive, but my vision is still perfect." John thought it might even be a touch better. He liked that Caldwell just came out and asked instead of making assumptions. They walked up a ramp that came down from one of the fighter bays, and he had to stop to admire the 302s. "Nice."

"I almost had to dump them, and that would've been a damn shame. As it was, people slept under them." Caldwell didn't crowd him. "Good thing I was never claustrophobic!"

John trailed his hand along the side of one, enjoying the feel of the cool metal. His emotions were flying all over the place today, and while he knew it was a lingering side effect of the enzyme, he hated feeling out of control. "Were you a handler?"

"Yes." Caldwell tilted his head, shifting on his feet. "You were too."

"I don't remember it," John snapped, angry instantly, but a memory of Rodney, leashed and looking scared jumped up and hit him right in the face. Rubbing his eye, he thrust the image away. "I bet I was an asshole about it."

Caldwell laughed, a shocking sound. "Not to hear Carson wax on about your patience and kindness. I was starting to think I'd hate you on principle."

Laughing was easy. "I bet that McKay guy tells a different story."

Now Caldwell eased closer, eyes wide. "You don't remember him?"

Ducking his head, John rubbed the back of his neck. "I feel like an idiot." He spotted a step of stairs shoved up against a 302 and had to trot up them. The inside was sweet, and he hopped aboard without asking permission.

"These could handle Wraith darts," John said, running his hands over the controls, not able to resist turning on the HUD. "Nice design."

"You can thank Sam Carter when you see her." Caldwell again stayed well back, not crowding into John's air space. "Get a clean bill of health from Carson, and you can take her up."

"That would be great," John said, thinking he'd found his new place on Atlantis. A sudden misgiving swept over him. "You're staying, right?"

"For now," Caldwell drawled. "We have a few Wraith ships knocking on our door, remember?"

They were outnumbered fourteen to one but John had faith that Rodney would hide them. The best minds from Earth were working on the problem. The Wraith were in trouble, whether they knew it or not. Abruptly realizing that Caldwell was waiting for an answer, John powered down and slipped out of the cockpit.

"Very cool. Let's go back and steal more." John tried for a smirk of his own.

Caldwell slid down the ladder in a manner worthy of any pilot, and John followed suit. They shared a grin, and John gestured at the door. "What's next?"

*********

Dinner and chess ended up back in the cafeteria, and John tried very hard to act casual. To act as if nothing in the world was wrong with him, and he didn't want to climb the walls or claw out his eye. He hoped he was pulling it off.

"Will these help?" Caldwell dug in a pocket and handed him some Aviators. "You seem a bit edgy."

John slid them over his eyes greedily and sighed when the light shifted enough to bring relief. It took him a minute to adjust to the varying light levels. "Thank you."

Caldwell chuckled. "Keep them."

"I owe you one." John moved his pawn, ready to let Caldwell win now. People came and went around them, and he began to relax.

"Checkmate in seven," Rodney shoved his way next to John, plunking his tray down. "And I mean him, not you, Sheppard."

The memory of dragging Rodney through Atlantis by a chain hit John so hard in the gut that he sucked in a breath before he caught himself.

"I thought it was eight," Caldwell drawled. "How are you, Dr. McKay?"

The name sent a small jolt up John's spine. He knew, like he knew the color of the sky that he'd hurt him.

"Fine. Fine. Sam and I, mostly me, have come up with a plan that's genius, if I may say so myself."

John tried to ease out a long breath. Caldwell raised his eyebrows. "When's the debriefing?"

"Soon." Rodney nudged John with his elbow, not intentionally. The touch made John wince, and he nearly bolted up to run. Rodney's mouth twisted down. "Sheppard always thought he was too good to have a slave."

Caldwell moved his bishop, and someone opened the doors to the balcony, and John watched dust motes dance by as his life, all his memories, slid back together.

"He threw my leash in the ocean!"

"Did you want to wear it?" Caldwell asked.

"Not the point. It was a piece of equipment! I could've used the parts in other projects." Rodney made a twisting motion with his hands. "It's not like we can send for supplies now!"

Jumbled memories fought for attention, cascading through John's mind, and his stomach roiled.

"Did you come over to complain? The major and I were enjoying a game."

John forced his lungs to expand, hunching his shoulders against the onslaught of his own brain.

