Chapter Text
"There's no point sitting around just to wait for them, we will just have to hunt them down like the animals they are," Sebastian suggests.
Hypothetically speaking, if were in an alternate universe in which we were animals, I'd want to be on the top of the food chain, while Sebastian and Alois are on the bottom, struggling just to survive. And this is just also hypothetically speaking, I wouldn't mind relentlessly following them to the ends of the earth, simply to torment them as a lion gazes upon the mice, but this is all strictly hypothetical. Unfortunately.
I take Sebastian's offer up and follow his lead as we exit the store, into the vast mall, countless stores from left to right. I don't know where we should begin to search for the two, it's complex to narrow down from the countless options of stores I predict Alois would be so dense to waltz into and carelessly spend what little money he possesses.
If I solely manipulate my senses to Alois's, I may just be able to figure out what store that dumbass ran off to. Now, think, Ciel, If you were Alois, where would you go?
"Ciel, do you mind if we go to the bookstore?" Sebastian asks in the midst of my deep thoughts, contradicting his early statement of hunting down the missing members, "Would Alois go into a bookstore, dammit?" I harshly respond, only to earn the concern of the most hated man, "I don't know what you're thinking up there, but I can clearly see you're stressing yourself. If we casually go through stores, we will eventually find them."
As much as I hate to admit it, he may just be right, "Okay, but there is will be one set rule during this," I state, with the tilt of his head, he asks, "And what would that be?" I announce, "There will be a one foot difference between us, I will walk in the front. If you even step an inch closer, I will end you on the ground you stand, understand?"
"As you wish," He answers, inching back behind me, "Is this okay?" He asks.
"Yes, that's fine. Now, let's go," I respond, heading to the direction of the only remaining bookstore in the mall.
Unlike the bookstore I am accustomed to, the one that we enter is completely diverse in several ways. The open store presents countless upon countless bookshelves, all filled to the maximum opacity with profound authors known across the globe, deeming the prices that increase with each passing binding. Areas in which you can settle a moment, or even awhile, are placed all over the spacious room, sofas and love seats all cluttered around grand coffee tables that were obviously not bought at a local thrift store. Graciously decorated with fine, yet subtle, details, not to intimidate you with the high price decor.
The room leaves me in a state of discontent. The familiarity of books all around would usually calm my mind, but I am unable to find the feeling of ease as I stand here in this capacious store. Why, why is that?
A faint image briefly flashes my cluttered mind. It is Father. He turns to me, gently setting his harmless hand upon my head. Behind him, all I can see is the bindings of books that surround his silhouette. He is speaking to me, but I am unable to hear the words that seek out of his mouth. The slight differences entail this image isn't reality, but the comparisons between the store we're in now and the memory plaguing my mind is frighting.
"-okay?" I hear Sebastian finish, asking once again, "Ciel, are you okay?"
I am forced to realize the cold sweats that slides down my face and the knees on the brink of giving our as my hands cram against my thighs. Attempting to avoid eye contact, I answer meekly, "Yes," clearly lying. His only respond consists of a mellow, "Okay."
Still in my daze, I mindlessly follow Sebastian, walking through rows of bookshelves, never halting for an eye's view of a book that may strike interest. The only thing in my eye's view is the back of Sebastian as he leads me endlessly with no nearing stop, silence falling down on us, unlike usual. The atmosphere daunts an absurd feeling.
Before my body is able to react, Sebastian takes hold of my hand, quickly grabbing the other, using force to push me against the bookshelf, that is against my back. I wince in slight pain as the impact of the force runs through my bones, but I do not delay my response, "What the hell do you think you're doing," I harshly ask, though I am only met with an equally harsh voice from what is usually a flirtatious, yet harmless, man, "Ciel, when am I going to be able to knock down the walls you've built around your heart, why can't you tell me what is bothering you? Am I that unworthy to carry your burdens?" as he finishes, I start, "Why would I share burdens with the likes of you?"
"Because the likes of me is in love with you!" He claims through a dejected expression, only to continue, "It may not seem so, but I am serious about you. Why can't you realize that," his grip tightens around my wrists, "Ciel, what can I do for you to acknowledge me?"
"I don't understand," I respond honestly, "I don't understand what you're saying."
He drops his head, leaning the top of his head against my slim chest, "I don't understand either. My mind is always thinking of you; what are you doing, which emotion are you feeling, are you longing for me as I do you? Ha, who would've thought. I never meant for this, honestly. I never knew I'd fall so hard for someone so unlikable as yourself," I stop him, "If this is some sort of sick joke, it better end soon!"
