Chapter Text
When Isak woke up his first – and very weird – thought on his mind was that he had forgotten to do laundry. He was sure he had the intention to do it, since there was no big uni stuff to complete, he was so convinced, but something had distracted him from doing it.
He blinked slowly, trying to shut the bright light out that came from the window. He had forgotten to close his curtains, too, dammit.
He let ot a groan and snuggled deeper into his sheets, trying to chase his sleep back. Somewhere in Oslo a rooster crowed. What the hell.
Isak's brain didn't work yet so he felt still warm and sleepy and actually very very comfortable. He closed his eyes, decided that he would try to sleep some more and moved a little, using the body behind him as a steady and safe ground...
Wait.
Wait.
Isak's eyes opened in slow-motion.
Then he shifted as little as possible.
Even groaned and tightened his grip around his waist, his nose burried in Isak's hair. He was curled around him like a human sleeping back.
Warm and soft and so. Fucking. Nice.
Isak was still a bit sleepy and for a brief, delicous moment he imagined he would get amnesia so he would forget magically all the strange things from yesterday and could simply snuggle back into Even for the rest of the day. The memeories had not gotten to him yet.
But in the cruel world he was forced to live in, dreamy bubbles had the tendency to burst and Isak was no exception. His brain gave the order to wake him up because his brain never did what Isak wanted and in the next second the signal from Isak's awareness of the other boy being in his bed was sent to his nerve centre, where the information got processed and the appropriately response was sent back.
In Isak's case it was simple enough because his brain decided for the freaking-out modus.
His eyes widened. His mouth was hanging open he was suddenly very much awake.
Oh god.
Oh my god.
What the fucking fuck.
The memories from last night suddenly found their way back in his useless brain but he didn't know which ones were just imagined and which were real. He felt like screaming.
Like a teenager with his first crush in bed.
So redicilous!
In fact so redicilous that Isak needed to get up to escape Even's spooning.
That was what his brain was telling, no, screaming at him, to get away from a very awkward situation when the other boy would wake up.
Easier said than done, though,, because his body simply refused to move. Like, at all. It just felt so cozy. Isak had had for so long no one to cuddle. And now a freaking adorable person was in his bed.
In his bed. If he would be standing he had gotten wobbling knees, but for now he had to be satisfied with a heartbeat in his throat and, apart from that, a stiff body.
So he needed all of his human, rationally strength and more to disangle himself as carefully as possible from the hands around his waist. He noticed the long fingers.
In the back of his mind he thought that he had nice hands. Hands he would like to touch more often.
A not so small region in his brain yelled at him but this time it told him to get the hell back into that arms and Isak shook his head like a wet dog to get away from his thoughts. He then carefully shifted to the edge of his mattress and stood up with a deep exhale.
Without looking back he practically ran to the door and out of his room.
When he stood in the little bathroom he locked it, turned around and put his hand oveer his mouth to suppress the silent scream. He stood there for good ten seconds.
He then ran his hand through his hair, let out a deep sigh and sat on the toilet seat to bury his head in his arms. His heart in his throat, his thoughts crushing over him like a tidal wave.
What the hell was he thinking? Why did he call Even in the first place? Now he had a boy in his bedroom and no excuse to shove him out the door.
He groaned and tugged on a strain. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He didn't even know Even! They met twice, for fuck's sake, and wrote a bit. But there was absolutely no acceptable explanation why he called him, and not Jonas, or Magnus, or just someone else.
He wanted to laugh. It was just so pathetic. And ironic.
He had a mental breakdown because of his mother and the first thing he did was to throw himself at the first one guy he liked in years. He didn't call his dad to speak about the facts, no, he had to cry like a baby and show Eskild and Linn and Even and his dad how mature and grown up he really was.
Now he didn't want to laugh anymore. Now he felt like hitting his head at the tiles until he could think again.
He kneaded his fingers nervously. What should he do. What the hell should he do.
He couldn't just go away and leave Even here. He would ran into Eskild and god knew why Even stayed with Isak in the first place, when he would meet his roommate he would for sure leave as fast as he could. Not because Eskild wasn't nice or something, he was just... too much sometimes. And he loved making intimations.
He could pretend that he had school. Hah, that was it! For one minute he was hell of enthusiastic about it, until he remembered that he had told Even that he was free until Monday last night on the phone.
Fuck.
He gritted his teeth and made a face at his reflection.
What he didn't want to admit while he was sitting there thinking about how to kick Even out politely was, that he felt in fact better. He was still exhausted from all the crying and sobbing into Even's shirt and his eyes looked like he had smoked weed the whole night and he was pale as fuck but at least his body didn't feel numb and was a little awake. And his heart still ached and clenched in his chest when he thought about his mother and that he had to face her and his dad, but he didn't feel like it would burst any second. If he thought last night the biggest hurricane on earth would swallow him, he today only felt like he would facing a storm with lightning and thunder and stuff but knew that he was going to survive it.
Isak stood up. Okay, Isak, he thought, you can't change that you called him and that he showed up. (and that you cried like forever and he didn't leave and was there the whole time to hold you and even sleep by your side when you asked.) Just be normal, thank him for his efforts and then ask him to leave. Polite. Not that hard, huh?
.
When Isak sneaked back into his room on his tiptoes he peeked over to his bed – and nearly stumbled over his feet. He forgot all of his speeches and excuses to get this boy out.
