Chapter Text
You know it's weird writing a final letter. Almost as if I have to come to terms with... whatever this is. Which is something I find quite displeasurable. But here I am.
The night was silent, except for the occasional cheers from the houses along the road, faint music muffled by the walls and the chirping of crickets. A cold gust of wind blew past Avery as he basically sprinted through the street, cursing himself under his breath for not thinking of bringing a sweater along with him for the trip. He slowed his steps and eventually came to a stop in front of a house. The front porch was covered in dust and grime, the plants out front have completely dried out, all that was left of them were the branches. If anyone were to see this house, they would definitely think it has been abandoned for years. Avery thought this seemed pretty accurate judging from the timeline.
Avery stood in front of the door, his bag slung over his shoulder and a small potted cactus in his shaky hands as the words in Derek’s letter rang in his ears. He pressed his ear up against the door, hearing absolutely nothing. Literally, what was he expecting? Avery mentally smacked himself for panicking so hard.
He sucked in a deep breath before knocking on the door, again, what did he expect was going to happen? Avery’s ears burnt a deep red despite no one being there to see him fumble. All the spiralling he has been through in the span of a couple of hours must’ve fried his brain, along with all that remained of his common sense.
Avery finally regains his bearings and tries the door knob. It didn’t budge. Of course it didn’t. He groaned in frustration. If Derek were here, he would probably try to pick the lock or try some other smartass tricks but right now, Avery didn’t have the time for all that. He placed Gloop on the ground (Yes he named the cactus Gloop, sue him) and checked the hinges on the door, his hands leaving a trail of white as the dust stuck onto his fingers.
Avery took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the pain that would follow, but he didn’t care. Derek was behind these doors and he was going to get to him no matter the cost. He took a couple of steps back before ramming his shoulder into the door with a loud thud. A sharp pain shot up his shoulder, but the door still didn’t budge. Avery backed away once more before running into the door again. He could hear the wood creaking under the pressure through the ringing in his ears. He repeated the process over, and over, and over again until the door finally gave way with a loud crack. Avery could swear he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder that was definitely not supposed to be there but the adrenaline kept him numb enough for now.
The moment he stepped into the house, the foul stench of rot hit Avery in the face, his nose scrunching up in disgust. Avery didn’t have time to look around or make any observations, opting to go upstairs and throw every single door open after placing Gloop down on the counter instead, for efficiency.
After opening what felt like 33,550,336 doors, (It was 3) Avery flung the bedroom door open, finally finding the man he had been looking for.
The room emitted a foul smelling odor that seemed to be contained in the room until Avery pulled it open, now it was released outside. The room was littered with takeout boxes and bags, some were completely empty, some had crumbs left that were now growing mold, paper plates and a disgusting amount of empty Soylent bottles were lying scattered around the desk. ‘How does he even drink these, they taste like raw pancake batter’ Avery thought to himself.
Lying slumped onto the desk was a head of messy jet black hair. Derek. The man laid there, face down on the desk, unmoving. Avery’s heart dropped to the ground as he quickly rushed over, nearly tripping on a rogue bottle of Soylent on the way over.
“Derek-! Derek- Can you hear me-?! Shit-” Avery managed to choke out through bated breath as he shook the unmoving form gently. He could feel the tears welling up again. No, he can’t cry, not now, not when Derek needed him the most. Right now, he needs to be strong, for Derek, even if all he wanted to do was to break down and waste away, he wouldn’t– no he couldn’t. Not when Derek was counting on him.
Avery drew in a deep breath, steeling himself for the worst as he gently grabbed Derek’s arm, choosing to ignore how cold his skin was to the touch or how pale his skin was, becoming almost akin to a porcelain doll. He placed two fingers on his wrist with shaky hands, checking– no, praying for a pulse.
…
Avery felt..nothing. There was nothing.
His chest tightened to the point that he felt like it would burst. Bile rised up his throat, leaving a stinging, burning sensation behind.
