Chapter Text
It’s a strange feeling, being nervous. It’s not something that she typically experiences. No matter what she’s up to – whether she’s about to play in a big game, whether she’s waiting for another call up – Tobin doesn’t get nervous. It’s not in her nature. So when she starts fidgeting on her way to the hotel, she knows that she’s got to figure out a way to stop this.
It’s only Kelley, she tells herself. She’s known Kelley for years and this shouldn’t change things. Just because it’s been a few months since they saw each other last, just because things like spring break have passed and Tobin’s tanner and stronger and signed to UNC, doesn’t mean that things between them won’t be the same. It’s only Kelley. The same Kelley who shows up to every camp with snacks from home in her suitcase and always shares her hair ties when Tobin needs one. It’s only Kelley, one of her closest friends since before she even knew what it was like to want to kiss someone.
Besides, she reasons, they’d agreed to see where they were and decide what they wanted to do. There’s nothing wrong with what’s been going on. They’ve been discreet and casual, and if Kelley comes back to camp and still wants to make out with Tobin and feel her up whenever they get a chance, then so be it.
It’s a short camp. Just a week, and everyone knows it’s the one that will decide the U20 World Cup roster. It’s just to check in and make sure that no one has been slacking off, and Tobin tells herself that if there’s anything worth being nervous about, it’s her chances of making that roster. The problem is though, that there’s no doubt in Tobin’s mind that she’ll make it. She knows she’s going to the World Cup. She knows she’s going to Russia.
So really, all she has to worry about is Kelley and she hates it. Tobin gets to the hotel and fiddles with the string bracelet on her wrist, wondering how cold of her it would be to rip it off and get rid of the evidence. It was supposed to be a friendship bracelet, but getting rid of it might save another friendship. Then again, Kelley isn’t supposed to care about what happens outside of camp – so what’s the big deal?
There isn’t one, she tells herself, letting go of the faded string. Kelley doesn’t have to know.
It’s typical for everyone to arrive in small groups or one by one, and Tobin is a little less than enthused about being one of the first people at camp. She takes her stuff to her room and then wanders down to the lobby where some of the other girls are hanging out, waiting for everyone else to arrive. Typically, it’s pretty easy to get lost in the cocoon that camp creates, the little bubble it forms to protect them from the outside world. But Tobin is having a hard time shaking things off right now, and the longer it takes Kelley to arrive, the more nervous she feels.
She drinks too much Gatorade and makes too many trips to the bathroom, and when Casey asks about it, Tobin just makes a smart comment about being properly hydrated ahead of their first practice tomorrow.
Cheney and Amy’s arrival calms her nerves minutely, and she lets the two of them tell her all about college while she listens quietly. She nods and laughs in all the right places, and for an hour or so, she feels at ease.
Kelley is the second to last to arrive, a delayed flight to blame for her late appearance. Everyone has already eaten dinner and some people have already gone to bed, but Tobin stays down with Amy who can’t stop gushing about some buy – whether or not it’s the same one she was talking about during their last camp together, Tobin can’t tell. Cheney’s already gone to bed, and since Tobin’s not rooming with her this time, she figured it was fine to let her head up alone. But now that Kelley’s here, Tobin doesn’t want to see her. She wishes she could disappear, wishes that she’d gone up to her room already. She doesn’t want to deal with seeing her, with saying hi to her. She doesn’t think she can handle it.
So she sinks down on the couch she’s sharing with Amy, letting her eyes droop as Amy lapses into silence.
“Long day?” Amy asks, and it’s funny how she can be so silly yet motherly.
“Yeah,” Tobin says with a yawn. “Probably should have gone to bed earlier.”
“We can head up if you want,” Amy offers. “I’m rooming with Casey so it’s not like I’ve got to worry about getting to bed before her because that’s going to happen anyway.”
Tobin laughs.
“I’m with Allie, which should be interesting.”
“If you wait long enough, she might actually be done in the bathroom,” Amy suggests, and Tobin nods.
“Maybe let’s give it a little longer then,” she suggests, and Amy smiles at her before sinking further down into the couch so they’re both slouched.
Tobin figures that it might take Kelley a little while to get her room assignment and say hi to the other people who had decided to stick around, so she’s not expecting Kelley to pounce before she gets a chance to head up with Amy. It happens though, with Kelley standing over Amy with a smile so tired but so wide that it’s baffling.
