Chapter Text
The buzz of his phone took him off guard. It was late and the diner was nearly empty. He was alone, but for a desultory short order cook who was currently smoking over the pasta sauce. Loki made a mental note to get him fired before they got shut down for a health code violation. Topping off the coffee of their remaining patrons, he headed behind the counter to surreptitiously check the message.
can i come in? doors are locked
Startled, Loki looked up. Thor leaned waved and grinned at him through the glass of the front doors. Heart racing, Loki leaped over the counter and ran to the door, turning the locks with shaking fingers. Throwing himself forward, Thor caught him easily and they kissed under the florescent lights.
“Hi.” Loki pulled away slowly, taking a better look at him. He was dressed in Midgard clothes, all soft and welcoming, begging for touch. “You went home to change before you came to me?”
“I thought one collapse in full armor was enough for the diner.” Thor grinned, not letting go of Loki’s waist. “How much longer is your shift?”
“Not long.” He leaned up to kiss him again. “Sit at the counter, are you hungry?”
“Starving.” Thor said softly, eyes locked on Loki’s throat.
“I’ll get you pancakes. Sit.” He grinned madly at him. “How long are you here?”
“A month, maybe more.” Sliding onto one diner stool, Thor looked utterly at home, rugged and handsome. “I promised father that I would be back before the coronation.”
Thick bile rose to the back of Loki’s throat, biting sharply at his tongue. It took him off guard and he steadied himself on the counter. Apparently he still had the capacity for jealousy. With great care, he swallowed it down and found the greater part of him that rejoiced.
“So you’re to be king at last then.”
“Yes and, then I’ll be free to come and go as I choose. Which will be as often as possible.” Thor reached over, laying his hand over Loki’s. “I’ll pave the way for your return. Whenever you so choose it, Asgard will be waiting for you.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Loki laughed tiredly. “I have much to tell you.”
After their trip, he had obsessively researched long term relationships. It was stupid really and most of the advice contradicted itself. The only consistency he had found was honesty. Everyone went on about how important it was to maintain the mystery, keep discovering each other, but underneath it all every author of every book vouched for honesty. Reluctantly, Loki found himself agreeing with them.
“About what?”
“Later.” He drew his hand away and poured Thor a cup of coffee.
“Loki...”
“Trust me.” Smiling, he leaned over the counter to kiss him again.
“I do.” And hearing that was better than a thousand declarations of love.
The diner closed later than usual, ratcheting up their anticipation until they were tearing at each other, bedroom door barely closed behind them. They made love in the moonlight, devouring and without mercy. The room was a shambles by the time they’d finished, clothing strewn everywhere and the sheets torn from the mattress to pillow their resting place on the floor. Poured over Thor like butter on hot toast, Loki regained his breath in slow aching pants. With hypnotic slowness, Thor’s hands toured the tattoo. His finger tips traced the hidden runes and mighty branches.
“What is this?” He asked confused, but also little in awe. There was worship in his touch. “Loki, what have you done?”
“I wasn’t sure at first.” It had been weeks since the tattoo had ached, but Thor’s hands were smoothing away even the memory of pain. Loki arched into the delicate touch. “I was going to get a few protective ruins. That dream I had before you left stuck and frightened me.”
“You never seem afraid to me.” Thor laughed. “Brave in the face of interminable odds.”
“Oh, but I’m afraid all the time.” Loki shook his head.”Of myself.”
“Why?”
“I thought when I came here that I had changed.” He sighed. “But it’s not real change when it goes untested, is it? It’s easy to be different here with no expectations and no power. Jane told me that I was happier powerless and she’s right, I am. Because than I don’t have to fear what I’ll do, who I might become.”
“We’ve talked about this.” Thor sighed. “You’re a good man and I promised-”
“I know what you promised. And I believe you. I believed myself when I said that I wouldn’t do those things, but then the children...” He buried his face in Thor’s neck. “It’s strange to even think about it, I’m not sure how to explain.”
“What children?”
Hesitantly, though it still felt private, raw and maybe a little sacred, Loki told him about his vision in the woods. The story had rolled through his head a hundred times, but it sounded different out loud, less like a holy vision and more like a mad feverish dream. When he finished, he looked to Thor who was staring at him.
“I know it’s all kinds of crazy.” He admitted reluctantly. “I don’t believe half of it myself and I lived through it.”
“Were they beautiful?” Thor asked, voice hoarse.
He thought of Hel’s half-rotting body, Fenrir’s rough coat and Jormungand’s dripping fangs....the perfect dark clarity of their eyes, the pungent smell of their skin and the touch of Fenrir's tongue on his cheek.
“They were.” He sighed. “They were terrible and beautiful and utterly mine.”
