Chapter Text
Song for chapter: Hemorrhage- Fuel
The next two weeks went by with still no response from either Dabi or Tomura; it was now the last week of August. To say you were absolutely miserable was an understatement.
After sending countless messages filled with worry and panic, the messages eventually quit being delivered, all coming back with an “Undeliverable” error. It was impossible to focus on work, the only thing on your mind was what was going on, if they were okay or worse, they were dead. Of course, the nature of their work was dangerous, you knew that, but you never thought anything like this would happen. You kept trying to convince yourself that nothing HAS happened, but the possibility that they just both happen to be ignoring you is slim to none.
After narrowly escaping whatever the hell Danny was about to do to you in his car, you were extremely withdrawn at work. Not participating in morning huddles or meetings, taking your lunches in your car or leaving the office campus all together. Your coworkers noticed and Ian especially took notice of you becoming but a shell of yourself. The time you have spent sitting on the couch, staring out of the sliding glass door, just hoping that any second either one of them would walk through it has become unnerving, according to your brother.
You felt like you were going insane, just going to work and coming home, to remain cooped up inside during all your free time. And when you did go out, on a rare, nice day or when you needed groceries, the feeling of being watched never ceased. Like today for example, Ian drug you out of the house for a walk, the weather was mild and perfect for a stroll…or so Ian said.
Walking along, the silence between the two of you was tense, Ian was not happy with the change in your demeanor. He hated seeing his baby sister so twisted up inside from a man, a fucking villain no less. Why you even put so much weight in whether or not he was texting you back or not was beyond him, maybe it was because his heart was so hardened, but Ian did not let the actions of women have such control over him. He had to remember you were so innocent to a fault, sheltered, is the word he would like to use. You were trusting and always saw the best in people, even when they didn’t particularly deserve it. Ian thought Shigaraki may have actually been a good guy, it seemed like you were genuinely happy and content with him. When he met him those times, when he looked into those red eyes, he could see that he carried a lot of emotion with him, and watching the way he interacted with you gave him a sense that he was gentle with you.
Ian was a very good judge of character by just watching someone for only a bit, he could typically tell what kind of person you were based simply off the way you carried yourself. The tense and guarded way Shigaraki moved was enough to tell him that he had been through more in life than most people can even fathom, that though, was not hard to tell considering he was a villain after all. It really made him angry- made him angry that someone who has known such pain and suffering beyond belief could inflict it upon someone who cares for him.
You told Ian to mind his own business, to just let you wallow in self-pity and longing, but the way he hated listening to you cry in the shower or in bed when you thought he wasn’t home or couldn’t hear, forced him to confront you about your wellbeing head on.
That brought you to the present moment, the two of you walking through some park on the other side of town. Ian said you needed to “get away” from spots that reminded you of he who shall not be named, so he drove you to the far end of town to some large park known for its scenic walking trails. You thought being so far away you’d be able to shake the feeling of eyes on your back, but it felt even worse here among the trees.
“How many miles is this trail?” you asked, your tennis shoes already wearing a sore spot in the back of your ankle.
“It is only a four-mile walk, a rather tame one that is suited to your…aptitude” Ian said while side eyeing you.
“Is that your way of saying I’m out of shape or something?”
“I would never say such a thing, please do not try to twist my words.” He huffed as you struggled to keep up with his long legs. You wondered how your brother even had time to stay in shape with all the hours he worked.
As the two of you walked along in silence yet again, you trained your eyes down at the ground to prevent yourself from tripping over anything because your luck, your feet would find the only tree root sticking out of the ground. Ahead of you slightly was something red, squinting at it, you stopped when you got close enough to see it was a feather.
“Ian, look.” Pointing down at it, he stopped and turned his head to see what you were looking at.
“It’s a bird feather.” Ian eyed you curiously before turning his head and continuing to walk, assuming you would just follow along and catch up. Instead, when he turned his head when he didn’t hear your footsteps, he found you twirling the feather in your fingers.
You don’t think you’d ever seen such a pretty shade of red before, you admired the color and size of the feather as you ran your finger along the tufts gently. You’d like to see the wings that dropped this.
“Oh dear, put that down. You could get some form of avian flu from that.” His face scrunched up and you placed the feather back on the ground, catching up to Ian ahead of you.
____ _ _ _ _ _ _
SEPTEMBER
It has been weeks now since you have heard or seen Tomura. The pain of it was numb now, as was your entire body. You had taken some time off work, per Ian’s insistence. He refused to leave your house and extended his stay in order to keep an eye on you, something about being worried you might “do something”, you didn’t have to be a genius to figure what he meant by that.
