Chapter Text
“He’s not coming back.” Shawn’s head is pressed against Topanga’s window as he hugs a decorative pillow to his chest. The realization hits him over and over again. It’s been over a month and his dad just refuses to come back even though it’s clear his mom doesn’t want to be found. He’d rather chase a ghost than be here with his own son who actually needs him.
Thankfully though, he’s not stuck at Cory’s anymore, or the motel. Living with Turner has felt stable. He has a feeling his current guardian might relate to him more than he could ever know. Which…is good…but sometimes he feels a little too seen.
Topanga looks over from her bed where she’s been reading. He’s coming over more often, and they usually sit in a comfortable silence, so she’s caught off guard when he suddenly breaks it. “He’ll come back eventually,” she responds softly. Setting her book down, Topanga comes over and sits next to him at her window.
“So what if he does?” Shawn snaps. “Who cares if he comes back? Or if she does? They never should have left in the first place!”
“I know,” Topanga says softly, letting his anger flow past her. “When he comes back, or if both of them do…I’m not saying you have to forgive them, Shawn. You have every right to be angry forever if you need to be. Just because they’re your parents, doesn’t mean you owe them anything at all. They owe you.”
All of the anger he had built up quickly deflates at her words. Of course she wasn’t saying he had to forgive. But he’d spent so much time with Cory saying the same thing, that they’d come back, and then saying they’d be a happy family again in no time. Even though they’d never been a happy family in the first place. He didn’t know how to explain it to him. Topanga doesn’t need an explanation though. Despite her happy family and white picket fence life…she somehow understands him so well.
It’s not really much of a mystery though, if he asked how she knows him so well, she’d tell him it’s because she just pays attention. Simple as that.
“You really are too good you know.” Shawn picks at the pillow and tries not to think about just how true that is. She could be out with her friends right now, or on a date with someone who could afford to give her the world, or doing a million other fun things. But she’s here with him while he mopes around. Not yelling at him for being a total asshole when she’s just trying to help.
“Duh,” Topanga laughs and tosses a small cloud shaped pillow at him. “You’re very lucky to have me, don’t you forget it.” To her it’s just teasing, to him it’s a fact and he won’t ever forget just how lucky he is.
“Will you miss me this summer?” He asks curiously, trying to sound like he doesn’t care at all what the answer might be.
“Of course I will, might even miss you so much that I’ll bring you back a present.” She offers him a glowing smile before plucking the pillow out of his arms and moving herself into his space. “This summer is totally gonna suck without you.” As excited as she is for vacation with her family, she hates that she’ll have to leave him behind, especially with everything going on right now. When she tried to convince her parents to bring him along though, they looked at her like she had five heads. Not that she told Shawn any of that.
“I’ll mis you too.” He admits, wrapping his arms comfortably around her. “Summer with Turner might be cool though. He said we’d take a day trip out on the bike sometime.”
“So you’ll be some rough biker guy by the time I come back?” She teases.
“Oh yeah, you won’t even recognize me and all my biker ways,” Shawn laughs.
“Mhmm, you’re such a bad boy.” Topanga rolls her eyes and nudges him playfully with her elbow. Bad boy is easily how he’s defined by everyone else. Even Cory. But all Topanga sees is Shawn. Her best friend. The boy who feels like he’s lived in her heart as long as it’s been beating.
———
All Cory does is talk about Topanga all summer. Nonstop waxing poetic about his feelings for her. How much he loves her, wants to be with her, how they’re soulmates. Shawn listens and tries not to feel too guilty about his own feelings about Topanga. Especially now when he’s basically homeless. Sure, he’s living with Turner, and it’s great. But his own parents couldn’t love him enough to stay…or at least leave behind a home for him. So there’s no way Topanga would want him.
Besides, he finally accepts over the summer that she deserved better. She deserves to be with someone who can actually take her out on dates. Someone who isn’t a total wreck. So he encouraged his friend to finally make a move. Without her there it’s easier to convince himself that he can just be her friend forever and watch her fall in love with Cory.
Then he sees her in the hallway before class. Smiling so damn brightly that his resolve crumbles. At least until Cory is yapping again about her.
“C’mon man, you’ve known her forever, just put us all out of our misery and ask her out already.”
Cory nods and then promptly chickens out, running off down the hall to their next class right as Topanga starts to approach them. She gives him an odd look before turning back to Shawn and pulling him in for a hug. “I missed you so much.” And just like that he melts into her, lifting her up and giving her a quick spin just to hear her giggle before putting her down.
“I missed you, too. No more summer vacations for you.”
Topanga punches his shoulder playfully. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.”
Absence only made his heart foolish enough to believe he could just get over her and be happy for Cory. What an idiot he was.
“You goin’ to that movie thing on Friday?” He knows he shouldn’t ask. It would be guy code or whatever. Maybe Cory would never forgive him. There’s a million reasons he shouldn’t. They decided a long time ago that they wouldn’t ever cross this line. Part of him wonders if she’ll think he means as friends. That would be for the best…except he sees it in her eyes. There’s an excitement there, one he’s seen with so many other girls when he’s asked them out, but with her it makes him so nervous he might throw up.
