Chapter Text
Chapter 8.
Sam wasn’t stupid.
Many people underestimated him because of his “baby face”, long hippie hair and gentle nature. But being underestimated helped as he worked his way through college, flying under the radar and making sure his grades spoke for him. It was always a fight to get into the top classes, keeping his grades up and perfect attendance. Almost four years down and in a few months all Sam’s hard work would pay off and he would graduate Summa Cum Laude, while essentially doing it all on his own. Unlike some of the brats he had classes with, whose parents threw money at the university to get their children in because of some family legacy. Sam made sure when he was recognized on campus that it was for his work and his work alone that made the difference, not brown nosing his professor’s asses. So that fact that Gabriel thought that his tenacious lover would just leave him alone after what he had witnessed? Would just either forget or gloss over the last couple hours? Not a chance. Well he would gloss over the last couple hours as if they didn’t happen because his lover asked him to, but he wouldn’t forget. He was going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other.
After he had helped Gabe to the apartment above his shop and laid him down in the spare room, Sam laid out some aspirin and water for Gabe whenever he woke up. Moonlight filled the room with a bright light. Sam could make out Gabe’s silhouette laid prone on the bed; haphazardly splayed across the mattress, barely covered by a sheet. Sam started to turn but at the last second something caught his eye. Sam walked to the edge of the bed and looked at the golden skin of his lover’s back, the perfection marred by the thin white lines. Something niggled at the back of his mind, but then Gabe groaned and rolled onto his side, pulling the blankets up to his shoulders. Sam chuckled as he made his way to the tiny kitchen and fixed a pot of coffee, his mind a whirl wind of activity. A thought struck him as odd. Usually Gabe was happy go lucky. Always in a happy mood, would give the shirt off his back if anyone asked for help and rarely asked for help in return. Tonight case in point. Another one of Gabe’s new hires just didn’t show up and texted Gabe that she quite. So instead of asking Sam to help with the shop Gabe was completely prepared to work yet another graveyard shift with maybe five hours of sleep within the last two days. Thank god Sam stopped by the café on his way home from school like he usually did to just check in on his friend. Even though Gabe was obviously more than a few years older than Sam, he couldn’t help but need to check that his friend and lover was safe and had everything he needed.
The part of Gabe not asking for help when it was needed kept circling around in his mind, not shaking loose. Sam knew he would be busy for a while with this problem. He hummed as he listed to the coffee start and debated on cooking some actual food but couldn’t find hunger anywhere at the moment. That suited him just fine for now. He could get straight to research. Sam fixed a cup of coffee while his laptop booted up. Scars. His mind whispered to him. They somehow held the key to tonight’s episode. Sam pulled up the image of Gabe’s back in his mind. How had he not noticed them? It wasn’t as if he and Gabe were new lovers and he hadn’t had a chance to explore his body but come to think of it. Usually the smaller man kept his back turned away from Sam; Gabriel did prefer sex on his back. Was that the reason? Sam pictured the little straight lines scattered across Gabe’s back. They didn’t look raised. No like the ones on Gabe’s arms and wrists. Those he clearly done to himself. Sam paused as an awful thought entered his head. It was so obvious now. The ones on Gabe’s back were perfect. Too perfect for Gabe to have done. Which meant that someone had done that to Gabe. Sam felt his breathing pick up. He could picture Gabe lying on his stomach, held down. No, probably tied down. There was faint scaring around his wrists to suggest little else no that Sam thought about it. Rope? Or could it have been twine or yarn?
Sam could feel the bile rolling in this stomach. Something to do with Gabe’s scars triggered his panic attack tonight. Thank god Gabe didn’t live alone anymore now that Cas was in town. His thoughts flickered to Dean for a moment. Hoping he was having a good night and wouldn’t blind Sam with his naked ass again when he went home at a decent time in the morning. He paused his musings to be thankful that his brother moved cities just to say with him. Sam was going to need his help. Which at that moment, Dean was unaware of his younger brother’s musings but he would soon find out. Sam tucked into the couch and pulled up the internet. Typing the search bar on Google, Sam briefly wondered if this could be considered a breach in Gabe’s trust but he couldn’t make himself care for now. Having Gabe safe meant more to him than having Gabe happy with Sam at the moment.