"Enjoying a game, huh?" Rodney growled. The anger was easy to hear, and John could almost feel the weight of Rodney as they slept together in the gateroom, tucked out of the way of traffic. Rodney laughed sharp and loud. "Well, excuse the ex-slave for interrupting!"

"Major?" Caldwell reached and tapped John on the hand.

"Anyway, Sheppard already has a boyfriend, Caldwell. You'll have to get in line behind Peter Pan."

Keras and the children swam in front of John's eyes, and they loved Rodney, and John did too, and it sent him spiraling to the floor. He landed on his hands and knees, panting from lack of air. Voices rose, a breeze caught his hair, and his eye pounded. An achingly familiar hand landed on his back, and he twisted, falling into the black.

*********

"Is he okay?"

"He will be," Carson whispered. "You could go speak to him."

"He hates me now."

"Well, you've been a right ass."

John rolled the other way, trying not to listen, not to care. He snaked a hand up to his black eye and pressed, rubbing.

"Awake, lad?" Carson asked.

"Yeah." John didn't move. "I'm tired of your hospital, doc."

"Understandable." Carson walked around the bed. "Does it hurt?"

"Not right now." John sat up, wincing away from the strong light. "Where'd you put those sunglasses?"

Carson searched a bit and then handed them to him. "It may heal with time."

"Are you lying to me or yourself?" John got off the gurney and took a long stretch. "Anything else?"

"Get back in here if you experience any more trouble." Carson sighed. "I wish there was more I could do."

"Me too." John made sure he had everything and took his time getting out of there, checking in two corners to see if Rodney was still lurking. Everything had almost been easier yesterday when he couldn't remember. Now it was impossible to forget how much he cared, how much he wanted him.

Nothing stood between them but everything they had been to each other and all the stupid things that John had done, not to mention all the mean things that Rodney had said. John didn't see how he could fix any of it. His quarters were dark, practically dusty, and he pushed his sunglasses back on his head.

"Major Sheppard, please report to General O'Neill. Major Sheppard."

Glad he didn't have time to sit around and sulk, he strapped on his gun, swung on his jacket, and tried to look ready for duty as he went to the gateroom. It was time he find out what his assignment would be, no more waiting.

He found O'Neill camped out in Daniel's office, making a paper airplane while Daniel stared at a laptop. John wasn't sure what to do, sit or stand. He settled for asking, "Sir?"

"Sit down, Sheppard," O'Neill pushed a chair at him with a boot. "Are you done passing out for the day?"

"Hope so." John sat down, deciding not to worry about Daniel. "Did you want my office, sir? I can show you the way."

"Nah, I'll get something eventually." O'Neill threw the plane at Daniel. "I like this one, but Daniel keeps taking the desk."

"Not leaving." Daniel didn't even look up. "You hated your office anyway."

"That I did, but it was nice to have some place to set my coffee." O'Neill sighed "Major, I put a lot of faith in you, and you came through like a champ, but you've been worrying me lately."

John tried not to show his anger at being used. Ultimately, he'd made those decisions, but no one liked feeling manipulated. "I'm ready for re-assignment, sir."

"Daniel thinks we need to re-organize the military here. Form one branch. Make new rules." O'Neill suddenly got to his feet. "Balcony."

Following, John wasn't sure what to say. He agreed, but he didn't want the job of doing it. "I like being Air Force, sir."

"Me too." O'Neill leaned against the railing. "I outrank you, but you know Atlantis and I don't, and your gene is stronger than mine."

"I doubt that." John didn't like the way this conversation was going. "You're in command, General."

"Am I? The men seem to be waiting for you to say something, do something. You earned their loyalty with hard work." O'Neill shook his head. "I hate to agree with Daniel. You have no idea how much I hate that, but let's start from scratch. You're our base commander. I can be the high Pooh-Bah or something. Mostly, I want to fish and play around with Daniel and Sam."

Stunned, swinging between chagrin and anger, John just stood there, uncertain what to say. He wanted to be happy about this, but he wasn't feeling it. "You don't want command?"

"Not my style. Ask Daniel." O'Neill grinned. "We have a fairly small contingent of military here. You do the work. I'll sit around and complain."