“Hey,” Kelley says, cheerful but clearly drained from her day. “Good to see you guys.”
“You too,” Amy says, smiling and leaning up so her and Kelley can hug each other. “How are you doing?”
“Just had one hell of a day,” Kelley says dramatically, the way she falls into Amy’s arms a dead giveaway for how exhausted she is. “I thought a later flight time would still be safe, but I wasn’t counting on that five-hour rain delay.”
“Rain delay,” Tobin muses, tucking her hands under her armpits, arms folded across her chest.
“Yes, a rain delay,” Kelley says, pulling away from Amy to look at Tobin inquisitively. “Do I get a hug, or…”
She trails off, looking confused at Tobin doesn’t make any sign of moving.
“I know you’re tired, but say hi,” Amy says, nudging Tobin’s leg.
Tobin reluctantly opens her arms, letting Kelley in for a soft hug. She smells like the stale air of an airplane cabin, but there’s something about burying her face in the side of Kelley’s head and hair that reminds her of the last time they were close to each other. Something in Tobin’s stomach jerks at the memory, and she tries to shake it off as Kelley slowly draws back and straightens up.
“Well, we should probably all go to bed,” Tobin says, sitting up and looking over at Amy. “It’s kind of late.”
“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Kelley asks Tobin, a small smile on her face. “Are Amy and Cheney slowly sucking the fun out of you?”
“I’m offended,” Amy announces before yawning as she stands up and stretches.
“Nah, I just want to be well rested for tomorrow,” Tobin says with a shrug as she stands up too. “Don’t you?”
Kelley bites her lip and looks at Tobin questioningly, but Tobin just shrugs again and starts off towards the elevator.
*
Kelley doesn’t waste any time the next morning. They’re supposed to be having a quick breakfast, but Kelley corners Tobin before she can get to the food and forces her into a relatively deserted hallway so they can talk. Tobin doesn’t have energy or willpower to resist her, wondering if maybe they can ignore this all together.
“Why are you acting so weird?” Kelley hisses quietly.
“I’m not,” Tobin says, but she knows she’s visibly uncomfortable and, well, Kelley isn’t an idiot.
“You are,” Kelley says stubbornly. “Either get over it or tell me why.”
Tobin spends a minute attempting to convince Kelley that nothing is wrong, but Kelley isn’t having it.
“Stop playing with that stupid bracelet or I’m going to cut your wrist off,” Kelley says harshly, voice growing in volume and attracting the brief attention of a couple of passerby.
Tobin puts her hands at her sides, trying to stand still and figure out a way to get out of this.
“I guess I’m just being stupid,” she says, hoping it might soften Kelley’s abrasive attitude. It doesn’t, however, and Tobin has to sigh and roll her eyes a little and brace herself to say what’s really going on. “Okay. So you know how we talked about picking up where we left off?”
“Yeah,” Kelley says just a little too quickly. “What about it?”
“Well, I just had a couple of questions about it,” Tobin says.
“If you don’t want to, that’s okay,” Kelley says carefully, watching Tobin’s face closely. “You don’t have to feel weird about it. I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. I’m not a monster, you know.”
“No, I know,” Tobin says, shaking her head. “Listen, I want to. I really do.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“What exactly did you mean by, go back home and live our lives?” Tobin asks hesitantly.
“Exactly that,” Kelley says, still eyeing Tobin in a very unnerving way. “What you get up to when I’m not around is up to you.”
“Um,” Tobin says, feeling flustered and nervous and a million other things she’s never felt before. “I don’t know if this was an okay thing to do or not.”
Kelley raises her eyebrows.
“Tobin, what did you do?”
She sounds interested, something Tobin wasn’t expecting. It catches her off guard, and she fumbles with her words as she tries to get herself together. It’s just Kelley, after all. This shouldn’t matter at all.
Except it does matter, because Tobin would really like to keep things going with her and she doesn’t want to mess this up. She wants to keep kissing Kelley among a myriad of other things – things she’s not quite ready to admit to anyone but herself yet.
