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“You do not deserve a single pearl or crystal present in the imperial coffers. Have I made myself clear ?" The ice cold glare directed at him was less than an inch from his own startled one. Heavy breathing hot against his face and the pheromones of his husband clashing with his skin prickled like short needles making him flinch. The tall figure bent down hoovered over him for another second to put emphasis on his sentence, before retreating with the box placed in front of him.

Mo Ran stormed off after erupting in yet another fit of mumbled curses as he passed the door, leaving the stoic man standing still, expression blank, hand trembling around the handle of his teacup. The servants and attendant's heads were bowed so low none of them could see clearly in which state their master was – nor did they wish to witness it either. Heavy beads of sweat running down their back, both feeling saddened for the previous humiliation he face as well as hiding the fear raging in their hearts keeping them on their toes, completely silent.

The salty air could be smelled through the door left ajar, added to it the sound of wind gushing against the window, the storm ringing in everyone's ears, and the thunder in the distance. All of this was happening, yet, nothing was loud enough to cover the thumping of Chu Wanning’s heart in his ribcage and his ears ringing with white noise. He could have been slapped by his husband, the effect would have been similar.

More minutes passed, and nothing moved. Mother nature herself took it upon her to express Chu Wanning’s turmoil, and the man who was known as the White Merman Statue – devoid of any emotion and pride, only courtesy befitting his rank – could only return the cup to the table. Motioning for the staff to clear everything and leave his quarters. 

He wanted to be alone. 

It wasn't unusual for such a scene to occur within the North Wing of the Imperial palace. The people affiliated to these quarters were used to witness the deplorable matter of the hearts of their Emperor and his infamous concubine. Most of the staff here knew how poorly Chu Wanning was being treated, and they couldn't help but feel for their lovable, kind master. And so while they knew of their position and what it entailed, they always did their best to repay his kindness by respecting him and obeying him dutifully.

Immediately after they did as mentioned earlier, all of them disappeared behind the closed door and instead a call from behind it was heard : Xue Meng, the bodyguard of Chu Wanning and Captain of the Imperial Guards, announcing himself without breaking into the room. He lifted himself from the sofa, and opened the door to his terrace, his face a white canvas. Opening the glass door into the stormy night, the cold rain hit his face, painting a translucent piece of sadness and sorrow. After a spell his clothes were drenched and his expression distorted by the dull pain exploding once again. While walking toward the railing on his balcony, his only hope was for the rain drops to erase the salty trail flowing from his eyes.

He gazed at the cloudy sky, and the lightning going rampage within them, the shrill sound of the thunder, and the pattering of the rain on the railing. The more he lifted his face the blurrier the landscape became, and with a hand on his heart, he desperately tried to even his hectic breathing. It hurt. Knowing that he wasn’t the one his husband loved. Worse, that for reasons he wasn’t made aware of, he was hated, loathed, by the one he was supposed to share a lifetime with. All of it, it hurt. The trees whooshed in the distance, and their branches cracked under the gush of wind. It was nothing like the crystal blue rolling and the clear horizon, it was muddy and bushy, obstructing everything and making it impossible to see beyond the thorny wall.

Chu Wanning was truly a pitiful sight. Even more so because he had no one he could turn to. Not a single relative his age, nor a single lifelong friend, no one. Raised as the heir to the Boccale Grand Duke of the South, he was never supposed to make friends with the likes of High Society. How could the family responsible for keeping in check the nobles could make alliances with any family other than the imperial one. From a very young age, his entourage had been curated to the bare minimum, his playmates were within the family, or within the imperial palace walls – and most of the time it amounted to two people : his cousin Shi Minjing and Mo Ran, the crown prince.

Both of them had been his closest companions and the only true friendship he was allowed in his early years despite their decade old age gap. As a child, he had been pampered more than once by them and the gap had never bothered Chu Wanning who had only been elated to have them around. Mo Ran and Shi Minjing gave him treats and candies all the time, while Chu Wanning stayed well behaved with outstanding manners for his age, earning coos and praises from them. Somewhere deep into his memories he could recall the time he was happily strolling behind his “Imperial-Gege” any chance he could get. Something about the colorful shining rock on his clothes, or the conforming scent he emanated had managed to entice his younger self into following blindly three steps after him, whenever and wherever he went.

