Chapter Text
Dylan finally let out a breath he didn’t knew he was holding, finding Jun all alone in front of ocean did something to Dylan’s heart, he never wanted to see Jun like this.
why was this life so hard on Jun.
why can’t he be Jun’s safe place.
“J..jun why?! Why the fuck would you disappear the whole day?! And why the fuck didn’t you answered my call?!” He said his voice louder than he wanted it to be, he wasn’t angry at Jun, he could never be, he was just so frustrated by the voice in his head.
“Answer me, Jun please… please say something, tell me what happened!!” Another attempt, but still no words from Jun, he wanted Jun to talk and tell him everything.
“Jun… do you know?!— do you know what I thought” Dylan said voice shaky as if he was holding himself together and was failing miserably, “don’t— please never do this again, Jun please, I though— I..” Dylan couldn’t continue the words, he don’t even want to name, the words scared him..
He was holding both hands of Jun and looking into Jun’s eyes, his eyes stung because of the tears, “Jun I thought I already lost you” Dylan said as his legs gave up and kneeled in front of Jun, holding both Jun’s hands not letting go, he sobbed and sobbed, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jun, never.
-
Jun held him, he hold Dylan’s hand not letting go, he also kneeled down— face to face with him, “Dylan.. I’m here, I’m sorry” Jun said almost a whisper.
Dylan let go of Jun’s hands as he cried more by looking into Jun’s red eyes “ no- no… Jun you’re not here, why I don’t feel you?!— Jun I can’t lose you, it hurts..!” Dylan sobbed as if something was hurting him physically.
Was Dylan that worried for Jun?! So after all there’s someone who look for him and it’s Dylan, Dylan cared for him?! Or Dylan was pitying him.
Jun slowly let go of Dylan’s hands, and pulled away a little, the little movement made Dylan shiver “Jun?!” Was all Dylan could say.
“Dylan, no I don’t need your pity, I’m fine, I’ll be okay, I’ll come back home myself.” Jun said with a cool tone.
“No… god.. no Jun— fuck Noo, you know how scared I was and am?! You know how many places I went” he hiccuped as the tears were falling down his cheeks “you have no idea what I thought and for what kind of call I was afraid of to receive, all I was fucking think about was what if you left me, what if you’re not with me anymore”
Jun looked in shocked expression, he never knew Dylan felt like this, he always thought even if he dies or disappears no one would care, but Dylan cares.
“Jun.. stay with me, please tell me there’s still hope, just tell me something, just say you’ll stay with me, and won’t leave me like how my parents did”
Jun tried to reach out for him, wanted to hug Dylan and tell him he won’t but Jun himself wasn’t sure if he won’t. “Dyl— I’m sorry”
“No Jun please don’t.. don’t say that, you don’t owe me that, I just don’t want this, I don’t want you hurting” and this time Jun didn’t hesitate and reached for Dylan, he pulled the younger one into a tight hug, Dylan let gasped by the sudden move but he melted the next minute.
“Tell me about it Dylan, I want to hear you, tell me everything” Jun said with a heavy heart, he wanted to know why was Dylan so afraid.
“Jun shouldn’t I be the one listening to you, I’m so damn sorry, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I didn’t listen to you when you needed”
“No Dylan, I want to hear you first” Dylan nodded while his head was hidden in Jun’s neck.
“My parents, they died while I was young, two years before I join oner for training, I had no one, Jun no one, no one accepted me, and when I say— I know your pain I do, I get you more than anyone… it was a hard time, I almost gave up on life but then I met you, Jun you saved me, you gave me hope, when I saw you shine in the stage, I wanted to believe that I can be enough for you or this life, it wasn’t easy but I got use to my feelings, I thought maybe ignoring you or maybe arguing with you these feeling would go but then I saw you crack, last night, I never knew— Jun I never thought…. and it hurts that I wasn’t the one who had to be there for you” Dylan said slowly and tears with slipping down on Jun’s face, all along Dylan was hurting too and he never noticed?!
“Jun I’m sorry but I can’t afford losing you, don’t ever disappear, let’s go through everything together” Dylan said while pulling out of Jun’s embrace and looking into the older one eyes.
“Dylan, I’m sorry, I never knew that” Jun said feeling deeply guilty “i thought you never cared and you hated me all along, I never mean to make you sad”
Dylan stared at Jun’s arm, he reached and slides the fabric up, with trembling hands he sooth over them, and Jun?! Jun let him do so, let himself be seen, he let Dylan see his worst insecurity.
Dylan’s finger stopped at that one deep scar, the one that was still healing, the one that made Dylan fear everything “Jun who was it?!” He asked never taking his gaze from Jun’s arm.
“Hmm?! What dyl” Jun asked confused.
“The one who saved you when you were bleeding from this cut” he said as he leaned in and kissed the deep cut.
