Chapter Text
It was weird, being around Leia. He always knew exactly how she felt without her speaking.
This one could probably best be labelled as “boiling lethal rage.”
Safe into hyperspace, Han continued to lean over the controls, trying to look like he was still concentrated on the logistics of their escape.
“I know you’re faking it,” she snapped. “And wipe the blood off your face.”
Oh. He held a tissue up to his cheek, which stung. He pulled it away to realize it was bleeding pretty significantly.
He turned to her in his chair, resigned. It was comical how short she was, really, though that thought also came with the caveat that when she was like this, he was absolutely terrified of her.
“What happened with the guy?” Han asked.
“Our liaison,” Leia said, her voice clipping over each syllable, “was dead when I arrived.”
Han winced.
“And I was engaged in enemy fire.”
Han winced again. He looked at her. She looked fine, but she did that sometimes…
“You alright?”
“I’m fine.” She said. “But I would like to know what, exactly, you know about how any of this transpired.”
Han sighed, nodding. He looked her over again. No immediate signs of any wounds. If she were just stubbornly refusing assistance, well, that was her fault at this point.
“You might want to sit down,” he said. She fixed him with a sharp look. “It’s… it’s gonna be a long flight to our rendezvous.”
Leia sighed, perching herself on the armrest of the assistant’s chair. It left her almost the same height as before, which was pointedly above his own head.
“You know I owe the hutts,” he said. He looked away from her, but could feel the snide remark bubbling. Of course she knew that. It had defined her entire first impression of him. “Well, since I haven’t paid up, I’ve got a bounty now.”
Leia cocked her head. This, at least, was new information. He fingered a control out of restlessness.
“When the bounty hunter discovered you were with me, she decided you were worth more.” He looked up at her. She looked unsurprised. “Like, a lot more.”
Still nothing.
Damn, she was really made of titanisteel under it all. But of course she would have such a high bounty. He’d been naive to not realize it.
“Who was she?” Leia asked.
“Her name’s Caylinda,” Han said. “We used to run into each other on Tatooine a lot. Worked for the same hutt. That sort of thing.”
“And you were involved with her,” Leia said.
It felt disgusting the way she said it.
“She’s not an actual prostitute,” Han said. “Or, well, I guess she became one while tracking me, but that wasn’t her thing.”
“I don’t care if she was a sex worker,” Leia said. “I care that she decided to turn you over for money.”
It stung a little bit, to hear her speak so condescendingly of his former life. But it was the same sort of activity he wasn't proud, and wanted to get away from for good.
“You never held back that you thought I was scum, darling,” Han said. He leaned back in his chair. “That’s standard practice when you work for the hutts.”
That what Caylinda had done was no more than he expected was true. But a part of him, the new part of him, was disappointed in her.
Leia huffed out a sigh. That new side spoke up again, needing her to understand that he wasn’t like that anymore.
“She tried to get me to help her,” he said. His voice was low, but she snapped toward him. He made eye contact with her, a softness in between them. He didn’t need to say it, but he did anyway. “I wouldn’t do that.”
Leia nodded and walked away, her hand trailing over his chair as she left.
A bad mission meant a long way back to base.
Their first rendezvous had meant ditching the purple ship and catching a transport. They had changed from it to a y-wing which docked on an empty planet, and changed out for a small freighter Han was flying toward a hub from his old days. Leia wished he weren’t; she’d had enough of his old companions for a week.
He felt guilty, she could tell that much. But there was something else in the way he kept turning toward her. He’d grunt when he realized he’d been caught. She just went back to the comm controls, working on getting an encryption out to Milla to hit the self-destruct on the data pads they had left behind.
That, at least, was her own fault.
Finally, after she had sent it and the little transport was well on its way to Takodana, Leia decided she needed to make sure she had the story straight.
“So,” she asked. “You shot her?”
“Yeah.”
"Did you… did she… put up more of a fight?”
Han turned to her. He had on that serious look, the one where he looked so much older than her, almost to the point of having wrinkles. He looked shrewd. He looked like he thought she was naive.
“She was an active threat with a lot of information,” he said. “I shoot threats, Princess.”
She nodded, before he could go on with his lecture. She hated when he acted like she was a child. But still, it came tumbling out of her, and she couldn’t stop it even as she knew he would find the question ridiculous.
“Did you love her?”
To her surprise, the hard look fell away. He only looked weary. The soft look in his eyes threatened to strangle her.
“It wasn’t like that,” he said. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t have. It wasn’t like that at all.”
Leia nodded. She tried to pretend she understood, like she was worldly enough to know people slept with each other and then could turn around and kill each other without a second thought. It wasn’t that she was too naive to comprehend casual sex. It was only, this was beyond that. She was sure of that much.