Honestly, having him around did make it better, the house not being empty was the only thing preventing the overwhelming sense of dread and loneliness from crawling out of your chest and consuming you whole. So far, the only thing you have done on your sabbatical from work is sitting in the house, Ian says you need to get out, but you don’t even know where you would go if you did. A walk? When you went for walks all you did was look for Tomura’s face in every man that passed you by, making for a very exhausting walk.
Jenny of course, reached out to you and tried dragging you out of the house a few times. You had to give her credit, she never did go running in the other direction when things got tough, she aways made an effort to make you feel not forgotten.
The sound of feet padding into the living room pulled you from your hazy thoughts as your eyes looked ahead through the glass of the slider door,
“I’m going out for a few hours; I suggest you do something with yourself in that time. I do not want to come home to you sitting in that same spot in those same clothes that I am almost certain you have been wearing for the past three days.” Ian’s voice was soft, but the tone was firm, you knew he meant what he said, and he only wanted to see you get better. It was a gentle yet stark reminder that your suffering was not only your own.
“I promise, I will find something to do…” You trailed off, eyes flitting to his face briefly, “I actually plan to take a walk, there’s somewhere I want to go” You offered Ian a smile, albeit weak, but a smile, nonetheless.
He stared at you for a moment, eyes searching your face, for what you didn’t know. Eventually, he patted your head, his hand smoothing your hair back before he turned and left the house. Gravel under his tires could be heard as he pulled out of the driveway.
Peeling yourself off the couch alone drained you, but you pushed on, determined to go out. Showering was what took the most effort, a task you normally derived so much pleasure and relaxation from now filled you with dread and stole your energy. But you washed your hair and scrubbed your body anyways. Your eyes welled with tears as you watched the suds rinse down the drain, trying to convince your mind that it was just from soap in your eyes, but you knew the truth, you let hot tears stream down your face because you couldn’t see any end in sight for this empty feeling you felt. You didn’t try to blink the tears away anymore, or sob. You just let the tears flow feely over the red rim of your eyes. Everything felt so hard as you dragged your body through the motions of getting ready. It felt like you were watching yourself do the day to day trivial tasks, trapped inside your own mind and watching through the windows that were your eyes.
____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
The weather had begun to turn, the mornings were brisk with a wet layer of dew coating the lawn, the afternoons were just right, warm enough for a t shirt but cool enough for jeans. For you though, you had begun to lose weight from your total lack of interest in eating, no matter what delicious meal Ian cooked. The cold could seep into your bones more easily now, and prolonged times outside would leave you with a chill that would last the rest of the day if you weren’t careful. So, you pulled a sweater and jeans on with thick socks on your feet before slipping on your shoes.
The sky was overcast and bleak, reflecting how you felt inside. The drab weather doing nothing to aid in your mood. You walked along alone, you really tried to avoid walking alone these days unless in broad daylight, and you never brought your purse with you anymore, just your phone tucked into your pocket.
Your legs and feet carried you like they had a mind of their own, you took every turn and cross street like you were on auto pilot, letting your body traverse the familiar streets. Before you knew it, you came to stand in front of the old, run-down apartment building.
Walking up the stairwell sent a rush of memories flooding into your mind, and you had to stop halfway up because you were so overwhelmed with emotion. Trudging down the grimy hall, the dim lighting overhead was the only thing leading you to their door. You come to stand in front of it, you pause there for a moment, holding your breath to listen for any movement from behind the door. Nothing. You don’t even bother knocking, because something in your gut twists, and it tells you there’s no one home no matter how desperately you hoped there was. Part of you thought it would be better if they had just been ignoring you, ghosted you, because that would be the better explanation than the litany of others your over worked mind had come up with late at night while you lie awake with a racing heart.
You stared at the door like it would give you all the answers and that’s when you noticed it, it was small but familiar. The soft, downy looking red feather was laying right at the crack of the door, like it got caught in the breeze of the door shutting. You bent down to pick it up, feeling the soft fibers between your fingers before slipping in into your back pocket.
With bated breath, you stood on your tip toes, your fingers slid against the top of the door frame, feeling for a spare key. You let out a sigh of relief when your fingers met cold metal. You slipped the key in the lock but hesitated, you weren’t sure you could handle whatever you would see in here, but you had to know, you had to go in.