Ohh that… Dylan was pointing at that night, the longest and worst night nut has ever experienced, Jun didn’t said anything, how can he say that it was Dylan who saved him.
“Dyl… it was… you” Jun said cupping Dylan’s face, “that night, while we were alone in home, when I was at the bath tub…..” Jun didn’t continue as Dylan’s eyes widened.
He remembered that night, the night he got a feeling that something was wrong, that’s why he knocked at the bathroom door asking Jun, so it was Dylan who saved Jun but Jun wanted to end it when he was alone with Dylan?! No….
“You… wanted to end it while I was alone at home… waiting for you to come?!” Dylan said as he sobbed, and sobbed mostly wailing, he can’t imagine how things would’ve been if he had found Jun like that.
“Dylan— I’m sorry, that night was too much for me, the argument we had and the things that happened…. But I didn’t, Dylan I bled but I’m here now— and it was you who saved me”
Dylan looked more wrecked than before, he was losing his mind at this point, so many things had happened and he never knew.
“Jun… I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t check on you” Dylan panted as his hands were shaking, he couldn’t find the right words to say but he wanted to assure Jun to never let it happen again..
“Jun what about let the past be, for now can you please don’t think about it, never get that thought again, let me endure your pain please” Dylan said as he was sobbing.
Dylan cried harder, he didn’t knew it was relief or fear, after knowing he was the one who saved Jun he felt he finally did something to Jun, “Dylan… I’m sorry, I’m sorry for making you worry and sorry for being a mess”
“No Jun you’re not a mess, it’s just too much okay?! Jun I can’t live with the fear of losing you” Dylan said as he let go of Jun. “I’ve liked you all this time and now I can’t lose you without making sure you don’t feel the same”
The words slips out of Dylan’s mouth without even knowing that he actually confessed his love to Jun.
Jun looked shocked as if he didn’t except to hear such a thing from Dylan “Dyl— what?!” Was all Jun said.
“Jun I’m sorry, but it’s true I’ve loved you all along and now I can’t think about not having you or whatever we have right now— I’m sorry if my feeling are too—“ Dylan didn’t finish as Jun cupped Dylan’s face and pulled him into a soft kiss.
A kiss that was full of longing.
A kiss full of unsaid things.
The kiss was passionate and deep yet so soft, Dylan melted into Jun’s touch completely, he never expected this.
Jun pulled back slightly “I like you, I love you Dylan so damn much that i decided to live” jun said almost a whisper, he pressed his forehead to Dylan’s, breaths mingling together.
“Live Jun, let me take your pain, don’t ever, don’t ever think about leaving me or mars forever” dylan said as he leaned for another kiss.
Finally Jun eased a little, in an ocean when the stars were shining in the sky and the moon was bright as always, there was two lovers who both struggled to find each other even though they were always there.
Both of them held into each other and finally Jun let the tears fall from his face, finally letting go of things he never did, finally he found his home, his Dylan.
“Jun—“ Dylan said pulling out from the hug a little “shall we go home?” Dylan said with hint of hesitation.
Jun clung to Dylan more he just nodded, but didn’t say anything, he knew he has to face members, but was he even ready.
——-
After a long day, they arrived at the house, Jun wasn’t ready, he looked stressed but Dylan took his hand and give him a slight nod, and a look that said ‘no matter what, I’ll be there for you’
At the house the members were all worried about Jun, but still they managed to stay calm, nano expressions was sad yet scared, it was the least thing Jun wanted to see.
“P’Jun” nano said as he stepped forward and pulled Jun into a tight hug, “I was so worried, don’t go anywhere without telling us” his voice shaky as if he cried the whole time.
“Nano I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, did I made my sunshine scared?!” Jun said with a smile.
They all settled in the living room, Thame didn’t say anything, he just looked worried, and Jun didn’t let go of Dylan, they sat next to each other, and the rest of the group didn’t demand for anything, they were just there listening whether Jun say anything or not.
“Guys I’m sorry—“ Jun said, putting his head down, not wanting to face anyone, “I didn’t mean to make you worried, but I just needed time”
“Jun, tell us everything, why was Dylan panicking this much, did something happened or is happening we don’t know about” pepper said with a calm yet worried tone, and this was the question Jun was scared the most.
Jun shake his head, looking at his arm and finally pulling the fabric up.
Nano gasped and started to cry as he saw all the scars and wounds in Jun’s arm, Thame looked terrified and worried, pepper tear up, they all looked scared and terrified, and that made Jun hate himself.
Dylan took Jun’s hand and assured him that everything will be okay, “guys I’m sorry, I tried and tried but—“ he wasn’t able to finish, because he couldn’t, he didn’t knew what to say.
Nano sobbed and hugged Jun, Thame followed next, and so did pepper, they all hugged Jun, and Jun himself started to cry, maybe it was fine to be vulnerable and a mess for once.
“Jun I’m sorry, even the word sorry is not enough” Thame said his voice full of guilt, and there he stared at Jun’s deepest scar the one that clearly said he committed.