"I'm not sure, sir." John gripped the railing hard, knowing he'd do it, and he'd never wanted to give up his city, but he wasn't agreeing to anything yet. "Are we going back to Earth?"

"Maybe. Depends." O'Neill looked crafty for a second and then it smoothed away. "We don't leave people behind, Sheppard."

On that they could agree, and Sheppard nodded with satisfaction. A memory smacked him hard, and he had to catch a breath. "Did we get Rodney's sister?"

O'Neill looked away, and that said it all. "She wouldn't come. We'll try again."

There was nothing to say to that. John put his back to the ocean and adjusted his sunglasses. O'Neill shrugged and then abruptly went inside. He didn't look back. "Come on, Sheppard. We have a ton of work to do."

"We?"

"Meaning you." O'Neill flicked Daniel's ear. "That's for being right."

"Later, Jack," Daniel promised darkly. "Sit down, John. We have to get organized."

Looking at them together, John finally understood. They operated as a unit, and no doubt Sam and Teal'c would be along at some point. He was very sure they had long-term plans that they would never share until the last minute, if at all.

"How did I end up working for you guys again?" John grumbled.

*********

Sleep became a luxury as they watched the hive ships draw nearer. Lt. Ford was put in charge of the Alpha site, and he seemed glad to be gone from Atlantis. Stackhouse was transferred to the Daedalus to work with Caldwell, and Cadman was put in charge of the operational side of the military. Leroy took over as security chief, and everyone answered to John, who reported to O'Neill, who spent way too much time smirking.

John considered complaining once or twice, but he was too busy working and trying not to think about Rodney. They had three hundred and fifty scientists now, compared with only sixty military men and women. Food was going to be a problem long term, but Teyla was determined to help in that area, and he counted her as a blessing every day. They'd be so screwed without her.

"Commander, why don't you go sleep for eight?" Caldwell asked, finding John half-asleep in his MRE.

"I liked being a major," John grumbled, wanting to curl up on the bench. He always knew when he needed sleep because his eye started to pound. "And you get to be a captain? That is so unfair."

"I liked being a colonel." Caldwell sighed. "O'Neill just wanted to be an admiral."

Their eyes met and they started laughing. Fatigue made it hard to stop, even when people began to stare. Getting a hold of himself, John managed to get to his feet. "Two days?"

"Two until they hit our solar system," Rodney said, coming up behind him. "I haven't slept in four days!"

"Have you been raiding Carson's supply of uppers again?" Caldwell asked. Before Rodney could answer, John tried to nonchalantly wander away. He did need some sleep, and he'd better try now. His legs felt rubbery by the time he opened his door.

"Let me help."

Shock woke him up enough to stare and gape. He was fairly sure that he was hallucinating. "You?"

"I could go get Caldwell," Rodney said as he pushed him into the room. John weakly batted at Rodney's hands as he was stripped to his boxers and led to the bed. Rodney pointed. "Sleep."

John groaned but got under the covers. He'd never been more confused. "Rodney, your sister, I'm sorry."

Rodney sat at John's hip, looking away and then back. His face was still, vulnerable. "I am too. She loves her soldier. He teaches at the local university, and they have a daughter."

Not knowing what to say was John's life. He fumbled for Rodney's hand and held on tight. Rodney huffed, "Moron."

A word John had never been happier to hear. Maybe Rodney had forgiven him.

*********

"You see, you're a series of contradictions. You're a Quaker, who shoots people. You're smart, but you're in the military. You're more than willing to die for people who are complete idiots and don't deserve a kind word from you, much less your life! And why were you nice to me? Me!"

Opening his eyes, John moved fast, catching Rodney by the wrist and preventing him from running away this time. "Do you always talk to sleeping people?"

"Mostly you." Rodney licked his lower lip. "You scared the crap out of me. How do you move so fast?"

"I don't know. Something left from the bug juice." John perched on the side of his bed, not pulling Rodney from his chair. It was time for them to exchange more than insults. "I was raised a Quaker. I wanted to be in the Air Force, and my father never forgave me because it meant I'd be killing people. I trained myself to be an expert at firearms so I wouldn't accidentally kill people who weren't enemy combatants. It's the best I can do with the contradiction that is my life."

"But you bombed people," Rodney said. "From your plane."

