Chapter Text
You did it. After weeks and weeks with those thoughts buzzing in your head, following your every step like a shadow attached to the deepest corner of your mind, you had finally gathered enough courage to give them air and breathe them out, to bring them to life. As the question escaped your mouth, the ringing stopped, leaving way for a new feeling of pressure as the true meaning behind it reached Suguru. You didn't know how the sorcerer would answer to it, no matter how much you'd gotten to know him throughout the mission, he was still a mystery to you. There was an underlying darkness behind his eyes, a stillness in his stance, whatever emotion was within him, he rarely pushed it to the surface, making it impossible for you or even Marina to know what he was feeling. Of course, Satoru, the person whose face always an exact reflection of his thoughts, was the only person who could read his best friend. But he wasn't here right now, actually, you hoped he would take his time. The last thing you wanted was for him to listen to this conversation.
To your surprise, Suguru smirked. He shifted in his feet, gazing at the ground before meeting your eyes once again, letting out a low, breathy giggle, the sort of snicker that had his shoulders bob up, before falling into position. A million thoughts crossed your mind just then. Maybe he was laughing because you had asked an insane question, the type that was so absurd, the only appropriate reaction was to take it as a joke, or maybe he honestly thought you were joking around, and that was his genuine response. Maybe he thought you'd simply gone mad, and that's exactly how you felt as you watched Suguru slowly began to compose himself. What had gotten into you? You were a young, frail girl who had never, even once in her lifetime, had the strength to fight for herself, let alone others. A serious student, who was the top of all of her classes and who only needed one more year to graduate in Classical Studies. Your life was about to begin, why were you trying to stir away?
So many pending questions, you needed a stable answer. "Why are you laughing?", you asked him, not out of anger, but genuinely curious and slightly afraid of what he would say. "I know how it sounds, especially coming from someone like me, but I'm being serious". Suguru pushed a hand through his hair before his smile turned into a knowing smirk. "Don't worry, I'm not laughing at you", he said first, sensing your agitation, then continued. "I laughed because I knew you'd come to want this". The words spilled out with ease, they laid comfortably on his lips, as if he'd spoken them before, and in seconds everything clicked. "I told Satoru, warned him not to involve you in this mess, it was obvious someone like you-", he paused, reciting your own words. "-wouldn't be satisfied by just landing a hand".
The result was the opposite of anything you'd thought and hoped for, since Suguru's confession left you more and more tense. "What do you mean?". The anticipation made the atmosphere dense and electric. They've talked about me? When? From what he'd said, it made it seem as if they had the conversation before even meeting you. Another person would have made you sit down, or they would have gotten closer to you, to reassure you, but Suguru stood still in his icy manner, his arms now crossed on his chest. "You stood out to us. Not only were you known for being a good student, your name floated around everywhere for your general intelligence. We knew instantly that you were different from the others. I'm sure if we dig back to your past, you'd probably tell us that school was never really a problem to you, that studying came easy, that you were twice as mature as people your age, that you preferred talking to your friends's parents than other children". As each word began to resonate with you, your body heated up inside, even if your skin felt as cold as ice. "Math was your favourite subject, because it challenged you, until that became too easy and you decided to move on to something more stimulating, like literature and ancient languages".
"How do you know all of this?", you asked. Because it was true, every single statement that came out of Suguru painted a terribly accurate picture of your journey from childhood to now. The way children your age avoided you for being too serious, solving problems that took other classmates hours in minutes, the feeling of never really fitting in because everything seemed just so easy and... boring.
"It's an exchange", Suguru said. "Like Satoru said before, in our world, sometimes a pact is made, a trade in which an individual's Cursed Energy can be replaced for a greater skill. Most Jujutsu Sorcerers opt for a stronger body, the type that can withstand the most powerful damage and give the Sorcerer the strength to fight against any enemy, no matter their level. It's what we call a Heavenly Restriction". The warm feeling that had started to spread through your body shocked you like a spark being ignited. Somehow, those two words, their meaning, were already inside you, they'd been laying dormant all this time, and only now they'd awakened, causing a chain reaction of different emotions, suddenly, you weren't alone, suddenly, you fit. You were whole. Your head began to spin. That single information opened a million other implications, that were branching out, splitting themselves in so many paths. It was too much. You instinctively brought your hands to your head, in a useless attempt to stop it from spiralling.
