Chapter Text
BRISEIS II & PATROCLUS I
midons (+ others)
2 : 30 PM dio brando (diomedes) : you are TOO gay for my liking
2 : 30 PM chilchuck (teucer) : the one friend that’s too gay [sticker]
2 : 31 PM pat (patroclus) : ALL I did was express my interest for alucard why am i being jumped right now wtf
2 : 32 PM auto (automedon) : his mom is right there you are on some straight bullshit patroclus
2 : 33 PM pat : do i look like i fancy pussy to you automedon
2 : 33 PM chilchuck : did u not sleep with Iphis??? You still r???
2 : 34 PM pat : timezones bro
2 : 34 PM hibiscus (iphis) : timezones bro
2 : 35 PM alexander (achilles) : HELP
2 : 35 PM dio brando : patroclus’s number 1 dick glazers here
2 : 36 PM alexander : DUDE it’s serious, ok ill explain it quick, my mom adopted this girl bcs of something and now shes living at our house dude its so fucking akward bcs i feel so guilty
2 : 37 PM nobody (odysseus) : You spelled awkward wrong, by the way.
2 : 37 PM alexander : literally dont step outside alone again without protection
2 : 38 PM nobody : [sticker]
2 : 38 PM alexander : oh eat shit and die
2 : 39 PM hibiscus : depending on ur current situation, it seems like you wanna do that more. Achilles it’ll be fine, it’s like having a little sister!
2 : 40 PM alexander : YEA EXCEPT SHES OUR AGE
2 : 40 PM locust (antilochus) : you need female touch in your life
2 : 41 PM dio brando : ur mom doesnt count
2 : 41 PM alexander : oh eat shit dude whatever
2 : 41 PM alexander : also can you guys come with me to ikea on saturday, bro im not gonna b alone w her
2 : 42 PM hibiscus : it feels like you’re hiding something from her
2 : 43 PM nobody : ts why context clues matter, its so obvious he is,
2 : 44 PM pat : achilles wait gen/ what did you do
2 : 45 PM alexander : NOTHING talking to girls my age just makes me annoyed
2 : 46 PM hibiscus : homomayo-moid
2 : 46 PM chilchuck : what does that even mean??!??
2 : 47 PM hibiscus : we’ll never know
2 : 48 PM nobody : she just called achilles a gay, pasty white, male humanoid
2 : 50 PM dio brando : to be fairrrr…
2 : 51 PM alexander : i cant count on you guys for shit sm1 just come w me to ikea ill buy you whatever u wngat
2 : 52 PM hisbiscus : quiet mayosapien, ill go, is she a true eve or what
2 : 53 PM pat : buzz word buzz word buzz word
2 : 54 PM alexander : she’s like black and stuff
2 : 55 PM hibiscus : oh u know im going, is she a true eve or not damn man answer
2 : 56 PM alexander : yes shes a true eve
2 : 57 PM pat : ill go too [replying]
3 : 00 PM roxana (deidameia) : achilles i dont like that ur jut hanging out with a random girl
3 : 00 PM nobody : just **
3 : 01 PM roxana : 😒
3 : 01 PM roxana : can I come too?
3 : 02 PM alexander : uh my mom wanted to have a girls thing with you this weekend so i dont think so sorry
3 : 02 PM roxana : seriously? It’s like you never wanna hang out with me, im literally your girlfriend and you wanna hang with some random girl
3 : 03 PM alexander : okay 1, i dont have to be up your ass all day every day and 2, phoenix told me i should because its just common courtesy and i feel bad for her
3 : 04 PM roxana : okay then ill reschedule with ur mom and go with you guys
3 : 04 PM alexander : dude whatever
3 : 05 PM dio brando : whole house mad..
3 : 06 PM alexander : [sticker]
3 : 07 PM dio brando : [sticker]
3 : 07 PM alexander : dude im gonna kill you dont even joke like that
3 : 08 PM dio brando : do it then pussy
3 : 09 PM pat : ACTUALLY. Diomedes thhats reallyyy sexist because it insinuates women are weak and useless
3 : 10 PM hibiscus : look whos fighting for womens rights
3 : 11 PM alexander : thats my man btw
3 : 11 PM roxana : ???
3 : 12 PM alexander : oh my god i just forgot the s after mans, calm down jesus,
3 : 13 PM roxana : whatever
Roxana and Alexander have left the chat
Several people are typing….
Achilles put down his phone with a sigh, letting it rest on his stomach. This was a mess. He was a mess.
He should tell Briseis the truth, that he had a hand in what happened to her family. But how was she supposed to react to that? It would make everything worse. The house already felt tense enough.
Still, talking to her while hiding it made him feel worse. Like he was doing it all over again.
And then there was Deidamia. She just… kept getting under his skin. Everything felt tangled, and he had no intention of sorting it out.
