Chapter Text
He slept for what felt like years.
His eyes fluttered open to a stream of sunshine, slowly coming back to his senses, before he'd immediately jerk awake. This cycle repeated itself almost endlessly; waking up, forgetting where he was, and then dozing off again. With each waking, he'd remembered that he was like a caged animal: safe but not free. Safe, being a relative word, since he had no idea what his impending fate would be. It made the scrape of the rope on his wrists that much worse when he thought about it.
In between moments of consciousness, he would catch glimpses of the road behind them. It felt odd to be traveling as fast as they were, given all the time he spent walking. He was thankful for the speed though when an occasional corpse would stumble into the road, looking at their vehicle as it left it's moldy silhouette in the dust.
For the most part the trip was blissfully uneventful; he just watched the trees and shrubs turn from green to orange in the setting sun. It wasn't until night fell that he was finally, and fully awake for the first time.
The car rolled to a stop, and instantly his nerves were on fire with adrenaline. This was it. The easy ride had come to an end.
Sure enough, he heard the side door open, and felt it when it closed. His three captors crawled out of the station wagon, stretching as they did so. He waited in silence, body tense and electric. The trunk popped open, and Mike loomed over him. This was it. He looked at Levi for a moment, as if searching for something to say. In the end he just breathed nosily through his nose, reached beside him and grabbed the kindling. They left the trunk open.
Levi laid still, dumbstruck. Was that it?
He waited a moment, hesitant, before he realized they'd let him be. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to lift roll himself onto his side. Once he was on his side he could probably get himself to sit up.
He watched them from afar, their shadowy figures almost as dark and menacing as the night. A spark of light broke the evening, before a small flame burst forth. Their faces were illuminated then, their faces creased with worry and exhaustion. They seemed to be painfully alert, but preoccupied as well. Levi seemed to be the farthest thing on their minds.
They began to talk amongst themselves, their hushed tones much too quiet for to hear. He suspected it their digression was no mistake. He let out a soft sigh, frustrated by his situation. At least he could die somewhat well rested. Although he really wish they'd just get on with it. He was never one for patience.
Finally, Hanji looked up, firelight reflecting off her glasses. "Guys, there's a body over there."
Instantly, their bodies tensed.
"Human or Zed?"
Interestingly enough, each group he'd encountered had a name for the walking dead. He wondered briefly how many other names were out there, but quickly loss interest. In the end it didn't really matter; the dead were dead regardless what you called them.
Mike sniffed, "Not sure. Better check it out."
Erwin nodded, brow furrowing. "Be careful."
Hanji grinned, but it was nervous. "Aren't we always?"
They both frowned and threw her an incredulous look.
"What? I can't help it I'm creative."
"Creative with your well-being more likely." Mike snorted.
"Whatever. Are we going to poke this thing with a stick or what?" She balanced a wicked looking baseball bat on her shoulders.
He hadn't noticed it before, but apparently they had switched out their weaponry to something more close range. He was then met with the uncomfortable imposition of whether he wanted his captors to get eaten, or if he wanted them to just bludgeon the thing's brains out.
He watched as their figures became one with the dark outside the fire's light. There was only one of them left now. If only he'd been untied and had his knife; he could have freed himself and made off like a thief in the night. Then again his captors hadn't survived this long by being stupid, he was sure of that. Of course, if Levi had been in their shoes, he would of dumped his sorry ass. Then again, perhaps they weren't that smart. They were asking about the cure, after all. Only idiots still hung on to false hope like that. Maybe he should ask them if they believed in Santa Clause, or God.
He snorted at that, but his humor was short lived.
A shiver came over him. He was being watched.
He trailed his gaze back over to the fire, startled by how intensely Erwin was staring at him.
He was so damn creepy, god.
A sickening squelch from the dark distracted Levi's attention. He knew that was the sound of a skull being caved in.
However, the two came back in one piece, if not a bit gorier. Jesus Christ, they were probably going to smell.