However, after a single heat, and later a single rut, the scenery of their childhood, shattered like a glass falling on the floor. If only he hadn’t presented as an Omega, things might have been better. Maybe the problem was that he had presented before his cousin? Or that he had presented at all. He wished to put the fault on Shi Mei for being an Alpha despite all expectations, but just like he had no choice but to be an Omega, so did his cousin five years after him. Without any warning, like a little swish from the breeze or a sorry elbow. Both his and his cousin’s lives had been turned upside down, by the elders of House Boccale. Chu Wanning was to marry into the Imperial Family and Shi Minjing was to inherit the title of Grand Duke of the South. 

Just like that, the relationship between the three children playing with flower crowns and kites while holding hands under the sun, had been torn to shreds. And in the process, the one who supposedly won the most was also the one who lost the only thing valuable to him. Chu Wanning had been contented only being by their side as a friend, only looking at Mo Ran from afar, while doing his best to support him as a loyal vassal, but now that he had the privilege to be his mates, the Emperor Consort of the Empire, aiding him much more and being his closest ally, he saw this benediction as a curse. The reason? The future Emperor didn't want him. The broken engagement had only served to solidify Mo Ran’s love for Shi Minjing and as a side effect, planted the seed of hatred toward him into his heart. He was left isolated.

Ever since he had been forced to walk down the aisle, he had felt utterly alone. His husband that he cherished as his first love, wouldn’t spare him a glance, let alone being shown any type of affection. The people in the crowd could barely contain their disdain toward a consort who was barely of age, and his family had set him aside so easily he doubted the training he underwent as the previous heir to their House. The priest's words had been laconic at best when he wished happiness upon their union, and the conflicted storm of pheromones surrounding the Alpha standing on his right, dug deeper and deeper at his heart with every passing minute. Thankfully he had followed the protocol mechanically, maybe out of respect for their past friendship, and slid the ring on his finger with softened brows. Before turning back to the priest, eyes never to turn in his direction until the guests left the premises. That night, he conducted his duty of sharing the bed for the wedding consumption, but only committing to the act and nothing else.

Following the loveless wedding, was the loveless married life. Within the palace walls they lived in separate wings, and they did everything separately. They dinned in their respective chambers, attended separate meetings befitting their duties, and they naturally slept separately. The sole exception from that was the mating schedule constructed by the imperial physician, fabricated to get the best out of their cycles to conceive the heir of House Minamare, the future ruler of the empire. Outside the palace walls and for events, they never came together. Chu Wanning would attend every single banquet and ball on his own. His husband would sit next to him, but he would never look in his direction for the whole duration of the event.

Chu Wanning chuckled darkly, recalling the memory from when he was 18. Naturally, Mo Ran had been present at the ball where he made his debutante in front of their family and most — if not all — of High Society. For anyone in attendance, the official debutante hosted by the Imperial palace was one of the utmost importance for the debutantes and their family as well, since it was one of the most prestigious events of the year. And yet, despite the engagement between them being finalised for over a year at this time, he had refused to be his escort, only accepting to guide him through the Quadrille, after the first Waltz. He had been stared at so much that night that he could feel his scalp burning anytime he was reminded of it. But somehow, the cruelest memory he kept inside him as his spouse, was the process of giving birth to their twins. 

They had mated a few times after the wedding and it wasn't long before he started feeling nauseous, calling for a physician. After the news of his pregnancy was revealed, surprisingly, no inquiries were made from the Emperor’s quarter. At first Chu Wanning had convinced himself that his husband was simply too busy with the chaos caused by the flood in the East and the impact it would have on the upcoming harvest season. However, during the whole pregnancy he didn’t call on him once. He had to endure the whole ordeal of giving birth without his presence, and without being scented, nor coated in his pheromones. Lying on his bed while screaming in agony and sensing through his one-sided bond that the Alpha did not care a single bit whether he survived or died on the “Empress's” bed. He later learned that during delivery he went into pheromone shock, after little investigation he discovered that undeterred by the peril of his situation at the time, "his Majesty" had remained outside the palace without sending words. 

This had been the start of tarnishing rumors about Chu Wanning within the staff and the fact that he was not someone worthy of being mentioned. The few servants and attendants close to him and the ones taking care of the North Wing, regarded him favorably, but if he stepped outside this small cocoon, he was looked down upon at worst and respectfully ignored at best. Unfortunately the wildfire had reached other houses fast with almost no distortion of the account : earning himself the derogatory title of omega concubine, instead of standing as the proud Emperor Consort. Everyone who had shown sympathy for him before vanished. The few noble ladies who had taken his side before, well too aware of the dread of marriage within high society, had turned their back on him. They all feared that standing up for Chu Wanning meant going against the Emperor, and no one in their right mind would do something so detrimental.

