Chapter Text
Vic cried the first time he saw the bruises. They were massive, purple finger marks which wrapped all the way around Kellin’s wrists. They were exact replicas of the bruises Eddie used to leave on both of them when he’d get rough. Vic couldn’t even imagine how scared Kellin had to have been, caught in between a flashback and reality with a domineering man overtop him in both awful states.
He’d tried so hard to keep his composure, knowing that getting emotional would just further upset Kellin, but the marks triggered him so badly and there was nothing he could do. His heart hurt for Kellin and those awful bruises just reminded him so much of what he’d endured with Eddie. He didn’t want Kellin to remember those awful things and he certainly didn’t want Kellin to be living through those same tortures over again—in his own home, too!
Vic just couldn’t stand it. No matter how much he held Kellin or kissed his bruises, the frantic, pained feeling never left him. He couldn’t let Kellin out of his sight after they got home—not for anything. He followed him from room to room, barely able to stay seated when Kellin would get up from the bed or the couch to use the restroom. Mike told him he needed to give Kellin space and warned him that he was tipping off their parents to his and Kellin’s “relationship.” Vic may have cared about their secrecy at the start, but after seeing those bruises it really didn’t matter to him anymore.
Kellin had been hurt again. He’d been neglected, isolated, and abused. He needed all the love and support Vic could offer. As soon as Kellin said he was tired and wanted to go to bed, Vic followed after him and offered up one of his sleeping pills to make sure Kellin would be able to sleep through the night. Kellin refused at first, but Vic was insistent and resolved to break the pill in half. It wouldn’t be as strong of a dose but it would help him calm down enough to rest.
His mother had come into his room at that point and said she had cleared off the couch and gathered some blankets and a pillow for Kellin. Vic couldn’t look at her when he said he’d rather Kellin stay with him like the last time he’d slept over. Kellin, who had already taken his half of the sleeping pill, didn’t join the conversation at all. He merely laid there and watched them talk, looking on the verge of tears the whole time.
“Do you want me to keep the light on?” Vic asked after his mother had left the room. Kellin shook his head, then shifted around as he started to undress and change into the pajamas Vic gave him. Vic tried not to watch him, but he couldn’t help himself. He was looking for more bruises and was thankful when he didn’t see any more. Kellin insisted that Brad had been trying to rape him when the man pinned him down on the couch and (though Vic was sure that fear was a result of the flashback rather than fact) he was relieved to see no evidence of any prior assaults. He couldn’t stand to see bruises on Kellin’s wrists; Vic didn’t know what he’d do with himself if there was a bruise or cut anywhere below his waist.
“Why are you watching me?” Kellin asked, his voice slow and groggy.
“I… I’m sorry. I was just checking for… Sorry.” Vic looked away and bowed his head. He hoped Kellin wouldn’t think he was trying to initiate anything, but felt Kellin had to understand him. They knew each other… They knew each other so well. Kellin had to know Vic would never, ever try to take advantage of him or make him uncomfortable on purpose.
“He only ever hits me on the head,” Kellin mumbled. “Except for today… I don’t know what happened, Vic. I was starting to feel sick and I started crying—and the next think I know, he’s on top of me yelling. His knee was between my legs and everything. Just like Eddie used to do to us when he was mad. Do you remember?”
“I remember,” Vic said, trying hard to push back the memories which rushed him all at once.
“My mom just stood there. She didn’t try to pull him off. She—She just…watched him hurt me.”
“Well no one here is ever going to hurt you,” Vic said, clipping off the light once both of them were changed. “If they try, they’ll have to go through me,” he added as he crawled onto the bed next to Kellin.
Kellin immediately snuggled closer to him and pressed his head against Vic’s chest.
“I missed you,” Kellin mumbled.
“Missed doesn’t even describe it,” Vic said, smiling as he squeezed Kellin tight. He felt complete again, just as he had the night Kellin had come only to visit—only now their arrangement was permanent. Kellin was staying with him. They could hold each other all night, every night. During the day, Vic would get to help Kellin with his school work and might even be able to take Kellin with him to his counseling appointments. The boy needed therapy, especially after the trauma he faced after returning home.