And for a short time the bubble was back and allowed Isak to take a moment, forget that Even was a friend and Isak would get into hell's kitchen if he would go that way any longer as he already unintentionally did. He could blame the early hour later. He could do anything later.
Even had turned to the other side in Isak's absence and was now laying on his right side, his face towards Isak.
If Isak would be a poet and would write cheesy poems and texts he had still no words for this. He would just appreciate the silence in which the only thing he could hear was Even's steady breathing (and still the damn rooster) and just watch, while the strange feeling in his chest would rise and rise. Aching and longing and so much caring.
He allowed himself that moment. Because it felt so good and he wanted to feel good. Because he could and it was too late anyway and because he was there, okay?
So he watched him. He leaned against the doorframe and watched him and took everything in.
Even's eyes were closed, of course, and his facial features were not playfully or serious or funny or concerned but looked smooth and soft. He looked younger. His lips were open the smallest bit and quiet, slow breathing filled the room.
The steady rising from his chest, the small sounds he made, the little twich of his nose. Isak took it all in as if it was his last chance.
Maybe it was.
While he watched the boy sleep, he felt himself getting calmer. He began to questioning himself the weirdest things in the back of his mind.
If it was really that bad if Even would stay.
If Even would wake up if Isak would snuggle back into him.
If he would wake up if Isak would count the freckles and moles on his body.
Even sighed in his sleep and Isak felt it in his stomach. Even's left hand ran through his strains for the shortest moment and Isak's fingers itched.
He wanted to touch that hair. He really really wanted to.
And yeah. The next thing he did was something what was probably called spontaneously.
Or stupid and pathetic. And he had no idea why he was doing it.
He walked – no, his feet did it on their own command – on his tiptoes to the edge of the bed. his eyes laid on Even the whole time so he nearly fell over a damn waterbottle on the ground. Then he stood directly in front of him.
Isak, what are you doing.
He slowly got down into a kneeling position.
He was like a moth. And Even was a light. No. The sun.
He was so close to his face and for a second he was sad because he couldn't see those blue eyes but only the long lashes which hid them.
Isak gulped and stared at the face. Suddenly all of his courage was gone, but it was too late now. He had come so far.
So he slowly lifted his right hand and brought it up to Even's face. He breathed in and carefully, very carefully let his fingers stroking through his silky hair.
And damn.
What a feeling.
If someone had seen Isak now he would have been blissed with an awestruck and fond expression on his face and had probably ask himself what had gotten in this grumpy body.
His hair was as soft and silky as it looked like and Isak knew he was lost in the moment he touched the first strain. His fingers wanted to explore the fluffy area and move through the hair and he had to hold himself back to not doing it but stay where he was.
Even's hair was not styled like usually so it fell over his forehead and his ears a bit. Isak smiled.
“Isaaak!“
The sound came so all of the sudden and unexpected that Isak jumped up and away from Even.
With hammering heart he looked over his shoulder to the door, from where the call was coming.
“Isak, are you up?“
“Shut up, Eskild!“, he all but hissed before he looked again to the bed and almost died because Even looked him straight in the eye.
He looked yet very sleepy and a bit disorientated and blinked multiple times to escape the light from outside.
Oh Eskild, you better run.
“Umh“, Isak began because he felt like he had to say something before he realized that he was standing in the corner of his room still in his bed outfit, looking very guilty.
Even's eyes seemed to accepted the sun and he now looked at the other boy with an unsure expression.
“Isak...“, he began but was already interrupted.
“You know, I have to go, helping Eskild with stuff you know. See you... later.“
And then Isak was out of the door again and had to prevent himself from hitting his head at his bedroomdoor.
.
“I already told you, Eskild, he is just a friend, jesus, how many times I have to repeat that?“
Isak was grumpy. Nothing left of his warm feeling earlier, let alone the thoughts.
He was sitting in the kitchen. He was there since half an hour, slurping a coffe and drumming with his fingers impatiently on the table.
Even was still in his bedroom and he didn't dare to get back and dress himself.
Which meaned he had to deal with a very curious Eskild.
“But why he isn't here?“ Eskild didn't give up. “I mean, I have never heard of him before and I know all of your friends.“
“You do not know all of my friends, what the fuck, Eskild? I'm not a social nerd.“
“Why are you supposed to be one because of that?“ Eskild sighed and waved at him wtih the fabric of his purple tunic. “Sometimes I don't get your thoughts, baby gay.“
„Good“, he snapped back.
It was bad enough that he needed all of his willpower to not think about what happened yesterday.
He was nervous. And now he had to deal with Eskild, who ruined the moment.
He didn't do it on purpose, Isak knew that but right now it was enough for him to be silent.
“Isak, I told you I am sorry for yelling, but this huge spider, you have no idea!“ Another dramatic gesture with the tunic.
“Eskild, there was no spider in three miles, you just wanted me out of bed so I could make you coffe.“ Isak groaned and laid his head on the table.
But in the next second he sat straight and looked alarmed to the door.
There was a noise like a door was opened. Footsteps tapped over the floor and in the bathroom. Another door noise.
Isak sighed of relief. He then became aware of Eskild's look.
“No, Eskild, let it be, please!“
Eskild looked like he wanted to say a lot of things. But then he just grinned and turned towards the sink.
Isak needed to move out.
