Chapter Text
Levi froze when the door was unlocked, momentarily forgetting why he was even returning. The apartment was a mess. Obviously Eren hadn’t come around whilst he’d been hospitalised, taking Levi’s words previously really seriously.
All possible words dried up in his throat as the black haired male surveyed his apartment. Cushions from the couch lay ripped up on the floor – stuffing decorating the corners of the room like a subtle cobweb. Shatters of porcelain plates lay broken on the ground, a dark stain seeping across the normally white as snow carpet. The dull sense of nails scraping across his skin was felt, Levi’s eyes unable to look away from that spot.
Eren whispered his name softly, the brunette tugging his chin over.
“Levi, please. Stop.” Ocean eyes searched his, the senior visibly swallowing hard. A short apology was given, ice gray orbs refusing to continue the others gaze, switching to the ground instead. Eren just squeezed his arm comfortingly. “Let’s clean up. You can go to bed if you’re tired.”
The male shook his head, feeling his chest constrict uncomfortably. He wanted to be by Eren’s side. The brunette just gave him a side-wards look before shrugging, giving a short smile.
“Sure then. Let’s get a move on.” Eren walked past him, grabbing the broom from a closet as he began to sweep away the broken shards.
Levi nodded to himself, heading towards the cupboard to find some stain-remover. Kneeling by the patch of dried blood where he had collapsed after relapsing, he gingerly ran a finger across it. Dark shudders travelled up his spine. Forcing his gaze away, Levi applied a generous amount of stain remover, knowing it wouldn’t fix it entirely. He’d have to buy a rug or something equally as ugly to cover the mess he had created.
Scrubbing, he watched the way in which the colour lightened, the deep vermillion coming to the surface. White foam that was tinged with a light red covered his hands as he rubbed relentlessly, a bucket of water next to him to wash the stain away. Eren could be heard humming to himself, not noticing where Levi had crouched to.
“Hey Levi, I finished! You may have to get a new couch though-“ Eren stopped mid-sentence, pausing as he popped up over said couch, voice trailing off as his eyes dropped to what Levi was doing. His face fell as he murmured the males name, eyes pained. “You should have let me do that...”
“It’s fine. I’m used to-“
“Levi, you’re shaking...” Eren whispered, moving over to clasp the dark haired male’s hands.
Levi’s voice hitched as he watched his body tremble, having not noticed it before. He opened his mouth but no words came out, getting trapped instead inside his oesophagus and choking him. Finally he shut his eyes, inhaling deeply.
“Is it possible to stay back at Mikasa’s until we fix this? I just...too many memories.”
“Of course.” Eren nodded along understandingly, squeezing Levi’s hand in reassurance. “I’ll call her now. You go back up some clothes.”
Levi stood, automatically washing his hands under the tap, watching the rivets of blood stained water slide down the plug emotionlessly. Eren moved off to call his sister as Levi entered the bedroom, surprised that everything was relatively in order. Grabbing his rucksack, the male folded up his favourite sweaters and jeans, packing everything important into the bag. Next went in some toiletries, the male pausing when he noticed his metal box in the bathroom cupboard missing. He stiffened as he realised they were scattered somewhere around the apartment from his relapse. Eren may find them, was his first thought. But then he exhaled, knowing full well that Eren knew they existed. There was no way he couldn’t.
Swallowing, he swiftly left the bathroom, feeling the walls begin to constrict upon him, making it hard to breathe. As he shut the door, his face smacked straight into Eren’s chest, not noticing the boy being right there. A soft sound of annoyance escaped his lips but before he could get mad, another pair of lips were over his, taking his breath away. Levi opened his mouth submissively as he placed a gentle hand on Eren’s stomach, having missed those soft and supple lips against his. His hand lay just above Eren’s belt buckle, fingers curling into the light material as a warm tongue pressed against his, Levi feeling his knees weaken at how unbelievably gentle Eren was being with him. Like he was some fragile doll about to break. Turning his head, Levi broke off the kiss.
“Not here.” His eyes silently begged and Eren got the message, leaning down to instead pick up the others bag.
“You take your guitar, I’ll carry this.”
The two compromised as they prepared to leave, Levi forcing himself to ignore the elephant in the room of his blood. It made him feel sick.
