Chapter Text
Rosa had never believed in soulmates – the very notion that there was only one perfect person in the world for everyone was, quite frankly, ridiculous. She had grown up in a house of romantics, so her infant years had been filled with her mother’s explaining the intricate details of the joy of hearing those immortal words emblazoned on your wrist, while her sisters listened raptly and gushed about their future husbands. Honestly, the whole thing made Rosa want to hurl. The matter wasn’t helped by her tattoo. While her sisters had cheesy pick-up lines or words of romantic yearning, Rosa’s simply read “Don't tell me what to do!”. Any man who spoke to her like that would undoubtedly get a knife in the gut, soulmate or not. Yes, Rosa had never believed in soulmates, and it was for this reason that she always kept her wrist covered. At school she wore long sleeves so that no one could see her tattoo. Once she started ballet school, it became harder to hide. The leotards were short sleeved and they weren’t allowed to wear sweatshirts over the top.
Her parents died in a car accident when she was eleven. She didn't cry, not because she didn’t miss them – every time she thought of how her mother would never hold her again, how her father would never see another performance again, her heart shattered into a million pieces – but because she knew she had to step up to the plate. Being the oldest she felt it was her responsibility to keep it together for Bianca and Lisa, to protect them as best as she could. As none of their relatives lived in America, the three Diaz sisters found themselves in foster care. After a few months, they ended up with the Crawford's, a middle-class family consisting of a stay-at-home mom, a hardworking dad, and a teenage girl. The daughter, Emily, was the antithesis of Rosa. She was lively, girly, and completely obsessed with boybands. Living with the Crawford's didn't dampen Bianca and Lisa's appetite for the romantics. They constantly regaled their foster family with the same tales they'd tell their parents about how they'd meet their soulmates.
“What about you Rosa? How are you going to fall in love?” Mrs Crawford asked one afternoon.
“I'm not” She said simply, kicking herself off the couch and walking away from her gawking sisters.
She could feel everyone's eyes following her as she left the room. Love was stupid. Rosa loved her parents and now they were gone… she would never love anyone again. Rosa had always kept her emotions bottled up inside and would snarl in disgust if someone even tried to broach a touchy subject in her vicinity. Her paren's had always been scared that their beloved daughter would internalise so much that it would consume her soul; it would tear her spirit to pieces and Rosa would have no idea how to call out for help.
Rosa slumped in the chair in front of the Principal's desk. She ran a hand over her bruised knuckles as she sat in silence. It was beginning the throb steadily.
“Miss Diaz, we have a very strict policy on violence here”
Crossing her arms in front of her chest defensively, Rosa sank lower in her chair.
With a sigh, the Principal continued “Would you care to explain why you punched Miss Forte?”
Rosa shrugged non-concomitantly.
“Rosa, I'm not going to ask you again”
She remained silent for a beat more before shifting uncomfortably “She said…” she trailed off into mumbling.
“I'm sorry?”
“She said my parents aren't dead. That they probably got bored with me and ran off” Her voice was quiet, barely audible. She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that were beginning to brim there “She said no one wants me around... that I don’t belong here”
“I know you're going through a really tough time right now. Miss Forte should not have said what she did, but violence is not the answer. You're a good student, Rosa, and I'm going to place you on a warning. Do it again and I'll have no choice but to expel you, you understand?”
“Yes. Thank you, Ma'am” She sniffed.
“We've called your foster mother –”
“No –” She tried to interrupt.
Silencing the girl with a raised hand “She's going to pick you up and take you home. You can come back tomorrow morning”
The door behind Rosa banged open “Rosa, what were you thinking?” Mrs Crawford demanded, the moment she entered the room. “You can't go around hitting people!”
The girl just turned her head away from her, surreptitiously whipping her eyes. She ground her teeth in frustration.
Taking a seat beside her, Sarah grabbed hold of her shoulder “Rosa, are you listening to me? You've gone way too far this time, young lady!”
Snapping, Rosa hissed “Do you even care why I did it?”
“It doesn't matter why, punching people is never okay!”
“You can’t tell me what to do! You're not my mother” She muttered, kicking at the chair leg in frustration.
“What did you say?”
Swiveling so that they were face to face, Rosa snarled “I said you're not my mother, Sarah” Her words were carefully enunciated, as if speaking to a child, and there was venom behind them.
After tossing and turning for hours, Rosa finally gave up and rolled out of bed. She crept along the corridor to the kitchen. On her way she passed the living room, where Sarah was on the phone to their social worker. At the sound of her foster mother's voice, Rosa flattened herself against the wall so she could listen in whilst avoiding detection.
“Look, I like the girls.” She said, pacing around the room “Bianca and Lisa are little darlings. They get along really well with my Emily. It's just Rosa's … difficult.”
Rosa's breath caught in her throat and her heart stopped dead at the words.
