Chapter Text
FELIX
Things were becoming unbearable for Felix since that day in the conference room.
He was drowning in solo schedules, working overseas, and the skijigi would just not leave his side. The man was always there, offering to carry his things for him, anticipating his every need.
Felix was thirsty? A bottle of water would magically appear.
Hungry? Fried chicken would materialize itself in front of him.
Tired? Dohu would run around rushing everyone to be done with the schedule earlier.
It sounds good, doesn't it!? It sounds like the perfect skijigi. But, for Felix, it was all too much. Too perfect. He felt suffocated. Going through the days with a constant “Yongbok-shi this” and “Yongbok-shi that” by his ear.
Felix could feel through Hyunjin’s dry texts how annoyed he was about Dohu posing like a watermark behind him in every photo the fan sites took. The brunet was already kinda dodgy about trusting him, and Felix really couldn’t blame him for protecting himself now.
Even though the blond hadn’t cheated, he had spent a considerable amount of time holding back. Establishing conditions for them to be together, running from his feelings, trying to minimize what they had. He would say it was because he was focused on his career, on the promises he made to his mother, but these excuses sounded more and more flimsy as the days went by.
If he was going to be honest, the truth is that he was scared he was not enough. He never allowed himself to indulge in the idea of Hyunjin wanting him back. Not Hwang Hyunjin, the most desirable idol in the industry. Tall, handsome, talented and with hips that moved as if he was sin itself. And, at the same time, being the sweetest, most caring and sensitive person Felix had ever known.
My soft prince…
Hyunjin could have anyone he wanted, and he made the most of this advantage. Meanwhile, he always treated Felix as a fragile little thing, not to be touched or desired. A precious little angel. But the blond was no angel, so he built walls that protected him from his feelings, and when those walls began to crumble, he just couldn’t handle it.
Now he was all tangled up in this mess he created, with everything getting worse when social media noticed the excessive presence of Dohu and interpreted this in the worst way possible, overanalyzing every situation.
“Is Felix dating that skijigi?”
“That guy is always around and he's so sweet to Lix. I'm sure they are together!”
“Oh my God, the skijigi is using Lix's LV necklace! IT'S HIS NECKLACE!”
“He even posted a photo of himself with the neckless! They are trying to tell us something!”
He what?
Digging a little deeper, Felix found the picture. It was just a mirror selfie, nothing much. But that definitely was his necklace.
From the date on the post, he identified it was taken during a photoshoot. The blond remembered asking Dohu to hold the jewel for him, since he had to pose with other pieces, but he was not supposed to wear it!
This has gone way too far. I’ve delayed talking straight to this guy long enough.
✧✧✧
Felix was determined to make everything crystal clear to Dohu on the next day of schedule. He could not wait until the end of the day and decided to talk to him right there on a corner of the venue during a break, desperate to have some closure.
“What do you need, Yongbok-shi? Just tell me and I’ll make it happen.” There it was again, that cloying, subservient tone.
“For one, I need you to stop always making things happen, Dohu.” Noticing the guy’s face immediately assuming a hurt expression, Felix tried to soften his own tone. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Look, I think things are somewhat weird between us, because, you know, our history...”
“Do you feel uncomfortable around me?” The other’s voice carried now the same amount of hurt that could be seen in his face.
I really thought this could go smoother. It was one night! Not even that. Just a couple of hours and we haven’t talked in months. It’s not supposed to be this hard.
“Maybe a little, I’m sorry.” The blond was really fighting to find the right words. “I saw the photo you took with my necklace… You were not supposed to wear my necklace, Dohu. Let alone post a picture with it.”
Although Felix did his best to be gentle, the skijigi still got extremely distressed by the reprimand. “No, Yongbok-shi, I’m the one who needs to apologize. I thought… I just thought it looked cool. I shouldn’t have done it. Please forgive me.” While talking, Dohu reached his hand and grabbed the blond’s forearm. A possessive gesture that weird Felix out, making him recoil from the touch immediately.
What’s up with this guy?
Freeing his arm, he continued talking. “I just think it would be better for both of us not to work together anymore. Wouldn’t you prefer to go back to the idol you were working for before? I’m sure we can talk to someone and make this happen...”
“No!” The skijigi interrupted him. “It’s not just work. I’ll always prefer to be by your side, Yongbok-shi. It took me so long to manage to be reassigned back to you, I don’t want to give that up. I’m sure we can work it out.”
He made this happen? This is not going as I thought it would at all!
“Dohu, listen… The way you talk… It makes me feel that you think something might still happen between us, and I need to make it clear to you that it will not. I’m with someone else now…” He was cut off again.
“With Hyunjin-shi?”
Damn it!
“What? Why would you ask that?” Think, Felix! You need to escape this.
A cloud seemed to take over Dohu. Not from hurt or sorrow. It was a thunderous cloud, the type that announces a storm is coming. “I know he was the one that took me out of your service. But what for? He doesn’t take care of you like I do. He’s not here, is he? I am.”
Felix felt the hair in his nape stir as he realized this would in fact be much harder to escape than he initially thought.
“Ok, everyone. Break is over. Reassume positions, please.” A staff member of the brand called over, and the blond watched as Dohu’s face changed completely. Back to that cloying and subservient demeanor.
“Let’s forget this conversation, Yongbok-shi. Just go do what you do best. And I’ll be here for anything you need. I’ll always be here.”
✧✧✧
Back in his hotel room after the schedule, Felix was still dumbfounded with everything he had heard.
Where did I get myself into? That guy is crazy! I’ll definitely need Chan-hyung's help with this one…
As if on queue, his phone rang at this exact time, with Bang Chan's name buzzing on the screen.
