Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Once again, today Bobby allows Buck the pleasure of being late for work. The difference being that this time it’s not for much needed rest. Thankfully, after two nights at Bobby and Athena’s place, he’s feeling fresh and ready for the day in an unfamiliar way. This time it’s granted so that he can go pick up his Jeep. 

Athena volunteered to drive him on her way to her own shift. It was on the way for her, so it made more sense than to have Bobby go that far out of his way. Especially when he needs to be at the station before everyone else arrives. It’d have left Buck waiting outside the tow place until they opened up too, so overall it just didn’t seem ideal any other way.

Of course, because that’s just how things go when you’re Evan Buckley, a problem arose. He’s just trying to pay the stupid fine for being towed with money he doesn’t have apparently, because his card has just been declined for the third time.

“Hold up, let me just check something really quick,” he says with an awkward chuckle, patting his pockets for his phone before remembering it’s still in the vehicle. He should have grabbed it when he grabbed his wallet, he realises. “Can I go grab my phone from my car?”

“Fine,” the employee that clearly doesn’t want to be here says. He then points in the direction of where his car is parked, even though Buck already knew where it was. He has a slight suspicion that this man is high, given everything about him and their interactions so far.

Of course, when he grabs his phone, it’s completely drained of battery.

“Fucking great,” he mutters to himself.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Buck makes his way back to the front desk. He proceeds to ask if he can just try his card again, which the guy agrees to. Unfortunately all that greets him is the declined screen on the payment device.

“Can you pay or not?” The guy impatiently asks.

“I guess not,” Buck says, feeling defeated. “Can I maybe charge my phone for a few minutes so I can call someone?”

“Sure. Can you watch the desk for me for a moment? I need to go for a smoke,” he asks, and before Buck can even reply, the guy walks away. He ignores that, just plugging in his charger and taking a seat behind the desk while he waits.

As he’s waiting, he looks over his cards, seeing that his credit card expired a few days ago. That would explain why that one isn’t working. He’s afraid to look at his debit card balance though, if it’s declining too.

When his phone turns on, Buck calls Bobby.

“You on your way to work?” He asks when he answers the phone.

“Uh, no… About that, I was wondering if maybe someone could come pick me up?” He says it with an I’ll owe you if you do kind of tone.

“Something go wrong when picking up your Jeep?” 

“Turns out my credit card is expired.” He lets out a pathetic little chuckle. 

“I’ll be there in a few, Buck,” Bobby says before Buck can hear him say something to someone at the station, probably telling them where he’s going. 

“Thanks, Bobby.”

Thankfully, Buck isn’t waiting long before Bobby gets there, when he does though, the employee still hasn’t come back. Buck is only half convinced that he will.

“Why are you sitting behind the desk?” An amused expression gracing his face.

Buck shrugs. 

“Don’t know where Don went.” He points at the nameplate, assuming that was the guy's name.

“So, you couldn’t pay?” Bobby asks, looking at Buck with a sort of serious expression. It tells Buck that he’s not getting out of this without telling him something. “Anything I should be concerned about?”

“No, like I said, card is just expired,” Buck brushes off.

“What about not using your credit card?” Bobby suggests, though the look in his eye tells him he knows Buck already tried.

“Not sure why, but that declined too,” Buck tells him honestly. “I think maybe I just forgot to move money around after one of my payments went through.”

“Payments?” Bobby presses.

“Phone bill, car insurance, medical bills.” He quickly whispers that last thing. “Just stuff like that.”

“You’re still paying off your medical bills?” 

Nodding, Buck says, “Yeah. Almost done with those though.” It’s a flat out lie, but no need to worry Bobby over something he can’t change.

“I feel like now’s a good time to do one of those check-ins,” Bobby says. “Are you struggling financially?”

“I’m f–”

“Tell me the truth, Buck,” Bobby demands.

“I could be doing better,” he admits honestly. “But I’ve got a handle on it.”

It’s true, technically. Since he’s been back to work, he’s had enough money to pay for everything he needs to pay for. Not like he has rent to pay, so it’s fine. He’s surviving.

“I’m having a hard time believing you right now, if I’m being honest,” Bobby admits, looking at him like he’s trying to figure Buck out. It’s a look he sees on people a lot these days. “Is this what’s been weighing on you lately? I know how financial troubles can really eat at you.”

For the briefest moment, Buck genuinely considers telling Bobby the truth. It’d be so easy to just break down and confess to everything. To give in and just let Bobby help him. But before the words could escape him, Don walked back in.

“Did he help you already?”

“I don’t actually work here, dude.” He looks at him flabbergasted.

“I’m here to pay to get his car out,” Bobby says, and Buck turns to him.

“Uh, no. I can pay, just give me a–”

Bobby holds his hand out to stop him. “Let me help you, Buck.”

A part of him really wants to argue with Bobby, insist that he can just move some money around and figure it out. It’ll be fine. The other part of him is worried that he’ll look in his bank account and see that he can’t make that work. He doesn’t get paid for a few more days, and he can’t go that long without his Jeep. Surely it’d raise too many suspicions if he had to stay with someone until then.

Knowing it was a lost cause to fight him on this, Buck nods ever so slightly. He can accept help for just this one thing. He’ll figure out a way to make it up to Bobby later.

“Hey, man,” Eddie says, approaching Buck.

“Why do I get the sense that you’re about to ask for a favour?” Buck eyes Eddie suspiciously.

“Because I am,” Eddie tells him, grinning at him with those damn deer eyes that could make Buck agree to literally anything. “Do you think you could watch Chris tomorrow?”

“Can I watch him at your place this time?”

He’ll say yes either way; just figure it out later. But it’d be far less stressful to know he has a place to watch Chris. 

“You do know he won’t judge your apartment, right?” Eddie tells him, and Buck is getting the sense that this is partially so that he can get some intel on his apartment, because Buck still won’t let him see it. For obvious reasons. “Or maybe he will, because I’ve never seen it, so maybe it’s awful.” It’s said jokingly, teasingly even, but it still causes Buck to panic a little bit.

It’s getting awfully close to him not knowing how to keep Eddie from finding out anymore. Eddie is toeing the line constantly, and Buck only has so many excuses in him. One of these days he’s going to find out he doesn’t have an apartment, and he isn’t sure what’s supposed to come after that.
Or maybe for a night he can rent an airbnb and tell Eddie that’s where he lives. Yeah, that might keep him off his trail for a bit. Eddie could come over for beers and that’d be that. He’ll work on setting that up.

In his peripheral, he sees Bobby eyeing him, having overheard, like Eddie never told him he moved like he thought he did. He thought that was part of the reason he asked him about his finances the other day. Bobby doesn’t approach him though, doesn’t ask about it, just walks away, leaving Buck to expect a conversation later.

“I’m sorry, but it’ll have to be at your place. My tía Pepa and my abuela are coming over to wrap Christmas presents for Chris and set up a little Christmas surprise. It’s his first Christmas since his mom died, and we work actual Christmas day–”

“So you want to give him something to try and make up for that?”

Eddie nods.

“I can take him,” Buck agrees. He’ll figure something out. He always does.

“Thank you, Buck,” Eddie appreciates. “I owe you.”

“You really don’t,” Buck assures him. “Taking care of Chris isn’t a favour, it’s an honour. If anything, I should owe you for letting me spend time with my favourite Diaz.”

A soft chuckle escapes Eddie at that.

“You’re invited by the way,” Eddie says. “To our not-actually-Christmas Christmas dinner and gift opening.”

“I’ll be there,” Buck promises.

After the conversation is done and Eddie leaves to get back to whatever task he dropped to talk to Buck, he’s left standing there with a realization. His brain has been so occupied by his own bullshit lately that buying gifts genuinely slipped his mind. Like, yeah, he was aware Christmas was coming up, but the fact that he is supposed to be celebrating too didn’t occur to him. 

It’s not like he’s exactly been in a celebratory mood lately.

Before he could delve into that in his mind further; to come up with last minute gift ideas, Bobby is approaching him. He doesn’t say anything, but he gestures his head towards his office, and Buck knows that this is going to be another one of those check-ins that Bobby has been doing lately.

He both appreciates them, because it’s nice feeling like Bobby cares, and hates them, because it’s hard to hide the truth when Bobby asks such direct questions sometimes. He’s never been a great liar.

Sure enough, Bobby starts the conversation with, “We didn’t quite get to finish our conversation the other day.” He then passes Buck some papers. “While we talk, you can fill out these. It’s just to update your address in your file.”

“Maybe I can just fill them out later, focus on the conversation,” Buck suggests, because he doesn't have an address to put on these forms, and it might be hard to figure something out while they’re talking.

“Um… okay.” Bobby gives him an odd look, but carries on. “Do you feel comfortable telling me why you moved? Because I know there’s no way your lease was up.”

“Just felt like it,” Buck lies, very unconvincingly, with a shrug. Like he said, he’s a bad liar. 

“Buck,” Bobby scolds.

Looking down at the forms in front of him so that he doesn’t have to see Bobby’s expression, he confesses, “I got evicted.”

“Evicted?”

“I momentarily didn’t have my financial situation under control,” Buck admits, going for as casual as he can. “My new place is smaller, cheaper–” Technically true. “–and I’m back at work, so everything is all good now. Promise.”

He’s really got to stop making promises that are unkept the second they leave his mouth.

“Buck, why didn’t you come to me about this? I could have helped,” Bobby insists.

“It’s my fault I missed a couple payments, not yours. My responsibility to fix it.” I don’t deserve your help, he doesn’t say. Bobby would argue it until Buck was forced to agree. So, he keeps the words tied to his tongue instead.

“Why’d you miss your payments? When you say you didn’t have your financial situation under control, what did you mean by that?” Bobby’s voice is incredibly patient, and Buck can’t hear even the slightest hint of judgement in his tone. It almost makes him mad, because Bobby should be judging him.