The prince and princess were barely under two years old now, but his situation didn’t change at all. Politically speaking he was from a renewed house, he had accomplished his duty, by painstakingly birthing two heirs to the throne, and took care of the internal affairs of the palace while having his wisdom spreading all the way to the external affairs, supporting his husband to the best of his abilities. Still, he was scorned by his mate and almost talked down upon by the nobles and their faction. He had hoped that maybe spending time with his children, or seeing the three of them together more often might open his husband’s eyes about their relationship and the family Chu Wanning had miraculously built just for him. But he received nothing but contempt and contained hatred. Today he welcomed a new addition : disgust. It was glinting from his eyes. Venomously seeping onto his faces and burning trails on his whole body, melting every ounce of happiness Chu Wanning felt after the former emperor's visit.

The previous Emperor who had resigned early because of the Empress’s passing, Mo Ran’s father, had called for him after dinner. He had been one of the few people who adored him ever since he was young. He would always go around at length about how he reminded him of the deceased princess, and how the joyfulness of his younger days had made him adorable and deserving of any flattery he received now. The deceased Empress had shared his affection for him and inside the castle where no one batted an eye at him, he was the only one who greeted him with a genuine smile. And he was sure that if the Empress had still been alive she would have facilitated him too. Upon arrival Mo Ran’s father had rambled on about how he had aged into a beautiful young man. Being a rare case of male Omega : the ones said to have received the blessing of the Sea Goddesses. 

After sitting them both in his drawing room and having him eat at least five different pastries of his choosing, he had rattled about his pride as his in-law and how lovely his grand-children were. With that attention in mind, the elderly man he considered his grand-father, had gifted him a jade hairpin with a pendant made of golden shell, pearls and corals. The piece itself, had been an heirloom for generations before him, and should have received it from Mo Ran at the coronation ceremony, but it had yet to be officialised. Traditionally it wasn’t how it was supposed to happen , but circumstances made it that way and since Mo Ran had been delaying the official ceremony for his coronation — most likely in hope of having someone else bear the crown — his father had felt it should be his responsibility to pass it down onto him. Nevertheless, the former Emperor found that his approaching birthday was a good occasion to pass on the gift and thought it one of the few presents that would actually make the Omega happy, and he was right. 

For the remaining half of the day, Chu Wanning had stayed in his bedchambers, admiring the hairpin, unable to try it on himself, only caressing it from time to time. His staff had mainly been in their position for a short period of time so none of them knew how precious this piece was, they only marveled at its beauty, congratulating their master for his new prized possession. Spurred on by their praise Chu Wanning scrutinized the hairpin more methodically. Positioning it under different sets of light to see how it would sparkle,  gazing at the pearls with the bubbliness of his younger years. A time when happiness wasn’t a mask he wore, but a serene state he was accustomed to. The overall mood had been joyful for once and Chu Wanning went as far as allowing the maids to sit with him to enjoy tea and delicacies together — which they refused, being happy to be able to set their eyes on such fine jewelry. 

Only, his husband marched to his room a few hours later. Chu Wanning had been entertaining his cousin for around an hour. He was surprised when Xue Meng announced the arrival of his cousin because he was so busy that he hardly had the time to call on him. The last time he did must have been a few months ago because of yet another venture he wanted his advice on, of course Chu Wanning was happy to help, after all he too had been raised as acting Duke, and far longer than his cousin so he didn’t mind share his wisdom with him as long as House Boccale could benefit from it, it would be enough for him. And this afternoon the latter’s visit was unexpected, he apparently came as soon as he heard that he had been gifted such a precious item. However after his husband’s arrival in the drawing room, he had excused himself just as quickly. Without delay, Mo Ran demanded that the ‘gift’ was returned to him, before losing his temper and snatching it himself from where it laid on the table.

The rest had already been written.

