Chapter Text
“So, what do you think, Nigel? Should I say yes?”
“Yes to making Miranda jealous? Well, of course!”
“What? I meant working for Donatella. You know, the photoshoot I’ve mentioned?”
“Same thing.”
“What do you mean?” Andy was confused. Miranda, jealous? About what?
“Don’t play fool with me, Six. I know you, and I sure as Hell have known Miranda for a long, long time.”
“Nige, I’m serious, what are you talking about?”
“I feel like I’m having a déjà vu here. You really don’t know.”
“Know what? “
“You gotta be kidding me! This song was one of our favorites when Miranda and I went clubbing in the 80s!” the man seemed to forget about their conversation and simply grabbed her friend by the hand, leaving their drinks on the table.
“What now?”
When the people go
Then my mind is crying
When the children leave
And tearing the world with thee
“How old are you?” Nigel said.
“Err… twenty-five?”
“No, Six, it’s the song! How old are you?!”
“Oh… oh, wait, I know this one! It’s by Miko Mission, right?”
“The one and only. Too bad you don’t know what seeing Miranda dancing to 80s music is like. I bet that’s something you’d kill for, and not your job, like a million girls would do!” he laughed.
“Yeah, that’s true!” she danced with Nigel a bit more, forgetting about whatever the man had been trying to tell her before.
Now, how old are you? Where is your harbour?
Have many things to do? Open the door
Yes, I live so true, without my lover
But tell me if the sky is blue, how old are you?
She felt like the song finished too quickly, or maybe she was having too much fun. She had tried to imagine what dancing with Miranda would feel like. Her sparkly silver hair under the disco lights… she would attract everybody’s attention, she would even smile while dancing, just for her.
“Hello? Earth calling Six?”
“Sorry, I zoomed out a little bit.”
“No kidding. What were you thinking about? Or should I ask who?” Nigel took a sip of his drink, a knowing smile on his face.
“Why are you able to read me so easily?”
“Oh, my God, you two are so made for each other. You’re already saying the same stuff! Don’t let her know I used that word.”
“Saying what stuff?! I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or if I’m that dense, but Nigel, just tell me already!”
“Andy: you and Miranda are so fucking useless… Oops, excuse my language! Or, given the circumstances, I guess I should say ‘excuse my French!’” he giggled to himself, as if he had just told the funniest joke in the world.
“Ha, ha. Useless how? If Miranda knew you just called her that, she’d have your head served on a silver platter.”
“Well, since we’re in France, you could ask some gentlemen to let you borrow their guillotine, I’m sure Miranda will be very proud of you anticipating her needs, although she would rather have you cover other type of needs, if you know what I mean…”
“Eww! Don’t be like that! Okay, I wish I could date her, I wish she and I were dancing together at this moment. Not that you are bad company or anything! You know what I mean, but… ugh, it doesn’t matter. As if she would ever be into me anyway! My God, the things you say…” now it was the brunette’s turn to take a sip of her drink. She emptied what was left of her glass at once.
“Eaasy, easy there, Six. The night just started, and I don’t want you to get all drunk and me having to babysit you.”
“Speaking of babysitting, how are the girls? Did Miranda mention them at all?”
“Yes, they are at their father’s while we’re here, having fun. Oh, come on, I love this song too! I know I am no Miranda, but dance with me!”
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“Hi, mom! Are you coming home?” the twins were video calling their mother.
“Not just yet. I’ll catch the first flight tomorrow morning, Bobbseys.”
“Finally! Please, tell Cara to go easy on the vegetables when we get back. Dad keeps making us eat them every day, this is like jail!” Caroline complained.
Miranda could not hold her laugh. Only her daughters would be that dramatic, it seemed they took after their mother.
“Vegetables are important,” she could see the looks of disappointment in their daughter’s faces, “but I guess the first day I’m back we could order takeout. What do you say?”
“Yass!” they cheered.
Children were so easy to please sometimes… Miranda shook her head, smiling.
“If this is your way of earning points so we like you better than dad, it’s working.” Cassidy stated.
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Bobbsey! I know you like me better” she replied, making her children laugh.
“So, is this fashion week everything you expected?” Cassidy asked.
“...or did a mediocre designer show their hideous clothing on the runway?” her sister added.
“A little bit of both, but most of the pieces were alright. Andrea seemed to like Versace in particular.” she sounded a little bitter when pronouncing her friend’s brand, for some reason.