"Never did. When I was sent to Afghanistan, I flew evac helicopters." John had never faced that dilemma, and he liked to think that he'd have walked away from flying before he'd have bombed faceless people. He went on to the next part of Rodney's diatribe. "The military does have some smart people in it, like Caldwell. You need to get over it. My job here is to protect everyone, not just the people I like, and I was nice to you because I was pretty sure you didn't sign up to be a slave."

"But I acted like an asshole," Rodney said, looking down. "On purpose to make you hate me."

"Yeah, I know." John still didn't blame him for it, not much at least. "Are we done?"

"The Quaker thing… your dad is angry?" Rodney furrowed his brow, the sign he was thinking hard.

"Furious. Quakers don't kill people, and we sure as hell don't join the Armed Services. He tried to talk me out of it for twelve years." John realized he was still holding Rodney's arm and slid his hand away. "All I wanted--"

"Was to fly," Rodney finished for him. "Was it worth it?"

No one had ever asked John that question, and it banged around in his heart before he found a few words. "Yes. And no," he said. "I made my choice, and I live with it."

"I never had choices until you gave them to me." Rodney fidgeted on his chair, glancing at the door. "I might've made some bad ones already."

"Welcome to my world." John plucked his ear bud off the side table and put it on, tapping it. "Sit rep, please, Leroy."

"We're five by five, Commander."

Rodney got up and started pacing. John was content to watch him for several long minutes, leaning back on his arms. He'd talked, and he wished he knew what Rodney was thinking. Having any hope for any kind of a relationship was a complete waste of time.

"So you've got a plan?" John went with the safe question, not the one he was thinking.

"It might even work." Rodney stopped, facing away from him. "I'm not sure I can trust you with anything but hatred and scorn. I thought we might be friends, but--" He broke off.

"It's safer to be mad. I get that." John stepped right up behind him. "I turned you down that time because there was no way you could consent. Hardest thing I ever did." He breathed a little faster at the thought of Rodney on his knees, willingly. "I'll shut up now."

Rodney's shoulders slumped. "Daniel and the others showed up, and it all became complicated. No one likes their handler. No one."

"Miko and Cadman got along all right," John said just to be contrary. "Leroy is living with someone that I'm pretty sure wore a collar. She's nice."

Whipping around, Rodney poked John in the chest. "And none of them had problems with the whole consent thing and collars, Oatmeal Boy!"

"They aren't me," John said. He managed not to slap Rodney's hand away. "And you were offering because you thought you owed me!"

"You're right. I was." Rodney shuffled a step back. "The eye is freaky."

Ducking his head, ashamed, John opened the door with a thought. "I need a shower. Go away."

It took a minute, but Rodney walked out the door, and before it managed to shut, he darted back inside and kissed John on the lips. Stunned, John didn't move. Rodney traced shaking fingers over John's Wraith eye.

"Thanks."

"Yeah," John breathed, forcing himself not to grab hold and ask for more kisses.

Then Rodney ran out the door, and John let himself smile.

*********

"Why are we whispering?" O'Neill asked.

"Because they're right over us!" Rodney whispered.

John smiled from his position in the chair, listening over his radio. He felt like whispering too. The Wraith had to believe Atlantis had set a self-destruct, and who knew what kind of technology they had. If they had life sign detectors, Atlantis was screwed.

They'd tossed every bit of debris they could find in the ocean, but they had no idea how cloaked they actually were. He made sure of his connection to the drones again, itching to fire, even if they couldn't win.

"What's going on up there?" John tried to sound patient.

"Give it a minute, Oat's 'n Honey."

"You shouldn't poke fun of his religion, Rodney," Daniel said, as if they weren't waiting to be destroyed by Wraith.

"He might kill you," O'Neill said in his slow way.

"Someone's dialing in!"

"Oh crap," Rodney said.

Panic gripped John's guts, and he hovered on the edge of firing.

"Can they hear that?" O'Neill barked.

"How can I know?" Rodney sounded frantic, and John held his breath, waiting for the signal to fire. Silence from the tower, and that was worse than insults.

"It's Dr. Weir's IDC!" That was Chuck.

"Do not drop that shield!" O'Neill commanded, and John felt like the entire base froze. His instinct argued with his good sense, and if he gave in, he could lower the shield from his position.

"I need some direction down here!" John put his lungs into it.

