Chapter Text
CHAPTER 13: Home
So I'm going home, Back to the place where I belong, And where your love has always been enough for me. [Words from Home by Chris Daughtry]
Seoul, 2013
Junmyeon and Jongin arrived in Seoul on a windy afternoon and Junmyeon couldn't help staring out the window in wonder as the KTX commuter entered the city limits. Seeing the familiar buildings and sights as the train sped by, Junmyeon realized all of a sudden how much he'd missed Seoul. Jongin's head and neck rested on his left shoulder as the younger boy napped and the weight of him felt good.
As the train entered the abyss of a tunnel, Junmyeon sighed and wondered what lay in store for them. He would tell his parents tonight, no matter what, but he was relieved they wouldn't be at the train station. He could delay the unpleasant task for a few more hours at least. Light filtered in as the train shot out of the tunnel and Junmyeon continued staring out at the subtly changed cityscape. Frowning, he tried to ignore the way his chest kept clenching with worry.
"Hyung?" Jongin rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stretched his arms, "What's wrong? Why do you look so worried? Is it about your parents? You're worried they'll freak out?"
"Why are you even asking me questions if you're going to answer them all yourself?"
"Don't be an asshole!" Jongin pinched his arm. And Junmyeon yelled yah! - laughing in outrage and just like that, he felt better.
* * *
"The food in Busan must suck, hyung. You lost weight." Sehun observed quietly. Then he glared at the boy beside him because he'd just elbowed Sehun in the side.
"You have to excuse Sehun, he forgets his manners sometimes." Luhan apologized to Junmyeon who just chuckled. Sehun's boyfriend had a wiry build and athletic limbs, and his face was very handsome in a cherubic kind of way. His Korean had a slight accent - a Beijing accent, Junmyeon guessed since Jongin had said he was from Beijing.
"It's all right. I've had twelve years to get used to his tactlessness. It doesn't bother me at all. It's nice to meet you, I'm Junmyeon."
"Hi! I'm Luhan," the boy smiled warmly as he shook his hand with a firm grip.
"So did you guys get me any goodies from Busan?" Minho grinned expectantly, rubbing his hands together and Junmyeon punched him in the shoulder.
"How about an ahnyong first? Oh my God, some things never change." Junmyeon complained good-naturedly and Minho launched into his usual string of noisy protests.
As Jongin rested one hand on Junmyeon's shoulder and the group made their way towards the exit, Junmyeon thought contentedly, it was good to be home.
* * *
Seoul, 2013 ... Two hours later
Junmyeon and his mother were working side by side in the kitchen - their noses being taunted by the delicious, spicy aroma of sundubu jjigae which wafted its way into every corner of the room. The last twenty minutes had been occupied with catching up, but Junmyeon decided it was time now for him to just bite the bullet and tell her about Jongin.
"Umma, did omoni tell you that Jongin is ... well, that he's not into girls?"
"Are you asking me if I know Jongin is gay?" Umma gave him a measuring look, "You know the word 'gay', why didn't you just say gay?"
"I guess you know Jongin is gay then."
"Of course, I do. Misuk told me a few days after she found out."
"And you're ok with that?"
"I can't believe you're even asking me that. I love that boy like he's my own. You would have been so lonely growing up it hadn't been for Minho and Jongin. You're such a silly boy for thinking I wouldn't be ok with Jongin being gay. Wait ... do you have a problem with Jongin being gay?"
"No, Umma, I don't. But what if ..." Junmyeon began before losing his nerve and picking up another sweetpea pod.
"Why so hesitant? If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to tell me you're gay too." Umma sounded amused as she stirred the sundubu jjigae she had simmering on the stove.
"What if I am, Umma?" Junmyeon said softly as he put a sweetpea into the bowl. His mother put the ladle down quietly and gripped the corners of the stove top, her knuckles turning white. She didn't turn around - she just stood at the stove, unmoving.
"But Min and Sunyoung? Junmyeon, you had girlfriends. Were you pretending?"
"No, Umma, I was sincere. I really did care for them but I realized two summers ago that I was in love with a boy and that what I felt for him was so much more than what I ever felt for Min and Sunyoung. That's why I broke things off with Sunyoung. I couldn't lie to her and carry on seeing her when I couldn't stop thinking about him. I just couldn't, Umma."
"Is it Jongin? It has to be Jongin. Who else could it be?"
"Yes, it's Jongin. I'm sorry, Umma. I didn't want things to be like this but I can't ... I can't be without Jongin. I stayed away for two years and it was so hard and I just ... I can't be without him anymore. Please understand, Umma."
"So that's why that boy looked like he was wasting away the first few weeks after you left. Misuk was so worried about him. She asked me are friends supposed to miss each other so much? And I laughed and told her, well they've been together almost every day for the past ten years, Jongin just misses his hyung. I never suspected, not for one moment. How could I have been so blind?" A little shakily, Junmyeon's umma sat on the chair and placed her hands, palm down on the wooden surface of the kitchen table. Junmyeon sat quietly beside her and took her small, pale hands in his.
"We were trying to hide it as best we could. We didn't want to upset everyone. But it's been two years and I don't think things are going to change between us so I wanted you to know. I'm so sorry, Umma. I know you want grandchildren and I'm ... I'm so sorry for disappointing you."