“An-druh-a, huh?” the twins shared a look their mother could not decipher.
“What is it?”
“That’s the Potter girl, right? The one we saw dancing on the video we talked to you about in an email?”
“That would be her, yes.”
“Since when do you care about your assistants’ opinion?” Caroline tried to sound innocent when making that question, but she and her sister knew very well what they were doing.
“Well, they are part of the Runway team. I have to make sure they’re worthy of working for me.” the Editor-in-Chief said nonchalantly. Her daughters knew better, though.
“Uh-huh.”
“Girls, I need to ask you a question.”
“Okay?”
“Am I allergic to serve?
“Are you what?! How do you know about that expression?”
“Donatella mentioned it. What the hell does that even mean?”
The twins started laughing but stopped the moment they saw their mother’s stern expression.
“Well?” she crossed her arms.
“You’re not like other famous people, you’re always trying to avoid giving people something to talk about.” Caroline explained.
“Yeah, you don’t stand out as a diva.” her sister added.
“Excuse me?”
“But that’s not a bad thing! It’s okay, the worst thing they could say about you is “gooo girl, give us nothing! So what? Ignore them.”
Miranda knew this was stupid, but still, she felt like she was being insulted somehow.
“We’re sure An-druh-a thinks otherwise.” Caroline said with a mischievous look.
“And why would that be?”
“Because you’re always serving when it comes to your outfits, and if there is someone who would appreciate that, it’s her for sure.” Cassidy said.
“That better be the case. She used to mock the fashion business, now she actually cares about clothes.”
“Told you, she’s helpless.” Caroline whispered into her sister’s ear.
“What are you two mumbling about?”
“Oh, uhm… nothing, gotta go!”
“have to go” Miranda corrected.
“You too? Okay, see ya tomorrow.” they ended the call.
The Editor-in-Chief rolled her eyes. What was that about?
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“You wouldn’t dare, Six. You don’t have what it takes.” Nigel teased her friend. They had gone back to Andy’s room after having way too much to drink and dancing until they could not feel their feet anymore.
“Oh, really? Watch me!” Andy opened her video editor.
“You should add a song!”
“True! And I should add some pictures and clips as well. Oh, and an intro! And an outro! She will love it!” she clapped her hands all excited.
“Of course she will! Add one of me too!”
“Of course, and one of Emily too. I wish I could see her face if she ever watched this video!”
“Add Serena too, she deserves to be in it as well.”
“Yass, because we are aaall Queens, and especially Miranda. She’s the prettiest Queen at Runway.” she slurred her words, clicking on the files she wanted to use, closing a folder she just opened and then clicking on it again, both she and Nigel laughing.
“We are peasants; she’s the only Queen, Six. You got that wrong.”
“Right. I’m gonna write the best thing I’ve ever written, Nige. This is gonna show Miranda how much I care about her. It’s a homage to her Kingdom.”
“Atta girl!” he tried to high five her, but they slapped each other’s faces in the process, making themselves laugh like crazy.
“Okay, okay, we need to do this right.” she put on her most serious face and tried to think of quotes to add after adding the song and trying to fit the pictures that appeared on screen.
Andy decided to use a program to turn her text into voice. Otherwise, Miranda would receive a video narrated by a drunk, and she would not like that:
Life moves a little faster at Runway. That’s the way we do it. ‘Cause at Runway’s offices, we’re not just in the fashion business: this is Miranda Priestly’s Kingdom.
Let’s meet some of the folks that make these offices so special:
This is Nigel Kipling: head of the Art Department, and the only person who’s earned a ‘perfect’ from Miranda Priestly herself
This is Serena, head of the Makeup Department: she’s really nice and can bring out your inner swan
This is Emily Charlton, first assistant to the Editor-in-Chief. She is very uptight and needs to loosen up a little, but she’s loyal and a hard worker
This is me, Andy Sachs. I’m Miranda’s second assistant. When I first started here, I had no clue about what I was getting into, but over time, I left my prejudices behind, and I owe that to the Queen of this Kingdom: Miranda Priestly.
Finally, Miranda Priestly: she needs no introduction. She’s our Boss: a fierce woman, hated or feared by some, and loved by others, including myself. You rock!
“Lame! Come on, Six, you can do better than this. ‘You rock’ will be as effective as your other attempt: asking her what she sees in your eyes. That at least sounded more poetic.”
