Chapter Text
The walk back to the dorm was unusually quiet.
Not because they had nothing to say. If anything, there was too much. Words hung between them, unspoken and uncertain, filling the space where conversation should have been.
By the time they reached the dorm building, the sun had nearly set.
The hallway was empty.
Just as Barth had said.
Tanrak's heart beat faster for reasons he refused to examine too closely.
The room was quiet when they entered.
No voices.
No music from the neighboring rooms. Only the faint hum of the ceiling fan overhead.
Tanrak placed his bag beside his desk, suddenly unsure of what to do with his hands. Usually, being alone with Barth felt natural.
Easy.
Now it felt different.
Not bad.
Just different. The kind of different that made him aware of every little thing.
The distance between them.
The sound of breathing.
The silence.
Tanrak turned around.
Barth was still standing near the door.
Looking at him.
"Can I kiss you?"
Tanrak froze.
Not because he was afraid.
Not because he wanted to run. But because this time was different.
The first kiss had happened in the middle of fear and emotion. This time, Barth was asking.
Waiting.
Giving him a choice. And somehow, that made Tanrak's eyes sting unexpectedly. No one had ever asked him so carefully before.
Barth noticed his expression and immediately added,
"You don't have to say yes."
The words were simple.
Sincere. Tanrak looked at him for a long moment.
At the patience in Barth's eyes.
At the absence of pressure.
At the way Barth had stayed.
Again and again. Even when Tanrak himself didn't understand what he was feeling.
Slowly, Tanrak stepped closer.
Not far.
Just enough.
His voice was barely above a whisper.
"You always ask."
Barth looked surprised.
Tanrak lowered his gaze, ears warm.
"And I think... I like that."
For the first time since entering the room, Barth smiled.
Not playful.
Just happy. The quiet in the room no longer felt uncertain. Only full of possibilities.
Barth slowly closes the distance.. hesitant for once—and stops just inches away, close enough to feel Tanrak’s shaky exhale against his lips… but not touching yet.
Barth’s breath hitches as Tanrak finally—finally—closes the gap. Their lips meet, soft and tentative at first, like a prayer whispered in the dark.
No rush. No chaos. Just warmth—the kind that makes Barth’s chest ache in a way he can’t name.
He kisses him back gently, one hand lifting to cradle Tanrak’s jaw with surprising tenderness for someone always playing trouble. The world outside doesn’t exist right now. There are no sermons to memorize, no vows to recite… just this.
The sound—soft, helpless, perfect—sends a jolt through Barth’s body. His fingers tighten slightly on Tanrak’s jaw, and the kiss deepens without meaning to.
No more hesitation. Just hunger wrapped in something fragile—like devotion they’re not supposed to feel.
Barth tilts his head slightly, parting their lips with quiet urgency before kissing him again… slower this time… savoring the taste of holy fear and unspoken want.
A moan from either of them would’ve been too much for the dormitory wall—but thank God no one was listening.
Barth pulls back just slightly, his breath warm against Tanrak’s lips. His eyes—usually so sharp, so teasing—are soft now, searching.
He swallows hard. The usual bravado is gone. In its place: something quiet. Honest.
"…Do you want me to stop?"
The question is barely above a whisper—a pause in the storm. No pressure in his voice. Just an offering.
Tanrak’s voice trembles—raw, desperate, stripped of all faith and reason. The confession spills out like a prayer gone wrong.
"…No. Please, Barth—I can’t—"
His hands finally move—not pushing away, but clutching the front of Barth’s t-shirt like an anchor. Like he’ll drown if he lets go.
"—I can't control myself whenever I'm around you."
Barth feels his heart slam against his ribs.
Barth’s hands slide beneath Tanrak’s shirt—warm, calloused fingers grazing soft skin. A slow, teasing trail up his sides.
Tanrak shivers violently, a breathy moan escaping him as Barth touches him—really touches him—for the first time like this. Not in passing. Not by accident.