Saturday couldn’t come fast enough.
Why did he even care this much? She was just some girl. He needed to calm down. Patroclus and Iphis would be there. He wouldn’t be alone. Then he remembered Deidamia was coming too.
He groaned. It wasn’t like he hated her but he didn’t like her either. They’d been “together” since they were younger, mostly because of his mother. Thetis had always pushed it.
She wanted him separated from Patroclus, back when they used to be inseparable. And she cared too much about appearances. About him having the kind of life she never did. Achilles dragged himself up and got dressed—shorts, a zip-up, an undershirt, and his Converse. He snapped a quick photo and sent it to the group chat.
10 : 12 AM alexander : [photo]
10 : 12 AM pat : next time I talk to you, youre walking out of that conversation 8 months PREGNANT
10 : 13 AM hibiscus : yea what he said [replying to pat]
10 : 13 AM dio brando : that one friend thats too gay
10 : 14 AM pat : next time i see you im fighting you
10 : 14 AM dio brando : try it pussy boy
10 : 15 AM pat : i DONT understand why im being referred to with vaginal references
10 : 15 AM alexander : even if ur for me u still have a little straight in you
10 : 16 AM pat : how?!?
10 : 17 AM chilchuck : did i not see u and iphis making out like a week ago
10 : 17 AM hibiscus : timezones bro
10 : 18 AM alexander : wait where are you guys i dont see you yet
10 : 19 AM pat : uehhh making out in iphis’s car
10 : 19 AM alexander : let me watch assholes
10 : 20 AM hisbiscus : homogayball-mayosapienus-magacock sucking bih
10 : 21 AM chilchuck : why do we pass over her words everytime i dont understand it what is a maga cock WHAT IS MAYOSPAIENUSS???
10 : 22 AM nobody : gay, gay, ball, white pasty sapiens, maga genetalia that turns liberals maga, female dog
10 : 23 AM hibiscus : you help nothing odysseus
10 : 23 AM nobody : watch ur back
10 : 24 AM hibiscus : [sticker]
10 : 24 AM hibiscus : [sticker]
10 : 25 AM nobody : OH FUCK YOU DONT REMIND ME
10 : 26 AM alexander : i found u guys
10 : 27 AM alexander : [im so scared sticker] they actually r kissing bro let mme join
10 : 28 AM pat : get in the car
Alexander, pat, and hibiscus have left the chat
Achilles slipped into the car quickly—her car, a pink Jeep that smelled like a Victoria's Secret store. In the back seat, Iphis and Patroclus were kissing.
Not like he hadn’t seen it before. They had their thing—messy, undefined. And Achilles… wasn’t exactly outside of it either. Just quieter about it. Especially with Deidamia around. He leaned in slightly, voice low. “You guys might wanna wrap it up. Phoenix said she already got dropped off.” Patroclus pulled back first, a little flushed. “Seriously?” Iphis barely reacted, just glanced at Achilles like it wasn’t a big deal.
“Dude,” Patroclus muttered, shifting, trying to pull himself together. “I can’t go out like this. I’m hard” “Then fix it,” Iphis said, shrugging. “The audacity—” he started, but Achilles cut him off, leaning in and kissing him quick, like it was nothing. “We don’t have time,” Achilles said, pulling back with a small grin. “Unless you want Phoenix showing up.” Patroclus exhaled, annoyed but not arguing. Iphis leaned back, already over it.
“Are we done,” she said, starting the car, “or do you both need another minute?” “Another minute.” Achilles grinned.
—------------------------------------------------
Briseis didn’t wanna go outside. Bright lights and glass still made her a tad bit nervous but she’d survive.
Plus she needed to get outside! This would be good for her.
If only, the person who was supposed to help her was here. She stood at the entrance of Ikea waiting, and waiting..and waiting. It turned out that quickie took a little longer than they thought it would. She saw three figures running up to her. One girl and two boys. It was Achilles, and presumably his friends. And Jesus, she felt like an ogre compared to them. They were hot, all three of them.
The girl smiled at her, she was beautiful. She was blonde, and smelled amazing. And had like, the softest hands Briseis had ever touched. She was wearing some crop top which showed off her waist nicely, MissMe shorts, jordans and a bunch of other accessories.
The guy next to Achilles was handsome too. He had curlier hair that was tied up, and a pretty basic outfit but despite it, he pulled it off nice.
She blushed, no way she was checking out three random fucking people she’d never talked to. But before she could speak up, another girl popped up beside Achilles. She didn’t seem to like Briseis. She was beautiful too. With her brown curls and red lips, but she had a sneer on her face, directed at Briseis.
Seriously, what was it with these people?
Why did everyone hate her?