“Excuse me,” she said, and went back to the refresher.
It shouldn’t bother her, that Han had killed the woman. Leia pictured her, with her red hair and strappy bathing costume. She had been pretty, with the mask off, and had the type of adult body men preferred to her childish one. She had tried to kill them both. She knew how to track Han, and through Han, the entire alliance.
But the fact Han had so coldly killed her went through Leia like ice.
She took a deep breath and looked at herself in the mirror. It was good the woman was dead. The fact Han had been able to kill her meant his past wouldn’t infiltrate his work. That was beneficial to the Alliance.
Han cornered her on her way back from the refresher.
She hated when he did that.
“Why did you drop your blaster?”
He had his finger out, right above her breastbone. She broke eye contact with him, her mouth falling open at the accusation.
“It was shot out of my hand,” she said.
He poked her. His audacity was unbelievable.
“That’s a lie, and I know it.”
She knocked his hand away. She looked back into his eyes, but wished she hadn’t.
“You’re suddenly able to know what’s happening when you’re under water now?” She asked.
“You don’t risk yourself for me,” Han said. “I don’t care how you feel about me, you don’t do that.”
She gawked.
“How I feel about you?” She asked. Her voice was getting shrill. She didn’t care.
“Right,” Han said. He nodded. This was absurd. She told him so.
“It was absurd for you to drop your blaster,” he said. “Gods, Leia, she could have shot you back there.”
“I’m not listening to this,” Leia said. She brushed her way past him, but there was no getting away from him on the little freighter.
She wanted to be at home, done with this mission. But there was no home. There wasn’t even their old base. Nothing familiar to return to, just another new setup after the last. But at least when they reached base, she’d be with Luke. He would understand.
“Don’t put yourself in danger for me,” Han said behind her.
“You don’t tell me what to do!” Leia yelled. Frustrated, she ran back to the refresher, and shut herself in there for the rest of the flight.
When it was time to land, she made sure there was no sign she had been crying.
Han sat with his legs on the table as the little creature made sure he was well-fed.
“I’m telling you, Maz,” he said. “I’ve been living the life. Fancy meals every day. I even swam in water.”
“Your eyes are distressed,” Maz said. “Tell me.”
Han sighed. He nodded in the direction of where Leia sat at a table, covered up with a headscarf and goggles. She looked like a regular dust pilot.
“She is wildly alive,” Maz said. “She’s good for you.”
“She almost got taken by a bounty hunter ‘cause of me,” Han said. “Caylinda. The red head.”
“Mixing with hutts never profits,” Maz said. “I have told you this, child.”
Han squirmed.
“When’re you gonna stop calling me a child, huh?” He asked.
“When you live an eighth as long as Maz,” she said, her big smile showing. “But maybe when you stop running from problems and face them instead.”
“I'm not running,” Han said. “I’m helping people. I’m doing something right for once.”
“Yes, you are,” Maz said. “But until you can cut off your past, are you really helping?”
Han sighed, and Maz patted his hand.
“It will be hard, to let go of what is new and good, to address the old and bad. But you will test your strength in returning.”
Han laughed.
“How many pilots with a bounty have returned back here to you, Maz?” He asked.
“Not enough,” she said. Her voice was dark. “But you, Han Solo, you must.”
Hoth was cold.
A heavy jumpsuit waited for Leia when she returned. She smiled to see that it had been bleached for her. She braided her hair up in a utilitarian wrap. It was good to be back to being useful.
The warmth of the snowsuit was only momentary, though. As the day wore on, so did the cold, settling itself deep into her.
Maybe that was a good thing.
She didn’t talk to Captain Solo after they landed. Or, she corrected yourself, she hadn't had any reason to. She saw him two or three times, while being shown the garage and while taking her meals in the new mess. But she was uneasy when she realized he wasn’t also summoned to report on the mission.
She didn’t want him in trouble, not really. Even though the bounty hunter had come for him, she felt equally responsible for not realizing the trouble they were in.
The briefing room was no warmer than anywhere else on this base. It seemed they were on the very limits of what humans could physically handle. This, she thought, was the length they had to go to evade the empire.
She looked over at General Riekkan. He looked exasperated, but only lightly. He gave her a kind smile. He liked Han, Leia knew. If Mon Mothma, who hated mixing the rebellion with lesser elements, was pulling rank to punish the pilot, he would have been angrier.
“So, Princess Leia,” Mon Mothma said. “Would you care to enlighten us how you and your companion blew our newly developed code system, compromised two highly secretive data pads, engaged in a firefight with imperial officers and lost our liaison and our connection to the Trianatt System?”
The general winked at her.
“Well, ma’am,” Leia said. She stood up straighter. “Sometimes, missions go awry.”