“Umh, where's Linn?“, Isak asked to make conversation. And distract himself.
“Sleeping, as always, the poor girl.“ Eskild sighed. “I don't know, do you like this boy, Isak? The boy she's dating?“
“Julian Dahl?“
“Yeah, I don't know, she deserve so much, and he... you know, when they were here a few weeks ago, I offered them tea and cake and you know he just said...“
Isak was not interested in what Julian Dahl had said about it, and he would never know it, because suddenly there was a voice behind him.
“I don't want to interrupt, but I like need to leave now and... uhm... wanted to say goodbye to Isak?“
Isak's blood run hot, than cold, than hot again. He shoved the mug with coffe away from him and slowly turned around.
Even was standing in the doorframe and smiled shyly at them. He wore the things from yesterday. They looked a bit odd and with a shock Isak remebered he slept in them.
He slept under them. On top of them. Next to them.
Even's hair was still down so he didn't fix in in the bathroom and now he looked clearly younger.
Cute.
Even looked at him and suddenly Isak couldn't stand his look. So he laid his eyes on Eskild which was not necessarily a better idea.
Eskild was staring at Even with his mouth gaping open. Isak could see the questions which fought their way out of his throat and that caused him to intervene. Bad things would happen if he didn't.
“Yes, of course“, Isak said, too loud and quickly cleared his throat while he stood up and stepped around Eskild. “Eskild is busy anyway, right, guru?“
Eskild shot him a look. “You could at least introduce me to this... angel.“
Isak rolled his eyes and Even smiled. “Hi, I'm Even“, he said and took Eskild's hand.
“Eskild. Oh my god, where did Isak found you? Did Oslo completed finally the recept to create the perfect man and Isak is allowed to play wtih their prototype?“ He winked.
“Oh my god, Eskild!“ Isak hid his face in his hands while Even just laughed. “No, sorry to disappoint you.“
“Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't, dear.“
“Okay, okay, enough.“ Isak stepped between them and shoved Eskild. “Even needs to leave now and you are... busy. Say goodbye.“
“Chill Isak, I'm just messing around.“ Eskild turned to Even and winked at him. Isak could barely suppress a groan.
“Goodbye, Even, it was a pleasure to meet you. Hope you'll visiting us again.“
Even tried to say goodbye but Isak all but dragged him out of the door and closed it a bit to violently.
“Rude“, Even smiled. “He's fun.“
They stood in the floor now and Isak felt Even's bruning eyes on him while he was busy looking for Even's shoes.
A moment neither of them spoke.
Then -
“Are you...“
“I just wanted to...“
Then they both stopped before they broke out in awkward laughter. “You first“, said Even with twinkling eyes.
“Maybe we should go downstairs?“, Isak suggested because you could hear every word form here when you are standing in the kitchen and have no better job to do as spying.
“Okay.“
.
“So“, said Isak when they both stood outside the building.
“So“, said Even.
Isak looked down at his shoes. He didn't know what to say. Not a new thing, but he also felt nervous and insecure. He didn't know what Even was thinking about yesterday. Did he wanted to know it at all?
Things came to his mind, things from last night which he could not forget. Things that were confusing and much and full of feelings and tears.
“You didn't color your shoes.“
Isak looked up.
Even was pointing at his feet and oh. He was right.
“Yeah“, he mumbled. “I don't know how to do it, so...“
Even slowly nodded. His jacket was open like yesterday and his scarf was even less accurate around his neck. His hat was in his pocket, just the hint of red was to see.
“You know, I could do it.“ Even looked at him with a crooked smile. “I promised you, remember?“
The party. That seemed years ago. When Even stroked his hair to find a peanut.
“Yeah, I remember“, he said and actually had to smile. “But I can't go around without shoes, so...“
“What?“ Even's eyes widened. “Please tell me you owe another pair of shoes, Isak.“
When Isak shook his head he received only a headshaking from the other boy. “That's so sad“, he said.
Isak knew he tried to lighten the mood and he was grateful for that – but something inside him just couldn't bring the effort and energy to joking around like usual with Even.
“Even“, he said and noticed how the boy's eyes immediately got from amused to sincere. “I... uhm...“
Just fuck it.
“I'm sorry for yesterday“, Isak said quietly while looking at a spot next to Even's left ear. “I had no right to... get that from you and you probably didn't want to spend the night somewhere else... you have uni and stuff... uhm... and... yeah.“ The words stumbled over his tongue. “Sorry for calling you and being weird and awkward. I'm not like this usually, I mean, you know that, I mean we write with each other. But I mean, of course you don't know me like this and I just want to say that I'm not like this and if you think I'm weird now it's okay, I had just a bad day and stuff, and I needed a friend and I like you, as a friend of course and what I'm trying to say is I am not -“
„...like this“, completed Even for him. “Yeah, I get that.“
Isak bit his lip to stop his rambling. He wished Even would say anything but he stood just there, silent, the hands in his pocket.
Eventually Isak dared to look at Even properly. Even looked like he thought very hard about something. His brows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched. He looked Isak straight in the eyes.
“You're feeling better?“, he then asked. Isak frowned, surprised by the question. “What?“
“Are you feeling better?“, Even repeated, voice almost as quiet as Isak's. “Better than yesterday?“
Isak stayed silent for a few moments. He felt better, no question. He had properly slept a good few hours and could rest, despite the horror he would have to deal with today.