“I technically had money to pay for rent,” Buck starts, hoping it makes it sound like he’s more fine than he is or was. “I just– I had to decide between rent and my bills, and I didn’t exactly have much of a choice.” That probably negates his attempt just then to make it seem like it was really no big deal.

The amount of honesty slipping through during this conversation is freaking him out a little, but he can’t quite seem to stop it from happening. It’s just easier than keeping track of a million lies. Plus, he’s just exhausted mentally. The energy required to keep up with what he had been is a lot.

“What did you do after you got evicted? Where did you go?”

Buck doesn’t know how to answer that without telling the truth. He’s said enough that Bobby would find the holes in any lie he comes up with. He should have just kept his damn mouth shut. If he couldn’t manage a lie, then he should have kept quiet instead. 

“I swear it was only temporary,” Buck begins explaining. Bobby might notice the lie, but he’s going down swinging in an attempt either way. Bobby looks like he wants to say something, but he waits patiently for Buck to finish. “... Until I got back to work, I was living in my Jeep.”

Looking at him, Buck sees the immediate heartbreak in Bobby’s eyes. It’s obvious he’s doing his best to hold himself together, but Buck can see his eyes get a little watery before he blinks it away.

He called it. He knew Bobby would feel that way, devastated by the news that the guy he sees like a son for some unknown reason is such a loser he had to resort to being homeless. Buck doesn’t deserve the amount of care Bobby has for him, he really doesn’t. 

When it inevitably comes out that he’s still living in his Jeep, Buck doesn’t want to see that expression grow tenfold. Bobby doesn’t deserve the pain that’ll come with that. It’s Buck’s problem, he should be the only one suffering.

It’d be so much easier on them if they just gave up caring about him. Unfortunately, they’re stubborn as hell, the whole 118 crew.

“Buck.” The damn sadness is seeping into his tone as well. “Why– I don’t understand why you’d think you had to resort to that. You have a family, Buck. Any one of us would have taken you in faster than a heartbeat.”

“I know,” Buck says, whispers really. His voice is quiet, hardly sounds like his own. 

“Then why, Buck?”

“I think you’re forgetting that everyone was pissed at me for trying to sue you,” Buck tells him instead of honestly saying that he doesn’t want to burden any of them any more than he already does.

“Is that why you were so desperate to come back to work? For the money? Weren’t you getting medical leave pay?” Bobby questions.

“The truth, no, that’s not why I was so desperate to come back.” For once he said something brutally honest with no partial lie attached. “I needed my family back. I was lost without you guys, and I was scared that I’d lose you all forever. No one has stuck around for me, and I-I just thought that if I wasn’t a firefighter anymore, then you guys would forget about me; move on without me.”

“You are impossible to forget, Buck,” Bobby assures. “We would have loved you forever, even if your injuries permanently took you away from the team. You are family, no matter what, and I’m sorry you ever felt like you wouldn’t be.”

There’s tears forming in his eyes, ones that he doesn’t want to let fall, because if they start to, then he isn’t sure when he’d be able to get them to stop. So, he blinks them away the best he can, and says, “Thanks, Bobby. For everything. I know I can be a lot sometimes, but I appreciate you for putting up with me anyways.”

“How’s therapy treating you?” Bobby asks instead of responding directly to what Buck said. The look on his face tells Buck that he’s worried about him still though. Probably why he turned the question to him talking to a professional.

“It’s– Good, I guess. I’m still a little hesitant to open up to her fully, if I’m being honest.” He has told her about his living situation though, and her advice was the same as everyone else who knows about it. Tell someone important to you.

“It’s okay to be scared or unsure, kid,” Bobby assures him. “But I’m worried about all those thoughts you have in your head. And I want you to be able to learn that whatever you seem to be telling yourself, it’s not always as true as you seem to think it is.”

“I’m trying, Bobby.” Sort of.

“And that’s all I can really ask for,” Bobby says, giving him a kind, but worried smile.

That conversation didn’t have a chance to advance past that because of the alarm going off seconds later. But now it’s late, past midnight, and Buck is sitting up on the cold roof of the station, staring at the forms Bobby gave him to change his address.

He simply doesn’t know what to do.

“Hey.”

Buck looks towards the door, spotting Eddie walking towards him.

“Do you have some sort of spidey sense for when I’m up here, ‘cause I swear you always know,” Buck says. “Thought you were sleeping.”

“I was sleeping, but my Buck sense was tingling, and I could sense you needed some company,” Eddie tells him in a sort of joking but serious tone. “What’s that?” He points to the papers sitting on Buck’s lap.

Honestly Buck doesn’t know exactly what set it off, but immediately, he bursts into tears. Maybe it’s because he’s so sick of having to keep up with this lie. Maybe because life has been so shitty he forgot he’s allowed to celebrate the holidays; that he exists beyond this shitty little lonely life he’s resigned himself to. 

Or maybe it’s simply because he doesn’t know what to put on this damn form.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie says, voice soft with concern. “What’s going on?” He’s now crouching in front of Buck.

“I can’t keep doing this anymore, I’m sorry,” he sobs out, using his hoodie sleeve to wipe at his eyes uselessly. More tears just keep coming, and he doesn’t have it in him to stop it. The dam has broken, the water is freeflowing once again.

“Can’t keep doing what, Buck?” Again, voice so soothing and comforting, but filled with worry. Buck almost hates it. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s selfish for what he’s about to do.

“Lying.”

“Lying about what?” Eddie prompts, looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes. 

Buck shakes his head, like he’s internally fighting with himself on whether or not he’s allowed to let this secret out. It doesn’t matter, because he can’t keep it in anymore. The choice is out of his hands. If he didn’t let it spill out naturally, Eddie would dig in deep enough until he found it himself.

“You were right,” Buck confesses.

“About what, Buck?”

“I don’t have a place to live.” He lets out a sob after the words come out. “I did try to get a new place, but because I got evicted from the loft, no one wants to rent to me. I-I get it though. Who knows if I could even afford to pay rent if they did. I’ve got like an absurd amount of medical bills following me, a-and I was supposed to have another surgery, but I was so scared it’d leave me even more in debt, so I never went in to see my doctor. I couldn’t even pay to get my Jeep out after it was towed, or to get the window fixed, Bobby had to. Not the window, the other thing. Which I feel awful about, but I don’t want to have to sleep on a bench, the cops get mad. And now Bobby wants me to fill out this form with my new address, but I don’t have one. Eddie, help,” he begs in between ragged breaths. 

“Buck, breathe,” Eddie demands, and when Buck looks up at him in the midst of hyperventilating, he sees tears streaming down Eddie’s cheeks. “Just breathe. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“I don’t deserve you. Any of you. This is all my fault, and I deserve to be going through this. I’ve–”

Eddie grabs his face, cupping his cheeks tightly, forcing him to look at him. “You do not deserve any of this, Buck. Is that why you haven’t gone to anyone for help? Because you think you deserve to be in pain?”

“I do,” Buck sadly admits. 

“No,” Eddie says firmly, a tear of his own slipping down his cheek. “You don’t. Buck, you don’t.”

“Eddie, I’m sorry.”

Eddie shakes his head. “I knew something was up. I thought– I asked if you– I shouldn’t have taken you at your word. I knew I shouldn’t have. Everything was pointing at you lying to me, and I still believed you when you said you just moved into a new place. A place you never let me see.” Buck can see the devastation in Eddie’s eyes, and Buck feels awful for putting that there. He knows how often he takes internal blame for shit that wasn’t his fault. “Where were you planning on taking Chris tomorrow?”

Shrugging, Buck says, “I don’t know.”

With his expired credit card, he couldn’t even book them a hotel or something. Honestly, he probably would have spent the day with him before dropping him off at Bobby’s or something. He’d have been safer with him anyways.

“And yet, you agreed to help me out anyway,” Eddie points out, voice sad. 

Buck nods. “I always will.”

“Why are you drowning in medical debt anyways? Shouldn’t everything have been covered by our insurance?” Eddie asks. He’s now got one hand resting on Buck’s knee, comfortingly rubbing his thumb along in a soothing manner, still crouched in front of him.

“I was labeled to blame for the embolism by the insurance company, so they’re charging me for everything for that hospital visit,” Buck explains.

“That’s bullshit!” Eddie snaps, but then re-composes himself when he sees Buck flinch a little. “How could that be on you? It was a complication from multiple surgeries and crush injury.”

“I know that,” Buck says. “I applied to appeal it, but never heard back.”

“So all this time, you’ve– I knew you were struggling. We all did. But you wouldn’t tell us with what. I should have dug deeper. I should have–”

“I didn’t want you to know. You could have found me actually sleeping in my Jeep, and I would have made up some lie to justify it,” Buck tells him. He doesn’t want Eddie to hold all of this blame inside. It wasn’t his fault.

The whole time, ever since they forgave each other once he got back to work, Eddie has been endlessly offering up anything he could to try and be there for him in any way he knew how. It was clear he wanted to do more, but Buck kept pushing him away just enough so that he wouldn’t find out the honest truth. It’s not on him, it’s all on Buck.

“But it wasn’t just your living situation. Buck, your mental health is shit right now,” Eddie points out.

“Blunt.”

“But true. I’ve been so worried about you, but I also kept telling myself that I was playing it up in my head because of how much I care about you, thinking that the more I cared, the more I’d worry. And that is true, but the logic is different. I should have been there for you more.”

“I didn’t want you to be there for me, if I’m being honest,” Buck says. “But you were there for me anyways when I really needed it. Even while processing the loss of Shannon. You had your own shit you were going through. You shouldn’t have had to push that aside for me. You should have just left me alone. I was fine on my own.”