Vic would’ve died had he come home to find all of his things gone. He would’ve been so heartbroken to know he’d been given up on—though he would understand that six years was a long time to wait. Kellin’s mother hadn’t even waited a year yet she’d already given him up for dead and barely seemed grateful to have him home. To her, Kellin’s return was an inconvenience.
That wasn’t what Kellin deserved to come home to—it wasn’t what he needed to get better. He needed all the love he could get and more. Vic just hoped he would be enough. His family was kind and loving, but Kellin was afraid of them. Vic was the only person he trusted… Vic needed to be enough to make Kellin start to feel better.
That was his last thought before falling into a hazy, restless sleep.
( ) ( ) ( )
The first two weeks that Kellin stayed in their house were torture for everyone—except the happy couple. Mike was woken up again and again to the sounds of Kellin having panic attacks and trying to wake Vic who was too doped up on sleeping pills to offer him any assistance beyond sleepy mumbles. And on those nights when Vic couldn’t wake up, Kellin wandered off into the living room and watched television with the volume so high it woke up everyone who wasn’t on medication. No matter how many times Mike’s father told Kellin to turn it down, the volume always crept higher and higher until it was back where it had been—keeping Kellin’s demons at bay until the sun came up and he finally felt secure enough to sleep.
Vic had tried giving Kellin half of his nightly sleeping pill, but even though the halved dosage worked on Kellin, it caused Vic to have even worse waking nightmares than he did before he was medicated. Kellin finally stopped accepting the halved pill after Vic clawed him in the face one night, mistaking him for one of Eddie’s friends while trapped in a nightmare about his last night in his kidnapper’s house.
Kellin ended up sleeping on the couch, Vic ended up sleeping in Mike’s bed while Mike sat on his floor and played videogames until he had to go to work the next morning. Incidentally, the next morning was also when their father found out that there might be more between his son and Kellin than an affectionate friendship. Eight or nine days had passed since Kellin moved in and Vic’s cover had started slipping. That morning after his terrible dream, Vic had probably kissed the bloody scratch on Kellin’s cheek three or four times in front of their parents. He was more worried about Kellin being upset with him than his parents’ opinions of him, and Kellin certainly didn’t mind the extra attention.
After seeing the kisses, their father requested Kellin spend his nights on the couch—no matter how much Vic wanted Kellin in bed with him. His demand worked for maybe a night or two, but then Kellin would just get up and crawl into bed beside Vic. Mike could hear them talking through his bedroom wall—could hear Vic’s sleepy, drugged-up nonsense sentences as he cooed at his “boyfriend.”
At first, their talking would wake Mike up and keep him awake—agitating him as he knew he wasn’t going to be rested enough for work—but after a week, he started to find comfort in it. Hearing his brother mumbling to Kellin was a lot better than hearing Vic crying or trying to scream in his sleep. And on the nights that he still had nightmares, all he seemed to need in order to calm down was to have Kellin mumble at him for a little while or sing a line or two of a quiet song.
Kellin seemed happy to offer Vic comfort, and Vic—when he could be woken up—was more than happy to take care of Kellin if he had nightmares. They had each other, so the pressure was off Mike and their parents to keep Vic calm. They never knew what to say to him to calm him down—but Kellin did. Kellin could read Vic like an open book and knew before anyone else if he was becoming distressed or anxious and knew how to counter it. Sometimes a gentle embrace was all he needed to feel secure, other time it was a kiss on the shoulder.
Even when their father started trying to drive more of a wedge between them, desperate to stop his straight son from continuing his “shameful” relationship with Kellin, the two remained close. They were in love and nothing was going to change that. There was nothing anyone could do to stop them—no matter how much Mike wished there were…
It wasn’t that he didn’t like his supposedly straight brother kissing a boy five years his junior—he just wished he didn’t have to watch it. On a typical night, Vic would discourage Kellin from kissing him around his father—reluctant to call attention to himself or their relationship—but after he’d had two shots of tequila and between three or four beers, Vic hardly seemed aware that anyone else was in the room with him besides Kellin.
They were all drinking—well, all of them except Kellin who was underage and sulking about it. Even their mother had taken a shot of tequila even though she didn’t care for it at all, just to join in the festivities. She’d made a large dinner that had somehow turned into a makeshift party when Mike broke out the liquor. Vic had gotten excited, even though his boyfriend was pouting, and kept up an effort to outdrink Mike until their mother cautioned him to slow down or she’d put away the drinks.