Suguru, the cold and distant person who hardly ever shown any emotion or care for others, walked towards you and rested his hands on your shoulders, with barely any pressure, just enough to guide you to your bed and sit you down. "I know it's a lot to take in", he said. His voice had a softness in it you'd never heard before. "This is the truth. You're one of us, you've always been one of us".
"I don't understand...", your voice was low and quiet, a whisper that scraped the back of your throat. "How is this possible? I've never seen a Curse before, I don't have any special powers, up until five months ago I didn't even know of your existence".
"It's possible a member of your family is a Sorcerer, and they made the Heavenly Exchange themselves to hide your Cursed Energy. But your nature is indisputable. I know you can feel it". Every inch of your body wanted to contradict him, to tell him he was wrong, but you couldn't, because that wouldn't have been the truth. It all made too much sense. Events of the past, even memories you thought you'd forgotten, were now surfacing again, under a new light. Was that the reason you 'd been the only one cautious of Satoru? Was that the reason you were so attracted to him? Was that why he was so attracted to you?
"It's a lot to take in", you said with a giggle, hoping to lighten the mood, but also to reassure Suguru that you were still there, mentally, even though it felt as if your brain was twirling like a spinning top. "So, what happens now?".
"That's the thing-", he started, walking back to his spot, the corner next to the window. He crossed his arms, which suddenly made him look like an austere parent. "This wasn't part of the plan. The way I see it, you have two options. Number one. You can choose to ignore this, go back to how your life was before we interrupted it, graduate, get a job, like a regular human being. Number two, and this is where things get complicated, you could start your path as a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Obviously, it would be really difficult, since you don't have any Cursed Energy or the strength to fight curses-"
You interrupted him. "So you're saying I would be useless as a Jujutsu Sorcerer".
"Not necessarily. We could help you find a Cursed Object to fight with that doesn't rely on strength, like a gun, which also has a long range. That way, you could still fight from far away". Suguru paused to see your reaction. "That's if you wanted to fight", he added.
"What do you mean?", you asked.
"Well, if that's not something you want to do, there's still the option of being a strategist. That way you wouldn't have to be in the thick of it, you could sit on the sidelines and help other Sorcerers on the battlefield".
"Like Athena?".
Suguru's brows fell down, confused. "I don't know who that is".
You nodded with a smile. At times you completely forgot how little Suguru knew of the world outside of Jujutsu. "Never mind".
To your surprise, he was smiling too. This was the longest conversation you'd ever had with Suguru, just the two of you, and you had to admit to yourself that he was not as cold as you had thought him to be. You could feel in his voice how much he loved his world and the respect he held for other Sorcerers, even the Elders, who Satoru apparently hated. And even though you weren't really on his level, both in strength or skill, he was treating you with the same consideration he would give to someone his equal. He wasn't judging you, nor was he treating you with less respect. He was listening to you and carefully helping you through this hard discovery. "You don't seem convinced", he said.
You leaned back on your bed, propping your hands behind to keep you in place. "I just have to think about it".
"I understand". The conversation came to a standstill, which prompted Suguru to walk towards the door. He knew you needed time, time to be alone and think. You thanked him with a smile, as his hand reached for the handle.
"Wait. Before you go...", you said, suddenly turning to your left, towards him. He met your eyes. "If I do choose to become a Jujutsu Sorcerer, could I come to your school?".
"In Japan?", he asked. You nodded in response. Suguru's whole body softened, his head bent down, his eyes curved under the slight pressure of the smile he was trying to hide. "You would really uproot your entire life for him, huh?". His tone was low and warm, soothing, the voice of someone who understood that feeling completely, of meeting someone such as Satoru, and the emptiness that came when trying to imagine a world without his greatness, the complexity of being in the presence of someone so strong, yet so human. When he looked at you again, his smile had faded away, replaced by a somber expression, one you couldn't quite decipher. "I'll leave you... you have a lot to figure out".
The door closed behind him without making any sound. Suguru was gone.
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In the end, you decided a shower was exactly what you needed. During the winter, the dorms where almost as cold as the outside, so, once you opened the door to your room, you ran to the shared bathrooms and hurried to open the warm water. After waiting a few seconds for it to be hot enough to steam up the place, you finally moved under the stream. That was something you'd inherited from your mom. A wave of nostalgia hit you, as you remembered when she would come out of the bathroom after a shower, and the steam would leak everywhere, like a sauna. As a child, you always wondered how she could stand being under flaming hot water, but now you were the same as her. A quiet giggle escaped you. Your dad would often come running to the bathroom, pretending to be a fireman, trying to extinguish a fire, just to make you and your mom laugh.