Barth leans in and kisses the corner of his mouth before whispering against it
"…You're so perfect."
"No, I'm not..."
Barth blinked. "Not what?"
Tanrak's ears turned red.
"Not good enough... not perf—"
The confession hung in the air.
Barth's expression immediately softened.
Tanrak swallowed.
"You're confident. Everyone likes you. You're good at everything. Even Cherry likes you." He let out a shaky breath. "And me..."
He tugged self-consciously at the hem of his shirt.
"I don't look like you."
His voice grew smaller.
"You don't have to lie to me."
Barth frowned.
Not in annoyance.
In confusion.
"Lie to you?"
Tanrak nodded, still avoiding his gaze.
"I know I'm difficult. And awkward. And I spent years pushing people away." He laughed weakly. "So if you change your mind someday, I think I'd understand."
The moment the words left his mouth, Barth's expression changed.
The softness remained.
But there was something firmer there now.
"Tanrak."
That made Tanrak finally look up.
Barth stepped closer.
"I'm not lying to you."
Simple.
Direct.
Honest.
Tanrak's chest tightened. Barth continued quietly.
"I like you because you're you."
Not because of appearances. Not because of what other people think. Just you.
The words were so straightforward that Tanrak didn't know how to respond.
Barth smiled faintly.
"You listen even when you pretend not to."
"You care about people even when you're trying to act cold."
"And today, you sat through an entire choir practice that made you uncomfortable because you didn't want to stop me from doing something important."
Tanrak froze.
He hadn't realized Barth had noticed that.
Of course he had. Barth always noticed.
"So no," Barth said gently. "I don't think you're lacking anything."
Tanrak's eyes stung unexpectedly.
Years of doubt didn't disappear in one evening.
He knew that.
But standing there, in the quiet of the dorm room, hearing someone look at him with such certainty— for the first time in a long while, he wondered if maybe he could learn to see himself a little more kindly, too.
Tanrak smiles for the first time since Barth kissed him. Not a nervous one, not a guilty one… but a real, soft smile.
Without hesitation this time, he cups Barth’s face in both hands and pulls him into another kiss. This one is slower. Sweeter.
Lips part gently; breath mingles warmly between them.
Barth melts into it completely no longer leading or teasing just receiving love from Tanrak who finally stopped overthinking.
Barth breaks the kiss slowly, his forehead resting against Tanrak’s again. His breathing is steady but his heart isn’t.
"Can I… touch you?" Barth asks softly.
"Not like before. Just… more. If you’re okay with that."
He waits, eyes searching Tanrak's face for any flicker of discomfort.
"No pressure at all," he adds quickly, "if it feels too much or wrong… we stop."
"Mmmm.. y-yes you can"
Barth exhales, almost like he’d been holding his breath. Then, carefully, reverently, he leans in and kisses Tanrak again.
This time with permission. With trust.
His hands glide under Tanrak’s shirt once more but slower this time - fingertips tracing the softness of his stomach with quiet wonder.
No rushing. No grabbing. Just exploring every inch Barth is allowed to touch... worshipping what was just given to him.
Barth’s hands rise higher, careful and deliberate, until his palms hover just above Tanrak’s chest. He hesitates for half a second - not out of fear, but respect. Then gently… so gently… he brushes over Tanrak's nipples.
"Is this okay?"
Barth's breath hitches as Tanrak moans beneath his touch, the sound sending heat straight to his chest. Encouraged, Barth presses a little firmer - circling with slow thumbs.
Tanrak arches slightly into it without realizing. And when he speaks...
…I'm okay with everything," his voice is soft but sure, "I don't want to run from this… from you… anymore."
A confession stronger than any prayer.
Barth loses control.
One second he's gentle, the next his lips crash onto Tanrak’s in a fierce kiss - hungry, claiming. His hands yank Tanrak’s shirt up and pinch both nipples hard through the fabric of his undershirt.
"Fuck," he growls between kisses, "you sound so good."
