Chapter Text
Momo remembered the first night they had spent together alone. It was quiet, calm among the chaos of the world watching their every move. They hadn’t planned to be alone, the other girls seemed to conveniently vanish at the same time. So they ended up on the couch together eating tteokbokki and watching some zombie apocalypse movie. It was peaceful despite the graphic movie playing. The two of them were silent, taking in the warmth of the other. Eventually, they made their way to Jihyo's bedroom where they fell asleep wrapped in each other after a conversation about memories from trainee days. Momo snored lightly but it didn’t bother Jihyo, it was oddly comforting her, a reminder that the other girl was real, that her feelings were real.
Now, the two were facing their own conflicting feelings towards each other across Seoul, the memories of what once was now distant and fragile.
–
Momo found herself alone in the dance studio after being unable to sleep the night before. She decided to come early to get some extra practice in for their new comeback. Her body moved with a practiced ease, her moves flawless to those who would look up at her from their seats in the concert. But she could see the mistakes, feel the imperfections. It wasn’t that she was messing up the moves. She certainly wasn’t. She hit every beat perfectly, every motion was smooth, her body did exactly what it was meant to. It was something deeper – something within her – that was wrong. She felt disconnected, like her mind was present but her spirit wasn’t. Her face lacked its usual expressiveness and her motions were bland. She sighed as she stared at her hollow reflection.
The music looped endlessly but Momo’s thoughts, rather lack of, silenced it. She pressed her forehead against the mirror, her hands and forehead leaving a sweat mark against the glass. She knew she couldn’t keep doing this. Whatever this was. She really wasn’t doing anything. It was not her fault that her and Jihyo had grown so… distant.
Jihyo. Everything seemed to tie back to her. Her stupidly big brown eyes and the annoyingly perfect mark on her nose that Momo desperately wanted to kiss. She was so frustratingly perfect and all Momo could do was accept that she may have lost the only thing she wanted in life. She groaned at the thought, pushing herself off the mirror and breathing deeply. She came here to practice, not to think.
She began to dance again, I Can’t Stop Me filling the room. She danced but all she could think about was how stupidly good Jihyo’s voice sounded. It pissed her off, her perfection. Jihyo had grown to be a good dancer too, and she had gotten much prettier as she aged. Jihyo was good at everything. She was like a group in of herself. Perfect vocals, powerful dancing skills, flawless stage presence, and a face that people would go to war for.
Momo gave up, falling to the floor with another dramatic groan as her thoughts consumed her. It was all so stupid. She buried her head in her hands, her back towards the door and music blasting so loud she couldn’t hear the door open.
“Momo?” A voice called to her. An annoyingly familiar deep voice that belonged to the girl who was consuming her thoughts. Momo looked at her through the mirror, their eyes meeting and silence falling over them. Jihyo stood with her bag slung over her shoulder and a coffee in her hand. She wore a tank top that exposed the toned muscles of her arms and a pair of grey sweatpants. Momo swallowed thickly, trying hard to not focus on the girl's muscles. The tension was thick between the two of them and the room suddenly felt suffocating. Momo felt like she was drowning, words refusing to escape her. Jihyo looked slightly concerned but was just as much at a loss for words.
“Are you… alright? Why are you here so early?” Jihyo said cautiously as she made her way to the corner of the room, putting her bag and coffee down before walking over to where Momo was sitting on the floor.
Jihyo’s heart was pounding, so was Momo’s. Neither of the girls could tell but their hearts beat in unison.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Momo mumbled. She looked anywhere but the girl next to her, staring down at her with a pitiful expression. Momo did not like this at all. She felt weak.
The leader extended a hand to the girl on the floor, offering to help her up. Momo debated her options for a moment. For the sake of not seeming rude she took the girl's hand, nodding in gratitude as she stood and immediately letting her hand go. Momo might have just been seeing things but she could have sworn she saw a small frown fall upon Jihyo's lips at the obvious avoidance of physical contact.
The two stood awkwardly in the middle of the studio, the only sound was the loud music that had long since been ignored.
“Momo, we need to” Jihyo started before being interrupted,
“Gooooood morning everyone!” Sana sang as she cheerfully skipped into the practice room, an exhausted Jeongyeon following her and a composed Mina behind. Momo and Jihyo exchanged an awkward glance before greeting the others, Jihyo gravitating towards Jeongyeon and letting the Japanese members discuss Misamo things.
The other members eventually made their entrance, most of them looking less tired than usual after having a weekend off of their schedule for the first time in months.
Dance practice went as usual, the girls focusing on a certain verse that tripped them up or making minor changes in old choreography that didn’t quite fit their stage concept now. But there was one thing that was different. The main dancer and vocalist were avoiding each other like the plaque. They stood as far as possible when the group broke for water. Whenever the formation called for them to be close they would awkwardly stand as far away as ‘close’ would permit. But their eyes, they never seemed to leave the other.