She just internally sighed and stuffed her hands into her hoodie pockets, fishing out her Ipod to play some music. And walked behind them, she’d made a list of things she needed for her room. It wasn’t too much, and she’d estimated the cost.
A few duvet sets, some pillows, a table and chair, and a dresser. Which came out to a total of one hundred to two hundred dollars if she picked the cheapest things she could find. She just wanted to get through this without any problems. But it seemed the universe was against her. Because suddenly, Iphis was walking beside her. “Hi! So, you’re Briseis, right? Can I call you Bri?” Iphis asked with a small smile.
Briseis stared at her for a second. She looked so…cool. Like one of those Y2K girls from the 2000s Briseis had always envied. “Dude, no way. Is that a vintage Aeropostale shirt?” Briseis asked immediately, eyes widening as she pointed at it. Holy shit, it was amazing. Iphis brightened instantly. “Haha, yeah. I got it from, like, Dolphin Mall, I think.”
“Nah. It was Goodwill,” the brown-haired boy cut in before Briseis could say anything else.
“I remember you screaming over it, Iphis.”
“Shut up, Pat.” “
Yeah, shut up, Pat,” the brown-haired girl with cherry-red lips from earlier added lazily. It was the first time she’d spoken. Achilles immediately shot her an annoyed look.
Wow.
And Briseis thought Achilles disliked her.
The girl rolled her eyes. “Can’t you at least try to have some human decency and introduce yourself? Jesus.” Achilles complained.
She sounded irritated even while talking. “My name is Deidamia,” she finally said. “I’m Achilles’s girlfriend.” The way she said girlfriend sounded smug on purpose. Right after, she wrapped herself around Achilles’s arm.
Achilles looked deeply uncomfortable about it, but didn’t say anything. “Oh. That’s cool,”
Briseis said awkwardly. “You guys look…nice together.”
Deidamia smiled a little too sweetly at that. They kept walking through the store until they reached the desks and tables section. Briseis immediately spotted a smaller one tucked near the end of the aisle. “If it’s not a problem, I think I’d like this one,” she said, pointing to it.
Achilles checked the price tag. “Forty-nine dollars?” He looked up at her, unimpressed. “Do you think I’m broke or something? A fifty-dollar table’s gonna fall apart in two months. Plus, it’s tiny.”
His tone wasn’t exactly mean, but it still caught her off guard. “Achilles,” Pat said quickly, before the mood could get worse, “don’t get mad at her, man. She’s just trying to be nice.”
Achilles looked at Pat for a long second before exhaling sharply through his nose. “I’m not mad,” he muttered. “Just get a better table. That’s all I’m saying.” In the end, Briseis ended up choosing a much nicer desk.
It had shelves built into the side, little drawers, and even a vanity mirror attached to it. Somehow, it still wasn’t horribly expensive.
Now she and Iphis wandered through another aisle together with the cart, grabbing random things she needed while Pat, Achilles, and Deidamia disappeared somewhere else. “Do you think Achilles hates me?” Briseis asked suddenly.
Iphis blinked. “What? No.” Briseis shrugged, pretending to focus on the throw pillows stacked nearby. “I don’t know. He always sounds annoyed when he talks to me.” Iphis snorted softly. “That’s kinda just how Achilles talks.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. He’s dramatic. And kind of terrible at sounding normal.”
Briseis laughed quietly at that. “He wouldn’t be here helping you if he hated you,” Iphis added. “Trust me.” Briseis pushed the cart forward slowly. “His girlfriend definitely hates me, though.” “Oh, Deidamia hates everybody,” Iphis said immediately. Briseis let out a surprised laugh. “That’s so mean.” “It’s true,” Iphis defended.
“She got mad at me once because I used her lip gloss without asking.”
“That’s insane.”
“Exactly.” Iphis grinned. “So don’t take it personally.”
—------------------------------------------------------
Patroclus couldn’t figure Achilles out today.
He’d been restless the entire trip, all sharp edges and short answers.
Sure, Deidamia being here soured the mood for everyone, but this felt different. Achilles kept drifting off mid-conversation like his mind was somewhere else entirely. “Are you still thinking about the accident?”
Patroclus asked quietly as they walked past another row of shelves. “Briseis doesn’t seem to hold it against you, despite the fact you literally totaled her family with a car. I’d say that’s a pretty good start.” Achilles snorted softly, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets.
“Yeah, she forgave me. But, like…aren’t girls usually nice like that?”
The confidence in his voice sounded forced. Patroclus glanced at him sideways.
He didn’t buy it for a second. “Some are,” he said carefully. Then, after a pause, “Some aren’t.”
He tilted his head slightly toward Deidamia walking a few feet behind them, scrolling on her phone with a look of permanent irritation painted across her face. Deidamia looked up just long enough to glare at them.
