Chapter Text
It's been an entire month since he woke up in that bed, staring at the ceiling of the medical ward. After what happened, Corvus put him in mandatory therapy with Eishia until he believed Rudo was stable enough. Rudo's missions have also been halted for the meantime. Of course, this made Rudo feel like a burden on the cleaners. So, after some discussion, Corvus decided to give him some small odd-jobs here and there.
Rudo had just returned from one of those odd-jobs. However, it didn't really help him feel better.
He continued walking down the halls of HQ, when he heard a familiar voice. He started walking quicker, reaching the common area. He opened the door and was greeted by a face he hadn't seen for a while.
"Amo..? What are you doing here..?" His eyes were wide. Down here, he didn't really know anyone's backgrounds or their stories. He didn't like how mysterious everyone was down here. However, Amo was different. That day, she had told them everything. Rudo knew her. Maybe not personally, but he knew her more than he knew anyone else down here. She made him feel safe.
Amo looked up at him with a small smile. "Amo came to see all of my friends! Amo missed them all.." She said, sitting on a chair next to Riyo. "Amo was hoping we could all talk about nice stuff this time!"
He felt nervous, wondering if she heard about what he did to himself. Honestly, he didn't want her to know.
He sat down in a nearby chair, thinking while he listened to them all talk. He didn't really have much to say, and it seemed like the girls were off in their own little world, so he didn't bother joining in on the conversation. Though, it felt good to be able to listen to the two of them.
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Turns out, Amo is staying at HQ for a few days. She seems interested in the cleaners, and for some reason that thought made him feel calm. He felt like she could be a true friend, a friend that wasn't coated in mystery. But he was afraid to talk to her, afraid to be seen as vulnerable by her. Just thinking of it made him want to panic.
He could feel the anxiety pooling in his stomach. He sat on the bench outside, staring at the ground. He couldn't stop the familiar feeling. He knew this feeling only meant bad things.
He stood up, not wanting to be seen like this. However, as he was walking back inside he bumped into her. He bumped into Amo; A.K.A the person he really didn't want to see at the moment. He stared at her, feeling like he wanted to run away. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide.
Please don't look at me like that. Please look away-
"Rudo.. are you okay?" She looked at him with a worried expression.
He didn't know what to say. He could only make out a single word.
"Yeah..." He paused, looking at her. He was about to start over-analyzing her expression as she spoke.
"Rudo.. Amo knows that face. She's made that face a lot of times.. Amo doesn't want her friends to make that face either." She looked scared, but why?
"Amo.. I.. I don't want you to worry about me. I'm fine." God, he was terrified. He felt like he was about to throw up. He was finally feeling better after embarrassing himself a month ago In front of everyone, now he's about to do it again.
He quickly turned around. "Goodnight.." He hurriedly walked off before she could call after him.
He remembered what Enjin said to him; That if he felt like he was about to break again, go to his room and knock 3 times, and that's exactly what he did.
Knock.
Knock.
...Knock.
The door opened. Rudo was barely holding in tears by the time Enjin let him in. The anxiety was strong now, too strong. He felt like he wanted to rip his flesh apart. He wanted to hurt more than anything, he had to.
Make it stop I need it to hurt!
"Hey, kid. Quit thinking. Look at me, squeeze this ball." Enjin handed Rudo a stress ball that Eishia gave to him In-case this was to happen. "Squeeze it and tell me everything."
Rudo breaks down when the anxiety gets unbearable. He doesn't know why he suddenly got so scared.
Enjin seems to get it.
"I saw you talking to Amo earlier, what were you guys talking about?"
Rudo looked surprised. Why was Enjin asking him about Amo at a time like this??
"I.. Um.. I didn't want her to see me like this... I didn't want her to figure out what I did to myself.." Rudo says with a sniffle, still confused.
"Why don't you wanna tell her? Isn't she your friend?"
Rudo looked down at the ground. The question hit him hard, because it was right. She was his friend, so why was he so scared of her hating him?
"I don't... Well.. she's just someone I feel like I understand; and to be honest, I don't understand a lot of people here. I don't want the only person I understand to hate me or think I'm some weirdo who's unstable..." He fiddles with his thumbs, looking at the ground. He mumbled the last part, unsure of the fact that he described himself in that way, but it was kind of true in his eyes. "No one told her.. right..? About what happened..?"
Enjin shook his head. "Nah. She's clueless- but hey, I think talking to her about it would be helpful. Amo still has healing to go through herself, just like you. She understands the process more than you think." He smiles, patting the boy's back.
Enjin was right. Amo and Rudo were more similar than he thought. Maybe.. maybe this was part of being friends with her. In that tower, he spoke to her about using his hands to help people. Now, he wants to use his hands to reach out.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do!
The next day, he sees Amo on the same bench he was in the previous night, the night where he had another mental breakdown. However, the realization was different. He wasn't ashamed like he thought he'd be, instead he wanted to tell that feeling to Amo. He wanted to reach out; and so, he walked up to her and tapped her shoulder.
"Um.. Amo..?" His voice was heavy with anxiety.
"Yeah?" She looked up at him, she still seemed to be worried about the previous night.
He gulped and sat down next to her. "Um.. Can I talk to you about last night..?" He could feel the anxiety pooling in his chest again. He wanted to run away, but he didn't.
"Are you okay, Rudo?" Her soft voice was comforting.
"Yeah- I mean, honestly, not really.. Um.. You see recently I have been having these, erm, mental breakdowns and what-not.. I.. I wanted to ask for your advice.." He sounded unsure, felt unsure, but knew it was right to tell her.
Amo was quiet for a few seconds, seconds that felt like hours to Rudo's anxiety. She sighed before she spoke.
"Well.. Amo doesn't really know.. All Amo knows is that she wants to heal with her friends.. and that's why she's here." She looked more calm than he did. "Amo doesn't know exactly how to heal, but I know healing involves learning to trust people.. Rudo, do you trust people?"
Rudo paused at the question. He does- well, he thinks he does. Honestly, he's not really sure. "I want to trust people.. but I'm scared. Everyone I've ever trusted before is gone now. I don't want the same thing to happen here.."
Amo looked genuinely happy for him. "That's what Amo thinks, too. Honestly, Amo isn't too sure about trusting the cleaners.. but the cleaners made Amo feel less lonely. Maybe you and Amo could learn to trust them together?"
Rudo isn't sure what he feels, but he knows it's a good feeling.
The two of them spoke for awhile after that, telling each other the truths of their healing processes; All the bad and the good. They understood each other even more, and Rudo trusted her. He was scared to trust her, but he did.
After they parted ways for the day he went back to his room to reflect. He thought about everything Amo had said, and everything that had happened in these past few months. He stared at the same ceiling that saw every single mental breakdown he had. He was sure he was going to have more in the future, but this time he had his new family to be there for him. He finally felt like he was home again.