It had been so long since he'd made a joke like that. It had been long since you'd talked to him and your mom. A heavy weight formed in your stomach. What would they think of all of this? During these long months, you'd never thought about them, how they would react if they knew what you were doing. They didn't know you had a new best friend. They didn't know how good it felt to have a place of your own, a quiet place to do as you wanted. They didn't know that your grades were slowly decreasing. And yet, they were aware of something that they had kept secret from you all your life. If Suguru was telling the truth, someone in your family was a Jujutsu Sorcerer. The water rushing down your body, its cascading sound made it easy for you to leave the world outside those narrow walls and zone in on your thoughts.
Immediately, you knew it couldn't have been your mother. Even if you'd never met a female Jujutsu Sorcerer, you compared her body to Satoru and Suguru's, so strong, built for combat. Your mom was small and rather frail, there was no way she could have been the one you were looking for. Your dad was the optimal choice. He was tall, and even though he'd gotten big over the years, you could tell there were some muscles hidden under his ugly, washed away polo shirts. However, he was the most uncoordinated person you'd ever met, so you had to rule him out, which didn't leave many options. The only people who were left, the closest to you at least, were your grandparents. In some ways, their behaviour was similar to how Suguru's was before you had gotten to know him. Cold, strict and prone to avoid fun at any cost. For that reason, you didn't know them too well, they mostly kept to themselves, and, now that you were thinking about it, your parents had never told you a single story about them or their lives. Suspicious.
Your hands, that up until now had been carefully cleaning your hair, dropped in front of your face. This is ridiculous. I'm in the shower, accusing my eighty-something year old grandparents of being Jujutsu Sorcerers. Am I going insane? But there was no denying it. The bubbling feeling you'd had when Suguru was talking to you before was real, it was raw, and now it followed you like an ominous shadow. You didn't even have the time to come to terms with this new revelation, it was as if your mind had decided, all on its own, to skip completely over it. So, you slowly went back and left the words hover for a while. I'm a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Or at least I could be... if I wanted to. Yet, it didn't feel as good as it did before you'd talked to Suguru. When it was still a fantasy, you pictured yourself like Satoru, head high, maybe a weapon in hand, after all, you didn't have Cursed Energy, and wearing a uniform similar to theirs, ready to run into battle. Fierce. Confident. Strong.
That dream had been shattered in one single day. Knowing the best you could ever do was be a strategist, it made you feel like curling up in a ball and never getting up. The only reason you ever even considered the possibility of becoming a Sorcerer was to help people, to save the innocent. Like Satoru had saved you. If there was a world in which you would give your life up, the prospect of graduating, getting a job and living a normal life, that wasn't it. To you, it wasn't worth it. But Satoru... Suguru had made a mistake. He wasn't the only reason you were willing to uproot your current life to go to Jujutsu High, however, the thought of being separated from him hurt, a type of pain you'd never known before meeting him. The two of you weren't meant for each other. You were two opposites, you came from different countries, you lived in separate worlds. But now that you had found one another, those differences had slowly become your strengths. You wondered what Satoru would think of you becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer. Something told you he was either going to love the idea and ask you to move to Japan the next day, or he was going to be totally against it. There was no in between with Satoru.
You remembered then that you'd promised him to meet in your room, so you sped everything up. When you were finally done, you made sure to clean up the shower, then wrapped a towel around your body, topping it off with a bathrobe. Clothes in hand, you took a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself for the cold. The hallway was the worst part, since there was a window that had been stuck open for so long that nobody could remember when it actually broke, and that allowed for the coldest winds to blow inside. You got to your room as fast as you could. Once you were inside, you were able to feel your entire body covered in chills and did your best to dry off as much water, without taking off the only pieces that were keeping you warm. The shower had helped you ease your mind off the conversation with Suguru and to sort out your thoughts, but your emotions were still building on top of each other, like a wobbly stone tower. Because of this, you couldn't stop yourself from what you did next. Confused, tense and a little angry, you grabbed your phone and dialled your mom's number.