Gabriel Novak, second youngest son to the Watts-Novak Empire, hospitalized at local facility after being brutally attacked.
Sam stared at the old headline for a few minutes. Well fuck.
^^^^^^
He wasn’t as young as he used to be. Not that Cas thought he was really old at the moment but still. (It wasn’t like he was that close to thirty. Right?) Sneaking out of his lover’s house at the ass crack of dawn was something he had only done a handful of times and was usually well deserved. Cas tried to reason with his self as he lay in the warm cocoon of his body heat mixed with Dean’s. He wasn’t sneaking out per say just that his trusted five am alarm went off for his morning run before work, and it was the first day of the semester and he was the new, new teacher and he was pretty sure he had a million other things to be doing at the moment but he lazed in bed, not really trying very hard to talk himself into moving, curled around the hard, warm muscular back of Dean. He certainly felt lucky to have met Dean. He couldn’t even be mad at Gabriel anymore since his last prank is what actually got him an interesting introduction to the hottest detective Cas had ever had the privilege of almost being arrested by. At the moment though, Cas felt like a creeper as he buried his face into Dean’s slightly sweaty neck and just breathed in his scent. Leather, oil and something dark. He briefly wondered if he could get a candle with those scents but chuckled as he pushed that thought away.
He needed to get up, to get going but his body refused. Didn’t he get enough of a workout last night? His thighs agreed at the moment but Cas wasn’t lazy. (Okay he totally was if the state of his room offered any proof but hey he was a single guy at the moment!) If he didn’t run today than it would be that much easier to skip tomorrow. With a quiet but heartfelt sigh, he heaved his body out of the warm comfort of blankets and lover to wonder back through the house until he gathered up his clothes and start some coffee.
At least his walk of shame wouldn’t be too shameful, or that much of a walk. Not that Cas was worried. He knew Gabe had probably slept at the shop and he knew Sam had steered away from the house. He made a mental note to ask Gabe how his relationship was going with Sam. Before he moved to town, he and Gabe talked on the phone weekly and Gabe had picked up the annoying habit of sending him “doggo memes” on Facebook (insert eye roll) that he never understood but appreciated anyway, so he was completely caught up on their whatever-you-would-call-it-relationship. Not friends with benefits but not really something more? Maybe? Shaking the thought away Cas felt something else niggle at the back of his mind. Wasn’t there some reason he just wanted to laze in bed with Dean? Other than the obvious of course.
Sub drop.
It was an extremely important part of aftercare. He had done so much to Dean in such a short span of time Cas felt worry start to burry deep into his stomach. He had almost forgotten about the drop. After an unusually intense night Dean was still at a high risk for an ugly drop. Dressed again, minus his shoes because he still hadn’t been able to locate his socks, and still pondering how to comfort Dean in case he dropped while Cas was at work, he unlocked the backdoor and stepped onto Dean’s porch when brilliant idea hit him. Guess he wasn’t running this morning. Not that his thighs were complaining. Cas hopped the fence dividing Dean and Gabe’s properties easily before strolling into Gabe kitchen to gather what he needed.
An hour and a half later, and freshly dressed and wide awake, Cas tiptoed back into his lover’s house, upstairs once again only to pause at the office he spied during his rushed tour of the house last night. Cas walked in and took a deep breath. There was a brown leather chair pushed tightly into the corner by the window, a completely full bookshelf that looked to be struggling under all the books on it had about an inch of breathing room next to the desk who he assumed was Dean’s. Cas causally glanced at the furniture in case Dean had case information out on it but paused as he spied what looked like milk crates packed tightly with vinyl’s on the floor next to a record player and he couldn’t help but smile as he dug through them. Cas said fuck it and scrounged around Dean’s desk until he found brightly colored sticky notes, then quietly snuck back to the bedroom, observing that Dean was still asleep but had shifted to his stomach. Cas paused to appreciate the golden skin dusted with freckles that was just starting to glow in the morning light before he gently place the note. Giving Dean’s forehead one last soft kiss Cas finally slipped out and started his day. He wasn’t Gabe’s brother for nothing.