“Okay, I see your point. Let’s add more flavor.”
Finally, Miranda Priestly: she needs no introduction. She’s our Boss: a fierce woman, hated or feared by some, and loved by others, including myself. She’s smart, ambitious, powerful, and sexy as Hell. If she really is the Devil, I will follow her to the underworld itself.
“Are you really sending her this?” Nigel asked, covering her mouth, trying not to laugh.
“You dared me to do so and I agreed, so now there’s no going back. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“She could fire you.”
“Oh… well, I can find another job. She wouldn’t blacklist me, right Nige? This is like my love letter to her! She isn’t heartless!”
“There’s only one way to know. Send it.”
Andy finished her video and exported it. Then she wrote an email to her Boss, and attached the video. She could feel her heart beating like crazy.
“Sent.”
“Oh, my God, you really did it!”
“Of course I did!”
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! I WAS JUST PLAYING WITH YOU!”
“SO THIS WAS A MISTAKE? AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING ME NOW?”
“Sshh! People are sleeping. Maybe it’s not a mistake, maybe it’s meant to be. I promise you, if she doesn’t kill you for this, nothing will set you two apart. I can’t wait for her to see it!” the man jumped and clapped his hands.
“I’m so tired… let’s see what happens tomorrow.”
“Me too, but my room is too far awayyy… can I stay in your fancy couch?”
“Be my guest.” the brunette turned off her laptop, removed her makeup, and changed into her pajamas. She felt asleep the moment her head touched the pillow.
The next morning, a very annoying noise woke Andy and Nigel up.
“Ugh, make it stop!” Nigel yelled from the couch.
“Oh, no! It’s Miranda!” she looked at the screen, completely panicking, “Nigel, I have a bad feeling, did we do something wrong last night? Did I miss any of her calls?”
“I don’t remember, just take the damn call!”
“Hello?”
“You and Nigel better come to my room immediately or I will make sure the French make use of the guillotine again!”
“Yes, Miranda.” she replied, sounding like a scared little mouse.
“So?”
“You and I are in big trouble. I don’t know what we did, but she needs us to go to her room now. Let’s freshen up quickly!”
They got ready in three minutes and knocked on their Boss’ door one minute later. Making the Dragon Lady wait almost five minutes? That would definitely piss off Miranda.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Miranda had placed her laptop on the tea table, “What are you waiting for? Come here and explain why did I receive this… thing, from your personal account, Andrea, at three in the morning!”
Andy and Nigel approached the sofa where Miranda was sitting, and took a look at the screen, avoiding to take a seat next to her.
“Uhm… I don’t… I don’t recall sending you anything, Miranda.” the assistant replied.
“Perfect! So you’re telling me that you two were drunk as a skunk and did the most idiotic thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and you don’t even remember! And you thought it was such a good idea to send it to no other than your Boss!” they had never hear Miranda yell at anyone before, and she chose today to do so.
“Ugh!” they grimaced.
“Oh, I’m sorry, is my voice hurting your stupid heads? Well, you should’ve thought it twice before drinking like a fish.” she stood up and took something out of her purse.
“Here, take this before I change my mind,” she said, handing them an aspirin, “I took the liberty of ordering water before calling you here, there are glasses on that table.” she gestured dramatically towards said table, closing her eyes as if she did not want to see them ever again.
“Thank you, Miranda” they replied, and did as ordered.
The Editor-in-Chief hit play. Her employees were not prepared for what they were about to watch.
Almost two minutes later, the video finished.
“Judging by your faces, I’d say you also see the absurdity of what Andrea sent me and that I obviously can’t just let this go.”
Shit. I’m getting fired. How did I think I could make such a surreal video and send it to HER! MIRANDA FUCKING PRIESTLY! Was I in a masochistic mood last night? I’m not drinking ever again!
“I understand. I’ll retrieve my things on Monday.” Andy said in an almost inaudible voice.
“You won’t do such thing,” the older woman said, “at least not before explaining why you did this. Am I a joke to you? Did you two make a bet on me last night? ‘Let’s see who gets fired first!’” she pursed her lips. If looks could kill, they would not make it out of this room.
“Six, come on, just tell her.”
“Tell her what?!” she panicked.
“Either confess what you and I know or you will get fired.”
“I guess I just wanted you to know I appreciate you. I mean, you’re my Boss.”
“That’s it? So this is your thing? Making stupid videos and sending it to people you ‘appreciate’? Even my daughters would make something of much more quality. I am very disappointed in you, Andrea.”