He looked at Even and knew that he could not lie to him. He had been there for him and was always nice to him, always. Suddenly isak felt overhelmed by his memories.
Even had hugged him so tight. He had spooned him and said nice things to him and stroked his face and kissed his forehead.
Okay, the last one could have been the imagine of Isak's brain but still.
This boy.
This damn boy.
He deserved the truth and nothing but the truth. So he looked him in the beautiful face and answered: “Yes I do.“
Even watched him with a serious look. “Then don't be sorry.“
He then stepped a bit closer to Isak and suddenly there was sadness in his face when he spoke again, quietly. “I wish you didn't have to call me.“
Isak didn't like that look on him. It made him sad, too and he didn't want to feel like that this early in the morning. He had a full day ahead to be grumpy and sad.
“Me too.“
“Isak?“
Even's eyes were so blue. And his voice so concerned.
„You don't have to tell me what's going on but I just need to know...“ He looked at him and Isak recognized fear in his face. “It's not about you? I mean, you're not dying or something or need to go into prison...“ He laughed half-heartly and Isak's heart ached.
“No“, he hurried to say, “I'm fine, Even, don't worry.“
He then realized that was the dumbest thing to say and Even seemed to agree, judged by his eyebrows.
“Even... I promise you it's nothing like that. Really.“
That got him a small, relieved nod from Even. “Okay.“
Then the silence took over again.
Isak stepped nervously from one leg to the other.
Say something about it. Just say how weird I am. Say it because I am a coward and don't want to begin that awkward topic. And because I don't want you to go.
But Even didn't say anything about yesterday. He just stood there and looked at Isak.
It made Isak furious inside but he couldn't do anything about it and he got confused more with any second. Why was he standing here yet?
Eventually, when Isak could bear it any longer he bit his lip and dared to ask.
“So... don't you have to go?“
Even's eyebrows lifted.
“I mean... you said it, that you needed to leave...?“ Isak could feel the blood rising to his cheeks. Great, Isak.
“Oh“, said Even. “Oh. Yes. Uhm.“ He scratched the back of his head. “I honestly just needed an excuse“, he said bluntly and Isak stared at him and hoped for a miracle so the ground would swollow Isak down.
When Even noticed his look he quickly added: “Oh no, god, not because... I mean, it looked like you didn't want me there or something...“
Isak prayed to the gods that he didn't know about the hair-stroking.
“Yeah, no, I mean“, he stuttered, “it was just Eskild you know, I got a bit angry because he was yelling and you're still sleeping so... uhm. Yeah.“
He scratched his nose. “I didn't want to throw you out“, he dared to say, fully aware of his blushing face. He had the intention to do it. That only Even's face needed to get involved to forget all of that was another story.
Even smiled at his words and Isak felt warm all over. “Okay, Isak“, he said, „that's nice.“
“I'm not nice“, Isak repeated automatically and Even laughed.
“Oh, I know.“
“Huh? Excuse me?!“, said Isak and suddenly the banter was back. “That's rude.“
“No that's me being honest.“
“Now I'm hurt.“
„Ah, such a sensible person.“
“Fuck you.“
“So rude.“
Isak smiled. “That's the right word.“
Even just shook his head and Isak smiled the tiniest bit. Then Even's expression changed as he had just gotten an idea. He turned to Isak and beamed at him.
“Are you hungry?“
Isak blinked. “W-what?“
“Are you hungry?“, Even repeated full of enthusiastically and grinned from ear to ear. “I know a very good place to eat.“
“I don't have any money here“, Isak hesitated but Even just waved this objection away. “It's okay, it's on me I owe it to you anyway.“
There was absolutely no reason in the back of Isak's head why the hell Even would invite him to breakfast.
Breakfast.
Jesus Christ.
“I-I'm not dressed, I didn't even shower.“
“So?“
“Uhm, I don't know Even, the people will think-“
“Fuck the people, though.“
Isak sighed. “Even, I can't just go with you to breakfast.“
“But why not?“ Slowly but surely the joy disappeared from Even's face. “It's just a breakfast.“
Just breakfast. Nothing with you is 'just'.
„Don't you want to eat with me?“, Even asked playfully but with a serious look.
“Yes, yes of course I want, I just...“ Isak fidgeted around. “I have homework“, was the first thing that came to his mind which caused the other boy to let out a mocking laugh. “Doesn't count. You already told me you don't have anything. Just say you don't want, Isak.“
Isak ran his hand through his hair desperately. “No, but you know, I just... there's so much... I just... it has to do with yesterday, okay?“
It wasn't fair, not fair and mean to use his mother as an excuse but Isak was desperate.
Even's face fell instantly. “Oh“, he said and stepped back. “Okay then.“ He bit his lip. “I... I didn't mean it, either, I mean you are probably busy and stuff with... yeah, whatever it is.“ He gave him a resigned look and Isak felt guilty as fuck.
“Even, listen...“
“It's okay, Isak, like I said, you don't have to tell me shit.“ Even smiled at him. It was a weird smile. “I will probably go now and... yeah, go home or something. I...“
A noise interrupted him.. he frowned and fished a phone out of his pocket. It was a very old Nokia-thing, like the ones which would survive the ice age and if it fell to the ground, the ground would be cracked.
He watched Even taking the call and thought very fast while Even talked.
