Chapter Text
The soft morning light, muted by the bedroom’s curtains, painted Seeun’s sleeping face golden against the dark room. Mentally cursing the sun for waking him, he stirred, a heavy lethargy clinging to his limbs. The bed felt impossibly warm, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets he never wanted to leave. A faint scent of something sweet, like honey or fruit, drifted to his nose, and he wondered for a moment what it could be before deciding that going back to sleep was the better option. With his mind already made up, he burrowed deeper under the covers, chasing the last wisps of a pleasant dream.
A gentle nudge, then another, disturbed his peace. A low chuckle rippled close to his ear.
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.” Sumin’s voice, a smooth baritone, held an amused lilt.
Seeun grumbled, no doubt sounding comically close to a disgruntled cat if the small laugh Sumin let out had anything to do with it. He peeled one eye open, immediately regretting it as he squinted against the soft light. Sumin stood over him, his dark hair falling in soft waves around his face and a wide, bright smile stretching his lips. He wore a loose t-shirt, its fabric stretching taut across his broad shoulders as he leaned down.
“You look like a little mouse in hiding,” Sumin observed, his gaze tracing the soft curve of Seeun’s cheek and making the younger blush from the attention. His smile softened, a genuine tenderness replacing the earlier amusement.
Seeun blinked slowly, the fog of sleep still clouding any smart train of thought he could have. Instead, he pushed himself up, leaning on an elbow, and noticed the bed feeling empty beside him.
“Hyunwoo-hyung?” he mumbled, his voice raspy. He reached out a hand, patting the cool sheets.
Sumin shook his head. “He’s already up. Everyone’s in the kitchen and waiting for you.”
“Waiting for me? Why?” Seeun frowned, a sliver of unease cutting through his contentment.
“Breakfast,” Sumin supplied, a simple answer that didn’t quite quell Seeun’s growing apprehension. He remembered flashes of the previous night: him throwing up, the hot, overwhelming feeling all over his body… Hyunwoo finding him; the cold bath. A flush crept up his neck at the memories, and he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at the state he was found in last night. He neglected himself so badly that his body had finally given in, and his members had to take the fall for him.
Ashamed, he fell back onto the sheets with a groan and wished that the last few days hadn’t happened at all. In response, Sumin’s hand, warm and firm, settled on Seeun’s forehead. He lingered for a moment, his thumb brushing lightly against Seeun’s temple.
“You’re still feeling a little warm, but I don’t think it’s something big enough to worry about. How are you feeling, Seeunie?” Seeun pushed his hand away gently, a small, embarrassed cough escaping him.
“Fine. Just… tired.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed, his feet finding the cool floor.
His whole body was immediately covered in goosebumps from the cold, and he wanted nothing more than to go back under the covers. Knowing Sumin, though, he knew he wouldn't be able to do as he pleased, as the older was too stubborn to back down from any challenge. When he stood up, a small wave of dizziness washed over him, making the room tilt. He swayed, his hand reaching out instinctively for support.
Before he could fall, Sumin’s arm snaked around his waist, steadying him. “Easy there, tiger. Not so fast.” He held Seeun firmly, his body a solid anchor. Seeun remembered the way Junghoon had held him the same last night, and he could feel his face turning red. “Still a little wobbly, huh?”
Seeun nodded, leaning into the unexpected support and trying to get his face to turn into a normal color. “Just a bit. My legs feel like jelly.”
“That’s what happens when you decide a 103.5° fever is nothing worth mentioning about,” Sumin scolded lightly, but his voice was gentle, devoid of any real bite. He kept his arm around Seeun, guiding him towards the door. “Come on, let’s get some food in you. Everyone’s eager to see you.”
They made their way towards the kitchen, Sumin’s presence a comforting weight beside him. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling eggs wafted from the kitchen, pulling Seeun forward. As they rounded the corner, the sight that greeted him made him pause.