Already loosened up after taking the two shots, Vic just became more and more comfortable as he knocked back the bottles of beer as they all watched an overrated action movie on cable TV. He got his arms around Kellin about halfway through the film and kept pulling him closer and closer until he was absolutely wasted and kissing the back of Kellin’s neck.
“Kells?—Aw, don’t ignore me. Don’t ignore me! Kells?” Vic kept whining at him, then laughing, then kissing him. All the while Kellin sat there in silence and pouted, pretending he didn’t like the attention. “Kells—come on.”
“I’m watching the movie,” Kellin snapped.
“Well watch me instead,” Vic said before laughing, probably realizing how moronic he sounded—or so Mike imagined. It was embarrassing watching his brother act like such a fool, but he imagined that after another beer he would be as wasted as Vic and none of it would matter.
“Watch you? Watch you what—get drunk?” Kellin asked, shifting around in Vic’s lap—trying to get up though Vic wouldn’t let go of him. Mike almost expected the exchange to turn into an actual struggle, especially considering how bad Kellin’s PTSD flared up when he felt cornered or pinned, but Vic let go the instant Kellin made a noise of fear. As soon as Kellin stood up, Vic copied and pressed a poorly directed kiss onto the boy’s temple.
“Where are you going?” Their father asked as Vic started to move away from the couch.
“To throw my bottle away,” Vic said, turning to face his father and almost falling down as he did so. The disorientation just made him giggle, especially when Kellin put a hand on his shoulder to help steady him.
“It’s not even empty,” Mike said, looking at the bottle. “If you’re throwing it out, give it to me.”
“I’m going to finish it first,” Vic said, turning his focus to Mike before stumbling toward the kitchen with Kellin at his side.
“You should let me have it,” Kellin mumbled, trying to get the bottle from Vic’s hand.
“No!” Their mother said, her voice stern but not cruel. “You’re too young. It’s against the law. Don’t you give him any.”
“Okay,” Vic said, his voice a heavy, drawn out sigh. Their parents seemed content to believe that Vic would listen to them and fixed their attention back on the television. Mike, honestly more interested in seeing what became of the left of beer, turned around to peer over the back of the couch at the kitchen.
“Just let me try some,” Kellin was mumbling, pressing himself up against Vic who was backed, though unthreatened, against the counter. “Eddie always did.”
“I can’t,” Vic said, imitating Kellin’s tone of voice.
“Please?” Kellin asked, leaning in even closer and making as if to steal a kiss.
Vic turned his face away and lifted the bottle of beer in order to take a drink. Kellin pulled back with a heavy sigh, but was lured close again when Vic made to kiss him.
Mike looked away, not wanting watch his brother make out with the spoiled brat, and took a drink from his own beer. However, as soon as the bottle touched his lips, he heard a loud spatter and Kellin let out an indignant cry.
“You’re disgusting! That’s gross!”
Mike cringed before looking over the couch again, his parents turning to do the same. He expected to see vomit, even though he hadn’t heard Vic gagging, but instead it was Kellin who was spitting on the floor.”
“What? You said you wanted to taste it,” Vic said, laughing drunkenly.
“I didn’t mean I wanted you to spit it in my mouth!”
“Vic!” their mother called, wrinkling her nose at the sight of the mouthful of beer and spit on her kitchen floor. “Clean that up!”
Vic acted as though he didn’t hear her and kept laughing at Kellin who was fuming.
“You know what!?” He snapped, glaring at Vic who seemed completely unaware of how angry his boyfriend appeared to be getting.
Mike was about to speak up and intervene, not about to let the kid bully Vic even if his brother had started it. They’d both regret it if they really got to fighting, but Mike quickly became aware that Vic understood Kellin’s moods better than anyone else. If he was laughing at Kellin’s rage, it meant he saw right through it.
“What?” Vic asked, trying to bite back a smile.
Kellin lunged for him, and the next moment he had Vic’s hat in his hand and Vic was trying to get it back.
“No! No—I’ll teach you to spit in my mouth!”
“Boys. Knock it off,” their father called, watching the two of them closely.