"Oh, Junmyeon." Sighing deeply, his mother looked like she'd aged ten years.
"I'm sorry, Umma."
"Why are you apologizing? It's not something you can help, son." It seemed to take a lot out of her but Umma managed to summon a weak, sad smile. "I would have liked to have grandchildren but I see how the two of you are with each other and I think maybe deep down, a small part of me knew. I just didn't want to believe it. Ahhh ... those grandchildren I'll never have." Umma sighed and then she looked up at Junmyeon and asked hopefully, "Maybe you can adopt some day?"
"Yes, Umma, maybe. I'm going to tell Appa after this."
"He's probably going to yell, you know. A lot."
"I know. But I'm telling him."
"I could speak to him for you, son. That might be less awkward."
"No, Umma. I want to be the one who tells him."
"I'll need time to deal with this ... but I will deal with it. Umma loves you, Junmyeon. Don't forget that, ok? I just need to get used to this."
"I understand, Umma. Take as much time as you need. It's a lot to process and I should have told you earlier but I was kind of waiting as well, in case Jongin changed his mind and dated someone else and then there wouldn't have been any point telling."
"What do you mean, no point, you pabo?!" Umma glared at him but she didn't look angry at all. "You know, Jongin spent a lot of time over here when you were away. Helped us fix things around the house, and sometimes he bought fruits for us or just came over for tea and a chat. I never expected it of him but I think he knew how much we missed you and so he kept coming over so we wouldn't feel so lonely."
"He never told me."
"Well, I'm glad it's him, anyway."
"Thank you, Umma, for accepting this. For accepting me." Junmyeon said quietly and his mother nodded. Her hands felt fragile in Junmyeon's as he squeezed them. He gave his mother what he hoped was a grateful smile, then they just sat there, neither one speaking as the sundubu jjigae bubbled away, forgotten on the hob.
* * *
As Junmyeon's umma had predicted, his Appa yelled. A lot. And then he yelled again. But at the end of it all, he said, "Your umma and I would like to have grandchildren, but we don't need to have a daughter-in-law. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Appa."
"When are you coming back for good?"
"My convocation will be in late February, so I'll be back in time for the cherry blossoms."
"Good. Come back soon because your umma misses you. Hamtaro is a good cat but to be honest, he's a useless conversationalist." Appa joked and Junmyeon laughed - partly because it was kind of funny but mostly because he was relieved.
"I will, Appa."
"And now that this thing is all out in the open, I expect you to come home more often. Busan is nice and all that but I've already visited it three times in the past two years and I really don't have a burning need to visit it again anytime soon."
"Yes, sir."
"Right then," Appa cleared his throat, "We'd better help set the table for dinner."
And that was that.
* * *
Jongin: How did it go, hyung?
Junmyeon: Better than I expected. They're ok. Appa got really loud at one point though. My ears still hurt.
Jongin: Are you sure he's ok? (O.O)
Junmyeon: He says he is and I didn't want to drag out the yelling so I left it. How about Omoni?
Jongin: She was calm and said better you than some obnoxious stranger. Then she started freaking out. What is Mija going to say? What if she blames you for this, Jongin? What if she hates me?! Mothers get so emotional I don't even know? (*￣ .￣)
Junmyeon: Tell her not to worry. My parents are ok.
Jongin: You tell her. I'm scared to go near her - she's still in flip out mode.
Junmyeon: You're so unhelpful, Jongin! (>_<)
Jongin: But you still love me anyway. (^_~)
Junmyeon: ㅗ-_-
Jongin: Rude. Ok fine, I'll tell Omoni. I'm totally rolling my eyes now but I don't have an emoticon for that.
Junmyeon: JONGINNIE!!!
Jongin: Ok, ok. I'll tell her.
Junmyeon: Umma told me you visited them a lot when I was away.
Jongin: Oh that. Yeah, I did. I thought maybe they'd like some company. Plus, it made me feel closer to you when I was at your place. Man, that sounds stupid and mildly creepy.
Junmyeon: No it doesn't. Thanks Jonginnie. For being there.
Jongin: (*^^*)
* * *
The four friends were seated around a scuffed wooden table in a pojangmacha tent about ten minutes' walk from home. Two green soju bottles stood empty in the centre of table, together with skewers of grilled chicken meat laid out on a plastic lined dish.
It was Junmyeon and Jongin's first night back from Busan and Minho had insisted that everyone had to get shitfaced. Sehun had snorted at that because Minho was the only one who ever really got drunk while everyone else stayed relatively sober. At the moment Minho's face and neck were flushed an angry red and his voice had reached stentorian levels.
"Yah! I don't need to see that!" Minho complained loudly, kicking Jongin's foot as he took another swig of soju and let the small glass land on the table with a sharp thunk.
"What?!" Jongin protested and Junmyeon laughed because he knew why Minho was bristling. He had seen Minho's eyes widen when Jongin's hand had patted Junmyeon's thigh briefly.
"I don't need to see my brother feeling up my best friend! Dammit Jonginnie!" Minho hissed and Jongin gave him the finger but Junmyeon noticed that the younger boy didn't tell his brother off for calling him Jonginnie when he usually only let Junmyeon and his Umma call him that; it warmed Junmyeon's heart that Minho had been included in that exclusive circle.