Body trembling under the heavy downpour, Chu Wanning was down on his knees, his wet hair sticking to his neck, tears streaming down his face as he agonized over yet another piece of happiness he was denied. He wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation, the two people he had longed for visited him, they came within hours and all it was needed for that was being favored by the former Emperor. Even on the birth of his children they didn’t come that fast. He was bitter, now that he was spiraling over the thought he wondered why they always ignored him if they were aware of his whereabouts at hour notice. The male weeped hand grabbing his chest. Not the lightning nor the thunder could pull him out of his sadness ; he stayed there clutching at the railing with knuckle-white fingers, while despairing once again at the root of his misery : the broken engagement. 

The engagement itself made his life the most wonderful he could wish for, he was Emperor Consort, the second most powerful man in the empire, the rightful mate of his bonded Alpha, but all of this was only the surface. It had also rendered his life a most wretched one, always hiding under a ‘happy mask’ he wore amongst the crowd, never being cherished in public and in private, only having his in-law and children to talk to, and he couldn’t open his heart to any of them. Unlike his husband he couldn't allow himself to show displeasure regarding the way he was treated. Being the concubine of the Emperor was rewarding and the mother of the heir was a safety net, but until Mo Ran held his coronation as Empress – or if he dreamed a little Emperor Consort – his position within the imperial family was in jeopardy. One thing he couldn’t dismiss was that the marriage itself had cut all the ties he had with House Boccale, entirely. If their marriage fell out and Mo Ran asked for a divorce he wouldn’t be able to return to the dukedom, he would be put under the Emperor’s thumb and move solely according to his will, and within Miramare Castle, he was the stain Mo Ran wished to get rid off. 

His only solace was the few days when he was allowed to sleep in his husband's chambers. The imperial family carefully curated the schedule so that more than enough days were allocated to ensure that multiple heirs would bless the family at the earliest, and so for the first few months they had to lay together weekly until his heat cycles synchronized to his husband’s rut cycles. He cherished them, holding onto them like his buoy. Because on those particular days, maybe it was Mo Ran’s instincts’ speaking, he could feel that he was needed, that he was useful to the crown, that he fulfilled his role as a mate by satisfying the Alpha. Even if, when these moments ended, he was left conflicted. He had more than once cried himself to sleep after his heats receded for the reason that no matter what happened in bed, his Omega couldn’t be fooled. The one-sided bonding had much more disadvantages than he thought and at the top of the list : the yearning to have his love returned. The harsh treatment his husband subjected him to was nothing compared to the way his Omega had been lashing at him constantly.

His husband ignoring him and disregarding him he could handle, but his Omega was slowly driving him mad, it was the harshest part of this whole affair. Not only, he had been struggling with his own unrequited love, his Omega was making it his duty to reproach it to him, daily. Persistently reminding him of his flaws, as a half-baked Omega because of his primary gender, as an unappealing body because of his past pregnancy and the way his body changed faintly afterward. He was never one to have a lot of confidence to begin with and his wolf seemed adamant to agree with him when it came to downgrading his appearance and his birth gender. 

In short, he was a failure. As a spouse and as an Omega, that his husband had made it clear. The people around him either pitied him, or scorned him. He was ignored, isolated, he was sad. He wasn’t one to shed tears, always holding back, behaving with pride and dignity. However, over the years, the very foundation of his persona had been destroyed. Outside on a stormy night, he was wailing at the sky, screaming at the forest on the top of his lungs and his heartache was pushing him further and further into embracing the cold void and blurry greenery. Looking below, he wondered if at this point, jumping could be taken into consideration as a mean to end his misery. Regardless, he couldn’t get himself to end his life. 

After all, he might be lonely but he would never leave behind the very people he adored more than anything else on this Earth, before they could even remember him. He needed to hold out at least for a few years, to hear them call him “Mama” properly, to have them blessed by the Goddess in a proper ritual, and to have them be crowned as official heirs to the throne, then maybe, he would let go. He cried harder and harder wondering how he was to be called a proper mother if he was already thinking of abandoning them to a fate barren of motherly love. could he really call himself their parent, their guardian, if he was too weak to protect them? And that’s when it hit him. He slumped on the ground, fainting on the spot while the downpour continuously washed over him.

In the end, Chu Wanning was indeed a failure, as a spouse, as an Omega and as a mother. 