“I can literally hear you, by the way.” “Congratulations,” Patroclus replied flatly. Achilles laughed under his breath, but it faded too quickly. Patroclus noticed it immediately.
Something was wrong.
Achilles kept acting like there was something he wanted to say, then stopping himself at the last second. They turned another corner, passing lamps and boxed-up shelves stacked taller than Patroclus.
Deidamia wandered off toward some display mirrors, muttering something about bad lighting. Patroclus turned back toward Achilles, and froze. “Achilles?” Nothing. He looked down the aisle. Empty. “Hey,” Patroclus called louder, brows furrowing. “Achilles?”
No answer.
Patroclus stared for a second in disbelief before dragging a hand down his face.
“Oh, gods.”
—-------------------------------
Briseis was comparing two desk lamps while Iphis sat inside one of the display chairs spinning slowly in circles. “I’m telling you,” Iphis said seriously, “LED lights change lives.” “You sound like you’re in a cult.”
“I am. The pretty room cult.”
Briseis laughed under her breath, setting one of the lamps back. Honestly, this was way less awkward than she expected today to be. The sound of hurried footsteps made her glance up.
Achilles had appeared at the end of the aisle.
He looked…off.
Not in the dramatic, brooding way he usually did either.
Actually off. Slightly out of breath, curls messy like he’d been running his hands through them, eyes scanning the aisle until they landed on her. Then his shoulders loosened. Weird. “You disappeared,” Iphis said immediately. Achilles ignored her completely. “You still need the chair?” Briseis blinked. “Uh. Yeah, I think so.” “Get a good one,” he said quickly.
“Not one of those cheap plastic ones. You’re gonna regret it later.”
“There’s nothing wrong with plastic chairs,” Iphis argued. “There is if you sit in them for eight hours.”
Briseis watched him carefully while he spoke. He wouldn’t really look directly at her for more than a second before glancing away again. Like he was nervous. Which made absolutely no sense. “I found one earlier,” she said slowly, pointing farther down the aisle.
“But it was kinda expensive.”
“How expensive?”
“Like…120?” Achilles barely reacted. “That’s fine.” Briseis stared at him. “Achilles, that is not fine.” “It is for me.” There it was again. That strange guilt in his voice. Not pity exactly. Something heavier. Before she could think too hard about it, Achilles reached over and absentmindedly adjusted the lamp box sticking halfway out of the cart before it could fall.
“You liked the white desk better, right?” he asked. Briseis paused. “I mentioned that like…an hour ago.” Achilles froze for half a second, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. “I just remembered,” he muttered.
Iphis looked between them suspiciously but wisely stayed quiet. Briseis didn’t know why that tiny detail unsettled her so much. Someone who hated her wouldn’t remember things like that.
Briseis kept staring at him for a second too long. Achilles noticed immediately and looked away first, pretending to examine a shelf of storage bins beside him. “So,” Iphis said slowly, clearly sensing the weird tension in the air, “I’m gonna go find Pat before Deidamia kills him.” “Smart choice,” Achilles muttered. Iphis pointed at Briseis before leaving.
“Don’t let him bully you into buying some millionaire chair.”
“I’m not a millionaire,” Achilles called after her. “You literally have a black card!”
“That proves nothing!”
Iphis disappeared around the corner laughing. And just like that, Briseis was alone with him. The silence felt awkward almost instantly. Achilles shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets again.
“You hungry?”
“What?”
“There’s a food court.”
“Oh.” Briseis blinked. “Uh, not really.”
He nodded quickly. “Right. Cool.” God, he was acting weird.
Briseis leaned lightly against the cart handle. “Did I do something?” Achilles looked genuinely startled. “What? No.” “You keep looking at me like you’re about to confess to a crime.” His expression dropped for the smallest second.
Too fast for her to fully read, but enough to make her stomach twist. “That’s…specific,” he said carefully. Briseis laughed awkwardly. “Sorry. You’re just intense.” “Yeah,” Achilles muttered. “I get that a lot.” Another silence.
Briseis glanced down at the cart, fiddling with one of the little paper tags hanging off a pillow. “Iphis says you don’t hate me.” Achilles frowned immediately. “Why would you think I hate you?” “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “You always seem angry around me.” “I’m not angry at you.” The answer came too fast. Briseis looked up again, caught off guard by how serious he suddenly sounded. Achilles rubbed a hand over the back of his neck before speaking again, quieter this time.
“I just…” He stopped himself. “You just what?” His jaw tightened.
For a second, she really thought he was finally going to say whatever he’d been hiding all day. But then footsteps echoed from the next aisle. “Achilles!” Deidamia’s voice snapped through the moment.
“Where the hell did you go?”
Achilles closed his eyes briefly like he was in physical pain. And Briseis noticed it. Briseis suddenly had the strange feeling Deidamia interrupted something important.