"I always have to watch you feel up Jinri!"
"Jinri isn't your best friend so it's not the same is it? Stop it, you brat before you cause me some permanent trauma."
Jongin's only answer was to deliberately touch Junmyeon's other thigh and this time it was Sehun who laughed really loudly when Minho squawked again.
* * *
Minho had forced Junmyeon to drink more than he usually did and the two younger boys had watched with a mixture of pity and mild disapproval as Minho and Junmyeon downed glass after glass of the clear, bitter liquid amid happy, slurred shouts of “Gun bae!". By the time they got back to the apartment block, Minho and Junmyeon were more than a little intoxicated.
Sehun waved lazily to them before strolling across the road to his apartment block - leaving the other three standing in front of their apartment block. The street was well lit, with pools of subdued golden light lying spread out before them.
"Hyung, you go home first. We're going to take a walk. I think he needs to get some of the alcohol out of his system before he goes home."
"Sure. But don't be too noisy if you guys decide to make out in your room though, because TRAUMA." Minho's speech was slurred but his lack of sobriety clearly hadn't affected his ability to be sarcastic.
"You can't be serious?" Jongin waved his fist at him.
"Whatever. Have fun. Going to bed - think I had a biiiiit too much soju." Minho graced them with a boozy grin before weaving his way to the building entrance.
"I missed you, hyung." Jongin said as soon as Minho disappeared through the glass doors.
"But you were with me the last three hours, Jonginnie." Junmyeon smiled indulgently and just a little drunkenly at him as Jongin draped his arm around Junmyeon's shoulders. His fair complexion was tinged pink by the alcohol and Jongin thought he'd never looked more handsome, even if he was a little tipsy at the moment.
"You know what I mean. And I'm so used to sleeping beside you I don't know if I know how to do it alone anymore." Jongin sighed as he urged Junmyeon along the quiet, lamplit street, "Coming home kinda sucks, hyung. Let's go back to Busan." Jongin sounded frustrated as his fingers trailed across Junmyeon's lightly.
His arm snaking around Jongin's waist, Junmyeon said, "I miss you too. Maybe you can come over and join me after my parents leave for work?"
"What time do they leave again?" Jongin asked hastily and Junmyeon chuckled, saying they usually left at 7.30 am, which was about ten minutes after Jongin's umma vacated their apartment.
"So we can still kind of go to sleep together and wake up together!"
"You're so silly, Jonginnie." Junmyeon nestled his cheek against Jongin's chest and the younger boy knew Junmyeon was definitely not sober because he would never have snuggled up to him in public otherwise.
"Let's walk, hyung. Clear your head a little. Why'd you drink so much? I swear Sehun and I never saw such a pair of morons."
"It didn't seem like a lot when we were sculling the soju."
"That's because drinking makes you stupid!"
"But Minho wanted me to -"
"And hyung is the biggest moron of them all!" Jongin rolled his eyes. Sehun and him had drunk a few glasses but just enough to get a buzz and then they'd mostly watched scornfully as their two hyungs got more and more inebriated.
"Jongin, don't scold." Junmyeon begged, his gait a little unsteady and Jongin sighed and let up on the nagging. They strolled in silence for about eight minutes before Junmyeon abruptly stopped walking and swayed where he stood.
"Can we just sit down for a while? Or maybe lie down? So sleepy."
"Hyung, there's nowhere to sit and we can't sit down on the sidewalk."
"Too tired to walk, Jonginnie." Junmyeon groaned and Jongin knew there was only one thing left to do. Jongin bent his knees and lowered his back, "Climb on, hyung."
"But I'm too heavy." Junmyeon protested.
"Just climb on, hyung. I don't really want to carry you home in my arms if you pass out while we waste precious time arguing about how you're not too heavy."
Chastened, Junmyeon climbed obediently onto Jongin's back, looping his arms over Jongin's shoulders and collarbones, and wrapping his legs around Jongin's waist instinctively. Once Jongin had secured his arms around the backs of Junmyeon's thighs, the older boy let his legs hang down more comfortably. He was heavier than Jongin expected but Jongin could still carry him without too much effort. And the feel of Junmyeon's body pressing into his back comforted Jongin after a whole day of not being able to really touch him.
"Are you ok, hyung?"
"Yes. I ..." Junmyeon's words trailed off and Jongin felt little shocks of pleasure travel down his nape as Junmyeon rested his mouth on Jongin's skin.
"Hyung?"
"Thank you, Jonginnie. I'm sorry I'm so much trouble." Now his cheek lay against Jongin's nape and Jongin felt him exhale in relief as he clung contentedly to his back.
"Remember all those times you piggybacked me when we were kids?" Jongin asked, suddenly overwhelmed with feelings of nostalgia as he felt the weight of Junmyeon on his back.
"How could I forget? You were such a menace I had to do it so many times," Junmyeon's laugh vibrated against his spine.
"Well I'm glad I can finally return the favor. I never really thanked you for looking out for me when I was a kid. Fixing my wounds, giving me piggyback rides, giving me banana milk when I was sad ... I just ... You were the best hyung." Jongin told himself it had to be the alcohol he'd had earlier that was making him bring up the past and get all sentimental.