“Kellin! Give me my hat,” Vic said, his words starting to slur a little bit which made him laugh harder. He reached for his hat a few more times before seeming to give up and wrapping his arms around Kellin instead, holding him in a tight embrace. He started kissing Kellin’s neck which seemed to be exactly what the boy had been pushing toward because his expression immediately went from frustrated to pleased.
“Boys—I mean it. Clean up the floor,” their father pressed, turning away and shaking his head in frustration. His wife put her hand on his knee and passed him a sympathetic glance.
“I-I have to get a new hat,” Vic stammered, giggling in between his words as he unwound his arms from Kellin and left the kitchen.
“Clean up the floor!” Their father called, his voice actually becoming stern. It was a tone he very seldom used with Vic since it caused him to immediately begin to cower, but this time it wasn’t even enough to get Vic to listen.
“Gotta find another hat!” He answered, voice full of humor as he made his way to the hallway which led to his room. “If you’re going to steal my hat, I’ll just get more,” he added, returning to the mouth of the hallway when he realized Kellin wasn’t following him. He leaned against the wall and smiled at Kellin who had gotten a paper towel to mop up the beer he’d spit on the floor. “Did you hear me?” He pressed.
“Mhm. I heard you,” Kellin said, his tone becoming a little deeper… Seductive.
“Oh, God,” Mike said, shaking his head and immediately turning back around in his seat on the couch. He did not want to be hearing this. He did not want to think about what was inevitably going to happen when Kellin followed Vic back to his bedroom.
He kept waiting for his father to say something—order Kellin to stay in the room with them or tell Vic to forget about grabbing another hat—but once the two had disappeared down the hall together, he just turned up the volume on the television. He didn’t have the heart to yell, really yell, at either of them, and nothing short of screaming seemed like it would get through Vic’s drunken haze. Kellin was used to being yelled at and bossed around by Brad, so being reprimanded evoked no shame or obedience at all. If he had Vic’s attention, nothing was going to discourage him.
Unless someone went back into that bedroom and dragged one of them back into the living room, there was nothing that could stop them.
( ) ( ) ( )
Kellin knew Vic was drunk—really, really drunk—and that he probably shouldn’t let this go too far considering the man wasn’t in his right mind. However, Vic’s mouth felt so good on his neck and Kellin wasn’t about to push him away. Vic kept humming and moaning all the while rubbing and squeezing Kellin’s hips. He was pulling him slowly closer and closer to the bed, and Kellin moved wherever Vic guided him.
He’d been hoping a night like this might happen, just to prove their relationship was the same as it had been under Eddie’s careful watch. For the first few nights in the home, Kellin was afraid he’d trigger Vic into a flashback if he touched him at all. Even then, it proved a challenge to get Vic to touch him either. Vic was nervous about what his parents would think or what Mike could hear through the walls.
Tonight, however, Vic was too drunk to be cautious. Kellin knew Vic’s defenses had completely dropped from the moment Vic pulled him into his lap. Kellin could feel it when the position started to get Vic excited and immediately responded by pushing back against him—sometimes wiggling around just to get Vic going even more. All his efforts were now paying off because they were alone together and no one had followed after them.
They were completely alone and Vic couldn’t keep his hands to himself.
Kellin sat down on the bed once Vic had backed him against it and leaned up to get a kiss on the mouth. He had to wait a moment as Vic caught his breath, but as soon as their lips were touching, Vic was climbing over top him on the mattress.
“I love you,” Kellin said, trying to get Vic to slow down just a little. He didn’t want to stop, but even having Vic pinning him down made his heart start to race with fear.
Vic just laughed at him and started kissing his cheeks, then his forehead and his lips again.
“Vic, you’re really drunk,” Kellin said, turning his face away.
“I know,” Vic drawled, kissing Kellin’s neck once again—his hands and knees on either side of Kellin’s body.
“I don’t like this,” Kellin said, trying to keep his breaths even as he stared at Vic’s left hand where it pressed into the mattress close to his head.
“Hm?” The small noise still managed to harbor a significant amount of hurt, and Vic pulled back completely to sit to one side of Kellin’s body. Immediately, Kellin was flooded with relief. He knew Vic wouldn’t hurt him, but even so his body had started to shake. “I-I thought…when you stole my hat…” Vic looked so confused and Kellin felt sorry for him. He was too drunk to understand why Kellin had shied away from him.