As they waited for Mikasa to arrive for their lift, Levi opened up a new box of cigarettes, placing the tip between his lips quickly. Eren gave him a slight look of disapproval after the hospital had advertised Levi to give up smoking altogether too. Lighting up, the dark haired male took a long drag, feeling the smoke enter his lungs softly.
He felt warm.
The car journey back was tense – Mikasa remaining silent as she understood what was happening, needing no words to confirm her suspicions. Eren watched Levi gave out of the window subtly – the city life flying by, lights flashing across hs face as he watched the world go by – so alive and so oblivious. A heavy weight rested inside the brunette’s stomach, churning his guts. He was worried for Levi. He was always so worried...
Arriving back at the house, Mikasa entered first, keeping the door open for the two. The whole car journey had felt uncomfortable so she was glad to get out of the situation. Eren stumbled up to the front door, lugging along their bags as Levi heaved his guitar case onto his back.
As soon as the dark haired male stepped into the hallway, an overwhelming sense of peace washed over him. He exhaled heavily, allowing his eyelids to flutter shut as he breathed in the scent of the house. It was peaceful.
A soft touch to his arm caused ice gray orbs to open, Eren standing there before him, a slight smile catching on the tips of his lips. It was warming.
“Let’s unpack.”
Levi nodded, following his boyfriend to his previous bedroom, feeling his own stomach swirl as they entered. This really was one of his favourite places! Flopping into the bed face first, Levi pulled the blankets around him until he became a cocoon of warmth, surrounded in everything that was Eren. A low chuckle was heard as the brunette observed his actions – amused being an understated emotion. Climbing onto the bed slowly, Eren suddenly leaped down to pull the comforters off, a light breath of laughter escaping his lips as Levi complained, attempting to curl tighter into the material whilst pushing Eren off.
Pushing Levi’s hands back until they were pressed against the mattress by the dark haired male’s head, Eren just stared down at his boyfriend. Levi’s cheeks were flushed, hair wild and messy and a faint smile tugging on the tips of his lips. Leaning down, Eren broke the distance between them, their mouths connecting immediately. Levi hummed softly, nipping at Eren’s lower lip teasingly, eyes sparkling mischievously as he tugged his hands free.
A grasp on Eren’s hair was felt, pulling his locks in such a way that sent shivers down the brunette’s spine. Eren opened his mouth submissively, feeling the others wet organ sweep through whilst those ever so soft and supple lips kissed him. Levi’s breath was warm, the faint tang of mint coming through as it deepened, Eren groaning lightly.
Hands made their way down to the hem of Levi’s shirt, tugging it up softly to press the palms of his hands against that hot and slender skin, fingers dancing on the exposed flesh. Levi’s breathing hitched as his legs automatically widened to let Eren in, the black haired male breaking the kiss off to lean back – watching his boyfriend through lust lidded eyes.
This was Levi.
His Levi.
A quiet knocking was heard, Levi’s knuckles still raising from making his presence known outside Mikasa’s door.
“Come in!” She called and so Levi did just that, surprised to see her on the floor doing sit-ups, her normally luscious locks tied back into a make shift ponytail. She paused, wiping the sweat off her brow as she looked right back at him – her emotionless face unable to read. They intensely stared at each other, both stoic.
Since the hospital incident over a month ago, Levi had been radically improving, his skin having a healthy colour on as he began to gain some weight to his previously stick thin form. His sarcastic nature was also returning and Mikasa had learnt to bite her tongue when the male spoke to her brother in that teasing and humiliating tone. However, that wasn’t to say he was entirely okay again. She’d been woken up once too many times to the shouts of a nightmare, hearing Eren attempting to soothe the male from the onslaught of tears and memories. He was also still obviously uncomfortable when an unknown figure would touch him, even just the small of his back or shoulders. It made travelling through particularly busy public areas difficult, not to mention dinners. Levi wasn’t allowed to eat with his own knife after a particularly traumatic day in which Mikasa had been cutting up the roast chicken on the table, when Levi prominently projectile vomited....no one ending up eating that chicken after all. He purposefully now ate his food with either a fork or spoon, using the straight edges to act as a knife for any of his meal. And thus, he had to be supervised when washing up, the male flinching every time he accidentally picked up a knife in the soapy water.
It was difficult.
But to Eren it was worth it.