^^^^
Dean woke slowly, stretching out to find the left side of his bed empty and cold which meant that Cas had been gone for a while. Dean hissed as hurt/regret pool in his stomach surprisingly fast. He groaned and pulled the used pillow into his arms, burying his face into the material as images form last night raced through his mind. Each sound, each touch, each kiss. He thought it might’ve meant something. Was he wrong? Probably his mind whispered at him. Dean took a deep breath and caught the faint smell of Cas’s shampoo along with stale sweat from last night and he felt a deep sigh build in his chest but he tried to push it down.
He could feel the burn of unused muscles in his thighs and lower back, could feel the heat of embarrassment remaining from basically passing out from the force of his orgasm, and the residue of pleasure that lingered on the edges of his mind as hazy memories sparked across his tired brain of Cas gently bathing him. Dean looked down at his hips and saw dark bruises in the shape of fingers and he couldn’t have controlled the wave of arousal that flashed through his blood even if he tried. So if last night was so amazing why did he feel like a pile of shit this morning? He had been the one to usually snuck out after sex but he thought after last night that Cas would’ve stayed. Should he have asked Cas to stay for breakfast? Were they dating now? When could he see Cas again? Would Cas even be interested in him since he already put out?
Oh my god I’m turning into a girl.
He laid there quietly for a few more minutes berating his off the wall emotions and struggling to keep his tears at bay, ( I’m crying because Cas left before I woke up and I didn’t get to say goodbye? I’m growing a vagina) before forcefully tossing the pillow back onto the other side of the bed and sitting up, anger at his self helping to fuel his overused muscles. Stretching his arms toward the ceiling, Dean felt something pull tight across his ass as he bent to the side, slightly stinging when he reached over for his phone on the bedside table but ignored it. He walked to the bathroom as he checked his phone, willing for his heart to stop sinking because there weren’t any messages from Cas. The rant from Charlie about her LARP conference was now postponed due to rain attempted to brighten his mood but it barely managed. He let out a sigh and turned the water on to shower. Glancing over his shoulder Dean saw a flash of color in his mirror. What the fuck?
Twisting around in the mirror until he could see both of his ass cheeks Dean gaped. There was something bright pink taped to his right cheek. His heart pounded a little faster and not just because he was going to have to rip the tape off like a freaking band aid.
Good morning beautiful. How was your night?
Seriously? Dean rolled his eyes as hard as he could but he couldn’t deny the tendrils of happiness that spread through his chest, making him feel like a boulder was removed. Cas had thought of him this morning, enough to go poking into his office for sticky notes unless he brought one from home, enough to write a lyric from a corny country song. And that thought made Dean smile even wider because that meant that Cas had left and then came back because he wanted too. Dean showered quickly, he had favors to fulfill (a text from Benny asking for donuts as a start of his payment for having last night off.) Dean walked to his dresser and placed the note on top, still smiling like a fool as he got a pair of boxers from a drawer. He unfolded them and watched as a green note fluttered to the floor.
Office.
Dean didn’t bother pulling on his boxers as he left his bedroom to follow the notes instructions. He opened the door and looked around. Everything looked the same as he normally had it. He cautiously stepped into the room and noticed one on his vinyls propped on his office chair with another sticky note, yellow this time with little heart scattered around the text, attached to the front.
You shook me all night long.