"Do not fire, Sheppard," O'Neill said. "Wait for it. Wait for it."

Everyone on the base heard the thump against the shield and then another and another. Shutting his eyes, John swallowed hard and listened for the command, nothing else.

"Jack," Sam whispered.

"It's not her," O'Neill said with commendable confidence. "She'd go to New Athos and Teyla."

Hoping that O'Neill was right was all John had. His fingers twitched. Three more thumps hit the shield, and Zelenka shouted, "They are breaking orbit!"

John forced his hands to unclench, but he didn't relax. "Rodney?"

"They're gone, John," Rodney said.

The gate shut down, John feeling it through the chair, and he disarmed the drones. His hands shook slightly from pressing them down so hard on the arms of the chair. "You did it."

"He had help," Sam said with considerable sarcasm.

"Get up here, Sheppard. We need to find out who was throwing themselves against our windshield," O'Neill said.

"On my way." John ran, burning off the adrenaline and clearing his head. By the time he got there, Cadman had a MALP ready to go, and they sent it through immediately. There was a long pause, radio transmission connected, and then a blast.

"Wraith," Daniel breathed.

"Rodney, get a nuke," John said with no hesitation.

"Radek!" Rodney pelted down the stairs. For once, not even arguing for a second.

O'Neill cleared his throat. "You gonna clear that with me, Commander?"

"I'll make my report later." John gestured to Chuck. "Keep that gate open." He tapped his ear bud. "Rodney, our lives sorta depend on this."

"Sam, go," O'Neill said, and she ran off too.

Minutes stretched, but when they pushed it into the gateroom, they were all running. Rodney, Sam, and Radek all talked at once, and they didn't wait for permission. They shoved it through, the gate dropped, and John trampled the desire to take a jumper and see what happened.

"Wish we could go watch," O'Neill grumbled. They shared a quick grin and ignored the looks of incredulity from all the scientists. "Oh well."

"I guess if they don't come back, then… we win?" Daniel furrowed his brow, staring off into space and nudging his glasses back. "Jack?"

"Don't hurt your brain, Daniel." O'Neill put an arm around him. "We'll be okay. We got Sheppard, and he's not afraid to use nukes. I like that in a man."

John's knees suddenly felt wobbly, and he leaned against a wall. Rodney, still panting, eyes wild, said, "I need to sit down."

Radek, hair standing on end, nodded. "What if it does not go off?"

"It will," Sam said. "Do you think?" She paused. "That Dr. Weir was on that planet?"

No one answered her, and John refused to discuss it. "We should send the Daedalus to check it out."

"The Enterprise, and yes, I agree. Chuck, make it so."

Everyone in the control room rolled their eyes, and John had to admire O'Neill's ability to shift the subject from something painful.

"So then, are we done? I have some translations I want to get to," Daniel said to Sam.

"Go on, Daniel." She patted his shoulder. "Rodney and I need to argue some more about the configuration of the--"

Rodney interrupted her by sputtering loudly and claiming she was an idiot and had no business touching any Atlantis system, and Radek found a chair to sit down with a thump. John leaned over to whisper in Chuck's ear, "Make sure someone stays on the long-range scanners."

"Way ahead of you, sir." Chuck grinned. "We're alive."

"It does seem that way." John noticed O'Neill watching him as he slipped away to the transporter. He found a quiet balcony and a spot in the sun to grieve. She was dead. She had to be, and he hadn't even tried to stop her from going off by herself. Of course, he'd told her not to do it, but he'd known she would ignore his advice.

"Crap," he said, folding down to his knees and holding his head. His anger had killed her.

"John, you're not responsible," Rodney said, walking up close enough that John could have tied Rodney's shoelaces.

"Yeah, I am." John added her to the litany of people that he'd let down. "I could've stopped her. I should've stopped her."

"First of all, we don't know anything for sure." Rodney didn't move back. "She could be alive. Secondly, she was an adult who made her own choices. She had choices!"

With a grunt, John got to his feet, and they were eye-to-eye. "We both know that I didn't have to exile her. I over-reacted."

"She attacked you! And she nearly got me killed!" Rodney's eyes were very blue and shiny. "But Zelenka is upset, and I have to deal with that now."

"No, I'll go to him." John found a tiny bit of courage and put his hands on Rodney's hips. "Good job out there. Saved our asses again."