“I kind of went to my family’s vacation place for spring break,” Tobin starts, not sure where to look. Kelley’s expression is starting to feel intrusive, and Tobin catches herself reaching for the damn friendship bracelet again. “And there was this other family there.”
“Alright,” Kelley says, bemused.
“There was a girl about my age,” Tobin says nervously, holding up her wrist. “She had a bunch of string and she made me a friendship bracelet.”
“Okay,” Kelley says, drawing the word out and squinting at the bracelet. “I mean, no offense, but that thing looks like it’s at the end of its life.”
Tobin figures that she’s got to just spit it out and get it over with.
“I might have kissed her a little.”
Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up even further, but she doesn’t look upset at all. Tobin waits with trepidation, wondering if Kelley’s mad at her.
“Did you just kiss her?”
“We made out once,” Tobin says, rushing over her words in a very uncharacteristic way. “It was late and we were in the water and no one else was around – but that was it. And I’m not sure that she liked it very much.”
“Well,” Kelley says, rubbing her chin. “Is that all?”
“Yeah,” Tobin says, praying that she’s not about to get chewed out or given the silent treatment here. Kelley seems way too calm.
“Good for you,” Kelley says approvingly, and Tobin’s brows draw together in confusion.
“What? You’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset?” Kelley asks. “You kissed a girl. That’s major, Tobin. Props to you for pulling that off.”
It figures that Kelley would react like this, Tobin thinks as she rolls her eyes. She shouldn’t have been worried about her reaction at all.
“I mean, I’d be pissed if you like, really hooked up with her or something,” Kelley continues. “I was kind of counting on us doing that together, if I’m going to be honest.”
“I kind of was too,” Tobin says.
“Good,” Kelley says, looking rather pleased with herself. “Good to know.”
“So we’re still cool?” Tobin makes sure.
“Duh,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “Tobin, kiss as many girls as you want. I don’t care. I’m not your keeper.”
A thought occurs to Tobin.
“Did you – “
“Does it matter?” Kelley asks. And really, it doesn’t. “Now come on, let’s get something to eat. Or else we’re going to starve all day.”
“I was actually planning on trying to kiss you a little while we have the chance,” Tobin says, shrugging and looking around the hallway. “But if you want to go, that’s fine.”
Kelley pouts for half a second before sighing.
“Fine,” she says, but it’s clear that she’s not sacrificing anything for this. “You can kiss me.”
Tobin doesn’t waste any time.
Kelley’s lips still feel the same underneath hers, and Tobin kisses her while wondering how long they’re going to be able to get away with this.
*
It’s something she doesn’t consider too seriously until a couple of nights later when they’re all hanging out after dinner. Tobin keeps throwing gummy bears into everyone’s mouth, one by one in a sort of game that they’d all come up with. She’s laughing and feeling high on life in general, especially after managing to get some time alone with Kelley after lunch earlier. They’d just made out in the equipment room, their hands tight on each other’s asses, nothing monumental, but it had felt amazing.
But then Casey says something flippant, something that Tobin doesn’t even really register until one of the other girls is clearing her throat and looking at Tobin expectantly instead of opening her mouth for the red gummy bear Tobin has in hand.
“Did you want a different color?” Tobin asks, holding up the bag. “I kind of like the green, to be honest.”
“We were just wondering when you and Kelley decided you were too good to hang out with us,” Casey says, clearly only superficially annoyed. “I mean come on, I know we’re about to spend the next four years together, but you can still hang out with me at camp.”
“Oh,” Tobin says, lowering the bag and popping the gummy bear in her own mouth. She chews slowly, thinking and buying herself some time.
“What’s wrong with us hanging out alone?” Kelley challenges.
Another girl laughs.
“I bet it’s embarrassing.”
“They’re probably just kicking the ball around, guys.”
“Casey’s just jealous, we all know that.”
The girls are all tittering and Tobin feels uncomfortable being the center of attention here, especially since she’s aware that her and Kelley have something to hide.
Tobin shares a panicked look with Kelley, readjusting her knit beanie so she has something to do as everyone laughs and looks between the two of them. Kelley’s eyes widen, and Tobin worries for a second that she’s going to be honest about everything.
“Tobin’s teaching me how to knit,” Kelley explains, easing the tension in Tobin’s shoulders.
Someone snorts.
