Chapter Text
“No,” he says.
“No,” he repeats.
The roses fall to the desk. His hands grip his hair, tugging at the strands. “No no no–!”
He squeezes his eyes shut, but she is still there. She was always there. Even when he was pretending that she wasn’t.
“You can’t,” he begs, “you can’t be here.”
“You’ve never denied me access to your room before,” she says. Her hand rests on his shoulder. “What makes you so panicked now?”
His eyes shoot open and he slaps her hand away. Turning around, he glares at her and her wicked stare. Her eyes gleam with nothing but joy in torment.
“You can’t do this to me,” Shadow Milk exclaims. He presses a trembling hand to his chest. “You can’t–I–he didn’t–”
“I’m just here to congratulate you,” Eternal Sugar muses, maneuvering to sit in the air. One leg crosses over the other, and she hums. “You’ve never been so happy. If I knew this was all you needed, I’d have gotten you a little boytoy much sooner–”
“Don’t,” Shadow Milk starts, “don’t say that. Don’t call him that. Don’t call him anything. Don’t even mention him.”
Eternal Sugar raises an eyebrow.
With a choked-up laugh, Shadow Milk covers his mouth. His vision hazes, and every time it goes dark, he’s reminded of her. He’s reminded of him.
Of the loopy stares and honeyed touches.
Of the sweet nothings and blissful lies.
Of the script.
His gut churns.
He turns to the trashcan and vomits.
Eternal Sugar just sighs, opting to pet his head like he’s a misbehaving puppy.
“You know dear,” she says, “I’m starting to think you don’t like me.”
“You think?” Shadow Milk spits out.
Her claws scratch his scalp before they curl, grabbing clumps of hair in her hand. “Oh, I don’t know why you’re so upset. You have your faerie now. You can live happily for just a moment.”
“No,” he croaks, squeezing his eyes shut. “No,” he repeats.
“You’re so against your own happiness, it upsets me dear. Why can’t you just relax for a moment? You still have over a week with this guy. And look! You can go back home to him. You can rest until I call on you again.”
“It’s not,” he laughs, “it’s not real.”
She yanks his head up. “Whatever do you mean?”
Shadow Milk shoves her hand away, turning to give her a weak glare. “It’s not real,” he says. “Nothing, none of this is real. I can’t do this, Sugar. I- I can’t do this to him–”
“But you did,” Eternal Sugar states.
And Shadow Milk wants to vomit all over again.
His hand wraps around his stomach. He collapses into the chair, heaving. Every organ in his body turns. Every bit of pain thumps worse than ever. His heart screams at him. His lips tremble, needing to scream back.
Eternal Sugar huffs, lulling her head to the side. “You’re being overdramatic, dear.”
“It’s not real,” he mutters.
“We can’t keep having this conversation.”
“It’s not real,” he cries, feeling the tears threaten to spill.
“Everything I write is real,” Eternal Sugar says. “Every word crafted from my pen is the truth of this world. Stop acting like just because you don’t want to see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”
“But it’s not!” Shadow Milk exclaims. His hands dig into his hair again. “You can’t tell me that he wants this! He can’t even tell me because your words are making him feel this way!”
“My words pushed him to confront you, and that is it,” Eternal Sugar spits out. She leans in closer, looming over him. “He wants you, dear. He’s told you so so many times now. Why can’t you see that?”
Because nothing has given him reason to.
His entire life, he’s never had a reason to be happy. He wasn’t happy at home. The second he thought he had freedom, Eternal Sugar was there to snuff the fantasy away. She’s been in control of everything that’s ever been said to him. She’s been in control of his movements and words. She’s been in control of his past and his future.
What makes Viridescent the exception?
Even if they occasionally go offscript, who’s to say his feelings are real?
Is he genuine when he says he loves him? Or is it something artificial crafted by the Playwright herself?
She made the character.
Now Shadow Milk has to be the one to play with it.
It makes him nauseous.
For a moment, he gave in. For a period of time, he sat aside his morals for desires. Curse him for wanting. Curse him for being tired.
Curse that pretty smile painted just for him.
“He’s not real,” he mutters. “He can’t feel…”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Eternal Sugar grumbles. She crosses her arms. “He’s a real cookie that had a life before you. He’s a cookie that will have a life after you.”
“Then leave him alone,” Shadow Milk begs.
She laughs at him. “You can’t expect me to do that.”
“I don’t care!” he pleads. “Let him go! Let him be free from this script!”
“I don’t just toss away a perfectly fine script–”
“Do I look like I’m asking?”
Her eyes furrow. He glares back.
“You don’t make demands,” Eternal Sugar says. “I’m the one in control here. I’m the god who controls this world, and you are just my puppet. You can’t pull your own strings. You can’t cut off someone else’s.”