For the first time, Andy did not like hearing Miranda say her name.
“Well, since you are so clueless about what this video means, I will send it to professionals. Let them decide.”
“You’re sending this to Page Six?” the assistant asked. She must be trying to humiliate me before firing me.
“I said professionals! In which world are those clowns professionals? Honestly, Andrea, I’m beginning to think you really did smack your little head on the pavement.” she shook her head.
“Then who are you sending this video to?” Nigel asked scratching his head.
“My daughters, naturally.” she smiled as if this was the most evil thing to do in the world.
“WHAT?!” both Nigel and Andy exclaimed at the same time.
A few minutes later…
“Mom? What was that?” her daughters were video calling her again, this time giggling.
“Well, apparently, I hired two morons who have nothing better to do with their free time than making… that.” she stated, “You two: sit.”
They sat next to Miranda so that Caroline and Cassidy could see them too. The twins were enjoying this moment, seeing two adults embarrassed as if they had been caught stealing from the cookie jar.
“So, An-druh-a, you must really have the hots for our mom.” Caroline asked.
“What?! I don’t…”
“No, no, that wasn’t a question.” Cassidy stated.
“Oh, my God,” Miranda’s daughters were so much like their mother it was uncanny, “I really don’t, I…”
“She just wants to dance with your mom,” Nigel intervened, making air quotes, “That’s one of the very few things I remember from last night.”
“Dancing with the Devil? You must be very brave… or very stupid.” the older woman said.
Andy suddenly felt very self-conscious, noticing everybody’s eyes were on her.
“I don’t even know what to say, it’s just a silly video…”
“Yeah, it was so stupid using an automated voice saying the text you had written instead of recording yourself to do the narrator’s voice… honestly, An-druh-a, that’s no way of impressing our mom.” Caroline rolled her eyes.
“I guess I was too drunk to speak properly.” Andy grimaced.
“So you admit it! I hired a drunk to be my second assistant!” Miranda rose from her seat, moving her arms dramatically.
“Mom, you’re missing the point: she loves you.”
“What? I don’t! the brunette tried to deny it, but her face getting flushed said otherwise.
Miranda sat down again, “That’s your final verdict? That’s what this silly video is about?” she looked at Andy, who would not look at her. She wanted Earth to swallow her.
“They’re just children, Miranda, they don’t know what they’re saying.”
“Oh, but we do,” Cassidy said, “and you know what they say: drunks and children always tell the truth.” both she and her twin nodded at the same time.
“Alright, I think this is enough. We need to pack our things and be at the airport in less than two hours. We’ll talk more about this when we get there.”
“We?” Andy and Nigel asked.
“You’re not getting rid of me so easily. You two will be having dinner with me and my daughters. That’s all” she dismissed them with her usual hand gesture.
“That didn’t go as bad as I thought.” Nigel said after closing Miranda’s door.
“Maybe for you! Now she nows I’m an idiot who has a stupid crush on her! Ugh!”
Nigel shook his head. The fact her friend still did not know the only reason why she had not been fired is because her feelings were not one-sided made him think maybe she was a bit of an idiot. An adorable idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.
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By the time they arrived at the townhouse, the twins were waiting at the living room in Cara’s company.
“Mom!” they got up to greet Miranda, she hugged them back and kissed their heads.
“You brought company…” Caroline said, eyeing Andy and Nigel.
Great, now they’re gonna tease me about having a crush on her mom.
“We will need to order at least an extra pizza.” Cassidy shrugged.
Oh, so that’s what that was about. Dinner. Andy smiled, relieved.
Miranda dismissed Cara and then turned around, facing Andy and Nigel, “What kind of pizza would you like? My children must have the pamphlet.”
“Here.” one of them handed it to Andy.
About twenty minutes later, the five of them were sitting at the kitchen island, and the twins decided to ask about Fashion Week to break the ice, since there was a lot of tension in the air.
“Andrea will be Donatella’s new muse, for a change.” Miranda said.
“I still haven’t decided if I will do a collaboration with her. I’m sure she’ll change her mind.”
“Excuse me?!” the twins exclaimed at the same time.
“There is nothing for you to decide,” Caroline started.
“If Donatella tells you to jump off of a bridge, you jump!” Cassidy added, “It’s Donatella fricking Versace!” she moved her hands dramatically.
