Chapter Text
“Looks clear!” Nepeta calls from a good few stories above their heads, wide grin stretching across her face as the branch she’s crouched on bounces. With an apparent death wish in her heart, she leaps from the treetop, sliding down the trunk with one claw as Karkat winces, cringing into himself.
[“Damn, dude, stop clutching your pearls. That was sick.”] Nepeta by no means speaks a word of his human language, but Dave has managed to train her like a barkbeast into bumping fists over the, what, one night they’ve been in her cavern? Her smile stretches even wider as she turns to Karkat.
“You have my map, right?” Karkat nods sharply, pulling out the scrap of paper she’d provided earlier that morning. “There aren’t a lot of olives out here– or much of anything, really.” She once again traces the path she’d pointed out for them. “It’s pretty lucky that’s the direction you’re headed.”
Karkat meets her gaze. She blinks, slowly, smile faltering. “You know where you’re going, right?”
“Absolutely not. What the fuck does ‘funny looking tree’ mean?”
“What it sounds like! It’s–” She huffs. “You ARE gonna find– it. You’re–”
“Don’t you dare lose your composure right now. I’m hanging by a thread, and it’s tacked on to one of the few strands of dignity you’ve got left. I’ll try my best not to walk right into a ravenous olive’s neighborhood, okay? The map is great.”
“Well, you better.” Her voice drops into something a bit more tender. Her eyes crinkle at the corners. No, you know this body languag-
She latches onto Karkat’s side in an aggressive hug, who squawks and tilts to the side. He shakes his arm like he’s trying to shake off a cobweb. “NEPETA-”
“Just let me have this one!” She cries out in response. Desite Karkat’s protestations, she isn’t budging an inch. It only takes a second for him to finally give up. She chokes down a giggle.
Karkat glances to Dave, who stands a few feet away, hopping back and forth on his feet. Nepeta follows his gaze.
“Ok, well that’s you…” She turns to the human, thinking hard. “What was it again? Uh-”
“Good - Bye!” She beams. The strangled syllables make about as much sense as any other English word to Karkat’s ears, but the human’s brow furrows. It takes him an all too obvious moment to process the intent. When it clicks, he grins.
“[See ya, dude.] Goodbye.” He nods, raising two fingers in a salute. “You good, Kat?”
“...Good.”
He takes a step forward, looking ahead into the thick forest. He glances back over his shoulder.
“Tell me all about it this time, okay?” Nepeta’s smile has still not faded as she stands, almost silhouetted by the warm firelight shining out of her cave. It strikes him how small she seems, in that moment. “Please message me. I mean, unless it’s really that dangerous, but–”
“I will, Nepeta.”
—----
CG: YOU SURE YOU CAN ACTUALLY NAVIGATE WITH THAT MAP?
TG: fuck it sure
TG: i mean that rock certainly looked like the little doodle she left on here
TG: catwoman’s an arteest
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT’S ABOUT AS GOOD AS I COULD DO.
TG: just leave it to me
TG: number one human wilderness survival expert on the planet
TG: get ready to get your ass escornrjg
Karkat only watches with half-lidded eyes as the pale human faceplants over a half-rotted log.
—----
Karkat was hiding. Again.
He thought he’d heard an all-too-mechanical whirring overhead, and immediately launched into code red. He could still feel his pulse beating in his ears. Dave’s expression was impassive, a little confused– but it had to have been something, right?
Without a second thought, he’d dived into a mass of reeds on the riverbank they’d been following for the past several hours, concealing himself as deep as he can with the frail stalks. And by Gog was he regretting it now.
He peers through the tangle of plant matter obscuring his vision, just barely able to perceive the silhouette of Dave, hanging off the side of a trunk. Reeds poke into his ass. They worm in under his clothing just to nick at his skin. It’s a sensory nightmare, and his now wet bottom half was not helping matters in the slightest. He forces quiet, shaky breaths in and out as he waits. It was fine, right? it had gone past, no incident? Why the hell did he have to choose this spot? Just say it already–
“All good.”
Karkat releases a heavy breath as he spills out of the reeds. He collapses on to the sandy bank, pulse slowly fading.
“[Dude.] That’s,[ about, the] fourth time you’ve done this in… an hour [or two?]” He holds out a hand. Karkat takes it, pulling himself upright. Blood rushes to his head, and he sways where he stands. He feels Dave’s hand on his shoulder, holding him steady. His warmth pulses through Karkat’s body.
Dave’s frustrated. Karkat can feel it. Just… Being thoughtful. He’s tolerating it, but– did he really not hear anything? Was he going crazy? Could he afford to not be so paranoid, considering…
“Pause?” Dave almost whispers next to him. Karkat steadies himself, turning to face Dave. They’re okay. For now, at least. They’ve been going for– who knows how long, now, without a rest. They probably need it.