Dean let out a low chuckle as he felt warmth spread across his cheeks and throughout his chest. So maybe he didn’t get to wake up next to Cas this morning, but it was obvious that Cas had spent some time thinking of him and going out of his way, in the dark no less, to leave a little, goofy, paper trail for him across his house. Dean pocketed the note and went to place his favorite album, Back in Black, gently into place when he noticed another piece of paper sticking up. He hurriedly flipped through until he found it. It only had a winkey face on it but Dean felt his face heat when he recognized what the note was stuck to. His guilty pleasure that no one knew about it, except Cas now. Though he was pretty sure Cas wasn’t going to forget about the Taylor Swift vinyl he probably found discretely tucked in between his classic rock vinyls. Dean turned to leave his office and noticed another note on the back of the door.
Coffee
“Bless you.” Dean whispered to imaginary Cas as he made his way downstairs. As he hit the lower level of the house a delicious aroma penetrated the morning haze that desperately clung to Dean’s mind. Whatever it was it smelled like coffee (duh. Cas) and bacon. His favorite food group. Dean walked into his kitchen and made straight for his favorite massive coffee mug. Only it wasn’t in the cabinet where he put it yesterday. Instead there was a legitimate note. Dean quirked an eyebrow and sat down at his island to read the scratchy hand writing.
Dean,
I regret not being able to stay with you this morning. Unfortunately, my alarm went off at five am because teacher? I really enjoy sleeping in and I adored sleeping with you last night. (And I would really like to do it again.) When you wake up and find this note I would like you to call me as soon as you are able. Last night was a new experience for you and I don’t want you to go through what’s called a sub drop. I don’t have time to explain in this letter but I can make time for you if you decide to call me. (I’d make time for you anyway.) Of course you could always do your own research on the matter but I would really appreciate if you would contact me anyway. To at least let me know how you’re feeling. A phone call, text, email, telegram? I hope one of those works for you. But I digress. I hope you have a good day.
Hoping to hear from you soon (no pressure though)
Cas.
P.S. In case you don’t want to talk to me, I have your favorite mug and holding it hostage at the moment. I’m thinking on drinking tea in it. Possibly green. Maybe a delightful Earl Grey. Thoughts?
P.S.S.- does something smell like its burning?
Dean laughed at the P.S. on the note. That explains where his mug was but he was puzzled at the P.S.S. on the note. He turned and looked at his oven but knew it was off. Shrugging his shoulders Dean walked over and opened the door.
“Hell yes!” Dean excitedly pulled out a still warm breakfast quiche that Cas must’ve baked this morning. Dean dug in right then and there. His lover made him breakfast before he left, he didn’t have to share it with anyone else. Dean whipped out his phone, smirking.
“Yo Bobby! I’m picking up donuts on the way but I’m going to be a little later than usual.”
It was so on.
^^^^
Cas sometimes regretted he became a teacher. He loved kids, he loved the curriculum and his fellow colleges. What Cas regretted at moment was early mornings that pulled him away from a very expressive lover who may or may not be too stubborn to call like Cas asked him too. Or was in too much of a rush this morning to even notice his notes. What if he was in the middle of a drop and couldn’t find his phone to get to Cas? What if he needed Cas but Cas wasn’t answering him? Cas pulled out his phone discreetly from his desk. No missed calls and no messages. He could feel panic and failure start to build but he forced himself to take a deep breath and focus on what was around him.
He was currently in his classroom on his first day as a teacher here and was about to have a mental breakdown because his lover had yet to contact him. Cas was elbow deep in sorting papers when a soft knock sounded on his classroom door. Cas looked up over the rim of his glasses to see the last person he expected standing his doorway. Cas felt heat rush to his face and then glared at his students as he heard several interested “ ooo” come from the back row before making his way to the other man, grinning like a cheshire cat as Cas all but stalked him outside. Cas shoved him unceremoniously into the hallway and shut the classroom door with a bang.
“Dean.” Cas wide eyes met Dean’s wicked green ones that seemed to be dancing with mischief. “What are you doing here?”