You knew she would be at work at that time. No matter how you felt, you didn't have the guts to face her after so long of not talking to her. Instead, you waited for the answering machine. "Hi mom, how are you? I'm sorry if I've been so quiet these past few months, but I've been busy with uni and the exams. Everything's okay, though. I just-". How could you even approach something like this? "I was wondering if there's something I should know about... I don't know, I guess I'm having a hard time understanding who I am, and I think you might know what I'm talking about". In your head, that was vague enough not to alarm her in case she had no idea about it all. "Anyway, maybe I'm just having an existential crisis or something. But I'm fine, I swear. I love you". After that, you hung up as fast as you could, your heart beating so loudly, it felt as if the entire room was shaking. Why did I do that? She's gonna think I'm going insane. You immediately opened a tab to search if there was a way to delete messages from other people's phones.
Just then, you felt a hand on your shoulder.
Out of fear, you turned around, screaming, and swung your arm. You were caught so off guard, that your hand went flailing like a piece of paper in the air, a pathetic attempt of defending yourself. Still, it made contact. Satoru took a few steps back, holding his now red cheek with one hand, his glasses tilted to the side after the attack. "Oouw". Once you realised what had happened, you rushed to him, to make sure he wasn't hurt.
"I'm sorry! You scared the shit out of me!" You were out of breath from the scare, but still managed to blurt out.
"No, it's fine. I didn't know you were into that kinda stuff", he said, raising one of his eyebrows. He then started massaging his jaw, as if to put it back to place. "You hit me so hard, I think my eyes are a different colour now".
You rolled your eyes. "I'm sorry, but can you please knock the next time you come? I know it's easier to teleport here, but this is my private space. You can't just barge in". Just when you thought your heartbeat would begin to slow down, the idea that he could have been listening to the message you'd left to your mom made your stomach sink. By his expression, it didn't seem as if he'd heard anything, so you awaited for his response, while trying to calm down.
"Oh... I didn't think about that. I'm sorry, too", he said, walking closer to you.
"That's okay. Just, don't do it again, okay?".
"I promise. But can you check on my eyes? I swear I felt them spin inside my head".
You smiled at his ridiculous request, but abided by it. You filled the gap between the two of you, then pushed yourself up with your feet to get a better look. In that moment, Satoru's arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you into his chest. He gently pressed his lips against yours, and you could feel an accomplished smile forming as you kissed him back. You pulled away to meet his eyes. "Smooth", you said, making fun of him. Usually, his affection and closeness were enough to make you forget all your worries, but now that he was part of them, his presence made you tense up. You wished you'd had more time by yourself, to think of what to do. The pressure came back, as you balanced your options. Much of it came from the fact that the future was so murky. How were you supposed to make a decision, when you had no idea of what its effects would be? You needed more time to clear your mind. You wanted for all of it to stop, even if just for a brief moment.
With no hesitation, you met Satoru's lips once again, pushing into him with so much force and need, he stumbled back. But he didn't stop the kiss, not even to make one of his snarky comments. His grip tightened, and your body pushed against his in response. You knew he wanted it, he wanted you, so what was the harm in letting him just take control? What was the harm in just losing yourself to him like that? It felt good to act and not think. Your hands found his back, while his freed you of the hood of the bathrobe. Your hair was still wet and stuck to your face. Satoru pushed it away with his fingers, as he stopped the kiss to lock eyes. "You look so hot right now", he whispered. "But you would look even hotter without this on".
You drew nearer, until your lips were brushing against each other. "You should take it off then", you said in response. Tension was beginning to build inside you, as his fingers started fidgeting with the belt, but you didn't let that time go to waist. You unzipped his pants and ever so gently pressed your hand at the bottom of his stomach, just barely underneath the seem of his boxers. Just then, he untied he bathrobe and helped it slide off of you. Your wet hair fell onto your bare skin, as small, cold droplets made their way down your back, making you tremble. Satoru opened his eyes to find your body covered in another towel. "How many more are there?", he giggled, with a whimper in his voice. You followed after him.
"I swear this is the last one".
He nodded. "A-ha... I'm not going to find a smaller towel under this one?". You laughed.
"What, like a matryoshka doll?". He nodded again. "You're an idiot", you said, kissing him again to shut him up, but he was still smirking under your lips. "Check for yourself", you said. Satoru parted the towel, burying his hand under and finally making contact with your skin. His fingers travelled upwards, from your waist to your back, mixing with the drops of water that still hadn't dried off, leaving trails along your body. He retracted his hand and brought it to his face, then slowly licked the water off his fingers. "It tastes like you", he said, making your stomach twist into a tighter knot. It was so unfair that he was still dressed, while you where already ready for him. You helped him take off his sweater, which you threw away, not even caring where it would land. The sight of his chest was enough to excite you, for it brought back memories of when your lips had been there, attached to his neck, to his clavicle, memories of his skin brushing against yours. Your body was burning hot, standing in anticipation. Suddenly, you couldn't feel the cold anymore.