Kellin sat up and crawled over to Vic, trying to calm his nerves as he made himself go in for another kiss. He managed to get Vic to lay back against the pillows at the head of the bed and kissed him, sucking his bottom lip until Vic started to reciprocate again. Vic kept moaning and reached out to wrap his arms around Kellin’s waist, pulling him closer until Kellin was straddling his hips.
It wasn’t much longer before Kellin had pulled off his t-shirt and had removed Vic’s for him. Everything started moving faster and faster after that. Vic kept running his palms over Kellin’s sides, pausing every time his hands reached the peaks of his hips. Even drunk, Vic never held him or squeezed him hard enough to cause pain. He was always so, so gentle.
Vic smiled when Kellin pulled back from him to breathe, looking at him in admiration. That look was enough to dispel the demons that were starting to scream in the back of Kellin’s head. What if Vic didn’t really want him? What if he was just confused or felt he was obligated to keep Kellin around?
That look, however, that hazy, love-drunk look was too genuine to be the product of guilt.
“Kellin?” Vic called, speaking slowly as he watched Kellin finish getting undressed.
“What?” Kellin asked, smiling as he shimmied out of his skinny jeans.
“Kellin,” Vic repeated, reaching out to touch Kellin’s chest.
“What? See something you like?” Kellin asked before laughing and leaning down to peck Vic on the lips before tossing his jeans aside and grabbing both of Vic’s hands. He guided them to the hem of his boxer briefs, trying to get Vic to take the lead.
Vic let out a nervous laugh and looked away, seemingly content to just hold Kellin’s hips.
“So—you’ve got me here. What are you going to do with me?” Kellin asked, trying his best to look and sound seductive.
“I think…I’m going to kiss you,” Vic said, before laughing again—his face turning bright red. “But you’re gonna have to help me take off my pants.”
“Why is that?” Kellin asked, unable to stifle a laugh.
“I can’t feel my hands,” Vic whispered, as if he were confessing a secret, and leaned forward—his forehead pressed against Kellin’s neck.
“Maybe… Maybe we should wait,” Kellin said, feeling a little disappointed. Vic was obviously out of his mind. It was taking advantage of him if he kept pushing.
“No!” Vic called, pushing himself back from Kellin’s chest and grabbing Kellin’s face. It startled Kellin at first, but the touch was so gentle that the fear was readily replaced with confusion. “No—no, no. I’ll be fine. I promise—I’ll be fine.”
As if to prove his point, Vic sat up from the pillows and moved them so Kellin was laying beside him on the bed. They kissed a while longer, then Vic slowly slid his supposedly numb hand down the front of Kellin’s underwear. Kellin gave a small gasp of pleasure in between kisses as Vic started stroking him. The pleasure was immediate and Kellin couldn’t help the moans which followed as their mouths worked together.
He kept wishing he could feel Vic’s tongue somewhere better than where it was, sliding against his own. He imagined the thumb Vic kept rubbing against the slit of his cock was the tip of his tongue, wished he could feel the wet heat of Vic’s mouth envelop him. Kellin wouldn’t dare ask for it though. Vic knew what his limits were and Kellin didn’t want to push them. If he was ready, he’d initiate it—Kellin hoped. He would just have to be patient.
When Kellin finally managed to get his hand down Vic’s pants, Vic’s appreciative noises grew louder and louder. Kellin knew they were probably being overheard by the family in the living room, but couldn’t bring himself to care. Vic was moaning his name and Kellin wasn’t about to tell him to stop.
In fact…
When Kellin pulled away, Vic let out a pained noise and stared at him with fear. He started to ask if he’d done something wrong, but his words were lost when Kellin kissed him for the last time on the lips before yanking down the front of his baggy jeans in order to get his lips around Vic’s cock.
Vic seemed disoriented a moment, but then started patting the top of Kellin’s head. The patting was odd to say the least, but Kellin preferred it over the way Eddie used to pull his hair and choke him. No matter what Vic did to him, it was never rough or cruel or selfish. Even when he started bucking his hips, trying to fit more of his length into Kellin’s mouth, he was never as terrible as Eddie. He was just…needy.