So it was worth it to her too.
“What’s up?” She prompted, taking a swig of water from her bottle. Levi rarely ever spoke to her, especially when they were alone. They just had nothing in interest, other than Eren.
“Today’s the day of my final piece performance.” The male said; voice steady. His gaze broke off to observe Mikasa’s room, noticing how much tidier it was than Eren’s. “Can you bring Eren? I want it to be a surprise.” His ice gray orbs finally re-met hers; pale, captivating and cold.
She nodded, standing to stretch out her cramped muscles. “What time?”
“Seven. I bought Armin, Jean and you tickets too. But don’t feel obliged to go.” He shifted uncomfortably. Even Mikasa had noted that despite Levi being a music major, he never liked practicing in front of anyone, or with anyone in the house.
“We’ll all be there.” She promised, a short smile coming into place – watching the way in which Levi’s shoulders immediately loosened.
“Thanks.” He turned to leave, before pausing, hand on the door knob. “...I think I’m in love with your brother.”
Silence infiltrated the room and he craned his neck, eyes widening when he saw a couple of tears run down the girl’s cheek. Panic immediately flared through him as he reached out. But Mikasa just laughed, wiping the tears off her face.
“Thank-you. Just thank-you.” She smiled whole-heartedly at the black haired male. Eren deserved to have someone adore him just as much as he adored Levi. And he finally did.
Conflicted with the sudden change in emotions, Levi just nodded awkwardly at her, before leaving.
Today was the day.
The day in which he’d find himself, free from any ex-boyfriends and previous addictions.
Eren exhaled deeply, boredom seeping into his mind. Not even looking out of the window at the oh so alive world could act as a form of procrastination now. In a week his final art project was due, and despite having the overwhelming pressure and fear that he couldn’t finish and pass, he held no motivation. He only felt motivated when Levi was around. Yet, despite this his painting was of his boyfriend, so it surely should have been motivated to give the piece of art magnificence.
Instead, the pencil sketches on the canvas just acted like the elephant in the room – something he couldn’t forget but wanted to ignore. His own ocean orbs brushed over the drawing, his heart fluttering. He had done enough sketches of Levi in his sketch book to know what he looked like and how to draw those articulate details and reconstruct that delicate jaw line, slender nose and most of all those captivatingly beautiful gunmetal eyes.
Sighing like a love struck girl, the brunette hummed, glancing out of the window. He had afternoon class and the lighter evenings meant that as dusk approached the sky faded from that baby blue to faint orange, wisps of purple crawling across the horizon. It was frankly stunning.
The sensation of his pocket vibrating however caught his attention, the male attempting to style out his initial jump from the unexpected call. Mikasa’s name popped up on the screen and he raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah?” He said, bringing the phone to his ear, voice relatively hushed as to not disturb anyone else.
“Come out front. We have plans tonight.”
“Mikasa! I’m in class-“
“I know. I’ve already notified them and got permission.” She hung up and Eren stared at his phone, eyebrows knotted together. But it was a way to get out of a class, he shrugged.
Standing up, the brunette glanced over to his professor who just nodded understandingly. Suspicion took over as he packed up his belongings, storing his canvas carefully in his designated draw. Pulling his rucksack on, he left the room, feet tapping loudly against the stairwell as he made his way down to the car park.
Jean’s jeep was parked strategically outside, Mikasa sitting in the passenger seat. She waved her brother over and he raised his eyebrow as Armin popped up in the backseat.
“Hey!” The blonde grinned, signally for Eren to get in.
Slowly entering, the brunette felt himself become extremely cautious. “What’s going on?” He looked over at Jean who just sat there in a button down and relatively smart trousers. This definitely was weird.
“Armin you know what to do.” Mikasa murmured, and Eren barely had a moment to squawk before his best friend was lunging at him, forcing himself into Eren’s lap as he pinned the boy to the seat.
“What-“
Armin hushed him rudely as he tugged over a bag full of clothes. Light fingertips grabbed the hem of the brunette’s tee before it was ripped upwards, an undignified screech leaving Eren’s lips as he pushed Armin away, the other thumping into Mikasa’s seat.
“Oi!” Jean’s voice rose, glaring daggers at Eren from the rear view mirror. “Hurt my babe and I will personally be taking your clothes off and leaving you butt naked.”
