Chapter Text
---------------
Aiden was quiet in the sling against Jeannie's chest as they sat and waited for Carson on one of the infirmary beds. It had been two weeks since the incident on the planet and John was back to feeling completely like himself. While he was still protective of Jeannie and Aiden, it was a level that Jeannie and Kate had both assured him was completely normal for a new father.
Father... a word he had never thought to associate with himself since his transformation. John and Kate had talked for a good long while a couple of days ago with her chiding him mildly over not mentioning how significant the issue was to him. Kate also made him talk about his instinctual urges a little. He had long been afraid that the others would think him insane and lock him away and because of it had never shared this part of his transformation with anyone before. But he tried in halting words to share with her what he felt for his queen and his young. To hear her say that none of it was unexpected came as a surprise. Also a surprise was her revelation that the doctors and scientists privy to John's full records had actually long expected some of John's hive-like behavior and had been very surprised when he had displayed none.
He and Jeannie had also done a joint session with Kate and sorted out all sorts of doubts and fears they both had. It had made John sad to hear that Jeannie still thought she was incompetent as a mother, in his opinion, she took care of Aiden effortlessly with the combined skills of a hundred generations of women before her and not an iota of incompetence to be found.
Sam and Rodney had dealt with the IOA regarding the baby's status as well as John's. It involved a lot of yelling on Rodney's part- a lot of yelling. In the end the IOA grudgingly agreed to allow John and Jeannie to formally adopt Aiden. Rodney would not tell either of them what it had cost him in the end.
And now they were waiting for Carson and the results of his further investigation into John's transformation.
Carson was smiling as he approached. John tried not to read too much into that, Carson tended to grin like a loon whenever Aiden was in his immediate vicinity, but a little sliver of hope crept into his mind.
Hope that was soon vindicated as Carson started the conversation by saying, "I have some good news."
***
The lights in their quarters were dim as Jeannie had just laid a sleeping Aiden in his bassinet. John was staring out of the window at the play of the city's lights off the water. It was something he use to sit alone and watch for hours immediately after his transformation. He could sit and stare and think out his problems before making a final decision. Back then he only ever had to think about himself in his decisions. Now, he had a wife and child to consider and he didn't know what to do.
Jeannie's arms slipped around him and she pressed her cheek to his shoulder. "Hey. He's asleep. Wanna slip out on the balcony for the conversation that we both know we need to have?"
John placed his clawed hand top of Jeannie's. "Yeah."
The moved outside, Jeannie went and leaned on the railing looking out. "So... you've been really quiet since we talked to Carson. Wanna tell me what you're thinking?"
John didn't know how to answer. Carson's news that he had discovered that John's Ancient gene had in fact interacted with the Wraith retro-virus and had been what caused the reversal to abort was most welcome. It was the missing answer that had stymied them all for so long. Welcome, too, was the news that they had been able to formulate yet another retro-virus that would complete John's transformation back to being completely human. The down side to all of it, however, was that there was a fifty-fifty chance that John would not survive.
John moved alongside Jeannie. With a little sigh he said quietly, "It's too risky."
"But do you want to try?" Jeannie countered.
"I might have... before you and Aiden. Now... it's too risky."
"You take a risk of not coming home every time you go on a mission, John. Same odds."
Without meeting her eyes, John reached over and rubbed the pad of his thumb over the area of her wrist that Jeannie used to mark. "Too risky," he repeated.
Jeannie put her hand over his and squeezed. "Hey... you know when we first started out I used to worry all the time. But you're a solider and I had to accept that. I'm...," she hesitated.
"What?" John prompted meeting her eyes.
"I'm not the same broken woman who came to Atlantis, John. I'm stronger now and that final option I had been so desperately holding onto just isn't an option any more. Don't turn down the treatment because you think I wouldn't be able to handle a bad outcome."
John nodded and looked back out to the sea. "I'm afraid."
"Of dying?"
"No... that... you said it, I'm a soldier, I'm used to that. It just... if it works... everything's going to change. Everything."
