Chapter Text
I loved you.
Pedri feels it deep in his chest.
I loved you.
It rattles around his skull for a while, and bounces around, loud, echoing. He wants to cut into his skull and take the sound out.
I loved you.
Is it too late? To apologize and beg Gavi to take him back, run back to him and hold him, kiss him, make him feel like he belongs somewhere. Make him remember he deserves to be loved and cherished.
I loved you.
It feels as though his chest is being ripped apart like his heart wants to break free and collapse on the floor in front of him.
I loved you.
Loved.
He fucked everything up, didn’t he? Because he was insecure and didn’t know how to approach an important conversation, he decided he couldn’t act like an adult and ask what they were. And now he may have lost the man he loved for it.
Was too stupid to realize how deep Gavi’s feelings ran, too quick to brush it off as just friendly, just fuck-buddies. Maybe it’s because he didn’t believe anyone could love him like that, like it was breathing. Effortless.
He isn’t sure why he does this, self-sabotages because he’s too immature to ask how others feel. Just assumes the worst, that they hate him, they don't want him, don’t need him. It’s easier to cut people off and hurt rather than feel the rejection. Easier to wonder ‘what if’?
His throat burns, sickeningly, like something is on fire inside of his chest and it’s rising, burning holes wherever it goes. He wants to throw up and he’s been crying for far too long, for at least three hours. He’s curled in his bed, knees tugged close against his chest. His eyes sting and his head throbs, he just needs to hear Gavi’s voice.
He realizes he needs to be brave, have some balls, and say what he’s been holding in all this time. Every time Gavi calls him a sweet pet name or kisses him somewhere just because he wants to. Every time Gavi fucks him perfectly, whether it's rough and brutal or slow lovemaking. He’s been holding it in every early morning, every late night shower, every home-cooked meal. “I love you.”
“Fuck, Pedro.” The man mumbles through the phone.
He has every right to hate him, scream at him for being an idiotic douchebag, and that he should fuck all the way out of his life. He would deserve that.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes. Sick.
He can practically hear the gears turning in the other boy's head, considering his next move. Like this conversation is a game of chess. What’s the winning outcome?
“It was so fucking shit without you.” He finally says. It's soft and breathy, a confession he’s been aching to make. Words that have been strangled in his chest, tied down and heavy. “I missed you so much. Everything I did was less enjoyable without you. Cooking isn’t fun if you aren’t going to eat it.” There’s a long pause once more, “Climbing’s more fun with you.”
Through a choked laugh, Pedri says, “I haven’t been climbing in so long. I was so scared I would see you and,” He pauses to release a shaky breath, “And I guess I knew it’d be hard to see you. Like, I would never get over you if you were in front of me.”\
“I was starting to think I would never get over you.” He mumbles, laying back and closing his eyes. He misses when his sheets smelled like his favorite boy.
That sentence hits Pedri in his gut. He felt the exact same way, like a piece of him had been stolen and he had to learn to function without it. Like he had been missing a vital organ and he would have to make do. He felt like he was dying. That’s what heartbreak will do to you.
“I’m sorry.”
And for some reason, it makes him smile, makes Gavi feel less alone in his suffering, and makes his chest hurt with want. He wants to comfort him. Wants to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything's going to be okay, he’s going to fix everything because Pedri should never have to lift a finger.
Of course, he’s going to forgive him.
“I know, amor. It’s okay.”
Pedri releases a sob, something he couldn’t contain, no matter how badly he wished he could. He missed that. Missed ‘amor’, ‘mi cielito’, ‘mi corazon’, ‘baby’, ‘sweetheart’, and any other pet name Gavi had ever called him. All the sweet and endearing things that showed him how much the younger cared for him. Made his heart melt in Gavi’s careful hands.
Looking back, Gavi had been so obvious with his love for the elder, had been so transparent. Maybe Pedri was dense for thinking it had never been defined.
“I miss you.” He rocks himself carefully and squeezes his knees. Trying to compress himself into nothing, hold himself together until someone else can manage to do it for him.
“I miss you.” There’s a heavy sigh, “I thought we were dating.”
His lip quivers and he tilts his head toward the ceiling, “You never asked, I thought it was casual to you. Sounds stupid saying it now.”
“It wasn’t casual, I don’t visit people's islands and fuck them every chance I get. I don’t do that with friends, Pepi. I do that with the guy I’m head over heels in love with. I guess I never officially asked but I thought it was obvious how I felt.”
A short bitter laugh escapes his mouth and he silently nods his head, “No, yeah. You’re right, I’m just an idiot.”