Kellin pulled back to suckle the tip, swirling his tongue around the slit to collect the precum leaking out. The whole time he kept his eyes fixed on Vic’s face, watching the way he chewed his lips and furrowed his brow. He looked so perfect. He wasn’t scared or hurting or suffering. He was being taken care of and he knew it. Vic trusted him. Vic wanted him. There was no one around forcing them to be together. They were alone together—just them—in their own little world.
Kellin waited until Vic opened his eyes again before taking all of him into his mouth that he could. He got Vic to moan for him and beg for him—all the things Eddie commanded of him, Vic offered for free.
It took longer than Kellin cared for considering how much alcohol Vic had coursing through his veins, but Kellin refused to let his fatigue show. By the time Vic finally came, Kellin’s jaw was aching unbelievably as he swallowed every drop.
When he was done, he crawled up to lay on Vic’s chest, trying to ignore the pressure between his legs. Vic was already starting to pass out, barely able to do more than hug Kellin close and kiss his face as he struggled to catch his breath.
“I love you,” he managed in between heavy breaths. “I love you—I do.”
“I love you too,” Kellin said, clearing his throat even though it didn’t help with how wrecked his voice was. “Are you falling asleep on me?” He asked. He knew he couldn’t ask Vic to do anything for him, but part of him—a selfish part—wanted to beg.
“No,” Vic said, smiling. “I’m just resting my eyes.”
“Right—you’re passing out on me,” Kellin said, kissing Vic’s cheek and neck. He really, really wanted his boyfriend to stay awake just long enough to return the favor, but realized it wasn’t possible. He had to give up on that idea and just hope that maybe the next night he could get Vic to be in the mood again.
“I’m sorry,” Vic murmured, nuzzling Kellin’s cheek before rolling onto his side with a heavy moan. “My head’s spinning.”
“Want me to get you some water?” Kellin asked, squirming around until he managed to escape Vic’s grasp.
“No!—No you can’t leave,” Vic said, his voice a childish whine as he waved his arms in Kellin’s direction, trying to pull him back down beside him.
“I’m getting you water. It’ll make the spinning stop,” Kellin said, successfully avoiding Vic’s grasping hands. He stood from the bed and got dressed, then grabbed the empty water glass which sat beside Vic’s prescription bottles on the night stand. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he made his way to the bedroom door. Vic rolled over on the bed to watch him go, but didn’t protest anymore.
It was a struggle to get the water glass to fit under the faucet in the bathroom sink, but he was too embarrassed to go into the kitchen to fill up the glass. He knew Vic’s family was aware of what had happened and he really didn’t want to face them without Vic at his side. After all, what if they thought he’d taken advantage of Vic? Or what if Mike got angry and tried to confront him about it? Kellin couldn’t stand up to Mike. Not in a million years.
Kellin could only manage to get the glass filled halfway due to the angle he had to hold it under the low faucet, so he resolved to use the tap in the bathtub instead. He hated how loud the bathtub faucet was when it ran. He wished he and Vic could just be alone together—no one in the next room listening in or passing judgment.
When he got back to the bedroom, Vic was sitting up in the bed. He accepted the glass of water readily and drank the whole thing without ever pausing to take a breath.
“Kells?” Vic said, panting a little as he lowered the glass from his lips.
“Hm?”
Instead of answering him, Vic just looked at him and laughed. His eyes were sparkling even through the haze of liquor and sleepiness. Maybe it was the alcohol keeping Vic tongue tied and giddy, but it was still the happiest Kellin had ever seen him.
( ) ( ) ( )
Six months. Kellin had been living with him for six whole months. Vic still couldn’t believe it, even though he woke up to Kellin’s face pretty much every day. He knew that it was hard on his family at first, but they couldn’t deny the progress Vic made with Kellin’s support. Just one month of Kellin staying with them, Vic was able to handle it when more people came to visit. He was finally able to see Tony face-to-face for the first time since he’d been taken.
Kellin actually seemed to get along with Tony as well. Kellin didn’t like being isolated and lacked the nervousness Vic had about meeting strangers. He was timid at first, but as soon as he realized no one was going to touch him or hurt him, he liked getting attention from someone new. He could talk music with Tony and Jaime, and even started to write song lyrics again. His renewed passion and confidence encourage Vic to do the same.