“No, that’s what you’re telling yourself to make yourself feel better because you are scared,” Eddie tells him, and Buck isn’t sure he can argue with the logic of that. He is scared, of not being enough, of being a burden, probably a hundred different things, and doesn’t know what to do about anything anymore. “There's nothing you hate more than being alone. I never should have let you be.”

“I should have told you from the start,” Buck admits. He's known that to be true since day one, but it's easier to not be disappointed if you set yourself up for failure in the first place. It’s safer that way.

“Yes, you should have, Buck. I don't care that we weren't meant to be speaking, or that I was kind of pissed at you. I would have ignored everything else to help you. Hell, if you couldn't stay with me ‘cause of the lawsuit, I'm sure Pepa would have loved to dote on you and have someone around to help with chores and errands.”

That sounds like it would have been nice, Buck thinks to himself. 

Eddie then grabs the forms from Buck, pulling out a pen from his pocket, then writes something down before turning it back towards Buck. “Sign.” He points to where his signature is required. Buck hesitates, looking at what Eddie wrote as his new address, but Eddie just looks at him with a devastated plea, and Buck does as asked. “And here too. Perfect.”

Buck knew better than to go against what Eddie was telling him to do, but he stills bad for putting him out like this. He can find somewhere else to live. He can keep living in his Jeep, he’s been just fine so far.

“Stop thinking so loud, Buck,” Eddie chastises. “If you think I'm going to let you go back to living in your windowless Jeep, you're kidding yourself. I mean, if you'd rather live with someone else, then I'm sure Bobby can just give you new forms, but I'd love having you live with me. Chris would too. He'd be the happiest kid on earth if he got to have you around all the time.”

“Going for my weak spot, I see.” He lets out a small, wet chuckle.

Eddie just smiles at him. Then, “You're going to have to tell Bobby. If you want to keep this from everyone else I will respect that, even if I think you should tell everyone. But Bobby has to know.”

“I know.” Buck sighs, then wipes at his eyes.

“C'mon, let's just get it over with. Let's go to his office, and I'll grab him for you, okay?” 

Buck wants to put this off for as long as possible, but he knows getting it over with is the better choice for sure.

“Fine.”

As he’s walking towards Bobby’s office, he catches a glimpse of himself in the reflection of a shiny metal surface, seeing his red-rimmed eyes. Bobby is going to take one look at him and know something is up. 

Eddie left to go find Bobby, who is probably sleeping, if Buck had to throw out a guess. This could have waited until morning, Buck thinks to himself. No need to interrupt Bobby’s sleep. It’s important to be well rested on this job. He can only imagine that it’s more prevalent as a captain. He knows Eddie won’t change his mind on his plan though.

Maybe Eddie is right, it’ll be better to just get it over with.

Both Eddie and Bobby walk back into the office together while Buck sits slumped in a chair. Eddie must have said something to Bobby though, because he doesn’t look surprised to see Buck look like he’s just had a breakdown.

Truth be told, he doesn’t know how to start this conversation, so he just says, “Filled out those forms.” Then he passes Bobby the papers.

Buck watches as Bobby reads through it, nodding slightly to himself. “Y’know, I had a feeling you weren’t being completely honest with me earlier.” Buck curls in on himself a little. “I was gonna have Athena trail you after work to see where you went. I’d have rather you been mad at me for invading your personal privacy than have you keep living in your Jeep.”

“‘M sorry, Bobby.”

“No, you have nothing to apologise for,” Bobby assures. “I’m sorry for not realising that this is what was going on this whole time. I assumed it was something else. I just thought you were struggling mentally from the bombing, embolism, and tsunami. I mean, anyone would have been if they were in your shoes.”

“To be fair, it’d be an odd conclusion to jump to if you didn’t have something pointing directly towards it,” he says in Bobby’s defense. It’s true, he doesn’t think he’d ever assume someone was secretly homeless unless it was glaringly obvious beforehand.

“Still,” Bobby continues. “I’m sorry. I wish you never had to go through any of all the crap you’ve dealt with this past year. Or any of the years in the past that made you think you didn’t deserve the help.”

Eddie turns to face Buck, grabbing ahold of his hands. It’s not something they’d usually do, but this is an unusual situation, he supposes. “We’ve got you, you know that right?” All Buck can do is nod. Eddie wouldn’t lie to him. “Whether you like it or not, from here on out, we’re in your corner. We’re not taking no for an answer. You’re going to let us in, you’re going to let us help you.”

“Thank you,” Buck whispers. It’s hard to just accept that there’s people out in the world that could care about him this much. He’s so used to being left on his own to fend for himself. For the last who even knows how many years, he’s had to be his own support system. So trusting someone else to do it for him feels risky and terrifying. “For putting up with me despite everything.”

“Buck, when are you going to get that we’re not ‘putting up with you’? We love you, we care about you, and we don’t want to see our friend, a piece of our family, struggling on his own,” Eddie responds.

Buck gives him a shy, thankful smile at that.

These words they’re telling him are words he’s been wanting to hear for so long now. He is cared about, he is loved, he isn’t just being tolerated, but rather appreciated. A part of him is still worried that a few weeks will go by of them helping him out, and they’ll realise he actually is a burden. Especially Eddie if he’s letting him live with him. Surely he’ll get annoyed with having him around sooner or later.

He may very well be setting himself up for disappointment later by agreeing to do this, but maybe the risk is worth it for what he could get out of it. He could make himself a home with the Diazes until he’s ready to make a home for himself elsewhere. He could go to bed every night feeling safe. He could let his heart heal a little from all the hurt he’s been through and caused himself.

It sounds like it’s worth it. He may not have been ready to accept the help before, but he is now. To a degree at least. He’ll let the people in his life in, let them know he’s been struggling, and let them help hold him up when he feels particularly down.

“I’m going to let you both go a few hours early tonight,” Bobby informs them. “Go home. Buck, get yourself settled at Eddie’s. And Eddie, take care of him for me, would you?”

“Promise I will, Cap,” Eddie swears.

They then go gather their things before the both of them make the drive to 4995 South Bedford Street, Buck’s new home, he supposes. He doesn’t have many belongings, but Eddie insisted on helping him bring it in once they got there, at least all of the stuff that made sense to bring in. 

When they stepped inside, Carla was startled by their appearance, having not expected them until sunrise. Eddie explained the situation to her, which earned Buck a scolding from Carla. 

Yeah, yeah, he gets it, he should have gone to them for help.

The exhaustion he’s feeling must have been obvious on his face because they both seem to silently agree to drop it for now and let him sleep. Buck then starts walking towards the couch, ready to plop down and not get back up until Chris inevitably wakes him up in the morning with his excitement of seeing that Buck was there.

“What are you doing?” 

“Trying to go to sleep,” Buck tells him, voice a little slurred from how tired he is.

“And if you think I’m making you sleep on the couch, you’re sorely mistaken,” Eddie says, pulling at his arm to get him up. “You’ve been through a lot, the least I can do is give you a comfortable place to sleep. You’re going to the bedroom.”

“Eddie, you’re already doing more than you have to. I’m not going to displace you in your own home,” Buck argues.

“You’re not,” Eddie assures. “The bed is big enough for two. You already know that. Just– Come with me, Buck.”

“Are you–”

“Yes, I am sure,” Eddie promises. “I don’t want you out of my sight until I know you’re okay. So, come sleep in our bed for the foreseeable future.”

Blinking a couple times in surprise, Buck nods his head, finally standing up to follow Eddie. 

The next morning, just after Buck finished getting ready, thinking he was going to have to take Chris somewhere for the day like originally planned, he steps into the kitchen to join the other two for breakfast.

Eddie passes him a plate before they all sit down at the table.

“Buck, I didn’t know you were here,” Chris says, mouthful of food. Eddie then reminds him to swallow before talking.

“Buck is actually going to be living with us for a while,” Eddie tells him. “Is that alright?”

The bright excitement in Chris’ eyes warms Buck’s heart immensely. “Really?” He then turns to Buck with a wide smile. “Is this my Christmas gift?”

This is the sweetest kid on the face of the planet, Buck thinks to himself. 

All of this is kind of overwhelming, to be honest. The love he’s so easily receiving from them. First Eddie lets him stay here, and now Chris thinks his presence is a gift. What is he supposed to do with that? Why should he deserve it? He doesn’t, he’s sure, but he’s going to let himself be a little selfish for a while.

“No, Chris, I’ve gotten you a real gift,” Buck tells him. “I’ll give it to you when you open all of your Christmas gifts, okay?” He’ll have to find some time to sneakily buy something for him today while they’re out, because he hasn’t had a chance to since he remembered he was meant to celebrate Christmas too.

Chris nods, mouth too full to respond.

“I was thinking we do a movie marathon today?” Eddie suggests, then takes a bite of his eggs.

Furrowing his brows, Buck can feel the confusion dancing around in his mind. He turns to Eddie to silently ask him what happened to his plans? Eddie just mouths back, don’t worry about it.

If it weren’t for Chris sitting right there, he’d press further. He supposes that’ll have to wait.

“Can I pick the first movie?” Chris asks excitedly.

“‘Course, bud,” Eddie easily agrees, giving him a smile.

After they’re done eating, Chris is quick to rush to the living room to pick out a movie. That leaves Eddie and Buck alone in the kitchen, a perfect chance for them to talk.

“So, what happened to Pepa and your abuela coming over to surprise Chris?” Buck asks, bringing their plates to the sink to wash.

“I explained the situation and cancelled,” Eddie informs, turning the tap on to start washing the first dish.

That pulls a frown out of Buck. “Why the hell would you do that?”

Chris and Eddie’s family is far more important than him, so Buck doesn’t understand why Eddie would ruin Chris’ Christmas surprise for him. He promised he’d watch Chris, and he still can. Now that Bobby knows his situation, he was just thinking he could bring him over there for the night. It was all planned out and fine.