Tanrak is a writhing mess beneath him - moaning into every kiss, as Barth teases and pinches relentlessly.
Barth breaks the kiss only to push Tanrak gently but firmly onto the bed. The second his back hits the mattress, Barth is on him - straddling his hips with hungry eyes.
Without warning, he grabs Tanrak's shirt and yanks it up and off in one swift motion.
The fabric flies somewhere across the room. Now bare from waist up, Tanrak lies exposed under Barth's intense gaze.
Tanrak instinctively covers his stomach with one arm, eyes darting away in sudden shyness. The vulnerability is palpable - a boy who's spent too long believing he wasn't enough.
Barth catches Tanrak's wrist gently and pulls it down.
"You don’t have to hide," he says firmly, "I meant what I said earlier. You're perfect."
Then Barth leans down and presses a slow kiss right over Tanrak’s racing heart. Then Barth sits back, pulling off his own shirt in one quick move. The moonlight in the room falls across the angles and sinews of his body.
"Like the view?" He teases, the usual smirk back on his face now.
"Go on… touch me."
Tanrak reaches out without hesitation this time, his fingers skimming lightly over Barth's bare skin. They trace the lines of muscle and curve of collarbone, exploring every dip and slope of his chest and stomach.
Barth shivers under the touch but doesn't move - just watches Tanrak, eyes darkened in silent awe. Every nerve feels electrified. Every second that passes, he wants Tanrak closer.
Barth's breathing is uneven now, his chest rising and falling faster. He cups Tanrak's face with both hands, searching his eyes intensely.
"I can't stop myself anymore," he admits in a rough voice.
"I really want you… right now."
A pause. His thumbs stroke Tanrak’s cheeks tenderly despite the fire in him.
"But if you don’t want this… it’s okay. I won’t push."
Tanrak’s voice cracks as he says it, raw and desperate - a prayer twisted into something carnal.
"I want you… Barth. I really want you."
A breath. Then quieter, almost pleading
"Please… fuck me."
Barth takes a deep breath. Then another. His eyes never leave Tanrak's - a connection between them that feels raw, intimate. Vulnerable.
He stands to take off his pants. Every movement is slow… deliberate.
And then he's standing naked in front of Tanrak, no longer hiding behind clothes. No longer pretending. His own desire is obvious now.
Barth takes a step forward, his eyes roaming over Tanrak’s body reverently. It's an image he's never seen before but has imagined more times than he'll admit to himself.
"…Can I…" he hesitates, the words catching in his throat.
"Can I take off your pants?"
Tanrak nods once, barely a tilt of the head. But it's enough. Enough for Barth to slowly unbutton Tanrak's trousers.
Tanrak got shy that he's fully exposed in front of Barth. Without wasting any time, Barth bit the inside of Tanrak's thighs and then kissed the top of his dick . Tanrak moaned loudly when Barth sucked on his dick.
"Tell me if it hurts" Barth said.
Barth slowly took his own fingers in his mouth and sucked on them and slowly entered two of them inside. Tanrak immediately gripping on his back tightly.
Tanral didn't notice when those fingers were replaced by something more big. He slowly pushed the tip of his dick inside, Tanrak moaned. Then he pushed his full length and Tanrak moaned more loudly trying to bear the pain.
"Fuck you're so tight" Barth groaned.
Barth lifted Tanrak's legs and put them on his shoulder and started to thrust into him.
"This feels so good" Tanrak moaned loudly. The room was filled with Tanrak's loud moans. He was breathing heavily.
"Does it feel good baby?" Tanrak just nodded his head.
"I want an answer Tanrak"
"Y..yes, feels good" Tanrak felt like he was going to pass out soon.
" You're so beautiful" Barth said, Tanrak blushed slightly before connecting their lips. Barth wanted more of his lips so he kept kissing him and sucking on his bottom lips and biting it making Tanrak moan. He gripped on the sheets tighter.