“Pause.” He huffs it out before plopping on to the sand. Dave follows suit. Karkat scans the environment as he wipes sand off his clothing. They had spent who knows how long drinking as much as they could from the running water, bacteria be damned. It was the first time they’d found a water source since setting out– a night? Two nights? Ago? Damn, he really was exhausted– his thinkpan felt sluggish.
It’s a nice spot, at least. The canopy above is fairly dense, blocking sight from the sky. Colorful foliage frames the little river, which gurgles pleasantly, a gentle undercurrent to the sound of the wind pushing through the leaves. They’d need to find somewhere more secure to rest, but it’ll do for now.
He looks at Dave, impassive as ever, lost in thought.
He pulls out his palmhusk-
The human slaps a hand over the device, pushing it down. He’s alive, again, turned to face the trool. Karkat glances up at him, inscrutable as always behind those blackened lenses. He pulls the phone back– the human tugs it towards himself. He pulls again, but Dave rips the husk out of his hand and stands up. “No.”
“The fuck do you MEAN-”
“[Practice], dude. Human speak [only]. Go for it.”
“Why.” What is he plotting?
[“Practice.”] “Get [better].” Karkat only blinks. “Get good.”
Ah. So torture was his answer? Taking away his only lifeline on this hellish hike? “Give… me…” What was the goddamn word in that evil, whiny mess of phonemes? “Fucking PHONE.”
“Hell yeah man. That’s [the way].” A grin is stretching across his face. Karkat wants nothing more than to punch it. “But ask for it.”
“DAVE… I KILL YOU. I KILL YOU. I KILL YOU AGAIN. PHONE. NOW.” He lunges forward, trying to grab Dave’s arm– but he hops to his feet, steps back with one foot, extending his stupidly long arms above his head.
“Uh-uh-uh.” He tilts the phone to the rhythm, teasing. Karkat pushes to his feet and stalks forward in pursuit, Dave walking backwards, matching his pace. Where is he–
“Ask me to give you it. In human. [Politely,] if you please. [Show] me that alien [charm], Kitkat.” He’s walking backwards up the shore– dangerously close to the water. It takes everything in Karkat’s power to stop himself from tackling him to the ground.
“FUCK. Give me phone now. Thank you.” Karkat holds out a hand.
“It’s please.”
“Please!”
“Eh, [close enough.]” He lowers the hand holding the husk. What is- “Good job.” He swings his arm back in an underhand toss–
“ASSHOLE! FUCK! NO! NO WATER!” Did he want them both dead? Was there a single pulse of electricity through his dull little thinkpan? Let alone the human’s finesse, if Karkat couldn’t catch that device–
“Wait, what? These [gross little] things can’t [handle] water?” The human peers at the small yellow bug still inserted partway into the charging port. He pokes it– the shock causes him to flinch.
“Stupid. No. Water can’t…” Fuck. What did he say? He racks his brain for every jumble of phonemes he’s managed to cram in there. “Do…” Close enough. “them.”
Dave just meets his gaze, and cocks his head slightly to the side. Gog damn it. Well, there’s a more efficient means of communication to get his point across. He snaps the husk from Dave’s hands.
He plants himself on the riverbank, kneeling down, positioning his feet to stay clear of any water contact. He holds the palmhusk out to the surface of the water–
In his peripheral, Dave jumps back out of his skin as the electricity audibly hisses across the water’s surface.
“[Holy] shit.” He readjusts his glasses, eyebrows popping up above the rim. “Okay. [Message received.]”
“Hol-y?”
“Uhhhh.” Dave pauses, looking Karkat up and down. “Yeah, no, that’s a [whole] fuckin’ [lecture in its own right.] No [shot we’d get anywhere until the sun rises. Professor] Dave’s [vetoing] that shit. I know you’re looking for every expletive in the English language, but hol-”
And there goes the motormouth. What did Dave just say, again? It sounded right in context. “M- Messa-” Nope. He lost it. Just a word of approval, something that’ll cut him off– “Okay.”
“Dude, you [understood] that? That [whole] thing?”
“Y-yes.” He forces a grin. Sure. All of it. Not like he’d taught himself how to pick out words in context out of sheer desperation. His teacher had a tendency of rambling. “Human speak good.”
“[Up top.] A [maestro already. K-dawg’s ready to drop an album.]” He holds up a hand– this ritual, he knows for sure. Karkat slaps it at full force, sending Dave stumbling back a few steps. Every time– the harder he slaps, the wider Dave’s shit eating grin stretches.
TG: ok fine you can be free
TG: cant go too long without you getting the full majesty of my zingers
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I SHOULD THROW MY PALMHUSK INTO THE FUCKING RIVER.
CG: FUCK IT. I DON’T NEED TO COMPREHEND YOUR RAMBLING.
CG: I WILL SPITE MY WAY INTO LEARNING YOUR ENTIRE GOGDAMN LANGUAGE.
TG: dude everything you do is out of spite
TG: you learned how to insult me before introducing yourself was even on the table so i ‘COULDNT RUN FROM A CHATLOG LIKE A MEEK LITTLE WRIGGLER’ lmao
CG: WELL? SWEARS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF ANY VOCABULARY, DIPSHIT.