“Relax, Buck.” Eddie rolls his eyes at him. “We just changed plans a little. It’s a surprise, you’ll see.”

“Okay…” He wants to press, but leaves it be anyways. As long as Chris still gets his Christmas surprise, then he supposes it’s okay. “Just promise me you’ll never choose me over Chris.”

“If you think I’d put you ahead of my son, sorry but you’re an idiot.”

Buck should be offended, but really, he’s relieved. “Okay, good.”

“Don’t get me wrong, though,” Eddie continues. “I care about you just as much as him, but he’s my son. He’ll always come first. That doesn’t mean I can’t push less important things aside for a moment if you need me. And right now, you need me, us. So, let’s go have a movie marathon.”

Eddie holds out his hand for Buck to take so that he can guide him towards the couch. Buck supposes the rest of the dishes are going to be left for later, because they did not finish them at all. A movie with them sounds nice though, so he’s not going to say anything about it.

It sucks having to work on Christmas. A few days ago he didn’t care about having to, but now he just wants to spend the day with Eddie and Chris at home. He would have made them brunch after they spent the morning opening gifts. Then help Eddie set up whatever it is that Chris got for gifts. It’d be a whole lovely endeavor.

Instead, he’s having to spend the day watching other people’s Christmases get ruined by whatever it is that made it so they need to call emergency services. Really, it’s kind of a bummer, makes it harder to feel joyous.

Since he got around to thinking about getting gifts so damn late, he never did find the time to run out and grab them. The last couple days Chris and Eddie insisted that he spend the whole day with them, and Buck just couldn’t say no.

But since he didn’t get anything for anyone, he made sure to approach anyone he thought might have gotten him something and told them to just return it. It’d be unfair for him to receive anything when he had nothing to give. Everyone already does too much for him, and he already feels indebted to them because of it.

Them being them, they all told him it was no big deal; it’s fine, they know he’s had a really tough year, and just want to give him something to put a smile on his face at the end of it. They didn’t do it expecting something in return, instead simply just because they love him.

It doesn’t help Buck feel any better though. It just makes him realise that he was a selfish asshole who didn’t even consider buying gifts for the people he loves. He should have been better, done better. Which is exactly why he made sure to insist that they don’t give any gifts to him. He doesn’t deserve their kindness.

Reluctantly, they all ended up agreeing. Buck let out a sigh of relief. In a weird way, that made him feel better.

Of course he feels the worst about not getting anything for Chris. He already told him he had, and now he’s going to have to break his little heart and say that he was a liar. Or maybe he can convince Eddie to stop on the way home from shift in the morning so that he can get something. Eddie didn’t discuss when they were going to be opening gifts, so he just sort of assumes it’ll be tomorrow morning.

It’s only been a couple days since Eddie found out about his living situation. Given that yesterday they spent the whole day with Chris, and it’s Christmas today at the station, they haven’t exactly had much alone time. Which means that there’s conversations they haven’t had yet that probably need to be had.

He just knows that there’s things Eddie wants to say to him. He can see it in his eyes when he catches him glancing over at him. A conversation is inevitable, just lurking around the corner.

Not just with him, with everyone. Since Eddie and Bobby know now, he thinks it’s only fair the information makes its way to everyone else. It’ll happen whether he wants it to or not, truth be told. As soon as someone else hears he moved into Eddie’s place, they’ll know. He just wants to be able to explain it himself.

After the holidays though. 

He’ll spend this week with Eddie and Chris, then jump back into reality in the new year. No need to stress anyone out during what’s supposed to be a good way to end the year. His problems can wait, he’s not all that important at the end of the day. They should all just focus on their families in the meantime.

As the day passes by, they are kept busy with calls. Thankfully not too frequent, and nothing too heavy for what should be a joyous day. So they’re in a pretty good mood still as dinner time is starting to approach.

Unfortunately for them, just as Buck was invited to start helping Bobby with the cooking, they were pulled out to a call. It would have been nice to have some time to enjoy Christmas dinner without any interruption, but it’s looking like that probably won’t be the case. When the food is done, it’s likely the alarm will go off again before they can eat it. It’s just always how it seems to go for them.

The call wasn’t an incredibly long one, thankfully. It was a false alarm, which is always ideal, even if it can be frustrating, given that they went all that way. They’re happy everyone is safe though, and a bunch of merry Christmases are passed around before they could head back to the station.

When they arrive, Eddie tells them they should all make their way upstairs. It gets a few confused, but intrigued looks, but they all do as requested.

And as they’re approaching the top of the stairs, it becomes clear why Eddie told them to all find their way up there. There’s decorations all over, more than what was there before, and a group of their loved ones all standing there waiting to greet them.

“Surprise! Merry Christmas!” They all cheer, happily, pulling grins from the whole team.

Chris rushes over to hug Eddie and wish him a merry Christmas before doing the same to Buck. 

“Merry Christmas, bud,” Buck replies, smiling fondly at him.

Looking over, Buck sees Maddie watching the interaction with a smile on her face as she’s standing next to Chimney.

Apparently Eddie had planned this all out after choosing to move things around so that Buck could have some time to relax at home after everything. He wanted to surprise both Chris and him, and Buck couldn’t be happier with how the day turned out because of it. It’s good for all of them, having all of their family there with them today. 

Eddie of course had to get Bobby on board, which was easy, Bobby is always down for a good family meal. It was just finding a way to get everyone out of the station at the right time that was difficult. The call was fake apparently, and dispatch was aware of that. Maddie was in charge of getting them on board with that.

Of course if there were a real emergency, then they’d have sent them out to it instead, but it worked out great and completely according to plan surprisingly.

As they’re sitting down, eating the dinner Eddie’s tía and abuela made and brought over, Buck leans over to Eddie to whisper, “Thank you for this, I think I really needed something like this.”

“We all did,” Eddie replies with a soft smile.

After dinner, the kids insisted that they open presents right away. It’s fair, after all they did wait all day patiently when most kids get to wake up and open gifts first thing in the morning. 

Guilt takes over Buck, remembering that since they’re opening gifts today, he won’t be able to pick something up on the way home tomorrow for Chris. He really is going to disappoint him after all.

Eddie must see the sad look on his face, because he leans over to tell him, “I put your name on a couple of the gifts I got him. Don’t worry about it.”

Turning to face Eddie with a surprised expression, he replies, “What? No, you can’t do that!”

“And why not?” Eddie raises a brow at him.

“Because I didn’t get them for him. You should get all the credit,” he explains.

“You’ve had a rough year, Buck. I know you would have spent the money you need for yourself on him and everyone else, but you don’t have to. We’d rather you took care of yourself instead. It’s okay,” Eddie assures. “Besides, most of the gifts I got him were things you gave me ideas for anyway.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Eddie promises, just in time for Chris to rush over holding a small box. 

“This is for you, Buck!” He excitedly tells him, holding it out for him.

Tentatively, Buck reaches out, grabbing it as he glances over to Eddie, almost like he’s asking if that’s okay. Eddie fondly rolls his eyes at him before nodding.

“Thank you, Chris,” Buck appreciates before starting to unwrap it.

Opening it, Buck sees a homemade bead bracelet. Pulling it out, he inspects it further, seeing that it has his name on it with beads that all use different fonts. He absolutely loves it.

“We were making friendship bracelets at school, and I wanted to make one for you, because you are my best friend, Buck,” Chris explains with a wide grin, looking proud of his creation.

“I am going to cherish this forever and always,” Buck tells him, already putting it on. “Thank you, I love it so much. It’s perfect.”

Chris then rolls up his sleeve to show a matching one. “Now we match.”

Buck has to actively stop himself from tearing up at the sweet gesture. He really does love this kid so much.

Eddie must notice him getting emotional, because he grabs his hand, giving it a light squeeze. It’s comforting and grounding for sure. Buck needed that.

“Do you want to see what Buck got you?” Eddie asks, getting up to go grab one of the gifts Eddie stuck Buck’s name on as Chris excitedly nods his head.

This will be a surprise to Buck too, because he has no idea what’s in that box right now. Either way, he can’t wait to see that smile on Chris’ face when he opens it. He still feels bad that he didn’t pick something out himself, but he just decides that next year he’ll get him something super awesome and probably expensive to make up for it.

In the background everyone else is chatting away and opening gifts of their own. Pepa and Eddie’s abuela make their way over to watch Chris open his gifts though.

After a few of the presents have been opened, Athena approaches Buck. “All this giving has reminded me that I’ve got something for you,” she says, passing over a duffle bag to Buck. It’s familiar to him, but he doubts it’s one of the same ones that got stolen from him. That’d be impossible, right?

Still, he unzips it, looking inside. Once he gets a good look at what the bag holds he immediately starts tearing up as he hugs Athena so tightly in appreciation. Inside is all of the sentimental things he lost a while back. All the drawings from Chris, the photo of Maddie and him as a kid, his acceptance letter for the fire academy, everything.

“This is the best Christmas gift anyone could have gotten me, thank you, Athena,” he says before pulling away and wiping the tears from his eyes. “How’d you even get this?”

“I was going through some evidence at work and recognized that the stuff inside belonged to you,” she explains nonchalantly, like it isn’t repairing one of the many holes his heart seems to have these days.

Eddie walks up beside him, looking curious. “What’s inside?”

Buck opens to show him. “All my most prized possessions.” He then pulls out a card that Chris made for him last Christmas. “Seriously, Athena I don’t think I could ever thank you enough.”

“You don’t need to thank me for anything, really I was just doing my job. I’m glad I could get this back to you, especially after everything.” She then turns to Eddie. “You taking good care of him at home?”

Eddie nods with a slight chuckle. “I promise I am.”

“Good.”

Chris spots them talking and walks over. “Are you sad, Buck? You’re crying.”