Momo would stare at Jihyo when she thought the younger girl wasn’t looking, then Jihyo would look, their eyes would meet in a heated exchange and Momo would hastily look away as if she was never looking. It was a cycle, and the other girls were not oblivious to it. During a break, Sana playfully prodded Momo’s side while she stared, feigning hurt when Momo slapped her hand away as she jumped.
“Ya Momoring that hurts!” Sana teased with a hurt expression yet a cocky, knowing grin painting her lips.
Momo rolled her eyes at the younger girl's antics, pushing her shoulder lightly as Sana giggled.
“You should go talk to her instead of staring at her like you're going to disappear if you look away. Staring is going to do you absolutely no good and you are so obvious.” Sana said as she leaned against Momo’s shoulder.
Momo shrugged, sipping water through her straw as she watched Jeongyeon throw an arm around Jihyo’s shoulder as they laughed about something stupid Nayeon was doing. Jihyo turned and caught Momo’s gaze, causing the older girl to flush and immediately look at her hand that anxiously tapped the floor. Sana looked up at the older girl through her lashes with a serious look on her face.
“Please, Momo. You can’t keep avoiding her. I don’t know why you’re avoiding her but… you’re really hurting her and it's hurting me. It's hurting us as a group. If you two don’t work out whatever is going on between you… well, please do. If not for her, for the group.” Sana said, waiting for the older girl to respond.
Momo stiffened at her words. She knew she was right, they couldn’t do this forever and it was affecting everyone, not just the two of them. But she didn’t know what she could do. What would she even say? If she was being honest, she didn’t know why she was avoiding her. It was complicated. Especially with Nayeon constantly teasing her about her feelings and teasing the two of them about their awkwardness. She knew Nayeon didn’t mean to make things hard but she was. Maybe Momo would have to confront Nayeon about it before she talked to Jihyo.
Momo was drawn out of her thoughts at the sound of Jihyo’s voice echoing through the room,
“Let’s run this all one more time and then everyone can go home. You guys are all doing great so far, let's keep it up!” Jihyo said enthusiastically, a big smile that melted Momo’s heart plastered on her face. Sana moved off Momo’s shoulder, pulling her up and giggling at her stumbling slightly as they walked to their formations.
The rest of practice went smoothly. There were a few things they needed to clean up but they had been at it for hours and everyone was exhausted and covered in sweat.
Momo was spread out like a starfish on the floor of the studio, her chest rising and falling heavily as sweat dripped off her body. Sana stood over her with her stuff.
“Promise me you’ll talk to her.” Sana said, a soft yet stern look gracing her tired face. Momo nodded, her hands pressing against her abs before she sat up, spotting the girl in the corner of the room alone, gathering her stuff. Sana smiled, patting Momo on the head before skipping out of the studio and cheerily wishing everyone goodbye.
Momo sighed as she stood up, feeling the tired in her muscles. She was not lucky enough to have had the weekend off. She stretched her aching back, maybe she was getting old… this must be what Nayeon feels like. She shook her head before heading over to the corner where Jihyo was, alone. Most of the other girls had shuffled out but Nayeon and Jeongyeon were in the corner opposite the leader, in their own world watching stuff on Jeongyeon's phone.
Momo gathered her stuff, standing awkwardly next to Jihyo before turning to face her. She studied Jihyo’s side profile. She looked… sad. Was she sad because of me? Is this my fault? Momo shook the thoughts from her head as Jihyo turned to face her, looking up at the slightly taller girl. They stood there for a moment, Momo at a loss for words.
She was so beautiful, even after hours of dancing, even while sweating and tired, even while looking so sad and empty. Momo opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. Eventually, she found something to say.
“Jihyo, I-”
“Ya Park Jihyo! Hurry up, Nayeon is torturing me!” Jeongyeon screamed as Nayeon slapped her while laughing about something on her phone. Momo closed her mouth, feeling like a kicked puppy and staring at the floor between her and Jihyo. Jihyo reached out to squeeze her hand, Momo looked back at her. Jihyo’s expression was soft, patient. Momo felt better, but she knew she needed to say something.
“We will find a time to talk, okay? Just the two of us, I promise.” Jihyo smiled, rubbing her thumb over Momo’s knuckles. Jihyo’s heart clenched before it burst. She felt sad that Momo hadn’t got to speak her truth, but at least Momo was trying now. Momo nodded, a slow and somber movement.
Jihyo let go, padding over to Nayeon and Jeongyeon with a smile. The three walked out together and Jihyo walked slightly behind the two, turning to look at Momo one last time, a quiet expression of I'll wait for you gracing her pretty face.
Momo knew she had to say something.