“What the hell!”Eren yelled, fists clenching as he fell for Jean’s taunt. “You’re stripping me!” He pointed accusation ally at Armin, covering his body pathetically like a sweet virgin.
The blonde just laughed cutely, brushing his blonde bangs out of the way as Jean reached round to rub his boyfriends shoulder. Ugh. The two-toned male was so whipped for Armin.
“No Eren, you need to change into this. Now hurry up before we’re late!”
“I can dress myself!” he retorted, before whining. “Why can’t I go to the bathroom? This is weird.”
“No time.” Mikasa cut in, her eyes meeting his. They were deadly serious and the Eren swallowed uncomfortably. “Fine.” Gulping, he tentatively began to remove his shirt, before glaring at Armin. “No peeking!”
Armin just huffed but looked away respectfully as Eren scrambled to pull on the black button down. Noticing trousers in the bag too, he groaned. Shimmying out of his skinny jeans he just drowned in embarrassment as Jean was heard quietly sniggering, before crying out as Mikasa delivered a firm punch to his arm. A few more grumbles left his throat before he was finished.
“Why-“
“Wait!” Armin interrupted, rummaging through the bag once more before pulling out a turquoise tie. “It matches your eyes.” He smiled innocently as helped put it on, just as Jean started the engine, Armin squeaking as he clambered over to belt up as his boyfriend drove recklessly to get there in time.
Eren kept questioning them the whole journey – trying to decipher as to what was happening. MIkasa just sighed in annoyance at her brother’s lack of patience, blasting out the radio to drown out his annoying voice. Armin just smiled meekly but averted his gaze as to not feel the temptation to blab.
Finally, they pulled up outside the student union and Eren cocked an eyebrow. It was busy. Was there some sort of event tonight? But then why the dress code? Getting out of the car, he felt ridiculous in his suit, people eyeing him strangely. He just glared at anyone, feeling stupid and irritated. He just wanted to know what was happening!
“Eren!” A taller body lunged towards him, hitting him squarely in the side, the male attempting to not topple over as he clung to the body attached to him. Hanji from grinned crookedly, fixing her glasses as she let go.
“H-Hey! Why are you here to?” He looked around in desperation, trying to find any clues. His attention however immediately focused onto her devious smirk, his own face falling slightly.
“Oh sweet baby gay.” She cooed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You really are naive. And that suit!” She fanned herself mockingly. “Won’t someone be impressed?” Her eyes twinkled as Jean called them over, Mikasa and Armin wanting to enter.
The last time they had been here together, Eren remembered the first kiss he and Levi shared. He flushed at the thought, Hanji catching the expression slyly. Forcing his face the other way, he noticed the room was set out differently. The bar was still against the back wall, but there was a mini stage on the left. Seats were scattered around it, the place already relatively full up. The room was full of heavy chatter, the lights low as Mikasa led them to their reserved table, Jean going off to buy soft drinks. Tonight was not a night to drink, he said.
Hanji took a seat next to Eren, whilst Armin flanked his other side.
“You’re in for a treat.” The woman murmured, smiling reassuringly as Jean passed along the cokes just as the lights dimmed. Taking a sip of the soda, Eren felt the bubbles make his throat tingle.
The spotlight came on and an elderly man hobbled up onto the stage, smiling energetically despite his age.
“Thank-you to everyone who’s turned up, and welcome to Trost University’s senior years performance 2014. All musical pieces this evening have been written, conducted and created by our range of talented students.” Realisation dawned on the brunette and he turned to Hanji to confirm his suspicions, only to find the woman staring at the stage intently, lower lip unconsciously tugged between her teeth. “And without further ado, let me allow the first student to perform. Levi Rivaille!”
The room fell silent as the crowd applauded waited patiently, Eren leaning forward eagerly. He was finally able to see Levi perform! Excitement coursed through him just as the spotlight came back into place, lighting up the space around the black haired male. Levi stood there, cool as ever. Dressed in faux leather pants, an oversized grey sweater and ankle boots-
Eren’s eyes widened as he realised that was the outfit the male was wearing when they first met. Was it a coincidence or planned? Sharp eyes glanced up – the piercing ice blue meeting Eren’s own – the brunette gulping under the intensity, feeling exposed.
