Chapter Text
Wolfwood crouches, hiding behind a wall riddled with bullet holes, waits for the two bozos that robbed the local bank to run out of bullets, curse loudly and start reloading, then fires his own round at them, making them shriek.
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Spikey!” He yells into the ether after he’s done, wiping the seat of his brow. The day is annoyingly hot, summer rolling to their shitty planet with intensity not seen in a few. decades.
Nicholas hears the familiar sound of a few warning shots, somewhere up and behind him and then the sound of boots scrapping the ground hastily before Vash lands next to him, long limbs flailing everywhere.
“Why?” He asks after he gets himself under control and then they both duck behind the wall when the other two guys start firing at them again.
Wolfwood waits for them to reload before he speaks.
“Well for one I am not a real priest.”
Vash sighs.
“Yes but-ack!” He flails and Nicholas grabs him by the back of his coat to pull him down when a stray shot almost grazes his ear.
“Watch it,” Nick grumbles, his hand on Vash’s head until there's another lull from the other side, meaning they have a few seconds to change position until they reload.
Nick nudges Vash to move.
“Anyway. I think we should get the real deal.”
Vash stops and puts a hand on Wolfwood’s chest and then takes a peek from behind the ruined wall. He deems it okay and signals that they can move forward for now.
“We’re not really catholic. Or religious for that matter.”
Wolfwood has his eyes on the opposite building, the Punisher open and ready to fire.
“In that case why bother at all? We can just go to the city hall, sign some papers and then get blind drunk after.”
Vash turns to him with a pout and Wolfwood snorts.
“Thought so,” He says and halts Vash for a second and then tells him to run.
They take opposite sides of the building, hiding behind rubble just as the other two nutjobs start firing at them again.
“Still! It would be memorable!” Vash yells through the rain of bullets.
“No thanks. I’ll pass,” Nick yells back as he reloads the magazine.
Another pause lets them change their position once more.
Vash shakes his head as he reloads his gun at top speed.
“Fine. I still think this could cut our spending.”
“Since when you’re so frugal?”
“Since now.” Vash shoots a stray wood bolt hanging precariously from a ceiling, and the men they are hunting jump out of the way with a panicked yell when it almost crushes them to the ground.
“What are they talking about?” One of them asks, crawling on the floor, trying to grab his gun that Vash shot out of his hand in a moment of sudden distraction.
The other man stands heavily and dusts off his pants with a curse.
“Dunno but they piss me off.”
There’s the sound of heavy boots hitting the ground and the two men duck when Vash comes into their line of sight and shots at their feet making them dance.
“But we’re still doing it at Hopeland?” Vash reloads his gun in the meantime.
“Yeah. Why? You changed your mind or something? Got cold feet?” Nick’s voice comes from a direction he cannot pinpoint yet but he’s not worried. The ruined factory has excellent acoustics.
“As if!” Vash yells and then yelps when the men shoot at him. He bolts into the opposite direction. Nick is already there waving at him and with a grin he dives behind a stack of crates as high as a few stories and presses his back to Wolfwood’s.
“You’re not getting rid of me.”
Nick looks over his shoulder and snorts.
“Don’t I know it?”
They wait with bathed breath and then Vash whispers, probably a bit too loudly.
“I’m asking because it might be a bit…small?”
Wolfwood swings the Punisher when he sees one of the men from the corner of his eye. The guy yelps and hides in the dark corner when Wolfwood shoots at his feet.
“It’s fine. We’re doing the whole thing outside anyway. Besides, I can't change it. The kids would hate me.”
Vash laughs merrily.
“They are very excited.”
“A bit too excited if you ask me,” Nick grumbles and then raises an eyebrow at Vash’s grin.
“I am too.”
“Of course you are.” Nick rolls his eyes but well, he can’t blame Vash for it. No he can deny his own excitement no matter how much he’d try and deny it.
“Oh, besides.” He says suddenly after Vash gives another warning shot, above Nicholas' head.
“Hm?” Vash blinks.
“I don’t think I should wear a white suit.”
“What? Why?! You’d look so good in it!” Vash whines in protest and then switches places with Wolfwood without a prior word of coordination.
“Not with this hair,” Nick says, shaking his shaggy mop of dusty gray.
Vash whines behind his prominent pout.
“Wait. Are they discussing what I think they are?” One of the marks asks in disbelief.
“Um, possibly?”
“You should wear it.”
“But-” Vash protests.
“Trust me Spikey. You’d look better in one.”
Vash looks skeptical.
“Besides,” Nicholas turns and then tugs a stray, pitch black lock on Vash's head.
“We could match better that way, don’t you think?”
Vash looks contemplative before a small smile forms on his face.
“I guess…” he pauses suddenly and then adds. “Ah. Can you agree to a geranium in the breast pocket then, please?”
“Sure, whatever.”
“Yay!” Vash makes a happy silly dance and Wolfwood can't help but roll his eyes.
“You and your flowers.”
“I am very proud of my garden, thank you very much. My life’s work.” Vash waves his gun in the air.
“Do you guys need to discuss this thing now?” The bigger of the two men, stops shooting and asks in disbelief.
Both Vash and Wolfwood share a look before turning to their targets, for the first time acknowledging them in their conversation.
“Yes.”
And then all hell brakes loose, the two criminals shooting a massive amount of bullets at them.
Vash and Wolfwood both huddle behind the remains of the wall, crowded as close as humanely possible.
“So,” Nicholas says after Vash has shot a bullet that bypassed their coverage.
“So.”
“We have a deal?”
“Yep.” Vash grins and Wolfwood responds with his own toothy smile.
“Why won’t they just die?!”
Nicholas rolls his eyes at the dramatic yell from the other side while Vash muffles his giggles into his elbow.
“What do you say we finish this thing?” Nick peeks from behind the Punisher.
“Agreed.” Vash grins and leans to kiss Nicholas, on the mouth under a rain of bullets. He’s not concerned too much with it because Wolfwood opens the cross and it shields them from everything anyway.
It’s almost cozy like that.
They pull away, exchange looks that could have been whole conversations without uttering a word and charge at the two marks.
Wolfwood’s gun shields Vash as they run. Vash counts the bullets under his breath so when they end unexpectedly, because the bank robbers finally run out of ammo, Vash runs up and knocks their guns out of their hands, sending them flying out of reach and sight.
“Ah! Wolfwood!” Vash turns around suddenly when he hears the Punisher close behind him with a hiss. “Just remember-” Vash warns before Wolfwood swings the closed Punisher and whacks both criminals with his gun around their middles, toppling them to the ground with pained whines.
“I remember. The bounty said alive. I’m not stupid enough to fumble ten thousand double dollars like some idiot.”
One of the men groans, blinking blearily up at the two bounty hunters who just secured a nice sum by capturing both of their targets.
“We still gotta fund this wedding somehow."