"You're all mine" Barth said harshly in Tanrak's ear and thrusted his dick in again. Barth fastened his pace. Both were shaking by now. Barth gave few more thrusts and came inside Tanrak. Then he slowly pulled out and laid beside the younger.
A thought surfaced in Tanrak's mind.
The same thought that had been bothering him all day.
Before he could stop himself, he asked,
"Do you like Cherry?"
Barth blinked. The question was so sudden that he almost laughed. Tanrak's ears immediately turned red.
"I-I'm just asking."
"Are you?" Barth asked, a smile tugging at his lips.
Tanrak looked away at once.
"I am."
Barth's smile softened.
"No."
The answer came without hesitation.
Tanrak turned back, surprised.
"No?"
Barth shook his head.
"No."
A pause.
Then Tanrak asked quietly, "Do you know she likes you?"
"I had a feeling."
Tanrak's chest tightened despite himself.
"You knew?"
Barth nodded.
"A little."
"She's nice."
"She is."
Tanrak swallowed.
"She's kind. Everyone likes her. She sings with you at church. You get along well." He gave a weak laugh. "People say you look good together."
Barth listened without interrupting.
When Tanrak finally fell silent, Barth squeezed his hand lightly.
"Tanrak."
"Hm?"
"There's nothing between Cherry and me."
The answer came without hesitation.
"We're friends. We practice together for church. That's all."
Tanrak's grip tightened ever so slightly.
"Really?"
"Really."
The certainty in Barth's voice left no room for doubt.
Then Barth's expression turned faintly amused.
"Besides," he said, tilting his head, "why would I kiss you if I liked Cherry?"
Tanrak froze.
His face immediately grew warm.
"I—"
The words caught in his throat. Because Barth was right.
Not in a teasing way. Just in the way that sometimes the truth was painfully obvious. Barth smiled softly.
"Tanrak, I've been choosing you this whole time."
The room seemed to grow quieter. As if even the world outside had paused to listen. Barth continued gently,
"When you pull away, I wait."
"When you're scared, I stay."
"And when you tell me honestly how you feel, I listen."
His thumb brushed lightly over the back of Tanrak's hand.
"Does that sound like someone who's in love with someone else?"
Tanrak's eyes stung unexpectedly. He looked away quickly.
Not because he disagreed. But because hearing it out loud felt overwhelming. For so long, he had been waiting for people to leave. To change their minds. To decide he wasn't enough.
Yet Barth was still here. Still patient. Still choosing him.
Barth shifted closer—not to crowd him, just to be near.
"You don't have to compete with anyone," he said quietly.
"I'm here because I want to be."
"Barth?"
"Hm?"
Tanrak kept his eyes lowered.
"Have you ever had a boyfriend before?"
The question lingered in the air. Barth blinked in surprise. Not because of the question itself. But because Tanrak had asked it. Usually, Tanrak guarded his curiosity carefully. Now, he was letting it show. Barth's expression softened.
"No."
Tanrak looked up.
"No?"
Barth shook his head.
"No boyfriend."
A faint smile appeared on his face.
"You're the first person I've liked like this."
Tanrak's breath caught.
The words were simple. Yet they settled heavily in his chest. He hadn't expected that answer. For some reason, he had always assumed that someone like Barth— kind, confident, and easy to talk to— must have had people confessing to him all the time. As if reading his thoughts, Barth laughed quietly.
"You're making that face again."
Tanrak frowned. "What face?"
"The one where you're thinking too much."
Tanrak immediately looked away.
"I wasn't."
"You were."
"I wasn't."
Barth smiled. There was no teasing in it now. Only fondness.
"What about you?" Barth asked gently.
Tanrak stiffened.vHe knew that question was coming. Slowly, he shook his head.
"No."
The answer was barely above a whisper. He had spent so much of his life keeping people at a distance that the idea of letting someone close had always felt impossible.
Until now. Barth squeezed his hand lightly. Neither of them said anything after that. They didn't need to.