“Wasn’t planning to…unless your asking?” Butterflies ram against her stomach and flutter all the way to her heart. Was this it? Did he want to take a real step forward even if it meant hurting Cory’s feelings? It would be a surprise, not an unwanted one though.
“Yeah, I’m askin’.” But he shouldn’t be. He keeps trying to tell himself he shouldn’t be but she keeps looking at him in a way that’s so addicting he’s forgotten how to make good choices.
“Then I guess I am going.” Her smile could power the whole damn city, and he doesn’t understand how that could possibly be all for him.
-
“Shawn asked you out?” Trini corners Topanga in the lunchroom as soon as she has the chance.
All Topanga can do is nod and wonder how news got out so fast.
“Woah,” Trini sits down next to her in clear shock. “Are you happy ‘bout it?”
“I think so…” Truthfully Topanga doesn’t know how she feels yet. In the moment, she was pure excitement and butterflies. Now that it’s sunk in, she’s nervous. It’ll hurt Cory, and she has some unresolved feelings there, a crush that never quit left. Not that she wants to be with him over Shawn, but she definitely doesn’t want to hurt him. And then the Shawn of it all. What happens if he breaks her heart? His track record isn’t necessarily the best when it comes, not only to her, but half their class as well. He’s her best friend, she needs him. If they went further into their relationship…Topanga doesn’t know if she could bounce back from a heartbreak like that. Let alone still have him as a friend.
It’s clear her friend is skeptical of her answer. “I mean you said yes though, so you must’ve wanted to, right?”
“Of course I did.” Because in the moment she hadn’t had enough time to overthink it all.
“Well then you should be excited! He’s totally cute and probably gonna be a fun date. Most girls say so at least. Until he dumps them anyway. But a good time until then!”
Topanga winces. Trini is the sweetest, and she doesn’t know when to stop talking. Or how exactly to read a room. Hearing one of her fears verbalized doesn’t really help much with the nerves.
“Oh hey, I forgot to tell you, Cory asked me to meet him at Chubby’s later. That okay with you?” Trini asks, curls bobbing playfully as her head tilts curiously to the side.
“Yeah of course, why wouldn’t it be?” An odd little thing does twist in her stomach. That echo of a crush leaving her with a hint of unwarranted jealousy. It’s still, especially since she’s made her choice.
“Dunno. You three all of some weird thing goin’ on. Just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be upset or nothin’.”
-
“Do you actually like him?” Cory demands as he and Topanga are walking home after school. She was going to study with him tonight and figured it would be a good time to talk. Instead he decides to have the conversation mid walk and less than pleasantly.
“Do you actually like Trini?” Topanga counters, well aware that he’s asked her out to the movie on Friday.
He sputters, surprised even if he should be. “That’s not the point. I just- I don’t get it Topanga. Why are you going out with him?”
“He’s your best friend, Cory. Why are you talking like it’s crazy someone could like him?”
“Not just someone. You. It’s crazy that you could like him because-” Because she’s supposed to like him, not Shawn. He’s her soulmate and he really just thought it was inevitable. Part of him didn’t even really think he’d have to ask her out or anything. They were supposed to just happen. “I just didn’t know you liked him is all.”
“And I didn’t know you liked Trini, I guess we’re both full of surprises.” Without looking back, she walks off ahead of him and past his house. He can study on his own if he’s gonna be like that. When he calls out she just walks a little faster. He doesn’t bother following past his house.
-
Friday night comes and Shawn is officially terrified. After the fight he and Cory had, it really dawned on him that he could lose one of his best friends. And then he realized that if he an Topanga don’t work out…he’ll lose another best friend. That’s when he really spiraled. Because what were that chances they actually work out? He doesn’t have anything to offer her. On top of that he’s let her down about a million times before. How could he have ever thought this was a good idea?
When he gets to her house it feels like someone else knocks at the door while he’s running away. The normal calm he feels when she appears doesn’t come this time. It’s just more panic. The idea of ruining things and losing her forever. “Is this a bad idea?” Shawn blurts out as she closes the door behind her.
At first she’s incredibly hurt. But it’s mixed so thoroughly with relief that she doesn’t know how to respond at first. Hesitantly, she says “maybe.” Because it might be. Because she can’t live without him, and they won’t survive him breaking her heart. “I care about you. And I don’t wanna ruin our friendship…”
“I don’t either. I really don’t and I’m so scared we will.” It gives him some relief that she seems to feel the same way.
As they start walking to the bus stop she takes his hand and give him a soft smile. “Promise me you’ll always be my best friend, okay?”
“Always, Topanga, always.”
“Good, then lets go watch this stupid movie.”
-
By the end of the night her and Cory are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. When Shawn made it all out to be an elaborate ruse to get them together, she went with it. It was easier this way, simpler. If Cory broke her heart…well she could get over that. Besides, maybe there was a reason everyone thought they should be together. Maybe it was fate. Or something else. All she knew was that it seemed easier. This way no one was getting hurt. Right?