Stepping forward, Levi took hold of the microphone, licking his lips subconsciously.
“This song is called Locked Out Of Heaven. It’s dedicated to my boyfriend, Eren Jaeger.” He spoke confidently, voice strong and low as he scanned the audience. Eren noticed his boyfriend flinch and he followed Levi’s gaze, a growl escaping his lips as he noticed it too.
Erwin Smith. Fucking Erwin Smith stood in the corner, eyes locked onto the dark haired male.
Getting ready to start a fight, Eren made a move to stand up before a sharp grip tugged his arm down, Hanji staring at him warningly.
“Levi asked for him to come.”
Eren’s anger disappeared as he glanced back desperately back at his boyfriend. Levi just nodded in his direction, before exhaling, calming his nerves. A quiet counting to three was heard before the sound of a piano began, the keys echoing hauntingly as a sharp violin fell into place with the beat. Straightening, Levi checked he was in suitable range to the microphone. Shutting his eyes, he breathed steadily,
“Never had much faint in love or miracles,
Never want to put my heart on the line.
But swimming in your world is something spiritual,
I’m born again every time you spend the night.
Cause your sex takes me to paradise,
Cause your sex takes me to paradise,
And it shows, yeah.”
Cerulean eyes snapped open, Levi automatically making eye contact with Eren, his voice shaking softly as the echoing effect on the microphone amplified through the room causing the brunette to shiver.
“’Cause you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long.
Cause you make me feel like I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long.”
The rhythm deepened, the dark haired male falling in place with the music he had composed, swaying softly as he allowed his eyes to flutter shut again.
“You bring me to my knees,
You make me testify,
You can make a sinner change his ways.
Open up your gates cause I can’t wait to see the light!
And right there is where I want to stay.”
A hint of vulnerability crossed his face, those slender brows knitting together.
“Cause your sex takes me to paradise,
Cause your sex takes me to paradise,
And it shows yeah.
Cause you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long.
Yeah you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long.”
The piano played a delicate tune; Levi’s voice lowering, watching Eren slyly from his hooded lids.
“Being as in love with you as I am,
Being as in love with you as I am...
Shine bright like a diamond.
Shine bright like a diamond.
Shine bright like a diamond!
You make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long.”
His voice began to get stronger, gaze staring hardly at Erwin.
“You make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long!”
His voice hitched at the top, eyes closing as the music began to fade out, seconds passing as the hall fell silent, Levi’s voice becoming a mere whisper.
“You make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of Heaven,
For too long, for too long....”
The lights shut off and clapping and cheering erupted immediately. Jean arrogantly placed his index fingers in the corner of his mouth to produce an obnoxiously high pitched whistle, Armin flinching away from the noise instinctively as he shot his boyfriend a slight look. Once the applauding stopped the lights switched back on to reveal Levi bowing politely before stepping off the stage, smile in place as he headed towards their table. Eren stood up as the dark haired male approached, pulling Levi into a tight hug, the two swaying from side to side.
“That was...” Eren fell speechless, squeezing the other to convey his feelings as he pressed a slight kiss to Levi’s temple. A sound of annoyance was heard in response, Levi leaning back.
“What sort of pansy kiss was that? I deserve the real deal, brat.” He smirked as he tugged on Eren’s tie, pulling the brunette down to kiss him securely on the mouth. “Plus...” he purred. “You look good in a suit.”
Eren’s cheeks flushed as Levi just smiled devilishly, pushing the blushing brunette back into his seat as he greeted Hanji. The two exchanged light greetings, the boisterous woman slapping his shoulder as she smiled graciously. Once they were done with formalities, Levi nodded towards the door that was by the side of the bar.
“Let’s continue over there. People in my class are still performing.”
The group agreed as they changed from their previous wooden tables to plush leather sofas and smart, stylish coffee tables. Eren heaved himself down into the comfort the couch provided, hunger beginning to make itself known in his stomach.
“Man, I am so hungry!” He whined, clutching his stomach dramatically. Mikasa just rolled her eyes at the action, knowing her brother was being nothing short of a drama queen. Yet despite this, she still reached into her bag for some money, she couldn’t allow her stupid brother to starve on her watch.
Levi perched on the arm of the couch, running a hand loosely through the brunette’s locks, his gaze distant.
