Chapter Text
Seokjin remembers the love stories Dahyun always made him read to her, two lovers who weren't meant to be and were separated but against all odds they found each other again and lived happily ever after.
Real life didn't work like that.
Seokjin looked into the eyes of his soulmate, and he felt sick.
Jaehwan looked at him with adoration, it was like some supernatural force kept him rooted where he stood. He wanted to run after Namjoon he wanted to scream at Jaehwan to let him be and to never come back.
Seokjin thought back to Namjoon who had just stormed out,
How much of a deja-vu,
Jaehwan took Seokjin's hand in his, it felt both so wrong and right and Seokjin wanted to pull his hand away but he let Jaehwan hold his hand.
“Was your friend okay?” Jaehwan asked concern adorning the features on his face,
“no” was what he wanted to say, but he couldn't get the words out.
“I'll check up on him later..” Seokjin said and Jaehwan smiled, obviously happy with the fact that Seokjin intended to stay longer with him.
“Wait up here, I'll ask if I can end my shift early” he said and Seokjin just nodded as the excitement in his voice was endearing.
Maybe he'd let Jaehwan comfort his sore heart,
“Namjoon, Joon” Mina was banging on his door,
Jeongyeon walked into the dorm panicked, “Where is he?”
Mina pointed at the shut door leading to Namjoon's room.
“Kim Namjoon open the goddamn door right now” Jeongyeon yelled, from the sounds in the other room it seemed like Namjoon made no intentions of opening the door.
“I'll call Jaebum to kick your ass” Jeongyeon said and they heard the door click.
Namjoon was lying on his bed, his gaze was looking straight up at the ceiling,
“what the hell happened, why are you so gloomy?” Jeongyeon's asked and Namjoon sighed,
“he found him” Namjoon said,
“Who found who?” Mina asked,
“Jin” Namjoon started, “He found his soulmate”
Mina immediately made her way to Namjoon's side, she gently put her hand on his shoulder. Jeongyeon however became angry,
“He just left you?” she yelled before Namjoon could reply, she already stormed off dialing Jaebum's number angrily.
Namjoon sighed as he turned to look at Mina's face,
“Are you okay?” she asked,
“I'm just tired” he sighed,
“Tired as in you want to sleep or..” and Namjoon sighed as she asked.
“I'm tired of even trying to get in a relationship, they never work out. I am here so god can mock me, he can laugh about my lonely existence. Maybe it's some sort of karma towards my parents, maybe he just despises me” Namjoon laughed bitterly as Mina brought her hand to her mouth,
“You've never been like this after a breakup” she said quietly,
Namjoon heard Jeongyeon yelling at the phone faintly in the background,
“This wasn't like any of my other relationships,” he said.
“I loved him, I love him”
“Get some rest Joon,” Mina said as she stood up, Namjoon just nodded as Mina closed the door to calm her girlfriend.
“Jaebum, we're best friends right?” Namjoon asked as they were kicking a football back and forth to one another,
“Of course Namjoon, that's a dumb question” Jaebum said with a frown on his face. How could he think any different?
“my mom and dad yelled at me yesterday” Namjoon grumbled,
“Why?” Jaebum asked as he stopped the football, suddenly concerned about his friend.
“They told me I'll never get a soulmate mark or a soulmate and that I was a disappointment” he pouted, the way he could speak so light hearted about it made Jaebum sad.
“everyone finds someone,” Jaebum said, “If it helps I'll always be there for you” Jaebum showed him a toothy grin,
“You promise?” Namjoon asked,
“Pinky promise” Jaebum said as he held up his pinky finger,
“Pinky promise” Namjoon smiled as he intertwined his pinky with Jaebum's.
A pinky promise they had since they were eleven and one that has never once been broken.
“Jaebum,” Namjoon said as they were working on their science project together,
“hm” Jaebum hummed,
“you're my best friend right?” Namjoon started “So I can tell you anything without you getting mad or telling anyone else?”
“Of course that's a stupid question” Jaebum frowned, “you can tell me anything Joon”
“I like Jackson, a lot.” Namjoon said stuttering,
Jaebum smiled, “You should tell him”
“What?” Namjoon said surprised,
“You” Jaebum started, “Kim Namjoon should tell Jackson Wang about your feelings”
“You're insane man” Namjoon frowned and Jaebum grinned,
“Dude he's like totally smitten for you” Jaebum said as-a-matter-of-factly.