——
They all settled nano still crying in pepper’s embrace, hugging per tightly, and per comforted him.
“P’jun why— why didn’t you tell us?” Nano asked voice as shaky and worried.
“I couldn’t, I’m sorry guys, I’m so sorry, I didn’t knew how to shut the voices in my head all nights, so I— I” he didn’t name it just looked at his arm and others understood eventually.
“No Jun, you don’t have to say sorry, we understand but i just hate myself for not knowing sooner or realising, and if it weren’t dylan today, you wouldn’t have said anything?!” Per said.
“I wanted to, I just didn’t knew how, I’m sorry” Jun said guilty.
“It was a long day, let’s call it a day and we will talk later, Jun is tired so am I.” Dylan said as if he was trying to make an escape for Jun.
“Yeah, but Jun can we talk for a moment together?” Thame asked, Jun was nervous, Thame wanted to talk with him?! Why?
“Oh yeah, we can talk in my room if you don’t mind.” Jun said.
——-
Jun got in his room as thame was following him, he was anxious but didn’t said anything, Thame got in his room and closed the door behind them, “Thame-“ Jun said as Thame stepped forward and pulled Jun into a hug.
Jun grasped by the sudden move but he didn’t pull away from Thame, he was just there, confused, so Thame doesn’t hate him?!
“Jun, don’t you dare, don’t you dare doing such a thing again, you really wanted to leave us or leave me, how can i deal with it, Jun why didn’t you tell me, I’m sorry, sorry for everything-“ Thame said while crying hard as if he was holding back the whole time.
Jun didn’t say anything he was just there, feeling guilty, “I didn’t know, I swear to god Jun I didn’t, and I’m sorry for not realising that your going through a lot, sorry for saying those words today, I’m so sorry”. Jun pulled away from the hug and looked into Thames eyes.
“You’re my friend, without you I’m nothing, and I don’t want to lose you” Thame said holding Jun’s hands,
“it’s okay Thame, I’m sorry too, I won’t do it anymore, I have Dylan, you, nano, pepper, even po, I have you guys and I’ll make sure to heal.” Jun said assuring Thame.
“Jun promise me, you’ll tell me when things got too much, talk to me and say everything, just don’t, don’t ever do it cause I know me and others can’t take bear the thought of losing you.
After a long conversation with Thame, Jun finally felt at ease, he didn’t felt like a burden anymore and he realised how much the members loved him.
——
Jun was sitting at the edge of the bed, his mind full of chaos again, he wanted to get rid of all the overthinking, he knew it wasn’t easy but he can’t possibly do what he always did when everything got too much, he was alone in his room, wanted to go to Dylan but it has been a long day for Dylan so he shouldn’t bother him.
He was thinking about getting the cutter again but he promised Dylan, he was lost in his thoughts until he heard a knock on his door.
“Jun are you awake?! Can I come in” it was Dylan’s soft voice, Jun opened the door and saw Dylan standing in front of him, he thought how disappointed Dylan would be if he knew that Jun is still thinking about harming himself.
“Dylan it’s late, why are you awake?” Jun said, trying to sound normal and cool.
“Jun you can’t sleep and you thought about harming yourself again right?” Dylan said it wasn’t an accusation, but how did Dylan know.
“I’m sorry, Dylan I just don’t know how to shut the voices in my head”
“Then let me, shut them for you” Dylan said as he stepped forward and closed the door behind him, he didn’t waste a moment and pulled Jun into a heated kiss.
The kiss was anything but soft or gentle, it was possessive, and it was passionate, the kind of kiss that made Jun melt into it and forget about everything.
Dylan pulled out from the kiss cupping Jun’s face and Jun slid his hand under Dylan’s shirt, grabbing Dylan’s waist, the touch was burning, his mind was foggy, he couldn’t believe he had Dylan, here like this.
This time Jun pulled Dylan into another kiss, Dylan gasped and moaned, but Jun swallowed the sound immediately as he slid his tongue into Dylan’s mouth, the kiss was full of tongue and teeth, he loved how Dylan tasted, he tasted sweet and the kind of taste that made him forget everything.
Jun’s mouth slowly slid down to Dylan’s temple and Jun pressed gentle kisses down on his temple, and his lips slowly traced down, as he kissed Dylan’s neck and bit down the milky soft skin of Dylan’s neck—
Dylan moaned and gasped suddenly, and Jun?! He didn’t hesitate or waste anything moment, he was worshipping Dylan’s body with his hand and his mouth.
And for now everything else can vanish because Jun had finally — found his home, having Dylan like this, hold him, kiss him, trusting him, Jun had all of them, maybe they can talk tomorrow or maybe later but for now, everything and everyone can wait..
Jun finally found a reason to live, and that person worth living for, Jun would do anything to protect the man he finally got and loved.
The end — .☘︎ ݁