“I need to talk to him.”
Whatever playful mood that was previously there disappeared in an instant, Eren looking up at the other with a scowl.
“What-“
“Please.” Ice gray eyes flicked over, desperation in them. “I’ll be back. I just...” he exhaled. “I just need this to end.”
Eren just gnawed his lower lip in response, hands twitching nervously. He didn’t want any repeats of Levi’s behaviour when it came to the blonde. He didn’t trust them together.
“Try to understand, please.” Levi gave him once last look before standing, rubbing his jaw gently, trying to coax out the stress that was causing his teeth to clench. A tug to his arm made him turn around, the male opening his mouth to complain before he was rudely interrupted by another pair of lips on his. He blinked and it was all over, the brunette leaning back into the couch as he glanced down at the panelled flooring.
“Just don’t leave with him.” Eren had such a kicked puppy expression that Levi felt guilt run through him immediately. But now was not the time to be selfless. He needed to sort this situation out once and for all and finally move on. He needed to let go.
“I promise.” He spoke quietly, before turning around. Erwin stood in the doorway, his blonde hair glistening in the low light. A faint smile was etched onto that ever so perfectly sculptured face as he nodded in acknowledgement to Eren. Levi saw the brunette just glower in response, giving him the cold shoulder as he turned to Hanji. The woman just squeezed his hand comfortingly and then Levi moved away to a table across the room, pulling a chair out expectantly.
“It’ll be fine.” The woman murmured soothingly to Eren. “Now let’s get some food!”
“Good evening there stranger.”
“Cut the crap, Erwin.” Levi spoke quietly, leaning back in the chair as his eyes scrutinised the other. “We both know why we’re here.”
The blonde man just hummed softly in response, cool, calculating eyes watching Levi intently. He was ready to listen.
“I...” The dark haired male breathed heavily out of his nose, rubbing his temples as his eyes fluttered shut. “We need to end this. Whatever connection we have. It’s unhealthy.”
“And you have that kid.” Erwin added, nodding in Eren’s direction. Levi allowed his gaze to follow, watching the brunette stuff his mouth with chips. Gross. He really wasn’t good at eating in public. “You have that kid.” He repeated. “And I accept that now.”
Levi raised an eyebrow questioningly, having not expected that.
“Levi, you need to know that I have never wanted ill for you. We were kids. And we were young. The whole drug business I forced you into it, I admit. But I never expected you to become so hooked. I just have such intense...feelings. Intense feelings. And I don’t know how to deal with them. You were so flexible. I wanted to break that. I wanted you to need me.” The man breathed out, forcing his orbs to meet with the dark haired males, showing sincerity. “You needed me for the wrong reasons.”
A light scoff was given and Levi tapped his nails against the table. “You taught me to need you like that though.”
“Levi, I loved you. You were everything bad. Everything exotic. Everything I knew I would get disapproval of. Remember when we were simple kids? We wanted to rebel. You were my rebellion. In the years I left this town, I discovered something more. I discovered the ocean. The world. The freedom. And during that time I realised you were a simple bird trying to be free, but I tamed you. I tamed you and for that you should have been dead. You are a wild animal, Levi. And hey! Before you get offended, I don’t mean it badly. You are wild. You should not be constricted. It ruins your potential. And I restricted you. And for that I will never forgive myself.”
A pang of empathy went through the dark haired male’s chest, and his ribcage squeezed uncomfortably. This was the Erwin he knew. The honest, earnest Erwin. Not the manipulative, sadistic and obsessed man of his nightmares.
“It was a test you know. The day I met with Eren. I wanted you to come that day, and to say no. Then I would know I should give up on you. I wanted us to end this once and for all. I didn’t mean to get that kid involved. And I didn’t expect you to end up back in hospital.”
The words were like a knife, Levi tensing immediately, eyes cast down shamefully.
“Levi, I loved you. But, I’m in love with someone else now.” Gunmetal eyes met those of steel. “I wanted you to say no so I could let you go and you could let me go and then I could dedicate myself to her. The girl in my life, she is my sun and moon Levi. Call me a sentimental fool but the feelings I have for her are different to the feelings I have for you. You make the monster inside of me want to hurt you. She makes the monster inside of me want forgiveness. You see the difference?”