“Not sad,” he promises. “These are happy tears. I’m very happy right now.”

“Okay, good, because you are not allowed to be sad on Christmas,” Chris tells him. “It’s against the rules.”

“It is, is it?” Eddie says, amused, and Chris confidently nods yes.

When B-shift starts making their way in to relieve A-shift in the morning, Ryan approaches him, looking a little anxious. His hands are fidgeting a lot, and he really looks like he’s trying to psych himself up to do something.

“You good, Ryan?” Buck asks as he’s tying up his non-work shoes.

He nods. “I just– Can I talk to you privately?”

Buck figures this has something to do with the secret he shared with him the other day, so he agrees to it. A good opportunity to tell him he told Bobby and Eddie, he supposes. They walk outside, walking towards the side of the building.

“Okay, so you know how I’m keeping a secret for you? Can you keep a secret for me?” He asks, and suddenly Buck is intrigued. He assumed that maybe he accidentally told someone about him living in his Jeep and was just anxious to admit that to Buck. He would have understood and been fine with it of course.

But no, this has something to do with Ryan instead. That’s nice, he’s sort of tired of being the one always talked about these days. 

“Yeah, of course. I’m here for you, man,” Buck assures.

For a moment it looks like Ryan is trying to hype himself up to say whatever it is that he wants to say, then he blurts out, “I think I’m gay.”

“Oh.” 

He was not expecting that. Ryan just had a baby with his wife that he married this year. Not that gay people can’t do that and realise after, it’s just a surprise is all. Plus, he’s… He just seemed straight. But then again, he thought he was straight until Cole kissed him, so it’s obvious that he’s not great at detecting these things.

“I– Look, I just didn’t know who else to talk to, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer,” Ryan says a little frantically. He’s got one hand gripping his other arm anxiously, and if Buck had to guess he’s squeezing it tight enough for it to hurt a little. “I like to think we’re friends now, but we’re not as close as I am with all my other friends, so it felt less scary to tell you.”

It may be selfish, but it does make himself feel better knowing that other people have their own shit they’re going through too. Life is complicated and difficult for other people as well. It’s comforting to know.

“I’m glad you told me,” Buck says. “What, uh– What made you realise?”

Ryan sighs sadly. “A lot of things. I– I’ve just never really been interested in women like I think I was supposed to be. I thought I was just broken for a really long time and just did my best. But… then I realised I think I’m in love with my best friend,” he admits. “It’s so different with him, and it just– It feels so nice and real, not like I’m having to play this role I was forced into.”

It sucks hearing his friend think that there was something wrong with himself and just needed to suck it up and pretend like he wasn’t struggling. (His friends think the same about him in regards to his scenario, but he doesn’t realise the mirrored connection.) He feels grateful that he never had any negative feelings regarding his own sexuality like that. He can’t imagine how rough that’d be.

“Carter?” As far as Buck’s aware, that’s Ryan’s best friend. It’s who is constantly glued to his side most of the time anyway.

Ryan nods with an almost sad look on his face. “Yeah.”

Buck smiles at him. He’s always loved love, and now that he thinks about it, during all those visits to the station during B-shift rotations, he definitely saw the way both Ryan and Carter looked at each other. They definitely looked at each other like they hung the stars and the moon for one another. Thinking about it now, he can see that it’s love in their expressions. He just didn’t think much of it because it’s similar to how he looks at– 

Oh god.

That’s a crisis for later.

“I think you should tell him,” Buck suggests, trying his best to ignore that bombshell of a realisation. Surely there’s some sort of difference between the looks, right? He’s just playing up in his head, right?

He can’t be in love with Eddie. Eddie’s straight. Right?

Ryan goes wide-eyed. “What?! Are you crazy? No, I’m not doing that!”

Buck just shrugs. They’ll probably get there eventually. “Maybe you should tell your wife first though.”

“I have a feeling she already knows,” he admits. “But we just had a baby, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to split up this happy family. Wouldn’t it be better for our son if I just stuck it out?”

Buck shakes his head. 

“No, it wouldn’t. It’d be better for you to show him examples of being your true self and being happy. You’d be miserable if you stayed and didn’t love your wife like that. It wouldn’t be a ‘happy family’. But you could continue loving her as a friend if you don’t drag this out until the point you start to resent her because she’s not what you want. I’m sure you and Anna will be great co-parents. You’ll figure it out, man.”

“I know you’re right, I’m just– I’m scared, dude.” He runs a hand down his face.

“And that’s okay. You don’t have to come out tomorrow, or anything. It’s okay to give yourself space to figure this out on your own until you’re ready to share it,” Buck advises, using what Maddie said to him when he came out to her. It was nice to hear when he was panicking, maybe it’ll help him too.

“It just feels like I’m lying to everyone,” Ryan confesses.

“Trust me, I know the feeling, but it’s different.”

“You…?”

“Not gay, I’m bi, but just only recently learned that about myself. I’ve only told two people,” he explains. “Or maybe three. Guess the guy I dated counts towards that number, huh?” He chuckles as he thinks about it. “Your situation is tougher than mine, I can’t lie. You’re married with a kid. But trust me, I’ve seen the good side that comes after figuring that all out and being your true self from other people in my life. Everything will work itself out eventually,” he promises.

“Thank you, Buck,” Ryan appreciates. “I really needed this conversation. I was spiraling like crazy. Especially yesterday. All I wanted to do was spend Christmas with Carter. With Anna and our kid too of course. I do still love them, obviously. But I wanted him over, to have breakfast together, open gifts. I felt so guilty that just Anna didn’t feel like enough.”

“Maybe some time we can go for drinks and talk about it some more if you want.” He knows Ryan really should be heading back into the station by now. Captain Juarez doesn’t appreciate late comers. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Ryan agrees.

“And by the way, I told Eddie and Bobby about my living situation,” Buck tells him. “But thanks to your confession just now, I’ve realised I’m now living with my straight best friend that I also have feelings for apparently. So thanks for that,” he says with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Ryan chuckles at his misfortune. “Shit man, sorry. Good luck with all that. Those drinks sound real nice right about now, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” Buck agrees with a chuckle. “We’re definitely meeting up outside of work sometime soon and talking about all of this.”

“I’m looking forward to it, Buckley. And hey, I’m glad you told them. You deserve to be helped.” Ryan then makes his way inside, looking a little lighter on his feet than before, and Buck is glad he could be of any help. 

Buck, on the other hand, goes to find Eddie so that they can go home.

“There you are, I was looking everywhere for you,” Eddie says once he spots him. “Ready to go home?”

Looking at him, Buck can see so easily why he loves him. It’s bizarre he missed it before. “Yeah, I’m ready to go home.”

Even if Eddie could ever like him back, he knows now isn’t the best time for him to jump into anything, but maybe some day he can be lucky enough to have that. But Eddie is straight, and even if he wasn’t, why would he ever like him? Eddie could probably pull literally anyone he wanted.

No use in fretting about it though, he supposes. Nothing he can do about it.

Eddie had traveled to the bedroom to wind down and relax a while ago, and Buck figures he’s probably already asleep. They had spent the whole day with Chris doing fun family things to make up for not being home for Christmas day, which Buck is grateful for. For many reasons really.

Getting to play pretend with them, to see what it’d be like to really be a part of their family is one of his greatest joys. He can’t even delve into how sad it is that it’s just fake and temporary, because if he spends enough time with them, his bad thoughts just seem to drift away for a while.

But it also meant getting to avoid having any serious or personal conversations with Eddie all day. He thinks he can hide his feelings for him alright. They will be there, bright and strong. That’s fine, he’ll just embrace it, knowing nothing will ever actually come from it, no matter how much he wants it to turn into something. It’s just that loving Eddie isn’t a chore, something to worry about. It’s a gift, really. He loves Eddie and he’s lucky to have the privilege of knowing him well enough to have been able to develop these feelings.

It’s everything else that he never wants to talk about again. He knows Eddie though. He’s going to want to get into his head, learn about why he made the decisions he did, and why he felt like he had to. Really he’s just going to be trying to find a way to solve Buck’s problems for him, cure him of the ails the world gives him.

He’s a good friend, he just wants to help.

Buck, however, still doesn’t quite think he deserves all of that. He definitely doesn’t deserve Eddie opening up his house to him. He’s selfishly glad he did though, he loves it here so much, and already doesn’t want to leave. He knows he’ll have to eventually. He can’t play pretend forever. 

So, because of all of that, he chose to wait until it was late enough for Eddie to have been asleep before he finally made his way over to the room to join him. Carefully, he pushes the door open, not wanting to wake Eddie back up, then steps inside.

“Were you trying to avoid me?” Eddie asks pretty much as soon as Buck walks in, startling him slightly. He does note that he can hear the sleepiness in his tone despite the surprise though. Eddie must have been waiting up for him.

Of course he would.

“Uh, totally thought you’d be asleep by now,” he says in lieu of an answer.

Eddie takes it as one anyway. 

“I’m not going to force you to talk if you don’t want to, Buck. I just want to listen if you want someone to talk to. I want to be here for you. If pushing you to talk is just going to push you further away, then I won’t do it. I don’t want to scare you away. I want you to want to talk to me. When you do, I’ll be here.”

Buck just nods, and climbs into bed beside him.

“Not tonight, but maybe soon.”

“I can work with that,” Eddie hums, turning onto his side to face Buck. “You’ve seemed happier these past couple days. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you seem more like yourself. And that is the best Christmas gift I could have gotten this year.”

Buck smiles softly at him but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what he could say to that. It’s a lot of feelings, and Buck’s are all over the place constantly these days. So quiet seems like the safer bet. Eddie doesn’t seem to mind though, just smiles fondly back. 

“Get some sleep, Buck.”

“Night, Eddie.”

