Chapter Text
Day 1444 December 16, 2015 FLASHBACK
~H~
Today is the day that we graduate. “We” I say that like I’m graduating with him. Like I’m walking across the stage with him watching me with excitement and vice versa. Taking pictures in our cap and gowns and our families all around us smiling with balloons before we go to dinner. That was the way it was supposed to go. That was the way I had pictured it, I’m pretty sure that that’s how he pictured it too. Thinking about the way things are supposed to go makes me feel pretty numb to the way things are going.
I’m not walking in today’s graduation; I’m not even graduating. Instead I’m bussing tables in a slow bar on the outskirts of the city. Things have changed almost too drastically in the span of a month and a half. It was as if the things that I had previously wanted and strived for, were now meaningless. I guess I could give you an idea about when I started to think this was all bullshit. The night of the party I had some solid hookups waiting for me, I didn’t think Lou was coming, and when I saw him, I knew he was going to take me back, I could see it in his sweet face and I couldn’t let that happen. Not yet. Louis thought he was ready to forgive me and have me back, but I knew the minute we got back together, self-doubt, worry, jealousy, and all insecure feelings that accompany being cheated on will slowly tear us apart in unfixable ways. I couldn’t let all hope just vanish.
I figured Lou would leave when he saw me with Nick, but I never would have imagined he’d leave with someone else. That’s when it hit me, someone else could touch him, love him, kiss him in ways that I wouldn’t be able to for a while, if not ever. Someone will get to live a part of their life with him that I could only imagine. Louis was no longer MINE, even though he didn’t belong to anyone else, eventually he would and that scared the fuck out of me.
Slowly I started to realize I didn’t want the previous life I had planned. I wanted a life I was proud of. Getting a job at my father’s company was not a personal accomplishment, but entitlement. Graduating school was never a goal, but an expectation. All the things that were so important to me slowly started to drift away, leaving me here. In an old bar, bussing tables outside of town.
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
PRESENT
“Louis?” the voice mutters almost sounding like I’m under water.
“Harry.” I whisper back letting go of Andy’s hand
Andy looks between Harry and I, while Nick goes to grab his arm and slowly drag him over to their other coworkers. Andy reluctantly follows and I’m still looking at harry. So much about him has changed in 265 days and I’m pretty sure all of the physical aspects are for the better. Tattoos, longer hair, bigger everything, let’s just say it’s for the better.
“Who’s the blonde?” Harry is suddenly asking me as he wipes down the counters.
“My boyfriend.” I say tapping on the counter softly.
“Mmm” Harry says still looking at the counters.
“Mmm, what is that supposed to mean?” I say looking at him.
“Nothing, just acknowledging what you said” Harry mutters
“You weren’t at graduation…” I mumble
“Nope” he says popping the ‘p’ and starts picking up some trash.
“Why?” I ask now looking at him intensely.
“Why do you care?” Harry asks finally stopping.
“Why do you care who Andy is?” I ask looking in his eyes.
“Curiosity.” Harry answers. “are you guys serious?” Harry suddenly asks.
“Kinda, Yeah.” I say looking back at Andy who’s laughing and then looks at me with a small smile. I smile back and he winks and goes back to talking with his friends. “Why?” I ask looking back to Harry.
“Curiosity.” Harry states flatly. “I didn’t graduate” Harry says finally.
I look at him with wide eyes. “Wha- why?”
“I didn’t want to.” He said ducking down into the bar to grab some drink glasses and starts wiping them down.
“Oh… So you bought a bar?” I ask not wanting the conversation to die.
“You could say that I guess.” Harry says still not looking up from those damn glasses.
“Why are you still over here? Your boyfriend keeps glancing over here, why aren’t you with him?” Harry finally asks.
I don’t have an answer, I don’t know why I’m still sitting here, or why I’m waiting on him to talk to me, or why I want him to look at me so badly. So instead of answering I fish mouthing trying to come up with an answer.
“Let be honest Lou, you’re wondering if I miss you, how my life is going, blah, blah, blah. I don’t miss you, life’s going great, and I really think you should go back over there with your little boyfriend, or is he just a rebound, do you miss me?” Harry whispers leaning down so we are face to face.
My hand flies out and I slap his face. “You’re obviously miserable, because the Harry I knew wasn’t such a dick, and my little boyfriend is one of the sweetest people I have ever met, and he makes me happy. I don’t know why I thought maybe I could have you in my life as a friend again because, maybe I did miss you. But now I know it was a lapse in my judgement and a mistake I will never make again. Ass”. I say standing up and walking outside pulling a cigarette from my pocket.
“Baby?” Andy says gently laying a hand on my shoulder.
“Hmm” I whisper blowing the smoke away from him.
“You left a mighty red handprint on the owners face” Andy whispers leaning his head on my shoulder.
“He was an ass, who deserved it.” I whisper back.
“Was that the Harry you told me about from college?” Andy asks looking me in the eyes.
“Yup.” I whisper looking back at him
“You okay?” He asks now gently squeezing my hip.
“I’m not, not okay…” I whisper.
“It’s okay, to be not okay.” He says gently kissing my forehead.
“No, because I have you, he shouldn’t be able to affect me” I say leaning in to his kiss.
“Yeah, but you loved him, and he hurt you. I know it’s going to take time for you to heal. I knew that before I started dating you. I’m okay with that” Andy whispers.
“Seriously, how are you even real?” I whisper leaning on my toes to kiss him.
Andy kisses me back and gently wraps his arms around me. Until we hear someone clear their throat.
Andy pulls away and looks to see who the person is, as I look past him and see Harry standing there. “Hey, you must be Harry, I’m Andy” Andy says reaching his hand out.
“Nice to meet you,” Harry says shaking his hand. “Can I talk to Lou?” Harry asks looking from Andy to me.
Andy looks back at me to see if it’s okay and I nod. Andy smiles and kisses my cheek and starts to walk inside. “We’ll talk about those cigarettes when we get home” Andy says before he’s fully inside.
Harry looks at me raising an eyebrow.
“He’s been trying to get me to quit for months” I say shrugging.
Harry nods and looks down at his brown boots. “Look, I’m really sorry for what I said in there. I guess it was just a shock to see you, and to see you with someone else. I handled it the wrong way” Harry says slowly.
“It’s okay, I’m sorry I left a mark when I slapped you.” I mumble back.
Harry raises another eyebrow at me.
“What? I’m not sorry I hit you. You deserved that, but I am sorry I hit you hard enough to leave a mark.” I say shrugging,
Harry laughs and he looks at me and shakes his head. “Can we get lunch sometime and like catch up?” Harry asks looking at me.
“Yeah, maybe…” I say looking up at Harry. “I’m not sure I’m ready…” I whisper looking at my shoes.
“Well whenever you are, you know where to find me.” Harry says slowly walking back inside while I light another cigarette.
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
Blog Post #1663
Harry. Is. Back.
I’m screwed.