Shadow Milk bares his teeth.
“And besides,” she continues, “what if you were right? What if when those strings are cut, he doesn’t want you anymore?”
His breath hitches.
“...I’ll just live with it,” he says. “I’ve gotten pretty damn good at living in misery.”
She laughs at him. She covers her mouth and giggles. “Oh, how precious. It’s adorable, dearie. But you know”–she leans in closer–“you wouldn’t have to do that. Even if his strings were cut, he’d still adore you.”
“You’re wrong,” he breathes. She’s just trying to get his hopes up. “He would hate me.”
“There is no room in his heart for hate,” she says. “He loves you. Don’t believe me? Go read his letter.”
Shadow Milk hesitantly turns to the letter underneath the disheveled roses. The air that enters his body slows. Eternal Sugar moves out of the way, allowing him to reach over and take the envelope.
It’s stamped with a mint wax seal of a tree. The tree in the center of the kingdom, if Shadow Milk had to guess. He opens it, finding three pieces of paper.
The first is a torn out page from Viridescent’s sketchbook. His lips part, recognizing it as one of the pages he was looking at yesterday. There he is: his sketchy headshots crafted with so much love.
The second piece of paper has the words “READ LAST” at the very top. He snorts at how not loopy the writing is. But he listens, unfolding the biggest piece of paper.
Hello, my love, I hope you are doing well. Apologies for not coming to see you, but you know how it is. Perhaps we could meet tomorrow for lunch? Remember that trail we went on the first night we met? If you continue down it, it leads to a lovely open field bathed in sunlight. I hope to see you there. If you don’t show up though, I understand. I do miss you dearly.
Goodness, sorry, I keep trying to figure out what to say. Nothing ever seems enough when it comes to you. I wish for all the time in the world to think about what to say. I can’t articulate my thoughts enough. I love you. And love isn’t enough. Even now, I wish to be by your side. I want to see your face when you read this, and watch as all the tension in your eyes fade.
I got to see it yesterday. I feel so thankful for that.
That’s part of why I included those sketches in the envelope. You seemed so struck by them, that it only seems fair that you have them. Perhaps I can show you more. I’ll decide which ones you can look at. I don’t need you learning anything else that I’m embarrassed by. Not yet, at least.
Though, you seemed so happy yesterday. I got to see your wonderful smile, and hear your gorgeous laugh. You truly are the definition of breathtaking. I want those things every day. I want them for you, for me, for us. Everything feels so hard to say. My chest hurts thinking about it. I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.
And you’ll call me silly for saying such a thing. And that will only make my love more true. I never knew I could love so much. Thank you for showing me that I could.
I left you a prose poem I wrote about you. Well, it started off as a poem, and then I rambled. I was just trying to get my thoughts out on a page one night when I was longing for you. It’s bad. Most of my poems about you are. I need more time with them. But they are made with love for you, so I appreciate them. I hope you enjoy it. And I hope I see you tomorrow.
With all my love, Viri
Shadow Milk covers his mouth. He turns to the last piece of paper.
I think I’ve loved before. But then I saw you, and I reconsidered. Because how can I see the brightest star in the sky and not want? How can I breathe in its dust and not crave eternity by its side? I thought I’ve loved before. But I saw you, and realized I’ve just scratched its surface.
Damnit, I love you. I love you so much it kills me. You’re all I think about. I close my eyes and I see your smile gifting me lifetimes. I fall asleep, and I dream of you next to me. I dream of you at my breakfast table. I dream of your enchanting laugh gracing my ears every day. Eons are not enough. I wish for more. I’ve never felt such a way. It’s terrifying. I want so much that it gnaws the bars in my gut.
I want you to let me love, and tell me that you feel the same. I want to wake up to you everyday and fall asleep to your breathing. I want to hear your complaints about the weather. I want to learn every detail about you.
You are perfection. You are the petals I didn’t know had blown off my stem. And my anemone, I need you. I need every bit of you until we are one. I need you so much it scares me.
Because for the first time in all my years, I am in love. Please stay with me.
And he cries.
His fingers curl, letting the page tremble in his hands. He holds it close, never wanting to let go. Never wanting to look away and be brought back to his reality.
But he wakes. Eternal Sugar places her hands on his shoulders and leans in.
“Sweet, isn’t it?” she whispers. “I don’t tell him to do these things. He really has a mind of his own. But that’s what makes him perfect for you.”
Shadow Milk sobs, shaking the page in his hands. Tears trickle down, splotching the ink.
“Just give in, dear,” she says. “Just give in.”
His whole body trembles.
“Just give in,” she repeats. She pets his head.
“He loves you. Just relax. You can finally be happy.”