"Good news! It was just a dead body!" Hanji cheered. "We smashed him though, just in case." She dabbed a bit of blood off her coat, "Guh, I hate fresh ones. Better than the ones that have purified though.
Erwin nodded, "You can never be too careful."
Oh god, he really hope they hadn't chopped him up.
Mike reached for his pocket, digging for what Levi hoped wasn't a tasty slice of human for later. "Even better news, he had food in his pockets." Instead, he pulled out four slim-jims and a cereal bar.
Erwin rose his eyebrows, "How many pockets did he have on him?"
Mike smirked, "Cargo pants."
"Well hot damn." Erwin rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
Levi stared at the ring of people before him. If they were cannibals, they would have harvested a fresh kill.
"You found the spoils first. Take what you want."
For the first time, they looked something other than tense. They looked down right excited, human even. They weren't cannibals, they weren't jailers, they were just people trying to get by, just like him. Hanji and Mike exchanged looks and both reached for the slim-jims.
Erwin chuckled, surprisingly fond of their reaction. "I suppose we better get started on dinner, hmm?"
Mike blanched. "I hate it when it's my turn."
"We're all suffering with you." Erwin clapped him on the shoulder, but was smiling.
"Not as much as me and my nose." He groaned, but skulked off to rummage in the car.
Hanji motioned behind her, "Hey Erwin, what are we going to do about feisty in the trunk?"
Feisty? Really? That's what they were calling him?
He rose an eyebrow, humor receding. "I'll take care of him."
Now for the moment of truth. His skin crawled with anticipation and anxiety, but at least he'd finally know.
Erwin strode over to him before stopping a safe distance away and crossing his arms. "You didn't run."
"Yeah? And where would I go?"
His captor tried to suppress a smile, but Levi still caught the corner of his mouth twitching. Great, this group was well-equipped, and had a terrible sense of humor. At least they weren't cannibals.
He found the thought sobering, relaxing involuntarily.
At least they weren't cannibals.
"So, gonna untie me or something?"
"No."
"...So what are you going to do?"
Erwin remained quiet a moment, before finally shifting his stance. "You want the truth?"
"Always."
" I haven't decided."
"...Are you fuckin' kidding me?"
"Wish I was. Are you sure you don't know anything about the cure?"
Levi grit his teeth in frustration. "I don't know why you dipshits are so focused on such a pipe dream, but no, I don't. I don't know anymore than I did when you questioned me about it the first time."
After a thoughtful pause, he spoke. "I believe you."
"You better, because it's the truth."
At first, Levi expected him something else, but he just continued to stand there, staring, studying him with scrutiny. He had a feeling this was normal behavior for such a freak.
Erwin shifted slightly, breaking the silence. "I would ask if you'd like opossum, but nobody likes opossum."
He could tell that the statement was supposed to be humorous, but he just blanched instead. He could imagine just how oily and foul the meat would taste, and that was as close as he wanted to get. He was thankful Erwin hadn't offered; it made it all the easier to refuse him. Despite how sick he felt, he couldn't help but think about his own hunger and the fact that he was ravenous. It didn't help that his hungry mind hyper-focused on the snacks in Erwin's hand. It took all his willpower not to stare him down, and he hated himself for it.
As if Erwin had heard his thoughts, replied, "Hungry?"
Levi ground his teeth together, refusing to answer.
A slow, knowing smile crossed his features. It was creepy as fuck. "I'll give you food, but you realize why I can't untie you, right?"
He did, painfully so. Levi hated that even he agreed it was better to keep him bound.
"So what, are you going to feed it to me or something? Or are you going to make me starve? Because I can go forever just on spite.
He chuckled slightly, "Of that, I have no doubt."
It was pointless, but a small part of him really hoped Erwin would just untie him. He couldn't think of anything more humiliating than having another person feed him with their dirty fingers. Starving was worth what little pride he had left.
"Well you're lucky then, because it seems spite is more on my menu tonight. I'll dine on your pity another night."
He unwrapped the slim-jim, and hunger clawed it's way out of Levi's stomach.
"I can be a very kind man, but I can also be a very nasty one. It's up to you which side you see tonight."