It’s a little late, given that Christmas was two days ago, but Buck wanted to stop by Maddie’s place and give her the gift he has for her this morning. Plus, with everything going on with the both of them, they haven’t exactly spent a whole lot of time together lately. He misses his sister. So any excuse to stop by seems like a good thing.

She’s not expecting him, but despite not always taking her up on it, he knows he’s always welcome to come over. So he knocks on her apartment door and waits for either her or Chimney to open it.

It’s Chimney who does.

“Hey, Buck.”

“Uh, this is for you.” He passes over a small wrapped box. “It’s not much, but I wanted to say thank you for being a good friend this year, even if I made it difficult at times.” He lets out a small chuckle, feeling bad about how some of the year went.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, but I appreciate it, Buck,” Chimney replies, opening the gift. It’s just a new copy of Die Hard, because he complained the other day that the copy he has had some issues when trying to play the movie. “Just what I needed, thank you.” He gives him a quick hug.

Just then, Maddie steps into the room.

“Look, honey, I know what movie we’re watching today,” Chimney says with a wide grin, holding it up for her to see.

She fondly shakes her head. “Okay.”

“I got something for you too, Mads,” Buck tells her, passing her the other gift in his hand.

“You really didn’t have to, Buck,” she says, but she accepts the gift anyway.

“I know,” Buck says. “But you guys all gave me gifts, even after I told you to return them, so I just wanted to say thanks. Again, it’s not much, but I wanted to give you something at least.”

Her gift is just the photo he had of the two of them as kids, framed nicely. He knows she has nothing from back when they were kids, so he thinks he can spare this so she can have a nice little family photo at home. 

“I didn’t know you had this,” she says, looking at the photo with a nice sort of fond nostalgia that doesn’t often come when they think about their childhoods.

“When I ran out of the house before I left, I grabbed it without really thinking,” he explains with a shrug.

“Thank you, Buck.” She pulls him into a tight hug for a moment.

“I was just about to run out and pick up something for breakfast, we’re low on groceries at the moment, want me to pick up something for you?” Chimney asks, and Buck shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten?” He asks, re-wording his question in a way.

“No, but–”

“I’m getting you something, but since you want to be stubborn, it’ll be a surprise,” he says before stepping out the door.

“So, I see you’re still refusing to let others help you or give you things simply because they care about you,” Maddie points out, walking towards her couch. Buck follows, sitting next to her.

He takes a deep breath. “About that… I, uh– I moved into Eddie’s place.”

Maddie furrows her brows, but mostly just in a curious way. “How come? I mean, I’m glad to hear it. I like knowing you’ll have someone close enough to watch over you a little.”

Buck chews on his bottom lip anxiously for a moment. He has to tell her, he knows he does, but he’s definitely nervous about it.

“He found out I’d been living in my Jeep recently, and obviously he wouldn’t let me keep doing that.” His voice is quiet, not quite a whisper, but also not normal speaking volume. It feels easier that way.

Looking at her, Buck sees a sad expression wash over Maddie’s features, and he immediately regrets ruining the mood. A tear rolls down her cheek, and she wipes it away before she says, “Then I’m extra glad you have him. But you have me too, you know. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You told me you were scared of having to go back to living in your Jeep, that you hated living like that before. Were you already doing that then?”

Buck nods minutely. “Yeah, I moved out of my loft just before that.”

“How come?” The words are soft spoken, and he can’t find a trace of judgement, just the fact that she’s sad for him. She’s his big sister, of course she’d be sad to find this out. He is sort of surprised she’s not displaying her emotions as much as he’s sure she’s really feeling. Maybe it’s for his sake, her trying to protect him a little.

“Medical bills became too much, and I wasn’t making any money. I just– I screwed up. I kept doing the wrong thing, and in turn I gave myself no other choice,” he explains, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie.

“But you did have a choice, Buck,” she points out. “None of us would have left you to drown like that. We’d have all chipped in to help you. Whether that have been money, or a place to stay. Anything but what you actually went through and chose to do.”

“I know,” Buck tells her. “I just don’t deserve any of that. Any of this. I don’t understand why any of you want to help me in the first place.” He can hear it in his tone, the way his words are turning overly emotional.

“I know you’re having a hard time believing it right now, Buck, but we all love you so, so much,” she reaffirms. Buck thinks he’ll be hearing a lot of that for a while. “We’d do anything for you. You are enough as you are. You don’t have to do anything to earn the love we have for you. You don’t have to have anything to give in return for someone to help you. You deserve so much more than you could ever think you do. Buck, you have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen, and you give until you have nothing left, but now it’s time for you to even it out by receiving every once in a while.”

Now Buck definitely finds himself crying ever so slightly as he hears Maddie talk. He wipes the tears away and nods. He doesn’t entirely believe everything she’s saying, but it’s nice to hear regardless.

“I should have paid more attention, maybe I’d have seen this,” she blames herself sadly.

Buck shakes his head. “No, not your fault. Promise me you won’t blame yourself. My choices are mine. Eddie point blank asked me one day, and I still came up with a lie to steer him away from finding out. I didn’t want anyone to ever find out.”

“How did Eddie find out then?”

Buck chuckles softly. “I ended up telling him.”

Maddie seems to relax a little bit at that. “You reached out and asked for help yourself?” Buck nods in confirmation. “Good. I’m glad. Do that more, please. So, who else knows? Have you told anyone else?”

“Cole knew, but then I panicked and broke up with him,” Buck tells her.

“What? But you seemed so happy with him.”

“I was, but I think you can agree that I’m in no place to date right now,” Buck tells her. “I need to focus on me for a little bit.”

“I actually do agree with you on that.”

“Besides, I’m into someone else now,” he says, grinning, which might look a little silly with the teary eyes he’s sporting. 

“Wait who?!” She questions with intrigue.

Buck ignores her, just chuckles before answering her original question. “I also told Ryan from the B-shift one night when I had to sleep at the station because my car got towed.”

“Why didn’t you come here!” She scolds.

“You and Chim had plans,” he explains. “It’s fine. I stayed at the station the first night, then at Bobby and Athena’s for a couple nights after that before I could get my Jeep back. I was safe, promise.” He doesn’t tell her about how he originally tried sleeping on a park bench, because that’d do nothing but worry her. He’s already done enough of that, little secrets can stay secret.

“What about them, do they know?”

“Bobby and Athena?” Buck asks, and Maddie nods. “Yeah. Well, I told Bobby, and I’m sure he told Athena. Though, if I hadn’t told them that night, then they would have found out the next day anyway. Apparently Bobby had his suspicions and was gonna ask Athena to trail me to confirm.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I like knowing that so many people are looking out for you,” Maddie says. “But it’d be easier if you just let them, instead of making them do wild goose chases just to make sure you’re safe.”

“I know, and I’m working on it.”

“Good,” she says, then, “Other than all of that, how are you doing? I’ve been a little– Okay, that’s an understatement. I’ve been very worried about your mental health lately. Be honest with me, are you okay?”

Buck shrugs. He thinks that’s the most honest answer he can give. “You’re not the only one worried. I mean you know Bobby made me start going to therapy. I never told you why though.”

“Do you think you could share that with me?” She prompts, but is being respectful of his privacy if he wants to keep it. She must feel comfortable enough knowing Buck has talked to others about it, and is now in a safer living situation, just overall doing a little bit better, to not press too hard on the topic.

“Eddie called me the other day, and I was sitting on the ledge of a bridge,” he starts, but before he could continue, Maddie gasps.

“Buck,” she says sadly, looking up at him with such worry in her eyes.

“I promise I wasn’t going to jump.” He just hopes she can believe that. “But I was almost hoping something would push me. I’m tired, Mads, and I don’t know how everyone does this. I’m terrified I’m going to screw up again. I don’t want to hurt anybody. I just– I want to be loved, and I want to be able to love back. That’s all I want.”

Maddie is full-on crying now. Buck feels bad, but this is a conversation they needed to have.

“If you ever find yourself feeling like that again, call me. I don’t care what your damn brain is telling you, I always want to be there for you. You aren’t a burden on me, but you dying is not something I plan on ever living through, you hear me?”

Buck nods, wiping at his own tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Promise me, Buck.”

“I promise.”

“I think I owe Eddie a gift basket for making sure you got home safe,” she jokes tearfully, and Buck chuckles slightly. “I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I know it’s mostly not my fault, but I’m sorry anyways. I love you, and I just want you to be okay.”

“I love you too, Mads,” Buck says back. “And I think living with Eddie is going to help me get to a place where I am okay eventually.”

Before Maddie could say anything else, the door swings open, and Chimney walks in. His expression as he spots them nearly makes Buck laugh. He looks like a deer in headlights.

“I walked in on something,” he said, frozen on the spot.

“It’s okay,” Buck assures. “I was just telling Maddie why I moved in with Eddie.”

“You moved in with Eddie?”

Buck nods. “Long story, but the short version is I was living in my Jeep and he found out. Now can we just eat breakfast and watch some ‘Die Hard’?”

Both Maddie and Chimney agree to that, and that’s how they end up spending the rest of their morning.

“How was Maddie’s?” Eddie asks as soon as he walks in the front door.

“Good. I told her everything,” Buck answers. “Then we watched Die Hard.”

Eddie smiles at him. “So Chim liked the gift?”

“Very much so.”

They continue chatting, and Buck doesn’t miss how Eddie doesn’t press him any further for any more information. Buck appreciates it a lot, but he doesn’t want Eddie to feel afraid to ask him things, or to want to have specific conversations with him.

So he offers it to him instead. He goes into deep detail about parts of his past that he usually never talks about. He tells Eddie about what was going on in his head when he made the decisions he did. He talked about how lonely he felt while he was recovering, and how scared he was during the lawsuit, thinking that he might have lost them forever. The truth behind his breakup with Cole.

Everything.

At least anything relevant.