Jeannie pressed closer to John. He put his arm around her, tucking her in tightly next to him. "Like what?" she asked.
He didn't answer so she answered for him. "You're still going go gear up and fight the Wraith to protect this city. You're still going to come home to me and listen to me babble on about my projects while we have dinner. You're still going to hold Aiden and make him feel safe. And you're still going to sleep beside me and wake up next to me every morning. None of that will change and everything else is just incidental."
John didn't say anything but his squeezing her a little closer let Jeannie know that she had hit upon some of his biggest concerns.
"John... I love you. Nothing will ever change that."
Her words kept echoing through John's head later on as he tried to fall asleep. Jeannie was asleep next to him and he leaned up to watch her sleep in the moonlight. Softly he whispered, "Still too risky,” as he softly brushed a curl away from her face.
---------------
Jeannie was running late in getting home for the evening, one of her projects deciding to go bottom up at the last minute. It had been six months since John brought Aiden home and they had managed to hammer out a fairly normal routine for their little household.
It was well after their normal dinner time when she entered their quarters. There was some soft Johnny Cash playing on John's open laptop and Aiden's diaper bag was on the bed, but she didn't immediately see John or the baby. The sound of running water caught her attention and she opened the bathroom door.
She smiled seeing John holding a giggling Aiden as they stood under the warm spray.
“Hi,” she said as she closed the door behind her to keep the heat in.
“Hey. We ate with the others. Ronon gave him a chocolate cupcake. This was the easiest way to get the sticky off of both of us.”
Jeannie chuckled. “We really should make him babysit sometime.”
“Grab a towel?” John asked as he opened the glass door.
Jeannie unfolded a fluffy white towel and John passed off a now-clean Aiden to her. She wrapped the warm towel around the baby and kissed his head. “Hi, sweetie. I missed you today.”
John grabbed a towel of his own and wiped his face.
Jeannie took a step closer to John and went up on tip-toe to give him a quick kiss. “I'll go get him in his pajamas.”
“Okay,” he replied as he started to dry his body off.
She had almost closed the door behind her when she paused and stuck her head back in the room to ask playfully, “Can I talk you into another shower once he's asleep?”
“Might take some convincing,” he said with a grin.
“I'm sure I can come up with something,” she replied with a wag of her eyebrows as she closed the door.
John chuckled to himself, intimate time together had become a premium since Aiden had arrived. He turned towards the mirror and looked at his reflection, still surprised after all this time. He wrapped the towel around his hips and left the bathroom.
***
Hours later, as Aiden slept soundly in his crib behind the room divider, John and Jeannie lay cuddled together in a sleepy, sated pile on their bed.
John's hand was running softly up and down Jeannie's back, alternately smoothing and mussing the soft cotton of her nightgown. He whispered, “I found us a place to go, if we ever need it.”
Jeannie chuckled lowly into his chest. “You've said that three times before.”
“Yeah, but this one is perfect,” he replied as he took his free hand and intertwined their fingers. Her fingers looked so small compared to his own chunky clawed fingers.
“And what makes this one so perfect?”
“Not all of the people living there are... human. I... um...,”
“You wouldn't stand out so much?” Jeannie finished for him.
“Yeah, that.”
Jeannie shifted around so she could see his face. He had declined Carson's treatment seemingly without a single regret six months ago. Since then, however, they had had many serious conversations about where they would go and what they would do if they absolutely had to leave Atlantis. John had taken to scouting out planets during his missions, trying to find a safe, accepting place where they could live out their lives in peace. They had a couple of emergency bags packed with essentials ready to go on a moment's notice and a list of safe gate addresses memorized. It was all they could do.
Jeanie leaned up and softly kissed his lips. “I'll add it to our list.”
She settled back down next to him and quickly nodded off.
John lay awake a while longer, savoring the feel and the scent of his queen on his skin. He had never second-guessed his decision to decline the treatment. His life was full, complete even. He had a wife and child who loved him, and friends who supported him. And most importantly, they were happy... for anyone's definition of happy, and no one in their right mind second-guesses that.
the end.