“No, Mutta, don't do that. No! Just... I don't know, bring her back. Which idea...? Yeah, really? God, this boy!“ He sounded like he was talking to some schoolkids.
Breakfast or no breakfast. That was the question.
“Tell him he's the biggest idiot. No“, Even laughed, “I won't do that, it's your damn thing.“
If it would be really that bad if he would go with him...?
Yes. Yes, definitely.
Even was still smiling while talking to his phone.
But if you want to be his friend you have to be chill. You are not chill, Isak. You just said to him you don't want to eat with him. He thinks you don't like him or something. Isak didn't even know if Even believed him.
“Tell Mikael... listen! Tell him he just should go to the doctor, okay, if she's hurt or something. No, no milk.“
Breakfast was not that bad. And Even had said it's okay what he did yesterday. No reason to be embarassed and shy anymore.
“Yeah, that's... do that. Yes.“
If Isak didn't go, it would get only worse probably! Even wouldn't want to be his friend anymore.
“Yeah, okay, see you... me? I'm going home now, so I don't know, half an hour? Yeah, okay-“
“I'm dying.“
Even looked up, confused. “Huh?“
“I'm dying“, Isak said with his heart hammering in his chest. He sounded like the biggest idiot. “Because I'm hungry.“
Even stared at him for good five seconds. Then a voice came out of the phone but he ignored it. Instead a big smile spread over his face and Isak felt like the sun was rising.
“But“, Isak pointed out, “I need to shower and dress, so you will have to give me ten minutes.“
“Of course“, beamed Even. Then his brows furrowed. “But I have a little accident at home, so... I really need to go there... okay, here's the plan.“ His big hands cut the air while he was gesticulating. “I'm going home, shower and stuff like you and we meet in half an hour again in the street on the market place next to the grocery shop with the yellow curtains. Deal?“
Isak looked at that delighted face and couldn't hide his smile. “Deal.“
.
Isak managed to showering and getting dressed in the promised time, even it was close. He even convinced Eskild, who was gaping at him like a fish when he announced he would go to breakfast with Even as casually as he could, to not ask anything. But it was Eskild, after all, so Isak had to promise that Eskild would get details later. That Isak had emphasized they were just friends for like the millionth time didn't bother Eskild though.
When he just was on his way out the door, his phone rang. Isak looked at the screena and every good mood dropped out of him.
“Hi, Isak“, said his dad when Isak picked up the call and slowly walked out of the apartment. “Why didn't you call me back?“
Sorry, dad, I had a mental breakdown and had to find comfort and rest and reassurance in the arms of a friend.
“Yeah, I was shocked at first, you know...“
“But you could have called at least. I would have talked to you, Isak.“
Isak snorted. “Yeah, right“, he hissed while he walked down the stairs and out of the building. “Please spare me the details.“
“Isak...“
“I don't need...“ Isak stopped and bit his lip in frustration. “I just... I can handle it, okay? Stop concerning.“
“You're my son. I will never stop concerning.“
isak bit back a bitter laugh. That was ironical, it was almost hilarious. “Just drop it, Terje“, he said and listened how his father breathed in when he heard his name and not the word 'dad'.
Sorry. This times are over. You screwed it up.
A few moments of silence. Then his father cleared his throat. “Okay, Isak, let's meet today, okay? To visit your mother and get to know the details of the further treatment options.“
Isak paused. “The further treatment options?“, he echoed. “Why, what's wrong with the old?“
“Isak, there need to be a change“, Terje said, “It can't be that she was able to do this, we have to watch over her more carefully so it won't happen again.“
isak felt his guts turning to big heavy lumps of ice. “Terje...“
“I suggest a full hospitalized treatment“, Terje said. “That would be better for everyone and...“
“No!“
Isak had yelled it so a few people on the streets gave him funny looks but he didn't care. While his guts were cold as ice his blood run hot through his vains. “You won't do that to her“, he said with a shaky voice to stop it from yelling.
“Isak...“
“She don't like that, she will hate it and you know that. But it's not important, right, it's not necessarily, not when you can sit there in your fancy apartment running the business and...“
“I care as much as you do about how's mum doing, son.“
Oh right. Now I am the 'son'. Isak's hands were shaking. “You care about shit“, he said quietly, “the only thing that's important for you is your job. You just want mum to be locked away so you don't have to care for her.“
“Oh, and you care? How much have you visited her in the last year, huh?“
Isak stopped dead in his tracks. He barely heard the voice when it spoke again.
“Sorry, Isak, I didn't...“
“All the time you weren't there.“
“What?“
“I was there, all the time when you didn't.“ Isak tried to hide it, but with every word his voice was getting louder and angrier. “I cared for her when you was working so hard you barely was home even your job was us, and not some stupid project of your company!“
Tears rolled over his cheeks, hot angry tears.
“Isak...“
“I will not let you do that“, he said with a choked voice, “and I won't see her with you, I will visit her on my own. Don't call me.“
“Isak, son, please, I never wanted...“
But Isak had cancelled the call.
He stood there, between a big road and a restaurant, and tried not to broke down again in less than twelve hours.
.
“Hi, sorry I'm late, but I had...“
Even stopped dead in his tracks and in his speaking when he saw Isak. “Isak, what happened?“
Isak know he couldn't go with 'nothing“, so he just bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders.