Rodney flushed. "Well, yes, but I had help, not much, but some." He might possibly have nudged closer, and John took that as permission to kiss him, nothing more than a brush of lips. Rodney sighed. "I kissed you first."

John couldn't help but laugh, leaning his forehead onto to Rodney's. "Sorry I screwed it up."

They stood that way for a perfect minute, and then Rodney said, "I'm sorry I was such an ass."

Pulling back, John made a face of fake horror. "Did you just hurt yourself?"

"Oh, shut up! I've said it before!" Rodney shoved him but not hard enough to move them apart. It was more like a palm smack, and John wasn't turning him loose. Rodney shifted forward, and they were kissing again. John let him take the lead, and he took and took until they both gasped for air.

"Rodney? Oh, never mind."

Jerking away like he'd been scalded, Rodney practically knocked John down before running away.

Sam shrugged, made a funny motion with her hand, and hurried after him. John stood there, enjoying the stunned feeling that went with Rodney's kisses.

*********

It felt as if they'd all been holding their breath, waiting to see if the Wraith were coming back. John didn't think they should ever truly relax. It didn't seem to him that the Wraith were the kind to give up. Caldwell returned from the address that had dialed in with Weir's IDC, but there was nothing left on the planet. The nuke had done its job. Whoever had been there was dead, blown to hell, and the gate had been buried so deep that no one would ever use it again.

None of their contacts knew where Dr. Weir was, and John couldn't commit resources to chase the galaxy looking. No one blamed him for that decision, but he blamed himself. Daniel had a memorial for all the people lost, and John hoped it provided a measure of comfort for everyone.

John wasn't avoiding anyone, especially Rodney, but the base wasn't going to run itself. O'Neill had been honest about the whole not wanting command thing to the point where John almost wished Atlantis was a land base with no access to water, fish, and more fish. Almost.

Waiting until Carson was busy, John snuck into the secret lab one night when Zelenka was too tired to put up much of a fight. It was the creepiest lab on Atlantis, Wraith bits and pieces everywhere, and John remembered nanites fondly after he stuck his hand in Wraith slime.

"Their ships are organic. Carson believes he can engineer a cancer virus that will--" Zelenka switched to Czech to finish, but John got the gist of it.

"And that'll kill them?" John had a hard time believing it.

"Their ships should break apart. It has worked in testing. We are trying to produce enough, and then there is a delivery system to build." Zelenka yawned. "Rodney will have a hand in that, or so he swears."

"Well, keep at it." John left the lab with a tiny spring in his step that might've been hope. If they could eliminate the Wraith, well, a lot of people would sleep better at night. It might be possible to give a better future to the people of the Pegasus galaxy, and that led John back to thinking about his own galaxy. The Daedalus was on its way back to Earth to assess the situation and perhaps liberate a few more people. John hoped Rodney's sister would make the leap this time. It was pie in the sky to hope that the governments of Earth had seen reason and stopped enslaving people, but John liked pie. He liked it a lot.

"Hey, wait up, Quaker Oats!"

Rolling his eyes, John slowed and turned. "Rodney," he drawled.

"I haven't seen you in days!"

That wasn't completely true, but John would let it slide. They'd both been busy, and with Rodney's kisses on his lips, John had been very reluctant to push for anything that would earn him more harsh words. Their truce seemed fragile, and not breaking it was important to him. Also, he was a big chicken, not that he'd admit that to anyone.

"Are you going to say something?" Rodney's hands twisted like they did when he was nervous.

"Sorry. I was woolgathering." John started for the cafeteria out of both a need for food and the hope that it would make talking easier. "I gotta eat."

"Good idea." Rodney fell into step beside him, and John tried not to shoot him a dozen little glances. Rodney's shoulder was close enough to nudge. "You missed the last staff meeting."

"I was off-world with Teyla." John made sure Rodney went first down the line. It was safer that way. "More people to feed, and all that."

Rodney loaded his tray. "I guess we're not a team any longer."

There was a tiny bit of wistful in Rodney's voice. John got an extra sandwich and searched for the right words to reassure him. "O'Neill wants us to hunker down, make sure we don't run afoul of the Wraith."