“She's disrespectful and rude. She doesn't listen, she acts out. She causes trouble at school, I've been down to the Principal's Office so many times these past few months. I can't deal with her anymore”
Eyes pricking with tears, Rosa turned and fled back to her room. She threw herself onto the bed and buried her head in the crease between the pillow and the wall. Tears spilled down her cheeks uncontrollably, soaking her pillow. At some point during the night, Rosa fell asleep curled up tightly in a ball.
The next morning, Sarah called the three of them downstairs “Girls, we want to talk to you about something”
They sat down on the couch in silence, sensing that something was not right. Rosa's fists were clenching and unfurling at her sides, she knew what was about to happen. The air was thick as they glanced at each other, wide-eyed.
“Okay first I want to make it very clear that we love you guys being here. You're all amazing girls, but the thing is we're not sure it's working out, you staying here. We think that it might be better for you if you went to live somewhere else”
“Did we do something wrong?” Lisa asked, scared “We won’t do it again, we promise. Please don’t kick us out”
“No, no, sweetie, you didn't do anything wrong. We just think that maybe someone else might be able to take better care of the three of you”
Screwing her face up in pain for a second, Rosa took the plunge “Bianca and Lisa aren't the problem. If I go, can they stay?”
“No!” The younger Diaz girls protested, throwing themselves at Rosa as if she was going to suddenly turn into smoke and slip through their fingers.
Rosa pushed them both off of her lap, in order to get through this conversation she needed to avoid every distraction possible. She bit down hard on her lip, desperately battling against the stinging in her eyes.
Sarah’s face crumpled as she realised the girl had heard everything she’d been saying over the phone the previous night “Rosa –”
“Don’t worry” She cut her off dismissively “I get it. I’m too much”
It took their caseworker a few days to find somewhere suitable for Rosa to go. Her last day with her sisters was emotional. The previous night, the three girls had fallen asleep huddled together in Rosa's small bed. In the morning Lisa had woken Rosa up by kicking her in the back. She'd then spent the rest of the morning clinging to Rosa's leg. When her social worker pulled up outside, the little ones began to cry.
“Please don't go” Lisa begged, gripping tighter still.
Rosa knelt down in front of her sisterd, placing her hands on their shoulders supportively, lacing her fingers into their curly hair “I have to. I'll see you every Sunday. You be good for Sarah and Joe, okay?”
They nodded through their tears. Throwing their arms around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly.
“Come on, Rosa, it's time to leave”
She nodded, hugging Bianca and Lisa back one last time, she said “Bye. I'll miss you” Climbing into the car she shut the door behind her. Buckling her belt and rolling down the window she stuck her arm out to wave at her sisters as the car peeled away. She didn't let herself cry until there was no way they could see her.
“You okay, Rosa?” Her social worker asked, looking in the rear view mirror.
Brushing away her tears, she turned her head to her side so she didn't have to make eye contact with her “I'm fine”
Rosa spent the next 7 years bouncing from group home to group home, with the occasional short lived spell in a foster home. Nothing ever stuck for longer than a few months. She visited her sisters every Sunday after church like clockwork. It sometimes hurt deep inside seeing them in such a loving family with so many inside jokes with their family; knowing that she wasn't part of it. Eventually she aged out of the system. It took her a while to find her footing completely on her own in the world. While she may have felt alone for a long time, there was always an adult who paid for basic necessities: food, electricity, the roof over her head. She spent the vast majority of her time trying to find a job to support herself. Application after application after application. Rejection after rejection…
She met Jake her first day at the academy. The pair of them were in the same training squad. At first she wasn't sure how to feel about him. He was like one giant walking joke. Everything he said was ridiculous, his hair was stupid, and he was disrespectful. The last point was something Rosa actually admired (but would never cop to). Eventually she decided he was one of the good guys – after he got in trouble for punching a guy who apparently been saying misogynistic things behind her back.
“Thanks for what you did”
He shrugged “No problem I –”
“But just so we're clear:" She interrupted, her eyes flashing "I can deal douche bags myself” Her voice was verging on threatening.
“Oh, no doubt!” He elbowed her gently in the side “But what are friends for other than getting their hands dirty so you don't have to”
Despite everything, she found herself grinning back.
When Rosa got offered a promotion from beat cop to detective for the NYPD’s 99th precinct, she took the job immediately. It was a huge step up for her. Instead of patrolling all day, she got to work actual cases, and have an actual desk, and wear her own clothes instead of the scratchy uniform. When there was an opening for another detective on the squad, she immediately recommended Jake for the job.
Eventually the squad became like a family to her. Amy started working there. The second she opened her mouth Jake had dropped the coffee he was holding. Apparently, they were soulmates, or whatever. They started dating, then moved in together. They were happy. Or whatever. Rosa wasn't really paying attention. She still didn't buy into that soulmate crap. The idea that some ink on your skin could determine whether you'd be happy or not, was still ridiculous.