"But you were always special to me, Jonginnie. Right from that first time I found you crying outside my apartment. I think I always wanted to look after you. I know I always worried about you. No one else ever made me feel that way. I think I gave away more than a carton of banana milk that first time we met." Junmyeon kissed Jongin's cheek - not caring at all that they were on an open street.
"What else did you give away that day, hyung?" Jongin asked, smiling.
"Jongin, don't make me say embarrassing things just because I'm drunk." Junmyeon buried his face in Jongin's shoulder.
"Hyung, please?" Jongin turned his head so their faces were almost touching and Junmyeon sighed, resting his cheek against Jongin's. His face felt a little numb and his blood was buzzing from the alcohol. But most of all, Junmyeon's head was filled with images of a little boy crying pitifully in the corridor.
"It was my heart. I think I gave away my heart at the same time I gave away my last bottle of banana milk. It just took me a while to realize it."
"A while? It took you ten years, hyung."
"I know, Jonginnie. I'm sorry it took me so long."
"I'm just glad you didn't reject me after that night with fireflies."
"How could I? I was already half in love with you, I just didn't know it. I'll always be grateful to that firefly for landing on my face or I might have been clueless for another year, maybe two?"
"Or you might never have realized at all and I would have spent a lifetime loving my best friend like some tragic character from a drama."
"Don't be silly, Jongin. I gave away my heart all those years ago so I had to get it back. I love you so much, I hope you know how much." Junmyeon groaned as the words came out of his mouth and cursed the soju for making him so sappy. Luckily Jongin didn't seem to think he was being too cheesy because he didn't burst out laughing.
"I do, hyung. I hope you know how much I love you too." Jongin's hands rose up and his fingers curled around Junmyeon's arms.
"I know." Junmyeon hoisted himself higher up and leaned forward to kiss Jongin's cheek, before tightening his arms around Jongin. They were quiet for the next few minutes as Jongin walked slowly along the deserted street with Junmyeon clinging to his back.
He tried to concentrate on taking even steps so that the ride was smoother for Junmyeon and more importantly, so that the front of Junmyeon's body wouldn't rub quite so persistently against his back. He was concentrating hard so he was caught unaware when Junmyeon's lips suddenly came into contact with his cheek. From his cheek, it was just a matter of a few inches before Junmyeon's tongue was traveling behind Jongin's ear. Jongin had been struggling to keep things under control since Junmyeon had wrapped his legs around his waist earlier but he could feel the fragile threads slipping away.
Having the entire length of Junmyeon pressed against him and his breath tantalizing his neck and his ears - all these sensations had been hammering his fragile self control for the last ten minutes. So when Junmyeon's teeth bit down gently on Jongin's ear, the younger boy felt the coiled pleasure travel right to his cock, around the same time he felt Junmyeon's hardness poke against his lower back.
"Hurry, Jongin, hurry." Junmyeon ground his erection against the tense muscles of Jongin's back and he laughed, "What are you trying to do to me, hyung? We were reminiscing about the past. That was safe and not likely to get us arrested for public indecency."
"I think it's because I'm drunk. My brain isn't working too well right now and every step you take jolts me against your back and I can't take it anymore." Jongin chuckled loudly at this and Junmyeon scolded him for mocking his pain. But Jongin wasn't laughing for long because Junmyeon took his revenge by wrapping his legs tightly around Jongin's waist just before he nudged his crotch with his bare heel.
"The best thing about summer is flip flops." Junmyeon announced with satisfaction as he pressed down again with his other heel. Feeling the friction keenly through his thin cotton shorts and boxers, Jongin moaned, "Stop it, hyung. There might be people on the street. Or worse still, in the entrance area."
"Don't care." Junmyeon nuzzled his neck with his nose and his hot mouth and tongue.
"But you worry about everything."
"It must be the soju. The only thing I care about now is getting in your pants." Junmyeon muttered and Jongin had to laugh at that. He was delighted with this naughty side he'd never seen and made a mental note to get his hyung drunk more often.
Jongin let Junmyeon down just before they had to enter the building and once they were inside, Junmyeon surprised Jongin by dragging him into the building stairwell and pushing him against the wall.
"I missed you, Jonginnie." Junmyeon whispered just before he covered Jongin's mouth with his, his kiss laced with desperation and longing and a taste of soju.
"I missed you too, hyung. So much." Jongin pulled him close and their hipbones bumped a little painfully before the intolerable tightness in their groins as they pressed against each other drove every other sensation out.
"But we need to get to my room, hyung. We can't ... not here. Cameras." Fortunately Junmyeon nodded and let himself be led to Jongin's apartment. On Jongin's pale blue bedsheets, they made love as quietly as they could - Jongin capturing Junmyeon's lips whenever the other boy started moaning too loudly.
After they had climaxed in each other's arms, Junmyeon had fallen asleep almost immediately while Jongin did a quick wipe up. Then he wrapped his bare arms around the slumbering Junmyeon, gazing at the blissful expression on his face. No frown today, he thought as he kissed Junmyeon's forehead. How far they'd come from that first night they'd spent together at the jjimjilbang two years ago. Jongin let him sleep for another fifteen minutes before carefully dressing him in the clothes he had practically ripped off him earlier.