“Shut up,” Gavi breaks into a wide smile, one he hasn’t smiled in what feels like forever. “You’re the smartest person I know.”
Pedri laughs, followed by a long silence.
Gavi breaks it, “I’m sorry too. I never even realized that we weren’t official. I should’ve made some big, grand gesture of asking. I’m sorry we never talked about it.”
“You really don’t need to apologize. I could’ve said something and instead, I ran away.”
Hesitantly, “Is it too much if I ask to come over?”
“No. No that’d be perfect.”
…
He doesn’t even knock, waltzes through the unlocked door, and jogs to his boy's room. It’s dark, the bed is a mess, and Pedri is lying in a pool of blankets.
His eyes are rimmed red and he has heavy bags under his eyes, heavier than usual. He looks small in the sea of bedding, fragile. His precious boy looks distraught.
Chocolate brown eyes widen and his brows shoot up when they meet. Gavi scooping him up, pulling him into his chest, and laying on the bed in moments. Pressing the elder into his neck and cradling him in any way he can, kissing the boy's hair.
“Fuck, missed you. Missed the way you smell. Missed your bed.” He’s mumbling between kisses.
Pedri smiles, “I missed you. Missed you so much. Missed this.”
They lay in their ocean of blankets, cuddled close and pressing kisses to any exposed skin they could get. “I love you, Pedro.”
He feels nauseous for a different reason now, maybe he’s excited, or maybe confronting his feelings scares him. Maybe both. “I love you, Pablo.”
The Sevillian snorts, his head thrown back quickly, “Weird when you say it. Good weird, though.” A kiss to his boy's temple, a kiss on his collarbone. “Will you be my boyfriend, Pedro Gonzalez Lopez?”
He giggles, “You don’t need to be that formal. But yes, I would love to be your boyfriend.” Another kiss. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, amor.” He mumbles, pulls him impossibly closer. It will never be close enough. “I’m so glad I can call you mine.”
…
They don’t fuck that night.
Gavi would have loved to, of course, but it didn’t feel right. Felt like they needed time to soak each other in and truly appreciate what they meant to each other. To finally heal from the torment they put themselves through.
They do, however, fuck the next morning.
Pedri wakes up first, he has the day off, but he can’t help it and wakes up early.
The sun is peaking through the window, barely, still rising in the sky. Gavi is snoring loudly next to him, and somehow the sound doesn’t disturb the look of peace on his pretty face.
Pedri pressed close into his chest, cocooning him and keeping him safe and warm.
When Gavi wakes up nearly an hour later, he’s on top of the Canarian immediately. Pressing him into the mattress and shoving his tongue into the man's mouth.
“Is it too soon to fuck, do you think?” He mumbles between kisses. He’s biting and licking Pedri’s lips, shoving his tongue inside of his mouth and practically fucking him with it.
Pedri is hard almost instantly, dick throbbing as he’s showered with affection. Then Gavi grinds their clothed erections against each other, moaning into his mouth as he does. “Fuck, baby.”
It makes his head spin, how consuming Gavi’s love and desire can be. How he was so wanted by another person. How Gavi missed having him.
“No, no we should fuck.” Is gasped out as his hands find purchase on the other’s back. The younger has found a new interest in his neck, is biting and sucking at it wherever he can reach.
He licks a long stripe from his collarbone to right under his ear before whispering, “Can I fuck you?”
Pedri looks like a slut as he tilts his head back and moans, “Please Gav.”
Pablo is an incredibly attentive lover, always touching him and caring for him. Makes sure he comes first and knows how hot he is when he does it. His hands are roaming his body, up and down the sides and squeezing at any baby fat he can grab. “Missed you, missed being inside of you.”
They strip down frantically like they’re teenagers again. Like it’s the first time.
Gavi opens him up slowly, finds the patience within himself to make him crumble to pieces with just his fingers. He likes watching the other fall apart over this, likes knowing that he can do that with just one finger.
Pedri’s mouth is open and his eyes are wet when he finally gets his third finger. He feels like he’s been doing this for hours, feels raw and sensitive but still hasn’t been given the permission to come. He’s aching for it.
“You look so good like this, mi vida. You look so perfect with me inside of you. Do you want me to put it in?”
He nods his head quickly, scared his voice will betray him.
“Beg me for it.” He groans out, “Beg for my dick, show me how much you want it.”
Pedri hiccups, his breath catching as he gasps for air, the digits inside of him speeding up oh so slightly. Sometimes, he’ll make Gavi work for it, really push him around until he breaks and begs. He doesn’t have the time for that today, however. It had been a month since he felt the other man and he didn’t want to wait any longer.