“Don't want to talk?“
He nodded. “Sorry“, he said with a hoarse voice, “but you will probably run away if I tell you, so...“, he tried to joke and Even was nice and laughed at that.
“Okay, well, then let's do something to lighten your mood“, he said and clapped his back.
Isak wished he would hug him like last night.
“Oh, and what's that?“
“Food, Isak.“ Even looked him dead in the eye. “Food can save your life.“
“Yeah, right.“ Isak smiled and noticed it was not so hard to smile like he thought.
Even just raised his eyebrows and dragged him with him with a grip on his elbow. “Watch me, Valtersen“, he said.
The food was amazing.
Maybe because Isak didn't eat anything for so long or maybe because he loved orange juice and there was some self-made, holy fuck, or maybe because it was something so normal, sitting there, drinking coffe and eat scrambled eggs. Or maybe because Even was there with him to comment every shit Isak was eating. But it helped.
“You know, the only thing that's not so nice here is the scrambled eggs“, he said with a wink when Isak took another bite. Isak tried not to laugh with a mouthful.
“Oh, yeah?“, he asked when he swallowed the eggs. Even just nodded seriously. “I'll make you some one day“, he said while nibbling on his toast. “It will change you life.“
Isak hid his face in his hot chocolate.
I'll make you some one day.
“What happened before?“, Isak asked when he was finished with his eggs and started to eat his golden toast. “On the phone?“
“Oh. That.“ Even laughed and took another spoon of Avocado cream. “Mutta and Mik had the great idea to stole a kitten.“
“A kitten?"
“Yup.“ When Even noticen Isak stared at him he went on. “See, they found it in a plastic bag and took it with them to my flat because I don't know, it made a mess everywhere and well. I needed to check and then bring it to a doctor.“
Isak tried very hard not to imagine an adorable little kitten on the arms of Even. He swallowed again and took another sip of orange juice. “You want to keep it?“
“Nah.“ Even shrugged his shoulders. “Don't think so.“
“Why? Would be nice, I guess.“ Isak smiled and Even smiled too, but for the tiniest moment something else was on his face. A mix of frustration and annoyed resignation.
“I'm not the best person to take care of something“, he said.
You handled me. You are the best person I know for that.
But the look on his face prevented Isak from nagging about it. He dropped it and they talked about Even's friends and Isak's friends.
Even couldn't believe Isak knew Elisas for this long but had never seen Even.
“Like I said, I became friends with Sana late“, Isak explained. “And I don't know the other boys as well, you know, Mutta and Mikael and...uhm...“
Even grinned. “Adam and Yousef“, he finished.
“Yeah, Yousef, of course. He's in love with Sana, though.“
“Yes, he annoys us so much the whole day.“
“Sana don't talk about it. She's just peeling carrots.“
„Huh?“
They went on with the banter and Isak learned that Even actually came back from Trondheim a few weeks ago. There he had finished his final schoolyear after moving away from Oslo and now he had been there for a month to do a project with other media students.
When Isak asked why he left in the first place, Even flinched and just said it was something personal and Isak didn't ask.
“Just glad you're back“, he dared to say and felt proud when Even smiled surprised at him.
Even wanted to know everything about Isak and so Isak sat there in front of his hot chocolate and talked and talked. Even the most things Even already knew from their texting, it was different this way.
Even laughed about the wild adventures of Isak and Jonas, smiled about his complaining in uni and teased him that he was just too smart. Isak blushed and waved his comment away.
He told him about Mahdi and Magnus and Eskild and his shitty job and his fears that he won't make uni and Even listened and asked the right questions and laughed along with him and mocked him and made lame jokes and reassured him and said all the right stuff.
Isak didn't mention Sam or his mother or his dad.
Then Isak started to ask questions and the next half hour he stared with his mouth gaping open at Even who talked so passionately about film and direction and how he was insecure if he would make it and then he talked about cooking and about his favourite books and about his friends and he told him so many funny stories that Isak's stomach hurt from laughing.
“You deserved it, though“, Isak snickered when Even was finished telling him the ultimative story of him and Adam getting caught swimming in the lake at a school trip and they both got the cold of their lives.
“Excuse me?“ Even looked at him very hurt. “I was a thirteen years old boy with wet clothes and chattering teeth. You're so mean.“
“Why did you want to do this at all? It was october!“
“It was such a nice evening and you had a dope view at the stars and moon and stuff.“
Isak thought about a silly, romantic thirteen years old Even wrapped up in a blanket and sneezing and couldn't help but smiling fondly.
„Such a sappy hipster, even back then?“, he teased. What followed was a light kick against his leg under the table.
“You and your hipster, that's so 2014“, he scoffed. “I'm not like that.“
“I bet you could make yourself a little plait? Your hair is long enough.“
“Oh, and where're your little nerd glasses, huh?“
“Doesn't count, nerds are cool.“
“Why are you hurting me every time?“
“Again: I'm just being honest. And hipster also are wearing glasses.“
“Now you caught me.“ Even leaned back in his chair grinning at Isak. He frowned. “You're wearing glasses?“
“Yep. But only to read or when I'm tired.“
“Well, that's the proof.“ Isak took another strawberry. “Movie nerd and a hipster.“ He gave the other boy a certain look. “My condolences, Bech Næsheim“, he said.
“And pan. I live a dangerous life.“ Even stole the last strawberry from Isak's plate.