"Hyung," he tried to wake him but Junmyeon was impervious to all attempts to rouse him and Jongin sighed - eventually hoisting him over his shoulder and carrying him to the apartment across the hallway. When he'd tucked him into his bed, he whispered to the sleeping Junmyeon, "Saranghae, hyung. See you in the morning." Then he'd turned and left, his heart heavy and bursting with untold affection for his hyung.
At 7.45 the following morning, a bleary-eyed, wild-haired Jongin hastily pulled last night's shorts over his boxers and donned a t-shirt he'd grabbed from the drawer before leaving his quiet apartment and entering Junmyeon's equally quiet one. Then he was inside a very familiar bedroom and shucking all his clothes off before crawling into Junmyeon's bed. It was warm under the covers and he smiled as he pulled his hyung close and wrapped his arms around his waist and went back to sleep.
Just before he drifted off, Jongin thought to himself, their time in Busan had been perfect, but this was good too …
CHAPTER 14: Fireflies
Warning: Extremely hazardous levels of fluff and cheese ahead. Please turn back if you have respiratory allergies or lactose intolerance. Thank you.
Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away. [Quote from the poem 'B' by Sarah Kay]
Seoul, 2013
The rest of the halcyon summer drifted by and the four friends spent hours hanging out together before Junmyeon had to leave for Busan again. But most of all Junmyeon and Jongin cherished their time together. They were careful to not be demonstrative in public apart from the drunken piggyback ride the first night Junmyeon was back in Seoul, and they were especially cautious around their parents who still found the changed nature of their relationship extremely unsettling.
Junmyeon's appa spent a lot of time clearing his throat when Jongin was around the apartment. He'd been a permanent fixture in the Kim family home for more than ten years but everything had changed and clearing his throat and speaking formally with Jongin was apparently the man's own way of dealing with the discomfort.
Junmyeon replayed the conversation he'd had with Appa on the first night. Sternly and loudly - oh God, he had been so loud - Appa had interrogated him on whether he was sure he was gay or whether it was just some kind of phase - something he was experimenting with. Then he'd scolded him for leading those poor girls on. Then he'd bellowed about what those girls would think when they saw him walking around with his new boyfriend, so he'd better be really sure before he started dating openly. Then he'd asked point blank who it was and hadn't seemed at all surprised by Junmyeon's answer. Then he'd very loudly asked if Jongin was the reason his Umma and him had had to leave the comfort of their own home not once but three times, to travel to Busan, which was frankly not his favorite travel destination.
All in all it had been an ear splitting session with his father but it had hurt a lot less than the much calmer conversation he'd had with Umma. The crushing weight of her quiet disappointment had strained his conscience far more than Appa's loud bluster had.
Junmyeon's umma had been really sad for about a week and then she had gone back to treating Jongin as she always had - making him feel like one of their own. The two boys were very relieved that Jongin's umma had had far less trouble adjusting to their situation. But then again, she'd had one and a half years to deal with Jongin being gay. And she already loved Junmyeon so it hadn't taxed her much at all to accept him as her son's boyfriend.
A week before the fall semester was due to start, Junmyeon made preparations to return to Busan and Jongin complained bitterly about the time they would have to spend apart again. But Junmyeon just laughed - saying Jongin probably wouldn't even remember his name once semester started at Hongik University and Jongin met all those handsome young men on campus and around the Hongdae Area.
"That's not funny, hyung."
"I'm just stating a fact. There will be plenty of guys younger and more good looking and not as thin and pale and small as me." Junmyeon smiled a little wistfully.
They were lying beside each other in Junmyeon's bed. It was a weekday afternoon and they'd opted to stay in instead of catching a movie with Minho and Sehun and their respective other halves. Jongin gave a long suffering sigh before he turned over to lie on top of Junmyeon - trapping him with his arms and staring right into his face.
"You know I've had almost five years to change my mind, right? There were just as many hot guys in high school, you stupid hyung. I know what I want and I'm not going to change my mind. I can't believe I'm about to say something this sappy but you're all I need and all I'll ever want." Jongin's forehead touched Junmyeon's, then he sealed his declaration with a deep and almost punishing kiss.
"You owe me big time for making me say something that disgustingly cheesy, hyung." Jongin glared at him and Junmyeon had the decency to look sheepish.
"I'm sorry, Jonginnie. It's not that I don't trust you, I just ... You're just ..." And Junmyeon grabbed a pillow and smothered his face in it as words failed him.
"What are you trying to say, hyung?" Jongin pulled the pillow away to reveal a red faced Junmyeon.
"You're very attractive, Jongin. I'm sure a lot of guys and girls will hit on you when semester starts. Why wouldn't they?"
"Wait, did you just say I'm ...VERY attractive?" Jongin was getting far too much enjoyment out of his discomfort and Junmyeon punched him in the arm. Hard.
"You know I find you good looking Jongin, don't be an asshole about it."
"But you've never admitted anything of the sort."
"Of course, I have!" Junmyeon protested indignantly.
"No. you. haven't. And I've told you lots of times you're beautiful. I should be the one with hangups, not you."
"I thought I'd told you lots of times - I know I always think it. And here you are stuck with pale, skinny me."