So, you twisted the key in the lock and pushed the door open. A rush of stale air hit your face upon pushing the door open and your feet felt heavy as you stepped across the threshold and into their apartment. Letting your eyes scan the kitchen and living room proved that the place had been sitting untouched. You flipped on a couple switches, sallow lighting bathed the small apartment and enhanced the fine layer of dust that covered every surface, they had not been here for as long as you hadn’t heard from them it seemed.
You gathered the courage to walk further into the apartment, down the hall to Dabi’s room first, you weren’t ready to go into Tomura’s yet. His room was dark and still smelt faintly of smoke, it brought you a sliver of comfort to be surrounded in the familiar scent.
The sense of comfort didn’t last long because when your eyes adjusted to the dark of the room and you were able to take in the state of it, you could see his belongings were sparse and what he did have was almost all black, in typical Dabi fashion. But what stood out as the fact it looked like he had taken nothing with him. Dabi didn’t strike you as the sentimental type, so if they planned to leave it wouldn’t be super shocking to you that he wouldn’t have taken much.
Taking a deep breath, you stepped out of his room and down the hall, where you stood in front of Tomura’s door. With a shaky hand you twisted the knob to his door. You hoped so badly that this was all just a misunderstanding and that when you stepped into the room, you’d see him at his desk, deep in some game and he had just lost track of the time, or maybe he would be in bed catching up on sleep. But you knew the truth. The room was empty, like you knew it would be. Only small slivers of light beamed in through the curtains, the room was frozen in time. Clothes were strewn around on the floor and bed, which was unmade, and his desk was as messy as you remember it. Walking in further, you began to cry again. Sniffling, you trace your fingers against the edge of his bed before sitting down on it.
The tears fell faster now, you were surprised you even had any left to cry after how much you’ve been doing this lately. You collapsed back into his bed, pulling the blankets up into the chest and burying your face into his pillow, deeply inhaling the scent of him. It was faint but it was there, and it was enough for you to pretend, for a moment that he was still with you.
Not even caring about the thin walls, your sobbing turned into wailing that made your lungs burn as your chest shuttered with every labored breath, your diaphragm spasming due to the crying. Your body felt heavy and tired, like the weight of everything pressing down on you has finally caught up. The pain was all consuming, the emptiness felt like your chest had been ripped open and your heart had spilled out, just a large gaping wound that your life force was leaking out of.
When you woke up, the room was black and the air was still with silence, you must have cried yourself to sleep. You unclenched your hands that were twisted up into his blankets, your legs entwined as well, and his pillow was tucked up under your head and neck.
Squinting your eyes against the brightness of your cell phones screen, you looked at the time. It was almost 5pm, about time for dinner.
The sky was dark grey and thick rain clouds hung heavy above you as you walked home. The visit to the apartment was supposed to bring you some type of closure or answer the burning questions in your mind but it did little to settle your heart and instead filled you with a deep sense of unease.
When you finally stepped in the house, it was dark. Shutting the door behind you and shuffling your shoes off the lamp in the living room clicked on and Ian was standing by the couch.
“My god- where have you been? I come home and- and you’re not here and you’re gone for hours! Do you even know how worried I was?” Ian’s face was twisted up in worry as he rushed over to you. He rapped his arms around you into a crushing hug, one that took you off guard, Ian never hugged you let along showed any kind of physical affection towards you. Tentatively, your arms reached around him and returned the hug. After a while, he pulled away and looked at your face,
“Now, do you want to tell just where you have been all damn day!” he was scolding like an upset parent after you miss curfew.
Rubbed at the back of your neck sheepishly and your eyes casted down, you answered him, “I uh- I went to the apartment, I had to- I mean I needed to see for myself.” Your voice cracking halfway, your eyes stung like tears were about to well up, but you were all dried up.
“Oh, its okay…its okay,” Ian rubbed his hands up and down your back to sooth you, he as never good with these types of things but for you, he tried his hardest.
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
TOMURA’S/ DABI POV (Song for this section: Blurry- Puddle of Mud)
Tomura woke up to his head pounding and his mouth so dry his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. When he opened his eyes, they were bleary and dry. He groaned as he sat up, his body sore from the fight and sleeping on the cold, hard floor of whatever abandoned building Dabi has found for them to hide away in. He looked around the room and spotted Dabi about ten feet away, laying under his own coat, both of them were battered and bruised, and so tired after the long day that turned into the worst shit show imaginable. When they laid down in the first place that looked empty, both of them fell asleep quickly.