He started practicing his guitar again, then tried teaching Kellin to play. Kellin, however, didn’t seem that interested. More than anything, he just wanted to watch Vic play and write lyrics for the melodies he composed. Vic loved nothing more than the time they could spend together in the garage—their makeshift practice studio where Mike kept his drums and Vic kept his amps. He would play his guitar, Kellin would practice his singing, and no one would bother them.
Sometimes Tony and Jaime would come over to practice with Mike, and Vic would join them. At first he’d just sit and listen—Kellin at his side, of course—then he started playing guitar with them again, just like before. For months he was too nervous to sing, especially since he knew that his role as vocals in their makeshift band had been taken over by someone else—someone he’d yet to meet. But then, after weeks of listening to Kellin beg to hear him sing, Vic broke down and complied.
For the first time in close to seven years, he’d performed a song with his old band. It was nerve-wracking and, in some ways, humiliating, but it felt like a missing piece was finally falling back into place. His old lyrics felt so foreign on his tongue, even though he remembered writing most of the words. He didn’t connect with them the way he used to, and he knew that if he was to keep singing with his old band, he definitely had to write something new.
Inspiration, however, wouldn’t be hard to find. Vic realized that when he noticed the way Kellin watched him when he sang.
He knew his friends were skeptical about his relationship with Kellin. After a few visits to the house, Tony even worked up the nerve to ask about the two of them. He wasn’t rude or repulsed, just confused. And Vic really couldn’t blame him. Before Eddie had taken him, Vic only ever had eyes for pretty girls.
Even now, especially after a few months home, he couldn’t help but recognize how attractive and alluring women could be. A girl in the grocery store smiled at him and he’d had to keep his head down the rest of the shopping trip so Kellin wouldn’t notice how flustered a simple glance could make him.
It didn’t matter though. He had Kellin and he wanted Kellin. Women were great—they were beautiful and elegant, and had all the right curves in all the right places—but they weren’t Kellin.
Kellin understood him. Kellin loved him. Vic wasn’t about to take that for granted. He doubted a woman would ever want to hear him whine about what Eddie had put him through, but Kellin listened intently and offered empathy. They liked all the same things and shared the same passions for music and art.
He was everything Vic wanted in a best friend and, even if he wasn’t gorgeous in the ways that women were, he was still attractive. He had those big blue eyes and a smile that could make Vic feel weak in the knees. What more could he want from a romantic partner?
That was how Vic explained it whenever someone would ask, anyway. Women were great, but there wasn’t one good enough to replace Kellin.
“You’re staring at me again.”
The words snapped Vic out of his thoughts, causing his fingers to still on the strings of his acoustic guitar. He’d been working on the melody for a new song while Kellin clicked through his online classes on Vic’s laptop.
“Why are you staring at me?” Kellin asked, laughing as he closed the laptop and set it aside on the bed.
“I…I was making sure you were doing your homework and not messing around on Facebook again,” Vic said, knowing his tone was anything but convincing.
“Right,” Kellin said. “How’s the song coming?”
“Um… Good. I think… I don’t know.” Vic looked down at his guitar and strummed the strings a few more times before he realized his concentration had been irreparably broken. “How was homework?”
“Boring. It’s homework,” Kellin said, scooting closer to where Vic sat at the foot of the bed. He pressed a kiss onto Vic’s cheek, then laid down with his head in Vic’s lap.
Vic smiled down at him and started smoothing his hair. It had become so shiny since Kellin had started living with him. He was healthier than he’d ever been—probably even more so than when he’d lived with his mother before Eddie got involved. His skin was no longer dull; the dark circles had disappeared from under his eyes. Even his scars were starting to fade, even though they’d never vanish completely.
“You’re staring at me,” Kellin repeated in a sing-song tone.
“I can’t help it,” Vic said, laughing a little as he continued to run his fingers through Kellin’s soft hair.
“Can’t help it, huh?” Kellin reached for Vic’s free hand and brought it to his chest, holding it over his heart after pressing a quick kiss onto Vic’s knuckles.
“No… I was just thinking.”
“Thinking? Oh no. I hate it when you start thinking,” Kellin said, smiling the whole time.
“Nothing bad. Just…thinking about you.”