He froze, nails digging into the fabric of his gloves. Jesus, he could smell the grease and he was disgusted at how badly he wanted it.
His stomach betrayed him and let out a fierce rumble.
"Eat." The man was careful enough not to let his grubby fingernails leave the packaging, and for that he was thankful.
For the first time in his life, Levi obeyed, and he was reviled to do so. He took an angry bite, snapping the meet in half and chewing with more force than necessary. He wasn't about to admit how good how meat, even if it was mostly preservatives, tasted. His mouth salivated, and he wolfed the first piece down to snatch up the remaining piece greedily. This time, he made sure to let his teeth scrape the bastard's hand in spite. The fact that he hadn't outright bit him was a show of self-control.
Erwin kept his face carefully blank as he slowly unwrapped the cereal bar, but held it just without reach. Those eyes were cold and calculating, even in the flickering glow of the campfire.
What a bastard, depriving him of food. It made his blood boil, but he forced himself to be calm.
"What makes you think I won't bite off a finger or two?”
"Because I know you wouldn't be foolish enough to bite the hand that feeds you."
Levi snorted, "No, but I am stubborn enough to give them a good nip now and then.”
Erwin smiled then, a real genuine smile that startled Levi. It was suspiciously fond, and he suddenly realized how much all of this was a game to the man before him. He felt dirty, allowing himself to be toyed with in such a manner, but he was too hungry to care.
He took another savage bite out of the bar, and wolfed it down equally as quickly.
"I don't envy your hunger. But I'd hate to have your thirst." As he spoke he pulled a clear bottle of water from his coat jacket. Apparently, Erwin had saved the best for last: water.
Levi's eyes got big. He had a whole bottle of water. When was the last time he'd been able to find that much? Yet here Erwin was, nonchalantly carrying liquid gold. He wondered how they even found that much, and whether it was pure.
He shuddered, thinking of the microbes that could be festering beneath the clear surface. No, it had to be clean enough to drink. Why else would he offer it? Who would want to take care of a prisoner who had the runs?
Erwin unscrewed the cap off the dented plastic bottle, label white and peeling with age.
He really hope that bottle had been cleaned recently too, and almost thought twice about taking a drink. Yet he could feel how chapped his lips were and the painful dryness of his mouth and decided to go for it anyways.
Erwin brought the bottle to his lips, and Levi drank greedily as if he were as dry as a desert. He was choking down water so fast that he was swallowing more air than water, and Erwin wrenched the bottle away from him.
"Give it back." He hissed.
"You're drinking too fast." He lifted the bottle back to him with surprising gentleness, "Slow down this time. Don't make yourself sick."
Grudgingly, he did as he was told. The water slid down his throat smoothly, and he drank deeply. It still wasn't enough to make him feel any less thirsty, but it was a good start.
"I'm sorry to say I can't give you any more right now, but there will be more tomorrow."
"How?"
"Hanji built a..." He hesitated, "What did she call it...a solar still?"
They were a bunch of freaks, but at least they were useful freaks. "So that's how you get clean water. She distilled it." It must have been in the backseat away from sight.
He nodded, slowly shifting the conversation elsewhere. "So, what do we call you?"
"According to glasses, I go by feisty."
Erwin let out an amused huff. "You don't want to know the other names she's given us."
“Try me. Your pain will bring me joy."
"I asked you first."
He could be difficult and not answer, but he almost feared what the alternative was. After a few moments, he replied with honestly. "...Levi."
He nodded, as if committing the name to memory. "I suspect you already know who we three are?"
He gave a slow nod.
"Good. The less time it takes to get acquainted, the better." He looked over his shoulder briefly, then returning his attention back to Levi. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted before anything could get out. From the campfire, Levi recognized Hanji's voice, “Yoooo, Commander Handsome, you done terrorizing feisty overt here?
Erwin colored slightly at the name.
Dear god, he wasn't kidding about the names. Still, it made Levi feel like he had some sort of power knowing it. “You better go, Commander Handsome, glasses is calling you.”