The kitchen, a place that would usually be the peak of their chaotic energy during mornings, was now filled with calm movements and hushed conversations, as if the group was actively trying not to wake Seeun up. All members besides him and Sumin were there, either cooking or eating and chatting.
The moment they entered, Seeun could feel all eyes on him.
“Seeun-ah!” Yechan, who had been sitting closest to the kitchen door, sprang from his seat and wrapped his arms around Seeun in a crushing hug. Seeun could almost feel his already weak body breaking under his friend’s strong embrace.
Surprised and a little awkward from Yechan’s sudden affection, he could only manage to grunt in greeting, subtly trying (and failing) to break himself free from the hug. After managing not to die last night, it’d be a shame to do so under the arms of his overexcited friend.
“Okay, Yechan-ah, I can practically feel my ribs breaking.” He patted Yechan’s back, finally giving up on trying to be subtle.
“Sorry,” Yechan giggled in response and, before Seeun could pass out from asphyxiation, he let go. “Are you feeling better now?”
Finally feeling like he could breathe again, Seeun nodded. “I feel much better, honestly. Though I’d feel even better if someone hadn’t woken me up from my sleep.” He side eyed Sumin, half joking and half serious.
Sumin, still looking at Seeun in a way that he couldn’t quite place yet but had him feeling shy for some reason, only shrugged in return. “Captain’s orders, sorry.”
As if he had been summoned into the conversation (which, in a way, he had been) Minjae’s voice interrupted them from his place over at the stove. “Seeun-ah, sit and eat some breakfast.”
At the leader’s tone, Seeun couldn’t help the eye roll he let out in response. Between Sumin’s sudden coddling, everyone watching him like a newborn baby taking his first steps, Yechan’s attempt at killing him with a hug and now Minjae’s order, he was starting to feel like a child. He wasn’t used to being taken care of like this, and he certainly didn’t know how to feel about it. Would they just let him go back to sleep if he crashed out right now?
“Seeun-ah, here,” Yujun’s voice called out to him, interrupting his plans of ruining their shaky, peaceful morning. Next to Yujun was a chair that Junghoon had taken out so Seeun could sit between them. Hoping Yujun would seize his opportunity to tease him and Junghoon would mind his own business like usual, Seeun gratefully accepted the invite.
As Seeun settled into the chair, Hunter, who sat opposite to him, pushed a plate across the table. Like last night, it was a bowl of miyeokguk, which Seeun gladly accepted, once again thinking about his mom; without knowing, they had managed to comfort him just like she used to do, and some of the pressure that had started building in his chest after Minjae’s commands managed to ease. The table was filled with banchan, all probably bought since none of them knew how to cook to save their lives, and Seeun made sure to fill up his plate, suddenly feeling very hungry after completely waking up.
A small bowl filled with rice appeared on his left and, after looking in that direction, he caught Junghoon filling up a glass of water and handing it to him as well. He was quiet, and didn’t meet Seeun’s eyes, but the gesture spoke volumes. Just like last night, when Junghoon had caught him after stumbling out of the van, Seeun felt a faint blush creeping up his neck in response to his friend’s silent acts of service.
He glanced at the plate, then around the table. Everyone was watching him, trying to be subtle but doing a terrible job at it; their attention was almost overwhelming and was starting to feel very annoying. He also felt uncomfortable; he couldn’t help it, knowing that he was in this situation because he managed to do such a bad job at taking care of himself that others had to step up in his place. Seeun wasn’t used to feeling weak like this, much less being taken care of like this outside of his family, since he always made sure to put his funny, snarky persona mask on at all times in an attempt to never worry anyone. At that moment, he felt like all those years of building the Seeun that he was today were crumbling down, and he had no one else to blame but himself.