"To me, you're just beautiful, hyung." Jongin said just before he kissed his neck and licked his way to his nipples and sucked gently on them. Then he was marking the pale skin around the aureole while Junmyeon gasped with pleasure. By the time Jongin's tongue dipped into Junmyeon's navel, the tip of the older boy's cock had escaped the waistband of his navy blue boxers. Jongin tongued Junmyeon's penis briefly before continuing his efforts to convince Junmyeon that he loved every part of the body he was always so self conscious about. He dropped kisses on the inside of Junmyeon's thighs, his hips, and even his ankle.
"Did I ever tell you I have this thing about your ankles, hyung? That time we were at the jjimjilbang and you had that key bangle around your ankle? It was kinda sexy. So I've kind of had a thing about your ankles since the jjimjilbang."
"What?!"
"Your ankles and wrists. They turn me on, hyung. I can't explain it. That's why I'm always holding on to them whenever I can. I want to buy you some bracelets when I can afford it." Jongin said as he kissed first Junmyeon's wrists and then his slender right ankle.
"They're just really skinny ankles and wrists, Jongin. There's nothing sexy about them."
"That's not true. Anyway, it doesn't matter what you say, I know what I like." Jongin rolled his eyes. "And I don't want to hear any more dumbass remarks about me liking anyone else. It's not ever going to happen. So just stop."
Before Junmyeon could say anything else, Jongin pulled his boxers down and Junmyeon lost himself in the ministrations of his wet, velvety tongue and mouth. His back arching off the mattress, Junmyeon moaned Jongin's name as their fingers interlocked and Jongin's palm pressed into his. At some point Jongin's right hand gripped his cock and began the up and downward movements that made Junmyeon gasp, "Jongin, Jongin, I can't-" But he never finished what he was going to say as Jongin's tongue filled his mouth and his senses ...
Minutes later, when Junmyeon had spilt his come all over Jongin's hand and his own stomach, he had cupped Jongin's cheek, kissed him and said the same words Jongin had whispered in his ear all those weeks ago in Busan, "I want you inside me."
As Jongin slowly eased himself in later, tears pricked Junmyeon's eyes at the sweet sting of penetration. But the tears threatened to fall mostly because Jongin had told him, as he entered him again and again, "I won't leave you, hyung, no matter how many times you try to send me away. It will always be you." When Jongin had come inside him, with Junmyeon's legs wrapped around his hips and backside, the older boy had kissed him feverishly while Jongin continued to caress and worship his body. Junmyeon held his tears at bay as the imprint of Jongin's fingerprints sank into his skin. Indelibly.
After that intense afternoon, Junmyeon never brought up the possibility of Jongin meeting other people again.
* * *
Junmyeon's leaving this time was bittersweet rather than devastating as Jongin knew he would finish his studies soon and return to Seoul permanently. They'd also agreed to visit each other now and then - something Junmyeon had refused to even consider the first time he left.
The night before Junmyeon left, he'd told his parents he would sleep over at Jongin's and they'd nodded awkwardly, avoiding eye contact of any kind. Appa had coughed several times while Junmyeon tried not to shake his head in amusement. It had been so many weeks and his father was still behaving oddly - but at least he hadn't stopped them from being together. Junmyeon knew just how much worse things could have turned out with their parents.
It was a little chilly in Jongin's bedroom so they'd covered themselves with a thin quilt. The lights were off and they lay together in the semi-darkness - knees bent and faces almost touching. Jongin breathed in the masculine scent of Junmyeon's skin, trying to memorize it for the months ahead. Then his finger traced Junmyeon's upper lip, searching by instinct for the tiny mole he knew lay above his lip.
"You won't be here tomorrow." Jongin said softly and Junmyeon said nothing, merely burying his face in Jongin's neck and holding him close.
"I got something for you. It's nothing special but ... it's all I can afford for now. Actually it's two things."
"It's not a matching super loud, super colorful Stussy tie dye pajama set, is it?" Junmyeon teased.
"Hyungggg. You love that shirt, stop pretending." Jongin hit his arm, glaring.
"I do. I love that shirt, I wear it all the time." Junmyeon smiled as his fingers played with Jongin's dark hair. "What did you get me, Jonginnie?" Junmyeon asked as Jongin switched on his table lamp and pulled open the bedside table drawer.
"Give me your hand, hyung," Jongin took his hand and then carefully, he fastened a simple leather bracelet on Junmyeon's right wrist. Made of a few entwined strands of dark brown leather held together by a simple steel clasp, it looked good on Junmyeon's slender wrist.
"It doesn't look girly."
"Of course it doesn't. Why would I get you something that looks girly?" Jongin smacked his arm. Then he moved to the foot of the bed and fastened an identical, larger bracelet on his ankle.
"Guys don't wear bracelets on their ankle, Jongin." Junmyeon's eyebrows shot up uncertainly.
"I really like your ankles."
"They're just skinny ankles."
"No, they're not. Are you going to wear it or not?"
"I'd rather not. But since you got it for me ..." Junmyeon closed his eyes, groaning. And Jongin laughed at his discomfort.
"Ok fine, don't wear it. But will you at least put it on for me sometimes?"
"Yes." Junmyeon's voice was muffled by Jongin's t-shirt as he burrowed into his chest in embarrassment.