Isak paused in his movement to fight for the strawberry and stared at Even. “You're pan?“, he echoed dumbly.
Even laughed. “Yes, sorry if it's a shock for you.“
“No“, Isak insisted instantly and shook his head to affirm his position. “No, not at all.“
“Okay.“
Isak felt sweat on his forehead. Okay, stay calm...
Not that Even's sexuality would increase Isak's chances... then he shook his head again because what chances, fuck? Even is a friend! Don't screw this up.
“Most of the people don't know what it even means“, Even went on. “It's lightly exhausting when every third ask 'but it's not bi then?'“
“Yeah, I get what you mean.“ Isak remebered a heated debate about pan-, homo- and bisexuality between Jonas and Magnus. “But most of them are not mean, they are just not educated.“
“Mmh. I read an article which said that 35 percent of the people don't know what they are.“
Isak shook his head. “Must be difficult for people who don't know.“
“What about you?“ Even leaned in and suddenly the intensity in his eyes was back.
“Me?“ Isak laughed. “I think I knew I'm gay since... I don't know. Ever? But you know, I was insecure and all my friends talked about girls and stuff so I felt wrong and tried to hide it. And so i ended up being the probably most closed up boy on the history of Nissen.“ He finished his hot chocolate.
“Eventually I came out to Jonas and it got easier. I hooked up with some guys and stuff and then the summer came and we...“ He paused.
Even watched him attentively.
“Uhm...“
Suddenly memories came back. Bad memories. Memeories which hurt Isak's soul every time he thought about it. Still. And that annoyed Isak.
“Nothing“, he said, “I was in a relationship but it went bad. I'm not the type for that, I guess.“ He laughed awkwardly and shifted in his chair.
Even didn't laugh. He just watched Isak's expression with a look Isak couldn't quite decipher. Like he wanted to read Isak's soul.
But he didn't ask anymore.
“Sorry“, was his response. “For him I mean.“
Isak raised his eyebrow. “Why?“ he asked curious.
Even shrugged. “Cause he's an idiot for giving you up“, he pointed out while trying to get a last spoon of Avocado cream out of his bowl.
Isak's blood run hot again. But this time his guts wanted to join them and he tried hectically to conceal his fluster by hiding his face behind the menu card.
After a short while his circulation decided to calm down and he ask: “What about you then?“
“Oh, my story is nothing for today“, Even said and wiggled his eyebrows at Isak mysteriously. “The short version is I kissed my crush and he didn't responded like I imagined. That was pretty ugly but I moved on and so did he and yeah.“
Even shrugged again and ran a hand through his hair. It was still soft and not styled and Isak thought one more that he looked younger with that, more vulnerable.
Isak knew that this was not the whole story, not the way Even looked away when he spoke about it, obviously feeling uncomfortable with it.
It made him sad and angry. But right no he couldn't do anything about it.
They changed the subject and Isak felt like Even relaxed from a tension he didn't noticed.
Isak refused to talk about birthdays at first. He never liked those, because it reminded him of a whole family, a lucky and happy mum, dad and child and a big cake with many candles on it. But Even told him about his own and Isak listened with a smile to the childhood stories he brought up and after that it got easier to talk about the times his mother didn't throw things throught he house and his father didn't say things to him like today.
When Isak asked when actually Even's birthday was he grinned and challenged him to guess.
“Hmm....“ Isak narrowed his eyes and studied Even's excited face. “You love the snow but also the summer. You like to draw and to cook and you are a film student. Mmh... your favorite color...?“
“Depends on the mood.“
“Come on!“
“Okay... yellow or orange. But also green.“
“Green?“
“Yeah I like green. It's reassuring.“
“Okay. Then... and you are a cat or dog type?“
Even broke out in laugh. “I don't know. Really, I have no idea.“
Isak sighed, pretending to be annoyed. “Well, since there's a kitten in your flat I go with cat“, he said.
“Are you going to make a list and analyse it so I can get your result in two weeks?“, Even mocked. Isak sticked his tongue out, then he said: “You are a winter child."
Even nodded. “Impressive“, he said and smirked at him.
Isak smiled. “But the day... ugh, I don't know.“
„Twelve. And February.“
“Yess!“ Isak grinned. “Okay, now it's my turn.“
“Okay...“ Even went silent and stared at Isak for good two minutes. Which was not good for Isak's brain.
“I actually have only one question“, Even said after a while and leaned back while Isak breathed out.
“Shoot it.“
“Do you know Baz Luhrmann?“
Isak blinked. “Who?“
Even gritted his teeth. “Thought so“, he said and shook his head in disappointment.
“Who is that?“, Isak wanted to know but Even held up a hand. “Shh. I have to concentrate to find your holy day of birth.“
“Ugh, you're so weird.“ Isak scratched his ear while Even sat there with closed eyes and a concentrated face.
“Uh, I see... your birthday is... ah, it's difficult to see, wait...“
“Stop that, idiot“, laughed Isak when Even began waving through the air with his fingers.
“Your soul is talking to me, Isak Valtersen-“
Please not.
...and it tells me your birthday is in June, no – May. No, June. Yes, June. And the day... uhm...“ He opened his eyes as smirked at Isak. “Twenty? No, twenty one?“
Isak rolled his eyes. “Tsss, at least I was guessing“, he pouted. “Okay, where did you see my ID?“
“What?“ Even seemed hurt. “I never would...“
“Even.“
"Blasphemy is a sin, you know."