Shaking his head in an attempt to get rid of his thoughts, he looked around the table trying to find a specific person. There, seated at the very end of the table, almost shrinking into his chair like he wanted to disappear, was Junmin. His head was bowed, and his usually bright eyes were fixed on his plate, too concentrated on destroying a perfectly made egg with his chopsticks without actually eating it. A palpable guilt radiated from him, a heavy cloud in the otherwise peaceful atmosphere. Seeun’s stomach churned slightly, not from sickness, but from an uncomfortable tension; he knew they’d have to talk about it, not only between the two of them but the whole group, but he honestly would rather get sick out of his mind again before breaching the awkward conversation.
He wasn’t mad at his hyung, not really, and that’s what made the soon to be had conversation uncomfortable; he just wanted to move past it and go back to how things used to be. If he could, he’d just telepathically communicate to Junmin that there was no bad blood between them and then go play League of Legends with the older like nothing had happened. Of course, Seeun wasn’t a telepath and, if he wanted the group to go back to normal, he needed to confront the situation like the adult that he was and properly communicate. That didn’t mean he didn’t want to throw a tantrum about it, though.
“How are you feeling, Seeun-ah? Are you still dizzy?” Minjae asked once he had sat down back at the table next to Junmin, who was still treating the now destroyed egg like a war prisoner.
Seeun suppressed the urge to roll his eyes again at his leader. He was just worried about him, that’s all, so he could be kind and answer the question like the respectful dongsaeng that he was.
“I’m fine, hyung. I’m not dizzy anymore, just a little tired.” He ate a spoonful of rice and kimchi as if to prove a point. In return, Minjae simply raised an unimpressed eyebrow and nodded.
“He’s still a little feverish,” Sumin added, the traitor. Seeun threw him an angry look, but doubted it did any damage with his cheeks full of food. “But it’s really light. It’s probably residual.”
Desperate to change the topic, Seeun quickly swallowed his food.
“Shouldn’t we be preparing for practice? We’re probably late already,” He tried asking in a futile attempt to deflect the spotlight. He looked around the table, trying to catch someone’s eye.
"No need. I spoke with Manager-nim this morning,” Minjae shook his head, a small smile gracing his features. “I told him you were under the weather and that the whole group was exhausted, so he gave us two full days of rest."
"Yeah!" Yujun chirped, putting an arm over his shoulders happily. "Thank you, Seeunie! You managed to get rest for all of us! We should get sick more often during comeback season!"
Hyunwoo groaned, letting his head fall into his hands. “Please don’t. I won’t be able to take it.”
A burst of laughter erupted from everyone, managing to break the lingering tension. Even Junmin managed a small, almost imperceptible twitch at the corner of his lips. At that, Seeun found a small smile forming on his own face, the first genuine one since waking up.
The breakfast continued with a lighter atmosphere, though the attentiveness towards Seeun remained. Junghoon refilled his water glass without being asked, Hunter kept an eye on his plate, and Yujun made sure to bring him into his and Yechan’s conversation any time he could. Seeun, despite his initial discomfort, found a strange warmth spreading through him.
After the last plates were cleared, Minjae cleared his throat, the small sound still managing to command the group’s attention. His earlier soft demeanor had changed, being replaced by an expression he always took when he needed to have serious chats with them, and that everyone immediately recognized by now.
"Okay, let’s talk," Minjae began once he had everyone’s attention. "I’m sure we all agree that what happened last night serves as a learning point for all of us."
He looked around the table, his gaze lingering on every member. "What happened with Junmin and Seeun was the breaking point, not the beginning. We've all been running ourselves into the ground. Grueling comebacks and high-stress practices are always going to happen, that's our job. But we have to learn how to balance that stress with taking care of ourselves and each other. That to say, what happened last night can never happen again."
Seeun saw everyone nodding, the gravity of Minjae’s words sinking in. He nodded, too, the feeling of guilt returning with full force. If he had told someone, anyone, or even asked for help, they wouldn’t be having this conversation. But asking for help felt so difficult for him; he’s been taking care of himself ever since he got into Pledis, and getting rid of old habits was a long journey.