CG: NUANCED. MULTIPURPOSED. EVEN YOUR PATHETIC ‘ENGLISH’ UNDERSTANDS THEIR POWER.
TG: just wait until you hear about slurs
CG: WHAT?
TG: actually no your horned ass is gonna be a hard sell already
TG: god can you imagine a gray horned little bug showing up and shooting off at the mouth like a twelve year old in a cod lobby
TG: that fuckin rules maybe i should
CG: NOW IMAGINE INSTEAD AN ALIEN FLESHY SACK OF MOISTURE STUMBLING TOWARDS YOU LIKE A WARBLING MOUND OF GELATINOUS SLOP, RAPPING INANELY IN STRUNG TOGETHER TROLLIAN AND YOULL GET A PICTURE OF THE LAST FEW WEEKS OF MY LIFE.
TG: dude I aint rapping for shit in your bug language im losing this exchange if were being real
TG: your english actually functions already
CG: YOURE DECENT. CONSIDERING THE MISERABLE STATE OF YOUR BREATH CHUTE.
TG: i know what five words in trollian
TG: you just got through a whole ass conversation from a few weeks of my bullshit thats a miracle right there
TG: youre a linguistic mastermind gonna get you writing shakespeare any one of these days
CG: HAH. I CAN SHOW YOU HUMANS TRUE CULTURE. EXPOSE YOUR PEOPLE TO DECENT LITERATURE. OR I CAN DREAM THAT ANY HUMAN ALIVE HAS BETTER TASTE THAN YOU.
TG: youve shown me all too much of that culture man
TG: dont undersell our masterpieces
TG: dude
TG: gotta subject you to human movie night
TG: gonna force you to marathon every romcom I’ve ever heard of and if its reached my insulated ears its gotta be fire
TG: all night staring at a screen no rest until every possible configuration of somewhat relevant movie stars in the 2000s have visibly kissed
CG: NO, NO, NEVER, I WOULD RATHER
CG: …
CG: THAT SOUNDS
CG: FUN, ACTUALLY.
TG: holy shit kat
TG: i have never seen you cut yourself off of an opportunity to insult me are you getting a troll cold
TG: do troll colds amplify your thoughtfulness glands your gratitude nubs or some shit make you actually appreciate the hard work of your laborers
TG: not cuss your buddy out every forty steps
It hits him as he stares at his device. He feels his pulse grow more intense as he guesses what it’ll look like– their little movie nights, just the same as they’d been doing for weeks, but… Somewhere else. How did Dave describe it, again? Cloth furniture. A flat, large screen. No ‘bugs’, clean rectangles. Dave’s home. An alien planet, but somewhere safe.
He looks up at the human, who meets his gaze with a wry smirk. He’s confused. Karkat suddenly feels pressure behind his eyes. He could feel it– he was excited for something. Something on Earth.
CG: ITS REALLY HAPPENING.
CG: IM GOING.
TG: yeah
TG: on that
TG: all systems go?
CG: I DONT HAVE A CHOICE.
TG: wow dude youre glowing with excitement i can tell just so ready to make a splash on a brand new planet
CG: NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE THAT.
CG: I MEAN… I CANT REGRET THIS. IM NOT GOING TO REGRET THIS.
CG: I WONT LET MYSELF REGRET THIS.
CG: YOUVE GIVEN ME A CHANCE TO LIVE.
CG: EVERYONE HAS. NEPETA, SOLLUX– ID BE DEAD TWENTY TIMES OVER WITHOUT THEM. AND YOU.
CG: IF I JUST. THREW THAT AWAY?
CG: WHAT KIND OF SCUM DOES THAT MAKE ME?
CG: IM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN.
CG: FOR
CG: EVERYONE, I FUCKING GUESS?
TG: …
TG: things were going so well kat
TG: you had a whole speech and thats how you cap it off
CG: YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT IS MY ENDPOINT. NO SOBBING. JUST A NOTE OF RELATIVE UNCERTAINTY. THATS ALL I CAN FUCKING TAKE RIGHT NOW.
CG: GOG IM SO SICK OF GETTING EMOTIONAL.
CG: AT THIS RATE MY RED STAINED FACE IS GONNA TELL MY WHOLE GOGDAMN MUTANT SOB STORY BEFORE A DROP OF BLOOD CAN.
TG: …dude
TG: gonna be real
TG: its lost in the mud
TG: were too caked in grime for any of that color to stick around we got more vile stains to worry about
TG: actually on that
TG: we probably do stink like shit man
TG: i think my nose ended its own suffering days ago falling on the grenade to protect my fragile little human brain but now even its corpse is starting to reek and im getting concerned those suicidal tendencies are gonna start spreading the second the rest of these faculties get an actual whiff
TG: but weve got running water for the first time in how fucking long now
TG: its bath time baby