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Dearest Jinyoung,
If you’re reading this letter, I’m afraid the ending we both wanted so badly could not happen. But I believe you’re being the strong person that I know and love so much, and that you would keep our promise.
I will never forget the first time we met, and this isn’t me trying to make fun of you (maybe it is). Your flustered face, your stuttering… I didn’t think so back then but now that I recount these memories, I think I’d fallen for your charm already, at that moment. You were absolutely adorable, but also adamant of what you thought was right. It really showed when I finally got to know you better. It’s the same confidence and stubbornness that, though at times worried me, I love.
But it was really when I heard you speak of literature that you enraptured me. I have never in my life felt passionate for anything (except you, of course), which is why your ardour and devotion for poetry intrigued me so much. I love watching you read your poetry, even though 99% of the time I have no idea what you were talking about. And I love how romantic you are. You always make me see the beauty in things that are unassuming, and you made me feel beautiful.
And some time, I’ve forgotten when, I realised that I loved so many things about you. So many, that I might well be in love with you.
I’ve done stupid things in the course of our relationship. I’d attribute this to my damned insecurities, and well, poor decision-making skills in general. I apologise for the times I’ve pushed you away, when I acted like I didn’t care about you. Believe me when I say that hurt me the most. I just didn’t want myself to become a source of misery for you, because you being happy means the most to me.
But then I couldn’t control myself. I still think I’m selfish, even though you convince me otherwise, to have you despite my condition. You give me so much love that I often feel I don’t deserve, and I always try to return it, though until today, I’m not sure if I’ve done a good job. If I haven’t, I was planning to make it up to you through the years to come. But of course, we both know, now I’m not capable of doing that.
Instead, I would tell you again in words. That I love you. So, so much. If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again eventually.
Don’t cry over me, you know I hate it (I will allow happy tears). Think of me sometimes, but not too much (I’m afraid you’d cry again). Remember: Dandelions don’t die. I’ll be everywhere, quietly protecting you. You might even see me so much you’d get sick of me!
Stay healthy, and stay happy.
Again, I love you.
I love you, Jinyoung.
Love,
Mark