"We all need to be more responsible," Sumin added, his arms crossed. "For ourselves, and for the group. That means speaking up when we're struggling, not just pushing through until we break."
"But it's hard," Seeun spoke up, hating how small his voice sounded all of a sudden. He looked down at his hands, that vulnerable feeling he had been trying to ignore coming back full force. "I... I know I should have said I was sick, but... I don't know. I feel like my job in the group is to be the... the lovable jerk. The one who pokes at Jinsik-hyung and makes Yechan laugh. I'm supposed to be dependable and funny, not the one everyone has to... you know... baby."
"Seeun-ah," Jinsik said, his voice laced with emotion. "Do you really think that's all you are to us? We don't love you because you're snarky. We love you, and your snark is just... the weird, annoying bonus."
"He's right," Hyunwoo agreed, his voice rough. "We are more than happy to take care of you, Seeun-ah. Just like you're always trying to take care of us. You just... you have to let us."
Seeun sighed and lowered his head. He was touched by their response, and hearing their reassurances voiced out loud definitely helped him feel less like a burden, yet he still struggled to let others worry about him, let alone care for him. But if this was the family he was willing to spend the majority of his life with, then he needed to get over those feelings. So, after a beat, he nodded.
"Okay. I'll try to be more open. I think the years I spent training outside of KQ just made me build thick skin, and I’m only now realizing I don’t need to do that anymore." Seeun raised his head to look at his members one by one, pausing briefly by Hunter, a look of understanding and deep care running through both of them from their shared past. “Please be patient with me. I promise I’ll try.”
“That’s all we’re asking for,” Sumin answered, with a small smile that Seeun returned gladly.
“Well, I’m glad we’re finally all on the same page,” Minjae said. “Again, let’s all remember to be more mindful of our team, not just to take care of each other but also understand when to ask and when to give them space. And, be open about our own struggles so that we don’t have to face them alone. Do we all agree?”
A chorus of yesses and nodding of heads answered back.
“Great, then,” Minjae ended, and a heavy silence settled on the table. Everyone was waiting for the final issue to be addressed, and Seeun just wanted to dig a hole and disappear.
Finally, Junmin, who had been sitting at the end of the table next to Minjae, slowly lifted his head, his eyes red-rimmed, not quite meeting anyone’s gaze. He cleared his throat, his voice barely audible.
“I… I need to say something.” His words were hesitant, almost swallowed by the silence. His whole body was tense, shoulders hunched and arms posed tightly at his sides. Seeun just wanted to hug his hyung. “About last night.”
Junmin took a shaky breath, his eyes still fixed on the table’s surface. “I’ve… I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself lately. What with the choreo, my lines on the songs… even interviews. They all started to feel like too much, but I didn’t allow myself to ask for help, or to even admit I was stressed. I’m your guys’ hyung, so I feel like I always have to have it all put together for your sake,” He swallowed hard. “And that just got me more on edge than ever. I understand now that, by trying not to worry you guys, I just ended up hurting you more than if I had asked for help to begin with.”
He paused, then slowly lifted his gaze. His eyes, brimming with unshed tears, finally met Seeun’s. The raw guilt and regret in them were unmistakable; Seeun had never seen Junmin, one of the most reliable people he knew, so remorseful.
“Seeun-ah,” he began, his voice cracking. “I am so, so sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. Not a single word.” Finally a tear escaped, tracing a path down his cheek. “Ever since… ever since I pushed you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and I wish I could take it all back.”
Junmin sniffled, trying to compose himself. Seeun shifted in his seat, uncomfortable at the display of emotions but also refraining from crying himself.
“I was so incredibly dumb. I didn’t notice everything you were doing for me, all your efforts. They were genuinely working, Seeun-ah. I felt at ease every time you did something for me, or even if you just stood beside me.” His gaze pleaded for understanding. “You were the only one who was actively trying to pull me out of my head, and I... I was just so on edge, I took all of my stress and I threw it at the one person who was trying to help me.”