He shot him a look, which only made Levi smirk, as the man trotted back over to the fire.
By now Mike had pulled out skillet and was frying what he assumed was the opossum. Levi refused to look at the raw meat sizzling in the flame, and buried his nose into the bandana around his neck. The smell of human stink and musk made him want to gag, but it was much preferred to that of oily meat.
He was only thankful that he was far away from the cooking fire, and away from the stench. Everyone had a look of disgust on their faces; especially Mike. He couldn't imagine the meat would taste very good; if it was from the city it probably had a consistent diet of garbage.Levi gagged a little at the thought. There was no way someone could make him eat that.
However, the other three were desperate enough that they each took their piece. They weren't too happy about it as they tried to tear the meat with their hands, and, oh god he couldn't watch anymore.
He squeezed his eyes shut.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Don't think about the blood, the gore, entrails, dirt and grime and the bacteria.
It was too far out for that stupid opossum to be from the city, but the idea of something nibbling on garbage, waste, green, purple and black with mold, the filth, rot, and mold being digested--
Filth, rot, mold.
Filth, rot, mold.
Filth, rot, mold.
The thought kept circulating, looping over one another again, and again, and again. He bit down hard on his lip in an attempt to anchor himself. Normally he'd go brush his teeth or clean if he found himself hung up on a thought, but neither venue was exactly open to him at the moment. So he did the next best thing: he chewed his lips until they were raw, and counted.
All he had to do was breathe.
In, and out, and count, gnaw, and count.
He focused on the frayed edges of his jeans, counting the delicate fibers and not the ridiculousness of his situation. Time seemed to stand still as he counted each thread, one by one, over and over again.
Time began to tick by, unaware to him, as he meticulously counted all the strings that held his life together.
Before long, there was a familiar, bitter taste of copper filling his mouth. His mouth was sore and bloody, but he couldn’t deny that he felt much better. It was a crude fix but it worked, and as far as he was concerned, that’s all it needed to do.
He shuddered as he spat a disgusting mixture of blood and spit into the dirt below. He did this ten times – exactly ten times – before he figured he was clean enough. The acrid taste lingered, and it was a painful reminder of weakness.
He looked up then, surprised to only see darkness. Apparently he’d been so absorbed in thought that he hadn't noticed the group disperse, and the fire douse itself. They moved towards the car again, pausing momentarily.
“So, whose driving tonight...?” Hanji trailed off, eying her two companions, and then Levi.
At first he thought she meant him, until Erwin was into the front seat of the station wagon.
“I think Mike should take it easy. After all, he almost got knifed today and he was on duty last night. He can take shift tomorrow.”
Hanji nodded, appeased with the decision. “I agree.” She hopped up alongside Erwin, in the driver's side with her bat in hand. “Just get some sleep, alright? And holler at us if you need anything, okay?”
“Are you sure, I don't mind---”
Erwin stopped him this time, a ghost of a smile on his features. “I know, which is why we don't mind.”
He didn't bother quarreling with them further. “Thank you. I mean it.”
“Yeah, yeah, just go get some sleep, ya big lug.” Hanji grinned, giving him a light shove with her foot.
Mike smiled back at her, a small gentle smile, before shuffling off into the dark. He passed the trunk, pausing before Levi. This troupe of freaks had a penchant for staring for inappropriate amounts of time, and Levi found himself fidgeting under his gaze.
He finally spoke up, thank god, “So…Levi is it? Do you want a blanket or something?”
This group just confused the ever living fuck out of him. First they wanted to kill him—not that he could blame them—and now they were extending a cautious sense of generosity. At least Mike hadn’t apologized about hitting him or some bullshit.
Still, he’d best keep his temper. This was the hand he’d been dealt, and he had to make do with it. He shrugged. “No thanks.”
Mike nodded slowly, as if in thought. “Alright. Sweet dreams.” He shut the hatch to the back behind him, before getting into the car himself.