“She’s really bad at it, actually,” Tobin says, watching Kelley mouth “you’re welcome” at her. “Horrible. Can barely get the hang of it.”
“You’re not that much better either,” Kelley retorts. “Kind of a shit teacher, actually.”
Tobin narrows her eyes at her, pelting her with an orange gummy bear.
“Hey, play nice,” Kelley says after catching the bear with her mouth. “
“I should be telling you to play nice,” Tobin tells her. “You’re the one who keeps asking me for lessons.”
Kelley scowls at her and Tobin shrugs in return.
Later on, Kelley catches Tobin alone for a brief moment.
“Now you’re actually going to have to teach me how to knit,” Kelley says, completely unimpressed despite the fact that it was her who came up with the idea.
“Just be glad that I managed to convince people that they didn’t want to join our lessons,” Tobin says darkly.
“I wouldn’t mind learning with a few other people,” Kelley says, wiggling her eyebrows. It’s Tobin’s turn to be unimpressed, rolling her eyes pointedly. “Fine. It is what it is. But you’re going to have to teach me something. Or at least make me a half finished hat to wave around at people.”
“I’m sure we can squeeze in a little knitting,” Tobin tells her.
“But first,” Kelley says, her voice going low as she looks around them, making sure that no one is eavesdropping, “I’m kind of dying over here. A girl can only handle so much.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Tobin tells Kelley. “Listen, if you can figure something out, I’m game. It’s just a little difficult when we’ve both got roommates who can walk in at any time.”
“I’ll think of something,” Kelley says determinedly. “I mean, you’re nice to make out with and all, but like I said. Kind of dying.”
Tobin rolls her eyes for what feels like the millionth time.
“Goodnight, Kelley,” she says before they part ways for the time being.
*
Tobin likes being at camp. She likes how every day is different from the previous, how sometimes they get rained out and sometimes they have indoor training and sometimes they just get to be on the field all day long. But some of her favorite days of all are the team bonding days.
It’s the second to last full day of camp, and it’s clear that the coaches have taken note of the lack of days off so far. They announce in the morning a sort of scavenger hunt around town, something that has everyone perking up and paying attention despite the fact that most of them are still half asleep. There are lists and assigned groups, and Tobin is kind of bummed that she’s without Amy or Cheney, but she’s still excited. They’re told to meet in the lobby after breakfast, and then it’s a mad rush to finish eating so they can get started.
Tobin is contemplating calling in a favor with Kelley – she’s not sure she currently has any, but surely Kelley can be convinced – so they can switch groups and Tobin can be with Cheney at the very least. Before she can though, Kelley corners her at the fruit station in a rather aggressive way.
“Get out of this,” Kelley says, her lips barely moving as she speaks in a low voice. It feels a little ridiculous, like this is some sort of serious operation being set into motion.
“What?” Tobin asks, confused.
“Fake sick. Play dumb. Disappear. I don’t care what it takes. Just get out of this.”
It dawns on Tobin, leading to a long drawn out “oh” that makes Kelley roll her eyes.
“I’m serious,” Kelley says.
“I know,” Tobin says, nodding. “I mean, it’s not a bad idea.”
“It’s our only chance,” Kelley points out, and she’s right. Tomorrow is full of scheduled practices and it’s unlikely that they’ll find enough time in between to do any more than they’ve done yet. Tobin’s been pretty good at controlling herself so far, but that’s only because she’s both afraid of being caught and of making a fool out of herself. While the latter is likely something that will remain no matter the circumstances, the former can at least be rectified if everyone is out of the hotel in a mad dash to win a scavenger hunt in the name of glory.
“I was kind of looking forward to bonding with everyone I don’t know here,” Tobin begins, and Kelley snorts. It’s not true at all, of course. All of the girls at camp have known each other for ages, and it’s not as though there’s anything left to learn about each other. “But I guess I can save that for another time.”
“Excellent,” Kelley says, smiling widely. “So you go and get out of this, and I’m going to meet you in your room within the next hour. Okay?”
“Okay,” Tobin says.
She feels a little breathless, like she can’t believe they’re actually doing this. She never thought she’d be the type to skip a camp activity in favor of hooking up with one of her teammates, but that was before she was aware of the appeal of such an activity. Now that she knows, though?
Tobin isn’t missing this for the world.