“But he has a soulmate to wait for, surely he won't date me”
“You don't need your soulmate to be happy” Jaebum deadpanned,
“But-” Namjoon said but Jaebum cut him off,
“You're going to tell him, he's going to say he likes you too. You're going to be a big happy sappy couple and you will annoy me to no avail but I will be secretly happy for you two” Jaebum said and Namjoon grinned, that was the end of that conversation.
Namjoon heard a knock from the door followed by a a familiar deep voice,
“Namjoon, can I come in?”
Namjoon didn't answer, he knew that Jaebum knew what the silence meant.
Jaebum opened the door and closed it behind him immediately,
“Hey there” Jaebum said and Namjoon smiled,
“Hey”
“How are you feeling?” Jaebum asked him as he sat down on the bed looking at Namjoon,
“Like shit but that's the usual” he said lightheartedly trying to ignore the heavy pain in his heart.
“Don't lie to me” Jaebum said sadly, “I know you feel like dying”
“You got me there” he laughed bitterly,
“You know” Namjoon mused, “Everyone has left me in some way for a soulmate but you've never left me for a soulmate, I'm seriously debating if you even have a soulmark because I'm pretty sure I've seen you naked and I have never seen a mark on your body”
Jaebum laughed, “Well I have one, I won't show but it's there” Namjoon smiled.
“if you say so”
“I got you some beer and chips, how about we drink and watch a dumb movie like we used to” Jaebum grinned as he lifted up a crate of beer and a bag of chips.
“I'm all in” Namjoon grinned.
Jaebum opened a beer bottle for Namjoon,
His soulmark will forever be something between him, Nayeon and their parents.
A name engraved in white behind his ear hidden by his hair,
Kim Namjoon
Namjoon had a soulmate, of sorts, Jaebum was placed on this world to be there for Namjoon, to love him as his best friend, to be a voice of reason, to take care of him and to make him happy.
God had mercy on Namjoon, he had given him Jaebum someone who would always be consistent in his life and a friend for life and Jaebum wouldn't have it any other way.
Jaebum glanced over to Namjoon who was staring at the laptop screen whilst nursing from his beer bottle, a good action film was always one of the best ways to distract Namjoon.
Jaebum didn't even remember Mina and Jeongyeon joining them but when the movie was over and most of the beer bottles were empty he noticed that Mina was asleep in Jeongyeon's arms whilst Jeongyeon was asleep as well and using Namjoon's chest as a support, Namjoon's long legs trapped both Mina and Jeongyeon. Namjoon's head resting on Jaebum's shoulder and Jaebum smiled as days like these reminded him of when they were kids except that back then they still had Jackson around.
Jackson would've been the one to use Namjoon as his support and Jeongyeon would lean against Namjoon if she was there on the holidays.
Jaebum still talks to Jackson but Namjoon had decided to cut him off, Jaebum understands Namjoon's reasons and at first Jaebum had also chosen to ignore him but he couldn't stay mad at Jackson forever.
Jackson tried and tried to get Namjoon to talk to him but Namjoon was damn good at ignoring someone, Jackson broke Namjoon's heart after promising he never would which was enough reason for the younger to stay mad.
Namjoon moved his head a little getting more comfortable leaning on Jaebum's shoulder and Jaebum sighed in annoyance but he could never be annoyed at his friends.
He decided he'd try to sleep too, it was already past twelve and Jaebum wasn't really feeling to walk to his dorm.
The break up spread like wild fire,
Seokjin showed up at college with Jaehwan now holding his hand with a big smile plastered on his face as he walked Seokjin to his first class, kissing him goodbye and leaving to attend his own classes or go to work and Seokjin left college with Jaehwan taking him out on a date or driving him back to his dormitory which wasn't even that far from college but Jaehwan always insisted on bringing him back home.
Seokjin tried, he really tried to truly love Jaehwan but at the same time he tried his hardest to let Jaehwan go and run back to Namjoon.
Back into the safe arms that guarded him from all harms and mean words.