Levi sighed, looking through the rear window once more. The moon was absent from the night sky, and thus he was plunged in darkness. His wrists were starting to chafe, and the pose was getting more uncomfortable. Perhaps he’d have to talk to them about that tomorrow. For now he looked out into the big unknown, his fate just as uncertain as it was yesterday.
The car roared to life with the turn of a key, and Levi found himself lurching forward once again. So apparently their strategy was to drive all night and switch off from time to time. He couldn't say it was a terrible idea, but it certainly wasn't the best. Then again, he was still adjusting to even being in a car again, so what did he know?
He rolled over on his back, staring up at the ceiling above him while the hum of the engine overcame the roaring quiet.
Then it began.
Their voices were soft at first, mindful of the sleeping giant in the backseat, but as the night drew on the front seat was filled with conversation.
“Hey Erwin, is Mike asleep?”
There was a soft sound of leather creaking.
“Yeah, he's out cold.”
“Good, because I want to talk about Nanaba.”
Even Levi could feel the tension in the air.
“...What about her?”
“I know we'll never really talk about it, because hey, the dead are dead and there's nothing we can do about it. We can't afford to really feel those things, and I get it, but...She was my last tie to the past.” She laughed, but it was quiet and bitter. “I know the past is gone, and that's another thing we don't talk about but, I can't ignore the present any longer, y'know?”
There was a moment of silence.
Finally, Hanji sighed. “You know what, it was dumb---”
“No. You're absolutely right, it's important and I want to give you the proper response.”
There was surprise in her voice, “Of course. Sorry, sometimes when I get nervous I jump the gun---”
There was a smile in his voice, “I know.” Another pause, “I know she was your coworker, and you're right, your link to the past is severed. Nothing can make that better or right, but it isn't gone. Not yet. You still remember what it was like before all this. You lose that, you lose yourself, and you don't come back from that.” He paused a moment, chuckling, “Sorry, that doesn't make much sense, does it?”
“...No, you're absolutely right, and that almost makes it worse. Although I gotta say, I think that's the most I've ever heard you say in one sitting.”
They both laughed quietly at that.
“But what about you, Mr. sagely experience? I know you and Mike were already a duo when he found us.” She trailed off, expecting an explanation.
Only she was met with silence and subtle nervous shifting. “Yes...Mike and I...go a long ways back.”
“So he's pretty much your anchor, huh?”
“You could say that.”
“I'll never get a straight answer out of you, huh.”
“Like you said, the past is important but it's better that it stay there.”
“Yeah, I know, but it feels kinda weird sometimes. We all have this unspoken bond of trust, and yet, we know little to nothing about each other. We've been traveling together for months, and I don't even know how old you are. I mean, I'm not saying we need to be buddy buddy, but...it just feels weird sometimes. Just another product of our current situation I guess.”
“When you're staving off death together, you find out you don't really need to know the little things. It doesn't really matter as long as you have my back. I trust you, Hanji, like you said.”
“Knowing where I grew up won't make it hurt any less if I die, Erwin.”
“Perhaps.” His tone was quiet, thoughtful. “We won't know until it's too late.”
“Ah, that's right, you were a soldier before all this, right?”
He shifted uncomfortably, silence his only answer. “...Keep your eyes on the road, Hanji. I know we're in an apocalypse situation, but it's no excuse for poor driving habits.”
He could tell Hanji was dying to ask him more questions, but to his surprise she fell silent. “Wouldn't that be the way to go? Accidentally hit a deer in the middle of zed apocalypse and you die that way. How horribly ordinary. That's like dying of the flu.” She laughed a little too loudly and Mike grumbled in his sleep.
Their voices dropped to a hushed whisper, but Levi could still make out what they were saying.
So he was right about a few things. He suspected he'd never be completely filled in, and quite frankly he didn't care, but he held fast the fact he had guessed right: Erwin was ex-military.
The further the night drew on, the less interested he became in their idle banter. It was fairly obvious they weren't going to reveal anything else tonight, and soon they became nothing more than faint murmurs.
He fell asleep late in the night, listening to the soft scrape of voices above him, talking about days gone by as they watched in the dark.