He spills his heart out to him, and they both let out plenty of tears, but it’s good. Buck feels much lighter, and despite hearing all the shitty parts, Eddie seems like he’s relieved. Afterall, Buck letting him in is a good sign. He’s accepting the help he so desperately tried pushing away for months now.

This isn’t just going to magically make the thoughts go away. He’s already feeling guilty for laying this all on Eddie, especially when he’s already opened his home up to him. But maybe if he keeps listening to what everyone is telling him, then maybe one day he can get to a point where he starts to believe it.

For now he’ll take doubting his thoughts a little. At least it’s a step in the right direction. He thinks his therapist would be proud. He’ll tell her at his appointment tomorrow.

In return for being so open and honest, Eddie chooses to do the same. He tells Buck things he swears have never left his lips before. He also tells him about his recent fighting that he did. Apparently Bobby already knew and Eddie chose not to tell Buck because he knew he’d just worry and he had enough on his plate. Buck, however, made him promise to not hide things from him just because he’s going through something himself. He wants to be able to be there for him too. 

Caring is a two way street.

At least that’s what he’s coming to learn. 

Afterwards, Buck is feeling quite exhausted from the emotional day he’s been having, and decided he needed a nap. Eddie chose to join, which didn’t surprise Buck. What did was Eddie opening his arms open like he wanted Buck to come cuddle with him.

“Are you sure? We don’t normally–”

Eddie cuts him off. “Just come ‘ere,” he insists, and Buck gives in, tucking in close to Eddie. “You can relax, you know.”

Buck snorts out a small huff of a laugh, but tries his best to loosen the tension in his muscles. This is nice, he thinks to himself. He could live in Eddie’s arms forever and never have any reason to complain about anything again.

“There’s one last thing I didn’t tell you,” Eddie admits into the quiet of the room, speaking at a volume that feels appropriate for this moment.

“Hmm?” Buck hums, already nearly asleep.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Eddie,” Buck replies, mumbling a little as he tries to get more comfortable to sleep.

“I–” Eddie starts, and Buck can feel him shake his head before he says, “Nevermind. I’ll tell you when you’re more awake.”

Then it hits Buck, what Eddie meant. He jolts up to look at him.

“You love me?” He questions. “Like love? Or love?

“Like I want to kiss you until your mind quiets enough to accept that I’m never leaving your side,” is what Eddie replies with.

“Yeah, uh– Yeah, you can do that,” Buck says, nodding.

Eddie smiles at him softly. 

“I don’t want to rush into anything though,” he admits. “You’re not in a good place right now, and I don’t want to take away from your healing. So I’m not going anywhere, but I think we should put this on hold for a little while. Work up to it when we’re both ready. Because I have to admit, I’m not ready for this myself. I’ve got a ton of internalized shit I’ve got to work through first.”

“That’s more than okay, Eds,” Buck assures. Just knowing someone as great as Eddie could possibly love him feels like more than enough.

“But I wanted to tell you now, despite how terrified I was to do so, because it absolutely breaks my heart to see you think you’re not loved. Buck, I love you so much, and it’s important to me that you know that.”

“I appreciate you saying all this,” Buck tells him, giving him a warm smile. “I know none of that must have been easy to say. So thank you. You didn’t have to, but it is nice to hear.”

Internally he has a lot of thoughts going on, ones that are way less calm than what he’s saying out loud. Eddie loves him. That’s a fact apparently. He wants to press further so badly. To ask for details and specifics, but he can tell from the slightly stressed out expression on Eddie’s face, that he’s having a hard time saying just this. So he lets him only say what he wants to let out for now.

One day down the line he’ll get to know the answers. For now this is beyond more than enough.

“Look, I’m not going to ask you to wait for me, or whatever,” Eddie says, giving Buck a sad smile. “I can’t tell you how long it’ll be before I am ready, and I don’t want you to put finding someone that makes you happy on pause.”

Buck shakes his head with a soft grin. “I’d wait forever for you, Eddie. Even if all I get is knowing you love me, and having you as a friend, that’s more than enough. When you’re ready, we can give this a try, but for now, just know I love you too, and I am yours already, okay?”

“Okay.” Eddie gives him a shy grin. “But if you ever change your mind, I won’t be mad at you for it.”

“I won’t, but okay.”

“Now let’s get some sleep,” Eddie suggests, and Buck yawns in perfect timing.

“Can two friends who love each other still cuddle?” Buck asks.

Eddie nods. “Yeah, they definitely can.”

“Hey, Buck,” Hen greets as he walks into the station. “You look like you’re doing better.”

“How so?” He asks.

“You walked in with a smile. Can’t remember the last time you started a shift like that,” she says, looking at him with a pleased grin on herself.

That might have something to do with the fact that he’s been living with Eddie for three weeks now. It’s been great so far. He truly loves living with them. Plus, the security he feels knowing he has a safe place to retreat to at the end of the day is nice.

It’s not been entirely smooth sailing though. Just over a week after he moved in, he got accepted to rent a small studio apartment and he immediately told Eddie he was going to take it. It seemed like the obvious choice. He’d be out of his hair, and still have a place to live. If he just kept expenses tight, he could have afforded it. 

Eddie had strong opinions on the matter, however, which led to an argument between them.

In the end Buck’s glad Eddie wouldn’t let him leave. He thinks Eddie is glad he stayed too. He still sort of looks at him like he’s worried he’s going to disappear from right in front of him. Buck really scared him, and he feels awful about it, but Eddie has assured him many times over that he’d rather tell him all the ugly truths than hide them from him any longer.

He really has been trying to be more open and honest about his feelings and thoughts, it’s just not always easy. Eddie is patient though. Far more than what Buck feels he deserves. His therapist disagrees with him, saying that he’s allowed to have people care about him and show it. He’s allowed to accept it too.

“Guess therapy’s been working,” he responds with a shrug. 

It’s not a lie, he’s been going twice a week for the last three weeks, and it’s helping a lot. Especially now that he’s being more open and honest with his therapist. He knows he still has a long way to go though.

“Good. Make sure you keep up with it, ‘cause we all just want you to feel better,” she says, nudging him lightly.

“Yeah, I want that too,” he agrees as he walks into the locker room to put his stuff away, joining Eddie. 

“Thanks for driving Chris to school this morning,” Eddie appreciates.

Eddie had to swing by his abuela’s house this morning so that he could drive her to the airport because she’s visiting Texas for a couple weeks. But considering the time restraint of having to drive there, he wasn’t able to drive both her and Chris, so Buck offered. It’s the least he could have done given that Eddie is letting him stay at their house for free. At least until Buck has his financial situation just a little more in control, because he refuses not to help with costs completely.

It’s why he’s been buying all the groceries before Eddie even has a chance to. That was also an argument starter, but eventually Eddie relented.

“You know I’d never say no to spending my morning with him.” Buck shoves his bag into his locker.

“Aren’t you supposed to be helping Bobby make breakfast?” Eddie asks, and Buck nods as he shuts the door.

“Yup, I’ll make sure to give you an extra slice of bacon,” Buck tells him as he rushes out the room to go upstairs.

They made omelets with a side of bacon, nothing too fancy, but Bobby let Buck do most of the work, complimenting how he’s getting much better at cooking. The better he gets at it, the more he enjoys it too. He even asked Eddie’s tía and his abuela to help him learn how to make some Mexican recipes so that he can treat Eddie with it.

Of course they happily agreed to do so. It’s what he’s doing this weekend, and he’s really looking forward to it.

After the food was done being made, Bobby helped him set the table for everyone. Buck then waited anxiously to see if they all approved of his cooking. They did, handing over compliments, getting a proud grin to form on Buck’s face.

Today’s a good day, he thinks.

Not every day lately has been a good day, most having not been, but today is, and for once he actually feels quite glad that he’s himself, living the life he has. 

He’s talked to his therapist, told her how he wishes he could magically re-wire his brain to stop thinking the way it does all the time. She said everyone wishes that to be true, but the effort of working to make yourself feel better is totally worth it; saying that one day he’ll look back on all this and think to himself that it felt like another lifetime. That he’ll be proud of himself.

Hopefully that’s true.

When breakfast is done, Buck starts gathering everyone’s plates. Eddie and Hen step in to take over though, insisting that they do it. You cooked, so you don’t clean, they tell him.

But as the alarm rings out through the station, it’s decided that none of them will be cleaning for the time being.

Arriving on scene, they make their way upstairs to the apartment they were called to. From what it sounds like, it seems to be some sort of sex mishap that led to some sort of injury. Apparently the caller was a little shy on the details, so they don’t know much.

These calls are always entertaining in one way or another so he’s looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

Bobby knocks on the door, hoping for a response so that they don’t have to force the door open. Buck wouldn’t mind though, he finds that fun. However, a man, who clearly just hastily threw on some clothes given that his shirt is both inside out and backwards, opens the door.

“Thank you for coming.” He’s got a worried expression on his face. “He’s over here.”

As they start walking, Bobby asks, “Do you mind telling me what happened?”

“We were, uh…” He whispers this next part. “Having sex.” Then he continues speaking like normal. “Against the fridge. And I dropped him.” He’s got a tint of rosy embarrassment on his cheeks and a scrunched up face, clearly feeling awful about it.

Probably not the first time that’s happened to someone, Buck assumes. 

As they turn the corner towards the kitchen, Buck accidentally lets out a surprised laugh when he sees who it is laying on the floor in pain.

Immediately Bobby turns to him with furrowed brows. “Buck,” he scolds.

“Oh my god, this is fucking mortifying,” Cole says, groaning, covering his face with his hands.

He’s laying there, obviously naked, but there’s a kitchen towel draped over his waist for some decency. Buck thinks it’s hilarious, and he’s so glad the roles aren’t reversed. He’d rather not be the one in Cole’s shoes here.