Dean chuckled and reached out to snag Cas’s fingers from the door handle with his own, linking them together as they causally leaned against the wall as his other one reached out to gently touch the edge of Cas's glasses before running his finger tips down his cheek to cup his jaw.
“I brought you food dude.” Dean glanced down to his feel. Cas followed his gaze and recognized the box as one of Gabe’s. He raised an eyebrow as he looked back to other man. Dean gave an adorable shrug of his shoulders and pulled Cas closer to him, lightly resting his hands on the other man’s hips. As much as he wanted to wrap himself around Cas he had to keep his mind clear. He was at Cas’s job and Bobby would kill him for getting called about an officer doing indecent things at a public high school. “I know it won’t be as good as my breakfast this morning but I had to at least show you my gratitude some way. Plus I figured you hadn’t had a chance to eat this morning.”
Cas was slightly overwhelmed at Dean’s thoughtfulness. Yes Cas had started their little game with sticky notes but Dean didn’t need to come to see him when he was clearly about to go into work if judging by the gray suite that fitted him like a glove. Cas snapped his eyes back to Dean’s face when he heard the taller man’s soft chuckle. Apparently he had gone off to la la land and his eyes had wondered down that glorious body, making his mouth water at the memories from last night. Dean seemed to be remembering as well if the deep green and the slightly labored breaths were any hint.
Cas cleared his throat and took a half step back, popping the intense bubble that seemed to surround them and muffle anything outside of each other’s breathing.
They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity and a minute at the same time.
“Oh fuck this.” Dean snapped his hands up and grabbed Cas’s face. Pulling the other man toward him and slamming their mouths together. Hard enough for teeth to click and somewhere in the background Dean heard a groan but he was too far gone to really care if it was him or Cas.
Dean pulled away just as fast as he came in and pressed his forehead against the shorter man. Hot breath brushing over Cas’s spit slick lips, making him shiver and twist his fingers deeper into the material at Dean’s sides. He hadn’t realized he grabbed onto Dean but now he couldn’t make himself let go.
Dean took a few deep breaths and wrapped his arms around Cas’s back, pulling him closer while leaning down to whisper in his ear as his lover buried his face in Dean’s neck.
“I’ve got to go to work babe.” Cas whimpered at the pet name. It felt so juvenile but he loved it anyway. “But I wanna see you later. Okay? We need to talk about last night right?”
Dean felt Cas’s nod of agreement and grabbed Cas’s hands. Unwinding them from the material and drawing far enough away that he could see his favorite blue eyes.
“Are…are you okay though?” Dean could see that clearly Cas was worried about him. Which usually would’ve irked Dean no matter who was asking that question. (Except maybe Sam. No okay. Sam would’ve pissed him off too.)
“We will talk about this later but yes, I am fine. Your notes this morning helped. But we can’t talk about that here. Little ears.” Dean pointedly looked through the door into Cas’s classroom. He followed his lover’s gaze and Cas felt his face become swamped with heat. In his distraction with Dean, Cas had forgotten that his classroom door was essentially glass. They had basically give his brand, new students an eyeful of sex/semi-flirting. Every single one of his students seemed to be staring at them with extreme interest.
Cas glanced back in horror at Dean but before he could step back, Dean swept around Cas, and Cas would deny it until his dying day, let out a high pitched squeak as he suddenly found himself bent backwards as Dean fucking dipped him like a girl at prom.
“Just giving them pointers.” Cas trembled at the wink Dean sent him before he was barely controlling the moan that escaped his throat as Dean dominated his mouth completely. Cas had to brace his self against Dean when he was let up. The hall was spinning. Was someone clapping? Dean grinned as he handed his disoriented lover his breakfast and pushed him back into the classroom. With a wave and a wink Cas dazedly watched the bow legged man legitimately saunter off to do whatever the hell he did during the day.