"If you'd have been at the meeting, you'd know that Ford is staying at the Alpha site on New Athos. No one is allowed to gate straight here any longer." Rodney gave John a complete rundown of the meeting, and John didn't interrupt, even though he'd spoken to O'Neill upon his return. They found a spot at their old table, and John tried to look calm. He was calm.

"Are you even listening? Breathing?" Rodney glared, and that was so normal that John smirked in the face of it.

"Yup," John drawled. "Are you done?"

Rodney crossed his arms. "Yes."

Irritation was something John could deal with, and he grinned. "We'll get back out there. Let's just humor O'Neill and Jackson for a month or two. This galaxy is scary."

"It really is." Rodney went back to eating.

Silence fell between them, and John could hardly put food in his mouth, thinking so hard about what not to say. "So you're not with Daniel?" He almost clapped his hand to his forehead. That was the one thing he'd told himself not to ask, ever.

"No!" Rodney seemed indignant about that. Then he blushed. "Not anymore. It was never serious, just something."

"Oh." John had known they were lovers, and he was glad that was over, especially since Rodney had kissed him a number of times. The tips of his ears started burning, and he hoped he didn't hyperventilate.

"Can I ask you something?" Rodney looked nervous, licking his lower lip. He didn't wait for an answer, just plowing on. "We need a few things in the lab initialized? Would you... I mean... if you're not busy?"

"Sure." John almost took a huge breath of relief. "Anything good?"

"I have high hopes from a couple of items." Rodney launched into a detailed explanation, and John relaxed into it. He could do this. They could, maybe, start over, more on equal footing this time with no collars or leashes or stupid rules between them.

******** Epilogue

Rodney was a genius twice over, but people were impossible, unpredictable, and generally unreliable. He'd given up on them years ago. Until Sheppard came along. Sheppard was... Rodney wasn't even sure. He just knew he felt dizzy from all the emotions even looking at him stirred up.

"I thought you and Sheppard were friends?" Sam asked. "I haven't seen him around much since I caught you guys kissing."

"Shut up." Rodney hid behind his monitor. "I'm sure he's very busy with military-type things, and it meant nothing. We were just apologizing."

"With your tongues?" Sam laughed. "Oh, Rodney. You're so stupid."

Zelenka snickered, and Rodney had to find something to yell at her. "He's a Quaker, okay? They're all a bunch of oatmeal-loving saps. It'd never work out!"

Now Sam narrowed her eyes. "You're scared. Scared as hell that you actually like him. Just start over. Pretend the whole slave thing never happened."

Rodney drew himself up to his full height. "I will never forget, not while even one of us wears a collar!"

Silence fell in the lab, and Sam rolled her eyes. "That's not what I mean, and you know it. He was a good handler. He tried hard. He kept you alive. Just let it slide."

"Little you know," Rodney huffed, but it was barely possible she had a point.

"Rodney was complete asshole to Commander Sheppard." Zelenka added his two cents.

"You really were," Simpson chimed in. "He liked you. I have no idea why."

Everyone seemed to agree on that point. Rodney got to his feet and tried to kill them all with his brain. "Get back to work!" He stormed out, ignoring the comments trailing after him. Sheppard had said he would help out in the lab, and now was a good time for that. Before Rodney lost his nerve. He touched his ear bud. "Sheppard, are you busy?"

"Which lab?" Sheppard asked with no delay.

"Lab six." Rodney picked that one because not only did he have a few goodies stashed there, but it was far away from one Samantha Carter and her meddling mouth. He tapped off, took several deep breaths, and straightened his shirt. This was his choice. He wanted this, whatever it was with Sheppard. With John. It was barely possible that he didn't have to understand it. He just had to do it.

*********

John ran a hand through his crazy hair before he opened the door to lab six. It'd been two days since Rodney had asked for John's help in the cafeteria, and John hadn't been waiting for the call, not at all. He was more nervous than he could remember being in some time. Rodney turned fast, smiling, and John could've leaned against a wall or slouched into a convenient chair, but instead, he strode right to him, almost close enough to kiss.

"You wanted me?" John asked, meaning it in so many ways.

Rodney swallowed hard. His eyes were round, and he looked like he might pass out, but then he nodded and said, "I do."

"Best news I've had since I got this assignment." John slid his hand up Rodney's arm to rest on his shoulder. He shuddered out a deep breath. "I missed you when you moved out." It sorta hurt to admit it.