Seokjin hadn't seen Namjoon ever since, Namjoon did a good job at avoiding him like the plague.
Namjoon went to school when he felt like it, he sometimes skipped classes or sometimes even entire days,
the glimpses Seokjin caught of Namjoon were horrifying,
the once so bright smile was no where to be seen, bags under his eyes, hair tousled and his eyes never sparkled like they used to.
Arms often bandaged up, sometimes came to college with a blue eye or other bruises that were the result of fights.
All of Namjoon's friends gave him the cold shoulder and cold glares except for Nayeon which Seokjin appreciated since he enjoyed her company a lot.
The worst glare that Seokjin had gotten was the one from Jackson and Jaebum,
Seokjin almost broke out in tears as he raised his head to meet theirs, their eyes held so many emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment and betrayal.
Jeongyeon and Mina hadn't completely given him the cold shoulder, but he could still tell they were angry at him but were good at disguising it.
Yoongi had been the one to drag Seokjin from class to class because if he were to walk alone through the halls he might end up breaking down.
Jeongguk had sent death glares to every student who had said something bad towards Seokjin.
“What a coward!” Jeongguk had said frustratingly,
“Jeongguk” Jimin said trying to calm him,
“No! He manages to stay out of everyone's sight, whilst Seokjin hyung has to hear what everyone is rumoring about him”
Seokjin listens to Jeongguk's angry rant, feeling a dull ache in his heart.
Namjoon brought the bottle of beer back to his lips as the girl, who he'd forget after two minutes, let go of his lips walking back to the dance floor where she joined her friends again.
Namjoon had a cunning smile displayed on his face, men and women alike glancing at him.
This is how Namjoon dealt with his break ups,
drink, dance, kiss, drink, dance, kiss and repeat.
Usually it worked but every time his lips were connected to another set of lips he felt an ache in his chest. None of them could match against Jin's, none of them were as soft and plump as his, none of the kisses felt as good as his and none of the tongue's danced around with Namjoon's like Jin's.
Namjoon put down the beer bottle again as some guy had boldly placed his arm around Namjoon's neck and straddled his hips.
Namjoon smirked at the slightly smaller man who was blushing slightly, probably indicating that he didn't do this often.
Namjoon slowly kissed the collarbone as he worked his way up to his jaw,
The boy was panting when Namjoon reached his mouth,
Namjoon faintly recognized the boy as he got a good look at his face, he was often around Mark, Jinyoung and Yugyeom.
“Hello 'Mook” Namjoon grinned as he kissed the jaw of the boy who let out a surprised gasp,
“you actually know me?” he said as Namjoon came up to his lips again,
“of course” he mused, Kunpimook shied away for a moment as Namjoon came up to meet his lips again.
Kunpimook was a good kid and deserved more than what Namjoon was giving him but Namjoon spotted the engraved name on his neck and he knew that he had someone to wait for.
Namjoon kissed Kunpimook to try and forget the ache in his chest and it almost went away for a moment.
Seokjin lets Jaehwan kiss away his worries for the time being, let's Jaehwan cuddle with him making him feel as if he were laying between Namjoon's arms.
“I love you” Jaehwan murmured to Seokjin as they were cuddled in bed,
Seokjin's sleepy eyes shot open,
he doesn't say anything, he's panicking,
he can't say it back, as much as he wants to make himself believe he does he can't.
He doesn't love Jaehwan, he only loves Namjoon, the one who has been going to college whenever he feels like it for three months, who he has seen kissing all kinds of guys and girls, who has spent more time drinking then studying, Seokjin knows Namjoon is having a hard time dealing with it but he highly doubts Namjoon will ever take him back.
He's even seen him getting a little closer to Jaebum than before they were dating.
Seokjin felt odd, Jaebum and Namjoon were close, best friends since childhood does that to a relationship, but he'd seen Jaebum reach for Namjoon's hand on occasions. He'd seen the two friends getting too close for Seokjin's comfort even though Seokjin wasn't dating Namjoon anymore.
Seokjin pretended to sleep as Jaehwan pressed him closer to his chest.