“Two sons and a daughter.” Abruptly, Thor sat up, scrubbing a hand over his face. “What does it mean?”
“I thought that was fairly clear.” Leaning against the bed, Loki studied him. “That I should watch my step or wind up a bitter old god intent on destruction.”
“No...not. I saw...in golden light, not a forest. They were so strong and bright that it hurt to look at them.” The hoarseness gave way to a dry sob. “Þrúðr, Magni and Móði. Two sons and a daughter.”
“Your children.” Loki swallowed hard. “What did they say to you?”
“They...many things.” He reached out to grab Loki’s hand. “There is nothing in any realm that I would trade for you. I was tested though. Sorely tested.”
“You gave them up for me.” It wasn’t a question. “Your future.”
“There will be other futures.” Thor attempted a smile and failed. “I would rather have you.”
“I wish that you didn’t have to choose.” That I didn’t have to choose, he thought.
“I will need an heir some day. There will yet be time to have a child.” Not though the children that Thor had seen, whoever they were. Not the perfect golden future that they had promised him. “Something we both feel comfortable with.”
“Sif will do it. She would gladly marry you and bear you a child, if you left her free to pursue her own life afterward.” Loki rallied, smiling more gamely now. “That will give me a child to corrupt.”
“What of you and your line?”
“I think that it’s best that it dies with me.” The smile faded as rapidly as it arrived. “The fruit of my loins is apparently quite poisoned.”
“I won’t accept that.”
“You didn’t see them. They were monsters.”
“You said they were beautiful.”
“They were.” He sighed and rested his head on Thor’s shoulder. “They should never be born.”
“I wish...” But the sentence trailed off into silence.
“I know.” Loki kissed him with painstaking tenderness.
Homecoming marred by melancholy, they quietly made the bed back up and fell asleep wrapped tightly around each other. With Thor’s skin against his, Loki slid into a dream softly, the transition barely noticed by his conscious mind. In sleep he twitched and before him stretched all of Asgard.
“No!” He cried out, the sound echoing over the empty kingdom. “No, I have done everything... why show this to me again?”
He reached for the bloody helm eager to play out the steps of this and be rid of the terrible dream, but found only his hair in a long spill over his shoulders. It flashed brightly in his hand and when he twitched a lock forward, he found it mottled in gray and white. Even his hand had changed, withered and frail.
“There’s no need to yell.” A slender youth with Fenrir’s appeared at his elbow. “I’m here.”
“Who are you?” Loki pleaded. “Why do you torment me?”
“You’ve forgotten again.” A cool pale hand went to Loki’s forehead. “It’s only me.”
“I don’t know you.” But he did, in the twist of his gut. The youth’s hair was brushed with burnished gold, but his eyes were dark and sparkling. He had a long delicate nose and full lips, a beautiful blending of two familiar faces.
“You might come to know me.” The youth smiled, joyful yet jagged.
“And us.” A giggling young girl, her hair swept up in ink black pigtails pulled an toddling boy behind her.
“I know you.” Loki swallowed hard, taking a step back. “Fool me no longer, pale maidens. To bring my children before me once was fair and needed. To do so again and in this guise...this is cruelty. They are no blood of mine, only tempting shadows.”
The three children flickered uneasily.
“Father...” The oldest cried.
“No! I am the God of Tricks, I recognize them when I see them. Fenrir, Hel and Jormungand, they were real as I, but this is illusion. Such a thing cannot be.”
The children vanished entirely, leaving behind only the sound of a slow mocking clap of three pairs of hands. They emerged from the ground, quick growing saplings in their sweeping white gowns, hair braided with flowers and eyes bright as the sun.
“Loki Laufreyson.” Said one.
“Loki Aesir.” Another.
“Jack Icarus.” Said the last, the slightest curl of a smile on her lips.
“Ladies.” He swept into a bow. “You should know better, fair Norns, than to trick with me.”
“A test.” They said as one. “A pulling of the strings of fate. You have knotted our weaving and sent it to tangles. We seek to right it.”
“That's your problem, not mine.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’d like to wake up now please.”
“Do you not wish to know what comes next?” They chimed. “To know how we will resolve this knot?”
“No.” He smiled, private and deep as a well. “I carry the world tree on my back, all paths are mine to take. I will walk them without assistance.”
“Arrogant.” Said one.
“Foolish.” Another.
“Just as you should be.” Said the last and now she laughed, bright as bells. “Carry the world with care, little one. We will be watching.”
The dream faded and he fell again into an easy sleep, the vision already lost. Outside, the ash stretched under the moonlight. The delicate breeze plucked blossoms from its branches and sent them fluttering through the window, a peaceful warm snow to herald the coming winter.