Cas turned to his students but before he was able to say anything the bell rang, dismissing them to the next one. Cas sat at his desk and started at the box for a few minutes in the quiet silence of his classroom. Distantly he could hear the sounds of laughter, footsteps, and lockers slamming in the hall but everything seemed muffled. He couldn’t wait any longer.
There was a ton of donut holes of all kinds piled in the box with a plain white rectangle place on top. Cas’s fingers shook as he opened the paper.
Thanks for filling my holes. Now let me fill yours.
P.S.- I have your socks. They are now my hostage.
P.S.S- If you so much as put green tea in my favorite mug I have to think of something really annoying to do to you.
Cas laughed out loud, he couldn’t help it even as heat swept through his body at the innuendo. It would seem he owed his big brother a favor. He was really happy Gabe pranked him when he first moved here. Without him Cas doubted he would’ve had the courage to interact with Dean. And Dean was quickly growing into someone he didn’t want to live without.
^^^^^
Today had been a good day. The sun had shone all day long. The weather was perfect, not too hot and the breeze was cool and constant. The bakery was full of customers and he would be able to hire another employee again. Life was good at the moment but as Gabe stared at his reflection in the apartment bathroom mirror he couldn’t see any of those things. All he saw were memories. Darkness, cold tiles pressed to his shoulders and face. Burning pain across his whole back. He could hear weeping somewhere in the distance, echoing in the stillness and numbly realized it was coming from him. Gabe blinked down at his arm when a sudden pain blossomed right below his elbow. He mutely watched a thin line of blood trail of blood trickle down his arm and drip into the blindingly white sink below. The contrast of deep red to start white seemed to snap Gabe out of his daze and he realized he was holding a knife to his skin.
Gabe cried out and threw the knife into the sink, running from the bathroom until he reached the bed. He wrapped the blankets around him as tight as he could, and attempted to stop the shivering. Sam. He should call Sam! Gabe struggled to pull his phone from his pants pocket. He had Sam’s name pulled up and was ready to press call when he dropped the phone in his lap.
He couldn’t call Sam. No today. Not after last night. Gabe knew it was only a matter of time until Sam found out about him, if he hadn’t already. Sam was in the middle of finals anyway. There was no way Gabe was going to fuck up his lover’s finals. He had worked too long and hard to get where he was to have a fuck up like Gabe distract him this late in the game. Gabe debated putting his phone away but stopped himself. He wouldn’t call Sam but that didn’t mean he couldn’t text him.
Gabe: Hey. Call me when u have a momnt plz. I need sum hlp.
But he didn't hit send.
Why would Sam want to help him? He's in the middle of finals. He wouldn't have the time and he probably was annoyed with Gabe from last night. Hadn't he helped him enough?
Gabe shook his head to try and break these thoughts. He knew he was sliding into depression again. He could feel the pressure building in his chest. All the worry, all the anxiety, it was starting to flood his body. It felt like there was an elephant sitting on his chest. Just like all those years ago. He knew a way to release the pressure.
"No!" Gabe yelled to the empty room.
He ripped loose of the covers, rushing back to the bathroom. He hurriedly turned the faucet on and splashed water on his face. It didnt help. He looked up into the mirror and met his own gaze. His face was pale, his eyes looked huge. The whiskey color they usually were was now dark, and dull. Glazed over with panic and fear. The pressure was getting worse. He could feel it squeezing his lungs, letting to air in. He was trapped, gasping like a fish out of water, fighting for every little breath he could.
Gabe felt pain in his arm again. Sweet, comforting pain. He glanced down in shock but deep down he already knew what he had done. Another thing line cut, red slowly sliding out. Like a trickle of water. The pressure lessened slightly. Gabe adjusted his grip on the handle and took a deep breath, putting the cold steel against his skin again and dragging the sharp blade in a small stroke. He felt more give in his chest and did it again.
And again.
And again.
Over and over until the sink was spotted with little dots of red, until streaks ran down his arm, and he could breath again.