"Ok that's good enough for me. But I saved up the money from working part time so you have to at least wear it now and then, hyung."
"That's emotional blackmail."
"Call it what you want." Jongin chuckled.
"I got something for you too."
"Did you get me six months' supply of banana milk?" Jongin asked, mischief in his eyes as he peeled Junmyeon's face from his chest.
"It would serve you right if I did," Junmyeon flicked his forehead.
"Ouch! What the hell, hyung?!"
"You're making me wear an ankle bracelet, you don't get to complain." Junmyeon glared.
"Ok, fine. I won't say anything more. What did you get me?" Jongin gave a loud dramatic sigh and propped his head up as he lay on his side, watching Junmyeon. Reaching for his jeans, which were pooled on the floor next to the bed, Junmyeon removed a pale green drawstring silk pouch from his front pocket. And then Junmyeon was fastening an elegant, matte silver chain link ID bracelet on Jongin's tanned wrist. The flat silver band rested, cool and metallic on Jongin's skin.
"Read the inscription." Junmyeon urged and Jongin flipped the smooth band over. Engraved elegantly on the metal were the Hangul characters aesekki: 애새끼.
"HYUNGGGG! I can’t believe you had brat inscribed, you asshole!" Jongin growled and flung a pillow at him before hugging him tightly as both of them collapsed in laughter.
* * *
Seoul, 2013 ... One day later
Staring at the ceiling of his room, Jongin told himself that Junmyeon would return for a visit soon and there was absolutely no reason for him to feel sad. But his heart had never listened to his head much and continued to pulsate with a hollow kind of ache. At least they hadn't cried today when they'd said goodbye to each other at the train station. And he'd managed to go the entire day without shedding a tear. But now that he was lying on his bed and he could smell the subtle scent of Junmyeon clinging to his pillow and his sheets, it was getting harder and harder to not unravel.
Jongin wondered what Junmyeon was doing in Busan and decided he'd text him in ten minutes' time if he hadn't heard from him by then. Two minutes passed before he heard a comical chirp, his phone screen lighting up. It was a Kakao talk notification. Junmyeon had sent him a picture and he clicked on the attachment impatiently. Jongin laughed out loud. It was a selca of Junmyeon's slim ankle, adorned with the leather bracelet Jongin had given him. Then a text came in: Happy now? -_-
"Assah!" Jongin pumped his fist in the air triumphantly and his handsome features broke into a grin as he began keying in a teasing response - his earlier melancholy dissipating with every word he typed.
EPILOGUE
Seoul, 2017
It was summer. The fireflies were out and Junmyeon and Jongin had decided to make their annual pilgrimage to the campsite near the field with the fireflies. Minho was getting married to Jinri in five weeks and he'd asked both Junmyeon and Jongin to be his groomsmen. Anticipating that the pre-wedding madness would soon reach hysteria levels, they'd decided to take a quick and quiet break from work and life at the campsite. After packing their camping gear and a pair of honey citron jars, Jongin and Junmyeon had left their cosy apartment in Seoul. They had arranged to leave their cats Soju and Makgeolli with a grumbling, much aggrieved Sehun, and a very blithe Luhan. The latter loved cats and had ignored all his partner's protests about what a bother it would be, happily agreeing to adopt the cats for the two days they'd be away.
"I think I'll be able to convince him to take on a cat after this - I mean bettas are nice but they can't cuddle up in your lap like a cat can." Luhan had whispered to Jongin as the latter was putting his Chucks back on at the front door.
"Why even bother to convince Sehun? You should just come home with a cat one day." Jongin had chuckled as he retied his shoelaces.
"Well, I've already forced so much stuff on him he doesn't actually like or want so I thought I'd let him have a say over this one thing." Luhan had said sagely and Jongin had burst into unrestrained laughter - the sound bringing Sehun out of wherever it was he'd been lurking.
"Are you spreading lies about me again?" Sehun had complained coolly.
"I never say anything untrue, Sehun, and Jongin already knows what an asshat you are anyway. He doesn't need any help from me."
"You did not just call me an asshat?" Sehun raised a nonchalant eyebrow.
"I did." Luhan grinned and Sehun shook his head in disbelief at his gall.
"Jongin, please, no more little trips where you have to dump your hairy animals on my doorstep, please."
"Nobody takes their cats camping, Sehun."
"So stop going camping, obviously?"
"Don't whine, Sehun. You know we usually leave the cats with hyung's parents but they're out of town too this weekend. Plus, I think Soju and Mack are a little scared of Hamtaro."
"Why do you guys still go camping anyway? It's like ok when you're a teenager and you can't afford to travel further but you guys keep going back to the same place."
"It's just ... something we do, Sehunnie. Anyway, I gotta go, hyung's waiting in the car. Thanks again! We'll take you guys out for dinner next week. Ahnyong!"
* * *
Two fireflies flew into one of the clear glass jars and Junmyeon was about to put the lid on when Jongin stopped him by binding his arms around Junmyeon's shoulders. "Wait, hyung."
Two fireflies floated aimlessly near and soon they were hovering over the edge of the jar, and then they were bobbing up and down in the jar.