Seeun felt his own eyes getting teary, remembering last night. Of course, he had forgiven Junmin right away, since he knew the older hadn’t meant anything he had said and was just acting out of pure stress and adrenaline, but he’d be lying if he didn’t say that the words hadn’t hurt. After being called annoying for so long by a multitude of different people, what previously wouldn’t have bothered him over time transformed into a raging insecurity that he tried to hide as best as he could behind a smirk and a shrug of the shoulders. Hearing Junmin apologize so sincerely brought Seeun a relief that he didn’t know he needed since the fight; suddenly, his whole body felt lighter, as if a whole amount of weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Junmin shifted his gaze, sweeping across the faces of the other members. “And I’m sorry to the rest of you, too. I understand your reactions, I really do. I would have done the same if any of you had reacted the way I did instead.” He wiped a hand across his face, trying once again to compose himself. “I promise I will keep trying to do better, as a groupmate and as a hyung. And I won’t let pressure and stress get to me like that again.”
A heavy silence descended upon the room, broken only by Junmin’s sniffles. Seeun watched as Minjae put his arm around Junmin’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort him; how Hunter, still fighting with his anger, shifted uncomfortably in his seat, how Jinsik had his own tears filling his eyes.
Finally finding his words, and feeling like he wouldn’t cry as soon as he opened his mouth, Seeun took a deep breath. “Junmin-hyung.”
Junmin flinched, his eyes darting back to Seeun.
“It’s okay, hyung,” Seeun continued, his gaze steady. “I forgive you.” He offered a small, reassuring smile. “We were all on edge. The schedules were grueling, and maybe I could have been more mindful about the way I worded things too. I know I can be… a lot.” A faint, self-deprecating chuckle escaped him. “But I appreciate your apology, immensely. And I promise to do better, too.”
Junmin nodded at him in response, the tension in his shoulders fully releasing after hearing Seeun’s words. Just like Seeun, it looked like a weight had been lifted off his hyung’s shoulders.
“I was really mad, Junmin-hyung,” Sumin then admitted, bluntly. “Really, truly mad.” His eyes, usually playful, held a sharp edge. “Seeing one of us hurt just… sent me over the edge, I guess. I don’t ever want to see any of us in that kind of predicament ever again.” He paused, then softened his tone. “But I also understand that you were stressed, and everyone makes mistakes. The fact that you’re our hyung doesn’t mean you don’t deserve care and affection too; so even if you think that you shouldn’t or couldn’t, please don’t hesitate to rely on us as well. You deserve to be supported just as much as anyone in the group. That’s how we make it through each day.”
“Understood,” Junmin, in a small voice, agreed.
Before the conversation could get even more emotional (something that sick Seeun could definitely not handle), Seeun rose from his chair, walked around the table to reach Junmin as fast as his still wobbly legs could carry him, and then pulled him into the tightest hug he could manage. Junmin stiffened for a moment, then sagged into the hug, his arms coming up to wrap around Seeun just as tightly. A choked sob escaped him, muffled against Seeun’s shoulder.
One by one, the other members rose. They moved towards the two, creating a tangled, comforting group hug. Seeun could hear a quiet sniffle from Jinsik, feel the soft pats on Junmin’s back from Minjae, a comforting squeeze from Hunter.
“I’m so glad we’re not fighting anymore,” Yechan’s muffled voice came from somewhere at his right.
“Yechan-ah, we’ll keep fighting if you keep stepping on my foot,” Junghoon’s also muffled voice responded, managing to break the moment as everyone laughed.
Seeun’s limbs still felt shaky, and he definitely could feel his weak fever refusing to back down, but right then, at that moment, squished between his chosen family, he had never felt safer.
He wasn’t naive, he knew more fights awaited for them in the future, but it didn’t matter, truly. They’d always find each other again.
As he tightened his grip on Junmin, he knew they were going to be just fine.