“I am so sorry for his inappropriate behaviour,” Bobby apologises on Buck’s behalf.

“I was just surprised, is all,” Buck says a little sheepishly, still unable to contain the amused grin on his face, and Eddie looks over at him with a curious expression.

“Trust me, me if anyone is surprised here, it’s me.”

Hen and Chimney then step closer to check his potential injuries. 

“What’s your name?” Hen kindly asks.

He coughs slightly awkwardly before letting out, “Uh, Cole.”

Eddie snaps his head back in Buck’s direction, clearly having put two and two together. “Oh my god, this is amazing.” He turns to face Cole again. “You’re Cole?”

“That I am,” Cole says, once again hiding his face behind his hands, clearly distraught by this scenario.

“You two know each other?” Cole’s…? Buck isn’t sure what they are to each other, asks.

“Matthew, this is Buck, Buck this is Matthew,” Cole introduces. “Now can we get me the fuck out of here before I lose any more dignity?”

“Hey, I’m not judging.” Buck holds his hands up like he’s surrendering. “Sometimes fun has its risks. C’mon, you know I–” He stops himself before he can say too much.

“Like to be a little freaky sometimes?” Cole supplies, because he doesn’t want to hog all the embarrassment to himself. “Yeah, and you were a bad influence, because now here I am.”

Buck turns bright red at that. Yup, that’s one way to tell the team he’s not straight. In Cole’s defense, he didn’t know Buck wasn’t out. He’s fine with it though, this is kind of funny, if he’s being honest with himself.

“Oh, you’re his ex!” Matthew finally realises, making it obvious if anyone else didn’t pick up on it already. “I didn’t know your name, but I knew you were a firefighter.”

A little hesitantly, Buck glances at the rest of the team, gauging their reactions before nodding. “Uh, yeah.”

Hen is giving him a soft smile, like she’s trying to silently tell him she’s proud of, and happy for him. Bobby just looks surprised, but definitely not upset. Both wins, he’d say. Not that he ever thought they’d have negative responses.

“I see,” Bobby chimes in. “Explains your reaction.”

Buck nods.

“Okay, we’ll give you some privacy. Hen, Chim, let us know if you need anything,” Bobby instructs before guiding Buck and Eddie towards a different part of the apartment. It leaves the paramedics to work without being interrupted, and gives Cole some much needed space from Buck in this scenario.

“I hope this goes without saying, but I still love you, kid. I’m proud of you, and I’m happy you’ve learned this about yourself,” Bobby says quietly, earning a soft smile from Buck.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

Shortly after, Cole is helped onto the gurney so that they can take him to the hospital for a check-up. From what Hen says, it seems like he has a mild concussion from hitting his head on the way down and is going to have some bruising, but should be totally fine. Matthew was just overly worried and insisted they call for an ambulance just in case. 

Buck asks if it’s alright that he has a moment alone with Cole before they take him. They agree, and Buck steps into the ambulance with him.

“Matthew seems nice.”

“He is,” Cole agrees. “He’s a kindergarten teacher. I like him a lot. Met him when the studio I work for was hired to take school photos for his school.”

“I’m glad you’re happy, man.” Buck gives him a genuine smile. It’s true, he wants the best for him. “Just be safe next time,” he says with a chuckle.

“And you? How are you doing?” Cole prods.

“Better. I’m living with Eddie now,” he tells him. “They all know about my past living situation, and I’ve been in therapy. I’m doing good.”

“Good, that makes me feel better,” Cole tells him. “I was worried about you.”

“I think everyone was. It just got worse after we broke up, but then it got a lot better after I took your advice to let them in.”

“You keep taking care of yourself, okay?”

“I will,” Buck promises. “You too.”

“I will.”

When they’re all back at the station, Hen doesn’t hesitate to pull him in for a hug. “We have to go out to a gay bar sometime.”

Buck chuckles. “Okay, but I’m not looking to date right now.”

“Good, focus on yourself, but I didn’t say anything about that. I just think you’d be a blast to go with you now that you’re out,” she says.

“Now that… You knew?”

“Buck, I see the way you look at Eddie,” she says. “Plus, you always said ‘Nicole’s’ pronouns weirdly. Sort of like you were trying too hard to compensate to hide the truth. I just didn’t want you to force yourself to tell me if you weren’t ready to.”

“It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready, I just– I was so focused on trying to figure out how to tell Eddie that I forgot to even consider telling anyone else,” he admits. “I’m proud to be bi, and I don’t intend to hide it.”

“Good, the world becomes a better place every time someone comes out and is honest about who they are.” She gives him a soft smile.

“I’m glad I have you,” he appreciates. “The whole team.”

“We’re glad to have you too,” she says. “Now, we’ve got to talk about you getting called out to your ex’s sex injury!”

“Oh my god, crazy situation, right?”

They both laugh at that, then dive into a conversation. It feels so great to have this out there now. He was never worried about telling Hen. Neither was he about telling Chimney. Bobby, maybe a little. It was a little different though, like he just wanted to make sure he’d have his sort-of-dad’s approval.

Bobby made sure he knows he has it though.

The next time he’s on shift, he’s surprised by a banner and cake waiting for him upstairs. The banner reads, Buck, we love you bi the way! It’s cheesy and Buck loves it, he feels so loved. A stark contrast to a few months ago. 

When they cut into the cake, it’s revealed to be a tri-layered cake, each layer one of the bi colors, and that pulls another grin out of Buck. 

Taking a glance at Eddie, Buck thinks he sees a sort of longing expression on his face. Like he wishes this mini celebration could be for the both of them. Buck walks over and bumps his shoulder into Eddie’s lightly, then gives him a smile, hoping that Eddie can tell it means he sees him, even if no one else does yet.

One day Eddie will get all of this for himself, and Buck will be by his side all the same.

For now, Eddie just tells him he’s proud of him, and they eat some cake together.

All of this is definitely way too over the top for what it’s for, but that’s just how they do things here, and Buck is lucky to get to be a part of all of this.

There’s no solid day or moment when it happened, when they finally took that step to be together. It was gradual. They really did just ease into it in a way that felt natural for them. 

They already shared a bed together, but cuddling became their new normal. Then eventually kisses on each other’s cheeks while watching a movie together, or greeting or saying goodbye, became the next step.

The first time Eddie held his hand while they walked through a nearly empty grocery store, Buck felt like he was on top of the world. That eventually became common too, and each and every time he feels like he’s the luckiest person, because it’s like Eddie is saying, I chose this one. 

Eddie chose him, and Buck still can’t believe it.

Buck let Eddie pick the pace for every new thing they did, wanting him to be comfortable, because Buck himself was okay with everything. They did talk more about it the more that time passed by. Eddie eventually properly came out as gay to Buck, and Buck gave him the biggest, proudest smile before kissing his cheek.

Not long after that, Eddie asked him out on a date for the first time. A proper date. Not just lounging around and watching movies, or trips to the grocery store. A dinner date, more specifically.

It was a lovely evening spent chatting away in a dimly lit restaurant, a meal spent reminding them why they work so well with each other. They never ran out of things to talk about, so much so that the restaurant had closed and they were being kicked out before they knew it.

Then, as they were walking back to Eddie’s truck to drive home, Eddie stopped them, pulling Buck into a kiss. It surprised him, but Buck could not say he didn’t love every millisecond of that kiss.

This is the man I want to kiss for the rest of my life, he thought to himself.

He told Eddie as much, and he just grinned fondly at him before pulling him in again.

Nothing escalated past that, but Buck felt like he was on the moon regardless. If they never had sex, that’d be okay, because as it turns out, kissing Eddie is better than having sex with anyone else. So he knows he can live without it now.

They did eventually take that step too, though.

Buck thought Eddie would be insecure, or unsure, but apparently he did his research. Research well done, because wow. Buck wasn’t sure sex could be that great, and he’s always loved sex to a high degree.

But maybe it was because it wasn’t sex, it was making love. As cheesy as that may be.

Shortly after that, Eddie came out to the team, earning him that celebration of coming out finally. Everyone could tell it was harder for him to come out then it was for Buck, so they all made sure to have conversations with Eddie and assure him that they were proud and loved him endlessly. 

It was lovely to see. Buck was and is so, so proud of him. He’s come a long way.

Buck has too, he’s noticed.

It was another thing that was gradual, but eventually he did find his mind rethinking things that he didn’t before. When he worries about being a bother, he stops to think about it more, wondering if it’s really true. Sometimes he just outright asks whoever, because sometimes it’s easier to convince himself when he hears it come from someone else.

He goes to therapy much less frequently now, but still does, because it’s nice to have someone to talk to about tough days. He still has more he’s sure he has to work on too, but for now, he’s happy with where he is.

It helps that he finally got the surgery to remove the screws from his leg after Eddie convinced him that even if it adds to his bills, he’ll be there to help him. It ended up doing the complete opposite. 

After the surgery, his doctor concluded that the screws were at fault for causing his blood clots. And when Buck sent in that information to his insurance, they finally agreed to cover the costs of his hospital visit from the embolism.

He wasn’t expecting that, but he did cry out in relief when he read the letter, and Eddie held him and kissed him while he let out his tears in both relief and frustration from everything that happened. He knows most people who go into medical debt aren’t lucky enough to have things turn around for them like this, so he’s so grateful for it.

Without letting Eddie in, or the team, he isn’t sure he’d have ever gotten that surgery, not unless it became a complete necessity. It was a great way to drill in the fact that things are better and work out in his favour if he just accepts help.

“I love you, Eddie,” Buck says, as he climbs into their bed at night.

“I love you too, Buck.” Eddie gives him a fond smile, cupping Buck’s face to pull him in for a kiss.

Yeah, not every day will be great, but he’s learned that as long as he leans on the people he loves, he’ll be just fine.