"Last warning."
„It's a shame to-“
“Spill it, boy.“
“I had to check your age when you reserved.“
„Ah, okay.“
Even grinned. “You're twenty.“
“People could think you are stalking me.“
“Never.“
“But how old are you? Twenty three?“
“Twenty two. So much older and wiser than you so be careful what you say next time, idiot.“
“Tsss, I won't listen to an old boy who is a poor art hipster.“
“I'm leaving now.“
Isak lost the sense of time and when he looked again on his phone he startled because it was already past eleven.
“We are quite late, huh?“, Even said who also watched his phone. “Dammit, I need to get to the library.“
“Sorry“, said Isak and felt guilty once more but Even just gave him a look and he dropped it.
“So, then let's go?“
Even instisted in paying for both of them and Isak tried really hard not to blush about it. He wanted to give Even money back but he only shrugged and said he wanted to and it's okay and somehow Isak believed him and shoved his crones back into his pocket.
“So“, said Even, when they stood on the platform, waiting for the tram. Isak needed to get the train in the other direction but he wanted to bring Even.
“So.“ Isak rubbed the back of his head. “What do you need to do today?“
Isak didn't want Even to go. He felt good with him. Even stopped him from thinking about his parents. He distracted him, that was the only reason why he wanted him to stay, for sure.
“I need to get this book, it's very nice, tips and tricks for photography and filming.“
“I want to see your photos one day“, Isak murmured, “bet they are not that nice like you brag.“
“There you go, hurting me again.“
“What else?“
“Well, I don't know what to do with this kitten, so... I need to talk with my shitty friends, one of them needs to keep it. And I need a name.“
Isak snorted. “You don't even want to keep it, why do you think you have the right to baptize it?“
“Because it's in my flat, destroying my sheets and eating my food.“
“Good point.“
“Yeah. Oh, and I have to work today.“
isak looked up. “In that restaurant?“
Even nodded, his eyes glued to Isak. “And, will I get lucky to greet you someday?“
“Yes, of course“, Isak said without thinking. “But this time you need to stay so I can give you no tips.“ He laughed and then became aware of Even's expression. “What?“
“Nothing.“ Even shook his head and let the expression disappear. He cleared his throat. “Uhm... so, what are your plans today?“
Isak frowned. He didn't know what was going on in the older boy.
“Uhm, I meet Magnus today, it's chill“, he said. “And I need to work also.“ He cringed at the imagine.
Even nodded. Then he suddenly grinned. “You could work with us“, he offered.
Isak laughed. “Yeah, for sure“, he said and looked at his phone to check if Magnus had written.
When he looked up Even stared at him sincere. “It was not a joke“, he said, “We need more people for the tables in the third area and it gets quite intense at the weekends. If you want, I will ask.“
Isak's mouth fell open. “Are you... are you serious?“
Even's smile made him weak in the knees. “Yes.“
Isak tried to stay calm at the thought of him working at a job which wasn't the hell and brought him enough money. Not to mention working with Even.
Fuck.
“That would be nice“, he said, “my job's pretty shitty and the money is also not the best.“
Even nodded. “I wil ask“, he said. “Don't worry.“
The train rushed in. People made their way thorugh the crowd, stepping around the two boys on the platform.
“So“, Even said and gave him a crooked smile. “Have a good day, Isak. I hope it will be okay.“ He looked at him so soft and sincere, Isak wanted to cry.
“And if anything... gets to much or something... you can call me.“
“Yeah, I know.“ Suddenly Isak's voice got hoarse. “Thank you. I mean, for everything, I had a very nice morning. And night. I mean, not nice, obviously, uhm, but...“
“Yeah“, Even said quietly, “I know.“
Isak let out a shaky breath. Why was he feeling like he said goodbye to his lover in some sappy Hollywood movie?
Isak didn't know. He only knew that he didn't want to say goodbye without knowing when they would see each other again. So he quickly went in his mind through his schedule and asked: “Hey, what about Sunday, are you free to brag about your drawing skills?“
He felt lightly proud of his calm and chill sounding voice.
Even stared at him. “Uhm... yes, I guess?“ He smiled. “I mean, I have to work, but the afternoon should be okay.“ He watched him again and then the beaming was back. “Then Sunday?“
“Okay.“ Isak smiled. “Sunday.“
Even needed to get in the train but he didn't move. Instead he came closer to Isak and then he hugged him.
Isak din't know he needed it until he put his arms around Even, burried his nose in his neck and breathed him in.
“Thanks“, he whispered in his ear. Even responded just with rubbing his hands over his back.
They hugged maybe a bit too long. But neither of them cared. And then Even really needed to get into the train and he let go of Isak, waved at him and sprinted with his long legs to the doors which someone had held open for him thankfully.
And Isak stared at him, watched him disappear between jackets and strange faces and tried to stay calm. He watched the train getting out of the station and stood there even when it was gone.
He stood there for a bit longer. Just a bit longer.
Then he sighed and closed his eyes.
What am I doing with my life. What can I do? What can I do to just be normal?
But on the other hand... normal wasn't, what had brought him Even. Normal wasn't what made him call him and ended up in eating breakfast together.
And that was a bit, just the tiniest bit, cheering up.