"Do you remember that time we came here with Sehun and Minho? Before you left for Busan? You fed me some BS about how I was a firefly and you wanted me to be free and you didn't want to be the glass jar that held me in?"
Junmyeon nodded in response as he laced his fingers with Jongin's.
"You had it all wrong, hyung. You always had it wrong. You were never the glass jar. I kept trying to tell you but you were such a stubborn ass."
"What am I then?"
"You're a firefly too, hyung. You've been a firefly all along and fireflies belong with each other. Just like those two bugs in the jar right now. Do you see?"
"Yes, Jongin, I see that now." Junmyeon leaned into the taller man's embrace before asking, "Did you know that fireflies are called hotaru in Japanese?"
"No I didn't know that. But why are you telling me the Japanese word for fireflies?" Jongin pushed Junmyeon's fringe out of his eyes and let his hand trail down his cheek and neck before letting it come to a rest, nestled against his left collarbone.
"Well, in Japanese culture, fireflies are a symbol of passionate love." Junmyeon said as he linked his hands together behind Jongin's waist and pulled him close - so close their hipbones were touching and they could breathe in the scent of each other's skin, and the tips of their eyelashes touched.
"That's not very scientific, hyung," Jongin laughed.
"Not everything is about science, Jonginnie." Junmyeon echoed his words from that summer six years ago, on that night with the fireflies when Jongin had taken that first step, and led Junmyeon down the path which had taken them to where they were now.
"Hah! And you mocked me all those years ago because I said fireflies got their glow from being sprinkled with fairy dust." Jongin snorted.
"Well, I learnt the error of my ways. You were right, Jonginnie, not everything is about science." Junmyeon rested his chin on Jongin's broad shoulder. "I was thinking ..."
"Hmm ...?" Jongin said breathily as he kissed Junmyeon's forehead.
"Let's get married." Junmyeon said almost casually and startled, Jongin untangled himself from their embrace so he could see the other man's face, "What?! How can we? Our parents would freak out and you can't even do that in South Korea anyway. That's just ... We can't do that."
"All I need is a yes or no, Jonginnie. Just imagine it's a perfect world - don't worry about the whys. Would you say yes?" Junmyeon looked at Jongin expectantly, and was taken aback when the younger man punched him in the shoulder.
"What kind of stupid question is that?! Of course, yes. It's not like we know how to be with anyone else, anyway."
"You're not being very romantic." Junmyeon chuckled.
"You asked me a very stupid question, hyung, what did you expect?"
Junmyeon just gave him a mysterious look and reached into his jeans pocket, before fishing out a small, black box and Jongin felt his heartbeat speed up as Junmyeon carefully opened up the square velvet lid. Inside, sitting on a bed of pale gray velvet, were identical platinum bands. Jongin couldn't speak as Junmyeon slowly removed one of the rings and asked him to read the inscription. It was a kanji character which Jongin didn't recognize: 螢.
"What is it, hyung?"
"I had it inscribed on both the rings. It's hotaru, the Japanese word for firefly."
"Hyung, I ..." Jongin was at a loss for words as images flashed through his mind of idyllic summer evenings when he and Junmyeon had gone firefly hunting near their apartment building. Then he saw himself in this field, carefully picking the firefly off Junmyeon's face while Junmyeon watched him with anxious eyes. Next, he saw the two of them lying together in this same field as Jongin had told Junmyeon he loved him for the first time. And then he was back in the present where they stood together, with the fireflies bobbing luminously above them - just as they had those other two times.
"Let's just do it now. We don't need to be in a church or a registry office. We just need to be married in our hearts and the fireflies can be our witness. This was where we began, Jongin, so I think it's the perfect place for us to do this." Then, taking Jongin's hands in his, Junmyeon said solemnly, "Will you marry me, Kim Jongin?"
"I can't believe you just planned all this without telling me! You made me cry, you stupid hyung." Jongin's eyes were brimming with tears now and he rubbed them away with the back of his hand as he glared at Junmyeon. "You can't do that! You can't just do things like this without warning people!"
"Do you need more time? I can ask you again next year if you need more time?"
"That's not funny." Jongin shoved his shoulder, a frustrated expression on his face.
"Is that a yes?"
"Yes! Yes it's a yes! You stupid, stupid hyung." Jongin's tears were flowing unchecked now as he grabbed Junmyeon and kissed him with all the emotion threatening to burst out of his chest.
"I was expecting a more romantic answer, Jonginnie, one which didn't include the words 'stupid hyung' in it but I'll take it." Junmyeon's eyes were now wet with tears too, as he stroked Jongin's cheek affectionately.
Attracted by the sounds Jongin and Junmyeon were making, the fireflies had flown nearer and now hovered above them - creating a spellbinding, glowing cloud of lights. Silently, Junmyeon slid the platinum ring over Jongin's left ring finger and placed a lingering kiss on his lips. Then Jongin reached for the other ring and watched, his heart in his eyes, as the simple platinum band slid over Junmyeon's right ring finger.
"Always, Jonginnie."
"Always, hyung."
Junmyeon's fingers curled around Jongin's nape and pulled his head down, their lips coming together in unspoken yearning and longing. The fireflies paid no mind to the two figures in their midst and continued to dance and float, leaving glimmering trails around them as they ignited the warm summer night with their glow.
`fin