Miranda smiled and turned to Andy, “You heard them, Andrea. You can’t say no. And why would you think she would change her mind? That’s nonsense.” Miranda said, cutting a slice of her pizza with a fork and a knife. She was one of those people.
“I’m just your assistant! Why not do a photoshoot with an actual model instead?”
“Hello? You look like a Disney princess!” Cassidy exclaimed.
“Duh!” her sister and her seemed to agree to everything, at least when it came to their mother’s assistant.
“Well, I’m flattered, I suppose.”
“As you should. To being Versace’s muse!” Nigel raised his glass of water, and they all cheered.
After finishing dinner, the twins went to the living room and turned the TV on.
“Andrea, would you please help me do the dishes?”
Nigel took this as his cue to leave the two women alone. He winked at Andy before joining the twins in the living room.
Andrea rinsed the dishes before handing them to Miranda, who would put them in the dishwasher.
“So, Andrea… is it true?”
“Is what true?” she gulped.
“What my daughters said… about your video, about the reason why you made it in the first place.”
“Uhm… maybe.”
“I don’t date cowards, Andrea, so you tell me right now whatever it is you’re thinking.” she closed the dishwasher before turning around and facing the brunette.
“Okay, yes. It’s true. I have feelings for you, okay? So sue me!” she raised her voice without realizing due to her nerves.
“Alright, no need to be so dramatic.” the older woman said with a small smile on her face.
“So what now? Am I fired?”
“You silly girl…” she shook her head, “Don’t you think I have forgotten about your peculiar line, back in my room. The day I… told you about the divorce. I realized the meaning behind your question a few minutes later. I need you to ask me again.”
“The… the question I made you back then? That was so stupid… Nigel was right, I…”
“Sshh! I don’t wanna hear about Nigel. Just ask the stupid question.”
“If it’s so stupid, then why…?” she shut up seeing Miranda getting annoyed, “Sorry,” she cleared her throat, “Miranda: look into my eyes and tell me what you see.”
Miranda looked Andy in the eye for a couple of seconds before replying, “I see a smart girl who ironically is silly enough to fall for a woman who could easily destroy her.”
Andy was in awe with the woman in front of her. She has the best quotes for everything. “Wow.”
“That’s all you are going to say? The aspiring journalist who can’t think of…” Miranda got interrupted by Andy’s lips on her. She kissed her back with passion, placing her hands on both sides of her face, Andy’s back against the kitchen counter. It was about time they did that.
“You said you don’t date cowards, so… there’s that.”
Now it was Miranda’s turn to be speechless. She looked at her assistant amused.
“There’s that.” the older woman repeated, smiling at her assistant.
“We should probably go to the living room to uh… not be rude.” Andy said staring at the floor.
“Alright.” Miranda took Andy by the hand, and soon they heard music coming from the living room.
“What are you doing, Bobbseys?”
“Uncle Nigel connected his phone to our hi-fi system and said you’d like this.” Cassidy pointed at a small rotating disco ball lamp she and her sister had got for their pajama parties. They had turned off the lights, and the whole room was full of small, blurry lights. The effect was magical.
“You can thank me later.” Nigel whispered into her friend’s ear.
I set my sights on you
(And no one else will do)
And I, I've got to have my way now, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're havin' fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
“Is this… the song Nigel and you were dancing to that night at Paris?” Miranda asked.
“Yes. And he told me you and he would go clubbing in the 80s and… I really would like to know what that’s like. You know, dancing with you.” she said timidly.
“Then let me show you.” the silver-haired woman took Andy’s hand, and did as the song said:
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
I can’t believe this is happening. Andy was having the time of her life, and she could see Miranda was, too.
I (I, I, I), I got to be your friend now, baby
And I (I, I, I) would like to move in just a little bit closer
(To move in just a little bit closer)
In one move, Andy put Miranda close to her, both smiling like silly teenagers.
I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
“Now spin me, Andy!” Cassidy demanded, and she did.
“And spin me, mom!” Caroline followed her sister’s example.
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
“Uncle Nigel, spin us both!” the man gave them a twist, the three of them laughing, not missing the look both of his friends were giving each other.
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
The five of them kept dancing and laughing. Miranda and Andy got lost in each other’s eyes, kissing and embracing each other the moment the song came to an end:
I want your love
I want your love
Miranda was grateful this happened thanks to Paris Fashion Week: now more than ever, the most important week of her entire year.