“I see you as an idiot. I don’t want to deal with this metaphorical crap, Erwin.”
“Tch.” A chuckle was heard, the corners of Erwin’s eyes creasing in amusement. “Always the blunt guy, I see.”
“Amusement aside,” Levi began. “Do you realise the fucking Hell you’ve made me go through?” His eyes blazed in anger. “You have no idea how...how...” He grimaced. “How much you’ve affected me and ruined a lot of things for me. And that ‘kid’ is the only one who’s ever believed in me. That ‘kid’ is my ‘sun and moon’” He quoted the term of endearment sarcastically. “ And you tried to ruin that. I should fucking cut off your dick and shove it so far up your ass it comes out your mouth.”
“That sounds painful.”
“Fuck off.”
“I thought we were being nice here? Don’t ruin the mood.”
“Seriously, shut the fuck up. You know I don’t make light threats. Anyway! If this really is the end, promise me it’s the end. Don’t come back, ever. Don’t approach me, ever. Pretend like I never existed and I will do the same. I want to forget, Erwin.” He spoke suddenly quieter, a hint of vulnerability onto his face. “I want to forget so bad. You’ve cut something so deep in me, something that will never fully heal. And I want it gone. It’s ugly and disgusting and my body will always remember that. So please, if you want to do anything for me, then don’t know me. Don’t understand me. Don’t pay my rent. Don’t check on me at work. Don’t contact my boyfriend. Don’t invite me to your wedding. Don’t send me birthday gifts. Don’t do anything.” He punctuated the last words heavily, fingers curling tensely.
Erwin just remained silent, watching the other softly. Those eyes staring into his soul were unnerving but also faintly familiar. Finally, he leant forward, grasping Levi’s slender and cool hands in his own. The male pulled back immediately but the blonde held him steady.
“I promise.”
Levi’s eyes met his, teeth tugged between his lower lip in apprehension.
“I promise.” The male repeated, bringing Levi’s knuckles to his lips, brushing them gently across, leaving goose bumps in his wake. “I promise. Now fly for me.”
“Not for you. For him.” Levi murmured, pulling his hands free.
Erwin paused, before a faint smile came onto his face.
“Look after yourself Levi. Until the next life.”
His throat tightened as he watched Erwin stand up, watched the male retreat to the door, watched the way in which his muscles would be seen moving under that shirt and flesh. He watched until there was nothing more to watch.
He felt light.
Like there was finally something lifted off of his shoulders.
And it felt wonderful.
“And then I realised, I didn’t need the drug to live. I didn’t need the alcohol to live. I just needed myself. And in the end of the day, no one’s going to help you other than yourself. No one’s going to motivate you other than yourself. No one’s going to be allow you to fly, other than yourself. Either you fall and start again. Or you soar. You soar into life and freedom and you soar into the ecstasy that a drug cannot fulfil. You will no longer be locked out of Heaven.”
Eren leant against the back wall of the town hall, watching Levi speak. His chest bubbled with pride and he felt tears begin to threaten to leak. He grinned stupidly to himself as he rubbed them away, watching the way in which the teenagers faces brightened. Even if it was only momentarily. Because Levi was providing them with hope. He was showing that he had flown the nest and survived to tell the tale. Levi was showing them that he was a recovering drug addict and a survivor of his own numerous planned suicides. And it was beautiful.
As his boyfriend began to wrap up the session, a few kids began to pack up, thanking Levi and promising they’d be back there next week. Levi just smiled gently at them, the action encouraging. He believed in them. As the last kid left, Eren strolled over lazily, running a hand over the seats of the chairs.
“You really wonderful, you know that?”
“Says you brat.” The dark haired male smiled fondly, leaning up to press a kiss against Eren’s jugular. The brunette just smiled into the action, hand finding its way to the small of his boyfriends back.
They had been together for over two years now and Levi was the best he’d ever been. The dark haired male had moved on to get a job in the local hospital working as a cleaner. It wasn’t glamorous but with his volunteer work for the town for those struggling with alcohol and drug misconduct made up for it. Eren was in his final year of college, sadly still continuing art. He’d improved dramatically alongside his muse, but the brunette was finding it wasn’t a sustainable way of living. He worked part time in the student union as a bar man for extra cash when his paintings weren’t selling, but they were coping.
They were more than coping.
They were living.