“You’re always thinking about me,” Kellin said as he sat up. He kissed Vic on the lips, then crawled back over to the head of the bed—making a point to wiggle his hips a bit when he noticed Vic watching him.
Vic readily accepted the invitation and climbed over top of him, wrapping an arm around Kellin’s waist in order to pull the boy’s hips back against his own. He nuzzled Kellin’s neck a moment, taking in his scent with an appreciative hum before releasing his hold. He knew he couldn’t keep Kellin trapped against his body for more than a few seconds at a time, but he appreciated the moments he could get.
As soon as Kellin was free, he rolled over onto his back and reached up to get his arms around Vic’s shoulders. They kissed for a while, their mouths slowly working together until Kellin started moaning. He lifted his hips from the bed in order to press himself up against Vic, groaning softly until Vic started grinding down against him.
Vic lived for moments like this.
It didn’t last long. It never did. Once they were undressed—once Kellin finally let Vic inside—everything just happened so fast. The first few times, Vic had been more than self-conscious about it, but Kellin never complained. As long as he was satisfied in the end, he didn’t seem to care how long it lasted.
Maybe it was better that way considering the slightest trigger could throw Kellin into a panic attack when someone was over top of him.
Kellin laid himself down on Vic’s chest after it was over, breathing heavily while Vic petted his hair. Every now and then Kellin would kiss Vic’s neck or chin, and Vic would respond by kissing the top of his head. It was important they stayed close afterwards, maybe more so for Vic than Kellin.
He worried that Kellin would think he’d been taken advantage of or used. Kellin was still so young and the last thing Vic wanted was to be part of what caused the boy pain if, in the future, they didn’t work out. He didn’t want Kellin to look back and think of him as a manipulator, someone who preyed on him and used him for sex like Eddie. If something went wrong and Kellin decided he deserved someone better than a nervous wreck who lived out of a pill bottle, Vic didn’t want Kellin to remember him with hatred.
Vic believed that if he proved to Kellin that he was loved and cherished, he could keep them together no matter what. He wanted to prove that he was different from Eddie. He was so afraid he’d make a mistake—just one wrong move—and make himself look like Eddie in Kellin’s eyes.
Eddie never held them or kissed them—not in a way that wasn’t forceful at least. Eddie never whispered to Kellin that he was perfect or snuggled with him after sex.
“So…I’ve been talking to your dad,” Kellin said, rather suddenly, before pressing another kiss to Vic’s neck.
“My dad? Why?”
“He told me I could work with him on that new contract he got. He said he’d pay me.” Kellin shifted around until he was laying on his stomach at Vic’s side, propped up on his elbows.
“You don’t need to be working. You have to focus on your classes,” Vic said. He didn’t like the idea at all. Painting houses was awful work—hard work. He’d rather Kellin stayed at home where he was safe… But Kellin wasn’t like Vic. He wasn’t afraid to go outside the way Vic was. He was so much stronger.
“I was thinking we could work together. I mean…where else can I make money and be with you all the time, right?”
“It’s hard work, though. You could get hurt. It’d kill me if something happened to you.” Vic tried to pull Kellin back onto his chest again, but the boy resisted and ended up sitting himself up against the headboard.
“That’s why you have to come with me—so you can do all the work while I get paid to stand in the corner where I’m safe,” Kellin said, grinning at him.
“Why do you need to get paid? We’ve got money. If you need something—”
“I have to get a job somewhere. I’m not going to mooch off your parents for the rest of my life. At least your dad will know why I’m crazy if I start freaking out. No one else is going to put up with that. And besides, I want to get you something nice for your birthday next year instead of just tacking my name on something your mom bought.”
“You don’t have to get me anything—ever. I’m lucky just to have you,” Vic said.
“Shut up,” Kellin said, rolling his eyes and turning his face away when he started blushing. He grabbed the blankets and pulled them up to his chest, stealing the covers away from Vic’s back—exposing him to the cold.
“Hey!” Vic tried to grab the blankets back, but as soon as Kellin saw the opportunity to start a game of keep away, he made a show of keeping the whole of the blanket to himself. In his efforts to get it back, Vic succeeded in getting Kellin to lay on his chest again—the only position where he could keep the boy safe and caged in his arms.
He wasn’t ready to let go yet.
Soon, maybe, but certainly not yet.