· · ─ · 𓇼 · ─ · · 

The morning after was a dreadful one. It was only in the late morning that his attendants found him passed out on the white tiles of his balcony. His body was abnormally cold, red almost blue from the cold and with an even paler complexion than usual. They were overcome with shock when they noticed that their master was still wearing the clothes from the day before. None of them would have imagined that he would have gone out with a raging storm outside, and that he would stay there. They concluded that the most likely outcome must have been that he had fainted outside, under the rain not long after he had dismissed everyone the night before. Like bees on a spring day, the entirety of the palace staff was mortified, and the rumors spread relentlessly about the omega concubine being found unconscious and frozen outside his room. 

Immediately, they bathed him, changed him into appropriate clothes and warmed the room by lighting the fireplace. The imperial physicians were called upon in the wee hours of the day to examine Chu Wanning, and the diagnosis was uncertain. He had a severe case of hypothermia, that was a fact, but he was unable to tell when Chu Wanning would regain consciousness. In contrast the instructions were clear, he was to be spoonfed cold medicine twice a day while unconscious, and he should be looked after at all times, with a wet towel on top of his head, and have his sweat regularly wiped, so as to not wet his clothes. Because of the sudden situation and with no other directive the staff could only wait while making sure that their master was warm and looked after.

Chu Wanning’s personal attendants were very shaken by the announcement, most of them being sympathetic and caring for their master. They truly feared for the worst as they were the ones who witnessed all the downside of Chu Wanning’s recovery, how sometimes he would go into a fit of coughing while ingesting the medicine, or how at random hours of the day he would shake uncontrollably, so much so that they would call for sir Xue to maintain him in place while they called for the physician. And just like that, for several days, Chu Wanning remained unconscious on his bed. From time to time the Grand Duke of House Boccale came to visit him, he only stayed for a short while each time, but he still visited once everyday, generally the hour before he had a meeting. The former emperor came once, when he heard a report from the medical division, he had stayed almost all day and had nursed the Omega to the best of his abilities, unfortunately, he had sprained his ankle slightly on his way out of the room and had been unable to visit him afterward. It had been days, yet, his Majesty did not come once.

Eventually the news reached Mo Ran too while he was in his study overseeing the various topics that needed his approval from the council meeting with the lords. At first he had thought that it was only hearsay and baseless rumors, Chu Wanning wasn’t one to bring attention to himself, and he wouldn’t be careless to the point where he would faint under a stormy night. For once he had believed in Chu Wanning’s stoicism and strict adherence to etiquette, but after three days without any sign of him and only more news about his lack of improvement he had to reconsider the importance of the matter. 

Finally on the fifth day, he decided to visit Chu Wanning’s quarters. In a fit of frustration, he slammed the quill on the paper in front of him. He chuckled dangerously, incredulous by the fact that he, The Emperor of this nation, had a hard time focusing on the task at hand because of his unconscious “consort”. He couldn't believe it. Surely, after all these years, something within him had not softened, if he was preoccupied over a cold. It’s not like it  was the first time that Chu Wanning’s life had been in danger, yet this time it felt like he was the root cause of this illness, and he couldn’t rest easily. Amounting wanting to see him get better to the guilt he felt about what transpired between them that night, he lifted a hand toward the butler standing next to him. “Send words to Chu Wanning’s attendants and tell them that I’ll be visiting in the afternoon.”

“Yes, your Majesty.” Jiang Xi bowed his way out of the room, and Mo Ran turned around toward the window previously facing his back. He gazed at the sun and the birds flying high in the sky with something unsettling rummaging through his chest. It was uncomfortable. That sensation of caring for someone, he shouldn’t. He was pretty sure that Chu Wanning was the one who conspired to tie him down in this arranged marriage, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop his Alpha from caring about the Omega. He was the one who birthed his children after all, the one who gave him his love and devotion. No matter how much he despised him, openly expressing his hatred, the Omega stood by his sides. Like an anemone stuck to the ocean floor, he held out his ground, serving courtesy and manners with his signature stoic gaze. 

And this attitude of his, was what made Mo Ran confused the most. He knew lots about A-Ning playing wildly in the forest next to the palace’s garden. He had been a spectator of the child's shenanigans, and harmless pranks. The child had been bright and warmhearted, smiling without holding back and showing kindness to whomever he fancied, even the ones he did not. But then, he had schemed with the elders from the duchy to replace Shi Mei as his spouse, he had seen the shift he underwent when he made his debuts into high society. Also he witnessed the facade he chose for himself as he later became his husband and birthed their children…If he thought about it all, more than him being sick and on his deathbed, seeing the child he had doted on disappear.

It had truly been uncomfortable.