Seokjin waited until Jaehwan had fallen asleep to untangle himself from his grip and turned around, his back turned to Jaehwan as the tiny sobs left his mouth and the many unshed tears fell down on the pillow as he thought back to all those nights he'd spent in Namjoon's arms,
he hated how Jaehwan was the one wrapping his arms around him, he hated how it were Jaehwan's love bites and hickeys that were marked on his skin, he hated how Jaehwan was the one who took his hand in his, he hated how Jaehwan was the one to kiss him, he hated how Jaehwan was the one dropping him off at college and yet he couldn't hate Jaehwan.
He was sweet, kind, caring and funny.
Seokjin thought back to the first time he met Namjoon,
something about Namjoon intrigued Seokjin, he wanted to know more about Namjoon and once he did he was craving for even more.
Jaehwan and Seokjin only met because fate was cruel, fate decided that they should walk around with each others name on each others body.
Seokjin didn't want anything to do with fate,
all he wanted was to be with Namjoon, to feel the tight grip of his arms around him, to feel Namjoon's chest rising and falling as he rested his head on it, to see Namjoon's face first thing in the morning, to have Namjoon be the one to hold his hand, to carry Namjoon's love bites on his body, to thread his fingers through Namjoon's hair and so much more.
Seokjin felt his heart ache at the thought,
his eyes were sore, red and puffy from crying, he had lost Namjoon he had lost his pillar, his support the one who was always there for him, the one who gave him everything and asked nothing but love in return,
his soulmate
Seokjin looked out of the window, the full moon was shining brightly surrounded by beautiful stars.
Seokjin smiled a little as the sky reminded him of Namjoon, mysterious and dark but with a beautiful shining layer.
Namjoon was sitting in his room, he stared out of the window as he sat on the floor.
His back pressed against the bed that once used to be one of his favorite places,
because he would be there to wake up with.
It hurts,
It hurts so bad,
to see Seokjin walk with Jaehwan, to see them kiss, to see them leave to see that mark on Seokjin's body that he tried to cover up.
It hurts how Namjoon kisses others to forget, it hurts to be reminded of how pathetic he is, it hurts to be reminded of him.
Namjoon glanced down to his arms, the bottle of pills in his grip,
anti-depressants
and he glanced down to his wrists to see blood seeping out of them,
his tears were salty on his lips as he brought the bottle to his mouth,
he the pills fell into his mouth, he swallowed them with difficulty.
With the little strength he had he walked over to his window where he looked at the sky,
the moon was lonely as stars surrounded it, the moon was different whilst all the stars were the same.
The moon had the sun, but the sun was also a star.
The moon was meant to be alone,
Namjoon was the moon, different from everyone else, a love for someone who was different and rather be amongst the other stars where he belonged to shining the brightest of all.
Namjoon felt his body go limp as he fell to the ground with a loud thud,
he thought back to Jeongyeon, Jaebum and Mina,
his best friends who were always there for him,
he smiled as he thought back to their happy memories,
even Jackson was there,
he wanted to forgive Jackson but he never could, not face to face that's why he wrote it down.
Namjoon was never good at talking about his feelings, he was good at writing.
He wrote songs and poems since he was able to write,
the first time he wrote a song was when he was seven, he wrote a song for Jeongyeon about how much he loved her and how she was his best friend,
she cried and even after many years Jeongyeon still threatened him saying he could never ever tell Mina.
The first time Namjoon read out a poem was to Jackson,
it was cheesy and bad but Jackson smiled with tears in his eyes and kissed Namjoon.
He thought back to Seokjin,
as much as he wanted to hate him he couldn't, he loved him too much.
That's why it hurts so much, he'd leave Seokjin behind but he'd manage.
He loved Seokjin more than he had loved anyone, maybe he loved him even more than he loves Jaebum, Jeongyeon and Mina, maybe he even loved Seokjin more than himself,
no he definitely loved Seokjin more than himself,
Seokjin deserved a world he couldn't give him anymore,
Namjoon clenched his fist weakly, Jaehwan had to give Seokjin the world if Namjoon couldn't.
Seokjin deserved to be happy.
He glanced out of the window from the ground one last time, wondering if Seokjin was looking at the sky as well before he felt his eyes shut, he heard some commotion outside of his bedroom door but he couldn't make out what as all his senses gave up,
''It's better to leave than to be replaced,,