“Please. Please, Pablo, I need it. I’ve missed your dick so much, missed having you fill me up. Please, please fuck me. I’ll do anything, just please give it to me.” He lays it on thick, hopes it’s enough, hopes that his boyfriend doesn’t feel like torturing him.
He knows he’s won when Gavi hisses out a quiet fuck and withdraws his fingers. He’s lubing up his cock and moving to push inside of him, lines himself up and inches forward. He sinks in slowly, wants to watch every inch on Pedri’s face. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. Gonna fuck you all day long. Fuck you on every surface so you always know who you belong to. Do you want that? Want me to ruin your pretty little pussy?”
Too afraid to speak, he nods his head again, closes his eyes as he focuses on the stretch. It’s exactly what he needed, to be torn apart and fucked open.
Gavi isn’t gentle, fucks him rough, pace brutal, and relentless. “Take it, take my dick.” He mumbles as he grips the man’s hips, slams against him, and looks at his pretty face.
Gavi loved missionary, loved any position he could get Pedri in really. Was happy with anything as long as he could feel his hole clench around him. But there was something about missionary that felt so personal, so intimate, even when he was pounding into him.
“Tell me how much you love my cock, wanna hear you say it.” He growls, watches how Pedri twitches and moans, high and pretty like a slut.
“Love it, Gav. Love your cock. You know-” A particularly hard thrust takes the air out of his lungs and he gasps, “Need it. Need it.” He repeats it like a mantra, like he needs the universe to hear him.
It makes Gavi’s head spin. And he hasn’t fucked anyone in a month, Pedri’s so fucking tight, and he looks like a wet dream. Better than he ever imagined.
He’s getting close embarrassingly fast. Reaching down, he begins to tug at Pedri’s cock, “Wanna come baby?”
“Yes.” He mumbles, back arching, nails digging into the muscles of Gavi’s back.
“Say it.” He leans forward slightly and perfectly lines his thrusts with the jerking of his hand.
A sob rips from his throat as the tears finally spill, “Please Gavi, can I come? I want to come, please.”
The pleased look on the man’s face almost sends him over, but he patients waits until Pablo whispers in his ear, voice low and gruff, “Good girl, come for me, make a mess.”
It doesn’t take long for Gavi to follow, coming at the sight of his boyfriend releasing all over his stomach and chest. He looks divine.
He collapses, smushes the liquid between them, but he can’t seem to find any room to care. Content and enjoying the feeling of his Pedri beneath him. “You were so good baby, so good for me.” He mumbles, eyes closing.
“Don’t fall asleep yet, you promised me all day.”
“I’ll promise you forever.”
…
The Olympics are rapidly approaching and Pedri can practically feel the anxiety buzzing off of his fiance .
They’ve been together for two and a half years now, his fiance popped the question eight months prior to the competition.
He had done it near a waterfall in Tenerife, had taken him to his island to do it. Knew how special it was to him, how it was a part of who he was.
It was early in the morning, the sun just barely peaking over the horizon, everything was quiet and still aside from the sound of water. They had been making out calmly in the solitude before Gavi had looked at him with his precious puppy dog eyes.
“I love you. You’re the man of my dreams and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.” He whispers against the elder's lips, “I want to get old and wrinkly and bitter with you. I want you to come home from work and tell me about your day and I want to cook you homemade meals. I want to take you around the world and show you off at my competitions. I want you to be mine.”
Pedri had smiled, soft and warm like he always does, “Pablo-”
“Shh, please don’t interrupt. I’ve been working on my speech and you’ll ruin it.” He smirks, “I have never felt this way about anyone, have never felt like someone has known me completely. So, will you marry me, Pedro Gonzalez Lopez?”
He doesn’t get down on one knee, doesn’t do some big grand gesture. And it’s perfect. It’s whispered against his lips in the place he calls home.
“Fuck.” He whispers back, eyes starting to water, “Yeah, yes. Yes of course I want to marry you.”
After a long and thorough kiss, “Just to be clear, I want you to be my husband. No miscommunications. This is not casual to me.” Gavi giggles, kisses the blush on Pedri’s nose.
“Please, let it go, please I am begging.”
“Never.”
Now he’s sitting in their shared apartment, watching his fiance pace the room searching for his chalk bag. He’s mumbling and wiping at his face anxiously.
He won gold that year.
He also gets an Olympic gold medal. But marrying Pedri was probably a bigger accomplishment.