Although his body was in pain, the first thing on his mind when he came to, was you. His phone screen was smashed, and the device wouldn’t stay turned on for long, and Dabi’s phone was a little melted in spots, but it thankfully still worked.
However, they both agreed that it was too dangerous for you to be in contact with them right now. For your safety, they had to cut contact cold turkey, if either of them was caught and they found Dabi’s phone, the heroes would know you were involved, and you would become a target too.
____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
They kept in touch with very few people over those two weeks, well Dabi did anyways. The only person Tomura wanted to contact was you, he just wanted to know what you were doing, if you were okay, if you missed him…
There were nights that he couldn’t sleep, just laying on the hard floor and staring up at the ceiling, eyes tracing the patterns of peeling paint or sagging wood lost in thought about you. The pain was heavy in his chest, weight that was pressing down like a heart attack. He would lay down and replay his favorite memories with you in a never-ending loop in hopes that his dreams would be full of you, so at least he could spend time with you in his subconscious.
Unbeknownst to Tomura, Dabi sent his only connection to the hero world, Hawks, after you. He knew he wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to use his tracking skills and send a few feathers to keep an eye on you and report back to Dabi periodically. He would never say it out loud, but he deeply cared for you and the only way he or Tomura would be able to rest at night was knowing you were doing okay without them.
You had your older brother to take care of you, sure, but he felt better knowing they would be able to keep tabs on you. It would serve as a distraction too, hearing any updates would momentarily remind them of what was waiting at home for them, give them hope.
Dabi got the first update only a day or two after they went into hiding. It wasn’t much, just a short, slipped phone call using vague wording and a simplistic run down of what he saw.
“She’s looking good, was out at a bar…like a work thing. Came home late, some dark-haired scumbag drove her home and she looked terrified of him. All it took was a ruffle of my wings to scare him off.”
“Got it, thanks.” Dabi hung up the phone, his face remained neutral as he looked up at Tomura who was watching him with large red eyes, hopeful for a positive update. For a moment Dabi considered lying to Tomura about what he had just heard from Hawks, he could just say you were doing fin, going out with co workers and having fun. Tomura was very observant though; he knew Tomura has already read his emotions off the very little body language he displayed.
“Well?” was all he said, his fingers twitching in his lap as he sat on the floor in front of Dabi, his back hunched over with his elbows resting on his legs. He was close enough that he had heard the conversation, and it didn’t take much for him to figure out what it had been about.
Dabi let out a long breath, “He said he went out last night, was out late and some dude brought her home and she was acting scared. Hawks took care of it, she said she’s fine. Goin’ to work like normal.”
Tomura just watched him for a moment, eyes searching Dabi’s face for any sign of dishonesty, when he found none, he just nodded his head once and then let his head hang, eyes cast down to the floor.
Tomura was silent for the rest of the night.
Heaviness settled in Tomura’s chest over the following days between updates, he could feel the distance growing between the two of you as he and Dabi moved from one location to the next, bouncing from place to place. Sometimes it was staying with someone Dabi knew for a few nights, others it was another abandoned building or house.
Meals were scarce and showers were a luxury that was few and far between. Most days were spent trying to get a little sleep, trying to entertain each other or making up a game plan for the next few days. Nights were mainly them moving under the cover of darkness, trying to find a safe place to stay or looking for something to eat, they even rifled through dumpsters behind a strip mall hoping to find some clothing in hopes they could find something, anything they could wear to keep them warm with the knowledge of the upcoming cold front that was moving in much quicker than anticipated as summer wound down and fall geared up.
The next update comes on a night where they are sitting side by side, the nights were cooler already and the building they were in had no insulation. Tomura was sitting close, trying to soak up the warmth that Dabi radiated, it didn’t help that they were both losing any body fat they had so keeping their body temperature regulated was getting harder and harder with every passing day.
“She’s quit going to work, I’ve hardly caught a glimpse of her, she leaves the house sparingly. Her brother took her out. She’s…she’s really pale and- and skinny looking. I left a feather, but she didn’t take it with her. I’ll try again.” Is all the update Dabi got from Hawks before the line went dead.
He let his head drop against his knees as he sat with his back up against the wall, Tomura looked straight ahead wordlessly. They both sat like that for a bit until Tomura broke the silence,
“Do you think she will forgive me? If I ever see her again…” his voice was dry and low, a clear sign of the pure exhausted state they were in.
“Sure, she will.” Is all Dabi could manage to say.
After that, they both sat in silence. The sun had long set and the coldness had seeped into their bones.
Guilt was seeping into their hearts too.