You watched as he took off the rest of his clothes. Should I tell him? The thought broke into the walls of your mind like a wrecking ball. If Suguru knew about your ability and possible lineage, then it was impossible for Satoru not to know. Yet, Suguru hadn't even mentioned him. If they had talked about it, surely he would've told you. Right? Or maybe he was waiting for Satoru to tell you himself. You'd been so caught up with the possibility of you becoming a Jujutsu Sorcerer, you'd thrown away the right chance to ask the most important questions. He drew closer, his hands carefully around the base of your neck, as he gently pushed your chin upwards. You sneaked a look into his bright eyes, which seemed so alive to have a mind of their own, but found nothing. "Are you okay?", he asked.
"Yes, I'm fine".
His eyebrows sank. "We can stop if you don't want to". His voice was tender, like a loving caress.
"I want to". There were so many things you wanted to say instead, but this was not the time. To get you back into the mindset, Satoru placed his lips on the bottom of your neck, then made his way up, over your vein, over your jaw, back to your mouth, and just like that, your thoughts went blank, each disappeared like smoke. A new sensation stirred up inside, it wasn't the usual feeling that creeped up when you were with Satoru. This one started at your chest and sank all the way back, into the pits of your stomach, clawing at you like a feral animal. You tried pushing it away, to kill it on the spot, but it wouldn't budge. Since it wasn't going away, you decided to pile it with the other unpleasant thoughts that had been clinging to you since your talk with Suguru. Satoru had had enough of your towel. He opened it and threw it on the floor. His mouth was watering, waiting for your response.
You kissed him back, and felt each of his kisses as he left a trail, back down your body. He fell to his knees, his lips and tongue circled around your belly button, his juices mixing with the water drops. "Open up for me", he mumbled. You obeyed, parting your legs, and felt him make contact with your thighs, up and up, but never where you wanted him to go. You dug your hands into his hair, to guide him, but he didn't buckle from your request, he kept his tongue far away, teasing his arrival. When you tried again, a low giggle escaped his mouth, his breath caressing your skin. "Not like this". Satoru took your hand and signalled for you to kneel on the floor in front of him. Filled with excitement, you did as he asked. He then laid down on his back and invited you over. "Sit". Such simple word, but it made you stop breathing.
You'd never done this before, and was a little unsure of how much pressure to put on him. Sensing your insecurities, Satoru slid over. He placed his strong hands on your thighs and helped you find a comfortable spot. In that position, you could feel his lips pressing against yours and his nose pushing against your sensitive spot, and that's when he began. The sudden wave of pleasure was enough to make you moan on command, a sound that surprised even Satoru. You could feel his chest pulsating underneath you as he chuckled away, but he was still concentrated on his job. His tongue was slow, yet precise, it slip up and down, separating your lips, circling around your core, only to go back up and quiver against your clit. Your hands found their way back into his hair, but this time not to guide him, simply to release your tension.
Without thinking, your hips began to react to his movements, to follow his instructions. When you caught yourself, you tried holding back, afraid it would be too uncomfortable to him, but he didn't seem to care. In fact, with his hands on your butt, he pushed you down, further into his mouth, and guided your hips back and forth. This, together with his mouth, was too much for you. Your head bent backwards, as the familiar knot in your stomach started to tighten. To get a better spot, you placed your hands forward, on the floor, and pushed all your weight on them, freeing your hips. One beat after the other, you got closer to your peak. Your core was pulsating, and just when you thought you'd had enough, Satoru pushed his tongue right into your clit and, hands still on your thighs, remained in place, while you continued to ride him. He'd started moaning too, your voices mixing together, until everything exploded. Your hips buckled, your thighs closed together, your whole body trembled.
Mouth agape, you pushed outside each moan, trying to catch your breath and slow down your racing heart. "Fuck", you managed to say in between sighs. Like the devil he was, he kept pushing his tongue into you, making you clench once again at every stroke. To make him stop, you took a few steps back, until your face was above his, your wet hair dropping little drops around Satoru's cheeks. "Come taste yourself, baby", he said. Aching for him, you kissed him, putting all of your weight on his lips. A sweet taste filled your mouth, as your tongues intertwined. A little tired, you sat on his lap, and felt that you were no where close to being done. With what strength you had left, you moved your hips on his length, soft movements that made him moan into your mouth. It was your turn to tease him.