"My feelings for you are no joke, coincidentally, that is what scares me shitless. I've never craved anyone more than I crave you," he lifts up his head, piercing his gaze into mine, "Can you consider accepting me?"
Sebastian's composed facade crumbles before me. He remains his tight hold around my wrists as he silently waits impatiently for any respond, but I can not think of one.
For the first time in my life, I have been confessed to with sincere feelings that overwhelm one's heart with bliss. He threw away all pride as a man, confessing his words, entailing all the emotions that embed through them. He confessed love.
Recalling, no memories of love come to my mind, as far as romance is concerned. The one and only love that can be described would be the love I once felt for my parents, it was a young child's love, one of the most innocent loves there can be. Caring wholeheartedly for two people, one who birthed you, and the other who nurtured you along the way. That love can only be described as the feeling you receive when you glance at your mother's smile as she praises you, or the pat on the head your father would give when you shared a warming moment that can only be found between a strong bond between father and son.
Love like that may never be infringed with the romantic love that I experienced with most people. That sort of love is too abstract to hold in my reach. Romantic bonds of fate can only be damaged through the distortion of time, as two people grow away from another, searching for a new love to uphold. Love such as that can only bring one down to the depths of deep misery, as it only can be halted to an undeniable end.
"No," I mutter, questioned by Sebastian, "Why, why can you not accept me?" He pleadingly asks. I stay silent, no other words able to be filled into the air. What more is there to say? No, I can not accept him, nor can I accept love. I close my eyes in self defeat.
Warmth nears me, inching it's way, until it plants itself on my lips. The sensation is discomforting, but sensational. The warmth enters my mouth, enchanting me into a spell of lost thoughts, only consumed by the feelings of being totally absorbed by the heating warmth. My tongue begins to play with the warmth, sliding against it in a playful way, until my tongue enters something unknown, yet I can tell it is the source of the original heat.
The firm cluth that was once around my wrists, slide down my body, taking hold of my hips, tugging my hip closer to the heat. I feel something slide down my waist, traveling towards my inner thighs, starting to rub up and down my legs. The feeling turns my breaths to become heavy in each move. My breath hitches as the warmth moves near my groin, a barely audible moan coming from me. The warmth slides underneath my pants, teasing the brim of my boxers, sneakingly sliding under the cloth, touching my bare penis cautiously.
"Ciel, I love you," Sebastian moans.
I open my eyes abruptly, dragging my back into reality.
"Get away from me!" I scream, pushing Sebastian off of me, sending him into the book shelf behind him. I buckle my pants, pulling them up as well, and gather myself emotionally and physically, plain fully looking down at the man, I say, "Never come near me again."
I escape the horrific scene, leaving the book store, entering the main section of the mall. I depart my way towards the nearest exit, looking only for a way to run away from what has occurred.
"Ciel," I hear Sebastian behind be as he grabs my hand, "I didn't mean to upset you," he admits.
"Upset me," I scoff, "To upset me, I would have to care about it. I don't recall ever saying I cared about you, and I don't plan on to," I pause and tare my eyes away from him, "I told you to never come near me again, so let go," I demand, ripping my hand away from his.
"Why are you-" he is only cut off by the distant voice of Alois as he finds us, "Guys, we found you, did you have a good time?" He giggles out, though, as he nears, his smile turns into a frown, "What happen?" He asks, scanning the scene, Sebastian standing, in downcast, and myself on the verge of eruption.
"Tsk," I let out, turning towards the exit, rapidly walking away from them, only to hear in the midst of other unknown voices, Alois asks, "Is he okay?" and the sound of Claude instructing him to not run after me, but to let me sort it out on my own.
My eyes can no clearly notice the scenery around me, the cars, people, and nature, are all vague to me, my thoughts taking control of my perception.
Love? Fuck that. Love is only what one wants, but does not need, since it does not exist in the world we live in. Love can only be achieved in dreams, not even the simplest of dreams can grant love to it's owner. Dreams are not the equivalent to reality, to escape reality to find love would be equal to running away from all that is reality.
I have not once experienced love, so I will not wait for as it neglects to arrive. I can not wait for something that is never going to come, because I will only run it away if it would to ever come face into my life. I will not permit my feelings to be clouded with false expectations and thoughtless wonders as one does. Things that are not needed will be discarded by all costs, including Sebastian.
After, Alois and the others were not able to contact me for an extensive period of time as I confined myself to my apartment.