Chapter Text
The first thing Katy did after stepping out of the shower was pull on one of Shaun’s old t-shirts. It was a faded one from their first training session with Wong, the hem still faintly scorched from a misjudged portal landing. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to wear such a tretcherous shirt before a night that could end in disarster... it was never a good idea to get drunk with the guy you were hopelessly in love with. In truth, she liked the quiet intimacy of wearing something of his that she also had history with. Make it feel like it had a shared history.
When she returned to the living room, Shaun was still seated on the floor beside the low coffee table, his back against the couch. Several empty bottles stood around him, showing his desire to get absolutely annihilated on cheap alcohol. Something must be very wrong for him to willingly drink the cheapest soju you could buy.
Katy sat down beside him, groaning as she settled into a comfortable position.
"Gym that bad" He asked
"Gym beat my arse" she responded as she cracked open a beer.
They drank in silence, but it was not an unfamiliar silence. It was the kind that they had done for years as friends. Multitudes of failed exams, bad jobs, family gatherings and hospital visits had made this familiar and not uncommon for them. Previously, the silence had always been welcome and calming, but now, the air sat heavy with the possibility of what the conversation would bring.
Shaun dragged a hand over his face, fingers lingering at his mouth as though he were steadying something inside himself.
“Do you ever feel,” he began slowly, his voice low and almost detached, “like if you don’t say something—if you keep it buried long enough—it stops being a secret and starts becoming a wound?”
Katy’s pulse quickened, sudden and sharp. She kept her gaze fixed ahead. “That’s… oddly specific. When did you become Shakespeare?”
“Hypothetically,” he murmured.
She let out a quiet breath. “Hypothetically.” This conversation felt targeted, Shaun was on a mission, a drunk mission. She wasnt convinced it was a good idea.
"hypothetically" she started "I would advise you to wait till you are sober to see if you still feel like that. Hypotethcially of course"
“I’ve hidden so much,” he said at last, each word deliberate. “My name. My past. The things I’ve done. And every time I thought I was protecting someone by staying silent, I was really just… building distance.” He was downing his drink again. Katy knew in about 10 minutes he would be drunk enougth to say anything.
"Shaun we dont have to talk about this, you are drunk. We can talk about it when you can think straight"
"Thats just the thing, I never want to think about it. I will just avoid everything if I dont say it." He said. Now intent on divulging his heart out on the floor.
“Katy, okay — just… let me talk. Don’t interrupt. Actually, no, you can interrupt, I just — if you interrupt, I might lose my nerve, so maybe don’t? I don’t know. This is already going badly.I’m not good at this. I’m good at hand-to-hand combat. I’m good at jumping off scaffolding. I’m weirdly good at selling electric cars now. But feelings?" he trailed off after his ramblings before starting again.
“I spent most of my life being told exactly who I was supposed to be. What I was supposed to feel. When I was allowed to feel it. And then you happened. You showed me what it was like to live, and I have lived for you ever since. You were so unafraid of yourself of anyone else and that scared me so much, it was unlike anything I have ever felt. And now I know that I love you and im so scared to lose you.” His voice got louder and louder, until he whispered the confession.
Now it was all out in the open. Katy sat there in silence for a minute. Taking in his confession.
"Shaun, its ok. You have made me so incredibly happy as my best friend. Its been so difficult recently to be only your friend because I want to much more. I love you too"
"Thank god" Shaun spluttered, "I was so worried you would want to stay friends"
"Of course I want to stay friends, but I would also like to be your girlfriend" Katy responded.
Later that night after they made their way to bed, they both went to sleep in each others arms. This time there were no nightmares.