He was close to laughing. "Uh- I knew you would get me back". You could feel him hardening even more in between your lips. You wrapped your hand around his jaw and tightened the grip, which made his lips scrunch up.
"What do you want me to do?", you asked him.
Satoru took a few seconds to respond, his mind completely taken by the feeling of your bodies rubbing together. "I want you... to slip it in".
"Slip it in...?".
His eyebrows furrowed, his cheeks reddened. "Please".
You waited for some time, just enough to get ready for him again, as he kept on pleading for you to give him what he wanted. Once you were done, you reached down for his member, aligned it and slowly pushed it inside. You were so wet, it didn't take much, you felt every inch as it stretched you out. Taking a page out of his book, the movements were gentle and patient. You kept your eyes locked into his. He was already so stimulated that his heartbeat was going insane, his breath fastening with each intake. Seeing him in that state soon brought you at his same level, and your wall didn't last long. Your hips sped up. You needed him to be louder, to scream your name and clench you tight to his own body, and you wouldn't stop until you made him into a whimpering mess. Using his chest as support, you added a bounce to your movements, and quickly that familiar feeling began to form in your lower stomach, as his length went in deeper which each thrust.
After a while, you could feel the fatigue building in your muscles, and couldn't help but slowing down. You dropped down, until you were chest to chest with Satoru, to take a break. You kissed him passionately, hoping he would wait for you, but he needed to come just as much as you. "Do you want me to help you?", he whispered in your ear, his voice broken from the stimulation. You kept on kissing him, nodding. "Yeah?", he asked again, but this time he didn't wait for your response. Satoru wrapped his arms around your back to pull you in closer, bent his legs for support and began thrusting into you with so much force that your cheek kept slamming against his face. Embarrassed by how loud you were being, you buried your face into the crook of his neck to muffle your cries.
"Fuck", he moaned. "You're getting tighter and tighter". As if he could read your thoughts, Satoru slowed down, but hit each thrust harder and harder, until you were both a sobbing mess. "Are you gonna come, baby?", he asked, knowing very well that you were almost at your peak. To make things worst, he moved your hair out of the way and pressed his lips against your neck, kissing every inch available to him. Hit after hit, it was all building up in your lower stomach. You could feel him throbbing inside you, he was about to come as well. Suddenly he sped up, his thrusts became sloppier. "I want every single drop of you inside me", you said, which finally led him over the edge. He gave a few final hits as a warm feeling spread inside your walls, shaking from his pulsating member.
He could sense that you weren't done yet, so he reached for your clit and made a circling motion with his fingers. With his dick still inside, he began moving again, as he was still coming, and those sensations alone were enough to drive you through the wall. Once again, your knees gave out, your legs hardening around his waist. You stayed there, loosening inside your hug, waiting for each other to calm back down. His hands moved to the sides of your face and guided you to his mouth, where he left the sloppiest kiss. You were so tired, you couldn't keep your head up and let it lean on his forehead. "God, I'm exhausted", you murmured. A chuckle escaped Satoru's lips.
"Hey, you told me you wanted to be on top". You let go of him and laid next to him on the floor. Both of your bodies were boiling hot, but Satoru didn't care, he extended an arm under your neck, his cue for you to snuggle up to him, an offer you couldn't resist. Before he could cuddle you back, he slipped off his condom and threw it in the nearby trashcan. Holding on to him and after all of that, you thought it would be enough for that uncomfortable feeling to go away, but it came back, right in between your ribs, and now you knew why. While you were him, while you were showing the other how you felt, your mind had the opportunity to slip away from reality. You had used him. Used him to make yourself feel better, to feel free of those cramped thoughts.
You looked at Satoru. His eyes were closed, his lips sealed in what looked like a satisfied smile. Now was not the time to think or to feel things like that, not when you were with him. You weren't going to taint your memories together like that. You sat up and reached for your phone, hoping to see a text from Emily, but apart from a silly message from Marina, everything was quiet. After a quick clean up, you went back to Satoru, who had nestled inside your bed covers. You got in and laid against him. Soon, he turned around and wrapped you in his arms from behind. You fell asleep with your guilt, knowing you would be a better person in the morning.