…This couldn’t be happening right now. This is a dream, yeah, a dream. None of this was real. He was going insane. None of this is real. The silence was only making everything worse.
He felt as if all the air had been knocked out of his lungs, he couldn’t breathe.
Avery felt so...useless. So small. This feeling wasn’t foreign to him, on the contrary, it was a feeling he had grown accustomed to, something he had accepted as a part of himself a long time ago, but throughout all his 23 years on this earth, he had never felt this utterly helpless before, not like this. He could never do anything right, could he? All he had to do was listen, but he somehow messed that up as well. What a joke. He had failed himself, but worse of all, he had failed Derek.
“No...no..please..Derek..please- Please wake up. I’m sorry..I’m so sorry” He begged and prayed only for them to fall upon deaf ears. Tears streamed freely down his face now. Soon, sniffles became sobs and sobs morphed into Avery gasping for air.
…But even so, he refused to let go of Derek’s arm. Even as he was gasping for breath. Even as the adrenaline slowly faded, leaving his shoulder aching and stinging, he refused to let go. And suddenly he felt like a kid again, helpless, unable to do anything when it mattered the most. He would never change, would he? He would always be the same old Avery who always clung onto false hope, a futile dream, the same old Avery who didn’t know when or how to let go.
Even so, can’t a man still hope?
He clung onto Derek as if he was a lifeline, as if he was trying to breathe life into the man by sheer devotion alone.
But it wasn’t enough, it never was.
Avery was never enough.
That’s how it always was.
That’s how it always will be.
…thump…
Avery froze.
…thump…
Avery shot up, pressing his ear to Derek’s chest, His own heart thrumming in his chest. He heard it. He was sure of it.
…thump…
“..oh my god.” Avery whispered. Amidst the thrumming of his own chest, slow thumps could be heard from Derek’s chest in a steady rhythm, it was barely there, but it was there nonetheless.
“..Thank god..Thank the gods..” Avery nearly cried out in joy, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He rested his forehead on Derek’s thigh for a moment, trying to catch his breath.
He tried to stand but immediately collapsed back to the ground, his knees going weak. He opted to frantically scramble for his phone, dialing 911, explaining the situation, giving them Derek’s address and going through the motions. By the time he snapped out of his daze, he could hear the sirens and the thud of footsteps rushing up the stairs.
The paramedics rush into the room, quickly assessing the situation. They tried to transfer Derek onto a stretcher but Avery wouldn’t let go, still clinging onto him tightly. A paramedic literally had to pry his fingers from Derek’s pants just so they could move the ravenette to a lying position.
One paramedic gently guided Avery out of the room while the rest moved Derek onto a stretcher, securing him in place with belts and buckles. Avery’s eyes didn’t leave Derek’s limp form until he was completely out of sight, and even then, he still kept his eyes glued to the open door.
The paramedic led Avery over to the ambulance, their shoulder brushed against Avery’s causing him to wince in pain.
He didn’t know what was happening but when he arrived at the ambulance, the medics who were waiting outside rushed over to support him, making a fuss. He heard something along the lines of ‘..another stretcher’ but he wasn’t quite sure. His head was getting fuzzy and his ears felt like someone had stuffed a bunch of tissue paper in them, everything was muffled and soft so he couldn’t make out what anyone was saying at all.
He blinked and suddenly everything was sideways, weird, he didn’t remember lying down. His eyelids suddenly felt heavy and he was struggling to keep them open. He still tried his best, he had to see Derek, he had to make sure the ravenette was okay..He had to..
Black dots clouded his vision as he struggled to keep his eyes open. In his hazy vision, he saw a team of paramedics carrying someone out on a stretcher, long black hair peeked out from the edges. Avery felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Derek was going to be okay, he’s alive. Avery could rest easy now, knowing that Derek was in good hands.
Now that the imminent threat of Derek dying has passed, Avery felt a bit better, he felt lighter.
Avery lets his eyes shut, a shaky but content sigh slipped past his lips as he let everything slowly fade into emptiness, finally succumbing to exhaustion at long last.