“Hyung, hi! I was just about to call you…”
He didn’t get to finish talking, being cut off mid-sentence by an angry Chan. “I hope you were about to call me to explain this picture.”
Fuck!
“Yes, hyung.” Felix began, feeling embarrassed. “The necklace picture. I'm sorry, I don’t know what Dohu was thinking…” He didn’t finish once again.
“Necklace?” The surprised tone in Bang Chan's voice starteled him. “There's a necklace photo to be held with too? What the hell, Felix? You used to be the most discreet among us. What’s happening?”
Too?
“Wait a minute, hyung. What do you mean with ‘too’? What other picture are you talking about?”
“Don't you know? I’ll forward it to you. Check our kakaotalk.”
Fuck the fuckery fuck!
Checking their private chat, Felix saw the social media links Chan had sent him. There were a lot of posts with a grainy photo of Dohu grabbing his arm. It didn’t have very good quality, but was still good enough to know it was them. The captions were going wild with assumptions.
“I told you they were together!”
“Were they fighting? A lovers quarrel?”
“I'm living for the drama!”
Felix couldn’t believe his eyes. That was inside the venue! How could someone take that picture?
Was someone from the staff? From JYP staff or from the brand staff? Or was it someone with an insanely good camera from outside? Through a window or something? Nothing makes sense!
While his head was spiraling, Felix could vaguely hear Chan talking in the back.
“I just saw the necklace picture as well. So? Are you actually dating this guy? I thought you and Hyunjin were together. Everybody thought that, to be honest. Are you dating both of them? Is that it? You know I usually don’t pry in your personal life, Lix, but this is running out of control. I can't stand seeing Hyunjin walking around with that miserable look on his face. I think he really likes you…”
That pulled the blond back to himself.
“Chris.” Felix demanded attention, and Chan stopped to listen. “I really like Hyunjin too. And I don’t have anything to do with that guy. I promise you. Not anymore.”
“Not anymore? I’m gonna need more details here, Lix.” Their leader sounded more at ease hearing Felix's confident tone, but he was still impatient to understand what was happening with his little aussie bro.
“I’ll tell you everything. Because I desperately need your help.”
“Ok. I'm all ears.”
HYUNJIN
“Oh, why, why
Why is it not me
In your eyes
I'm searching for a reason
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh”
“Wow, Hyunjin-hyung! Those lyrics are good!” Joha said after Hyunjin showed him his new song. “Were you inspired by some movie or TV show? This is deep!”
Is my life a movie or a TV show? A heartbreaking one, with a sad ending? Maybe it is…
“Yeah, sure. Do you think it's good?” Hyunjin was a confident person in many aspects of his life, but his music, his art, these were always sensitive topics for him.
“More than good! I wish you could release it officially... People will have this song on repeat, trust me!” His dongsaeng sounded super excited, and this worked as a boost in Hyunjin's self esteem, eliciting a much overdue smile out of him.
I thought I had forgotten how to do this. Smile…
It had been a couple of weeks since Felix went overseas for some solo schedules. Although they had talked before he departed, things were still a little shaky between them.
Hyunjin wanted to trust the blond. He really did. But he was also tired of this undefined thing they had going on. If he remembered correctly, even on their last talk, there was nothing about them becoming boyfriends or something more concrete.
He did say he hadn’t been with anyone other than me. But is that enough? After all the times he told me he didn’t want a relationship or any commitment?
Then came the pictures and posts on social media, with Dohu constantly glued to him. Then the necklace, and finally that grainy one on the venue of his schedule.
Something was definitely not resolved between them. Maybe he didn’t lie to Hyunjin and truly hadn’t been with the guy again before this trip. But what about now?
And even if he didn’t… wasn't this too messy already?
Hyunjin lived a perfect good life before all this thing with Felix began. No worries in his love life whatsoever. Now he was living things he had only read about in his poetry books or watched in k-dramas and Hollywood films.
The confusion, the mixed feelings, the uncertainty, the yearning, the longing…
The love.
There were no worries before, because there was never any love involved. Not until him.
It was true. Hyunjin had known all kinds of disturbing feelings since he and Felix began to hook up. With love being the most disturbing of them all.
Because he couldn’t remember a happier moment in his life other than the one when Felix sang him to sleep. He couldn’t think now of anything capable of warming his heart other than the blond’s smile directed to him. He couldn’t fathom ever loving again, if not him.
“Hyung? Are you listening?” Joha called for Hyunjin's attention, after who knows how long of talking to the wind.
“Sorry. I think my mind is elsewhere today.” In Paris, to be more specific. Following a certain blond.
Joha watched him with concern in his eyes. “Yeah, I can see that. You don’t look too good. Makes me wonder what actually inspired the song. Or who…”
Hyunjin averted his eyes immediately. Since he was never the best liar, deflecting seemed like the best option here.
“Do you want to talk about it?” The producer insisted.
“Not really. I don’t want to even think about it.” Hyunjin answered sincerely.
Hearing the sorrow in his voice, Joha decided to offer some help.
“You know what could be good to take your mind out of this? A roadtrip!”
That sparkled Hyunjin's interest. “A roadtrip?”
“Remember when we went to Jeju? That was fun! But there was technically a plane trip before the roadtrip… the one I was thinking about now it's also a plane trip, technically…” The producer began to ramble.
“Be more specific, come on. You already have my attention.”
Hyunjin loved to travel. To see new landscapes, new culture, new art, new life! He would always come back feeling renewed. Maybe that was exactly what he needed now.
“Ok. Hear me out…” Joha built the suspense. “How would you like to go to… Iceland?”