Blinking, Rodney frowned. "I was angry at..." He made a gesture that included everything.

"I know. You, um, still mad?" John didn't want to ever fight again, unless it was about something stupid like who got the last cookie.

"No." Rodney managed to inch closer, putting his hand on John's hip. "Sam says I'm stupid, but this thing is hard, not easy, and with people it's easier to not even bother than take a risk."

John furrowed his brow, trying to decipher all that. "This thing being the fact that you don't hate me?"

"Exactly." Rodney's other hand came up to curl around John's neck. "Can you give me credit for trying?"

"Yeah," John breathed. He was about done talking. He smoothed his thumb across the skin on Rodney's neck where the collar used to be. "I spent a lot of time convincing myself that you'd never like me."

Rodney kissed him. "Well, you're an idiot, remember?"

"That does sound familiar." John stole a kiss of his own. "My quarters. Right now."

"Your quarters suck. Mine are better." Rodney wrapped his hand into John's gun belt, tugged, and got them moving towards his place. John was shocked enough to go along with him, not sure how he felt about being lead around by a belt, and then thinking maybe it was Rodney's turn to drag him somewhere.

"You're not going to leash me, are you?" John asked, interested in an honest answer.

"I might. You have a tendency to wander off and get hurt, hide from me, and generally be unavailable when I need someone to rant at, and that is just unacceptable," Rodney said. He gave John's belt another pull, and they got to Rodney's quarters that much faster. Rodney swiped open the door and dragged John inside.

"I'm only going to say this once, Rodney." John wished he didn't have to say it at all.

Rodney's eyes got very round. "I'll stop poking fun at you!"

"That's not it."

"I'll stop yelling all the time!"

"I doubt it." John put his hand over Rodney's mouth. "I'll only ask one time, Rodney. Listen. You said we'd do together, remember?"

Rodney pulled John's hand down. "Was that right before I mocked you, and you took off, and then I was beaten within an inch of my life?"

John nodded. "Sorry about that. I was sorta pissed."

"It's very hard for me to trust anyone's motives." Rodney had his chin in the air now. "That probably isn't going to change. Ever."

"I get that." John did, and he didn't blame him. "But, do you think? Can we?"

"Do this together?" Rodney ducked his head, grimacing. "Really?"

The natural reaction was to move back, glare, but John kept himself from making that mistake. Instead, he stepped and put his hands on Rodney's shoulders. "It's a tough galaxy. So, yes, really."

"Oh." Rodney seemed to slump, and then they were together, wrapped close. He sighed. "I'm only answering this once." He took a deep breath that John felt as well as heard. "Yes, Quaker Oats, we're in this together."

After slapping the back of Rodney's head, John kissed him. "Good enough."

It was no surprise that Rodney yelled about abuse before kissing him back, and John nudged him towards the bed twice before Rodney got the idea. Then it all turned awkward and fumbling, and they couldn't look each other in the eye, and John abandoned the idea of getting all his clothes off. It just didn't seem possible.

Rodney made a lot of noise but none of it made any sense, and John knew how that felt because he was there too. They found a rhythm, pressing flesh together. Rodney nearly gave John a split lip trying to kiss him and move at the same time, and John would've complained, but he was too busy trying not to orgasm.

When Rodney spilled on their stomachs and rucked up shirts, John was two seconds behind him, and they both collapsed in the mess to groan. Rodney found the ability to speak first, of course.

"Not my best work."

John laughed, breathing hard and wanting more. "First time I've done it in the daytime. I think it threw me off."

"We're pathetic." Rodney wiped his hand on his T-shirt. "And for the record, I still think you're nuts."

"Got it." John shut his eyes, letting it all settle. It'd been tough getting here, but this was a good place to be. "We changed one planet. You ready to take on another?"

Rodney made a terrible noise. "No, not really, and we shouldn't rush things." Then he launched into a spiel about the current political systems on Earth, but John heard the passion underneath. Together, he and Rodney were unbeatable, and he expected that it wouldn't be easy, but hard things were worth doing.

"Hey, your dad would be proud of you," Rodney said in a hushed voice. "I'll smack him if he isn't when we see him."

"I bet you will." John rolled on top and kissed Rodney breathless.

******** the end - for real